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Self Confidence – The Key to Happines

May 13, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

Self confidence is the priceless ingredient that makes for a happy and successful life. It begins to develop at birth and escalates or diminishes, depending on the way we are raised, the different types of experiences we encounter, and the way others regard us. Self confidence determines our personality.

The resources we need to build up self confidence are in our minds, and therefore always accessible to us if we look within ourselves. William James the American thinker believed that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitude of mind.

Divya a young girl of fifteen, lives in a remote village in India. She is the daughter of a toddy tapper who died prematurely, leaving behind a family of five with no means of sustenance. Divya decided to take up her father’s profession although she had never climbed a tree before, and nobody had ever heard of a female toddy tapper. It was exclusively a man’s job, and in her traditional society, she met with stiff opposition from the men, and ridicule from the women. Her family was worried about the risks to life. But Divya with just a week of practice and with a great deal of confidence, carries on with her father’s job. Her work begins at dawn and is strenuous. But it lasts for only a few hours each morning. She earns enough to support her family and to continue with her studies. As Norman Vincent Peale often said, “You can if you think you can.”

Barriers to Self confidence.

o Inferiority Complex: It is the lack of a sense of worth that emotionally cripples people. It can begin in childhood even in the home environment due to parental criticism or rude sibling comments.

Children in school may be critical of one’s physical appearance or intelligence.

Neighbors can be thoughtless in the way they relate to children. A rude and condescending attitude to a child can make him feel worthless.

With the rise of Feminism, the status of motherhood has been viewed as a form of servitude. The stay-at-home mother feels inferior to her economically independent counterparts. Print and audiovisual media glorify images of smart superwomen in the corporate world, or sexy models and film stars who are the cynosure of all eyes. Physical attractiveness is at a high premium. Advertisements flaunting beauty creams, hair dyes, anti-aging salves, perfumes, designer wear, give those who cannot afford such luxuries an inferiority complex and a poor self image.

o Feelings of Inadequacy: Many people who have retired from their jobs and active lifestyles feel worthless with nothing to do. Self pity sets in and confidence plunges.

o Sexual Inadequacy: Fear of being physically and sexually inadequate, fear of being unattractive or even fear of pregnancies, can sap one’s self confidence.

o Environment: When one is not treated with respect and dignity at home or in the work place, a person can slip into self pity and feel that he is of no consequence to the world. Caste, colour, money, power are prejudices that can undermine the self confidence of victims.

o Fear: Autocratic parents, violent spouses, inconsiderate colleagues, nagging wives, disrespectful children – these are some of the situations that make people afraid or insecure. They develop a poor distorted self image, which robs them of self confidence.

o Worry: “The mind that is anxious about the future is miserable,” says Seneca. It affects one’s mental ability to think clearly or solve simple problems. Worry is a mouse that chews up self confidence.

Ways to build up self confidence.

1. Introspection: Are you living up to your full potential? If not, what are the road blocks you encounter? Road blocks are challenges. They are not insurmountable. It is wise to make a list and tackle them one by one. The more you are able to handle each one of them the more confident you get. Therefore, refuse to quit.

William Wilberforce was dogged by illness for most of his life. He was an opium addict for 20 years. But he never lacked self confidence. He was an able Parliamentarian and worked towards abolition of slavery in Britain. His imposing memorial in the Westminster Abbey describes him as the “Attorney General of unprotected families and the friendless.”

2. Love yourself in a healthy way. Be happy with who you are. Recognize the power and potential that God has given you, and build on it.

o Know yourself. What are your strong points and what are your limitations? Work on the latter.

o Believe in yourself. “Self trust is the first secret of success,” says Ralph Waldo Emerson. Strive to change what you don’t like in yourself.

o Set high standards to achieve, based on honesty and integrity. Don’t waste time trying to live up to standards others have set for you. Be careful not to fall in line with the values of a commercialized, eroticized, immoral society. Don’t be like the 300 giant whales that chose to follow a school of sardines and got trapped inside a bay. Chart your own course, visualize victory and live for a purpose.

3. Have a positive mindset. Plan your moves according to what you wish to be. Stay motivated towards that goal.

According to Jean Sharbuno, “Positive Expectancy is a mindset- an eager anticipation of success, and doing whatever that takes to make it happen.” One is reminded of John Keats the sickly young English poet who in spite of declining health was confident enough to say, “I think I shall be England’s greatest poet after my death.”

4. Self Discipline: “The first and best victory is to conquer one’s self,” says Plato.

Keep ugly thoughts out of your mind. Set high standards for yourself and focus on achieving them. Settle for lasting values and maintain integrity in whatever you do. Positive autosuggestion will boost confidence. The mantra of “I am a confident person. I believe in myself” should be repeated several times a day, until you are convinced that you are a confident person.

The humble spider has much to teach us about self confidence. It has an inbuilt mechanism for survival. If it is wounded, it releases a protein filled silk thread on which it slides down and builds another web in a new place. When it is time to lay eggs it produces a protective silk sac to hold the eggs. An enemy who comes too close gets stuck to the sticky exterior of the sac. Then the spider weaves more threads around the enemy and eats it up.

