Shopping and Self Esteem

Yesterday I had to go shopping. I say had to because I didn’t really want to go but I needed something for my trip and I couldn’t put it off any longer. It was raining and I didn’t bother to dress up. Phoenix is a very casual place and no one “dresses up” to go shopping any more. I didn’t look bad but I didn’t look great, either.

I entered the store and a clerk was in my face almost before the door closed behind me. “May I help you?” “I would just like to look a minute,” I responded. “I need some slacks and I’d prefer knits for comfort on the plane.”

“We have slacks on the sale rack in the back,” she announced loudly. I responded that I’d like to look around first and, if I didn’t find anything, I’d consider the sale rack. As I browsed through the store, she followed me announcing the glories of the sale rack. I looked at a few other ladies in the store – we all looked about the same – but they were allowed to look at the merchandise in a leisurely manner.

I found several pair of slacks to try on and, like women do, looked for some blouses and shirts while I was there. “We have tops on the sale rack,” she seemed to shout.

By this time I was beginning to react. I was aware of the anger rising in me. “If she yells out about the sale rack one more time, I’m going to punch her in the face” was one thought that bubbled up but that’s just not my style. I just wanted to browse, see what they had, and then make my choice or leave. She was on me, though, like ink on paper. If I moved, she moved. If I took something off the rack she told me they had something on sale in the back.

Then it hit me as funny. I wondered how many times she could tell me about the sale rack if I encouraged her and I imagined all the reasons she was so enamored with the clothes on sale. Maybe she got ALL the money if she just got that stuff and that rack out of there. Maybe they had beatings of the clerks who didn’t move stuff off the sale rack. Maybe it was her stuff and she wanted to get rid of it. Maybe it was really a garage sale in disguise and the one who sold the most got a prize. Hmmm.

So I made another long, slow tour through the store and she was my constant companion. She must have told me about the sale rack four or five times on that little trip through the merchandise.

So what’s the point of this story? It’s about self esteem, isn’t it?

Others reflect back to us how we’re showing up in the world and her actions and words possibly reflected, if I allowed them to:

1. There was something wrong with the way I looked and she wanted to offer me the cheapest buy.
2. There was something about me that made her feel she had to watch me
3. There was something wrong with me.

If I had low self esteem, I could have easily come to those conclusions because low self esteem urges you to make negative assumptions about yourself and about how others see and judge you. Low self esteem makes you feel like the eyes and the ears of the world are on you and, judging you, and finding you lacking.

On the other hand I could have concluded that she:

1. Saw me as someone who would buy and she was going to stick with me so she got the sale and the commission
2. Found something about me that she responded to and just sincerely wanted to help me
3. Was just doing her job and part of that job was to sell the clothes on the sale rack

She was annoying. I’m sure that when I left the store she cornered another customer and stuck to her like glue. But her actions had nothing to do with me or any other customer. The way we react to others is our choice but the way we interpret their words and actions stem from how we feel about ourselves.

Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Perhaps. But over the years I have learned that it’s not the big things that have the greatest impact on how we feel about ourselves. It is the little things, played over and over, that damage us the most. Little disparaging remarks, little barbs thrown often, disapproving looks can cause damage greater than a major event. Remember, what someone thinks of you is none of your business. Your business is to get to know, love and appreciate who you really are.

Oh! By the way. I got a great pair of slacks on sale – saved $30.

Irene Conlan has a master's degree in nursing, with a major in nursing administration and a minor in psychiatric nursing. She taught nursing at Arizona State University, served as Director of Nursing Administration at St. Luke's Hospital and Medical Center in Phoenix and served as Assistant Director of the Arizona Department of Health Services for the Division of Health Care Facilities and Emergency Medical Services. She is also a certified hypnotherapist with a practice in Scottsdale, AZ. She is an avid blogger and manages http://www.theselfimprovementblog.com http://www.theselfesteemblog.com http://www.thepositivepsychologyblog Irene lives in Scottsdale AZ and has two sons and three grandsons.

Irene has blogged 827 posts here.