“You can do it if you believe you can.” -Napoleon Hill
Whether you know it or not your beliefs about anything and everything have a direct impact in your life. They say: “Whatever you believe, you’re right.” It doesn’t matter if what you believe doesn’t serve you, or if it’s negative and limiting, if it is what you believe it WILL be how you experience your life.
Whatever you are going through your belief is the cause and how you are living is the effect. Oh, I know, you can argue that you didn’t ask to be fired, or to be left by your partner, or to be treated badly, or to lose your house, or to be in debt etc. But, that doesn’t mean that somewhere in the back of your mind, there isn’t an unconscious fear of, or doubts about or an underlying insecurity that is lying dormant in your mind.
I always say, show me someone’s life, tell me their circumstances and I will tell you what they believe. So it’s time you decide if you are going to let your beliefs define you or if you are going to step up and define your beliefs.
For those of you who I have coached, you well know the number one factor that will make the biggest and most incredible life changing impact in your life; learn to change your thoughts and you WILL change your life. Period.
It truly is the single one thing that you can do for yourself that will make such a huge difference in how you live that you will actually start to believe in magic!
The fact that we think some 60,000 thoughts a day and most of them go unnoticed by us is evidence that we are not in control of what we think about, it’s more like what we think about is in control of us and how we live and how we feel.
So, if the facts are that when you learn to get in tune with your thinking and learn how to flip the script when your thoughts don’t serve you and that you can actually change your life; what are you waiting for? Why aren’t you tripping over yourself to learn how to do this?
Maybe you don’t believe it! (Tongue in cheek.) And if that’s the case, you’re right. But if you want to open your mind to the unlimited possibilities that already exist, if you want to start living the kind of life you never believed in before, if you really want to stop feeling like you do, what do you have to lose by giving it a shot?
On the other hand, if you don’t want to, then by all means keep on doing what you are doing, keep on thinking how you’ve been thinking and don’t change a thing. And, oh by the way, how’s that been working out for you?
I used to set a timer for every 30 minutes and I would stop whatever I was doing and refocus my mind on what I wanted or how I wanted to live, even if only for 5 seconds. But it got me to keep my thoughts focused on what I wanted and NOT on what I didn’t want. And, sometimes if I was really busy, I would simply say, “Thank You for all of my blessings.”
I still use my timer when I feel like I’m drifting down the wrong path. It may seem awkward at first or inconvenient, but the alternative is to do nothing and keep living the same way you’ve always been living and getting the same results.
I can’t tell you how many times people tell me things like: “I can’t stop thinking of him or her. I feel so bad. My life is ruined. I will never get over this. Things never work out for me. I can’t afford to live the way I want. I will never have what I want” And on and on and on.
It’s these self defeating, limiting, negative thoughts that keep you stuck right where you are. Granted it’s normal to have more intense emotions at the onset of any adversity but it’s the constant feeding of your mind with these kinds of thoughts that will keep you mired in a self imposed hell.
But, if you learn to talk to yourself, lift your soul, renew your mind and stop repeating these miserable kinds of thoughts and replace them with those that WILL change your life, you will be sending me flowers when you start to live in a new way.
Instead, send yourself flowers and be happy again, believe in a better future, be grateful for your blessings, have faith and trust that life is a process and it’s the “thoughts” you hold on the inside that will reflect how you will live on the outside.
Susan Russo is an author and coach whose work has inspired people from all over the world to take back their power! Would you like to empower yourself to do the same? Discover Susan’s 7 Keys to unlock your power and sign in for her Free report.
Often, when we think of addictions, we think of drastic, dire situations where someone is unable to control their desire to use drugs or alcohol. We may picture a person who is homeless, or living in squalor, or just downright miserable. Well, while those images may be real, the truth is-we all have a tendency toward addictive behavior.
I believe that everyone is addicted to something. We all have our own issues, and it is the way that we deal with them that generally creates these behaviors (or tendencies). It is within all of us to live resourceful lives, or, conversely, to live non-resourceful lives.