A self confident person will live life to his highest potential. He will strengthen his weak points and profit from his strong points. “Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result but the cause of fear,” says Norman Vincent Peale. We need to remember that we are precious in God’s sight, and He has imbued us with power and potential to live confidently.

Eva Bell is a doctor of Medicine and also a freelance writer of articles, short stories, children stories.
Published in Indian magazines and newspapers, anthologies and also on the web.
Author of two novels, one non-fiction, two children’s books. Special interest- Travel and Women’s Issues.
http://www.evabell.net Blog: http://www.muddyloafers.blogspot.com

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Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: Key to Happiness, self improvement, self confidence

Do You Know What Determines Your Happiness?

May 6, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Eric Karpinski -

In my talks and workshops, inevitably there is a point when I have to pause while people absorb a particularly surprising fact from the research on happiness. What do people find so shocking? It’s what determines our happiness. [Hint: it's not buying new shoes...]

Researchers have shown that:

50% of our happiness is based on our genes. The random set of genes you received from your biological parents defines your overall range of happiness. Some of us won the genetic lottery, are blessed with sunny dispositions and naturally see the good in life. Others of us have a tendency towards pessimism and glass-is-half-empty thinking. Some scientists describe this as a basic happiness “set point.”

(Here’s the shocker) Only 10% of our happiness comes from external circumstances. Your financial resources, your career, the climate where you live, your health, whether you have a life partner, how hot you look – all these things determine just 10% of your ongoing level of happiness. (Think about how upset this fact makes marketers trying to get us to buy our way into happiness!) Why? It’s due to adaptation. No matter what good things or bad things happen to you – a promotion at work, a new car, getting married to the love of your life – you adapt and after a time (often not very long) it no longer carries much emotional benefit. Think about the last time you worked hard to accomplish something or bought something you really wanted. How long did the buzz last? How long before those positive emotions were replaced with the desire for the next thing? In one well-documented study, researchers found that both lottery winners and people who had become paraplegic returned to their original baseline level of happiness within one year of their life-changing event. Striving to achieve and acquire, while a fine way to spend your time, is not a path to sustainable increases in happiness.

So guess what? That remaining 40% of our Happiness comes from our intentional activity: what we do and how we think. Forty percent of our happiness is therefore IN OUR CONTROL. Researchers have been actively testing what activities and thought patterns add to our happiness and which ones reduce it. Study after study has shown that as people integrate these activities into their lives and make new habits, they sustainably increase their happiness.

This is what excites me most about this work. This is why I write this newsletter, speak publicly and coach my clients about this material. Change IS possible. We can sustainably increase our own happiness and many of these new habits and activities take just a few minutes a day.

Eric Karpinski, ACC, CPCC
The Happiness Coach

I am passionate about sharing the power of the science of happiness through my talks, workshops and coaching. I have seen the potential this work has to transform people’s lives for the better and want to give this gift to as many people as I can. The Happiness Coach

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Filed Under: Happiness

6 Keys to a Happier Lifestyle

April 29, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Gary Kent Boyd -

The American Psychological Association has found, through a recent study that more than half of Americans are living lives with moderate stress. Close to 25% admit to being very severely stressed. A study done on absenteeism at work by the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development shows that it is chronic pain and depression that account for 2/3rds of long term absenteeism at work. Stress related causes account for the rest. Add on the stress from unemployment a lot of Americans face each day, deepening debt that for most cannot be avoided, the fear of having their homes foreclosed upon, has become a major health issue for millions of Americans causing heart attacks in the worst case scenarios.

2008 Report

A 2008 report done by Sue Shellenbarger that works for the Wall Street Journal as a journalist states that, “91% of 8-17 year olds said they can tell when their parents are stressed out. Many feel sad, worried and frustrated as a result.” Our own children become rampant carriers of family financial stress with very severe consequences.

First Time in History

Children that live in America are now more likely to have shorter life spans than their elders for the first time in history. Obese kids are even more likely to develop chronic diseases than their peers that do not have the problem. It is estimated that 33% of school age children have the deadly overweight issue. It would seem through careful observation that the distractions of everyday contemporary life is keeping us from living out our lives as we intended, living up to the values we once had and thriving as individuals in a society that has everything.

Sociologist Judith Schor

Judith Schor a sociologist told the Los Angeles Times in an opinion piece, “We work too much, eat too quickly, socialize too little, drive an sit in traffic for too many hours, do not get enough sleep and feel hurried too much of the time.” Is it any wonder then that lives are becoming so dysfunctional and dissatisfying?

Nothing New

Over the last 35 years Americans have increased their income 20%. Our homes have doubled in size, more gadgets and the latest of everything have been enjoyed, but still we are not happier as a nation nor do we seem to grasp what it is that will make up happy.

Benjamin Franklin

Benjamin Franklin once stated, “The Constitution only guarantees the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it for yourself.” We, as a nation, have to define what will make up happy then find out our way of achieving it. The pursuit of happiness is a God given right backed up by the Constitution, an inalienable right. Thus we continue on a daily basis to seek out what it is that spurs our inner motor, that ticks our clock, that turns us on to the max, that turns work into play. Very few of us achieve that feeling, that rush of satisfaction that comes with living life to the hilt and truly enjoying it.

