“When times are challenging you learn about who you are” – Stephen Green, HSBC
It is important as leaders to be able to lead ourselves. In fact it is important for all of us to be able to lead ourselves. Timothy Gallwey in ‘The Inner Game of Work’ talks about us all being the CEO of our own company, namely our own lives, and its true – if we lead nothing and nobody else, we lead ourselves. How well are we doing it?
The bible also suggests that a man ought to examine himself because if we judge ourselves, we will not come under judgment – it talks in a spiritual sense but is this not true of the natural world as well. If we look at ourselves with an objective and critical eye (or as unprejudiced as we will ever be) we can make changes and improvements before someone else points out our faults to us – potentially an infinitely more painful process.
Self-awareness though is not something that will come easily. Many of us will be overly critical seeing all of our faults. Others of us will be verging on cocky, aware of our strengths and unconcerned or blinded to our flaws. How can we be realistic and tend towards the objective?
It seems there are three keys to becoming more aware of who we are.
It’s not easy or quick but absolutely necessary. If we try to look at ourselves in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, all we will see is a busy person struggling to give enough time to the task.
Instead we need to step back from life, somehow detach ourselves from the merry-go-round we live and work on and find a place of silence. That might be out on a hillside or it could be in your own front room. The location is irrelevant so long as there is an air of remoteness from the pressures of life; a remoteness that is not in danger of being punctured by incoming phone messages or people clamouring for your attention. So switch off your Blackberry, walk away from your laptop, leave people behind.
Make enough time for really getting quiet as well. We can’t do it simply be sitting down for a quiet half hour. There will be too many errant thoughts still spilling in slyly from your previous concentrations. If you have less than half a day, it will be hard to enter a space of peace and start to think unadulterated thoughts.
Maybe you are the type of person who can focus on things simply by sitting still and thinking through them. Alternatively you might want to be active, doing something that focuses your thoughts. However the thoughts come to mind though, write them down. They might be instantly obvious or you may need to mull them over in the next days or weeks – what do they mean?
There are many tools on the market ranging from the free to vastly over-priced; from three insightful questions to books of material to wade through. Some of them however will be useful.
How you decide what to use can be narrowed down initially by what you want to find out about yourself. For example if you want a clearer idea of your personality strengths you could use persolog’s Personality Profile, a Myers Briggs Type Indicator or any of the huge range of other offerings available on the market. When you want to know what your style of creativity is, you could try a Kirton Adaption-Innovation Inventory. To see where your motivating abilities lie, try an xpand Skills Workbook. But these are only the tip of the iceberg to serve as examples. There are hundreds of thousands of know-yourself type products on the market so which do you use?
What have your friends and people you trust used. What can other people recommend? What can you afford or how much do you want to budget? Find someone with some ideas and start from there.
What do other people say about you? We tend to notice the nice things that people say, but often they are not particularly insightful. The other statements that make their mark on our conscious are the criticisms, but how many of these are valid and again, insightful? It is, however, worth delving deeper into both of these sets, because there are probably nuggets of truth in there before they have been filtered by the other persons situation and feelings.
As well as that though, you need to find an objective source of feedback. The people that you trust, whom you referred to in order to find self-assessment tools, are hopefully also people you trust to talk straight to you about your strengths and weaknesses. If they are not, search your list of close contacts and find that kind of person. It needs to be someone who knows you well, that you trust to speak the truth, and whom you respect so that you don’t discount what they say. Likewise, they need to respect you, otherwise they won’t bother themselves and may give insufficiently thoughtful answers. Also be aware of any power imbalance in the relationship before you start. Are you willing for a boss or subordinate to point out your failings? Will a subordinate tend to give you an overly positive assessment and not be critical enough?
Once you have found such a suitable person (or people – different viewpoints will give you a better overall picture), don’t simply ask them bland ‘what are my strengths?’ type questions. Instead, how about getting them to complete the same self-assessment tools that you have already completed and then compare the answers – where are the discrepancies and why have they appeared. Alternatively, simply sit down with the answers you generated yourself and ask your reviewer(s) if they agree with your findings. If your reviewers/critics/mentors have something to agree or disagree with then it makes their job easier so they are more likely to spend time with you on it and you will get better feedback.