This is not to say that alcoholism and/or drug addiction is not a disease. What we are looking at is the common, yet unique way, we all have of dealing with life and applying coping mechanisms into our behaviors and then exhibiting dysfunctional habits.
When we are living our life experience, we have learned (usually in our formative years) how to feel safe. We learn what “safe” is; our interpretation of “safe”, that is. Meaning that through our perceptions, belief systems, values, etc., we determine for ourselves how it feels to “feel good”.
When we do not feel good, we desire to feel good. At this point, we try things (either things we remember learning-consciously or subconsciously) that will help us to feel good. Sometimes, we try things that we’ve never tried before, as well.
Now, if the action that we took makes us feel better or “good”, we have learned a way to feel “safe”. Internally, unconsciously, we begin to associate this action (or behavior) with feeling better. So, the next time that we do not feel safe, we take this action again.
Soon, it becomes a habit. And, as the habit is created, so the addiction is fed. And it grows and grows, seemingly on its own-until we are truly addicted to something.
As previously stated, addictions do not need to be reserved only for drugs and alcohol. Some people are addicted to: television, reading, walking, exercise, eating, smoking (guess there’s a drug in there), the internet, celebrities, relationships (not wanting to feel “alone”), driving, coffee (another drug?), etc.
Let’s say that you are feeling down and you take a long walk. After the long walk, you feel a lot better. So, the next time you feel down, you, once again, take a walk. And, again, you feel better. You unconsciously begin to associate easing yourself back into your comfort zone with walking.
Then, you decide (perhaps unconsciously) to beat the system and take the walk BEFORE you feel down. So, you start walking. Next thing you know, you have a pile of laundry, a sink full of dishes, and a messy house. But, you feel that you have done great things because you aren’t feeling down.
Yes, you are back in your comfort zone. And, you are not feeling down. However, the threshold in your life for whatever stress it was that created the feeling in the first place is still at the same level. If something were to happen to stop you from being able to walk, you would not be able to deal with that stress resourcefully.
Those thresholds that we have within us can be considered as boundaries of our comfort zone. When we are outside of that comfort zone, we feel uncomfortable. Unless you learn to stretch and expand your abilities, that threshold will remain the same.
Another point to consider when looking at these coping mechanisms or strategies is that of awareness. You are probably not even aware (or conscious) of what it is that you are doing when you are taking these actions that “relieve” the stress. You just know that you feel okay.
When you can become aware of what it is that you are doing, and WHY you are doing it, you can observe (internally) your internal representations and change them for the better. In other words, you can create a new reality for yourself and expand your comfort zone, thereby raising your threshold for stresses in your life.
The basis for this explanation lies in the tendency we all have to become unaware of what we are doing and, more importantly, what we are thinking. As you have gone through your life, you have learned belief systems, values, and certain coping strategies (that can be tied to “coping mechanisms”). These internal representations of your world and your life experience, determine, to a large degree, what is going on in your life.
So, for example, when you have learned a strategy that whenever you feel sad, you can take a long walk and feel “better”, you are implementing the coping mechanism. At this point, it is not harmful. It does become harmful when you rely on the mechanism or strategy to make you feel “better”. Then, you have to take a long walk to feel “better”-perhaps, you may even reach the point where you only feel happy when you take long walks.
Being aware, observing your thoughts and actions, and raising your thresholds will all help to alleviate the tendency to gravitate toward an addictive behavior or action.
It has long been my contention that eating disorders are chronic, stress-related conditions where people, oftentimes at a very young age, begin to use eating disordered behaviors as a way of coping with stress in their lives. Initially many of these people discover that the eating disorder works quite well for them. In most cases they have never had the opportunity to learn healthy coping strategies.
Researchers have defined three kinds of coping: problem-focused, emotion-focused, and perception-focused coping. The skills and responses a person uses in times of stress may be different depending on how severely they are stressed.
When an individual uses problem-focused coping, they will take direct action on their surroundings or themselves to remove or attempt to change the threat. A person will use emotion-focused coping when he or she uses actions or thoughts to control unpleasant feelings brought on by the threat. When a person uses cognitive attempts to reduce or alter the severity of a threat, he or she is using perception-focused coping.
