If we can’t be disciplined enough to resist a chocolate bar, how can we be disciplined enough to create the life we want?

Blog entry November 18, 2006: “Have you ever wondered if what you were doing was what you were intended to be doing with your life? Have you ever lain awake in the middle of the night and wondered this very thing? “What am I here for?”, “Why do I not enjoy my job like I used to?”, “Am I living a lie?”, “Is there a better way to live than with the high stress of trying to please everybody?”

There have been days lately that I have wondered some of those very same things. Oh, I know that whatever I am supposed to be doing is with and around coaching people, but it may not be in the way that I am currently doing it. I have this… call it a “feeling”, or a “knowing” that there is much more that I should be doing with my life, but I also, again, “feel” or “know” that it is not time yet. I can tell you that as sure as I can feel my fingers on these keys. I have more to learn yet before I can rise to another level of leading people: it’s not like a physical road sign in the middle of the road telling me my direction, it’s more of a “spiritual” one. I don’t know how I know, I just know, and the fact that I know it and it’s not happening as fast as I would like it to happen has really been eating away at me lately. I have been crabby, I have been grumpy, I have been evasive and I have done some really stupid things because of inattention and this inner turmoil. Many nights I go to bed thinking that I just wasted another day that I could have used to further my skills and abilities to get me out of the rut, but I did nothing.”

Then this morning, I woke up in peace. I haven’t awoken in this positive state of mind in a long time now, and it felt good: So good that I wanted to make sure that I wrote it down. I awoke with a sense of hope, faith and confidence that really feels good! I had a night full of dreams, but one that stands out was of me leading a group of people out of a dark cave into a very bright and safe place. In the dream, I felt and knew how important the mission was, and I knew that I had been chosen to lead them out. Then, after we were all in safety, I heard a voice speaking to me saying: “I have other important work for you to do that I am preparing you for, but you are not yet ready. You have much more to learn. How can you lead my people if you cannot yet lead yourself? This is what I will have you learn now.” I woke up with a start after I heard those words, shaking and excited and ready to start learning. I now feel that the hard time that I have been going through in the last while is my “walk in the desert”. How long or how wide this desert is, I do not know, but I am committed to making it across and learning whatever it is that I MUST learn to move to the next phase of my life. I see this journey almost as a test that I must prepare for, yet I don’t know what I must prepare. All I know is that I must be ready to go and not look back. What I am in search of is “Self Leadership”, what I hope to find is myself.

As I have been thinking about this all weekend, I have come up with 16 principles that answer what I believe to be this Self Leadership question.

What is Self Leadership:

1. It is giving our very best to whatever we do.

2. It is believing ourselves worthy to be the best..

3. It is focusing on being excellent, and not stopping until we are… which should be never!.

4. It is fulfilling the excellent use of our gifts and talents.

5. It is living in and operating in the truth, and being honest enough to ourselves to recognize it. .

6. It is living confidently and in a way that says “I refuse to fail”, and not quitting if we do..

7. It is recognizing that striving IS succeeding. .

8. It is recognizing that we all have limits, and that we accept them for what they are and having the mindset to strive to improve on them..

9. It is not making excuses for our mistakes and perceived limits. .

10. It is not settling for status quo..

11. It is being secure enough in our own abilities to not have to prove ourselves to get recognition..

12. It is being confident enough in our own abilities to lead others without asking for anything in return..

13. It is seeing the positive in people and situations..

14. It is not being threatened by the abilities or thoughts of others..

15. It is willing to voice our opinions in the face of adversity..

16. It is the commitment to do the right things… always..

Making a commitment to yourself is very hard to do. It is much more difficult than making a commitment to someone else because they can be there to keep you accountable. But when we make the commitment to ourselves, we are the person who must hold ourselves accountable… no matter what. This is where our discipline is paramount. To do this, make it a public commitment. Speak it out loud to people whom you trust and respect and ask them to hold your toes in the fire: Doing this will create results much faster than just trying to do it alone.

