Develop Your Sixth Sense

puzzle300Honing your sixth sense, your intuition, can help you in making better choices in life because the more information you have about something, the better decisions you can make, the faster you may be able to reach your goals, and enable yourself to live more fulfilling life.

Intuition is defined as the power or ability of attaining direct knowledge or cognition without evident rational thought and inference. Intuitive knowledge is considered to be knowledge which cannot be gained either by inference or observation, by reasoning or past experience. As such intuitive knowledge is thought of as independent, original knowledge.

Many years ago I was in a coffee shop where I overheard a man having a spirited and very loud conversation with someone about the nature of intuition. He argued that intuitive knowledge is based on observational skills. While the information obtained through observational skills is excluded from the above definition about intuition, many times people do acquire tremendous amount of information purely through observation and then they appear to be “psychic”. Many “fake psychics” simply rely on their observational skills. These skills are also known as “cold reading” and are employed by stage magicians.

Our subconscious minds register all information from our surroundings and most of that information is gathered outside our conscious awareness. When some of that information emerges in our conscious awareness, it may seem that it came from higher realms because we had no awareness of ever acquiring it consciously.

People who are working on developing their intuition often practice different ways of improving their observational skills. Honing one’s observational skills is one of the essential skills in the practice of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), where you learn to pay attention to minute changes in skin color, pupil dilation, slight changes in lip size, referred to in NLP as “minimal cues”. These skills come in very handy when people play poker, for example. Since poker players have vested financial interest in the outcome of the game, they pay attention to “minimal cues” of other players, in order to notice when other players may be bluffing or when they might have a winning hand.

NLP Practitioners sometimes engage in the following exercise, which I believe started with Dr. Milton Erickson. One person would hide an object, and the other would play the role of a “psychic” by holding the wrist of the person who hid the object. The “psychic” would rely on slight changes in the pulse of the person who hid the object, to guide him toward the recovery of the hidden object.

Some people are more “intuitive” by nature. Some are intuitive in a way that they find it easier to absorb the information from their environment through what seems like osmosis. They may have difficulty focusing on one thing and may be labeled with attention deficit disorder, yet their way of processing information may be perfectly suited to certain occupations. For example, I have a friend who is an extraordinary private investigator. He excels at what he does perhaps mainly due to his ability of being aware of the information that other private investigators miss. He naturally absorbs information from the environment as if thorough osmosis. From the perspective of brainwaves, people with this talent have predominant theta brainwave activity.

Some people are more naturally intuitive in a way that they can access the information related to different times, places or dimensions of experience, which are clearly not in any way associated with where they may be physically. On the level of the mind, there is no time and no space and we are all free to access the information about anything we greatly desire to know, from any dimension of existence, from past, present or future. The only obstacle in this process are the “filters” we have placed in our subconscious minds.

The secret in acquiring this kind of information is in allowing it to emerge into your conscious awareness, in having your mind blank, open and receptive like a crystal clear glass, so that the information gained is not colored by your preconceived ideas or emotions. Genuine spiritual masters, who have no more any self-interests, who have nothing more to emotionally protect and have fully opened themselves to the infinite, can access the information that to the rest of us borders on miraculous. On the other hand, there are so many people who may be “channeling” the information from different realms, however the information that comes through is polluted by their own preconceived ideas and is no better than any guess they might have made based on their rational understanding. True spiritual knowledge is always rooted in love and in the principle of oneness – there are no exceptions.

We are all intuitive to a greater or lesser extent and whatever your level of intuitive ability, you can develop it further. Developing intuition is based on learning to pay attention to the information within you. For example, if you were trying to decide between two job offers, as you imagine yourself working in one position and then in the other, the right choice would look brighter, it would feel more joyous, it would make you feel lighter and it would bring with it a great experience of inner peace and contentment. If you were picking lottery numbers or stocks in which you desire to invest, or winning horses at the racetrack – again through experience you would learn to distinguish between the information that comes from your intuitive knowledge and the one that comes from your rational mind. As a general guideline, when this information comes from your rational mind there is a sensation of tension, a sensation of your energy shrinking and condensing as you are subconsciously trying to protect your financial self-interest. When you are in a state of mind where you are trying to protect your ego-based self-interests, you are closing the door of your intuition. What opens you to your intuition is getting into a state of love, into a state of giving, into a state of relaxation and expansion, where you feel at-one-with-everything and particularly at-one with the subject of your intuition., where you become it inwardly.