What science has Found

A great deal of science is being applied today to actually defining what makes us happy and what happiness is. Here are a few of what the scientists have come up with.

1. The choices you make in life is the determining factor in what satisfies us as a nation. Achieving balances with your partner, balancing work with pleasure, leading a healthy lifestyle and participating in social events are key factors in our roadmap in the pursuit of happiness.

2. Couples that prioritize their family goals are much happier than couples who put career and material wealth first.

3. Long key healthy relationships with your life time mate and friends in general are key to good mental health.

4. Being able to laugh can lower your stress hormones even to the effect of giving you an entirely different outlook and attitude towards life and the pursuit of happiness itself.

5. A study done at New York University in Canada came to the conclusion that helping others on a daily basis raises happiness levels and lowered depression among the ones who participated in it.

6. Going to church services on a regular basis, having close friends in the congregation, developing social skills are key to a happier and more satisfying life according to a University of Wisconsin – Madison study.

Conclusion

Looking at what we just found out it would be advantageous for us to pursue policies, as well as practices, that will stack the deck in favor of your pursuit of happiness and good sound mental health. Helping others obtain their goals is one key that can help you overcome your selfishness and desire to always putting self-first. Put another first in your life and see what it does for your overall happiness and health. It just might be a change for the good.

Contact my email for any copy you would like done at boydgary4422@gmail.com

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Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: happier lifestyle, Happiness, self improvement

Our Ego’s Deepest Need – Appreciation

April 22, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

By John Groberg -

Our ego has a lot of needs. It wants to be safe, it wants to be comfortable, it wants to be stimulated. But most of all it just wants to be appreciated. Appreciation is the deepest need of our ego- deeper even than love (at least what the ego thinks of as love). The ego craves appreciation and it will go to great lengths to find it from outside itself. If it isn’t feeling appreciated in a job or in a relationship, it will soon start seeking a new job or a new relationship where it thinks it can find more appreciation. We have the power to give our ego the appreciation it craves, but all too often we think that appreciation is something that comes from outside us- from others. We neglect to appreciate our own egos- often because we’ve been taught and believed that our egos are part of our lower nature and need to be overcome and subdued. On the other end of the spectrum, we may indulge in false flattery of the ego, trying to make ourselves feel important and better than others or desperately seeking the approval and appreciation of others and willing to overlook our own standards in order to get it. I believe that a lack of appreciation for the ego combined with a lack of leadership of the ego by the Spirit is the root of most of our suffering and unhappiness.

First- let’s just get clear on some definitions:

The Ego:

The built in intelligence of the physical body- that auto-pilot/subconscious part of us whose programming is to create, maintain and extend physical life. When you read about our “subconscious mind” you can substitute ego for subconscious mind- they are one and the same. Ego just has taken on a somewhat negative connotation. It is the part of us that operates autonomously- without the need for our conscious control. It divides our cells, oxygenates and filters our blood, digests our food, heals our wounds, and much much more. In essence it creates, grows, maintains and preserves the physical body and the separate self (small “s”). In addition it is the realm of the automatic- the habitual. Your internal autopilot is a great analogy for the Ego.

The Spirit:

Who you were before you came into the body, who you are now in your body and who you will be when your current physical body returns to the earth from whence it came. Eternal and immortal. Never born, therefore can never die, or cease to exist or be. Connected to God and All Creation and to all other Spirit. Both separate and unified with your body, both separate and unified with all others and all creation. Already contains great wisdom and knowledge. Motivated only by pure loving kindness and joyful creation. A deliberate creator in partnership with God. Your internal guidance system that can lead and guide you in this earth life.

The Ego has many needs- after the physical safety and security of the body are met, the needs extend to feeling part of a group or community, and then growing the self’s power and influence over others and over the physical environment.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is probably the best summary of how the Ego works. However, it’s deepest and often most unfulfilled need is the need to be appreciated. This need is deeper even than the need to be loved.

For example- if you ask divorced women if their ex-husbands loved them- most will tell you “Yes, I knew he loved me, I just never felt he appreciated me.” I have a good friend whose wife left him and when I told him about this concept of appreciation, he told me “That’s exactly what she said in our counseling sessions before the divorce! That she knew I loved her, but didn’t feel I appreciated her!”

The Spirit doesn’t need appreciation, love, acceptance or validation. It doesn’t need anything. It already is all those things and more. The Ego, however, does crave, need and desire all those things. It ultimately can only really receive the love and appreciation it desires from the Spirit who has it to give in abundance. But the Ego looks for love in all the wrong places. Any place besides the Spirit is the wrong place. It looks for it in others- first parents, then friends, then spouses, then children, then the world at large. Always seeking outside what can only truly be found inside. “Ever seeking and never coming to a knowledge of the truth.”

