Do you find yourself getting caught up in the drama of your daily life? It doesn’t have to be like this. You can choose whether you want to go with the flow, or swim against the current. The choice is yours. Most times in your life it is advisable to go with the flow, it usually makes for a much easier life. However when that situation revolves around feeling stuck in a rut, then the advice that I offer you is completely different. I would advise you to swim against the current. I know that it sounds scary, but it really isn’t. The other option (staying as you are) is a far more dangerous option to choose. You have it within yourself to do what you would only deem as the impossible. You can only tap into this inner strength if you have the correct mindset.

If you are constantly thinking “doom and gloom” and constantly putting obstacles in your own way then you will never be able to tap into those inner resources that are within you. Worrying about a problem has never solved a problem in the history of the world. Worrying is a futile exercise. You waste valuable time (your most precious commodity of all time, it is worth more to you than diamonds or gold) and you still haven’t solved your problem. Better to change your thinking. Instead of worrying over your problem, think how you can come up with a solution to your problem. This simple shift in thinking is all that is required to unleash your inner resources. If you tell your brain that there is no way out, then your brain will refuse to even look for one, and when it sees an exit sign it completely ignores it because you told it that there was “no way out.”

On the other hand if you tell your brain that there is a way to solve your problem, your brain will work tirelessly to find a solution to your problem. Even when you are sleeping your brain will continue to work on your problem and search for a solution. Albert Einstein said, “no problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” You must stop running those old negative thoughts that have been keeping you stuck in your rut, and you must embrace a new way of thinking. You must embrace “problem solving” thinking. Remember, when things go wrong don’t go with them, swim against the current.

Sean is a Certified Professional Coach, NLP Master Practitioner and published Author. Sean specialises in helping professionals who have found themselves “stuck in a rut” to get out of their rut and back into their groove.

You can get your FREE 7 part e-course detailing how you can get out of your rut and back into your groove at [http://www.stuck-in-a-rut-coaching.com/e-course.html] Get your free e-course now.

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Gary Spinell has hit the nail on the head with this brilliant book – It Was YOU All Along: An easy to understand guide on how to create the reality you desire! If you have been doing everything you think you needed to do and still are not manifesting the kind of life you want, this book is required reading. But let me warn you, if you can’t look at yourself square on and make the needed changes, this book will be a tough read. Spinell makes it abundantly clear that you have to stop the whining, complaining and blaming and take responsibility for everything you think, feel and do. Yes, everything.

The book is loaded with wisdom, guidelines and wonderful examples of how the process of manifesting has worked in many lives, including Gary Spinell’s. It is bold, clear, and unrelenting in putting the responsibility of your life on your shoulders. While you may think he is being unduly harsh in demanding personal responsibility you will celebrate with enthusiasm when you see the positive changes taking place in you and around you.

If you’ve ever had a car stuck on “high center” on a muddy road and had to dig it out you know what “stuck” is and the work involved to free it from the muddy trap. Following the guidelines presented in It was YOU All Along will get you off your “high center” and free you from the muddy trap that threatens to engulf you and your dreams.  As you’re on your way to the bookstore or pulling up Amazon on your computer ponder this. “Life didn’t happen to you. You happened it to yourself.” Gary’s right, It WAS YOU (and me) All Along. And it will still be YOU as you come out of being stuck and on to the super highway going to everything you want.

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Ok, it sounds cliche and a little silly, but it really is so critical to “be yourself” if you want to attract a meaningful relationship. But why?

Well, for starters, no one likes a fake or a fraud and regardless of how hard you try, you just can’t be someone you’re not, ultimately it will be unsatisfying and exhausting. Not a terrific way to begin a lasting relationship. Being yourself gives you the opportunity to experience a deeper level connection with someone who truly finds the real you engaging, confident and perfect- exactly the way you are.

Don’t Abandon Who You Are

One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is to abandon who you are. Not only is it unappealing, but more importantly, after the butterflies wear off you’ll wake up and realise that you’re not enjoying yourself anymore. Many people fall into the trap of trying to be something they’re not, even subtly. Perhaps you exaggerate how much you like hip hop music or start drinking vodka martinis. The problem isn’t exploring new experiences, but rather if you feel that you must do this in order to be liked…or loved. Learn to balance new experiences with your own interests and be cautious if you begin to feel you need to pretend or exaggerate to keep your date’s interest. When you’re congruent with who you are, it is truly alluring so learn to enhance yourself, not abandon yourself.