This week, why not take your own journey towards Self~Leadership? When you can succeed at all of the principles that were outlined above, then you will be placing yourself up for promotion in your most important area: your life.

May you have all of the success that you can handle this week.

For 22 years, Paul Kearley has thrived in the personal development and coaching business. As a Master Coach for the past 10 years, Paul’s passion is in developing and creating increased potential with both clients and other trainers.

A columnist for two newspapers in Eastern Canada, and editor for his own weekly ezine, Paul writes articles that address the everyday challenges we all have and face in life and in business, and offers suggestions for success.

If you’d like to connect with Paul to discuss your personal or business strategies or to subscribe to “E-Motion” his weekly newsletter , simply send an e-mail to carnegie@nbnet.nb.ca, visit http://www.mustthinking.com or call 506 433 4722.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Paul_Kearley
http://EzineArticles.com/?What-is-Self-Leadership&id=480332

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• Is Leadership Dead? Listen now.
• LISTEN NOW to Richard Norris Talking About Self Leadership
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The leadership model develop by L. Michael Hall Ph.D. is a detailed and measurable model of leadership consisting of seven criteria based on studies of successful leaders.

This article will explain the first of these criteria, Authenticity, in detail and describe specific steps you can implement to improve your own leadership.

What is Authenticity?

Authenticity is the quality or condition of being trustworthy or genuine.It can be described as being and acting from one’s true self without masks and personas.

Someone who is authentic will speak and act congruently and their words and gestures, tone, and volume will all match content of what they are saying. They will speak and act in ways that reveal their true beliefs, views, opinions and emotions even when this might conflict with those they are communicating with.

Key Questions for Authentic Leadership

The following key questions will help you to apply this criteria in practice to become a great leader.

What do you really want and believe in?

In order to lead authentically, you need to know what you want and what your beliefs are, so that you can act and speak congruently.

What is really important to you?

There will be some things you want in your life and some beliefs that take priority over everything else. It might be your health, your family, financial independence or your belief in the right of others to be, for example, respected or treated equally. By being clear about what is really important, you will be better placed to communicate this to others.

What makes for a meaningful and significant life?

Many of us would like our life to have some “meaning”, to leave behind a legacy, to have “left a footprint in the sand”. Do you know what legacy you would most like to leave? How do you want to be remembered by those closest to you?

What do you really think and feel about the things that are important to you?

When you are clear about what is most important in your life and the legacy you hope to leave, then you will be more willing to share your thoughts and feelings about these things with others. Sharing your views with energy, emotion, and enthusiasm engages those around you and lets them know that these topics are important to you.

How truly do you act on your beliefs and opinions?

If you often find yourself playing roles to protect yourself or satisfy others or going along with whatever is socially or politically correct even when you don’t agree with it, then you are failing to be true to yourself. People around you will sense this either consciously or on an unconscious level and find it difficult to trust you. If you speak or act in ways that are congruent, you will sound believable because your tone, volume and body-language will match the content of your words.

Confrontation may be unpleasant however if you believe in something that is important to you it is far better to be honest and risk disagreement than to oppress your true feelings. Others will respect your honesty and integrity and find it easier to trust and follow you if they know that you are willing to stand up for your principles.

What are your passions, talents, and vision?

If you are passionate about something. If you have a vision of the future that enthuses you or a particular skills or ability that fills you with joy and energy, then following that passion or vision will automatically inspire others.

If you find any of these questions difficult to answer then try this simple exercise: sit down in a quiet space with a blank piece of paper and write out, in as much detail as possible, how you would like your life to be in every aspect that is important to you. Use positive language and write as if you are already living this life. Make this a fun game and let your imagination soar.

Being an Authentic Leader

Truly great leaders throughout history have stood out from the crowd by living up to their highest values, pursuing their visions, challenging injustices and still being modest, humble and willing to be of service to others.

Are you willing and able to be authentic?

Christopher Young is a senior consultant and executive coach with a broad knowledge and experience in financial services, project and change management, personal empowerment and information technology. His areas of focus include developing highly successful leaders, creating high-performance teams and implementing best practices in process improvement, project management and software development process.