Don’t forget to thank them in some way for their time and effort – they are then more likely to help you next time you come to complete a self-reviewing exercise.
Nick is an Outdoor Life Coach and Trainer. Within his company, Square Pegs Coaching, he uses outdoor experiences to help people develop themselves. To understand better what this means in practice and to take greater advantage of his expertise, go to http://www.squarepegscoaching.com
It isn’t always easy to accept who or what we are. We all like to think of ourselves as true to ourselves and acceptable to others. We do not like to think of our flaws and weaknesses, although these rear their ugly head in times of stress.
The truth, of course, is that people are not perfect. We all have our flaws and have to learn to live with them. We make mistakes in life, which is all part of the learning process. We sometimes say things that hurt people, be it unintentionally.
The first step to self acceptance is to accept who you are. Be proud of who you are. It is imperative that you value the standards you hold, which are developed over time. Let no one convince you otherwise that you are not a good person.
Believe in yourself! It is important that you take on board any criticism, in whatever way, and learn from your mistakes. You can then strengthen your personality and be wise to how you affect the people you meet in life.
We are all unique individuals; we all have our own strengths and weaknesses, our own special skills and personalities. Our individuality is what makes us. We all try to be the best we can be, especially if we are encouraged by others.
Much of what makes people endearing are their little foibles and idiosyncrasies, which mark them out as special. By having the confidence to express your own personality in all types of situations, however difficult, people warm to you and you win their affection and friendship.
You are unique. No one is the same as you. We are all individuals. We are special and flawed in equal measure.
Self-acceptance can lead to healthy, emotional responses to difficult circumstances. You will be much more comfortable in your own skin and make appropriate decisions in life. By being open to your flaws as well as your strengths, even an element of self-criticism can result in improved development and self-awareness. Be positive! Don’t be over-critical of your actions; we all make mistakes in life. Learn from these mistakes and move on to build a stronger you. Try new things and take risks to broaden your personality.
Most of the people I know, who are happy in their own skin, have encountered a few hurdles in their life time and overcome them. Everything that happens in our life time is what gives us character. It is essential to your character that you can assess all your successes and also your failings in life. Only then can you develop into a sturdy, resilient individual.
We all know that the more you practice something, the more natural it becomes. This also applies to being self-accepting. The more you laugh at the silly things you do and the way you handle various situations, the more you are prepared to deal with things.
Do you fear failure or fear being laughed at? Life is for living and we all act daft at times. Don’t be over-critical! Accept yourself for who you are – Unique! And Be Positive in all that you do!
That way you can begin achieving success in your own particular way.
The way people see and define themselves depends on the personal-social identity continuum at a specific time in their lives (Baron, Byrne, & Branscombe, 2005). For instance, they may see themselves differently after a big victory, at a certain age, after a win, after losing a loved one, or after receiving a big bonus. People think of themselves in terms of differences between themselves and others, which is in terms of intragroup comparison. People could also think of themselves as similar to other group members, or based on intergroup comparison. People who have a lowly complex self have a higher overlap in different parts of the self and vice versa.
Self-definition depends on a specific time and on a specific setting or environment. Self-identity can also depend on how others expect one to be and how one thinks others will treat him or her. Individuals can pick definitions that reflect either poorly or positively on themselves. Different selves (such as the immediate pleasure self versus the more responsible self) can encourage individuals to attain different, and sometimes opposite, goals. A person with body piercing and/or tattoos is often claiming that he or she is not part of the “mainstream”. Mentally retarded people may have only subjective self- awareness, and not objective, but not recognizing themselves in a mirror. Most people have symbolic self-awareness and can describe themselves. Symbolic self-awareness is correlated to the awareness that humans are mortal or to existential terror. Terror management theory suggests ways in which people cope with death, such as religions, faith and spirituality.