Another way of regarding coping strategies is to look at approach coping and avoidance coping. An individual who utilizes approach coping skills is someone who will usually take direct action to deal with the situation that is creating stress. Someone who is uses avoidance strategies is someone who will go to any lengths to avoid the situation or person who is creating stress in their lives.
Those individuals with excellent social resources will tend to rely more on approach coping than avoidance coping. Individuals who have sufficient support from family and friends will rely less on avoidance coping methods and rely more on approach coping methods. Ot makes sense to me that if I have something stressful happen in my life that things will be better if I take action and deal with it rather than avoiding it!
Coping skills include information gathering, stopping a certain behavior or action, and using cognitive coping skills that can change the way the person looks at the problem. Coping skills have been defined as learned resourcefulness or a set of skills which a person uses to control certain internal events that might cause him or her unwanted pain, feelings, or fear.
Here are some healthy and effective coping skills that anyone can use:
· Boost your self-esteem by becoming involved in activities that interest you. Discover your passion!
· Go online and talk with an online friend.
· Imagine yourself in a safe place where you do not need to think about doing anything that is harmful to yourself.
· Make a list of positive affirmations. Pick one, look at yourself in the mirror and say if morning and night for 21 days. The affirmation will become a part of you!
· Get a massage. You can get pretty inexpensive massages at any school that teaches massage.
· Walk your dog or play with you cat.
· Make a list of some nice things you would like to do for your friends.
· Think about taking some classes or doing something to help you discover your passion.
· Tell your parent, husband, partner, or friend that you love them.
· Make a list of what you are grateful for. This is tough when you are stressed, but if you write it down, the act of writing will help!
Learning effective coping skills can change your life!
Jeanne Rust, PhD is the CEO and Founder of Mirasol, a treatment program for women and teens with anorexia, bulimia, obesity, and binge eating disorder. Her treatment philosophy is integrative combining the best of the medical model of treatment with the most effective alternative ones. Learn more about eating disorders at http://www.mirasol.net
For most people, the holidays are a time of joy and celebration. For those suffering from alcoholism, though, they’re an inevitable, unavoidable, dreaded situation. Even recovering alcoholics who have been sober for 10+ years still get anxious at the thought of being in the presence of their own personal poison. One sip and it can all come crashing down.
This is often why some people suffering from alcoholism avoid social situations during the holidays. Interestingly enough, others feel even more vulnerable this time of the year when they’re alone and feeling at the mercy of their cravings. So how is it that a person who is struggling with alcoholism can get through the holidays and actually enjoy them?
First and foremost, it’s important to remember that alcoholism is not something you are ever fully “healed” from. Sobriety is a day-to-day recommitment you must make with yourself for the rest of your life. With that said, daily reaffirmations are huge. Each day you wake up, you should look in the mirror, and vow to maintain sobriety throughout the day, no matter how difficult the cravings may be. This is called self-intentionalizing and can be done not just once but multiple times a day as a way of declaring your personal goals and vowing to achieve them.
Just as self-intentionalizing is a way of being personally accountable to yourself, having the support of a loved one who can keep you accountable can work wonders. This should be someone very close to you who understands your personal battle with alcoholism and won’t hesitate to quietly intervene. This can be a sister, brother, or a best friend, but preferably someone you can call at any time to help you. You can even have multiple people to help you with this. If you’re going to a holiday party, ask this person to accompany you. You may feel like a burden for asking people to take time out of their day to help you, and you certainly shouldn’t latch yourself onto a person (we all have lives), but you’ll be amazed at how many people are willing to help you through these especially tough times.
Power of Resistance
It may not seem like it at first, but each time you say “no” to the urges to drink you are building endurance. You are regaining control. You are reclaiming power that the alcohol has possessed over you. And the more you say “no,” the easier it gets to keep doing it. You’ll gain momentum in your quest for sobriety and you’ll gain self confidence knowing that you can resist these cravings in the future.
