The Internet has changed our lives in many ways. One of those “in your face ways” is on-line dating. We hear commercials for sites like eHarmony and Match.com and if you Google “online dating” or “Internet dating sites” you will find pages of listings. There are even sites specifically for different groups such as Seniors. Yes, Seniors want to meet other seniors. Imagine that.
I belong to that group and I have put my name and picture on a couple of those sites. It’s fun, exciting, sometimes rewarding, sometimes disappointing and sometimes just plain scary. It, like many things in life, has its good and its bad sides. You meet some very nice people there and you also meet some not-so-nice people. There are people who are sincerely seeking for a serious, fulfilling relationship and those who are looking to take advantage of one who is emotionally needy. If you’re a senior you know enough about life to know that you find a wide mix of people everywhere you go and it’s no different online. You need to learn to read between the lines, trust your own instincts and proceed with caution. But proceed.
When we are young we seem to have the idea that when people get older their need for romance and love ends. Not true. Just because the face has wrinkles doesn’t mean the fire is out. As we approach the years of fifty and beyond some find themselves divorced after many years of marriage, or alone after the death of their spouse. Now is the time in their life span that they have time to devote to their own interests but are faced with doing it alone or finding a group somewhere to join so they have companionship of some sort. They don’t always hold someone who’s a “match” and there is a need to look elsewhere. But where?
On line dating is a wonderful alternative. You will encounter the naysayers and the skeptics and you should listen to them. You will hear from those who had a successful experience. Listen to them as well. Then make your own decision. Ask yourself the questions:
What do I have to lose?
Do I really want someone else in my life?
Is it better to be alone than to take the risk?
Do I trust my own judgment?
Depending on your answers go for it. Read what Ruth Carter Bourdon says about the risk of loving:
The Risk of Loving
There is a risk involved in everything.
Every time you share a smile,
Every time you shed a tear,
You are opening yourself up to hurt.
Some people tread slowly through life,
Avoiding the closeness risk brings,
Sidestepping the things they can’t understand,
Turning away from those who care too much,
Those who care too long,
Those who hold too tightly.
There is never an easy way to love.
You cannot approach it cautiously.
It will not wait for you to arm yourself.
It does not care if you turn away.
It is everywhere, it is everything.
Love is the greatest of all risks.
It is not reliable, it is not cautious,
It is not sympathetic.
It is unprejudiced and unmerciful.
It strikes the strongest of mind.
And brings them to their knees in one blow.
Even in the best of times, love hurts.
It hurts to need, it hurts to belong,
It hurts to be the other part of someone else,
Without either of your consent,
But, from the moment it overtakes you,
It hurts worse to be alone.
Years of psychological research suggests that we are not living life to the full. This research concludes that we go through the motions of daily life, using the faculties of automaticity (to enable us perform almost everything mindlessly), categorization (so that we can pigeonhole every new experience or person that we meet and, in the process, experience nothing new) and recognition (the mental process whereby we try to make sense of what our senses are telling us by using our own “stored knowledge” the greater part of which is decades out of date). We “live life” on auto pilot – and I don’t call that living at all.
In fact, the normal adult, in using these normal, standard mental capabilities, is slowly sucking the life out of themselves every single day of their so-called lives. This slow and mind-numbingly “not-too-bad” self-destruction started in childhood when we were told to conform, to sit up straight, to stop making noise, to stop doing the things that we enjoyed, to stop letting out minds wander and to steer well clear of any fanciful ideas for our future – we needed to get a good education, get a good job, retire and die! As children, our spontaneity, our joie de vivre, our unbridled imagination ruled our lives. These were the things that created the excitement, made life fun and that made long sunny summer holiday days seem to go on for ever. As children – up to the age of eleven or twelve – we were in what the University of Chicago describes as “flow” – we were what our youngest daughter would call “gurdy”. As young children, our lives were carefree, open to all kind of possibilities, exciting and adventurous.