This external seeking nature of the Ego is where we tend to get into trouble. Because the need is insatiable when received from the outside. It is only satiable when received from the inside- from the Spirit. Even when the Ego does feel like it gets some love and appreciation from the outside- whether from parents, friends, spouse, children, work, money or the world at large, it is only temporarily satisfying, and it is easily lost. Like the man who thirsts and sleeping, he dreams that he drinks, but awaking finds himself thirsty still. So ever seeking and never coming to a knowledge of the truth, the Ego- if left un-managed, or poorly led, will continually seek love and appreciation and approval outside itself. If it doesn’t feel like it’s getting it in its current relationship, it will go seeking for it elsewhere.

Here is the basic thought that the Ego loves to attach to- see if it sounds familiar:

- “My__________ (parents, husband, wife, boss, friend, partner) doesn’t really appreciate me or understand me.” So the search continues.

Here’s the truth- No one else outside of your Spirit and God can ever really appreciate and understand you, which is precisely why you feel like they never do!

Now there are many happy marriages where the spouses do love and appreciate each other- and I highly recommend doing so because it makes for a great marriage. But the problem that many don’t see is that because they are currently receiving love and appreciation from someone outside themselves, they still don’t bother to get it from inside themselves- from the only insatiable and permanent source- their own Spirits and by literal extension, God. So when the stresses of life come as they do (because we believe and don’t investigate stressful thoughts- but that is another topic), the love and appreciation received from the other person may fade or disappear temporarily and there we go again- the searching outside continues.

So, how do we stop the endless seeking and never coming to a knowledge of the truth? We simply awake to the reality of life that hopefully this post has helped accomplish. Once we understand what’s really going on here, we can start to give our Ego the love and appreciation it so craves, while at the same time giving it loving guidance and leadership it also craves.

I like to think of the Ego as a child- a VERY INTELLIGENT CHILD, but a child nonetheless. What do children need?

1)Safety/Security,

2)Love and Appreciation and

3) Coaching/Leadership/Boundaries. The Ego is no different. In fact it is the reason that children need those things- because it is really the Ego needing those things- and it doesn’t stop needing those things just because the body has matured from the childhood stage.

So here is what I find works. Throughout the day, notice a little more all the amazing things your Ego does for you. For starters, it completely runs the inconceivably complex processes of maintaining your body in good health and healing it when not in good health. So when I wake up in the morning, I (my Spirit) say to myself (my Ego) something like this:

“Thank you for a good night’s sleep- I get to just sleep and you’ve been busy all night digesting food, dividing cells, filtering blood, cleansing the body of contaminates, circulating air, blood, and energy, restoring and healing damaged parts and reinvigorating my energy. What would I ever do without you? I would be dead that’s what! So thanks again, I really appreciate everything you do for me!”

As you go through the day, just have a sense of gratitude and appreciation for everything your Ego does for you. When you go to the bathroom, “Thank you for knowing exactly what to keep and what to get rid of to keep this body healthy.” When you eat a meal “Thank you for knowing exactly how to turn this meal into what the body needs.”

When you notice the ego seeking love and appreciation outside of yourself (remember the ego is the domain of the automatic and habitual), gently remind it that it’s seeking where it cannot find. For example, when a spouse says something cranky, rude or selfish, instead of reacting on autopilot (“no love and appreciation there- keep searching elsewhere”) just say something like:

“Ooops, searching again where you can’t find. That’s just their Ego going on autopilot and reacting to their perceived stress. You know what that’s like don’t you. Besides, you’ve already got the REAL DEAL from me- your Spirit. Just let that comment go- it has no life of its own unless you give it life by believing it. Let me (your Spirit) share with them (their Ego) the love and appreciation it craves until they can find their own inexhaustible source inside themselves just like you have.”

I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me. This is a lifelong process of improvement, I don’t claim to be a master and to never let my Ego go searching outside. But at least I am more awake to what’s going on and can notice it happening which is a big change from not being aware, not noticing, and being on full reactionary auto-pilot.

John Groberg writes on a wide variety of topics related to personal and spiritual growth. His slogan is Grow. By Choice�. His articles draw out principles of personal and spiritual growth common to the world’s ancient wisdom and spiritual texts as well as many of the great philosophers, poets, and writers of ancient and modern times. These principles are then put to the test in his own life with an emphasis on simple, sustainable practices we can apply in our daily lives to more effectively deal with the stresses and struggles of modern life and to more fully realize the benefits of deliberate growth. John developed a model called the Divine-Align-Shine model as a way of visually organizing the principles, practices and the overall process of personal and spiritual growth. His writings are cataloged and organized on his website, http://www.johngroberg.com where contact information is available.

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Filed Under: Gratitude/appreciation, Happiness Tagged With: appreciation, ego, self improvement

Mastering the Skill of Happiness

April 15, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Eli Attias -

Applying Happiness

Everyone wants to be happy, but not everyone is actually committed in doing what it takes to become happy. A real and honest commitment with yourself requires that you master the proper attitudes and actions to create happiness. Of course it involves careful study and practice. When you want to make a commitment simply saying you will do it will not suffice. If you want to learn to ride a bike the first step is to buy a bike. Imagine someone claims that it is important for him to learn to ride a bike but when you ask him if he bought a bike he says no. It shows that the person is not serious about learning how to ride a bike.

