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Do You Possess Coping Skills?

February 19, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Jahiel Kamhi

The weather was prefect for an outdoor birthday party. I was there with a group of friends. The celebrator, I’ll call her Helen, was a very spiritual and interesting person. She was very gifted: a writer, dancer, musician and poet. How is it possible to be so skillful?

During our conversation, I asked her, “Helen, what are the most useful skills you possess?”

“Coping skills,” was her quick response.

Do you want to know more about coping skills? Read about my conversation with Helen, and you will learn a lot.

Me: “Helen, I am surprised that you mentioned that coping skills were your most useful skills. Why is that? Did you lose someone close to you?”

Helen: “Thank God, no. You have misunderstood what I meant by coping. Coping does not only involve dealing with the stress of a death in the family. It also could mean dealing with changes that come with the birth of the baby, moving to another city, getting a job promotion, or the stress of driving on the highway, or arguing with family members or a friend. For any stressful situation we need to possess coping skills. Simply put, we need to know how to deal with a new situation. It is a behavioral tool we use to overcome adversity or stress.

Me: “How did you learn your coping skills, or do you believe you were born with them?”

Helen: “I have learned my skills from many different sources, and through observing what works for me. The range of successful coping skills varies widely and their use depends on the problem. I believe that the learning, sharing and practicing of coping skills are generally very helpful. Personally, I use many different techniques, such as relaxation response, exercises with deep breathing, meditation, cognitive behavior therapy methods and I listen to classical music. One of my very useful techniques is self-talk. What we say to ourselves and how we say it is crucial in gaining coping skills.

My advice is to watch your language when you talk to yourself. With your self talk, you are programming yourself for better or worse. Forgiveness and thankfulness are also very useful coping skills.

Me: “How do I learn all these skills?”

Helen: “Just through practice. Those who want to gain coping skills need to learn these by themselves”.

Me: “Is ‘walking in someone else’s shoes’ good to use as a coping technique?”

Helen: “This works very well for me. If I can understand another person’s behavior, I can help myself.”

Me: “We are talking about coping skills. May I ask you for the definition of coping skills?”

Helen: “There are so many definitions. One of them is a ‘complex set of internal beliefs, emotions, and behaviors that we learn from a young age’. Another one is ‘flexibility and personal control in approaching any problem and recognizing your own strengths’. My definition of coping skills is ‘a healthy way of addressing situations.’”

Me: “Does acceptance work well as a coping skill?”

Helen: “Sure it does. Sometimes, there is not much to be done about particular situation. Can you change the weather or the traffic? Acceptance can be a good coping skill – it all depends on circumstances. I call acceptance dealing with the situation.”

Me: “Recently, I heard a person say she had no coping skills at all. Could this be correct?”

Helen: “In my opinion, it is not correct to say that. Virtually all living beings routinely utilize different coping skills in daily life. Some people are more successful and skilful in doing this than others. The good thing is that we can improve our ability to use coping mechanisms, if we want to do that.”

Me: “Why is it important to learn and use coping skills?”

Helen: “I’ll mention just a few reasons. The first reason is to reduce the intensity of the emotional distress you feel. Stress is very harmful to our bodies. In the act of trying to escape from emotional distress, you might possibly do something harmful to yourself or to another person. The second reason is very important. When you handle a difficult situation, you build your self-confidence.”

Me: “When you are feeling an intense emotion, it can be hard to know what to do.”

Helen: “You need to learn from experience and understand what works best for you. There is no magical formula for the best remedy to overcome a challenging situation. You need to know what is available ‘on the market’ to use as coping skills, and practice them. As you know, mastery requires practice.”

Me: “What about prayer?”

Helen: “I am spiritual person. Prayer works for me, but I am not sure whether it does for others. I have a friend who calls me whenever any problem arises. Calling another person to chat could be useful. Again, it depends on many things. Doing something nice for someone else is a good coping skill for me. It can really reduce emotional pain.”

Me: “Helen, you are very familiar with coping skills!”

Helen: “Thank you. May I add something? Do not use alcohol or drugs in order to cope with difficulties. The escape is only temporary and you’ll end up with greater problems.”

Me: “Thank you Helen.”

