One of the great barriers to becoming the best you can be is feeling anger and resentment toward someone you believe has done you wrong.

It’s particularly hard to forgive someone when the person who caused you pain does not appear to have any regret or remorse for hurting you. You think, “Why should I forgive someone who isn’t sorry?” You might imagine the hurtful event over and over. With each recall, do you find yourself building more bitterness and rage?

Like most people who feel victimized, you probably wonder how they could do this to you and may even imagine taking revenge on them. Some part of you thinks that by feeling bad and imagining terrible things for the person who injured you, somehow you are hurting them in return. You use your anger to stab back at them.

“In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior.”

Sir Francis Bacon

Take a different stand on anger and resentment toward those that try to harm you. Do not give them power over you. Forgive them and feel a strength from offering your forgiveness. Know that you are a better and stronger person because you have within you the capacity to believe that no one can truly harm you, unless you allow it.

“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.”

- Marcus Aurelius -

By harboring anger, hostility, and resentment you are causing more damage to yourself than the actual incident that you allowed yourself to feel bad about in the first place. By staying angry and bitter, you are giving up your power.

“To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.”

- Confucius -

Being wronged is only as bad as you allow it to be. It only harms you as long as you hold the pain of it in your memory. Don’t give others the power to continually do you wrong by allowing yourself to play it over and over in your mind.

You may think that forgiving them will benefit them, and because you feel such anger and hostility, the last thing you want to do is let them off the hook with forgiveness. This is flawed thinking. You must remember that you’re not necessarily forgiving them for their benefit, you’re forgiving them for your benefit.

The sooner you replace your thoughts of any hurtful event with thoughts of forgiveness, the better and stronger you will feel. As you better and stronger, the more quickly you will be able to move toward what you really want to experience.

Before taking the next step toward your prosperous future, identify any anger, hostility, or resentment you feel toward others. Whether or not you think they deserve it, forgive them. Do it for your sake.

The pain may be either too fresh in your mind or have been harbored for so long that it is difficult to feel true forgiveness. But like you use repetition to learn a new skill, or repeated affirmations to formulate a new belief, you may need to practice forgiving by restating your forgiveness over and over for a period of time.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

- Mohandas Gandhi -

As you forgive and remind yourself of the forgiveness you are offering, you will feel a sense of relief and power. Then, you will be in the right state of mind to move forward. You will stop living in the past. You will have shed all of those negative feelings, and in doing so, you will be in a far greater position to pursue and achieve what you want to experience in your life.

Remember that anger and resentment prevent you from doing and being your best. Today is the day to let it all go and begin feeling the strength that comes from a forgiving heart. You have the power to forgive. Do it for you.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jeffrey_Mayhugh
http://EzineArticles.com/?Self-Help:-Forgiving-for-Your-Sake&id=6065115

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It’s no secret that if you want to learn how to freely love fully and generously you have to be willing to learn how to forgive.

Most people know that forgiveness may not always come easily and that it may be difficult to let go of a past hurt or disappointment in either yourself or someone else.

Yet, did you know that as you connect with the unconditional love and acceptance of God that is within you, more and more you will be ready to forgive and more importantly move on with your life.

Believe me when you begin with God, you are actually able to experience the transformational power of love in action.

Any previous discomfort you may have felt is fading away now as you find peace within conflict. Overtime you might even begin to notice how there is growth where previously all there had been was stagnation. And as you absorb all this information you’ll notice how compassion is beginning to replace any sense of anger or guilt that you may have had.

While thinking about this you can become more and more receptive to the fact that God is with you in each and every moment of each and every situation.

Word by word you see that forgiveness fees your heart, mind, and spirit as you begin again to fully express love and acceptance for yourself and others always.

You can enjoy whatever experiences you are feeling right now as you learn how to forgive others and yourself in more empowering ways.

What’s more you will also be glad to know that when you meditate on a daily basis you will actually be cultivating your ability to forgive and let go in so many different ways. And day by day as you meditate more and more you’ll find yourself no longer wasting your energy on your inability to forgive and move on.

I wonder, even as you continue to read this article, if you are letting thoughts such as you are too old or too young to meditate slip into your mind. Maybe, you don’t think you are spiritual enough or have the patience to meditate on a daily basis.