Just like making a commitment to learn how to ride a bike is up to the person, so to happiness. A person’s commitment to trying to master happiness is all up to you. You can create it or destroy it all in a matter of moments if you choose not to apply happiness to your life. Your intense commitment to master happiness will enable you to experience more happiness for yourself and for the many people that surround you. They will be able to benefit from your happiness and they will be able to benefit from the way to interact from a place of joy. Even if you feel you don’t deserve to be happy, or you feel that your life is too damaged to be happy you need to remind yourself that you were born and therefor you have an automatic birthright to happiness. You don’t need to be considered special by any other person to have a right to be happy.

Every human has intrinsic worth and infinite value. When you know and feel that you have a right to be happy a potential barrier or blockade to your happiness is automatically removed. People often make the mistake that happiness is only for those people who deserve it or those who have a right to be happy. However there is a huge flaw with that logic. Who created the criteria for people who are deserving or not deserving of happiness? In reality, all it is, is realizing that the ability to be happy stems from yourself and that it is your birthright. The decision is totally up to you to be happy, and you should make it your obligation to get to the root and master your happiness.

This article was written by professional speaker and motivational author Eli Attias from his website. His website provides many informational and inspiring posts and articles on what it means to be happy and touches upon many topics such as Anger, Self-Control, Patience, Relationship Advice, and much more. You can visit his website at http://www.HappinessDirect.com/

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Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: choosing happiness, self improvement, skill of happiness

Personal Responsibility – Count Your Blessings

April 8, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Michael Hume -

Don’t Feel Like A Victim; Things Could Be Worse

Every evening I try to take the opportunity to watch the sunset. This week, I’m in a beautiful place in Colorado where the sunsets are truly magnificent, so I feel very fortunate to witness this daily miracle from the top of a tall mountain. For at least a half hour or so, I try to clear my mind of all my worries long enough to whisper a quiet prayer of thanksgiving for my many blessings.

As a person who aspires to inspirational leadership, I feel it’s my personal responsibility to do this, no matter how difficult or frustrating the day or the week may have been.

The way things are going in the world today, it’s easy to slide into the “victim mentality” and lose sight of your blessings. In my country, our leaders seem to be doing everything they can to amplify this feeling of frustrated victimhood, seeming to prefer government “help” and control to personal responsibility and the can-do spirit that built the country in the first place. In this hot, stressful season, I’m coaching too many people who seem to have lost too much courage.

I’m no savior, I’m just a guy who’s trying to be an advocate of responsibility and cock-eyed optimism. And I’m not delivering any sermons on the mount, I’m just up there watching the sunset. That said, I’d like to offer a few modern-day beatitudes to think about when things start to get you down:

If you’re worried about a family member who’s in the service overseas, it’s easy to focus on how fortunate other people are whose kin are all civilians out of harm’s way. Instead, consider how lucky you are that the war is happening in a distant land, and that bombs are not likely to drop anywhere near your house… thanks to those brave heroes over there. I’m reminded of a caller I heard on a radio program last year… he was a soldier serving in Iraq, and his point was that every morning, when he looks in the mirror, he realizes that no matter how bad things go today, he can’t call 9-1-1; he IS 9-1-1. Talk about a can-do attitude. Talk about a blessing!

If you’re poor in America, it’s easy to focus on the good fortune of those who have more than you have. But think about how lucky you are to be in the U.S., and not in a truly disadvantaged country where poor families do not own microwave ovens and multiple televisions. Our centuries of free market liberty have made our poor the “richest poor” in the history of the world.

If you’re overweight, it’s easy to sit around and feel fat and unattractive, and to be envious of others with greater vitality and better looks (as you perceive them). It might be harder to remember that you live in a land of plenty, where you have choices: if you choose to eat whatever you want, you have plenty to eat. And if you choose to drop the weight, ramp up the energy, and live longer… in America, you can do it with nothing more than a firm decision and a dose of self-discipline.

If you’re unemployed, how easy it is to envy your wage-earning friends! But you are blessed to live in a time and place where reinventing your career is always possible. Even with the government “helping” by throwing up new roadblocks on almost a weekly basis, you can still start an online business these days with a level of financial investment so low as to make you the envy of every past generation of entrepreneurs. Such a venture can sustain you until you get a new job… or find you don’t need one. You might even grow that business to such prosperity that you are in a position to provide work for the next wave of the newly-unemployed.

If your kids are out-of-control, your spouse does nothing but heave deep sighs, your parents criticize everything you do, and your friends are too busy for you… you’ll be tempted to give up and slide into self-pity. But think about how truly fortunate you are that these are the biggest problems in your life. Be thankful none of those under-appreciative loved ones are stricken with life-threatening disease, or disabled and requiring around-the-clock care.

No matter what your big problem is, try to remember things could be much worse. This is an important personal responsibility, because things may indeed get much worse, and if you let yourself become victimized by your current difficulties, you’ll never have the courage and conviction to overcome the tougher ones. But if you realize now that, no matter the problem, you can do something about it… if you suck up the energy and commitment to become the undefeatable person you were meant to be… if you learn to see your blessings instead of focusing on your challenges… no misfortune can beat you.