Self-esteem is made of the attitudes towards the self. It is easy to assess how people feel about themselves. It is as easy as asking them questions about what they think of themselves and as watching their behaviors in action. Most people follow the above average effect or self serving biases in which they see themselves more positively than they see others. Self-efficacy means believing a goal can be achieved with one’s own actions. Group self-efficacy is also called collective self-efficacy. According to the self-evaluation maintenance model, in order to protect self-esteem, people tend to be around others who perform worse. Some women hang out with some perceived less beautiful women, in order to feel better about themselves. This behavior shows a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. According to the social identity theory, people spend time with similar people and with people who perform well, in order to preserve a positive social identity. People with high self esteem and people who strive to become better and better like to be around like minded people and around people who are doing better than them, so they can learn from their knowledge, example, inspiration and mentorship.
People do not like a victim, a complainer, or a person who does not take responsibility for his or her own failures and blame the world, even if others think the failures were really out of his or her control. Those victim thinking people are perceived as negative. High self-esteem is correlated with interpersonal aggression, to defend one’s own superior self-view. Women, on average, have lower self-esteem than men. This may be due to the media and the pressure on women to look perfect. This average is for sure due to the fact that the labor force is for the majority male based and due to the fact that the work environment sometimes practices gender based devaluation towards women. Due to the self-reference effect, people choose and prefer objects that remind them of themselves, such as clothes, homes, and cars.
Social comparison allows people to know themselves. Upward social comparison can cause pain and downward can be reassuring. The opposite occurs when people compare themselves with the group. An in-group member’s performance reflects on the overall group’s view. People tend to derogate disloyal in-group members to protect the group. Some people, in order to be liked, use ingratiation, which could also depend on the culture. Some cultures such as Asian culture or European cultures may find ingratiation as the norm, whereas American culture may interpret ingratiation as bribing or corruption. Self-monitoring allows the adaptation to different situational norms.
Prejudice against devalued group members can protect self-esteem, in an unhealthy way. A person who is discriminated against can become ill, causing anxiety, fear, distractions and the depletion of cognition. Stereotypes threat effects have occurred in devalued groups, throughout history. The performance of dominant groups can decrease as well, for the fear of a negative comparison with the devalued and stereotyped group. To cope with stereotypes, people distance themselves from the performance domain, such as statistics, or, much more emotionally costly, from their whole group, such as American women. Most self-help gurus recommend introspection to for self-knowledge, but that recommendation can be misleading. Comparison to society can also be necessary, depending on the culture and on the context. People usually do not live under a cave by themselves but live in a social setting.
To maximize the well-being, it is recommended to find a role model, whose achievements are attainable, so the upward comparison is inspiring. For instance, aspiring to be Oprah from being a low income individual, may be unattainable at first, but aspiring to be well off like a governor, is a more attainable goal. Another recommendation is to like those people one wants to become, such as singers. One likes the people who like and value him or her. It is best to avoid prejudice and discrimination. It is also best to avoid blaming others, especially public figures, in order not to have social repercussions. To avoid stereotypes threat, if forming groups, it is advisable to create equally diverse groups. Last, it is encouraged to practice thinking positively about oneself, which is likely to increase self-esteem.
Sociologist Morris Rosenberg created the most valid and reliable self-esteem assessment scale or questionnaire, at least in the United States. If the answers demonstrate solid self-regard (as in the accurate case of Elena Pezzini), sociology predicts that the test taker is well adjusted, clean and sober, lucid, lawful citizen and with some education with honors. If the answers reveal some inner shame, then the survey taker is, or has been, a teenage parent, who is prone to social deviance and if he or she does not have a substance addiction, it is thanks to the strict laws.
Institutions and people need to understand that high self-esteem is vital to well-being and its opposite causes crime, substance abuse, prostitution, murder, rape and terrorism. In 1990, David Long found that hijackers and suicide bombers suffer from feelings of worthlessness and that their criminal and aggressive acts are nothing but a desperate trial to bring some “inner flair to a flat mindscape” (Slater, 2002). High self esteem individuals: are on the whole satisfied with themselves, think they are good, feel that they have a number of good qualities, can do things as well as most other people, are proud, feel useful, feel worthy, at least the equal of others, have self-respect, feel successful and take a positive attitude toward themselves.
Baron, R. A., Byrne, D. R., & Branscombe, N. R. (2005) Social Psychology. Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.
Slater, L. (2002) The Trouble With Self-Esteem. New York Times
Just how much self-awareness do you actually have? Everyone these days has something that they want to change about themselves or in their life in general, but very few of these people stop to think about how changing these things will change them as a whole. Something’s may need to be changed if they have a negative impact on you, and the people around you, but just what do you actually know about yourself?
