Christmas Eve – Is it Better to Give or Receive?
Children everywhere are getting excited. Christmas Eve is finally here. The big “toy day” is almost a reality. Isn’t that what it has become? The kid who gets the biggest and most expensive toys wins and if he/she doesn’t receive the “top of the list” toy, he/she pouts or throws a tantrum. Last week on America’s Funniest Videos, I saw some clips of children who received clothes for christmas. All pouted. One little boy threw his clothes in the floor and stomped out of the room and up the stairs. Have we forgotten to teach our children gratitude? Have we forgotten gratitude ourselves?
It’s too bad the parents of that little boy didn’t gather up the clothes, all the toys and the child, take him too a homeless shelter and give it all to children who have nothing.
We talk a lot about giving. You’ve heard the adage, “It’s better to give than to receive” haven’t you? We should give generously, with an open heart and without expecting anything in return. We should give thoughtfully and on and on. But let’s take a look at receiving.
We all like to receive – we just don’t like to talk about how much we like to receive. Christmas can become a big WIIFM – “What’s In It For Me?” We want our stuff. So let’s answer some questions to help put things in perspective.
- What is important to you – the value of the gift or the value of the giver? Don’t give a quick answer to that question. These are hard times for many and they simply can’t afford designer labels from Neiman Marcus – or Walmart for that matter. Does “It’s the thought that counts” mean anything to you?
- How grateful are you when you get things you don’t want or don’t need? Are you grateful that someone cared enough about you to give you a gift in the first place, or do you toss the gift on the floor without a thought of gratitude?
- Do you complain when you don’t get exactly what you wanted?
- Do you remember to say “Thank You?” I notice it seems to be a phrase not used much anymore, especially by children. Are their parents using it or are they just not teaching their children? “Thank you” can be as powerful as “please” when said with a smile and comes from the heart. Thank you sometimes makes it all worth while.
- If there were no gifts to be given or received, would you be able to be happy?
- What is the meaning of Christmas for you?
Some things are highly overrated, but gratitude is not one of them.
Scientific studies are now being done on the effects of gratitude. Highlights from the Research Project on Gratitude and Thankfulness by Robert A. Emmons, University of California, Davis and Michael E. McCullough, University of Miami states:
- In a sample of adults with neuromuscular disease, a 21-day gratitude intervention resulted in greater amounts of high energy positive moods, a greater sense of feeling connected to others, more optimistic ratings of one’s life, and better sleep duration and sleep quality, relative to a control group.
- Children who practice grateful thinking have more positive attitudes toward school and their families (Froh, Sefick, & Emmons, 2008).
- Grateful people report higher levels of positive emotions, life satisfaction, vitality, optimism and lower levels of depression and stress. The disposition toward gratitude appears to enhance pleasant feeling states more than it diminishes unpleasant emotions. Grateful people do not deny or ignore the negative aspects of life.
- People with a strong disposition toward gratitude have the capacity to be empathic and to take the perspective of others. They are rated as more generous and more helpful by people in their social networks (McCullough, Emmons, & Tsang, 2002).
- Grateful individuals place less importance on material goods; they are less likely to judge their own and others success in terms of possessions accumulated; they are less envious of others; and are more likely to share their possessions with others relative to less grateful persons.
(This is a partial listing. For more see http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/labs/emmons/)
So it isn’t always better to give than receive, that is if you receive with gratitude. Pay attention to your gratitude level this Christmas. Say “Thank you” with meaning along with smiles and hugs. Everyone will feel good, especially you.
Have a very grateful and Merry Christmas.