One simple way of practicing intuition on daily basis is choosing for practice subjects in which you don’t have any vested interest and the outcome is not important for you. This makes it easier for you to maintain an open state of mind necessary for practicing intuition. You may try to intuit what someone you are going to meet is wearing, or if the phone rings who may be calling you, or if you are going to some new place, try to intuit how does that place look like before you go there; or you can pick a magazine with pictures and try to intuit what picture or information will you find several pages ahead. In this way you will condition your subconscious mind to provide you with the information that is not ordinarily accessible to you through your physical senses.

Dr. Laura De Giorgio is the author of over 2,000 hypnosis, subliminal,supraliminal and supraliminal plus recordings in English, Spanish, French, German and Italian. On her website http://www.deeptrancenow.com you can access many free articles designed to help you use the power of your mind more effectively, many free hypnosis downloads and movie presentations.

By Laura De Giorgio

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Uniquely You!

Self improvement inside jobBy Deanna Heiliger –

Why do we yearn to be like others? Why do we criticize ourselves and put ourselves down? Why do we choose to listen to the mean voices from our past and believe them?

It has everything to do with our thoughts!

Thoughts are only words strung together, and they have no meaning unless we give meaning to them!

Think about it… If I repeatedly told you, “You have ugly purple skin, you have ugly purple skin!” would you believe me? No, you would think I were crazy and rightfully tell me to get lost. Well, some of our old beliefs about ourselves (as well as new and ongoing beliefs) are just as crazy as that! Part of self-acceptance and honoring your “Uniquely You” is releasing other people’s opinions about you.

Sometimes our opinions of what is wrong with us, is just our uniqueness, our individuality! People judge us and tell us we are wrong, just because we are different from them. WOW… is that silly or what!?!? People’s opinions become our thoughts… so dangerous!

Nature never repeats itself! There are no two snowflakes alike, no two flowers alike, and no two people alike. Our fingerprints are unique, our DNA is our own, and we are each distinctive! We were made to be different. We are to celebrateour differences!

Can you just imagine if we all thought the same, looked the same, believed the same, talked the same, ate the same… what an incredibly boring life we would lead. We get to learn from the various people we encounter, if we allow it! We get to stretch our minds and get new perspectives on topics, if we allow it! We get to try new foods, learn fresh skills, and expand our minds… if we allow it! How fun is that!?

We need to recognize when we are thinking and believing negative thoughts about ourselves. That is so toxic and destructive! When we think bad things about ourselves, two awful things happen:

1) We start thinking ugly things about other people.

2) We believe these awful things, and it bleeds into all areas of our lives… and into our future!

Here is a wise approach, one that I try to remember and practice. See if you can follow this chain of events and realize the outcome:

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words;

Keep your words positive, because your words become your actions;

Keep your actions positive, because your actions become your habits;

Keep your habits positive, because your habits become your values;

Keep your values positive, because your values become your destiny.”

-Dr. Peter Johnson

This week, let’s all try to clean up our thoughts. When those ugly thoughts about ourselves come to mind… let’s stamp them out with positive, healthy thoughts.

An ugly example: “I am so fat!” Let’s replace that with, “My body is perfect. I am working each day to become a healthier me!”

I guarantee that if your thoughts become more loving and less critical about yourself, they will become more loving and less critical of others.

This week, let’s celebrate our differences and practice Enjoying being Uniquely You!

Visit my Blog to become a “Better You”!

http://www.MeToThePowerOfWe.com

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You’re a Good Dad! Happy Father’s Day

Father's DayBy Gary Unruh –

Being a dad is the toughest and most rewarding undertaking you’ll ever do. You’re doing everything you know to do as a dad. But if you’re like most dads, you’re wondering if you’re doing enough, being there enough, and loving enough.

But hold on. Dads do a lot of good stuff. I say it’s high time to give them a well-deserved high five. Here’s my “high five to dads” list. (If you see yourself doing or wanting to do a lot of these things, count yourself a member of the Good Dads Club.)

