Low Self-Esteem, Therapy and Humility – Humility As an Indicator of High Self-esteem

By Susan Meindl -

The simplest dictionary definition of the term “humble” is simply “the quality of being modest or respectful.”

When used as a verb however, “to humble” begins to feel more sinister; “to make somebody feel less proud or convinced of his or her own importance” or, “to lower somebody in rank or importance.”

Interpersonally it begins to be tangled up with the verb “humiliate” which means, “to damage somebody’s dignity or pride, especially publicly.”

Humility then becomes something unwanted, unflattering and imposed from outside.

Pride, on the other hand, while it can get out of control and become “haughty attitude,” has the popular sense of “self respect”. “Pride” is defined as “the correct level of respect for the importance and value of your personal character, life, efforts, or achievements,” and as a verb, “personal satisfaction and pleasure obtained from a particular source, especially something accomplished or a quality possessed.”

Positive psychology researcher June Tangney (2000) asked research subjects to identify and describe individuals that they would describe as humble. Her research participants identified characteristics such as kindness or caring towards others, self-sacrifice, competence, and intelligence. Only a small minority suggested that a humble person was timid, quiet or unassertive.

Tangney interviewed and tested individuals identified by others as “humble.” In contrast to dictionary definitions which link humility to self-abasement or low self-esteem, she found that if asked to complete the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale, people described by others as “humble” would endorse statements such as ” I feel that I am a person of worth, at least on an equal plane with others and ” I feel I have a number of good qualities.”

She summarizes her findings and suggests that humility is characterized by:

• An accurate and realistic estimate of ability and achievement The ability to acknowledge one’s mistakes, imperfections, gaps in knowledge and limitations Openness to new ideas, contradictory information and advice

• Keeping one’s abilities and accomplishments in perspective A relatively low self-focus or the ability to “forget oneself”

• An appreciation of the value of all people and their unique contributions.

• Humility viewed in the light of this up-to-date research, becomes not just a virtue, but almost a compendium of the qualities that as a psychotherapist I try to foster and develop in my clients!

Humility and pride come full circle.

It is paradoxical (but reassuring) that humility and pride, such seemingly opposite qualities, are both necessary elements of a mature character. They come full circle through their differences and meet to produce emotionally healthy individuals who are self confident and low in defensiveness; individuals we think of as having “high self-esteem”

References:

Tangney, J.P. (2000). Humility: Theoretical perspectives, empirical findings and directions for future research. Journal of Social & Clinical Psychology, 19, 70-82.

Encarta® World English Dictionary © 1999 Microsoft Corporation. Developed for Microsoft by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc.

Susan Meindl, MA, is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Montreal Canada. She has a special interest in Jungian ideas and practices a Jungian approach to psychodynamic psychotherapy http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/59983

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