In this article we’re going to put forward ten questions that should help to improve your self-awareness, assuming you answer them honestly, and give you a greater insight into whether the thing you want to change about yourself are things you really do want to change about yourself.
1. What is it that I really want?
Have you actually taken the time to consider what it is you want to do with your life? So often we end up doing things that other people think we should be doing, or get stuck in a rut because we ‘fell into’ something and just can’t see ourselves doing anything else.
If you have the self-awareness to know what it is you really want to do, you’re on the path to achieving it. If you don’t have a path you just wander aimlessly.
2. Do I really need to change?
If you want a different outcome from what you’re doing now, then something has to change. This could be changing yourself to change your circumstances, or, changing your circumstances to change yourself.
If we don’t do something to at least keep up with the times then we get left behind. So the answer is ‘yes’, you probably will have to change to achieve the things you want to do.
3. Will there be a light at the end of the tunnel?
If you know what it is that you want to achieve you can make a plan. If you can make a plan then you can set a specific deadline to reach your goal, and if you have a reachable goal then you have something that you can focus on.
It’s only when you have something that you can truly focus on, and know that you can achieve, that you can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. So yes, the will be a light at the end of the tunnel for you.
4. Am I going to be comfortable making these changes?
Not all changes are going to be changes that we’re comfortable with. Self-awareness helps you to discover what you’re comfortable with. If you’re about to do something that’s completely new then you’re probably going to feel a little uneasy about it, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the wrong thing to do.
Don’t do anything that’s going to make a change that you’re not comfortable with; but don’t not do it because the process makes you feel uncomfortable at the time.
5. Have I neglected myself?
A lot of people tend to forget about their selves while doing a lot for others, and while doing a lot for other people isn’t a bad thing, you still have to make sure that you don’t totally neglect your own needs.
Many people feel that it’s selfish if they think of their selves, but, if you don’t take some time out for yourself, once in a while, how are you going to be in a fit state to help others anyway? Also, if you don’t have the time to reflect on what’s going on in your own life, you won’t have all of the information you need to make the changes that you’re looking to make.
6. Am I happy with who I am and where I am today?
This may be a tough question for most people, bearing in mind that who and where we are today isn’t who and where we were yesterday, or even tomorrow. We are always in a state of change.
Life may have been unfair in the past, but it’s got you where you are today; is that a good place? Changing something today may not have an immediate effect on your life, but it will make you who you are in the years to come.
7. Do I appeal to the opposite sex?
That’s often a hard one to judge for yourself, seeing as you haven’t met everyone in the world.
We can often appeal to others for the unlikeliest of reasons, but if you want to appeal physically then there are always things you can do to change the way you look. It may be something as simple as a new wardrobe, or something as involved as doing a little more exercise.
Most will come down to who and how you want to appeal to the opposite sex. Just remember, however, any changes you make should be for your own benefit, not for the benefit of someone else.
8. How much do I want?
In terms of money you should remember that the more you want, the more you’re going to have to do to get it. If you want a lot of money, and are prepared to put in the time an effort to get it, then there’s nothing wrong with that.
If you want a lot of money, and have a family, then you have to weigh up which is more important, spending the time and effort to get it, or spending the time with your family. It can be a difficult juggling act; it really comes down to you and which you want the most.
9. What gets me motivated?
What is it that gets you motivated? This will be different for everyone, so there really isn’t any right answer.
Is the pursuit of happiness your motivator? Is it making sure that the family is taken care of? When you sit down and think about it, what makes you take action?
10. What is it that really makes you, you?
Now that you’ve written down your answers to the above questions you should have a better self-awareness. The answer to the way you make your changes lies in what you really want, if you really want it, whether you can see the final outcome, are you comfortable in making changes, are you actually happy with where you are at the moment, and what sort of motivation it will take to actually achieve your goal.
It’s good to have a plan, but you won’t know how to fulfil it if you don’t have at least a basic amount of self-awareness.