1. Dads work hard. No matter how boring the job or what the pay is, dads go to work every day to play their part in making sure there’s a comfortable place to live, enough to eat, nice clothes for the kids, and enough money for extra activities and fun things to do. If possible there’s a vacation every once in a while. And rarely do you hear Dad complaining.

2. Dads adore their daughters. A daughter thrives from her adoring dad. He notices her-maybe it’s how quickly she learns things or how well she treats others. He supports her developing passionate activities whether it’s a sport, the arts, or academics. Dad’s there to say “atta girl” when things go well and “I know we’ll work this through” when things turn south. The one-to-one time spent together every week proves to her highness that she’s really important to Dad. Oh, and he never forgets to notice her beauty inside and out.

3. Dads support their sons’ masculinity. “Dad believes in my ability to eventually find my own solutions to a situation” is the biggest gift dads can give boys, along with regular one-to-one time. Dads encourage their sons’ curiosity, experimentation, and need to conquer. And if their sons are competitive, dads find a healthy outlet for them. Dads make sure to mix toughness with gentleness and attention to expressing emotions.

4. Dads show love to their wives. Dads show appropriate affection in front of their kids, such as hugs, or a gentle kisses on the cheek. When there’s a disagreement, dads make sure the kids know a solution was worked out. (Kids develop insecurity and don’t learn problem-solving without seeing it happen with parents.) Dads offer caring, loving comments to their wives in front of the kids.

5. Dads teach strong morals and values. Dads make sure to teach what’s right and wrong to their kids. Firm discipline occurs when the rules are broken, and high fives occur with equal emotion when rules are followed. Dads walk the talk.

Dads, you’re doing a lot of things right. (The “high five list” might include some additional things you want to do by the time Father’s Day rolls around next year.) You’re a good dad. Happy Father’s Day.

Gary M Unruh MSW, LCSW has been a child and family mental health counselor for nearly forty years. During that time he and his wife, Betty, have been blessed to raise four beautiful children, and he is a very proud “papa” of seven terrific grandchildren. For two years, he learned a lot about what kind of care clients respond to best when he was the CEO of a mental-health managed-care company for Colorado Blue Cross and Blue Shield.

He has just published a book Unleashing the Power of Parental Love, now available on his web site, http://www.unleashingparentallove.com and all on-line and retail books stores.

Email address: gary@unleashingparentallove.com

See his “Tip-of-the-Week” Monday blogs on his web site for ready-to-use-right-out-of -the-box parenting advice.

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Domestic Violence is Not Just About Physical Abuse

domestic violence2By Ross Rosenberg –

Over the course of my career, I have helped many clients pursue a sense of personal power and emotional health sufficient enough to be safe, strong, and healthy while working through relationships with aggressive and/or abusive partners.

Generally speaking, these aggressive/abusive partners flourish in relationships in which they are given the power to control a person. To maintain power and control in their relationships, they need to be in relationships with individuals who typically have poor boundaries, low self esteem and who have little to no self confidence (a sense of no personal power). Similarly, codependent or co-addictive individuals fall within the abusive partner’s “radar,” especially when they are an addict.

To retain power and control in the relationship, the abusive partner has to control the relationship in order to create an environment of fear, insecurity, and perceived powerlessness. Consequently, a complicated dynamic of domination and submission is created; one in which power and control is perpetuated by physical, emotional, and/or verbal abuse, or the fear of the recurrence of such abuse.

Being afraid, not feeling like you have the power to stop the abuse, and secretly believing they couldn’t find anyone better (being brainwashed), the victim partner believes they are powerless and therefore, trapped in a perpetual cycle of emotional, verbal, and/or physical violence. The cycle is maintained by frequent episodes of abuse which ultimately “brainwash” the victim partner in believing that they do not have any recourse (or resources) to stop the abuse. The cumulative effects of the cycle of abuse create further feelings of powerlessness, which further immobilizes the victim partner.

Contrary to what most people think, the most common mode of maintaining power and control is not through the use of physical violence. Most abuse is either done emotionally or verbally. Most victims of both physical and emotional/verbal abuse attest that the verbal/emotional wounds are deeper, hurt more, and take longer to heal.

The following list illustrates the tactics that the abusive partner uses to exert power of their victim partner that does not include physical violence.

