A Lesson From “The Bachelor”
By Irene Conlan -
Now and then I watch “The Bachelor” because I find it such a fascinating display of human nature. Put twenty five women who are interested in the same man in a house together and you have a blueprint for near disaster. The claws come out, the backbiting begins and the gossip rumbles. If Jake were smart, he’d turn around, get on his motorcycle and go home.
What interested me about the show that aired on January 18th were the comments by one of the women who did not get a rose and had to go home. In her “last statement for the camera” as she was leaving Valisha said through tears, “I’m used to things not going my way. And that’s something I’ve learned to live with.” She was a beautiful woman but not one who pushed and shoved to get attention. She would have been a good choice for Jake but she wasn’t seen in the midst of those who were clawing and scratching their way to the forefront. She, however, believed that she would not win. That subtle knowing that she has to get used to losing because she never wins was her undoing.
Thoughts create. Positive thoughts create positive outcomes. Negative thoughts create negative outcomes. Simplistic? Yes. But true. You’ve heard the saying, “Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.” While losing and being sent home was not a conscious wish, it nevertheless was as powerful as if it had been a plan.
We’ve all anticipated negative outcomes and, sure enough, what we dreaded the most happened.:
- You tripped while you were crossing the stage – you knew you would and voiced your thoughts to a friend beforehand, “I hope I don’t trip and embarrass myself.”
- You got up to make the speech and forgot everything you had planned to say – just like you feared you might.
- You broke up with your boyfriend over a tiny disagreement – you just knew this was too good to last.
Some call these self fulfilling prophecies. What they are is the demonstration of the power of thought and how your thinking creates your reality.
This isn’t the kind of thought that just flits through your mind occasionally – we have a parade of thoughts marching through our minds all the time. This is the thought that is deep and has emotion attached to it. Like, “I’m not good enough” or “I always lose” like Valisha on The Bachelor believed. These are the thoughts that create. These thoughts help you self sabotage so you unknowingly do things that cause you to lose or keep you from doing things that will help you win.
Pay attention to your thoughts. Let the words “always”, “never,” every” and “too” alert you to possible negative limiting beliefs such as - I’m to old. I’m too young. I’m to fat. I’m too stupid. I’m not good enough or I’m not as good as. I’ll never amount to anything. I always lose/I never win. Everything I do goes wrong.
What if Valisha went into the program “The Bachelor” believing she was a winner and that she always wins but in the third week she was home? What might her point of view be?
- She won a position on the show. She was one out of how many hundreds or thousands who auditioned?
- She made it through several cuts before she was eliminated. Out of 25 who started she made it to the group of 10.
- She could leave with her dignity in tact because she was not a major player in the backbiting, jealousy, and cat fighting that was taking place in the group.
- She looked great in front of how many thousands (millions?) of people?
- She was indeed a winner and “Mr. Right” was not Jake.
This is all conjecture, of course, based on the statement she made when she was leaving. If I could say something to Valisha I would tell her to let her thoughts wrap around all the positives that came from being on the show and I would encourage her to begin to journal what her strengths are as well as all the things she has to be grateful for and that she appreciates. A steady dialog with herself on these positives will help change her thinking about herself and bring her the outcomes she desires.
Valisha, in my book, you are, indeed a winner.
When I first meet guys who are looking to meet their dream woman, I recommend that before they even consider entering the dating field that they work on their own self confidence and self esteem. That way when they do meet their future wife, they will be the best man they can be and have the most to offer her.
These women on this show would fare much better if they had first worked on their self esteem. Valisha really lost in the attractive area because she felt she was doomed to failure from the get go.