One of the great barriers to becoming the best you can be is feeling anger and resentment toward someone you believe has done you wrong.
It’s particularly hard to forgive someone when the person who caused you pain does not appear to have any regret or remorse for hurting you. You think, “Why should I forgive someone who isn’t sorry?” You might imagine the hurtful event over and over. With each recall, do you find yourself building more bitterness and rage?
Like most people who feel victimized, you probably wonder how they could do this to you and may even imagine taking revenge on them. Some part of you thinks that by feeling bad and imagining terrible things for the person who injured you, somehow you are hurting them in return. You use your anger to stab back at them.
“In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior.”
Sir Francis Bacon
Take a different stand on anger and resentment toward those that try to harm you. Do not give them power over you. Forgive them and feel a strength from offering your forgiveness. Know that you are a better and stronger person because you have within you the capacity to believe that no one can truly harm you, unless you allow it.
“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.”
- Marcus Aurelius -
By harboring anger, hostility, and resentment you are causing more damage to yourself than the actual incident that you allowed yourself to feel bad about in the first place. By staying angry and bitter, you are giving up your power.
“To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.”
- Confucius -
Being wronged is only as bad as you allow it to be. It only harms you as long as you hold the pain of it in your memory. Don’t give others the power to continually do you wrong by allowing yourself to play it over and over in your mind.
You may think that forgiving them will benefit them, and because you feel such anger and hostility, the last thing you want to do is let them off the hook with forgiveness. This is flawed thinking. You must remember that you’re not necessarily forgiving them for their benefit, you’re forgiving them for your benefit.
The sooner you replace your thoughts of any hurtful event with thoughts of forgiveness, the better and stronger you will feel. As you better and stronger, the more quickly you will be able to move toward what you really want to experience.
Before taking the next step toward your prosperous future, identify any anger, hostility, or resentment you feel toward others. Whether or not you think they deserve it, forgive them. Do it for your sake.
The pain may be either too fresh in your mind or have been harbored for so long that it is difficult to feel true forgiveness. But like you use repetition to learn a new skill, or repeated affirmations to formulate a new belief, you may need to practice forgiving by restating your forgiveness over and over for a period of time.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
- Mohandas Gandhi -
As you forgive and remind yourself of the forgiveness you are offering, you will feel a sense of relief and power. Then, you will be in the right state of mind to move forward. You will stop living in the past. You will have shed all of those negative feelings, and in doing so, you will be in a far greater position to pursue and achieve what you want to experience in your life.
Remember that anger and resentment prevent you from doing and being your best. Today is the day to let it all go and begin feeling the strength that comes from a forgiving heart. You have the power to forgive. Do it for you.
It’s no secret that if you want to learn how to freely love fully and generously you have to be willing to learn how to forgive.
Most people know that forgiveness may not always come easily and that it may be difficult to let go of a past hurt or disappointment in either yourself or someone else.
Yet, did you know that as you connect with the unconditional love and acceptance of God that is within you, more and more you will be ready to forgive and more importantly move on with your life.
Believe me when you begin with God, you are actually able to experience the transformational power of love in action.
Any previous discomfort you may have felt is fading away now as you find peace within conflict. Overtime you might even begin to notice how there is growth where previously all there had been was stagnation. And as you absorb all this information you’ll notice how compassion is beginning to replace any sense of anger or guilt that you may have had.
While thinking about this you can become more and more receptive to the fact that God is with you in each and every moment of each and every situation.
Word by word you see that forgiveness fees your heart, mind, and spirit as you begin again to fully express love and acceptance for yourself and others always.
You can enjoy whatever experiences you are feeling right now as you learn how to forgive others and yourself in more empowering ways.
What’s more you will also be glad to know that when you meditate on a daily basis you will actually be cultivating your ability to forgive and let go in so many different ways. And day by day as you meditate more and more you’ll find yourself no longer wasting your energy on your inability to forgive and move on.
I wonder, even as you continue to read this article, if you are letting thoughts such as you are too old or too young to meditate slip into your mind. Maybe, you don’t think you are spiritual enough or have the patience to meditate on a daily basis.
Regardless of what you are thinking now it will be very interesting for you to discover for yourself that the practice of Yoga Nidra is a guided meditation technique that is so advanced it is actually simple.