Jahiel Yasha Kamhi
jasakamhi@hotmail.com

Jahiel- Yasha- Kamhi holds a degree in Medical Biochemistry and a Bachelor’s degree in Chemistry. Jahiel is passionate about writing, and conveying positive ideas that help people live life with more passion and purpose. His mission is to promote a good mental and physical health. Jahiel’s core message is to inspire and encourage people, to give them hope and help them live their everyday life.

Being thankful for what is good in life rather than focusing on the negative is his message. With hope, all things are possible.

He writes regularly for online Newsletter http://www.personal-development.com and magazines. Jahiel delivers customized presentations, inspiring others to find more meaning and balance in their lives.

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Do Changes Put You Over the Top? Learn Coping Skills – 5 Ways to Reduce Stress

February 12, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Rosalie Moscoe -

Do you thrive on changes in life? Most hate it. Many people eat the same foods every day; take the same route to work or even stay in the same job for 35 years; others change jobs every five years. For many, routine is stability; for others, it’s stagnation. It all depends on your perception!

Some changes in everyday life we can plan. Some we cannot; life happens. Normal life events such as pregnancy, changing jobs, a high mortgage, a son or daughter leaving home can send us into a spin. Even vacations and holidays such as Christmas can be stressful for some.

Top 10 Life Changes That Cause Stress Burn Out

Awareness is key. According to Holmes-Rae Life Stress Inventory, the following are the top ten changes that can cause serious stress symptoms: Death of a spouse, divorce, marital separation, jail term, death of a close family member, personal injury or illness, getting married, getting fired at work, marital reconciliation, retirement.

Five Ways to Cope With Changes in Our Life

1) Realize that it’s the transition period after the event that can be the most difficult. You may feel like you’re in limbo, treading on unsure ground. You likely feel tremendous loss. These are normal feelings after life altering events. They won’t last forever.

2) Try to do familiar things: take your pet for the usual walk, eat foods you’re used to, frequent familiar restaurants, watch favorite movies.

3) Talk to someone about the changes and how they affect you. This can be a great way to reduce stress.

4) Do your best to see the change as the glass half full instead of half empty. For example: You lose your job. You sit inside your home and worry about your bills. Instead, look for a new job that you feel you will enjoy more than the last, one that is more suited to your skills. Or learn a new skill. This can be scary, yet exciting.

5) If you can see nothing positive about a particular change in your life, make a list of all the things and people you’re grateful for. Note successes that you’ve had. Repeat these to yourself often. These positive psychology ideas can help in changing negative thinking.

Most of the time, we can’t plan ahead for deaths in the family, floods, power failures or computer crashes. Eventual acceptance of those difficult events and recognizing other positive features in your life will help you to reduce stress. Know there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Rosalie Moscoe helps people reduce stress, boost morale and live healthy, energetic lives. Stress Relief and Nutritional Consultant, she is author of print and e-book, Frazzled Hurried Woman! Your Stress Relief Guide to Thriving…Not Merely Surviving. Visit: http://www.healthinharmony.com.

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Improve Your Coping Skills For Depression

February 5, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Max Wardlow -

Developing healthy coping skills for depression is essential in the high stress environment many of us are faced with today. The World Health Organization estimates are that depression is the fourth largest, most expensive and most disabling illness in the world today, and they expect this trend to continue for the next decade.

If you’re experiencing depression, you not alone. In varying degrees we’re all affected by trauma. Unresolved emotions are usually involved in symptoms of depression. A certain amount of emotional trauma is inevitably involved in being human. Many of us may be carrying around unresolved emotions left over from childhood.

We don’t usually understand how sensitive we are as children and since children have not yet developed skills for resolving trauma, it’s often necessary at the time to develop a coping strategy that may become counterproductive in adulthood.

Some researchers believe that most illness and disease has at its root, unresolved emotional issues which are being unconsciously suppressed. On the subject of coping skills for depression, we must consider that the very coping tactics that we’ve adopted may be helping to cause the depression.

One of the most common coping tactics is avoidance. In order to avoid our uncomfortable emotions we try to lose ourself in some activity. Overwork, sex, surfing the Net, food and shopping are some of the things we use to try to “forget our pain.” Of course there’s nothing wrong with any of these activities, but if our main reason for doing them is to avoid painful emotions, they will probably be less than satisfying.

Since we’ve all been conditioned and trained to suppress emotions that we were taught were “negative”, learning to make room for these feelings is a productive coping skill for depression.

To be honest, learning to make room for difficult emotions is not for sissies. We may want a “quick fix”, and there are legal prescription drugs that may seem to provide this, but the only real long-term solution is committing to your own emotional healing and growth process.