Many people have come to a part of their life when they are exploring their identity and ask themselves this question “Who Am I” or “What is my purpose in life”. Ask yourself this question “Who Am I” and how is your understanding of who you are? Maybe there is not an immediate problem for you to look at yourself, explore your identity and your life. Usually people who have personal issues with their life in loosing a job, divorced, separation, financial problems, alcohol problems, or death will delve into themselves and break free in what is keeping them from growing within themselves.
What do you believe to be true about yourself? As a child we grow up to be told by our parents, teachers, family, church about ourselves in what we possess, what knowledge base we have or lack, what skills and talents we have or do not have, our values, our worth, and we believe wholeheartedly in what we have been taught. Of course we believe because they are here for the purpose of nurturing, loving, teaching, and taking care of us.
Let me tell you a little story that affected me most of my life as a child, teen, and young adult. I was attending a Catholic School with my sisters and brother, and had difficulty in third grade. My parents, as many other parents, took the teachers views and beliefs in and never questioned them or their motives. I was kept back in third grade and the nuns told my parents that I was a slow learner, and my parents believed them. My parents in turn told me I was a slow learner, which I believed all through my life that I was a slow learner and this belief became my truth. I finished high school, never pursuing college and started a family at a young age. In my late 20′s I pursued Junior College, then onto the Universities. I was then raising four children, a housewife, working full-time, and continuing night courses. I was determined to become educated, get the best of grades, and go onto obtaining a bachelors degree in Psychology.
It was not until my 30′s that I started working on myself and asked that question “Who Am I”. Who was I performing all this for, what is my purpose, what am I trying to prove to others. My main drive was to prove to my parents, teachers, and society that I am not a slow learner. I had to look at how I was driving myself into the ground to prove to others that this old belief was not the truth but a lie. Before I could stop this cycle of having to prove to others, into being accepted as an intelligent person and not a slow learner, I had to first believe it. I was the driving force of all this, if I wholeheartedly did not believe I was a slow learner, then why was I so determined and working so hard to prove it to be wrong.
It was not until then that I knew what had to be done to change my low self image and my self belief. I had to go back and heal that hurt child that believed the Old Belief to be the truth. In order to turn it around you must see the opposite of truth which is a lie, and make it into a new belief and a new truth of yours. This old belief and old lie, that I held so close to my being, was other’s and not mine. In order to change that part of me. the Old Belief needed to die and give life to my New Belief and New Truth. This reprogramming is like a computers memory banks, you must delete the old to bring in the new and upload. This is what happens to our own memory banks, we must explore, research, identify, delete, restore, and take inventory periodically. My New Belief System and New Truth System lives on as I continue my venture in “Who Am I”.
I leave you with these questions; What would you like to do and accomplish? What good would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to attract into your life? What blocks or character defects would you like to change? What would you like to happen in friendships and loves? Give it your all – I will help you along!
I have worked as a therapist in various settings ranging from Ujima Family Services in California to Christchurch Men’s Prison in New Zealand. After gathering experiences as a Alcohol/Drug counselor, and Hypnotherapist/Psychologist I am continuing my passion in helping others through my website http://www.womenhealthaddiction.com
My website “Women’s Strength Within” will address addictions, parenting, relationships, and support to families, friends, and loved ones in the community.
Developing self awareness is the first step to emotional healing. Emotional dependency is learned from childhood experiences. If you grew up in an environment where communicating what you thought and felt was not actively encouraged, or where family problems were ignored, never spoken about or confronted in a healthy way, you may have developed the inability to communicate your own thoughts and feelings effectively. Even with the best parents our emotional nurturing can be unintentional neglected.
Lack of emotional nurturing, or soothing as a child can surface later in life as unwanted, unstable and outdated emotional feeling and behaviors. You can be seen to be the most successful person in all aspects of your life, but when it comes to your emotions you revert to child like behavioral reactions that you end up really regretting later.
As a child, parental acceptance is a strong force, especially when the only source of emotional nurturing was lots of encouragement for the things you were able to do. So often deep-rooted emotional wounds are hidden behind the overachieving child, so often resulting later in life as busyness. Unfortunately, being busy means that you miss out on living and enjoying your life to the full because you have no time for your self. Your subconscious mind switches off access to the here and now, so self-awareness is hardly present. Living outside of your self, produces the illusion that you never have enough time, or can never catch up.