Contrast that with the normal everyday life of the average normal adult! How many of us can truly say that we leap out of bed bursting with excitement every morning? How many of us can say that we live carefree lives? How many of us are fully open to all life’s wonderful possibilities? You may well say that we have to grow up – but, I’m pretty sure that the record (years of psychological research) shows that people grow older – they rarely grow up. Because if you did bother to grow up, you’d be able to control your state of mind. You could choose to be fun-loving, carefree, spontaneous, turned on and open-minded. You could decide to leap out of bed, bowled over at the prospect of the day ahead. You could choose to be open-minded and alert to all life’s wonderful possibilities.
Unfortunately, though, the progression through adolescence changed the electrical activity in our brains. As our network of neural connections reached “fully adult operational” – our mental processes sped up and our logical processes took over. Or at least that’s what the normal person thinks! However, there’s nothing logical about worry – akin to wishing the worst for yourself! There’s certainly nothing logical about stress – obvious when you consider that stress only exists in the mind of the sufferer – we make ourselves stressed. And, believe you me, there’s nothing logical about closing your eyes to today’s opportunities – but if you’re pigeonholing everything that happens before you even experience what’s going on, you will simply never notice the opportunities that are staring you in the face.
This how we behave as adults – our normal subconscious minds living in and longing for those sunny summer holiday days – our conscious minds distracted by the cares and worries of what might happen – instead of focusing, fully focusing as we did as children, on the here and now. We’re slowly killing ourselves – the normal adult, existing in this half-life of useless thought and worry is as good as dead.
But it can be completely different and the great news is that you’re the one who decides – you do not need anyone’s permission or approval. Your life is entirely in your own hands. It is you who can decide to become like a little child again – not childish, but clear, focused, open-minded, fun loving, up for life’s great adventure. It’s entirely up to you to choose your state of mind – didn’t you know that you choose your own thoughts and that your thoughts become things. It is you who can decide to come to your senses – revisit reality by seeing, feeling, hearing, smelling and tasting. Yes, this is how we experienced the wonder of the moment as children. We didn’t make up our minds on what we were experiencing based on the “stored knowledge” of preconceived notions and so-called logical thought patterns – we jumped in, splashed around – we simply let ourselves go.
You’ve got to let go too – of all the crap that’s in your head. You’ve got to come to your senses – see, feel, hear, smell and taste what’s really happening. Break the chain-reaction of normal adult recognition, experience what’s really going on. Today, right now, when you finish reading this article, stop to “smell the roses” and you will have taken the most important action for today – you’ll have taken a definitive step towards living life to the full, in the here and now, where it’s meant to be lived.
Copyright (c) 2010 Willie Horton
Willie Horton enables his clients live their dream – since he launched his acclaimed Personal Development Seminars in 1996. His clients include major corporations: Pfizer, Deloitte, Nestle, Wyeth, KPMG, G4S & Allergan. An Irishman, he lives in the French Alps and travels the world as a much sought after speaker and mentor. In 2008 he launched Gurdy.Net home to his Online Personal Development Seminars, Change Your Life & No More Stress
Susan talks about the language of power being the language of outcomes and the importance of stating clear business objectives and outcomes to demonstrate the power of your solutions, ideas, goals.
I think that there is, however, a universal language of power that women need to embrace to advance their careers and be successful in any business. We, as women, tend to “skirt” around powerful language.
Case in point, I was at a training class a couple of weeks ago and the presenter, who was exceedingly qualified, stood up to start her presentation with what I think is close to an apology. She said…”well, I justhave some handouts here”. OK. Most people probably didn’t even tune into this, but since this is my area of expertise, I could not help but notice. “Just have some handouts”? Why did she feel the need to apologize for her work? It’s almost as if she thought she was putting us out in some way by giving us handouts.
But we all do this all the time. We apologize more than necessary. We use words that diminish or weaken our statements or points of view.
In her book, Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, Lois Frankel dedicates a chapter, “How You Sound”, to this topic. Lois writes specifically about using minimizing words such as “just”.
Minimizing Words are those that diminish the importance or size of an achievement.