For the difficult issues involved in child and/or sexual abuse, professional therapy would be the safest and best course of action. Many self help options are available to help with less severe issues.

In today’s fast paced and quickly changing world, it’s not uncommon to experience some level of depression or anxiety on a consistent basis. Under these conditions, stress management skills are a necessity.

Focused relaxation training like neurofeedback, biofeedback and meditation can help you develop coping skills for depression and learn to diffuse stress before it can undermine you by building to unhealthy levels. Another easy way to reduce stress is through regular, enjoyable physical exercise.

Max Wardlow writes from experience about anxiety and depression. He also helps manage a website about natural remedies where you can find out more about natural depression support.

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Tips For Coping With Loneliness

January 29, 2012 By 1 Comment

By Ruma Sen -

Loneliness can be felt at any point in life. You may lead a very active and socially full life, and yet feel lonely in a crowd. The point is, that one has to realize that you are your best friend. You cannot rely on any one or two individuals to constantly shepherd you, hear you out, or even agree with you on any single point. In fact, if you are lucky to have even one good friend who can understand you and be there for you 24 hours a day and seven days a week, then you are indeed very blessed.

With age and children leaving the nest, most women find themselves caught in a quagmire of anxiety, hopelessness and despair. If they dig a little deeper, they will find out that all the energy spent on negative thinking, can be turned around, and that children leaving the parental home does not spell the end of life. Allow yourself the liberty of dreaming pleasant thoughts when the time comes to wave off your young ones off to college. Imagine what all you dreamed of doing while they were around you, but couldn’t do, due to their schooling and other responsibilities. Realize that of course, you (and your spouse) will continue being good parents, and always be there for your children, to guide them and encourage them at any given point.

Rediscover yourself with engaging in your hobbies. Remember the time you had always wanted to complete and oil painting but couldn’t, due to your constant preoccupation with the children? Or the musical instrument you always wanted to learn to play, but couldn’t, due to the paucity of time? Or the time when you and your husband or your best friends always wanted to go on a particular sightseeing trip, but were tied up again, due to kids and their never ending responsibilities? Of course, time can’t grant you your days of youthfulness again, but learn to feel thankful that, having done your work of parenting so successfully when it was required the most, you are now free to pursue your dreams, and live life exactly the way you want it.Keeping your mind distracted with mentally stimulating work and good company of family and friends is a must to ward off any negative thoughts that may prove to be roadblocks on your way to a happier and fuller life, at this point. Pay attention to your health, both mental and physical, for they are the keystones on which our lives revolve. Avoid people with whom you do not share a comfortable relationship with: for they will only underline your need to feel low. Life is beautiful at any stage: it is up to us to finish this grand canvas with a flourish. Meditation, exercise, a bit of spirituality and acceptance will make it all the more easier to keep the machinery of our lives well greased to the end. Maturity, courage, a calm mind, and a steady will, are the positive fall outs of having a great attitude toward life in general, and dealing with ourselves in particular. Having said this, there is no need to let loneliness get the better of you.

This article is an original one. The contents have been garnered from various sources, online, books and real life experiences. In case the reader wishes to add any new dimension to this, I would welcome it. http://littlemissmuffet19641964.spaces.live.com/

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Anger Coping Skills and Tips – Self Talk

January 15, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Nick Mutt -

Trainers should use all the four common teaching methods – instruction, modeling, role play, and feedback. Trainers will need to educate about how our opinion can influence our approach and behavior. If an important person bumps into us and we tell ourselves that he did this on reason, we are more likely to get distress. However, if we tell ourselves that it was a misfortune, we are less likely to get distress. If we give ourselves good commands during the infuriating condition, we will be more likely to respond suitably. In this article you will find effective anger coping skills and tips.

To educate how to manage anger, discuss with students the underlying principle for the topic. Provide information about how our opinion can influence our emotions. Just as other people can make us feel annoyed by what they say, we can get ourselves distress by what we say to ourselves. Give the few examples – Our manager shouts at us. If we think that he is out to acquire us, we will get angry. If we think that he is just having an awful day, we may not get angry.