White Water Consulting ( http://www.whitewater.com.au ) is one of Australia’s leading project management consulting firms, specialising in exceptional delivery of projects for the Financial Services market.

Achievement Coaching and Consulting ( http://achievementcoaching.com.au ) assists professionals to reach their individual goals of enhanced business performance and personal satisfaction.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Chris_Young
http://EzineArticles.com/?Authenticity-in-Leadership&id=5094177

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By Irene Conlan -

There is nothing wrong with good, old fashioned competition but there’s nothing wrong with cooperation, either. Competition spurs advancement, improvement and creativity and that’s usually a very good thing. However, I have found that helping your competition can be very good for business as well.

Say what?

Yes, helping your competition can be very good for business – or for life.

It used to be a common thing – to help each other. It didn’t matter if the person you were helping was your competition – they were fellow human beings. Farmers are a classic example. Those of you who were fortunate enough to grow up on a farm know that if one farmer was in trouble, the neighbors came to help. It’s just how it was. If your tractor broke down, someone would help you fix it or come to help you get the work done until you could get it fixed. If you got sick during harvest, the neighbors would show up with their equipment and everyone would help get your crops harvested. When they were in trouble you would be there for them. Such a nice way to live. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule – there is sometimes someone who won’t help but they’re unusual.

Everyone benefits when we cooperate and help each other. I’m not saying that you need to reveal all your trade secrets – Coke shouldn’t divulge its recipe to Pepsi nor should the Colonel disclose his “secret herbs and spices,” but they can work together to make something better for the customer.

Let’s bring this “up close and personal.” Let’s say you write about self improvement and you have a tremendous idea that would help everyone. Don’t we all benefit if I send my readers to your blog  to read about that tremendous idea? I think so. Of course I risk having them leave my blog for yours, don’t I?  But I risk what I call “getting my soul in a knot” if I try to keep it all for myself. If you understand the concept of Oneness, you know that what helps one person helps us all.

There’s a great commercial for an insurance company that has one person doing a small but really nice thing for someone else – and that person, in turn,  does something good and so on and so on. There is a string of people who are happier and smiling because of that sequence of good deeds. It makes you feel so good you want to buy their insurance whether you need it or not. (Well, almost).

There is a great saying, “What goes around comes around. If you send out “good stuff,”  good stuff will come back to you. (So will “bad stuff”). It’s a very true saying.

Don’t get me wrong. I want to have the best blog on the Internet and have it on the first page of Google. I put a lot into it because I believe in high quality. I am very competitive. But, that being said, once I have done that, I need to share and cooperate with others so we all come out ahead.

There is great joy in that.

Related posts:

• March 26, 2011 – Cooperation
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• Here’s to you, Kari Callen
• What Can Pelicans Teach Us About Self Improvement?
• What an Olympic Champion Taught Me

Are you a real leader? Not if you’ve ever tried to put one of these over on someone.

1. It’s not my fault.

Oh yes it is. The leader steps up to accountability for whatever happens on his or her watch. Did the President personally screw up the response efforts to Hurricane Katrina? No, but it was his fault. That was his team that dropped the ball.

2. Hey, I didn’t hire so and so.

You thought you had me on this one, didn’t you? After all, when you inherit a job with people in place, you can’t be responsible for everything they do, right? You’re supposed to be responsible for your own team.

Correct, and unless and until you make some changes, the team you inherit is your own team. Don’t waste time making changes if they are needed. And don’t hesitate for a second when it’s time to support the people on your team, whether you hired them or not.

3. We had a miscommunication around expectations.

This is one of the most over used excuses in the book. Good leaders know the importance of clear communications, and they know how to test understanding early on in any program or project to make sure people are communicating effectively. What this really means is that we didn’t start managing this effort until it was already too late.