1. Intimidation

2. Emotional abuse

3. Blaming, denying, and minimization

4. Financial control

5. Isolation

6. Turning their children and/or friends against them

7. Coercion and threats

The victim partner keeps “tied” into the abusive relationship due to their lack of experience and knowledge with relationships based upon mutuality, respect, and fairness. Often, the victim comes from a family in which they either experienced harm or neglect as children or witnessed harm or neglect to one of their parents. Often one or both of their parents were either an abuser or a victim of domestic violence. Therefore, the victim partner gravitates toward what is familiar, or unconsciously reminiscent of what they experienced as children. Although strange and paradoxical: what feels familiar is also seemingly safe.

Individuals, who are assertive or aggressive, bold, and/or edgy, seem to be the partners that the victim partner finds as “attractive.” Although this prospective “attractive” partner seems safe, there are lurking red flags that are, at this point invisible. Likewise, the aggressive person is unconsciously attracted to a kind, forgiving, accommodating, and understanding individual, who they unconsciously recognize as someone they can control and who won’t leave them when there abusive side emerges.

The relationships between these two types of people often start off with a bang: high levels of attraction/infatuation, poor boundaries, and intense and frequent sexual activity. Unfortunately, after the “chemistry” wears off, the unconscious elements come to the surface. The abuser establishes domination and the victim feels trapped and consequently falls prey to a role of passivity, fear, and powerlessness.

The saddest part of this relationship dynamic is that the victim partner unwillingly and unknowingly repeats the same patterns of their parents and their parents-parents– all of whom incorrectly believed love and commitment supersedes respect, fairness, mutuality, and most of all, safety. “Love” is maintained at any cost.

Clinical Care Consultants
“Counselors Who Care”

3325 N Arlington Heights Rd., Ste 400 B
Arlington Heights, IL 60004

http://www.clinicalcareconsultants.com

(847) 749-0514
Fax: (847) 749-2995

Since 1988, Ross has been an administrator, professional trainer, counselor/psychotherapist, and an administrator in the mental health, social service and/or child welfare fields. Over the span of his career, Ross has worked with individuals who struggle with substance abuse, addictions, and co-addictions (Codependency). Ross’s addiction work includes chemical addictions (drugs/alcohol) and process or behavior addictions (sexual addiction, Internet addictions, gambling addictions, and spending addictions. Ross’s addiction services include counseling or all types, assessments, and training and consultation services. Ross is considered an expert therapist, consultant and trainer in the field of Sexual and Internet Addictions. Ross is an established Illinois based professional trainer.

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Codependency Co-Addiction – The Dance

dancing4By Ross Rosenberg –

The “dance” of codependency requires two people: the pleaser/fixer and the taker/controller. This inherently dysfunctional dance can only happen with one partner who is a codependent and another partner who is a narcissist (abuser or addict). Codependents do not know how to emotionally disconnect or avoid significant relationships with individuals who are selfish, controlling, and harmful to them. They find partners who are experienced with their dance style: a dance that begins as thrilling and exciting, but ends up rife with drama, conflict, and feelings of being trapped.

When a codependent and narcissist come together in a relationship, their “dance,” unfolds flawlessly: the narcissistic partner maintains the lead and the codependent follows. Because the codependent gives up their power, the dance is perfectly coordinated: no one gets their toes stepped on.

Typically, codependents give of themselves much more than their partners give to them. As a “generous” but bitter partner, they seem to be stuck on the dance floor, always waiting for “next song,” at which time their partner will finally understand their needs. The codependent confuses care-taking and sacrifice with love and responsibility. Although they are proud of their self-described strength, unselfishness, and endless compassion, they end up feeling deflated, empty, and yearning to be loved, but angry that they are not. They are essentially stuck in a pattern of giving and sacrificing, without the potential of receiving the same from their partner. When they dance, they often pretend to enjoy the dance, but usually hide their feelings of bitterness, sadness, and loneliness.

The codependent’s fears and insecurities create a sense of pessimism and doubt over ever finding a healthy partner, someone who could love them for who they are versus what they can do. Naturally, the narcissist is attracted to the codependent’s lack of self-worth and low self-esteem. They intuitively know that they will be able to control this person and be able to choose and control the dancing experience.