Lois emphasizes the point that if we want to be taken seriously, we need to drop these minimizers.
Here’s my point: You can do your homework and create an impactful message and an action plan on how best to increase your credibility and visibility in your workplace, but if you continue to use language that weakens your position, you won’t get the results you desire.
Be conscious of the words you choose. Listen carefully to other women at work and be mindful if they are guilty of the same self-sabotaging behavior. Tactfully let them know the affect it has on their overall message and professional image.
Once you increase your own sensitivity to this, you will be able to change your behavior, delete the minimizers, and use more powerful language to strengthen your message instead of weaken it.
I was talking with a friend the other day and the conversation turned to how lonely she feels now that her children are gone. The last stay-at-home son just got married and she and her husband have the whole house to themselves. She has a lot of friends – I know that as a fact – and she’s married to a man she says she loves very much. So what’s the problem? She’s lonely.
I’ve been sitting with this for a few days – my term for mulling it over – and I’ll share some of my thoughts with you. Loneliness is not something I often feel so I would love some of your input.
It’s interesting how some people are lonely while surrounded by people – not just people but people who care. They still feel isolated and alone. Others can live alone, knowing few others and yet never feel the pang of loneliness. So it doesn’t actually hinge on the absence or presence of others. It’s an emotion but it can also be an attitude.
I have no numbers on this, but my guess is that most people who are truly lonely aren’t comfortable in their own skin. Their self esteem is most likely in need of a boost. Their self identity may be a little fuzzy as it is with my friend who has identified herself all these years as somebody’s mother and now her identity is grown and gone. She’s not quite sure who she anymore or why she matters. (A petty classic empty-nest syndrome picture). When you don’t know who you are and/or don’t like yourself much it’s hard to reach out to others and it’s also difficult to accept the friendship of others. It’s that “If they really knew me then they’d …” kind of things that keeps them others away.
Loneliness is a subject of interest for the philosophers (e.g., the existentialists), sociologists, psychologists/psychiatrists and musicians in particular. Listen, for example, to the Beetles song “All the Lonely People” below.
Most people have brief interludes of loneliness now and then and most have a solution: call a friend, get a good book, turn on the TV, go to a movie, take a walk, get busy with anything interesting until the feeling passes.
But some are enmeshed in what is termed “chronic loneliness.” This is a serious condition that generally requires professional help. It is a feeling of isolation and rootlessness that is not influenced by the presence of other people. It is a state of mind, often accompanied by serious depression, social isolation, alcoholism, and other serious forms of coping behavior. If you are experiencing this kind of loneliness, run – don’t walk – to find a counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist who can help you find solutions.
If it is a feeling that “bugs” you more than just now and then, there are some things you can do:
Be sure you are healthy. Physical ill health can bring the spirits down as well.
Be mindful of your thinking. Negativity will bring you down in many ways including feeling lonely.
Work on discovering who you really are. Do you have a self-definition? Have you looked at and considered it lately? Is it still relevant?
If you don’t do so already, start eating a balanced diet and get some exercise. (Hmm. Let’s see. You might even find someone to exercise with).
Make a list of things you enjoy. When loneliness hits, do one of them.
Volunteer. Volunteer. Volunteer. This is the best remedy for loneliness I know of. Do something for someone else. This boosts your self esteem, gives you something to do, and makes you feel needed all at the same time. And don’t give me that “I can’t do anything. If you can walk, talk and breathe there is a place for you to volunteer).
Make yourself proactive in meeting other people. Even going to the grocery store and giving someone a big friendly smile can help lift your own feelings of loneliness.
That’s enough to get you a start. And, by the way, put on some happy music (no more Eleanor Rigbys).
Forming relationships has complexities that we rarely stop to think about especially relationships of the romantic kind. We meet someone. We form our first impressions. It may or not be a mutual attraction. Whether it is or is not, the next step is to get better acquainted and we do that with with all our senses – seeing what we like is generally the first block of input. We hear and make judgments based on the voice – tone, quality, volume – is it pleasant or unpleasant? We touch, and yes, we even taste when those delicious kisses come into play. We notice their scent and again decide if it’s pleasing or displeasing. This overall impression can happen in a very short period of time and we get inner signals about whether we want to go forward.