Don’t let the sun go down on your spirit, and allow the challenges of your world to pull you down into a darkness of despair and victimhood. Instead, climb your mountain, count your blessings, and be thankful for being able to appreciate the unspeakable beauty of something as simple as the daily miracle of a spectacular sunset.

Michael Hume is a speaker, writer, and consultant specializing in helping people maximize their potential and enjoy inspiring lives. As part of his inspirational leadership mission, he coaches executives and leaders in growing their personal sense of well-being through wealth creation and management, along with personal vitality.

Michael and his wife, Kathryn, divide their time between homes in California and Colorado. They are very proud of their offspring, who grew up to include a homemaker, a rock star, a service talent, and a television expert. Two grandchildren also warm their hearts! Visit Michael’s web site at http://michaelhume.net

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Filed Under: Gratitude/appreciation, Happiness Tagged With: appreciation, count your blessings, Gratitude/appreciation, self improvement

Appreciation Flows Both Ways

April 1, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Sandy Geroux -

An Administrative Professional I recently met works for the head doctor of a large medical practice. Most workers in the practice are rather intimidated by him and his position. But because she works directly for him, she has an opportunity to see (and comment upon) his kindness and actions more often than others who are not in this position. Every once in a while, she writes her boss a note about something she really appreciates about him or something he did. While you may assume that this would mean nothing to such an important and highly placed man in the organization, he prizes those notes so much that he brings them home to show his wife!

How often do leadership training programs stress the importance of leaders recognizing and rewarding great work, fantastic attitudes, and an excellent work ethic in the people who work for them? All the time… and rightly so, because it is necessary for great leaders to inspire WOW performance and attitudes through formal and informal means of appreciation.

But have you ever thought about how often those above you in leadership positions ever receive ANY kind of informal appreciation from others? Even though these leaders get higher compensation, perks, and other monetary rewards for being in those positions, they are still human… and all humans appreciate hearing it once in a while.

Most leaders don’t receive the same recognition as other employees because employees in lower level positions may be intimidated by the leader’s position and not feel comfortable giving praise upward (especially to those in much higher levels of the organization).

However, although leaders are usually adequately rewarded monetarily for their efforts, study after study tells us that compensation is often 4th in the list of desired job attributes, the top three being that people want to be valued, appreciated, and listened to. If leaders never receive the “Appreciation” portion of this equation, they miss out on what most humans desire: consistent validation that they are making a difference on a human level. This could cause leaders to forget what it’s like to be “human” on the job, forgetting how good it feels to be informally appreciated occasionally. It may also foster feelings and attitudes, such as, “I don’t get any appreciation, and I’m doing just fine; if it’s good enough for me, it’s good enough for them!”

Remember that leaders are human, too – and appreciation flows both ways. The next time you see an appropriate opportunity to let a leader in your organization know how much you appreciate something they just did (or even what they do on a regular basis), create a WOW for them and say something about it.

If we start reminding our leaders of how great it feels to receive small acts of appreciation from others, it just might inspire them to do it more often in return – for everyone they lead.

Sandy Geroux is a national speaker, trainer and author who helps organizations create breakthrough performance with her programs on “Turning Your Workplace Into a WOWplace!” For more information and tips, or to inquire about her availability to speak to your group, please visit her website at http://www.SandyGeroux.com or e-mail her at sandyg@sandygeroux.com.

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Filed Under: Gratitude/appreciation, Happiness Tagged With: accepting appreciation, apppreciation, self improvement, showing appreciation

How Do I Know If I’m Happy?

March 25, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

Dan Bockmann, D.C. -

“So, are you happy?” An old friend and I were having dinner, and I was completely unprepared for the question. My first knee-jerk reaction was to say, “Yeah, of course! Why do you ask?” But the more I thought about it, the more unsure I was. I mean, how do you know if you’re happy?

We’ve all felt happiness before — on a wedding day, with a promotion at work, or after winning a softball game — but does this mean we have a happy life? Is it as simple as tallying up your ‘happy points’ and your ‘sad points’ and seeing which is higher? It seemed like there must be more to it than that.

Over the years I’ve discovered the secret to answering that question, “So, are you happy?” The secret to being happy is: Realizing happiness when you feel it!

So, I started by tuning in my ‘happiness detector’ to pick up every single high point in my day. And you know what? There were a lot more high points than I was expecting! Before I knew it, each day started to feel like an endless stream of small but satisfying victories. And by comparison, my daily obstacles seemed much less intimidating. And this totally makes sense when you think about it.

In a football game, every point is a small triumph, and the final score is merely a summary of these triumphs. If the scorekeeper decided not keep up with individual points & focused only on the final score, he’d have nothing to add up at the end of the game. Neither team would know how the game went. It works the same way in our lives. If we don’t notice the good things in our lives (no matter how small), our days will become unremarkable drudgery. Pretty hard to be excited about that.

So my challenge to you is, look for the little pleasures in your day. Notice a sunset. Smile when gas prices go down. Rejoice when traffic is light. Tell a silly joke. Who knows — you might be happy already and just not know it! And the next time someone asks you if you’re happy, you’ll know!