All codependents want balance in their relationships, but seem to consistently choose a partner who leads them to chaos and resentment. When given a chance to stop dancing with their narcissistic partner, or comfortably sit out the dance until someone healthy comes around, they choose to continue to dance. The codependent dares not to leave their narcissistic dance partner because their lack of self-esteem and low sense of self-worth manifests into the fear of being alone. Being alone is equivalent to feeling lonely, and loneliness is an intolerable feeling for a codependent.

Without self-esteem or feelings of personal power, the codependent does not know how to choose healthy (mutually giving) partners. Their inability to find a healthy partner is usually related to an unconscious motivation to find a person who is familiar…someone who reminds them of their powerless childhood. Many codependents come from families in which they were children of parents who were also experts at the dance. Their fear of being alone, compulsion to control and fix at any cost, and comfort in their role as the martyr who is endlessly loving, devoted, and patient, is a result of roles they observed early on in their childhood.

No matter how often the codependent tries to avoid “unhealthy” partners, they find themselves consistently on the dance floor dancing to different songs, but with the same dance partner. Through psychotherapy and, perhaps, a 12-step recovery program, the codependent begins to recognize that their dream to dance the grand dance of love, reciprocity, and mutuality, is indeed possible. Through therapy and/or change of lifestyle, they build self-esteem, personal power, and hope to finally dance with partners who are willing and capable to share the lead, communicate their movements, and pursue a shared rhythm.

Clinical Care Consultants
“Counselors Who Care”

3325 N Arlington Heights Rd., Ste 400 B
Arlington Heights, IL 60004

http://www.clinicalcareconsultants.com

(847) 749-0514
Fax: (847) 749-2995

Since 1988, Ross has been an administrator, professional trainer, counselor/psychotherapist, and an administrator in the mental health, social service and/or child welfare fields. Over the span of his career, Ross has worked with individuals who struggle with substance abuse, addictions, and co-addictions (Codependency). Ross’s addiction work includes chemical addictions (drugs/alcohol) and process or behavior addictions (sexual addiction, Internet addictions, gambling addictions, and spending addictions. Ross’s addiction services include counseling or all types, assessments, and training and consultation services. Ross is considered an expert therapist, consultant and trainer in the field of Sexual and Internet Addictions. Ross is an established Illinois based professional trainer.

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The Compatibility Factor in Relationships – Seven Signs That You Are Right for Each Other

Jenny_Jeremy101By Krista Bloom –

Are you looking for someone who is just right for you, but not sure where or how to find him or her? Many people say opposites attract. Maybe that is true, or maybe that is just what we are told as a way of explaining the “mystery” of relationships.

Being right for each other is more about having a “fit” of your personality, habits, and things you think are important. I call this the “compatibility factor”. Here are seven forms of compatibility to look for in your relationship.

1. Personality Compatibility: Do you really get along, or find that you are silently irritated with the other person’s personality? Are you uptight and your date is laid back? Think about if and how you will handle difficult days. Personality is a very important factor, and the most difficult to change.

2. Communication Compatibility: Are you direct or indirect? Does one of you do all the talking? Is one of you the silent type? Look at your conversations. Decide if they flow, and if they are enjoyable for you.

3. Friends and Family Compatibility: Do you get along with one another’s friends and family, or is this a source of stress for your relationship?

4. Health and Nutrition Compatibility: Are you a health food nut or a junk food junkie? Is the only exercise you get channel surfing? Look at if your health-related lifestyles match or not.

5. Financial Compatibility: Are you generous or frugal with your money? How is your partner with their finances? Money is one of the things couples fight about most often. If you share similar financial goals and means, this can be very helpful.

6. Educational Compatibility: Some studies have found (and I have found in my experience and practice) that educational and world experience compatibility are important to many couples. People tend to feel the most comfortable with others who share similar life experiences, professional opportunities, and world views.

7. Intimate Compatibility: Ideas for romance, intimacy and closeness come into play here. One example is PDA (not a hand-held computer) but Public Display Of Affection. You may love to hug and kiss in public, and your date may think it’s just wrong. Having a mismatched style can lead to resentments and have a long-term effect on your love life together.