Experience Deeper Level Connection

Being yourself means that you are completely present to the person, honest and you know what you want. Not someone who bends their opinion to suit the conversation or who is overly agreeable. People do not want to date themselves! When you present with your true integrity, it allows a connection to form, from the heart. That deeper level connection can only happen if you’re open, in the moment and congruent with yourself.

Men and women are smarter than we give them credit for. Our brains are trained to detect incongruencies between body language and words. When the two don’t match, red flags go up and the insincerity meter flashes. On the other hand, when you’re just being you, you’re more likely to attract the one person that’s right for you simply because you’re allowing them to get to know the real you.

Flaunt Inner Strength and Certainty

Just like a pair of fabulous shoes or six pack abs, flaunt your quirks, your inner strength and certainty, and experience attraction like you’ve never imagined. There’s something to be said about confident people. We always notice the ‘confident’ one in the room, but it’s the certainty within that person that is attractive. Certainty is when you present yourself as sure of not only who you are, but what you stand for and why. It’s more than confidence, but an all over attitude that says to the world, “I’m here and this is who I am”. It’s a powerful component of attraction. We are all drawn to be around someone who presents with this level of certainty. But remember, while inner strength and certainty are easily recognized, it has nothing to do with being bossy or using brute force, but with someone who knows exactly who they are and wants to embrace it.

Learning to embrace yourself may take some practice. Many of us mistakenly think that if we could only be a little more of this or a little more of that, then we can find the perfect mate. The truth is, the more you just be yourself, the more likely you are to find the one person who will make you happier than anyone else. Don’t abandon who you are in a relationship or try to present the world with someone you’re not. Be yourself and experience the deeper connection that comes from finding your soul mate.

Tanielle Thomas is an inspirational Singles Coach who is passionate about helping singles to build inner strength and love being themselves, knowing that this will give them the confidence they need to step onto the dating scene and attract their soul mate.

Tanielle started out her career with an undergraduate psychology degree, and has 9 years experience working with children and families. After spending a number of years on the single scene herself (7 to be exact!), Tanielle then decided to follow her passion and work with Singles who were wanting something more. Those who are ready to clean the slate, dispose of old baggage and improve their relationship with self in order to attract their perfect partner.

Tanielle founded My Singles Coach, where she uses Life Coaching and NLP techniques to help her clients get results!

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Success is so many different things to many of us. It may be material things, money or a relationship that brings us love. The perseverance toward obtaining these things is what separates the dreamers from the realists. Success is commonly found in those who make their dreams reality. But how do you find out what it is you want?

We often hear people use the word vision. Simply put it means that you can clearly see where you are going. Exceptional people are often referred to as visionary. But what does that really mean? I believe visionary people are able to bring new yet unseen pictures and ideas to reality. Less visionary people can do this to, but at a level we already know exists. We often hear of people using vision boards with pictures of their favorite car, their dream house or favorite vacation spot on the vision board. You can use these pictures as subtle reminders that help us stay on track. Many of these pictures have come from our dreams and goals. They can be transferred loves of things from our parents. We should also make sure they are what make us happy too. I caution that chasing other peoples dreams can lead to heartbreak.

The most important part is to understand that we gravitate to what makes us happy. You must and you have to put yourself first. That does not mean you have to give up your love of others and become singular. I suggest you look at it this way. Don’t you want your wife or children to be happy? Of course you do. I suggest to you they want the same for you.

The following six tips will get you started in obtaining a clear picture of what it is you want and where you want to be.

1. Write down all the things that make you happy.
2. Make sure it is what makes you happy and not what someone else wants for you.(ownership)
3. Take it the next step and write down why they these things make you happy. (validation)
4. List these make me happy priorities in the order of importance.
5. Write down your action plan that you are going to use toward achieving these things that make you happy.
6. Share these affirmations with your mentor or accountability partner.

Your Success is just outside your comfort zone.

Staying on track is not always easy. Your success rate jumps when you have to report to someone what you have done this week toward achieving our goal. As simple and goofy as it may feel, I truly believe you will not find success if you do not write down what it is you want. If you can not get to that level of commitment right out of the starting gate you will continue to struggle in finding success.

Not all of us have a “Eureka” moment that defines what it is we want in life. What matters changes as we grow older. The need to impress others also diminishes as we grow older. We gravitate toward what makes us happy. Knowing these things earlier in life helps us find success sooner.

