“Good habits are hard to develop but easy to live with” and “Bad habits are easy to develop but hard to live with”, according to Brian Tracey, a well-known motivational teacher. You may recognize that to successfully manage habit changes, breaking bad habits may be required in order to develop new ones.
Breaking bad habits takes at least 21 days. Of course, in difficult cases, it can take as long as a year. Here’s an example of the process of how to change an unhealthy habit to a healthy habit. Suppose you’ve decided that coffee is not good for you and right now, you drink coffee with sugar daily. The new habit you would like to institute is to drink herbal tea without sugar.
At first, it may be challenging to break the bad habit of drinking coffee. You will have to use self-discipline for the first few weeks but gradually it will get easier. Once you are able to change the old habit to a new healthier one, it will serve you very well. Habits are remarkable because they don’t require thinking. You just “do it” for years until you find yourself changing the habit again.
Here are 5 easy steps for changing habits:
1. Awareness: You must become aware of your habits. What is this habit exactly? How is this bad habit or group of bad habits affecting you? How is this habit affecting others? For example, smoking often has negative effects on others as well as on you.
2. Wanting to Change: As someone with a health problem, you must decide that breaking bad habits through a conscious effort is a worthy goal. You must convince yourself that the change in the habit is worth the effort involved.
3. Commitment: You must be determined to do whatever it takes for breaking bad habits so that you can better control your life. You make a decision that “no matter what” you will change the habit. You do the work required to stop. Here are some examples of habits you might want to change: Smoking, eating too much, eating processed foods, not exercising, drinking coffee or other beverages with caffeine in them, eating too much sugar or fat, drinking alcohol, procrastinating, etc.
4. Consistent Action: It is important to focus on changing just one habit at a time. Then, take consistent daily actions for breaking the bad habit that has been causing problems and take the actions to develop a new one. We suggest doing this process one step at a time rather than trying to do it all at once. Sometimes changing a habit can be done “cold turkey” like smoking and sometimes it works better to make a gradual change.
Be sure to give yourself positive rewards often for taking small actions toward changing a bad habit. Continual day-by-day actions are what are critical. This is NOT about an occasional action or step. It is about being consistent every day.
5. Perseverance: There will be times when you question whether it is all worth it. You’ll say to yourself that breaking these bad habits is too difficult; that you are too “weak” to change. Your old self, often so comfortable living with the bad habits, is trying to hold on. Breaking your old patterns may require meditation and prayer.
Visualize regularly the rewards for following through and the costs of not following through on breaking the bad habits and especially the value to your future of building new better habits.
Get support from others, especially other people who want to make changes in their lives and read about people who have been successful in breaking bad habits. Affirm that, no matter what, you will not backslide into your old bad habit patterns.
Now, you are armed with a 5-step process for breaking any bad habit or other condition that requires changing. If you have an addiction to something such as alcohol, these steps alone may not be enough. You may require additional professional help or a support group, but for most cases this 5-step process will do the trick!
Whatever you focus on expands. To feel joy think thoughts that let you feel joyful. Simple, yes? Ah, here comes the challenge-you cannot think joyous thoughts now and then during the day. You must think joyous thoughts most of the day to live in a joyful state.
You want to continue this new behavior until you establish the habit of feeling joyful. Yes, living in joy is a habit you can create. What is so good about habits? You do them without thinking. They become automatic–operating out of your awareness.
Think about learning to drive a car. You had to learn how to start the car, shift gears, use the brake and accelerator, etc. You focused your mind continually, monitoring every aspect of making that car move and stop safely. You paid attention at 100%–no cell phone conversation, etc.
In time your driving became automatic. Now you just get in, start the motor and off you go. You can talk with others (cell phones still pose safety questions for drivers) and eat and still drive safely, right?
The same holds true for creating a new behavior. First you repeat it over and over until it becomes a habit.
The more you think and therefore feel joy in your life, the easier it becomes to stay in those thoughts and produce that kind of energy. Your emotions and muscles wire together. In fact, neural networks form “tying” together joyful feelings with joyful thoughts. Your physical body will also assume certain postures that get wired into those Joy Networks.