I hope that you learned about some of the compatibility factors in your own relationship. So what can you do if you are not compatible? You can

1. Accept things as they are

2. Work on yourself and the relationship

Or

3. Leave the relationship.

If you opt for change, you can only change yourself. It’s unreasonable to demand that the person in your life changes unless they want to. If you are in the dating and selection process, it is much more effective to choose a compatible partner now than it is to “fix” something that is “broken” later. Don’t be afraid to let go if things are not working out. Sometimes love really is just not enough. Don’t worry, there are millions of singles in the world to choose from, and you can find one that is compatible with you!

I invite you to access our free e-newsletter called the Sexuality Times at http://www.healingcouch.com . You can also take the Ultimate Compatibility Quiz by clicking here http://www.healingcouch.com if you wonder if you and your partner are compatible!

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Danger of Self-Imposed Isolation (Putting Labels on People)

labels3By Jake Langston –

Classifications can be often be useful but when they are applied to people they can be detrimental. People who have been labeled something they feel they are not may feel angry and unable to break out from that designation. It can seriously impact their lives.

Labels are used sometimes because it’s easy to put people in groups then to get to know them. It can be comforting to some people to use designations but the harmful effects can be long lasting, particularly to children.

In a school setting children are often labeled by teachers, administrators or even their peers. They may find themselves being identified as a class clown, bully, diva or brain. The labels are endless and many people find them hard to live down or live up to.

You may think that putting labels on people is insignificant and harmless but that isn’t the case for everyone. It can cause those labeled to lose their motivation and damage their self-esteem.

When a label is applied it changes the perception the public has on that person. It can make it hard for them to get along in the world. They may feel pigeon-holed in that label, whether fair or unfair.

Those who have been labeled may feel hurt or angry by the designation but may be unable to express those emotions. So, they may shut off or seclude themselves from others to avoid their label. They may feel burdened by others perception of them.

Such self-imposed isolation can lead to serious problems, like depression or anti-social behavior. They may have an identity crisis or substance abuse problems, as a result.

The next time you find yourself tempted to label someone try thinking about what’s making you feel that way and the consequences it can have on that person. Try to keep an open mind and give that person a chance to show you and others all that they are about before you make up your mind about them.

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How To Stop A Gossip In Their Tracks (1)

secretsBy Michael P Brooks –

“Did you hear about Emily’s affair? She was seen at a restaurant having dinner with a man that was not her husband. I mean the nerve of that woman! Her husband is ill and she is fooling around with another man! I called several of my friends and asked them if they knew about her affair! I will get at the bottom of this if it kills me.” This rumor spread like wildfire in a small community in the mid-west. The truth of the matter was Emily was having dinner with her brother whom she had not seen in 15 years. This is the fabric of out-of-control gossip.

Merriam Webster’s dictionary defines a gossip as:

a: person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others
b: rumor or report of an intimate nature
c: a chatty talk

Gossip mongers are people who indulge in such useless talk about others’ personal or private lives. It is a means of sharing views and information but introduces errors or variation in the actual information which is real. Gossip is sometimes referred to spreading of false or dirty information about someone after distorting the real facts. Gossip can also involve discussion of scandals.

I hear more and more people talking about their friends, family members and co-workers behind their backs. Frankly I am tired of it. It seems to me we ought to stop people from being a participant in gossiping. Gossip can end lifetime friendships, divide families, and can destroy businesses and partnerships. It does so much damage in today’s society.

You may recall back in high school where we all joined in talking about the social defunct students who walked amongst us. People would talk about scandalous parties where students were involved in immoral acts. Even the status of certain parents and their jobs or houses they lived in was all fodder for the rumor mill. I remember those days well. Did I participate in gossip during my school years? Of course I did! We all did.

As we get older most of us realize how damaging gossip can be and tend to shy away from it; however, we all know those who just thrive on gossip and look for any excuse to talk about someone. The Inquirer magazine fills a void for many gossips, but most gossips prefer hometown, juicy tales of neighbors and townsfolk. They will share any lie or contrived story for the unsuspecting person who comes along their way. Many gossips have no idea and could probably care less about the damage they do to couples, individuals, and families! How many marriages have been destroyed by a gossip? I see it all the time in my practice. I have had countless couples share stories with me about a friend who started a rumor about someone and the marriage ended up in divorce.