Our colleagues spill something on some copies we just completed. If we think he is out to get us fired or into problem, we will be irritated. If we tell ourselves it was just an accident, we are less likely to irritate. Our spouse comes home not on time. If we think he/she is cheating on us, we will get angry. Or, if we think he/she has been an accident, we may feel concerned. Our child is creating dramas in the store. If we think he is doing it on reason and all of the people in the store are irritated with us, we may get distress. If we think that there is something incorrect with the child and most people maybe don’t care, we are less likely to get distress.

A colleague brings us a card for our birthday or anniversary. If we think he actually likes us and wants to spend some time with us, we may have feelings of magnetism and a desire to spend some time with him/her. If we think that he is just being kind, we will have approach of friendship, but may not have loving feelings. Pick a role-play and have a student practice the coping abilities to control anger. The student should practice deep breathing while the instructor says the self-statements for the student. Using the same role-play, have the student do deep breathing while he/she makes the statements out loud.

Copyright © Nick Mutt, All Rights Reserved. If you want to use this article on your website or in your ezine, make all the urls (links) active.

Know about customer relationship management (CRM) and CRM Best Practices. Read information on ERP Features Functions and how to select the right ERP.

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Effective Coping Skills in the Treatment of Eating Disorders

January 8, 2012 By 1 Comment

By Jeanne Rust, Phd -

It has long been my contention that eating disorders are chronic, stress-related conditions where people, oftentimes at a very young age, begin to use eating disordered behaviors as a way of coping with stress in their lives. Initially many of these people discover that the eating disorder works quite well for them. In most cases they have never had the opportunity to learn healthy coping strategies.

Researchers have defined three kinds of coping: problem-focused, emotion-focused, and perception-focused coping. The skills and responses a person uses in times of stress may be different depending on how severely they are stressed.

When an individual uses problem-focused coping, they will take direct action on their surroundings or themselves to remove or attempt to change the threat. A person will use emotion-focused coping when he or she uses actions or thoughts to control unpleasant feelings brought on by the threat. When a person uses cognitive attempts to reduce or alter the severity of a threat, he or she is using perception-focused coping.

Another way of regarding coping strategies is to look at approach coping and avoidance coping. An individual who utilizes approach coping skills is someone who will usually take direct action to deal with the situation that is creating stress. Someone who is uses avoidance strategies is someone who will go to any lengths to avoid the situation or person who is creating stress in their lives.

Those individuals with excellent social resources will tend to rely more on approach coping than avoidance coping. Individuals who have sufficient support from family and friends will rely less on avoidance coping methods and rely more on approach coping methods. Ot makes sense to me that if I have something stressful happen in my life that things will be better if I take action and deal with it rather than avoiding it!

Coping skills include information gathering, stopping a certain behavior or action, and using cognitive coping skills that can change the way the person looks at the problem. Coping skills have been defined as learned resourcefulness or a set of skills which a person uses to control certain internal events that might cause him or her unwanted pain, feelings, or fear.

Here are some healthy and effective coping skills that anyone can use:

· Boost your self-esteem by becoming involved in activities that interest you. Discover your passion!

· Go online and talk with an online friend.

· Imagine yourself in a safe place where you do not need to think about doing anything that is harmful to yourself.

· Make a list of positive affirmations. Pick one, look at yourself in the mirror and say if morning and night for 21 days. The affirmation will become a part of you!

· Get a massage. You can get pretty inexpensive massages at any school that teaches massage.

· Walk your dog or play with you cat.

· Make a list of some nice things you would like to do for your friends.

· Think about taking some classes or doing something to help you discover your passion.

· Tell your parent, husband, partner, or friend that you love them.

· Make a list of what you are grateful for. This is tough when you are stressed, but if you write it down, the act of writing will help!

Learning effective coping skills can change your life!

Jeanne Rust, PhD is the CEO and Founder of Mirasol, a treatment program for women and teens with anorexia, bulimia, obesity, and binge eating disorder. Her treatment philosophy is integrative combining the best of the medical model of treatment with the most effective alternative ones. Learn more about eating disorders at http://www.mirasol.net

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Filed Under: Addiction Management, Coping Skills

Happiness and Joy – Do You Know the Difference?

January 1, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Kristen A Sheehan -

In my years of Coaching and Mentoring, it has become clear to me that most people are completely confused when it comes to the topics of happiness and joy. To a certain extent, these two words can be used interchangeably, but in reality, there is a significant difference between happiness and joy. It is important for people to understand this difference, before they are able to break the cycle of unhappiness in their life and experience real joy.