Every time you think, feel or perform an action that triggers part of that network, guess what-the entire Joy Network kicks into action! Soon (for most people that period is about 28 days) joyful thinking replaces your old habits that left you feeling crummy at worst and ho hum at best.
Twenty-eight days. Hmm. is your well being worth making a concentrated effort for twenty-eight days? You see, you will not have to wait twenty-eight days for your world to look different or for good things to happen regularly. In fact, that shift will happen the very first day you apply attention to how you feel and shift into joy whenever you slip away from it.
Goals you would like to achieve or problems you would like to solve are really like puzzles. You know what you want the outcome to look like much like looking at the picture on the box tells you where the center, corners and border pieces of the puzzle will all end up, after the puzzle is together.
There are multiple ways to put a puzzle together and each of those ways works for the person using it. Some puzzlers put together the borders first. Others start with a central image. Many start working with corners. Still others dive in and put together any of the pieces they clearly see fit together without focusing on any specific section. Each of these ways work.
Each of the puzzlers knows what their puzzle looks like and if they don’t know, the system they use will help them figure it out. However, each puzzler also knows that without the image on the box, it’s going to take them longer to put the puzzle together.
How Is Setting and Achieving Goals Like a Puzzle?
Setting and achieving goals starts with lots of small parts just like a puzzle. You have to connect the parts to achieve the goal. If you don’t know what your goal looks like, how will you find the parts that fit and connect them? If you are trying to achieve a goal that is completely unfamiliar or too far away from your current skills, then setting short term goals, much like putting together corners, borders, or centers, for a puzzle, will have to be set and connected first.
It is always the small parts that make up a large and complex puzzle. Setting and achieving short terms goals helps build confidence and helps you achieve large and complex goals faster. No one, other than you can, create the image you want for your finished puzzle. And you can’t start putting the puzzle together until you have a clear idea of how you would like your finished puzzle to look.
Asking yourself these questions will help you connect the smaller pieces.
How clear are you on your goal?
Do you know the parts needed to reach your goal?
Do you know the steps needed to put the parts together?
Can you do the steps needed to put the parts together?
Do you know someone who can do the steps needed to put the parts together?
If you can answer these questions with a yes, you are ready to put together your puzzle and achieve your goals. If not, it’s time to set the short term goal of getting clear.
You can’t start putting the puzzle together until you have a clear idea of how your finished puzzle will look even if you only imagine it, so how do you get clear?
Congratulations, you’ve just set your first goal, getting clear on what you want your goal to look like.
How easy was that?
As you move forward your self confidence will grow and you’ll be putting together million piece puzzles in no time.
Do you have goals you’d like to achieve but you’re scared to take the first step towards them? Would you like a some hand holding and a lot of compassion to help you move towards those goals? You can get that at http://ItyBites.blogspot.com
Most people admire and respect strong individuals, who have won great success by manifesting will power and self discipline. They admire people, who with sheer will power, self discipline and ambition, have improved their life, learned new skills, overcame difficulties and hardships, reduced their weight, rose high in their chosen field or advanced on the spiritual path.
The truth is that everyone can reach high levels of will power and self-discipline through a practical method of training. These inner power are not reserved for a few special people.
Will power and self discipline are two of the most important and useful inner powers in everyone’s life, and have always been considered as essential tools for success in all areas of life. They can be learned and developed like any other skill, yet, in spite of this, only few take any steps to develop and strengthen them in a systematic way.
What is will power?
It is the inner strength to make a decision, take action, and handle and execute any aim or task until it is accomplished, regardless of inner and outer resistance, discomfort or difficulties.
It bestows the ability to overcomes laziness, temptations and negative habits, and to carry out actions, even if they require effort, are unpleasant and tedious or are contrary to one’s habits.
What is self discipline?
It is the rejection of instant gratification in favor of something better. It is the giving up of instant pleasure and satisfaction for a higher and better goal.
It manifests as the ability to stick to actions, thoughts and behavior, which lead to improvement and success. Self-discipline is self-control, and it manifests in spiritual, mental, emotional and physical discipline.