The practice of Yoga Nidra can be experienced while lying down on your back or in a comfortable seated position and what’s more it is so easy and effective that even children have grown to learn the experience of meditating on a daily basis with the practice of Yoga Nidra.
Thaddeus Ferguson has dedicated himself to the cause of helping people heal themselves first in order to help heal the world during this amazing time of transformation.
The practice of Meditation is just one of the many powerful tools that you can use in order to help Heal You First.
To me, there is. When we hate something or someone, that provokes an array of feelings inside. Those feelings are a sign that something is not good. Big news, huh? I’m not a doctor in medicine but I do know they start an internal chain reaction that end in all sort of illnesses, be them emotional or physical (more often than not). They are a sign of resistance.
We are all scared of changes. We would love our lives to remain predictable so we don’t have to adjust each time to new situation but that’s simply not how life is designed. When we encounter challenges, our body and mind go into alert mode: there is something that doesn’t fit with how we constructed our view of the world.
The healthier and more difficult thing to do would be to work over that challenge, see if it presents an opportunity to better ourselves and if it doesn’t, at least don’t let it stay inside of us.
Instead, what we do most often is to find ourselves ruminating about all the negative aspects it has, all the negative impact it is going to have, how much we’ll deviate from our programmed path and so on. Have you heard that you get what you focus on the most? The more we ruminate about it, the more we focus on it, the more of the negative aspects we get only to start ruminating about it once more and repeat the cycle. Over time, it becomes that visceral feeling we call “hate”. We hate our job, our boss, our workplace, our house etc. We end up getting sick and we add more excuses our our “right” to hate.
What’s the good use then? When we realize we’re inside this cycle, we can stop and think about the cause of our unrest. What is it that we’re resisting? Is there a way to change that resistance into acceptance? Could it be that what we’re resisting can actually make us go forward? Can we capitalize on the situation and make it work for us?
And if we can’t change it and it’s still negative, do we really need to focus and devote so much attention into it? Is there anything else that we could focus on? Usually, when we consciously focus on something more positive, we tend to start shifting our energy. When we do that, our overall life improves. Maybe at first you will have to force yourself to focus on something more positive. When I was really sick last year, I had episodes of acute pain that lasted for hours. At first I would just go something like “I wish the pain would stop, why doesn’t it stop, what can I do/take to make it stop” and dwell upon the fact that I was feeling a lot of pain and that my sickness was because of the stress produced by the people I had to work with who to me where doing all they could to make my life miserable. All that added even more stress to the pain I
felt. It wasn’t until I shifted my focus from pain to whatever else (I would force myself to think of the most trivial things like planning the weekly menu during these episodes) that I started to improve.
So, in a short time after thinking of positive things, we find ourselves focusing less and less into the cause of our hate. One day it no longer has power over us. Then is when we start seeing more possibilities and figure how it can work in our advantage.
When we’re free of hatred, our life is lighter and we’re finally able to see the good things around us that we couldn’t see before.
Claudia Juarez [http://www.motivationemergency.com] BA, Motivation & Career Coach, teaches professionals how to be happier in their lives and jobs from the inside-out through a unique approach to motivation. Discover the 2 THINGS that will recession proof your life at: www.MotivationEmergency.com [http://www.motivationemergency.com]
Next to love, forgiveness is the most misunderstood concept. Forgiveness has been twisted by a lack of awareness as to how it functions. To forgive does not mean we must rejoin with our ex-lovers, free criminals from prisons, return to old jobs or anything else absurd. We are taught to believe that if we are to forgive the one who hurt us, it must manifest in some form of behavior and it reflects weakness.
Forgiveness is a function of love that seeks to understand the negative impact of another person and then to release the pain and find inner peace. When you choose to forgive somebody this does not mean that you acknowledge their cruel behavior as acceptable, for doing this would be dishonest. Above all, it does not mean that we assume a superior (holier than thou) attitude to pardon the sins others.
Let’s explore the truth of forgiveness. The meaning of the verb forgive, translates into “to let go”, which is the act of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the release (letting go) of negative feelings generated in you by another. It is your responsibility to let go of the hurt that another produces for you. The other person can apologize to you for their negative impact, but you still have to let go of the hurt feelings in order for forgiveness to become a healing experience.