The difference is this: Happiness is conditional. Joy is constant.

Happiness is conditional. It is dependent. It is variable. Our “condition” or level of happiness varies depending on what we have or don’t have in our life. When we get what we want we feel happy. When we don’t get what we want we often feel unhappy or sad.

People frequently say to me, “Kristen, you’re always so happy!” “You’re always smiling!” For the most part this is true. I am happy quite a bit. However, I’m not happy allthe time. There are times when I am sad. But my smile is authentic — even when I’m sad, and the secret to my smile is joy.

Joy is very different from happiness. Joy is constant. Joy comes from the underlying knowing, with absolute certainty, that everything is exactly the way it should be, at any given moment. With joy, we are able to get through difficult times and move forward. Joy is what allows us to experience the death of a loved one yet celebrate their life. Joy reminds us that life is not over when we lose something we really like or when we fail to get something we desire. When we have joy, we can get through financial struggles, illness, loss, breakups, divorce, failure, set-backs, recovery from addictions and more. When we are living in joy, we do not struggle. After all, isn’t that the real goal for everyone — to live without struggle?

Joy, by its very nature, has its roots in a much deeper, stronger foundation than happiness. As a matter of fact, happiness is not rootedin anything at all. Instead, happiness is attached. Happiness is attached to things and people. Consequently, when the things and the people happiness is attached to come in and out of our life so does the happiness. Therefore, our real goal needs to be to find joy!

There are many ways to find joy but at the very basic level joy can be found through principled living. Principles are universal, fundamental laws of nature that work for all people who work them. Principles work even when we do not believe in them, agree with them, understand them or like them. Gravity is a great example. Gravity is a principle of nature. Whether you like it, agree with it, understand it, believe in it or not, gravity will work regardless the minute you or I jump off a building!

Live a life of principles such as surrender, faith, discipline, self-awareness, gratitude, forgiveness and service. This is one sure-fire way to obtain joy. Don’t be overly concerned with happiness…it ebbs and flows. Find joy. It is much more sustainable and gratifying.

If you really enjoyed this article and would like to learn more about how you can break the cycle of unhappiness in your life so that you can live in joy, Kristen A Sheehan invites you to pick up your FREE audio download “Seven Simple Strategies to Break Out of Unhappiness and Change Your Life so that You Can Live in Joy” at http://livingjoytoday.com

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Coping Skills to Help You Deal With Stress

December 27, 2011 By Leave a Comment

stressBy Janie Behr -

Whether a challenging event or circumstance has a stressful effect depends on your coping skills. Your reaction to a stressful event is related to:

  •  Whether you perceive the situation as threatening or undesirable
  •  Whether you feel you have some control over the situation
  •  Whether you respond to the challenge in ways that interfere with your taking care of yourself

When faced with a stressful situation that you cannot control, it is important for you to know that there are other elements of your life that you can control.

Control what you can——–this helps break the stress cycle by counteracting the negative effects of feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. In times of stress, it is crucial that you take care of yourself. Only then can you deal with a demanding situation or help others. Among the things that you can control are your posture and body language, muscular tension, breathing, exercise and diet. Other useful techniques are:

  • Learn pacing
  •  Learn to say no
  •  Learn to assert yourself
  •  Get enough sleep
  •  Allow enough time for relaxation techniques
  •  Don’t think you have to do it all
  •  Allow sufficient exercise time for gentle muscle stretching
  •  Make sure you are getting proper nourishment (THAT INCLUDES WATER)
  •  Decrease or eliminate your intake of stress-inducing substances, including cocaine, marijuana, caffeine, tobacco, alcohol, and prescription drugs, especially analgesics, tranquilizers, sleeping pills, diet pills and muscle relaxants. ASK YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE REDUCING OR ELIMINATING ANY PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION.

In making all of these changes, you are exercising control over important aspects of your life.

Janie Behr is a qualified life coach specializing in helping people find their purpose, achieve their goals, and explore all the possibilities that life has to offer. She is available for private individual coaching, group coaching and public speaking engagements. She runs frequent teleseminars dedicated to helping people find and live their most positive lives! For more information please visit http://www.jblifecoach.com.

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Tips For Coping With Holiday Stress – Be Merry Not Stressed!