The purpose of self-discipline is not living a limiting or a restrictive lifestyle. It does not mean being narrow minded or living like a fakir. It is one of the pillars of success and power. It bestows the inner strength to focus all your energy on your goal, and persevere until it is accomplished.
Both of these abilities are required for daily actions and decisions, and also for making major decisions and attaining major success. They are required for doing a good job, for studying, building a business, losing weight, bodybuilding and physical exercises, maintaining good relationships, changing habits, self improvement, meditation, spiritual growth, keeping and carrying out promises and for almost everything else.
One of the most simple and effective methods to develop will power and self-discipline is by refusing to satisfy unimportant and unnecessary desires. Everyone is constantly confronted and tempted by an endless stream of desires and temptations, many of which are not really important or desirable. By learning to refuse to satisfy every one of them, you get stronger.
Refusing and rejecting useless, harmful or unnecessary desires and actions, and intentionally acting contrary to your habits, sharpen and strengthen your inner strength. By constant practice your inner power grows, just like exercising your muscles at a gym increases your physical strength. In both cases, when you need inner power or physical strength, they are available at your disposal.
Here are a few exercises:
- Don’t read the newspaper for a day or two.
- Drink water when thirsty, in spite of your desire to have a soft drink.
- Walk up and down the stairs, instead of taking the lift.
- Get down from the bus one station before or after your destination, and walk the rest of the way.
- For one week, go to sleep one hour earlier than usual.
- If you like ice cream, don’t have any, for a day or two.
These are only a few examples of the many exercises that can be conducted in order to develop will power and self-discipline. You might think that practicing these exercises is being tough on yourself, but they add much to the storehouse of your inner strength. By following a systematic method of training you can reach far, have more control over yourself and your life, attain your goals, improve your life, and gain satisfaction and peace of mind.
Show and prove to yourself that you are strong and in control, and practice the above exercises for a little while, before passing any judgement.
Remez Sasson writes and teaches about self-improvement, positive thinking, creative visualization, success, mind power, spiritual growth and meditation. He is the author of several books, and the publisher of the biweekly ezine, “Consciousness and Success”.
Bitterness… What do you think when you hear that term? Personally, I think of it as a weed in a lovely garden. Growing up, my grandmother had a rock garden, which obviously didn’t require much care but served its purpose of beautifying her yard. She hated when weeds would spring up in her garden. She even took care to lay plastic underneath the rocks to stop the growth; however, the weeds somehow and at some point inevitably popped up through the plastic and ruined my grandmother’s rock masterpiece!
It may seem like a trivial story; however, that’s how I see bitterness. It doesn’t come around, at least initially, where it can be seen. It’s not one of the most overt emotions. But once it rears its ugly head, it can cause more destruction to the person harboring the bitterness than to those around them.
There is a “joi de vive” I think we all should have. But a life of seething bitterness takes away any joy or contentment you may try to hold on to. So how do you know if you are bitter? Here are five ways to know if you are allowing the weeds of bitterness to spring up in your life:
When you hear a certain person’s name, your whole mood changes.
The mention or thought of a particular situation or person puts an ugly expression on your face.
People tell you often, “You need to get over it!”.
When you begin talking about a certain situation, it turns into a soliloquy and others begin yawning, rolling their eyes, changing the subject, or suddenly have to leave your presence.
When you encounter the object of your bitterness, your body begins to react. Your heart beats fast, your palms get sweaty or your face may turn red among other physical reactions.
So how do we get rid of these weeds? Unfortunately, weed killer won’t work here! It’s the “F” word…forgiveness. In order to rid your life of bitterness, there will come a point that you will need to let go and move on from what has hurt you and begin to experience a life of contentment, happiness and joy!
Neca C. Smith, Ed.S., LPC, CAMS, is a Certified Anger Management Specialist, Licensed Professional Counselor, and Consultant in Atlanta, Georgia. She owns and operates AidevO People Consulting,LLC, an organization that specializes in helping professionals reduce anger and conflict in the workplace. For more information, please go to http://www.aidevo.com
In any relationship and our interactions with other people, we have certain needs, demands, expectations and attitudes. We may be aware or unaware of these; they may be expressed or not. But when they are not met, we feel hurt, disappointed, violated and angry. This is how anger begins; feeling violated.