Often, in a romantic relationship, passion prevails and, we think we know a person well, when actually we know very little. We see them at their best behavior and we put our best foot forward so they only see us at our best. It is said that “Love is blind” – we don’t see the faults, we overlook the little irritations, we dismiss any nagging thought that says “proceed with caution.” And some day when reality sets in, the snoring or teeth grinding, or nit picking becomes overwhelming and we want out.
The need to love and be loved is so powerful that sometimes our ability to see clearly is so clouded by need that we don’t gather all the facts and do a thorough job of assessment of the person that is the object of the attraction. We cling to each other because of a physical attraction and a stunning personality. But what else needs to come into play?
We are physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, communicating beings and we need to establish some norm of compatibility in all these areas if a relationship is to work. There are some questions you can ask, and if you answer them honestly within yourself, you will have the information you need about going forward or calling it off. Below are some questions that will get you started. These will lead you to more that need to be asked and answered:
Do you have meaningful dialog about the major issues in your relationship?
Do you both listen or does one of you dominate the conversation?
Can you discuss sensitive, personal issues and feel safe and comfortable?
Do you feel that you are heard and understood or does what you say fall on deaf ears?
How much time do you spend in conversation? (Sitting in front of the TV together does not constitute dialog).
Do you “hold back” asking questions because you fear the reaction?
Do you have to tip-toe around a bad mood so you don’t set off a major emotional storm?
Do you feel safe expressing your deepest feelings?
Do you listen while he/she expresses his/her deepest feelings?
Do you feel like you’re on an emotional roller-coaster in this relationship?
Does this relationship bring you joy or confusion?
How does a relationship with this person make you feel about yourself?
Intellectually, are you on the same level?
Does your educational background add to or detract from this relationship?
What topics can you discuss that stimulate your minds and bring forth creative, new ideas?
Can you discuss issues that you disagree on, expressing differing views and posing differing solutions, without antagonism?
Do you have to agree with him/her to keep the peace?
Do you feel that your thinking is becoming stagnant in this relationship?
Is there mutual respect for your spiritual beliefs?
Are you expected to change your beliefs for this relationship to continue?
Are you able to share what you believe and feel comfortable?
Do you feel comfortable practicing your beliefs in the presence of your partner?
Do you share a mutual appreciation of each other’s physicality or do you try to remake each other?
Do you feel comfortable expressing how you feel and what you need?
Are your both comfortable with demonstrations of affection or is one of you demonstrative and the other reticent?
Are you sexually compatible?
Other questions that need to be asked:
Can you be true to yourself in this relationship?
Do you enhance each other’s personal growth?
Does he/she have habits that are deal breakers down the road?
How would you feel introducing him or her to your family?
Is this someone you want to grow old with?
This is in no way an exhaustive list – it is simply a start at discovering in each other what you need to know.
We come to our relationships with past hurts, triumphs, challenges, failures – a long background of complex emotions, beliefs, desires, needs and preferences. Even we don’t understand some of these operating within ourselves and we can’t expect someone else to deal with things we can’t understand and express. Once you establish that you are compatible physically, spiritually, emotionally and intellectually and you can communicate openly and freely you have a great foundation. Then it is a matter of patience, acceptance, forgiveness, and perseverance coupled with deep love and respect to keep the relationship intact.
Maybe Tina Turner was right when she sang the question, “What’s love got to do with it?”
“There is no remedy for love but to love more.”
~Henry David Thoreau
In this Blast Off Ezine, I will lay out the process of manifesting the relationship of your dreams whether you are in search of your soulmate or want to dramatically improve the relationship you are already in. I walked these step to draw in my soulmate, and not only did we meet two months after I began using these principles, we married one year later.
I have worked these steps and ideals successfully with many clients since then. To this day I have men and women that come in to my office each week telling me their wonderful soulmate stories after using this powerful process to invite in true love.