December 18, 2011 By Leave a Comment

By Patricia L. McCallum -

Tips for Coping With Holiday Stress

During the holidays, it is easy to get stressed out. Knowing how to cope with holiday stress is important so that you do not feel beat when the holiday season is over. You are less pleasant to be around when you look and sound defeated by the holidays. Here are some holiday stress management tips and tricks that will help anyone get over those seasonal blues.

Get holiday shopping done early

When comes to coping with holiday stress, getting your holiday shopping out of the way early is a good way to lessen your burden. Most people already know what they want to eat for the holidays. They also know how they want to decorate and what gifts they want to give. If you already know all of those things before they holiday season actually starts, it is fairly easy to get some if not all of the actual shopping out of the way early on.

Ask for help

This may seem silly, but asking for help can really help with coping with holiday stress. There are many people who would rather get hit by a train, then ask for help. However, many times people are willing to help their friends, relatives, and neighbors get things done if it will make everyone happy. So do not be afraid to go and ask for help, especially from the people you may be having over the holidays.

Listen to holiday music

One of the best cures for the holiday blues is listening to music associated with that holiday. Music is very soothing to the mind and body, and will help you feel less stressed out. Choose songs that are fun and happy to listen to over those that have a more mellow tone, because the cheerful songs will help you get into the right mood. This is the best way to manage your stress levels without actually doing the other two ideas. Do not let the holidays get you down. Instead put on a happy face and do what you can to help alleviate the pressure. Coping with holiday stress will ultimately make you a happier person to be around. It will make the holiday season be a wonderful time for everyone to be together. Each year, holidays will get easier and easier, and you will find that holiday stress management is the best thing that you could have done for yourself. Happy Holidays!

Click here for more Tips for Coping With Holiday Stress: http://www.stress-affects-health.com/holiday-stress-tips.html

Patricia McCallum is a certified yoga instructor, former Buddhist nun and creator of the Tibetan Life web site containing information about the fascinating Tibetan people; their customs, habits and traditions in Tibet and in the exile communities around the world.

She has created a series of Stretch Chair Yoga Instructional DVDs for people who need gentle easy exercise but who have trouble getting up and down from the mat. http://www.stretch-chairyoga.com

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Coping with Change: Develop Your Personal Strategy

December 11, 2011 By 1 Comment

By Steve Singleton -

Why do we resist change?

As the saying goes, the only people who like change are busy cashiers and wet babies. We find change disorienting, creating within us an anxiety similar to culture shock, the unease visitors to an alien land feel because of the absence of the familiar cues they took for granted back home. With an established routine, we don’t have to think! And thinking is hard work.

Change is a business fact of life

Is your company is currently undergoing major changes that will affect the lives of all of its employees? These changes are probably in response to the evolving needs of your customers. They are made possible because of improvements in telecommunications and digital technology. They are likely guided by accepted principles and practices of total quality management. And you can expect that they will result in significant improvements profitability–a success that all employees will share. Because our customers’ needs are NOW, we must make changes swiftly, which means that all of us must cooperate with the changes, rather than resist them.

How do we resist change?

We tend to respond to change the same way we respond to anything we perceive as a threat: by flight or fight. Our first reaction is flight–we try to avoid change if we can. We do what futurist Faith Popcorn calls “cocooning”: we seal ourselves off from those around us and try to ignore what is happening. This can happen in the workplace just by being passive. We don’t volunteer for teams or committees; we don’t make suggestions, ask questions, or offer constructive criticism. But the changes ahead are inescapable. Those who “cocoon” themselves will be left behind.

Even worse is to fight, to actively resist change. Resistance tactics might include negativity, destructive criticism, and even sabotage. If this seldom happens at your company, you are fortunate.

Take a different approach to change

Rejecting both alternatives of flight or flight, we seek a better option–one that neither avoids change nor resists it, but harnesses and guides it.

Change can be the means to your goals, not a barrier to them.

Both fight and flight are reactions to perceiving change as a threat. But if we can change our perceptions, we can avoid those reactions. An old proverb goes, “Every change brings an opportunity.” In other words, we must learn to see change as a means of achieving our goals, not a barrier preventing us from reaching them.

Another way of expressing the same thought is: A change in my external circumstances provides me with an opportunity to grow as a human being. The greater the change is, the greater and faster I can grow. If we can perceive change along these lines, we will find it exciting and energizing, rather than depressing and debilitating.