Don’t Put Yourself in “Harm’s Way”
Just as you wouldn’t stand close to a fire wearing a flannel or wool shirt, you should not put yourself in situations where you’re in close proximity to alcohol at a party. If it’s in the kitchen or back fridge, stay in the living room or family room. Mingle with guests on the couch, go out back for some fresh air. Keep a glass or bottle of water with you at all times. Take deep breaths. Chew gum if you have to. See if there’s a football game you can watch on TV with the other guests. See if the host or hostess would like you to lead the group in a board game or gift exchange. The key is shifting your attention before the cravings arise and not making the alcohol a focus.
I have personal experience of addiction and its effects, and felt it would be useful to share them with the community. If people are made aware of the creeping, insidious nature of all forms of addiction, then steps can be taken early, preventing the illness that is addiction from becoming chronic. I will be looking at three areas; recognising addiction, (particularly in its early stages), managing an addiction, and finally, overcoming an addiction.
A popular misconception, even amongst addicts, is that an addiction has to be chronic before it is seen as an addiction. This is not true, there is always a discernible route to addiction, and the sufferer will often have been addicted for a lot longer than he or she thinks. I once heard an addict say when looking back over his life, ‘I could see the wreckage, but I could not see the elephant.’ What he meant was the elephant of addiction had been rampaging through his life for a lot longer than he first thought. The man who goes to the pub after work every night, despite knowing it upsets his partner, is showing addictive behaviour; putting your habit before loved ones is a sure sign of a nascent addiction.
Having established that addictions have generally been in place for longer than the sufferer thinks, we begin to understand how much time and effort it will take to beat an addiction. As a rule of thumb, I would suggest that the length of an addiction is the same as the time it takes to beat an addiction. This means that once an addiction is recognised, there has to be a period of addiction management before the addiction is challenged. This period allows the sufferer to see how far into their lives the tendrils of their illness have reached, and to make sensible plans to fight their addiction. Managing an addiction means bringing it into the open, a crucial step in defeating an addiction.
Overcoming even a minor addiction is a lengthy process, and should be undertaken with a high level of commitment from the addict and those supporting them. Nowadays addiction is recognised as an illness, and there are support groups for almost every type of addiction. However, the fight against addiction has to start with the addict. This can be the hardest part of the process, as the addiction will have embedded itself into the fabric of the addict’s life, making itself almost invisible to the sufferer. A recovering alcoholic once told me of an argument he had had with his partner in the street, and how the can of strong lager he had drunk just before had calmed him. At the time he took this to be alcohol having a positive effect. It was only when he realised that were alcohol not in his life, he would not be arguing with his partner in the first place, that he began to address his addiction.
It is never too early or too late to address destructive behaviour and the fact that you are reading this suggests you are probably concerned about aspects of your current lifestyle. It has never been easier, with the advent of the Internet, to reach out and find help with your addiction. There is no need to feel isolated, share your problems and you are on the road to beating them.
Nick Houghton http://www.dearfriend.co.uk is the place where you can ask a question and the world can answer. Sometimes friends or family give bad advice, they are too close to the situation or you think your question within your close group is best left unasked.
Here you can ask anything you like, keep it real and you will get feedback on anything you ask from either a person who has just visited or from one of our best friends who is a regular advice giver. So feel welcome and hopefully find the answer to all your problems. For further information on dealing with addiction go to http://www.dearfriend.co.uk
William McDougall was one amongst the earlier psychologists who gave a psychological treatment of gratitude as an emotion in his outline of Psychology. Not everyone can feel grateful for the things they already possess. However, we know that only men and women who are grateful live a blessed life.
Last week, I was teaching bunch of highly intelligent foreign language students, and one of them asked me what is the opposite of gratitude; ‘ingratitude’ ? the question engaged the whole class in the discussion of gratitude. after a hot debate, group 1 decided that the opposite of gratitude is ‘envy’, group 2 decided that the opposite is simply ‘resentment’.