To begin with, we hear the term soulmate, but what does that mean exactly?
The literal translation would be a companion of one’s soul. Our soul is the deeper essence or core of who we are. So a soulmate is one that connects with us or loves us at the heart and spirit of our existence.
Some people believe that we have only one soul mate in a lifetime, while others feel that we can have several over a long period of time. Personally, I believe some people come to us to impact our lives with lessons or a new awareness, or to bring love for a brief span of time. Other relationships will endure for a lifetime. We may have many possibilities to create a deep and fulfilling relationship with a partner but miss out because we dwelling on our past grief and resentment, or as the saying goes, we are just too blind to see.
To find this soul-matched partner or deepen the relationship you are already in, the change must first come within you.
Whether you have had many good, but not great relationships, or found partners that have not treated you well, been emotionally unavailable or simply too dull, the common denominator in all of these scenarios, I must report, is you. I do not mean to sound harsh, but this is a somber reality that I had to face in my own life. This does not mean that if you had changed in some way that these relationships would have worked. Rather, you may have had the awareness early on that they were not your right match and had chosen instead to pass. (Round peg, square hole concept.) On a positive note, there is no wasted experience because we do grow with each challenge. It is when we keep choosing those same pain and heartache that we may not be growing enough to make a difference. I am here to share ways to alleviate the pain and heartache and make a straight pathway to love and companionship.
When you finally become really clear about who you are, and what you want and need in a partner and in a relationship, and you are not willing to settle for less, you will begin to draw in ‘like souls’ that will complement and spice up your life, rather than bring you down or hold you back.
Leave the Past in the Past
One of the biggest roadblocks in creating a soul-matched relationship is that we tend to bring our pain and baggage from past relationships into our present ones, and even into our search for the right one. If you have been hurt in the past, it is understandable that you may have developed issues with trust and confidence in your subsequent partners. The fact is that no partner is the same. Even though you may be holding onto past traumas or disappointments, this does not mean that every partner to follow will behave in this same way. There is a tendency to project, or put onto other people, the fear, grief or resentment of our past. When in reality, this person does not represent those things at all. However, because you may believe this to be true because of your history, your fear and behavior around this issue may bring the worst out of someone you love.
The result is what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy, in that we end up bringing upon ourselves what we fear most. For instance, if you have fear of abandonment and you hang onto someone too tightly because you are afraid they will leave, they may end up leaving because they feel smothered by you. Another example would be that because you are afraid your love will leave you, you may subconsciously choose people that have commitment issues, just to prove to yourself that, yes, they will abandon you. Sounds crazy, right? Well it happens all the time.
When we start a relationship with clean slate, it will have a much higher chance of flourishing with much less grief and discord.
Blast Off Practice #1 Write Off The Past
Please write out the emotions and traumas that you have experienced in past relationships that you do not want to bring into your new or current relationship.
You can list these on your Blastation in one of your Sun-Up Script pages.
By looking at these issues in writing, it helps to separate them from yourself, and then it is easier to become an observer rather than wearing this trauma on your sleeves.
When we can see our partner with 20/20 vision rather than looking through clouded lenses from the past, we will feel much freer to be the best partner possible. The result, we also draw in and receive the same positive, loving energy in return.
Blast Off Practice #2 Open Your Heart To Love
Now click on the Relationship page on your Blastation to do the Open Heart Meditation. In this exercise, you will focus, visualize and feel your heart open to receive love, and at the same time let go of the past hurts and disappointments.
Visualize and feel all the feelings and hurts on your list in Blast Off Practice #1 dissolving into thin air. Repeat this daily and experience the powerful sense of relief in letting go and the welling up of love that begins to enter your world.
It is not that you won’t remember any of these grieves, you are just choosing not going to give them continual power over you and your present and future opportunities for great love.
Now that you have been releasing the past and anything that can get in the way of creating a new and deeper relationship, it is time to get really clear on what you actually do want in your relationships.