Paul’s many years of business and life experience have provided him with the expertise to deal with complex issues regarding success and obtaining your goals. Paul has developed a passion for writing and chooses to share this knowledge with his readers and clients. Paul has lived and taught much about what he writes about. This is what separates Paul from those who have just studied it from those who have experienced it,studied it and taught it. Life is full of tough decisions and some times we need a coach to help us through that. Paul can help you get pointed in the right direction and gain control of your life once again. For more information please go to http://www.toyourfuturesuccess.ca

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Are you feeling like a worn down cog in a wheel? A rusty wheel going nowhere on a beaten boring path? If that’s what you feel, well read on. Are you struggling to balance it all? Are you striving to find some inspiration in your life? Some sense of purpose and direction – both personal and professional? What’s the common thread to pushing beyond and creating exactly what you want in your life? Understanding your Personal Needs and Personal Values and the difference between them.

That’s so critical, I will repeat it for you. Personal needs vs. Personal Values. If we can understand the difference between the two, we are winners already.

Here’s how it works. If your personal needs are not getting met you may feel cranky, tired and out of sorts. On the other hand, if your personal values are not being expressed you may feel like your life and work is drudgery, exhausting and a drag.

The manifestations can be small or big, depending on the stage you are at.

Here is the check list – the more you tick, the more you need to take a hard look at this article and its proposed solutions.

• Is it hard to get out of bed sometimes?
• Do you wake-up thinking, do I have to do this again today?
• Are you feeling tired and not sure why?
• Do you feel like something is missing?
• Do you feel as if something needs to change?
• Do you feel unappreciated – or under-appreciated?
• Are you bored or uninspired personally or professionally?

Here are a few tips to gain clarity on what might be making you feel exhausted and holding you back from living a life of peace, calm and purpose.

How to determine if you are running around with unfulfilled needs

Often my clients are not consciously aware their unfulfilled personal needs are driving their behavior. Unfulfilled needs take the steering wheel of your life and drive you until they are fulfilled. An example: are you saying you want to lose weight but you are eating chocolate candy everyday and not sure why you can’t stop?

• Do you find yourself doing exactly the opposite of what you want to accomplish?
• Do you find yourself being the tough girl or guy? Saying: “Nah, I don’t need anything from anyone, I can do it myself.” However you continue to struggle to reach your goals.

If these statements resonate with you, unfulfilled needs may be driving your behavior.

Tips on how Your Needs can be fulfilled:

1. Determine the needs that are driving you. A couple of examples: Are you always hoping for appreciation and not getting it? Do you feel stifled with a lack of freedom in your life? Do you feel a lack of love in your life?

2. Start taking action — what changes can you make to start fulfilling your own needs. Example: Stop the negative chatter and start complimenting yourself. “I helped 3 people today, I am a good person.”

3. What conversations do you need to have at home and at work to see your needs fulfilled?

Yes, this means being courageous and asking for what you need. Talk to your loved ones and trusted colleagues and let them know what you need.

Example: “I really enjoy helping you, so if you could share a few words of your appreciation on my work, it would inspire me to do more!” Having these heartfelt conversations are not as painful as you might think and can bring immense peace and fulfillment.

Now that you have a blueprint on how your personal needs can be fulfilled, let’s move ahead. Let’s now address personal values.

The truth of our world today is that many of us, if not all of us, are living out of sync with our personal values. The question to ask yourself is therefore…

Are you living out of sync with your personal values?

Personal values are different from personal needs. Wrapping your life around your personal values allows you various ways to express yourself on a daily basis. This keeps you engaged, excited and riding on a passionate high about your life and your work. But that’s the other end of the rainbow – let’s begin by understanding where you are right now.

• Do you feel a lack of enthusiasm in your life and/or work?
• Is it taking a lot of energy to see you through a normal day at work, at home and at play?
• In other words, do you have to make an extra ordinary effort to do what is normal and fun for most others?

If you have answered yes to all 3 above, (and chances are you would have), here are some Tips to Uncovering Your Personal Values:

1. Take some down time and list what you have always loved to do. What did you like to do as a child, a teenager and as an adult?

2. Re-engage in some activities that bring you joy, fun or excitement. If you enter into “the zone” and lose track of time, most likely, it’s a great value addition to your ‘personal value rediscovery journey.’