Regardless of what you are thinking now it will be very interesting for you to discover for yourself that the practice of Yoga Nidra is a guided meditation technique that is so advanced it is actually simple.

The practice of Yoga Nidra can be experienced while lying down on your back or in a comfortable seated position and what’s more it is so easy and effective that even children have grown to learn the experience of meditating on a daily basis with the practice of Yoga Nidra.

Thaddeus Ferguson has dedicated himself to the cause of helping people heal themselves first in order to help heal the world during this amazing time of transformation.

The practice of Meditation is just one of the many powerful tools that you can use in order to help Heal You First.

Discover many of the Benefits of Meditation Now!

Learn the most amazingly Powerful Meditation Techniques Now!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Thaddeus_Ferguson
http://EzineArticles.com/?Benefits-of-Forgiveness—Learning-How-to-Love-Fully-and-Generously&id=6442164

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Is hate useful? Is there a good use for hate?

To me, there is. When we hate something or someone, that provokes an array of feelings inside. Those feelings are a sign that something is not good. Big news, huh? I’m not a doctor in medicine but I do know they start an internal chain reaction that end in all sort of illnesses, be them emotional or physical (more often than not). They are a sign of resistance.

We are all scared of changes. We would love our lives to remain predictable so we don’t have to adjust each time to new situation but that’s simply not how life is designed. When we encounter challenges, our body and mind go into alert mode: there is something that doesn’t fit with how we constructed our view of the world.

The healthier and more difficult thing to do would be to work over that challenge, see if it presents an opportunity to better ourselves and if it doesn’t, at least don’t let it stay inside of us.

Instead, what we do most often is to find ourselves ruminating about all the negative aspects it has, all the negative impact it is going to have, how much we’ll deviate from our programmed path and so on. Have you heard that you get what you focus on the most? The more we ruminate about it, the more we focus on it, the more of the negative aspects we get only to start ruminating about it once more and repeat the cycle. Over time, it becomes that visceral feeling we call “hate”. We hate our job, our boss, our workplace, our house etc. We end up getting sick and we add more excuses our our “right” to hate.

What’s the good use then? When we realize we’re inside this cycle, we can stop and think about the cause of our unrest. What is it that we’re resisting? Is there a way to change that resistance into acceptance? Could it be that what we’re resisting can actually make us go forward? Can we capitalize on the situation and make it work for us?

And if we can’t change it and it’s still negative, do we really need to focus and devote so much attention into it? Is there anything else that we could focus on? Usually, when we consciously focus on something more positive, we tend to start shifting our energy. When we do that, our overall life improves. Maybe at first you will have to force yourself to focus on something more positive. When I was really sick last year, I had episodes of acute pain that lasted for hours. At first I would just go something like “I wish the pain would stop, why doesn’t it stop, what can I do/take to make it stop” and dwell upon the fact that I was feeling a lot of pain and that my sickness was because of the stress produced by the people I had to work with who to me where doing all they could to make my life miserable. All that added even more stress to the pain I

felt. It wasn’t until I shifted my focus from pain to whatever else (I would force myself to think of the most trivial things like planning the weekly menu during these episodes) that I started to improve.

So, in a short time after thinking of positive things, we find ourselves focusing less and less into the cause of our hate. One day it no longer has power over us. Then is when we start seeing more possibilities and figure how it can work in our advantage.

When we’re free of hatred, our life is lighter and we’re finally able to see the good things around us that we couldn’t see before.

Claudia Juarez [http://www.motivationemergency.com] BA, Motivation & Career Coach, teaches professionals how to be happier in their lives and jobs from the inside-out through a unique approach to motivation. Discover the 2 THINGS that will recession proof your life at: www.MotivationEmergency.com [http://www.motivationemergency.com]

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Claudia_Juarez
http://EzineArticles.com/?Free-Your-Heart-From-Hatred—The-First-Step-to-Happiness&id=1015347

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Next to love, forgiveness is the most misunderstood concept. Forgiveness has been twisted by a lack of awareness as to how it functions. To forgive does not mean we must rejoin with our ex-lovers, free criminals from prisons, return to old jobs or anything else absurd. We are taught to believe that if we are to forgive the one who hurt us, it must manifest in some form of behavior and it reflects weakness.