Blast Off Practice #3 Soulmate Shopping List
In your ultimate relationship, how do you envision it to be? What would it be like to share a life with this person? What kinds of activities or interests would you want to share together? How would you treat one another? What would the experience be like, look like, and feel like with your dream partner?
Go to the Relationship page on your Blastation and scroll down to click on “Create Your Soulmate Shopping List.”
Make a list of all the things you want in a partner and a relationship. Ask yourself, “What are the important values that you live your life by. What are the activities you love to have in your life?” Wouldn’t it be nice to attract a partner that shares these same ideals and interests? This doesn’t mean you need to find someone exactly like you, but sharing some commonality in what brings joy into one another’s lives does make the journey less tumultuous and more gratifying.
Write what you do want, rather than what you do not want in a partner and relationship. Be as detailed and as honest with yourself as possible. What was missing in past relationships that you truly desire? When you are complete, print this page out so you can review it fory our next practice.
Blast Off Practice #4 Your Soulmate Statement
Go to the Big Picture Vision page on your Blastation and create your Soulmate Statement which is your Big Picture Vision regarding your relationship. Create a title that sums up your dream relationship, such as: The Love of My Life or, My Fun and Funny Partner, etc…
Now write the story of your relationship as you truly desire it to be. Write it as if you are in the present moment, as if it is happening now.
This will make your vision as real as possible. In this way, your intention is clear and powerful. Once you have written it, it becomes real, not a mere fantasy in your head.
Don’t forget to write out how you are feeling during the relationship experience and what is most important to you in this relationship. Write all the things you two are doing and sharing to your heart’s content.
Now upload photos that would represent this dream relationship. They can be pictures that represent activities you want to share or places you would love to visit with your soulmate. If you are already in your relationship, upload your favorite photos of you and your partner.
Now that you have created this story, bring this partner and relationship into your space.
If you are already with your partner, and you want to create a deeper bond, the same steps apply. Read your Soulmate Statement every morning and night. (If they are next to you, you may want to do this when you have more privacy.) Visualize this story as if it is real and happening right now. Feel your partner with you at times during the day as if he/she is sharing your life with you in the way it matters most.
If you are with your ideal partner already and may be having some difficult issues you are trying to work through, this process is effective because you are focusing on what you do want, rather than what is wrong. By seeing and feeling what you do want, you are bringing that positive energy in and around you. This positive frequency will attract more of the same from your partner.
Blast Off Practice #5 Set The Date
Okay. You know what you want, so lets make it real! Make a real commitment to yourself and your partner by setting a date for this new love to appear. If you are in search of your soulmate, once you have created this vision, choose a date for our dream partner to appear. Give yourself enough time so that you can work on creating this intention on a regular basis. I began doing this in June of 2005 and I met my husband in August of 2005.
Time to set the date:
Once you choose a date, tell someone close to you that is supportive and open minded the deadline date your soulmate will be arriving by. E-mail them or write it down so that your intent and commitment is strong and clear. If you are already in your relationship, write your partner a letter of your commitment and what positive intention you are committing to bring into the relationship from here on out. You can give this letter to your partner, or put it away until a later time. Your intention in writing, followed by action will bring uplifting movement and change. Rather than writing what you want or expect from them, write what you taking responsibility for and what you plan to change or improve on your end. Your partner is much more likely to respond in a similar manner if they feel free to act from a place of choice, rather than guilt or demand.
This process is spelled out in much greater detail in my book, Blast Off, The Surefire Success Plan to Launch Your Dreams into Reality.
Blast Off Practice #6 Launch Your Love into Action
You are letting go of the past, you have gained clarity about what you want in a partner and relationship, you are visualizing this dream partner right into your life and have set the date. Now it is time to take action.
Action Step #1: Believe this to be true. You may be saying it on the outside, but your energy field is saying, “Yeah right.” Do what you can to shift inner thoughts so that they are in sync with your outer behavior.
(Mental Mania exercise on the Spiritual Page is a good exercise to help with any negative thoughts.)