Yet this restructuring of our perspective on change can take some time. In fact, coping with change follows the same steps as the grieving process.1 The steps are shock and denial that the old routine must be left behind, then anger that change is inevitable, then despair and a longing for the old ways, eventually replaced by acceptance of the new and a brighter view of the future. Everyone works through this process; for some, the transition is lightning fast, for others painfully slow.

Realize your capacity to adapt.

As one writer put it recently:

Our foreparents lived through sea changes, upheavals so cataclysmic, so devastating we may never appreciate the fortitude and resilience required to survive them. The next time you feel resistant, think about them and about what they faced–and about what they fashioned from a fraction of the options we have. They blended old and new worlds, creating family, language, cuisine and new life-affirming rhythms, and they encouraged their children to keep on stepping toward an unknown but malleable future.2

Human beings are created remarkably flexible, capable of adapting to a wide variety of environments and situations. Realizing this can help you to embrace and guide change rather than resisting or avoiding it.

Develop a coping strategy based on who you are.

Corporate employees typically follow one of four decision-making styles: analytical, directive, conceptual, and behavioral. These four styles, described in a book by Alan J. Rowe and Richard O. Mason,3 have the following characteristics:
Analytical Style

    - technical, logical, careful, methodical, needs much data, likes order, enjoys problem-solving, enjoys structure, enjoys scientific study, and enjoys working alone.

Conceptual Style – creative and artistic, future oriented, likes to brainstorm, wants independence, uses judgment, optimistic, uses ideas vs. data, looks at the big picture, rebellious and opinionated, and committed to principles or a vision.

Behavioral Style – supportive of others, empathetic, wants affiliation, nurtures others, communicates easily, uses instinct, avoids stress, avoids conflict, relies on feelings instead of data, and enjoys team/group efforts.

Directive Style- aggressive, acts rapidly, takes charge, persuasive and/or is manipulative, uses rules, needs power/status, impatient, productive, single-minded, and enjoys individual achievements.

Read once more through these descriptions and identify which style best describes you. Then find and study the strategy people who share your style follow to cope with change:

Analytical coping strategy

    - You see change as a challenging puzzle to be solved. You need plenty of time to gather information, analyze data, and draw conclusions. You will resist change if you are not given enough time to think it through.

Conceptual coping strategy – You are interested in how change fits into the big picture. You want to be involved in defining what needs to change and why. You will resist change if you feel excluded from participating in the change process.

Behavioral coping strategy – You want to know how everyone feels about the changes ahead. You work best when you know that the whole group is supportive of each other and that everyone champions the change process. If the change adversely affects someone in the group, you will perceive change as a crisis.

Directive coping strategy- You want specifics on how the change will affect you and what your own role will be during the change process. If you know the rules of the change process and the desired outcome, you will act rapidly and aggressively to achieve change goals. You resist change if the rules or anticipated results are not clearly defined.

Realizing what our normal decision-making style is, can enable us to develop personal change-coping tactics.

How can we cope with change?

1. Get the big picture. – Sometimes, not only do we miss the forest because of the trees, but we don’t even see the tree because we’re focused on the wood. Attaining a larger perspective can help all of us to cope with change, not just the conceptualists. The changes underway at my company are clearly following at least four important trends, which I believe are probably reflective of businesses in general:

 

    • Away from localized work toward network-based work,

 

  • Away from a feast-or-famine working environment toward a routinely busy working environment,

 

 

  • Away from site-limited approaches toward approaches that are consistent company-wide, and

 

 

  • Away from vertical, top-down management toward a more horizontal management structure, with shared accountability.

 

 

Getting at least this much comprehension of the big picture will help us to understand where each of us fits.

2. Do some anchoring. – When everything around you is in a state of flux, it sure helps to find something stable that isn’t going to change, no matter what. Your company’s values (whether articulated or not) can provide that kind of stability for you. Ours include the Company Family, Focus on the Customer, Be Committed to Quality, and Maintain Mutual Respect. These values are rock-solid; they are not going to disappear or rearrange themselves into something else. Plus, each of us has personal values that perhaps are even more significant and permanent. Such immovables can serve as anchors to help us ride out the storm.