Forgiveness is a function of love that seeks to understand the negative impact of another person and then to release the pain and find inner peace. When you choose to forgive somebody this does not mean that you acknowledge their cruel behavior as acceptable, for doing this would be dishonest. Above all, it does not mean that we assume a superior (holier than thou) attitude to pardon the sins others.

Let’s explore the truth of forgiveness. The meaning of the verb forgive, translates into “to let go”, which is the act of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the release (letting go) of negative feelings generated in you by another. It is your responsibility to let go of the hurt that another produces for you. The other person can apologize to you for their negative impact, but you still have to let go of the hurt feelings in order for forgiveness to become a healing experience.

What makes forgiveness so difficult, for so many? The greatest obstacle in the living of our life is the negative ego, which loves to hold onto a grudge and is our greatest source of resistance toward forgiveness. Our negative ego is what blocks our happiness and peace of mind. We hold within us grudges, bitterness and resentment which later manifest into stress, ulcers and poor health conditions. Ultimately, we have a choice to support our EGO or our SOUL, to be RIGHT or find PEACE.

Forgiveness like all other soul qualities (peace, love, innocence, respect, oneness, and passion) does not require a type of behavior. It begins with a relinquishing of emotional baggage and the choice to function from your Soul versus your negative ego. Forgiveness is a willingness to perceive everyone, including yourself, as either feeling and expressing love or perceiving it’s absence, and having a need for more love. It is a relinquishing of a harmful train of thought that leads to constricting feelings. Forgiveness offers freedom to live a full and harmonious life.

The bi-product of forgiveness, is our own willingness and ability to forget. If we can not seem to forget then we have never completely let go. Holding on to pain only weaken us and produces misery. The purpose of forgetting is to prevent the mind from becoming a battle field. Negative feelings evaporate whenever they are looked at calmly and honestly and are dealt with responsibly. Often this process is gradual. The desire to function from your Soul (love) and to live your life in peace is the greatest motivation for forgiving another.

If you feel that forgiving adds one more grudging obligation to your life, you are functioning from your negative ego. Understanding that forgiveness is the doorway to your happiness and is the choice to function with love. When you are attacked by another, you must first deal with the hurt feelings that you honestly feel. Forgiveness is not a short cut to avoid dealing with the negative impact of your emotions. Too many try to forgive without releasing their anger and hurt. That common mistake only represses the anger and it putrefies into resentment down the road.

A great habit to cultivate is to pause whenever you are having difficulty releasing an upset from your mind. Look directly, and in detail at the contents of your thoughts. Dissect your emotions. Step back from them for a moment and gain new perspective. Write them down in a journal to gain deeper clarity. And give yourself time to forgive, it doesn’t have to be instantaneous, but know it is necessary to your happiness and peace.

A person who claims they “love everyone equally” and are never hurt by others are not more spiritually evolved, but more likely emotionally repressed. To be a spiritual, doesn’t mean you have to like the ego of everyone that crosses your path, for you would then become transparent and lose your individuality. Liking somebody and letting go of someone’s negative impact upon you are two completely different issues.

Steps to Forgiveness:

1. Release the Charged Emotions: Take a legal pad and write at the top of the page, the person you wish to forgive. Write out all your feelings about the situation that you are forgiving. Release the anger, hurt, frustration or any feelings you have due to this experience. Take your time and feel your words as you write them down.

2. Forgive Yourself: Close your eyes and relax. Mentally repeat, I forgive myself for allowing myself to be hurt/disappointed by this experience with _________ (person’s name).

3. Express Your Emotions Meditatively: While you are still meditating begin to express your thoughts and feelings to the person you are forgiving. Let them know how much it has hurt you and how upset you are by their actions. If you are so angry you want to hit them, then do it (IMAGINATIVELY) express your pent up emotions within your imagination.

NOTE: Your intention is to release the feelings around this person and to forgive them. That is where the energy will go towards. You will not be sending this person negative energy unless that is your intention.

4. Forgive Them: With your eyes still closed, sense a light coming down from above you. It is a warm healing light that surrounds you and creates a safe environment for forgiveness. Visualize the person you wish to forgive, and see them inside the light. Mentally tell them, I forgive you for hurting/disappointing me in this way. Mentally reaffirm what you are forgiving them for. Then release them into the light.