Our needs, demands and expectations need to be clearly and explicitly expressed to others. We cannot be angry with others and hold them responsible for needs and expectations that we never communicated to them. And these needs and expectations need not be self-serving, and completely ignoring the needs of others that we relate and interact with. If this is the case, then some of our anger will be born from selfishness, and this will be unjustified anger.
As human beings we have certain preferences for certain things, we also have rights and our dignity, which we hold dear. When our rights and dignity are violated, we feel angry, and rightly so, because one’s dignity is dear and valuable. In such cases, when we are truly violated, the best way to deal with our anger is to express it to the offending party. We express anger by talking to the person(s) offending us, not talking about them behind their backs. We need to talk to the relevant person, in soft attitudes, express how their specific actions make us feel, how they violate our dignity and rights.
Talking to the person that is hurting us is not an opportunity to get even, and start violating them the same way they violated us. It is not a time to start name-calling and judging each other. Keep it focused – talk about the issue and how it violates you and how it makes you feel. Show respect for the other’s dignity. People are much more inclined to be less defensive and will listen to you when they perceive that you respect them.
When we are genuinely hurt and violated, we need a healthy expression of this hurtful emotion. Talking about anger to the one that hurt and angered us should release the anger, irrespective of their response to our expression. Anger is not worth harboring inside, it only turns toxic. It can lead to bitterness, resentment and even hatred. That’s when people start getting sarcastic, humiliating others, getting exasperated and disgusted with others. It can descend into name-calling, gossiping, losing respect for the other person and fighting. In holding on to anger and refusing to let go, some have vowed to revenge themselves, and got into a lot of trouble.
Children have needs too; they need to be heard and listened to. Parents need to talk to their children about their emotions, how certain actions by their parents make them feel and why they make them angry. Just as much as it is unhealthy for adults to bottle their anger inside, so it is also for children. Expressing anger will always release it, of course expressing while still maintaining respect for the object of our anger – without attitudes.
Parents are ideally to be the most influential behavioral models for their kids. They want to display behaviors that their children can want to emulate, yet at the same time being true and authentic. It is almost impossible for anyone to never feel angry at one point or another, so parents will at times find themselves in situations that make them angry in front of their children. It is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is crucially important how they will handle that anger in front of their children. Trying hard to hide their anger from their kids will make them less authentic and hypocritical, and their kids will not respect them for that. We all like authentic people.
The fact that we are able to talk calmly about our anger, while still feeling that our rights and dignity have been violated, means that we do have control over our angry emotions. Everyone can have control over their emotions, with practise. So, there is no need for dramatic show of anger like tantrums, door-banging and disrespectful back-talking in the case of children. Adults who make little effort to harness their anger will exhibit dramatic signs of foul, disrespectful language, banging their fists on table, pushing, choking and even beating others. There is absolutely no need for this, as we all can control our anger.
The writer of this article; Muriel Gill, is the author of a book “The Ultimate Human Need.” It can be checked out at her website http://www.murielgill.com. Order information and a link to her publisher direct online bookstore is also on her website. To learn more about anger, you can read pages 265 to 272 in her book The Ultimate Human Need.
In preparing this article or researching on anger while writing her book, she referred to “Anger is a choice,” by Tim LaHaye and Bob Phillips.
Today let’s think a moment of the “bad” habits we’ve stopped or changed and the good habits we’ve developed. We are at times ruthless with ourselves, focusing only on what’s wrong and not noticing the things that are right.
Just like the unwanted habits, we sometimes have to focus on the good habits to recognize them. Let’s use me for an example to get you started. I used to be a terrible fingernail biter. I wanted to have lovely nails that tipped off pretty hands. Never had them. My nails are paper thin and tore off before they could get long – that is if I left them alone long enough to grow. I bit them right down to the quick. I tried everything – putting band aids on them, painting them with that vile tasting stuff, getting manicures, putting nail strengthener on them and painting them a pretty color. Nothing worked. I would hide my hands in embarrassment. Then came acrylic nails. For twenty years now I have been a faithful follower getting my nails done every 2 or 3 weeks. They’re too expensive and too hard to chew. Now I simply don’t put them in my mouth. For me, even if I had to find such a solution, it was a major victory. I know women who have them put on and then bite them right off. I feel good about it
What about you? What habits – little or big – have you changed or stopped? Smile when you remember.