Dr. Dan Bockmann founded Austin Spine & Sport, a chiropractic and sports medicine clinic in Austin, TX. He can be contacted at chiropractor-austin-tx

When he’s not helping patients, he enjoys playing competitive beach volleyball, climbing rocks at the Greenbelt and sampling unfiltered sake on the patio.

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Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: Happiness, how do I know if I'm happy?, self improvement

What Is Happiness?

March 11, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Jay Arthur -

The January-February 2012 issue of the Harvard Business Review explored the effects of happiness on employee productivity and profits.

“People aren’t very good at predicting what will make them happy.” Most people, for example, think that achieving a goal will make them happy; it does, but only for a short while. Surprisingly, people who are happy have an easier time achieving goals. “Happy people are more creative and more productive,” says Daniel Gilbert, professor of psychology at Harvard.

It’s not the big successes that make us happy. The frequency of good things is more important than the intensity of good things. “Happiness is the sum of hundreds of small [everyday] things” that matter most. “This also suggests that happiness on the job may depend more on our routine interactions with coworkers, the projects we’re invoved in, our daily contributions,” says Matthew Killingsworth, a doctoral student at Harvard.

“Happy employees produce more than unhappy ones,” says Spreitzer and Christine Porath. And they are more likely to get promoted. “Most people believe that success precedes happiness,” says Shawn Achor, but happiness, in fact, preceeds success.

If happiness is so important to productivity, profits and promotion, why do we so often consider it frivolous, silly and a waste of time? This is one of the lunacies of modern business.

We frequent a certain restaurant for breakfast. Many times the workers are chattering and laughing away happily in the kitchen as they work. One waitress complained that there is too much “fun” going on in the kitchen. Isn’t laughter and talk an indicator that employees are enjoying their jobs? Yes, there is a balance, but silence and moody workers are not good for business either.

There are many ways to increase happiness in daily life, but one of the simplest ways is to develop a sense of humor. How do comedians find the humor in even the darkest of events? They ask themselves a few simple questions:

• What’s funny about this?

• If this were happening to someone else (e.g., your favorite comedian) would it be funny?

• What’s it like? (What’s something similar that would be funny?)

Kids laugh hundreds of times a day; adults laugh much less often. Yes there are what we call “jolly people.” Maybe they’ve been told that they’ve got a good laugh and they take every opportunity to use it. Or maybe they truly find humor in most things. We can all get to this point, with practice, where we turn unfortunate incidents into laughter and eventually may look back on them as funny.

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Jay Arthur is a well-known expert in Six Sigma and Lean Six Sigma. Jay helps teams understand their communication styles and restore broken connections. Jay has 30 years experience developing software on everything from mainframes to PCs.

Jay sells QI Macros, books, consulting services related to Six Sigma and Lean Six Sigma. He has a Bachelor’s Degree from the University of Arizona in Engineering, and a Master’s Degree from Rutgers. He is a member of the National Speakers Association, Association for Software Quality and many other organizations.

Jay Arthur’s latest books are; Lean Six Sigma for Hospitals (McGraw-Hill 2011) and Lean Six Sigma Demystified Second Edition (McGraw-Hill 2011)

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Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: great snack for kids, healthy snack, Sweet Potato Fries

Gratitude Journal – Thankful For a Healthy Mind & Emotions

March 4, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Krystal Kuehn -

If we stop to think about it, there are so many things to be grateful for. As I was reflecting on all the good things, people, and blessings I enjoy, I starting compiling a long list. It seemed it would never end. In all actually, it never will end because our blessings are new every morning. In this series, I am going to share different areas of gratitude in my life. I am going to start the first of this Gratitude Journal Series with: I am Thankful for… A Healthy Mind and Emotions.

1. I am thankful to be free from negativity.

A while back I decided that I was going to stay away from as many negative influences as I possibly could. I ended some unhealthy relationships in the process. I realized that being around critical, negative people was not only unpleasant, but it rubbed off on me. Being around more optimistic, hopeful people surrounded me with a positive influence that was energizing and motivating. I can minimize negative influences in my life by making better choices in what I watch and read as well. Good and wholesome, edifying and positive influences help to keep my mind and emotions healthy.

2. I am thankful for peace in my mind and heart.

Fear, worry, anxiety and depression…They all rob me of inner peace. Whenever I get overwhelmed with stress and its negative effects, I immediately take a time out. I know how discouragement can keep us down if we let it. It leads to self-pity and ultimately to defeat and despair. Years of experience have taught me that bad times do not last forever. Things that seem so pressing right now are not as important as I make them to be in the big scheme of things. I remind myself: this too shall pass. I slow myself down. I recall the source of my help and the many times I have overcome in the past. I draw on my inner strengths and trust in God to help me. As busyness and distractions subside, I begin to see things from a more realistic and hopeful perspective. I become free of things that once bound me and shook my confidence, threatened my security, and dimmed my hope. I have new courage to take necessary steps for change. I gain wisdom and learn to accept what is not in my control. Peace returns to my mind and heart.