Getting your personal needs met and fully expressing your personal values will allow your life to flow more easily and authentically. Notice a more peaceful and calm existence as you start attracting new and exciting things into your life. Think of the two components, personal needs, and personal values, as yin and yang, and once the 2 are perfectly balanced and complementing each other, you can feel the positive Zen energy flow back into everything you do.

From Tina Elliot, MBA, PCC (ICF Professional Certified Coach)

Tina Elliot is known as “The Professional Women’s Coach.” Her success as a life, business, executive and wellness coach draws from over 15 years experience working in the areas of coaching and consulting. For a free report on the real secrets for dealing with being overwhelmed, visit her website at http://www.synergycoaching.org or call 909-860-2732 for a complimentary coaching meeting to stop struggling and start thriving!

� Copyright 2011 All rights reserved

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When someone mentions the word belief to you, what comes to mind? What are beliefs and how do they shape your life? Before I get into the how your beliefs play an integral part in your life, it is best to fully understand the meaning and relevance of this word. Beliefs are the mental attitude that some position is true. Your behaviour depends on your beliefs. Everything can be traced back to them. They govern your thoughts, words, and actions. Beliefs are the ideas you have a commitment to, and support. They are the views and opinions that you have accumulated and that represent you. Your beliefs are positions that you endorse and they dictate your approach and outlook to life. These are indeed very powerful and profound statements.

“Thought are things, beliefs make them so and actions solidify your beliefs. ” JB Glossinger.

What you believe is what you stand for. Beliefs can be justified if they closely correspond with objective reality (the correspondence theory of truth). One way we suspect our beliefs correspond with reality is if our actions, based on those beliefs, lead to successful outcomes. Another way is when we compare our meanings and interpretations with other people who seem to agree with ours. How do we acquire justified beliefs? For most of life, the acquisition of beliefs is based on learning from experience. It is also based on studying successful people and events of historical significance. My opinion is that if you don’t put action behind your beliefs, then you really don’t believe it. If you did, you would move forward with action.

Three fundamental Beliefs that all human beings should hold:

Belief in yourself. There are over 7 billion people in this world and no two people are the same. Twins are even born with different phenotypes. You are a unique individual and have inherent talents and traits that no one else has. You were created for a purpose and must have a firm belief of that. It is your responsibility to understand and develop those genetic talents and use them for the greater good. Unfortunately too many people feel they are not good enough, inferior, scared or living in fear. People have put you down in the past and now you have deviated from the innate ability that you were born with. This is a fundamental inhibitor and flaw that you must overcome. It will hold you back from your dreams, from healthy relationships and growing into the person you were intended to become. You are special, unique and one of a kind. Don’t ever forget that.

Belief in your “God” given ability. Your higher power wouldn’t have put those thoughts and dreams in your mind if they didn’t think you could fulfill them well. They are put in your mind because you have the talent to bring them to pass. For example, I have never had the thought or idea to become a mechanic or fix cars. Why, because I am terrible at it and wouldn’t do well. Some would say I have never had the urge to sing in public. Why? Because I would likely break windows. All kidding aside, you know your God given abilities and what you can do well. If you don’t, ask your friends and family and they will guide you and tell you what you are very good at. These talents and abilities you have were hand selected for you and only you. Take the time and really get to know yourself, the genetic talents you were born with and then spend a lifetime honing them and making them that much better. A great example of this is Sidney Crosby from the Pittsburgh Penguins. This gentleman was born with the ability to play hockey at an elite level. He recognized this talent at a young age and then spent countless hours perfecting his craft every day. He is now one of the best players in the NHL.

Belief in that what you are doing is making an impact or difference in the world. What you know or have to offer is something that someone else requires or needs. Examples can be advice, a service, help, influence, etc. You have these abilities and acquired skills that many people are yearning for. It is your responsibility to pass them on and make this world a better place for yourself and the next generation. Try and appeal to as many people as possible and influence the greater masses with your talents. The Dalai lama, Mother Theresa, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and the list goes on and on of people who took their God given talents and spread them across the globe to make this world a better and more efficient place. It is your turn to find out what you do well and transform that into a valued skill that many people will require. I fully know that it is in you and just waiting to be unleashed. Believe in yourself and your potential is endless.