I remember when my daughter was a sophomore in high school and came home one day very upset. She told me that one of her friends had started a rumor about her. I told her not to respond but just leave it alone. I also told her that when someone spreads lies and rumors about fellow classmates, one of them will eventually confront them and it will not be pretty. I always encourage my clients to talk positively when talking about others, like a soon-to-be ex-spouse, former co-workers and friends because “whatever is whispered in secret, will be shouted from the rooftops.” Even though you may think you are telling someone something in confidence out of concern, the information you share will most likely be shared with others. It’s amazing on how many people like to gossip. The trouble that goes with it is not worth it!

My tips on how to deal with a gossip:

• When someone comes to you and starts to gossip, stop them immediately and ask that person if they would mind going to the person they are gossiping about and share it with them. This will stop them in their tracks. This works! I have done this many times with success.

• Ask the person who is gossiping what the point is of sharing personal information? Ask them what they are getting out of it.

• Tell the person who is gossiping that it makes them look small and immature.

• Ask them how they would feel if someone gossiped about them and how would he/she deals with it. Would they want the rumors, gossip, and lies to continue or be stopped?

• One of my favorite questions is to ask the person who is gossiping, “Can we pray about this?” You can ask this question even if you are not a regular church member or a person of faith. The shock value you will get will be priceless!

• Finally, you can simply walk away.

Try these tips. They really do work. I have used them all and have gotten some great results. Don’t be afraid to confront someone that gossips about you or your friends when it’s libel or can get someone hurt. I guarantee you, when you don’t participate in gossip you’re not going to have people attack you or confront you about a rumor, lies or telling secrets.

Have you been a victim of gossip and need help getting over it? Do you want to confront a gossip who is harming your family? Do you need help in moving on and letting go of someone who hurt you through gossip? Are you someone who needs help in stopping your gossip habit? If you answered yes to any of these question, then you better have a plan when someone comes to you and starts gossiping. You need to stop them in their tracks to keep you out of trouble.

Going through a painful divorce can be ugly, fighting to keep a marriage from failing can be exhausting. It takes work either way, that’s where I can help you. I have been doing this kind of work for over 25 years. If you need someone to talk to, you can go to my website at http://www.applicablecoaching.com or http://www.idontwantthisdivorce.com for additional information or you can call 303.456.0555 for additional help.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_P_Brooks
http://EzineArticles.com/?How-To-Stop-A-Gossip-In-Their-Tracks-(1)&id=7625597

 

 

Finding Focus

focusBy Joellyn Sargent –

With constant competition for our attention, focus is in short supply these days. From email bombardment to Twitter overload, endless meetings and constant interruptions, it’s difficult to shut out distractions and focus on the task at hand.

Are we losing our ability to concentrate on important activities because we are so conditioned to jumping from one thing to another? Is multitasking really anti-tasking because we never quite finish anything?

The Big Fizzle

I used to be amazed by how many things I could juggle, until I realized that items were dropping to the floor unnoticed. Eventually I rediscovered those projects and thought, “Wow, did I really never finish that?”

How much time have you wasted on projects that get 70, 80 or 90% complete, but never make it over the finish line?

Based on observations in my client work, this seems to be a 21st century epidemic.You probably know the drill as well: You have a new project or program in mind and it starts off with a lot of excitement and energy. Pretty soon, other priorities begin to chip away, eroding enthusiasm.

Team members start to skip meetings. Deliverables are missed. People forget what the original objective was and you begin to spin in circles – if you have any momentum at all.

The end result is wasted effort, increased distraction, frustration among partners and missed opportunities. Your efforts fizzle out and you wonder why you’re not getting ahead.

That’s no way to run a business! It’s time to break through the clutter and get the focus you need on priorities that matter.

Is that Urgent or Important?

The first step towards doing so is understanding the difference between what is urgent and what’s important.

  • Urgent – must be done quickly
  • Important – must be done (sometime)

This is a critical perspective because some things that are deemed urgent may actually be less important than other priorities. Do you need to sign that PO for a fresh supply of pens? It’s urgent if you want them delivered by the end of the week. Does that make it more important than reviewing the contract for a new copier lease? Probably not.

Many of us fall prey to the belief that if we just take care of all these urgent little tasks, the distractions will go away and we can focus on the big important things. Unfortunately, there are always urgent items, minor emergencies and fire drills to deal with, so we never get to the really important stuff.