4. I don’t have enough resources to get the job done.

Staffing levels, budgets, required technology are all things that get negotiated going into a job or a project. Once the starting bell has rung, you are on the line. Do surprises occur? Yes, and when they do the leader does not make excuses. He or she clearly and effectively outlines how the game has changed, and engages all parties needed to figure out how to respond.

5. I wanted to (hire/fire/approve/disapprove/start/stop) that one, but my boss made the final decision.

Then you’re not the leader, are you? Leaders have bosses too. Even CEO’s have to answer to a Board. But when you turn around to those who view YOU as the leader, you have to own every decision.

Leaders and excuses? They really don’t go together.

The organization that isn’t changing is probably dying. For more information about managing change and developing leaders, please visit [http://www.thomasjodea.com]www.thomasjodea.com.

Tom O’Dea has more than 20 years of senior leadership experience in companies ranging from startups to multi billion dollar corporations.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tom_O’Dea http://EzineArticles.com/?Leadership-Tips—Five-Excuses-Real-Leaders-Never-Use&id=1462466

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Abraham Lincoln was an exceptionally tall man. He stood an impressive six feet, four inches tall. That is tall even for our day, but in his era, he must have seemed like a giant. He then would wear a tall top hat made of silk. When he had it on, he stood close to seven feet tall from toe to top hat.

President Lincoln loved to stand back to back with people to measure height. One day, President Lincoln stopped at Aquia Creek, Virginia in order to review some of his troops. Almost immediately the President’s attention gravitated towards a very tall young man. This young Pennsylvania seventeen year old seemed to tower over his comrades.

The President got the young man’s attention. Mahlon Shaaber stepped forward. When the young man reached Lincoln, it is believed that the President said, “Turn around, young fellow and put your back against mine while I take off my hat.” Almost immediately, the President knew he had been bested. Shaaber was much taller than the President. This lanky young man hovered over Lincoln by two and half inches.

But what does height really mean to a leader? How does it impact our leadership lives? Well, I believe that the true height of a leader is not in how much we tower above the ground, but in how high our integrity towers over immorality. In Lincoln’s case he seemed to tower in physical height, as well as integrity height.

One time, an over night White House guest heard great groans and moans coming from another room. The guest quietly slipped out of bed to investigate the mysterious sounds. What was discovered comforted the guest’s heart and mind. The noise was the President. The guest saw Lincoln prostrate on the floor pleading to Almighty God for His help in this national crisis, the Civil War. The guest was comforted because he knew the country was in good hands because the height of its president was flat against the floor. A height that looked straight up to God. That is the height of integrity. My friends, you and I need to live lives that will tower over life’s challenges. Let us be giants of integrity.

I would now like to invite you to receive my seminar “The Keys to Empowered Leadership” on MP3 download FREE when you sign up for our Free Take Action Sales Newsletter. You can register at [http://www.takeactionsales.com]Sales Training. From Mark Bowser of http://www.MarkBowser.com Thanks for reading today.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mark_Bowser http://EzineArticles.com/?Leadership—The-True-Height-of-a-Leader&id=1430391

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I’ve been following the presidential campaigns as well as our state campaigns for the U.S. Congress and I am sad to say that the faces change but the rhetoric stays the same. I was once married to a U.S. Congressman so I have a bit of experience in this “campaign stuff.”

Last week McCain said he didn’t know how many houses he owned and this week Obama didn’t know what town he was in. Both have made major gaffs that give the other side ammunition for derogatory comments and negative campaign ads. Each is bashing the other, each is reaching for anything that helps them win. They’re tired, they’re overbooked and they’re human. While they say a lot of words, neither candidate offers any hard specifics about what they’ll do once in office. Each offers a lot of generalities. Actually, they can’t do much more than that because, thank God, they are not a one man show once they get elected. They have a Legislative and Judicial branch they have to work with and getting that many “important” people to work together is like herding cats. The also have to cut through all the lobbyists and that is an even bigger challenge.