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A FREE 3o minute Skype  “JOYJOLT” session as a kickstart to accessing more joy in spite of current circumstances to the first person that contacts Pat Armistead. Value? Limitless

A FREE eBook to the first five who contact Pat telling her you would like a copy of Humour Works. It is a lovely book that you can download. It will give you insight to Pat’s remarkable work and give you ideas on how you can live a more joyful life as well. For those who own your own company and have employees, this book is a must, showing you how humor in the workplace is a stimulus for growth of both the people and your business. Value? $29.00 but priceless.

Contact Pat Armistead at pat@joyology.co.nz  Website: http://www.joyology.co.nz/

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Did you know that the average preschooler laughs or smiles 400 times a day? That number drops to 15 by the time people are 35 yrs. old. Isn’t it amazing what stress and too much responsibility can do? So who says that work always has to be serious? Work environments where humor is encouraged, tend to be happier, less stressed and more productive. Incorporating humor into our jobs increases feelings of solidarity and cohesion amongst co-workers and provides a non-threatening medium through which an employee or employer can communicate with others. This is the type of environment most people prefer to work in.

Humor in the workplace helps us think. “Taking time out to laugh can help us to get rid of negative feelings and allow us to better concentrate on what we are doing,” says noted psychologist Dr. Ashton Trice of Mary Baldwin College in Virginia. It allows the time and space to put things in perspective; not personalize a situation. When we are feeling good about ourselves and the environment in which we work, our work flows smoother, production improves, generally creating an increase in income for the company.

Appropriate humor in the workplace is a welcome and tasteful surprise. It is about seeing the humor in everyday situations and having the confidence to laugh at your self. When you tell a story poking fun at your self, it portrays you as more human. Your life experiences are probably not unique. This provides comic relief and invites people to be comfortable and see the humor of their own life situations. We have all laughed at comedians and generally they are commenting on daily life. However it is important to remember that humor should not be offensive or disrespectful to the average person.

Humor in the workplace is a stress reducer. Studies have shown that humor activates our physiological systems, including the muscular, respiratory, cardiovascular and skeletal. It lowers blood pressure and increases endorphins. This leads to a sense of satisfaction and well being which reduces the possibility of burnout. When we laugh, we feel physically better, lighter and more relaxed. We have the same positive physiological experience when we smile.

Humor partners with laughter to increase creativity and productivity. This leads to thinking “outside the box,” producing more and different products and services, leading to greater profits. Everyone wants to work in a positive upbeat environment. People get along better with co-workers, absenteeism and tardiness is reduced and decision making improves.

Fran worked at a company where staff frequently complained about many things. Managers were critical of their team members and negativity permeated the office. To counteract this, Fran and several colleagues generated ideas to bring levity to the workplace. This included the smile of the day, humorous cartoons in the lunchroom and beginning every meeting with a joke. When the atmosphere lightened, the negativity diminished and the level of conflict among employees was reduced.

Incorporating humor in your workplace provides tremendous value without costing a lot in terms of time and resources. Some suggestions are:

* Exaggerate or understate.

* Poke fun at yourself.

* Tell stories, jokes and personal life stories.

* Use humor to break the ice (start a meeting or presentation).

* Clip cartoons from a newspaper or magazine and post on a bulletin board.

* Participate in a laughter club (people who meet for no reason except to laugh.)

Use laughter and humor in the workplace throughout the day. Laughing with others is a great way to promote peace and fun in the workplace. It takes 16 muscles to frown and only 3 muscles to smile. Which would you prefer?

Copyright 2006, Gail Solish. All rights reserved.

Gail Solish, MSW, RSW provides Executive/Personal coaching to managers, directors and executives focused on workplace development and relationship management. Claim your FR-EE e-course �Unleash Your Potential and Increase Productivity and Fulfillment� at www.ActualizeYourGoals.com or contact Gail at 416-322-0029.

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Positive thinking will help achieve a healthier, happier and positive lifestyle.

Negative thoughts can lead to a loss of confidence; an inability to function well or act positively. Dwelling on problems will only lead to increasing worry; a lack of sleep and you will eventually wear yourself out.

This will undoubtedly lead to a loss of concentration; a lack of interest in matters and this can affect people around you and the success of your business. Instead of dwelling on problems, use positive thinking to resolve them and remove the worry and stress from your life.

Try breaking down your problems and consider ways to overcome them fully or in part. Sit down and call upon some inner strength and effort to find the best way to deal with your problems. Consider the best way to tackle the problem in hand.

In addition, what really is the worst case scenario? Try imagining the worst possible outcome and whether this really is as devastating as all that. Ask for help if you need it. Ask others for their thoughts and comments. Try not to surround yourself with negative people as they will only encourage negative thoughts and feelings.