When you finally understand that you can generate the healing of forgiveness, by choice. It will never happen until you take full responsibility for every facet of your life and your relationships with others. When you stop looking for love, security and peace outside yourself, and discover it within, you are finally set free and the magic of forgiveness has worked it’s spell.

Michaiel Patrick Bovenes is an author, professional speaker and self empowerment teacher. Since 1994, he is the author of a popular series of guided visualization meditations called, “Soul-utions”. Michaiel lives in San Francisco, CA and teaches throughout the USA and Canada.

Sign up for my free weekly, Soul-ution’s Inspirational Quotes and Receive Free Meditation MP3 Download

Click Here:

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michaiel_Bovenes

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Lorna was choked.

Lorna had been wronged and she was seething about it. Every time she thought about it, she got pissy again. She found herself fantasizing and rehearsing plans to get even and holding imaginary conversations where she told the wrong-doer off. She told all her friends about the crime and carried her resentment around ready to be hauled out at a moment’s notice.

You can identify with Lorna. We all can.

Holding a grudge is a complete waste of energy. You can’t afford it.

The problem with holding a grudge is that you form a negative bond with the person who hurt you. You become the hostage. It is victim thinking.

Would you willingly spend your money on junk you don’t like, don’t need and don’t want?

Would you stand in front of that junk for hours, again and again, thinking about and talking about how much you don’t like it?

No, of course you wouldn’t. In essence, that is what you are doing when you hold a grudge. You stand in front of your resentment, look at it from all angles, justify your hurt feelings and keep it in your vibrational bubble. yuck….

There is a famous saying about resentment:

“Resentment is like taking poison and expecting someone else to be sick”

The great universal boomerang.

Every time you stew about your grievance, you are inviting more of it into your experience. In other words, the more you think about it, the stronger the attraction of more to be resentful about… again… yuck…

To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover that the prisoner was you. Anonymous

Progress not perfection.

Forgiveness is a process. Depending on the emotional charge involved, it might take a while to completely be free of the grievance. That’s OK.

The only requirement is an honest willingness to be free of the negative energy. Each step will release more of your energy and take you closer to achieving complete freedom.

Recipes for Forgiveness

Forgiveness affirmations:

Use these or create your own. Get quiet, breathe deeply…Center… balance… relax. Access that place inside that wants to be free of the negative bond.

For You: ( Affirm often)

I am willing to soften my stance and release this grudge.

I am free. I have peace in my heart.

I create the life I choose.

I choose to break free.

My energy belongs to me.

For the other person: (Affirm Often. Visualize the person/situation in your mind)

I forgive you right now for ___________________.

I cut the negative bonds between us.

It is finished.

Your energy belongs to you.

I am walking away, I am free.

Create a ceremony:

Write your grievance on a piece of paper.

Follow that with the forgiveness affirmation.

Crumple your paper, light it and watch the flames take it; turn it to smoke and ashes.

Blow the ashes into the air

Let it go

Set yourself free. You are worth it.

Wishing you Peace & Abundance… Joyce Lee “Your Life Empowerment Coach”

© 2008 joyceleelifecoach.com

Are you ready for more opportunities to explore and reflect? Go to http://joyceleelifecoach.com/prompts.html for your special gift of “20 Profound and Provocative Journal Prompts” designed to help you focus on your life with a spirit of peace.

Joyce Lee is a certified Life Empowerment Coach, Personal Growth Facilitator and Law of Attraction Practitioner, specializes in helping women understand the Law of Attraction and deliberately creating the life they really want.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joyce_Lee http://EzineArticles.com/?Forgiveness—Dont-Get-Your-Knickers-in-a-Knot&id=1343066

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It is said we learn either one of two ways: the easy way or the hard way. The theory is this — the easy way of learning things is via observing others and learning from their mistakes, versus the hard way, which is learning lessons from our own hard mistakes.

Apart from a wonderful time away, my first wedding anniversary will always be memorable for one of the hard lessons learned. Driving back from the south-west, complete with the guidance of a borrowed GPS, I was using the 5 kilometre error in my speedometer to take my speed to the limit. Normally I’m a very careful driver with my speed. As it happened I inched up and over the speed limit — in fact my vehicle was well over the 110 kph limit on a particular stretch of road that’s known for accidents — and one that’s heavily patrolled. The rest is history.