3. I am thankful that I can learn from my mistakes.

When I make mistakes or say and do things I later regret, I found that I end up with two choices. I can either entertain feelings of guilt, regret, anger, blame, or I can take responsibility, apologize if necessary, and learn from my mistakes and regrets. Beating myself up over something does not really teach me a lesson. It just makes me more upset and frustrated with myself. Realizing this has taught me the importance of forgiving myself and accepting that I am not perfect, no one is. I can extend the same grace to myself as I do to others when they miss it. I do not want to punish them by constantly reminding them of their mistakes. Nor do I want to reject them for their human weaknesses and imperfections. In the same way, I will not punish myself by holding on to guilt, anger, and regret. I believe we can become better if we will learn from our mistakes and regrets, know when to let them go, and come out better as a result.

4. I am thankful that I can appreciate and like who I am.

It is not easy to love others when we do not love ourselves. Once I realized the importance of this simple truth, I decided to stop complaining about the things I did not like about who I am. Instead, I started to change the things I could and accept the things I could not change. As a result, I was more able to appreciate myself and my unique God-given gifts and talents. The more I did this, the more I noticed and received the appreciation and love I got from others. My desire to be my best really began to flourish and bring much joy to me. It was simply accepting and liking myself that enabled me to love and bless others with all that I am.

5. I am thankful that I have control over my thoughts.

I can choose what I want to think about. Negative thoughts cannot stay if I do not allow them to. It seems the more we focus on something that is bothersome to us, the more if affects our mood and overall outlook. For this reason, I do not spend too much time thinking about life’s disappointments and losses. Instead, I think about how to overcome them and I recall past victories. I have control over my thoughts and I can focus on things that build my faith, make me strong and hopeful, and encourage me. Sometimes I need to remind myself that my thought life is in my control. No one can put thoughts in my mind that I have to receive. I can decide what will stay and what will go. Although I may not be able to control how I feel, I can control what I choose to think and dwell upon and what I choose to do.

6. I am thankful that when I forgive, I am free.

There is no prison like that of unforgiveness. It keeps us bound to bitterness, resentment, and unhappiness. It hurts us more than it hurts anyone else. For this reason, forgiving is more a benefit to us than it is to the person(s) who hurt us. I have learned that if my willingness to forgive is contingent on apologies or justice, it may never happen. I have to do it for me. It is not easy. Actually, it can be the most difficult thing we ever do for ourselves. Forgiving is a process. It begins with a decision to release whoever or whatever it is we are holding on to. I do this believing that people reap what they sow. You can’t sow thistles and expect to reap daffodils. When people sow deceit, gossip, greediness, selfishness, and so on, they reap its fruit. When I choose to sow forgiveness, I reap peace and freedom. I am thankful that my mind and emotions can heal when I forgive.

7. I am thankful that I can know and experience love.

I believe God is love and when we receive His amazing love, it works miracles in our lives. I once said: The power of love is amazing and never-ending. It can motivate, energize, inspire, and strengthen. Love can do in a person what nothing else can do. Love has the power to revive and change lives, restore relationships, and bring healing. All else may fail, but love never fails. When you think about it, most of the love we know and experience has to do with relationships. That is why I do a great deal of writing on the topic (see The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships). Love is the foundation of healthy and successful relationships. Love is what we live for. I am thankful for the experience of giving and receiving love.

8. I am thankful that I can live a lifestyle of true and lasting joy

True and lasting happiness is not something we can pursue as much as it is a lifestyle we live. I have learned that our lives are made up of many habits. Some are good and some are bad. It all shapes who we are and contributes to our well-being and happiness. When we make a deliberate effort to be our best, we find we have to change some things. When I came to this conclusion, I began to replace some old and bad habits with new and healthy ones. I practiced seeing the glass half full rather than half empty. I practiced patience to keep myself from acting on impulse. I allowed myself to make mistakes rather than be driven by perfection. I learned to relax and be at peace rather than become worried and anxious. It takes determination, self-discipline, and lots of practice to break old habits and establish new ones. Changing and improving our lifestyle is actually shaping our character and becoming our best. I want to fulfill my potential and I realize that the only way to do so is to live a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. I am thankful that this is possible and I have all the tools I need to be all that I am destined to be. (for more info see The 9 Habits of Happy People)

Far from being exhaustive, the above list is just a start to the many reasons I am thankful for a healthy mind and emotions. In making this list, I am reminded of the very active role I need to take in maintaining good mental health. This list also helped me to identify the many things I can do to keep mentally and emotionally healthy.

Just like the physical body, there are times when we may not be feeling very well. When our bodies are sick, they may need some extra rest, healing, medicine, surgery, or some other attention. When our minds and emotions are going through difficulties, some comfort, support, changes in perception, insight, clarification of distorted thinking, forgiveness, boost in our natural feel good chemicals, counseling, love and unconditional acceptance can really do us some good.

I hope this gratitude journal entry has encouraged and inspired you to be thankful for a healthy mind and emotions. What are you most thankful about in your own mental health? I invite you to join me and share your own ideas and experiences to this list.

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a marriage family counseling and child therapy center and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & inspiration.

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Filed Under: Gratitude/appreciation Tagged With: appreciation, Gratitude/appreciation, self improvemen, thankfulness, things to be grateful for

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