You need to manage your time and assets responsibly. Often, being overworked, rushing; and cutting corners leads to dissatisfaction and a worry that you may have missed something.

Decide what tasks and issues really need your attention. Ensure that you only dedicate the right amount of time to outstanding issues. Don’t push them aside for another day. This leads to constant and increased worrying. The problems will still be there and may increase when left over time.

Prevention is better than cure. Be organised. Deal with matters before they turn into a worry or problem. Keep ahead of the game. If necessary, make diary entries in advance and resolve and deal with issues before deadlines become crucial. Happiness comes from within. Face problems head on. Think outside the box. Consider what measures can be taken to resolve matters. Manage your time wisely. Plan ahead. Ask for help.

Positive thinking will lead to a positive outlook on life. Resolving problems methodically will lead to a boost in confidence and a belief that you can be successful and deal with matters put in your path.

Confidence will come across in your demeanour. Others are attracted to confidence and have respect for those who are successful. Others will look up to you and be interested in what you have to say or what your business has to sell.

Learn to say No to things that you don’t want to do. Instead of going with the flow and resenting having to do things, simply say No Thanks, not on this occasion. Be in control of your life; make your life run smoothly; prevent stress and hassle by planning carefully.

You are about to discover the truth about success and wealth! FREE self-assessment test reveals whether you have got a future as a rich and powerful entrepeneur Click Here to find how you score.

Your mind and aspirations are the most powerful component for achieving the success you deserve claim your FREE audio and video from the link below:

http://www.ianduboulay.com/successupgrade

By harnessing the power of the mind anything is possible!

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She thought nothing worse could happen. In the past six months Susanna had broken her leg, lost her dog, and found that her boyfriend of four years was cheating on her. Then on Friday, her supervisor told her they had to cut her hours…AND her pay rate. Awful, yes, but it kept getting worse!

Her landlord told her that he could no longer afford to provide rent-controlled housing; and the hospital has turned over the emergency room charges for Suzanna’s broken leg to the collection agency. Now Suzanna is afraid to answer her phone. She can’t ask for support from her mother who has just been diagnosed with cancer and called her daughter in tears. What would you do?

If one or more of these crises is affecting your life, it’s time to turn crisis into opportunity. Sometimes circumstances force us to make changes that we would not have made otherwise. It’s not easy, but if you can develop a strategy and work toward purposeful goals, you can emerge stronger and more self-confident. Here are some ideas that might help Susanna.

1. We Need To Cut Your Hours and Your Pay. Although you’ll be tempted to quit, it’s best not to leave a job until you have another job. Search out other options instead. What opportunities exist for adding hours elsewhere within the company? Stall for time to look for a new job or add a service to help create income for the hours you lost. Perhaps you could use your skills to provide some sort of in-home service, sell personal care or home products, or do phone sales.

If the future with your company looks truly dim take this opportunity to search out a better job. Reach out in the world and tap into your network. Update your resume, take a close look at the job market, post resumes on sites like Monster.com and Craigslist. Inventory your many talents and publish them for potential employers to see.

Think creatively: One man thought of wearing a t-shirt with a company logo for a fee; he has many customers now. What have you always wanted to do? Free up your mind to think in new directions. Most of all do not panic and shut down. Get over the shock, make a plan, figure out who you really are and what your skills and talents are. Then go for it.

2. I Don’t Love You Anymore. When someone says this, the other person feels shock. But really, deep inside don’t we all know when things are not going well in a relationship? It is a two-way street. The problem is to identify when it’s really over and figure out what to do next.

A natural first reaction will be shock and denial, then bargaining and sometimes pleading. These are all normal, healthy reactions that usually lead to recovery and then gradually to moving on. Give yourself time to grieve as you would with any major loss. When you feel ready, have a good funeral and step up to a better relationship.

Take this time to get to know who you really are and what you want. Learn how to enjoy your own company? Get to know what makes you special. Rushing out to replace a lost love can lead to more of the same and feelings of desperation that nobody likes to be around. Falling in love with yourself is the surest way to draw love into your life.

3. Your Position Has Been Made Redundant. During company mergers, people often learn that someone else is already doing, or will soon be doing, their job. Downsizing is all too common and a painful rite in corporate life today. Just remember, in life, when one door closes, another one opens.