Action Step #2: Put yourself out there. Hiding out at home will limit your options unless you end up hooking up with the UPS man or woman.
Find out what activities are going on around town. Look online or in your local paper. There are many great places to meet new people. And if you don’t meet your partner, you may make some great connections for work or new friends to hang out with. Here are some places to frequent to raise up your soulmate meeting ratio :
Take a class in something you are interested in. (art, karate, golf, poetry reading, tango dancing…
Join a running or biking club.
Go to a business or hobby networking group.
Ask for help from someone you find intriguing while you are shopping or out and about.
Get on a dating site. (I met my husband on Match.com and he lived 2 blocks from me. We may have never met)
Tell your friends and co-workers you are on a mission to find your soulmate. This will help them to keep an eye out for Mr. or Ms. Possibility.
Look at people in the eye, smile and say hello to everyone you pass by in your day. Not only is this uplifting for you and the other person, you are opening yourself up to some wonderful connections.
And finally, remember, you deserve love and you deserve to be happy. Do not settle for the wrong match because you feel no one better will come along.
“You don’t marry someone you can live with — You marry the person you cannot live without.”
Note: If you have not experienced Blastation and would like to do the exercises in this article, click the Blastation icon in the right column and get a free one month trial.
Mother’s day is one of those Hallmark kind of days and a day that probably creates more emotions – from guilt to joy – than any other day we celebrate. It is a day to call Mom whether you want to or not. Some of you dread the call and the questions and, perhaps, the little lecture you know you’ll receive. Some of us wish for a chance to talk just one more time to Mother, or Mom or Mama or Mommie and hear her questions and her lectures and her laugh and her “I love you.”
Moms, ease up a little today. Don’t insist that they sit up straight and let a few things you usually correct slide by. Let’s lighten up today and just enjoy each other. Time passes so quickly and things change without a moment’s notice. Enjoy each other while you can.
When I think of lightening up I think of that wonderful writer, newspaper columnist and special human being – Erma Bombeck. She had such a delicious way of saying what all of us were thinking and she did it with such a delightful sense of humor. Here’s what she had to say about mothers in one of her newspaper columns.
When God Created Mothers
By Erma Bombeck
When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into his sixth day of “overtime” when an angel appeared and said, “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.”
And the Lord said, “Have you read the specs on this order?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic;
Have 180 movable parts… all replaceable;
Run on black coffee and leftovers;
Have a lap that disappears when she stands up;
A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair;
And six pairs of hands.”
The angel shook her head slowly and said, “Six pairs of hands… no way.”
“It’s not the hands that are causing me problems,” said the Lord. “It’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.”
“That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel.
The Lord nodded. “One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, ’What are you kids doing in there?’ when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say, ’I understand and I love you’ without so much as uttering a word.”
“Lord,” said the angel, touching His sleeve gently, “Go to bed. Tomorrow…”
“I can’t,” said the Lord, “I’m so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick… can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger… and can get a nine-year-old to stand under a shower.”
The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. “It’s too soft,” she sighed.
“But she’s tough!” said the Lord excitedly. “You cannot imagine what this mother can do or endure.”
“Can it think?”
“Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise,” said the Creator.
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. “There’s a leak,” she pronounced. “I told You You were trying to push too much into this model.”
“It’s not a leak,” said the Lord. “It’s a tear.”
“What’s it for?”
“It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride.”
“You are a genius,” said the angel.
The Lord looked somber. “I didn’t put it there,” He said.
Today, give your mother some extra love, some extra kindness, some extra help and think about making mother’s day a daily event.
There are lots of tried and trues when it comes to “what it takes” to get you and your partner in the mood. Whether you knew it or not many of these old school moves that might seem quite hack are actually grounded in quantifiably, exhilarating, sensory stimulating fact.