Take for example the commandments or sins. Indeed, when one observes the 7 deadly sins, one also realize that these sins as clinical symptoms, such as greed, excess of pleasures, conceit, lust, anger, idleness and envy, are all vices. Melanie Klein in her booklet in which she describes ‘envy’ deriving from a construct of emotion with which “they are pertinent psychological reasons why envy ranks among the seven “deadly sins” she describes with certainty that envy is the worst sin that is; for all other sins are sins only against one virtue, whereas envy is against all virtue and against all goodness” (Klein, 1957, p. 189).
Gratitude is an antidote for the general health and wellness to allow us to live a blessed life. I want to help you understand gratitude not only from a scientific or academic level, but also from a practical construction of one’s action to remedy the functioning of our emotion, so that we continue to live a blessed life.
The best way to apply gratitude is by daily linguistic affirmations. you could record things that you are grateful for, rather than taking everything and everyone for granted. Remember, if your life is worth living, it is worth recording.
So keep a journal of the things you are grateful for. you could write one sentence daily in your journal. you could repeat the five sentences out loud, and listen to them for a period of 4 weeks, and then, observe how your level of happiness increases. This will confirm your feelings about the validity of the application of gratitude to help you expand your creativity, increase your energy, and from there you start to invoke one of the greatest laws of the universe, and that is the law of infinite creativity. Gratitude is the key to help us unleash our creative process. Hate, and anger block the creative process and inhibit our rights to happiness, gratitude unlock the genius within.
The benefits of gratitude are a marvel. Positive psychologists tested their subject over a period of time, and discovered that people are reporting extraordinary beneficial results from the practice of gratitude and other psychological tools described in my upcoming books.
People who undergone the psychological experiment reported having received beneficial results in the area of increase mental happiness, normalization of blood pressure, improved performance, and emotional stability.
In psychology, you will discover how gratitude is becoming the antidote for human flourishing, and it is one part of the psychological component that you must really understand, and implement. If you are familiar with the great psychologist, Abraham Maslow Pyramid of hierarchy of needs, Self-actualization model refer to when a person reaches this actual model, lives in a state of gratitude, and enjoys a blessed life.
You can start feeling grateful for everything right here, right now.
We live in a world of duality
The good and bad
The negative and positive
Dark and light
And when you think about it, really think for a minute, that you have dual choices, the choice to be grateful and reap the rewards for a life time, or choose to be envious, or ungrateful, and suffer the consequences. The choice is always yours, it is free! No tax, no VAT, what a blessing.
This day is a gift
I am spontaneous
I am light, glorious light
I leap in faith, all is well
I am so grateful
Experiment with the above sentences of power, speak what you want to feel, speak what you want to become, speak with passion, charisma, and love.
Andre Zizi is someone of deeply caring spirit. He is cognitive mentor, philosopher, who loves helping people reach their dream goals, in health, academic or business
Andre Zizi is a philosophy graduate,
Author – The Spiritual Psychology of the Science of Money-phology
Qualified teacher, and a writer. He is an Independent neuroscience/ neuropsychology researcher, a mentor and counsellor with Neuro-Linguistic-Programming diploma
If you require assistance by phone, email or face to face mentoring, please send an enquiry to email@example.com
One of the key components to hope is the ability to look for options every step of the way. The alternatives you’re looking for may be related to treatment, emotional attachments, attitude, or spiritual acceptance. Every creative person at one point in their life has been involved in brainstorming as a way to get the creative juices flowing. It’s that energy that gives you the energy you need to continue coming up with options when facing a health challenge.
The key to brainstorming is to unlock the inhibitions we all have regarding our own ideas. The key to a good brainstorming session is to allow everyone involved the freedom to express themselves without restriction, criticism, or self-doubt. The glory of brainstorming comes after the session when you realize the unlimited capacity for answers to your questions that arises from the collaborative efforts with friends, family, and even providers.