What about the habits of “please” and “thank you”? Do you have them? The other day a child was visiting my grandson. When he left, Jack said, “You know, Gramma, he didn’t say “please” and “thank you” – quite a revelation to a 5 year old who is struggling with the lesson himself. Such wonderful habits.
Good table manners, listening when others speak, demonstrating politeness, finishing your work, being the first to smile and say “hello,” arriving on time – all of these are lovely little habits. My husband used to instruct our boys on what he called the four rules of living:
If you open a door, close it.
If you make a promise, keep it.
If you borrow something, give it back.
If you make a mess, clean it up.
Of course they bristled every time they heard it, but it was still a good practice.
Today, notice the good habits you have. Be aware of them throughout the day.
Your habits determine the decision and action that you will make in your life. Therefore, it is your habit that will determine how successful you are. The only difference between a successful person and a person who is struggling in his life lies in their habit. If you are a hard working person, you will definitely take more action and hence, create more results in your life.
Fortunately, habits can be learned and they can be adopted by you if you wanted to. The best way to learn a habit is to act-as-if you already owned the habit. If you want to be more courageous, then act courageous long enough and you will adopt this habit very soon.
Here are the 3 simple habits that will make you more successful in your life…
1. You must learn the habit of putting 100% commitment in what you do. Most people fail to make their dreams and their goals come true because they are not committed in them. They are just blowing hot balloon, talking about what they want to achieve but they never really put in commitment to make them come true. Therefore, if you want to be more successful in your life, you must first learn to be committed in achieving success in your life.
2. You must learn to be responsible in your life. Successful people will never blame on the situation or give excuses in their life. This is because they know that whatever happened to them, it is because they choose to. If you win a lottery today, it is because of your decision and your action of buying that lottery. If you put in responsibility in your life, you will have the power to control over the situation because you are the one who is responsible for the situation.
3. You must adopt the habit of courage and venture out of your comfort zone. Don’t be afraid of change. It is the moment you decide to achieve your dreams and your goals that determine your life will never be the same again. If you are doing things the same old way, you will get back the same old results. You will never change and you will never achieve your goals. If you want to be more successful today, dare to change and venture out of your comfort zone.
These are the 3 simple habits that will make you more successful in your life. Your habits are learnable. As long as you are determined to adopt these habits, you will definitely live a more successful life.
Do you want to make your dreams and goals come true in a simple, easier and faster way? Are you really serious to live the kind of lifestyle you desire and do you want to be more successful? With all the Success Strategies that I provided in my blog, you will be able to achieve anything you want in your life…without sweat!
Melanie Brocklehurst, the guest on last week's Self Improvement Show, brought to our attention the plight of little girls in Nepal and Tibet. (If you didn't hear the show, it's worth listening to - click the video above and hear what Melanie has to say.)It is an opportunity for you to help someone … [Read More...]
Frontline Learning is making over 40 online learning courses available to 5000 unemployed individuals. Any currently unemployed person is eligible to receive these programs simply be registering online (see link below).
There is no hook or catch or "fine print" here - these are full featured … [Read More...]
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For some it was a stretch to accept the idea of the wholeness of the individual—that we work as a unit with body, mind, emotions, and spirit working together and what affected one part affected the whole. If my emotions, for example, are seething with anger something will … [Read More...]
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Thoroughly researched and carefully crafted this is a program that is designed for success in a field that sees far too much failure. How many people struggling with addiction to drugs and alcohol check themselves into rehab over and over and never seem to be free of the need to … [Read More...]
This morning when I started working on this blog, I opened the Dashboard, as usual, to deal with the comments. Often I get great comments about the articles I've posted. Occasionally, I get comments by someone who thought the article was wrong, needed changing, or just didn't measure up. I welcome … [Read More...]
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My son decided he wanted to quit and after researching a number of companies settled on a productg by LeCig.
His package arrived Friday and today he … [Read More...]
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