I was only temporarily over the limit but I’d been skating close to the edge for the entire weekend. It is plain to me now that the $150 fine and the two (2) demerit points I got for speeding are actually a huge blessing in disguise as I find God reminding me of the promise I made to obey all the road laws this year and beyond. I get $20 per fortnight pocket money and it will take three months to pay for the fine, but I’m glad because it is a good way of learning a hard lesson.

Some people might think that my thinking’s a little bizarre. But I know that paying for hard lessons with grace and acceptance is the best way of dealing with the pain and embarrassment that inevitably comes. It’s hard initially but easier in the longer run.

If you have a hard lesson to learn, learn it once and for all, as much as you possibly can and:

1. Don’t reject the lesson, skirting your responsibility. If you transgressed it is you that must pay.

2. Don’t get down on yourself — stay positive. If you can accept the lesson there’s no need to berate yourself.

3. Ensure that others, where possible, aren’t also punished for your mistakes — my wife shouldn’t have to ‘fund’ my fine from the family budget — that would punish her when she’s not at fault.

4. Make sure you apologise to people affected and seek their forgiveness also.

It is no real issue if you consider you’ve actually done everything to learn a lesson from a mistaken or erroneous action. The main thing is learning the lesson and then moving on. Don’t worry; if you haven’t in fact learned the lesson properly, you’ll no doubt get another chance — life seems to work out that way!

Copyright © 2008, Steven John Wickham.

Steve Wickham is a safety and health professional (BSc) and a qualified lay Christian minister (GradDipDiv). His passion in vocation is facilitation and coaching; encouraging people to soar to a higher value of their potential. Steve’s key passion is work / life balance and re-creating value for living, and an exploration of the person within us.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steve_Wickham http://EzineArticles.com/?Learning-Lessons—The-Easier-Hard-Way&id=1187452

 

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By Irene Conlan -

Not long ago I listened to a well known person on the radio talking about a very traumatic experience in her past. In response to a question by the interviewer, she announced adamantly, “I don’t believe in forgiveness.” My initial reaction was surprise, followed by, “Well, at least you know your own mind,” followed by, “You poor thing, having to carry all that anger and bitterness around with you.” I dismissed it from my mind but woke up with it this morning. “Ahhh,” I thought.? “Blog food.”

And then I stumbled upon the article below. After being brutally raped by her estranged husband, Cheryl had the courage and insight to tell her story and say:

How does one come back from such trauma and forgive? It isn?t easy, but I heard someone say that being unable to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Not forgiving only hurts you. Usually the perpetrator has long since moved on. You, the victim, are left to become bitter, vengeful, and resentful. If you?re not careful, you?ll find yourself all alone as people slowly away because of your constant inability to maintain healthy relationships.

For me, forgiveness was a conscious decision. It was a choice that I made. Even now, some people don?t understand it. Had I not chosen to forgive my life would be on a downward spiral. Let me make it clear, I didn?t forget what my husband did to me, nor did I deny his responsibility. I simply chose to untie myself from the thoughts and feelings that bound me to the offense. I didn?t minimize what had been done to me. Instead I gave the hurt, shame, disappointment, and humiliation to God. I allowed the Holy Spirit to help me forgive my ex-husband and myself. Forgiving him enriched my life in ways that no one could ever imagine. I had to learn to release all of the guilt, anger, and fear to God before I could move on. (I encourage you to read?her entire article – it’s posted below).

Unforgiveness is the greatest tool I know to keep you living in the miseries of the past rather than in the joy of the present moment.

Unforgiveness is also the greatest tool I know to keep you from moving forward on your spiritual path. I know a number of people who?talk endlessly about their spiritual path?but?are so filled with anger from being hurt in the past that their song is a “somebody done me wrong” song rather than “Praise God from whom all blessings flow.”

Unforgiveness is the best tool I know to pepetuate those negative emotions that can weaken the immune system and pave the way to physical illness. The anger, bitterness, fear (or whatever it is) eats you up and manifests itself as dis-ease.

No one can make you forgive someone who hurt you in the past.?Only you can make the decision to forgive, pick up the pieces and go forward. And perhaps, because of what you learned from your trauma, you can go forward with greater understanding and at a quicker pace.