The only way to find the focus you need to ensure success with truly important activities is to first differentiate between the two, and then prioritize accordingly.

Many years ago I developed a simple rating system for projects that applies a matrix view:

  • 1, 2, 3 ratings assess urgency
  • A, B, C ratings indicate importance

An A1 item is both urgent and important, so it takes precedence over an item rated B1 or A2. If something on my list scores C3, I need to question why it’s there at all. Is it “nice to have” or a waste of resources?

Applying a scale like this to your to-do list ensures that important but less urgent tasks don’t consistently land at the bottom of the list, where they languish for ages. Break big projects into small tasks and rate them appropriately so that important items get done.

Stop the Frenzy

Even with the a system like this, you’ll still encounter distractions that deter you from your goals. Overcoming that challenge requires the ability to block them out completely, at least long enough to allow concentration and creativity to bloom.

Sometimes this requires a change of venue, sequestering yourself or your team without email, cell phones or media. It may be as simple as closing your door and turning off your computer for an hour so you can think. Taking a daily walk to clear your head can do wonders as well.

Breaking the frenzied cycle of activity – even for just a few minutes each day – allows focus and clarity to return. Making this a habit can help you and your staff develop the discipline to maintain attention on tasks that matter most to your long term success, reducing missed opportunities and improving results.

Note – I’m taking my own advice right now. I retreated to Florida for a week to work on my new book, Beyond the Launch, without distractions. Progress is going well and I’m looking forward to sharing the finished product! If you want to be alerted when it’s available, be sure to sign up for my email list.

Joellyn “Joey” Sargent is principal of BrandSprout LLC, an Atlanta-based strategic marketing and management consulting firm. Joey brings fresh perspectives to challenging business issues, helping her clients succeed by building brand awareness, engaging customers and increasing market share.

A passionate advocate of entrepreneurship, Joey has founded 3 companies, was a key executive with two start-ups and has worked for Fortune 500 companies including UPS and BellSouth (now AT&T). With global leadership experience in branding, strategy, and communications, Joey advises business owners on strategies for dramatic growth, building high-performing marketing teams and leveraging technology for maximum impact.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joellyn_Sargent
http://EzineArticles.com/?Finding-Focus&id=7527161

 

 

3 Reasons Why People Are Verbally Abusive

femalebullyBy Hans Hallanger –

It appears that there are 3 main reasons why a person is verbally abusive toward someone else:

1) The person is evil and mean. You see this. It is there. Some people are just unbelievably mean and cruel. Sometimes people get involved with people like that because the mean person is nice enough to fool the other person. Then when you are married the real person comes out. The evil, the meanness, the cruelty.

2) The person thinks that being cruel, mean and evil to others is justified because they know best. Or it is for your own good. Or because they love you or some other lame excuse. They will justify shouting at you or criticizing you because they are looking out for you. You need to be told what to do and how to think.

3) They forgot that they are this way for some medical or mental or physical reason. They will spend hours lecturing you on your faults late into the night, go to bed and the next day not remember saying anything. They will lash out at you with cruel name calling, sarcastic remarks or raging fits. Then later will talk to you like nothing happened. They will be nice and loving.

In all 3 cases the end result is the same.

You are verbally abused and it hurts.

You are lessened as a person. Verbal abuse hurts you. The longer this happens to you the more it affects you.

Just the hearing of bad against you affects you.

The reasons why it is happening do not matter. What matters is that it is happening to you.

And you need it to stop.

The stronger you are, the more confident you are, the more you are in charge of your own life, the less this kind of thing affects you. You get out sooner.

But, it will affect you. If this is your spouse saying this and doing this, it will affect you.

The absolute best way to deal with this kind of thing is to leave it behind.

Leave. It is easiest. It works and it is best.

Hans Hallanger is The Organized Man. Check out the link http://www.organized-way.com/leave-your-wife.html to learn more about the eBook “How to Leave Your Wife.”

He also writes about getting organized. Do you dream of having more free time, of a simpler life, of less stress, of an uncluttered home, of well-designed storage systems and about getting more done? My website, http://www.organized-way.com/index.html is full of easy ways to quickly improve your life.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Hans_Hallanger
http://EzineArticles.com/?3-Reasons-Why-People-Are-Verbally-Abusive&id=5099452

 

 

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