Last night I watched the opening of the Democrat Convention and felt like I was at a pep rally. Little of substance was said. Michele Obama gave the keynote address and I found myself feeling a bit distressed. She wore a beautiful designer dress, was coiffed and impeccable in her appearance and tried to convince the conventioneers that she was “middle class” just like them. (Actually, she has her own dress designer, Maria Pinto, whom she has used “for a long time.” I don’t know many middle class women who have their own dress designer, do you?) She gave a speech that was full of words but short on both feeling and substance. I wasn’t convinced. She kept trying to persuade the “congregation” that she and her candidate-husband are middle class – just like them. She painfully recited all the problems encountered by herself and Barack in their early years growing up in middle class neighborhoods. She failed to mention that she graduated from both Princeton and Harvard. I felt she “protesteth too much.” I came away from it wanting to know who the “real” Michele Obama is.

The children were beautiful.

The commentators afterwards lined up on both sides, of course. Some seemed to think the speech was on target, wonderful, portraying a true picture of a middle class family that is headed for the White House. Others saw them portrayed as Bevear-Cleaver-family-wanna-be types in an effort to get votes. There was little middle ground with the news media.

On a state level it’s much worse. We have a number of candidates in the race for a congressional seat in my district in Arizona. All talk about “clean campaigns” and the mud is flying faster than I’ve ever seen political mud fly. I get 3 or 4 pre-recorded phone messages a day from these candidates, each bashing the others and asking for my vote – and my money. It will be a matter of picking the “lesser of the evils” on election day. That is very sad.

Where are the statesmen? Who has a passion for this country strong enough to put all the personal aggrandizement aside? Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Don’t read the polls in the morning paper and stand for the “ issues of the day.” What are your stands on the issues? What do you want to accomplish? That’s what I want to know – consistently and unembellished.

Senators McCain and Obama, don’t think I’ll vote for you just because you’re a war hero or a black man, a Democrat or a Republican, a liberal or a conservative or because you’re the “media darling.” I’m not voting for your wife or your children or  for you because you have a nice personality. I’m not turned off because you make a mistake or misspeak when you’re rushed or tired. I will vote for you based on your record and your stand on the issues. I will place my vote where I see integrity and openness. Please, please let us know what your positions really are and what you truly want to accomplish as President of the United States of America.

Readers, don’t get mad at me because you think I bashed your favorite candidate. I’m an equal opportunity basher. I love America. I want the best leader we can elect as President because we are in trouble as a nation. We need a statesman. Will the real statesman please stand up?

Let’s see some honesty, here. Let’s see some leadership. Let’s see some truth.

Can we shift gears and make it Politics NOT as usual?

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Yesterday was “Super Tuesday” – the largest primary election day in U.S. History and it had a record breaking turnout. At my own polling place, the line was long and slow and the poll workers weren’t prepared for the number of people coming through.

1. I’m honest
2. I’ll always do the best I can
3. I’m a forward thinker
4. I care about others as well as myself
5. I try to learn new things and keep up with what’s going on
6. I have many abilities and talents
7. I can keep going when others around me quit
8. I do a full day’s work for a full day’s pay
9. I’m a cheerleader for others’ successes
10. I make the best decisions I can make with the awareness I have at the time
11. I have a sense of humor and the ability to laugh at myself and my own mistakes
12. And the list goes on.

I’m not interested in running for any political office. I don’t want to be elected to anything that I can think of. But when it comes to life and living and being nice to be around, I VOTE FOR ME!

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To be effective, boundaries need to do three things: define your expectations, clarify your definition of acceptable behavior, and explain the consequences of disregarding your boundaries. Without consequences, people never learn boundaries. Without boundaries, people never become mature, self-reliant adults.

Here is a technique for setting boundaries called, Three Strikes, You’re Out.

The first time that someone crosses your boundary, you simply tell that person what your boundary is and ask him or her to not cross it again. Never assume that people know what your boundaries are unless you have taken the time to point out your boundaries.

The second time they cross your boundary, you simply remind them of your request and tell them the consequences of crossing your boundary one more time. Be sure that this is a consequence that you are ready to carry out. Telling people that you will leave them for the sixteenth time will only make people laugh.