Tip 1. How To Gain Instant Self Awareness
A quick simple and instant way to get yourself back into your body is to ask yourself “Am I aware” This simple phrase pulls you back from wherever your mind is. You will immediately experience a physical sensation of being in the moment, mindfully aware of yourself and what is going on within you and around you. You thoughts are neither in the past, nor the future, you are here experiencing the present moment. You can say this to yourself or out loud at anytime anywhere in any situation.
So what is the answer to self awareness?
The answer is to cease mind rushing and start to become aware of what your intuition is guiding you to do.
Be aware when something is upsetting or stressing you, stop pushing feelings away.
Being aware of how you feel gives you the choice of how you want to react, rather than the old self limiting automatic emotional reactions that have their roots in past experiences.
Practice being mindful, more present in the here and now.
Make a conscious decision to switch off the automatic pilot, to stop rushing, in mind and body.
Begin today to notice how you respond to others.
The objective of self-nurturing or self-soothing is to comfort yourself emotionally and physically when you become upset by way of experiencing pleasure through your senses. At the same time becoming aware and focusing your full attention on what you are physically experiencing in the moment.
Take time everyday to go outside and count 4 things that you can hear.
Become aware of the sounds in your environment during the day, letting them drift in and out of your senses.
Be mindful, still, and present with your self in the moment, letting the sounds flow through you.
Self-nurturing begins by taking time out for your self to sooth yourself, the very moment you feel upset. Caring for your body and mind is so important for your overall physical, emotional health and well-being. If you practice self-nurturing you will find the results will produce many benefits for you. By treating your self with love, respect and dignity you project this out to the world, and you will soon find that the world treats you differently.
You can master the skills of conscious self awareness very quickly. You can choose to feel better by experiencing pleasure mindfully, through all of your senses. You will find it very simple, because life is meant to be simple and pleasure and happiness is your birthright. You deserve to be happy and finding happiness and healing always starts from within. So claim your birthright, it claim it now!
For more tips on developing self awareness and healing emotional dependency please visit Tips on self awareness Sarah Chambers is a Clinical Hypnotherapist, Psychotherapist, Master NLP Practitioner, Life Coach. She records her own self-hypnosis healing audios which can be sampled on her website Hypnosis Healing Audios
In some point in our lives we will suffer from low self esteem, but that does not mean we try to strive for high self esteem. It is a moderate balance. High self esteem is all about how much we value others people’s opinions and how much we love ourselves. Low self esteem comes from a poor self image. Low self esteem thrives on negative thoughts which makes you believe the criticism made by others. This can cause you to lose faith in yourself maybe harm yourself.
Before fighting against the problem of low self esteem one should know about the factors behind low self esteem.
There are two factors which mainly affect our self esteem- how others see and treat us, how we see ourselves.
Let’s discuss the first factor how others see and treat us. There are many people who play an important role in our life like parents, teachers, friends wives and husbands. Criticism by these people can damage your self esteem. For example if parents spend more time criticizing their children, then it can be harder for children to develop a good self esteem. So we can confirm that how high or low a self esteem is all stems from our upbringing.
Apart from how our upbringing affects our self esteem there is a critic inside us as well to find fault in everything we do. Listening to the negative inner voice can harm a person’s self esteem in the same way other can do. The inner critic is our biggest enemy we may have had a good self esteem as a child but then something happens in our lives which changes our self esteem like a partner criticism, where self esteem is affected..
Our Self Esteem can be affected by our own expectations. People have their lives planned out and what they want to be. And when these plans do not materialise self esteem is affected.
We all experience problems with self esteem at certain times in our lives. But the good news is that, low self esteem is not permanent there are many ways we can improve or raise our self esteem. You can improve your self esteem if you put the effort in and have the self confidence to build self esteem and believe in yourself.
We can all strive for a better understanding of low self esteem and if you require some help then please visit Http://www.haanelmasterkeysystem.com for a 100% Free Mini Course, packed with videos and exercises to help you build self esteem fast.
Ann Mir has become an expert at raising self esteem through the most effective form of expert training, namely, her own journey from lack of motivation to being able to successfully motivate others. Now, she shares her techniques through her mini-course, the Haanel Master Key System, which combines text, audio, video and interactive components that are aimed at teaching the user to boost his own self esteem.