The trouble for some is that instead of brainstorming they view their diagnosis from the victim’s role and begin a blame-storming session. It’s about finding the fault in all aspects of the illness journey. As this person spends their time spinning their wheels blaming the world, opportunities for health and healing are passing them by with no chance of benefiting from what they have to offer. The blame-storming session gives the patient the license to be obstinate, combative, and often very angry. Do you really believe that anger is the magic elixir for health and healing?
The problem is that blame-storming is an easy place to reside. It means you don’t have to take responsibility for any aspect of your health. Blame-storming gives you the ultimate card in the martyr deck. If you’re good at blame-storming, it’s easy to get others to buy into your blame sessions, providing an opening for those “poor me” sessions to evolve. Blame-storming holds you back at a point in your life when forward should be the only direction you desire and accept.
Don’t become one of “those” patients the ones where the medical staff sees you name on the appointment schedule and is bummed out by the appearance of your name. Don’t become one of “those” patients who runs around doubting every aspect of your care. Don’t become one of “those” patients by settling for anything but enormous opportunities for health progression, not health regression. Brainstorming is a freeing experience and provides you with unlimited opportunities for exploration of your inner and outer worlds.
Want to learn other strategies for increasing your health and healing quotient? Get your FREE copy of the special report “The 5 Pillars of Health and Healing”. As a bonus I’d like to offer you the multimedia program “Instilling Hope for Health”. Want to benefit from my experience with illness and twenty years of working with clients who have been diagnosed? Get your FREE report and multimedia program at http://www.survivingstrong.com
Designing a passionate life is a continuous process and there will be highs and lows along the way. Have you been really in the flow of living passionately and then there is either a bump or a roadblock that appears before you? I know I have and my first reaction is, I should be passionate about my life every day. That is a big load to carry and really easy to get into the ‘shame on me’ mode.
Life is a rhythm and the secret is to be able to recognize when you are in a low time and give yourself space, loving care, and fun. The low times are a signal to you that you are not in the flow at the moment; you are in some sort of negative mental, emotional, or physical state. In other words you are in a contracted state, and it’s time to take a break.
For some of us, the only way that we can give ourselves a break is if we get sick. That is not the optimum type of break to take. When you take time out, you want to be able to enjoy it. So the key is to recognize the symptoms early on and give yourself a break before you get sick or develop resistance to living your passions. The harder you push yourself the worse things are going to get. Have you ever experienced this? What happened when you continued to move forward?
My experience is that it was hard to move forward because I “willed” myself through the tasks at hand and they didn’t turn out nearly as well as they would have if I had been more in the flow. I didn’t enjoy myself in the process, and it felt hard and unfulfilling.
Signals for low times may include:
* You are not inspired to take action
* You have absolutely no creative ideas
* You don’t get excited about living your passion
* You are thinking about what you don’t have
* The idea of taking action feels heavy
Make a list of the signals that come up for you when you reach a low spot or roadblock. Learn to recognize these signals and immediately plan a break. Walk outside, meditate, spend time with family or loved ones, enjoy your hobby, or read. Do whatever re-energizes and reconnects you to your inner guide. You’ll know what these activities are for you.
Schedule a meeting in your day planner to spend some time with yourself doing one of your favorite activities. This can help to even out some of those highs and lows. Remember, live is a journey and the idea is to enjoy the journey and live passionately.
I wonder what would happen if you were able to identify your passions and start living in alignment with them? I offer tips and methods for living passionately on my blog. I’d like to invite you to receive my free Passion Deficit Disorder (PDD) Report and find out why passion is so important in your life and what you can do about it. You can get your instant access at http://www.DesigningAPassionateLife.com
Melanie Brocklehurst, the guest on last week's Self Improvement Show, brought to our attention the plight of little girls in Nepal and Tibet. (If you didn't hear the show, it's worth listening to - click the video above and hear what Melanie has to say.)It is an opportunity for you to help someone … [Read More...]
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This morning when I started working on this blog, I opened the Dashboard, as usual, to deal with the comments. Often I get great comments about the articles I've posted. Occasionally, I get comments by someone who thought the article was wrong, needed changing, or just didn't measure up. I welcome … [Read More...]
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