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As a single mom, daycare was hard to come by. When the kids were out of school, I had no one to watch them because my mother worked for the school district and many times she had to go to work even though the children were out. On this particular morning, I found myself in that situation.

The morning started out like any other, sunny, hot, and very humid. Such is the life in the great state of Texas. This particular day though, would be a defining moment in my life.

The children didn’t have school that day. They were too young to stay home alone and the daycare didn’t take children for one day. Taking off from work was not an option. So, I was faced with the difficult task of finding a sitter.

Against my better judgment, I took my children to their father who was living with his parents at the time. I drove the fifteen or so miles to their home with butterflies in my stomach. I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that I had. (Don’t let anyone tell you that woman’s intuition isn’t real.) I knew something wasn’t right, but I had no choice.

I began to rehearse over and over in my mind what I would do when I got there: drop the kids off at the front door watch them go in, and leave quickly. I didn’t want to give their father the opportunity to get near me. I didn’t want to be placed in a compromising position.

Initially, everything progressed as planned. But, all of the rehearsal in the world could not have prepared me for what was about to happen next. In my wildest dreams, I never could have imagined that the father of my children could be so calculating, so coldhearted, and so cruel.

I arrived at my in-laws home determined to follow my plan to the letter. I dropped the boys off and watched them step inside. I immediately turned the ignition in the switch and started my car.
As I was pulling away, I heard my husband yelling something to me. I stopped, rolled down the window, and asked him what he said.

“Your mother is on the phone,” He yelled.

Cell phones were not readily available at this time so believing him; I put the car in reverse and parked in the driveway. I proceeded to the front door with apprehension, but I also knew that I didn’t want to keep my mother waiting.  Once inside the house, I noticed that all of the curtains were drawn and no lights were on. Even in the morning sunlit hours the house seemed eerily dark. I moved toward the kitchen quickly. I spotted the phone, but what I saw frightened me. The phone was dangling loosely beside the hard and cold countertop. A busy signal chillingly reverberated throughout the room.

I could fell my stomach touch my back. Fear raced over me like a stampede of horses trying desperately to cross the finish line at the Kentucky Derby. My heart was ticking like a time bomb that would go off at any minute. My head was pounding so hard that I thought it would explode. My brain was telling my feet to run, but they didn’t move fast enough. By the time I made it back to the front door it was locked and my worst nightmare was about to come true. It was like a scene from a horror movie. All of a sudden you feel like you’re in a tunnel and the closer you move toward the door, the further away it seems to get. I tried to move his five foot eight frame away from the door, but my five foot three inches was simply no match for him. My attempts were useless. Slowly he inched toward me like a snake about to devour his prey. My mind drew a complete blank as panic set in. I drew a complete blank as I tried furiously to figure out an escape route. As often as I had been in this house, it never dawned on me that there was only one way in and one way out. As I tried to run away, he grabbed me and drew me near to him. I could smell the stench of marijuana on his breath. He forced me into his parents’ bedroom clawing and screaming, but it was as if my screams went on deaf ears.

Thankfully, my children were locked away in another room fast asleep. I scratched, swung, bit; but nothing deterred him from his mission to humiliate me at all costs. He began pulling and tugging at my clothes, slowly ripping away at my soul with each pull. Eventually he arrived at his destination and had access to what he was looking for. I thought to myself, “Here it comes.” Suddenly, I thought of my children. What would happen to them if they woke up?  Although their father had never hurt them before, in this state of mind, there was no telling what he would do. I couldn’t be sure.

I also knew that my children would be frightened and confused about the mayhem that was taking place. I closed my eyes, braced myself, and became silent and still. In my mind, I tried to take myself to another place. I wanted to be as far away from there as possible.

He thrusted and gyrated moaned and groaned until he got tired. All I could think of was when the madness would be over.  Right now, my children were my main concern. They were the only reason that I could withstand what was happening to me right now. Again they were my strength; my courage. I couldn’t bear the thought of them being harmed in any way so, I kept quiet and motionless.

I’m sure that my husband thought he had won. The truth is the depth of a mothers love sometimes goes so deep that even the most tragic of situations can cause her to triumph over adversity for her children’s sake.