The third time they cross your boundary, you follow through with your consequences.

Three strikes goes like this:

Someone swears at you.

You say, “Please don’t swear at me.”

They swear at you again.

You say, “Please don’t swear at me, or I will leave.”

They swear at you a third time.

You say, “Good bye.”

Three strikes, they’re out. You leave, and you do not come back until they have made amends. If they don’t like your rules, then they don’t have to play with you.

Now, be careful with your boundaries. You must never set a boundary for someone else that you don’t actually keep for yourself, or else they will consider your boundary a joke. In other words, don’t shriek, “stop yelling” at your screaming kids and expect them to take you seriously. More importantly, you must never let your consequences become empty threats.

What’s an empty threat? Well, do you remember the last time some kid started screaming in the middle of a store, and although the parents kept threatening to take the kid outside, they never actually took the kid outside?

You were probably less annoyed by the kid than you were by the parents because the parents were creating threats, not consequences.

A threat is when you tell someone that you’re going to do something, and then you don’t follow through. Whenever you threaten but don’t follow through, you’re basically saying, “Don’t believe me when I tell you something.” People stop listening when they don’t believe you; so never threaten a consequence that you don’t intend to carry out, or your words will be treated like jokes instead of boundaries.

By the way, consequences can also be rewards. You ask someone to do something, and then you explain the consequences of doing it. After they do it, they reap the reward. Some people call that bribery. I call it teaching people the value of free commerce and trade. What did you think a paycheck was anyway? A bribe, or the reward you get for working all week?

Once you learn to set clear and consistent boundaries for yourself and others, you’ll be rewarded with healthy relationships.

You can find more about this topic on Navigating Life’s website. Simply go to http://www.navigatinglife.org and visit the Galley for links to our full articles.

Lynn Marie Sager has toured over two-dozen countries and worked on three continents. Author of A River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating Life, Lynn currently lives in California; where she fills her time with private coaching, public speaking, and teaching for the LACCD and Pierce College. She runs the Navigating Life website, where she offers free assistance to readers who wish to incorporate the rules of worthwhile living into their lives. To read more about how you can use these rules to improve your life, visit Lynn’s website at http://www.navigatinglife.org

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lynn_Marie_Sager http://EzineArticles.com/?Saying-No-And-Setting-Boundaries—Understanding-The-Process-Of-Three-Strikes-Youre-Out&id=951635

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Boxes are really interesting things. It’s the first thing we see when we receive something as a gift. It tells us a lot about the size, weight and contents of what’s inside. I remember as a kid, picking up a light box for Xmas meant “clothes” and a heavy box generally meant “Toy”, especially if it rolled from one end of the box to the other upon tipping and shaking. A box can be a really great thing and bring a lot of joy. As a kid, I had a Remco Bulldog Tank, which I can still get a nice feeling from by looking them up for sale still on Ebay.� I won’t be buying one soon as they are around $300.� I remember the original price was around $12. But that box sure brought back memories and now, if I need one, I can get an empty Bulldog Tank box for a mere $50!

We all come in a box when we are born, and I don’t mean the womb.
Once we arrive, we are slipped into a box that we are generally expected to stay in for the rest of our life, depending on the topic.

Of course, we get the box of our family.� I personally grew up in the Orthodox Presbyterian box. I am Dutch and German and came to the planet in April of 1950 in Rochester, NY to a young couple who had already had three other kids, one severly handicapped and then me. My dad worked at Eastman Kodak and had managed not to be sent overseas to fight WW2 with his work for them counting as service. Had he been drafted, well I might never have gotten to write this. Moms parents had managed to accept an invitation from friends to postpone their Atlantic crossing in April of 1912 and stay until June to be in their wedding since they had intention of returning to Amsterdam once in America. So they didn’t take the Titanic that April.