Have you ever encountered one of those people who seem to be happy and peaceful all the time and who seem to be successful at everything they try? Have you ever wondered just how this is possible when so many others struggle so hard to achieve even a little success at one or two things? It just doesn’t seem fair! And have you ever heard that little voice in your head that wonders if those people know something that you don’t? And if that is true, what exactly is it that they know that makes everything come so easy to them?
The answer to all this is really one of those weird realities that tell us to achieve something by not trying to achieve it. It is so Zen haku! But when you finally do see it you wonder how you could have missed it in the first place. The secret behind all this is in the fact that some fundamentals are so basic and powerful, that any changes in them will propagate into every detail of your life. It is a form of going backwards in order to go forwards or changing the foundation in order to change the structure that stands on it.
Revisiting The Basics
One of the main problems with looking at the basics is that we don’t always know where they begin or even how to recognize them for what they are. Often we think we are dealing with some basic and it may have a limited impact but nothing like what we had anticipated and we never think about it any deeper or we might have discovered the truth. Also, it is a little risky messing around with the real basics. We intuitively sense that we might discover something that we may not be prepared to deal with. But such things are based on fear and fear is one of the basics that we need to look at anyway because it is a big part of the prison we construct around ourselves.
All our experiences are based in our minds. Happiness and success like all other experiences we encounter are the result of decisions we make. Now I know that every one of you that just read that sentence who has not yet realized the reality of personal responsibility, will object with great passion, perhaps a little too much passion in fact, but another of those pesky basics is personal responsibility. Sorry! But when you go looking for the truth, you can’t just pick and choose which truths work for you and which don’t, and if you find yourself doing this, you need to ask yourself just what part of you is trying to do this, and to what end? It’s called self awareness.
The Agenda Of Basics
Basics are just that, basic. When we are looking at an individual human life, we need to realize how important things like self worth are. How much depends on how we really feel about ourselves? Think about it! If we feel bad about ourselves, what kind of life do you think we will have? And on the other hand, if we feel good about ourselves, what is that likely to lead to? What might be the consequences if our lives are guided by the values of material wealth and gain alone? Will we be likely to respect life itself? On the other hand, if we are guided by the values of love and compassion what might we encounter in our lives? What if we loved ourselves?
Basics are just that, basic. If we spend our whole lives caught up in a trance of cultural reality, that is, a reality defined by society, civilization and culture, rather than living our lives by more solid and truer values based on awareness of ourselves and a well developed intelligence each of which is the result of the development of self discipline, then we will live our whole lives without actually being there to enjoy it because we will be living inside an idea in our head, a conceptual version of reality. We will have lived our lives for other people, for an idea of life, for a society’s idea of what we should be, of the world’s idea of how we should live our lives.
The Journey Back To The Garden
Finding our way back to our natural state of being is now more difficult than ever because of the long journey of social, political and economic indoctrination that we have been subjected to. But achieving success in all things means living a successful life, and doing that means developing self discipline which is required in order to develop self awareness, which is the journey to find our natural selves. It isn’t a matter of making ourselves into something we are currently not, it is a matter of peeling back the layers of lies and false assumptions that we long ago accepted as the truth and by which we have been living our lives, at the expense of our true and natural selves.
True success is finding our way back to the love that shines in all of us and has been waiting in our hearts for us to find the courage to let it emerge and ourselves unfold into the natural loving and happy creatures we started out as when we were children. One of our species greatest mistakes is in not preserving the child and letting it gain wisdom with time, but rather suppressing it and replacing it with obedient drone workers and consumers in order to serve the undisciplined and unconscious world version of the purpose of life. We have the power to break the chains of our social and cultural programming and reconfigure ourselves according a more loving and enduring paradigm of the purpose of life.
You can begin your journey of self awareness by changing the behaviors that are preventing your success here.
Robert Darby is a self change and personal development specialist who writes for many organizations including The Agenda Of Life Foundation He focuses on developing personal power since that is usually the cause of all Human problems. Because he is fearless in his exploration of the true nature of reality, he has become one of the emerging writers of our time.
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