What makes forgiveness so difficult, for so many? The greatest obstacle in the living of our life is the negative ego, which loves to hold onto a grudge and is our greatest source of resistance toward forgiveness. Our negative ego is what blocks our happiness and peace of mind. We hold within us grudges, bitterness and resentment which later manifest into stress, ulcers and poor health conditions. Ultimately, we have a choice to support our EGO or our SOUL, to be RIGHT or find PEACE.
Forgiveness like all other soul qualities (peace, love, innocence, respect, oneness, and passion) does not require a type of behavior. It begins with a relinquishing of emotional baggage and the choice to function from your Soul versus your negative ego. Forgiveness is a willingness to perceive everyone, including yourself, as either feeling and expressing love or perceiving it’s absence, and having a need for more love. It is a relinquishing of a harmful train of thought that leads to constricting feelings. Forgiveness offers freedom to live a full and harmonious life.
The bi-product of forgiveness, is our own willingness and ability to forget. If we can not seem to forget then we have never completely let go. Holding on to pain only weaken us and produces misery. The purpose of forgetting is to prevent the mind from becoming a battle field. Negative feelings evaporate whenever they are looked at calmly and honestly and are dealt with responsibly. Often this process is gradual. The desire to function from your Soul (love) and to live your life in peace is the greatest motivation for forgiving another.
If you feel that forgiving adds one more grudging obligation to your life, you are functioning from your negative ego. Understanding that forgiveness is the doorway to your happiness and is the choice to function with love. When you are attacked by another, you must first deal with the hurt feelings that you honestly feel. Forgiveness is not a short cut to avoid dealing with the negative impact of your emotions. Too many try to forgive without releasing their anger and hurt. That common mistake only represses the anger and it putrefies into resentment down the road.
A great habit to cultivate is to pause whenever you are having difficulty releasing an upset from your mind. Look directly, and in detail at the contents of your thoughts. Dissect your emotions. Step back from them for a moment and gain new perspective. Write them down in a journal to gain deeper clarity. And give yourself time to forgive, it doesn’t have to be instantaneous, but know it is necessary to your happiness and peace.
A person who claims they “love everyone equally” and are never hurt by others are not more spiritually evolved, but more likely emotionally repressed. To be a spiritual, doesn’t mean you have to like the ego of everyone that crosses your path, for you would then become transparent and lose your individuality. Liking somebody and letting go of someone’s negative impact upon you are two completely different issues.
Steps to Forgiveness:
1. Release the Charged Emotions: Take a legal pad and write at the top of the page, the person you wish to forgive. Write out all your feelings about the situation that you are forgiving. Release the anger, hurt, frustration or any feelings you have due to this experience. Take your time and feel your words as you write them down.
2. Forgive Yourself: Close your eyes and relax. Mentally repeat, I forgive myself for allowing myself to be hurt/disappointed by this experience with _________ (person’s name).
3. Express Your Emotions Meditatively: While you are still meditating begin to express your thoughts and feelings to the person you are forgiving. Let them know how much it has hurt you and how upset you are by their actions. If you are so angry you want to hit them, then do it (IMAGINATIVELY) express your pent up emotions within your imagination.
NOTE: Your intention is to release the feelings around this person and to forgive them. That is where the energy will go towards. You will not be sending this person negative energy unless that is your intention.
4. Forgive Them: With your eyes still closed, sense a light coming down from above you. It is a warm healing light that surrounds you and creates a safe environment for forgiveness. Visualize the person you wish to forgive, and see them inside the light. Mentally tell them, I forgive you for hurting/disappointing me in this way. Mentally reaffirm what you are forgiving them for. Then release them into the light.
When you finally understand that you can generate the healing of forgiveness, by choice. It will never happen until you take full responsibility for every facet of your life and your relationships with others. When you stop looking for love, security and peace outside yourself, and discover it within, you are finally set free and the magic of forgiveness has worked it’s spell.
Michaiel Patrick Bovenes is an author, professional speaker and self empowerment teacher. Since 1994, he is the author of a popular series of guided visualization meditations called, “Soul-utions”. Michaiel lives in San Francisco, CA and teaches throughout the USA and Canada.
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