Lets start with a delicious and delicate lobster dinner. At first blush this seems like a wallet gloating boast. The fact that your man can pick up the tab for the pricey feast is impressive, but truth be told lobster is a great source of phosphorus, the kama sutra of minerals. Phosphorus helps keep vaginal tissues lubricated. For pre-menopausal and menopausal women this is a godsend. It seems that right around the time we are getting a grip on our sexuality, estrogen levels begin to drop. This leads to vaginal tissue dryness and less elasticity, which turns love making from heaven on earth to hell in your bedroom. So, not okay!! A healthy dose of phosphorus will not only increase your comfort level but also, predictably, will amp up your desire quotient. We like this. For a little extra somethin somethin add some carrots to your plate. They bring a burst of color to the meal and the added hint of beta-carotene raises blood levels of progesterone, giving an added boost pointed north on the desire meter. Very nice-everyone’s a winner.
Next on the agenda, take your relationship back to the beginning. Oddly enough, this is the best way to keep things fresh. If the first date was in a coffee house, you gotta make sure to include regular java jolts into your mental foreplay. Whatever scent dominated that first date and made the two of you feel frisky will do the trick again and again. Maybe that’s why first dates always start at a Starbucks? Or is that just the quick getaway strategy? Sorry I digress. Reintroducing the overpowering smell from the first arousal of the past to a similar situation in the present will create the same sexual charge. That’s because the part of the brain that handles scent also manages our emotions. Amazing, right?
Another lusty lovemaking sure bet is the traditional lighting of aromatic candles. Did you know that if you pick the right smell your sexual sensitivity would soar? The top choice, nope not lavender, that’s good for sleeping, the best calming scent is green apple. I know, go figure. Its clean fresh is very relaxing. According to Alan Hirsch, M.D., director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago the one odor to stay away from is cherry. It tends to inhibit sexual arousal. Hah! Warrant got it wrong.
Chocolate on Valentines. Seems so ho-hum and predictable. The truth is it is a very sexy gift. Chocolate contains a positively stimulating amino acid called L-arginine. L-arginine is the precursor of nitric oxide, which aids in the relaxation of blood vessels. The effect is better blood circulation in the body, especially in the extremities. Warm and toasty all over, especially in your feet and toes, has been shown to increase the likelihood of an orgasm by 30%. Better extremity blood flow is obviously great for your guy and that is good for you too.
How about a traditional moonlit skinny dip? Seductive yes. YES. Women are far more sexually responsive twenty minutes after vigorous exercise. Research indicates that exercise may increase sexual drive, sexual activity and –TADA- sexual satisfaction. Furthermore, a Harvard University study found that swimmers between the ages of 40 and 60 showed a positive relationship between regular physical activity and the frequency and enjoyment of their sexual encounters. Need I say more!
Melanie Brocklehurst, the guest on last week's Self Improvement Show, brought to our attention the plight of little girls in Nepal and Tibet. (If you didn't hear the show, it's worth listening to - click the video above and hear what Melanie has to say.)It is an opportunity for you to help someone … [Read More...]
Frontline Learning is making over 40 online learning courses available to 5000 unemployed individuals. Any currently unemployed person is eligible to receive these programs simply be registering online (see link below).
There is no hook or catch or "fine print" here - these are full featured … [Read More...]
By Irene Conlan -
For some it was a stretch to accept the idea of the wholeness of the individual—that we work as a unit with body, mind, emotions, and spirit working together and what affected one part affected the whole. If my emotions, for example, are seething with anger something will … [Read More...]
By Irene Conlan -
Thoroughly researched and carefully crafted this is a program that is designed for success in a field that sees far too much failure. How many people struggling with addiction to drugs and alcohol check themselves into rehab over and over and never seem to be free of the need to … [Read More...]
This morning when I started working on this blog, I opened the Dashboard, as usual, to deal with the comments. Often I get great comments about the articles I've posted. Occasionally, I get comments by someone who thought the article was wrong, needed changing, or just didn't measure up. I welcome … [Read More...]
By Irene Conlan-
Have you seen the ads for electronic cigarettes? It's an interesting twist on the ordeal of quitting the smoking habit.
My son decided he wanted to quit and after researching a number of companies settled on a productg by LeCig.
His package arrived Friday and today he … [Read More...]
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