After the ordeal was over, I quietly and quickly gathered the children as my husband looked on with a smile of satisfaction on his face. I got back into my vehicle, thankful that at least I had my life. We drove away silently, I was in a daze.

Disheveled, heartbroken, and disillusioned, I called my mother at work and she immediately came home.

A friend of mine, concerned that I had not shown up for work, called me. When I told her what had happened, she too rushed to be by my side. Together we called the police to report the incident.

“Houston Police Department how may I direct your call,” the voice on the other side of the phone said.

“Yes, I want to report an incident,” I said unable to call it what it was.

“What kind of incident ma’am?”

“An assault,” I replied.

“One moment please.”

The next few moments were almost surreal. I began explaining exactly what had happened to me at the hands of my husband.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but there’s nothing we can do. This is classified as a domestic dispute. We can file a complaint, but that’s as far as it will go.”

After bearing my very soul to this woman, all she could offer me was a complaint filed with the department. Why was the system this way? How could they just let someone get away with an act as heinous as this? It’s just not right! It’s not fair! These were the first thoughts that I had after I came out of my fog.

Disappointed and inconsolable, I cleaned myself up, changed clothes, and never spoke of this incident again until now. No one except someone who has been through this before could possibly understand how much this entire ordeal hurts. It can change everything. It can slowly eat up your soul if you let it.
After this, how was I ever to trust another man again? How would I ever be able to have intimate feelings again? How could I trust even my own judgment?

The destructive actions of abuse and its messages threatened to bind me. The guilt and shame that I felt engulfed me like a flame. I struggled not to internalize the destructive messages so that I wouldn’t end up in a place that God didn’t intend for my life. Internalizing the violence caused self blame rather than the ability to see myself in the process of becoming. Everydayyou struggle to hold on to a little piece of your soul so that it doesn’t end up slipping away completely. My children were a large part of that.

It may sound strange now, but I thank God everyday for my ex-husband (he became my ex-husband many years later when I filed my divorce myself) because he taught me many things. Not the kind of lessons that you can learn in a classroom or in Sunday school, but lessons that can only come from experience, wisdom, and maturity. Without him, I may never have learned how resilient I could truly be. I would not know the true meaning of forgiveness.

How does one come back from such trauma and forgive? It isn’t easy, but I heard someone say that being unable to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Not forgiving only hurts you. Usually the perpetrator has long since moved on. You, the victim, are left to become bitter, vengeful, and resentful. If you’re not careful, you’ll find yourself all alone as people slowly away because of your constant inability to maintain healthy relationships.

For me, forgiveness was a conscious decision. It was a choice that I made. Even now, some people don’t understand it. Had not chosen to forgive my life would be on a downward spiral.
Let me make it clear, I didn’t forget what my husband did to me, nor did I deny his responsibility. I simply chose to untie myself from the thoughts and feelings that bound me to the offense. I didn’t minimize what had been done to me. Instead I gave the hurt, shame, disappointment, and humiliation to God. I allowed the Holy Spirit to help me forgive my ex-husband and myself. Forgiving him enriched my life in ways that no one could ever imagine. I had to learn to release all of the guilt, anger, and fear to God before I could move on. Forgiveness however, was not the most important lesson that my “ex” taught me. The most important lesson he taught me, was to know the kind of man that I didn’t want in my life.

Cheryl Lacey-Donovan is an author, educator, and inspirational speaker. Cheryl is also the host of Worth More Than Rubies an internet radio talk show that airs on http://www.redchurchradio.com She has been a mentor for Christian Women Today for one year and is the founder of A Virtuous Woman-31.

Cheryl has been happily married for 14 years to her husband Keith and she has two adult sons and a stepdaughter. She is a member of the Windsor Village United Methodist Church in Houston, Texas.

Cheryl plans to release two more books before years end. Her work can also be found in magazines as well as two upcoming anthologies “The Triumph of My Soul” and “Gumbo for the Soul.”

Mrs. Donovan is available for interviews and conferences by contacting
 [mailto:worthmorethanrubies@avirtuouswoman-31.org]worthmorethanrubies@avirtuouswoman-31.org

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Cheryl_Donovan http://EzineArticles.com/?What-Does-Forgiveness-Cost?&id=1078492

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