To find that new door, focus on your unique abilities and gifts. Think deeply about the challenges your company and your supervisor are facing and come up with novel solutions. Redefine your job description and expand it. Make yourself invaluable, strive for good feedback and look for ways to reach the eyes and ears of the decision makers. If there is something that you always wanted to do, that you thought was a natural fit and should be in your job description, now is the time to do it. Then think it through. In your work environment would it be better to propose it to your supervisor before starting? Or would it be better to start incorporating it into your job, then propose it at a decisive moment that will make your contribution stand out?

Stay cheerful and friendly. If you make yourself positively useful and visible, you may be able to redefine yourself as a leader and step into another job. Either way, the exercise will get you thinking about your full range of skills and abilities that can help you move forward beyond an apparent dead-end.

4. You Can’t Live Here Any More. If the landlord has decided to sell a house you are renting, ask if you can negotiate a deal to buy it. If it is beyond your means, could you share the purchase price with another? If the landlord already has a buyer in mind, accept the disappointment and begin to search for something else. Take this opportunity to improve your living arrangements and find what you have always wanted.

If you’re losing your house due to foreclosure, have you investigated every option, communicated early and often with your mortgage company, and checked out every possible aid program? If it’s unavoidable you must accept it and move on, taking a long look at your financial management style. Be honest with yourself about how you got into this situation, and develop a plan for rebuilding your future.

Let your dreams take flight. Would you like to live in the country? In a loft? In another part of the country? Share a house with another? Ask for new opportunities and they will appear. It is a time for positive change and if you see it as something good, it will be so.

5. Your Insurance Won’t Cover This Procedure. Assuming this is a necessary procedure, talk openly with your health care provider about your financial situation. You might be able to negotiate the price and establish a schedule for paying out the fees. Fees received over time are better than nothing and you may find a willing doctor. Call around among other providers. Look at out-of-network providers if your insurance won’t pay anyway. Sometimes independent practitioners who do not take insurance have lower billing rates. Your county health department can tell you if there is a federally subsidized clinic in your town.

Asking never hurt anyone. Many healthcare organizations are giving cash discounts these days. If you have some savings, ask for a discount for paying cash. The discount alone can save you more than the interest you would have earned on your savings. Be sure you get a receipt marked “paid in full.”

Communication works in all of these cases. Never count yourself out. Instead, keep looking for creative answers. Many pharmaceutical companies provide free medications to families without insurance. Surf the web. Ask around. Insurance companies, non-profit societies, foundations and support groups may have resources as well.

6. Your Close Relative Has Cancer. Sadly, all of us know people with cancer. When a close relative has cancer, it’s important to share your time with her and do things to help her and her family: prepare food, babysit, help with chores, run errands, go and visit if they want. Sometimes just being there is what they need most. It’s important to talk with family members also. When there is serious illness, the family members often are the ones who are really left out. They need your support and friendship too.

Do not be afraid of cancer. These days, chronic diseases, including heart disease, diabetes and many cancers, can often be successfully managed. Learn more about cancer and how you can help. There are many websites such as the American Cancer Society and the Susan B. Komen Society. Learn by talking to others.

Many of us get started in one direction and keep going on autopilot until something gets in our way. It could be our health or the health of a family member or something catastrophic to our finances or living situation. The important thing to remember is that you are your own best resource. As long as you don’t allow the stress of the situation to overcome your faith in yourself, you have all you need to survive and succeed. Be alert to open doors along the way and you’ll be able to turn today’s challenges into tomorrow’s opportunities.

Nancy D. O’Reilly, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and founder of WomenSpeak.com, has worked with women in a strategic, problem-solving fashion for more than 25 years. She is the author of the self-help book, Timeless Women Speak.

She is passionate about educating and offering women a place to share the experience of growing older in a positive and rewarding atmosphere. During more than 10 years of research she has asked more than 1,200 women of all ages the hard questions about growing older in a youth-driven society. Women find comfort knowing that they are not the only ones who worry about getting older and who wonder if their value as a person will be compromised. Dr. Nancy interviews an interesting woman author each week for a podcast on her website. She was nominated for Missouri’s First Lady Award in 2008 and recognized as one of Springfield, Missouri’s Most Influential Women of 2007. She speaks frequently on women and aging, biofeedback, depression, migraine, mental health, constructive confrontation, workplace violence, and stress management. She gives radio and TV interviews, has published professional articles, and has presented her research at a national conference of the American Psychological Association.

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