3. Keep your expectations realistic. – A big part of taking control of the change you experience is to set your expectations. You can still maintain an optimistic outlook, but aim for what is realistically attainable. That way, the negatives that come along won’t be so overwhelming, and the positives will be an adrenaline rush. Here are some examples:

 

    • There will be some bumps along the road. We shouldn’t expect all of the changes ahead to be painless, demanding only minimal sacrifice, cost, or effort. In fact, we should expect some dead ends, some breakdowns in communications, and some misunderstandings, despite our best efforts to avoid them. We may not be able to anticipate all of the problems ahead, but we can map out in general terms how we will deal with them.

 

  • Not everyone will change at the same rate. The learning rates of any employees will distribute themselves along a bell curve. A few will adapt rapidly, most will take more time, and a few will adjust gradually. Also, many younger employees may find change, especially technological innovations, easier than those older. The reason may be, as one observer explains, “Older people’s hard disks are fuller.”4 On the other hand, you may find some younger ones surprisingly reluctant to take on a new challenge.

 

 

  • The results of change may come more slowly than we would want. As participants in an “instant society,” conditioned by the media to expect complex problems to reach resolution in a 60-minute time frame, we may find the positive results of change slow to arrive from the distant horizon. If we are aware of this, we won’t be so disappointed if tomorrow’s results seem so similar to today’s.

 

 
4. Develop your own, personal change tactics.Get plenty of exercise, plenty of rest, and watch your diet. Even if you take all the right steps and follow the best advice, undergoing change creates stress in your life, and stress takes energy. Aware of this, you can compensate by taking special care of your body.

Invest time and energy in training. Sharpen your skills so that you can meet the challenges ahead with confidence. If the training you need is not available through Bowne, get it somewhere else, such as the community college or adult education program in your area.

Get help when you need it. If you are confused or overwhelmed with the changes swirling around you, ask for help. Your supervisor, manager, or coworkers may be able to assist you in adjusting to the changes taking place. Your human resources department and any company-provided counseling services are other resources available to you.

Make sure the change does not compromise either your company values or your personal ones. If you are not careful, the technological advances jostling each other for your attention and adoption will tend to isolate you from personal contact with your coworkers and customers. E-mail, teleconference, voice-mail, and Intranet can make us more in touch with each other, or they can keep us antiseptically detached, removed from an awareness that the digital signals we are sending reach and influence another flesh-and-blood human being.

Aware of this tendency, we must actively counteract the drift in this direction by taking an interest in people and opening up ourselves to them in return. We have to remember to invest in people–all of those around us–not just in technology.

The “new normalcy”

Ultimately, we may discover that the current state of flux is permanent. After the events of September 11, Vice President Richard Cheney said we should accept the many resultant changes in daily life as permanent rather than temporary. “Think of them,” he recommended, “as the ‘new normalcy.’”

You should take the same approach to the changes happening at your workplace. These are not temporary adjustments until things get “back to normal.” They are probably the “new normalcy” of your life as a company. The sooner you can accept that these changes are permanent, the better you can cope with them all–and enjoy their positive results.

Notes

1. Nancy J. Barger and Linda K. Kirby, The Challenge of Change in Organizations: Helping Employees Thrive in the New Frontier (Palo Alto, CA: Davies-Black Publ., 1995). This source is summarized in Mary M. Witherspoon, “Coping with Change,” Women in Business 52, 3 (May/June 2000): 22-25.

2. Susan Taylor, “Embracing Change,” Essence (Feb. 2002): 5.

3. Alan J. Rowe and Richard O. Mason, Managing with Style: A Guide to Understanding, Assessing and Improving Decision-Making (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Management Series, 1987) cited in Witherspoon, “Coping with Change.”

4. Emily Friedman, “Creature Comforts,” Health Forum Journal 42, 3 (May/June 1999): 8-11. Futurist John Naisbitt has addressed this tendency in his book, High tech/high touch: Technology and our search for meaning (New York: Random House, 1999). Naisbitt co-wrote this book with his daughter Nana Naisbitt and Douglas Philips.

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Copyright �2006 Steve Singleton
Steve Singleton has written and edited several books and numerous articles. He has been an editor, reporter, and public relations consultant. He has taught college-level Greek, Bible, and religious studies courses and has taught seminars in 11 states and the Caribbean.

Go to his DeeperStudy.com for Bible study resources, no matter what your level of expertise. Explore “The Shallows,” plumb “The Depths,” or use the well-organized “Study Links” for original sources in English translation. Check out the DeeperStudy Bookstore for great e-books, free books, and great discounts. Subscribe to his free “DeeperStudy Newsletter” or “DeeperStudy Blog.”

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