How much is love worth?

By Irene Conlan,

Wednesday my grandson, who usually comes here every day, was at his mother’s for Veterans Day. So yesterday I said to him, “Jack, I really missed you yesterday.” His five year old response was, “How much?”

“Well,” I said, I missed you a lot because I love it when you’re here.”

“How much?” he asked again.

“Oh, honey, I missed you a lot because I love you a lot.”

” How much? Can you put a number on it Gramma?”

“What do you mean, Jack?”

“How many numbers did you miss me?”

” I can’t put a number on how much I  love you, Jack. There just aren’t enough numbers.”

“Oh, O.K.” And off he went to see what his dad was doing.

I’m sure he forgot that conversation, but I haven’t.

I think of people I have known who said  to their husband,  “If you loved me you would buy me … Or if you loved me you would …

Maybe those ideas are not expressed but simply kept in mind. “If she loved me she’d lose weight.” “If he loved me he’d spend more time with me.” The stores encourage us to give diamonds, gold and other expensive gifts to show our love. The bigger the diamond,  the bigger the love? The bigger the house, the greater the love?

Love is not about that, although the person who loves wants to please the beloved – to make him or her happy, to give things that represent the giving of the heart. Love accepts its partner just the way she is and does not try to make her into something she is not.  Love is about acceptance, respect, and cherishing – even in the rough times.  Love is about forgiveness.  Love goes the extra mile without complaining. Love pitches in  to help when needed and knows when to back off.  Contrary to what we learned in “Love Story” love is about saying you’re sorry and being the first to make peace.

It was best said in the Bible in Corintians 13 :

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸Love never fails.

As a minister who used to do a lot of weddings, I learned that love that leads to successful, happy marriage involves three – him, her and us. She and he must stay who they are as individuals, be true to themselves, allowing change to take place gracefully in self and the other -  not trying to force it or require it in the partner.  And the “us” makes a whole new entity. Love builds this house of “Us”  and fine tunes it over the years of trials, challenges, great times and hard times. They grow as unique individuals and the “Us” grows together. This is the kind of marriage that lasts.

“Today’s Quote” expresses this perfectly:

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
- Captain Corelli’s Mandolin6. “Love is the beauty of the soul.”

So how much? How many numbers. What’s the price of love? It is priceless. And I’ll stick to my first answer – there just aren’t enough numbers to express it.

About Irene: Irene Conlan has a master's degree in nursing, with a major in nursing administration and a minor in psychiatric nursing. She taught nursing at Arizona State University, served as Director of Nursing Administration at St. Luke's Hospital and Medical Center in Phoenix and served as Assistant Director of the Arizona Department of Health Services for the Division of Health Care Facilities and Emergency Medical Services. She is also a certified hypnotherapist with a practice in Scottsdale, AZ. She is an avid blogger and manages http://www.theselfimprovementblog.com, http://www.theselfesteemblog.com, http://www.thepositivepsychologyblog.com Irene lives in Scottsdale AZ and has two sons and three grandsons.