No choice… just a family that is ready made.� A mom and dad, or maybe just a mom.� Various aunts and uncles and of course varieties of grandparents, who may or may not be thrilled we are here.��� The family may have lots of money and great stuff, or not much.� It might be in the US, Europe, Uzbekistan, China or Africa. We might be born into a great home on Oak Street or Heatherwood Way, or a village in Iraq, Namibia or on the outskirts of Shanghai.� No choices here for us to make. Just the way it is.� The family may be well employed, employed, underemployed or unemployed…again, no choices for us.

In this box we are born into, and mostly expected to stay forevermore in, we get a religion to grow up in. It might be Judaism, Catholicism, Buddhism, Islam, Hindu or a host of other “isms” that again we had no say in.� It is who others want us to be with all it’s laws, rituals and beliefs. They did the religious belief homework long before we arrived and we will love what they choose for us. If we don’t love it, it just may take longer to convince us.

Of course I am Catholic. I was born Catholic!� The idea that one cannot really be born with a whole religious belief system in place doesn’t seem to cross our minds. What we mean is we had no choice in our youth but to be programmed by those before us who had selected the truth of life for us that they generally got from those before them.� That box is just one size and you and I were expected to simply stay in that box, no questions asked. The trouble comes later in life when we seek to get out of the box we came in.

But often, as we get older, we find the box we are in no longer fits us.� While the tribe or family may be content with that box, a very small part of which they have never even explored themselves, we are not.� We might not be comfortable in the political part we inheirited, or the social and mostly the religious part we inheirited, and have to not just look around the box given, but actually look up and over the edge, to see what we can see. This is where the danger, criticism and head shaking comes to play in our lives and where we have to decide if looking over the edge of this given box is worth it.� We aren’t yet saying we are going to leave the box, but the threat to family, friends and even ourselves as we think about it is just about to manifest itself.

The criticism might come for reading outside the accepted and given box of ideas on all topics from religion to employment. One might catch it but good for getting caught having a different idea about sexuality or adherence to the established religious taboos that came in that original box.� The religious box you came in might demand a tithe of your income but you no longer feel the return on the “investment” is worth it, and perhaps God doesn’t really need your money.� There will always be someone in the tribe to warn you that you can’t be “blessed” with an idea, out of the box, like that.

It’s ok for businessmen to look outside the business box for better ideas or the scientific community to see outside the box of science to give us really cool stuff, but it is NOT acceptable for the individual to step outside the social, political or religious aspects of the tribal box, given at birth.

The tribe will hound you for missing Church or Wednesday night Bible study and suggest that Pastor so and so talk to you, hoping he can stuff you back in the box. Talk like a Democrat when “we are all Republicans,” and see what happens. Come to different conclusions about wars or presidents and see what happens.� You might just have a list of topics we don’t talk about in our box.

Sometimes they hope a counselor can do the same.� Perhaps they bring out the big guns and your Grandfather can talk some sense into you, after all, Grandpa has been in the original box for his entire life.� If it’s good enough for him and us, it’s good enough for YOU!� Someone might even be so hurt that you would want to see outside this given box, they scream and cry asking “what….you think we didn’t raise you with the right information?”� “What…you think we deliberately taught you wrong?”

Boy this stuff lays you low and can get you away from the idea of ever looking over the top of the box for a very long time.� Guilt, shame and fear are the tools used to keep the one who suspects bigger boxes in life than the ones we are all born into actually exist.� So most retreat and wither under peer, tribal or professional criticism.� And then there are those who press on no matter what. It can be a lonely trip at times.

When I needed a counselor to give me some guidance in that “out of the box” phase, I was lucky to have one that understood the concept of boxes.� He had outgrown a few of his own and understood the process well.� At my first session with him, he told me he used to be a minister.� Argh..perhaps I had made a poor choice of counselors.� I was not in the mood for Biblical quotations or a long list of “should’s” and “musts” that minister types are so want to appeal to when they run out of actual practical and common sense observations and perspectives.
But soon enough I learned that the “used to be a minister” was grounded in having outgrown that box and so we had some common ground here.� He thought it humerous to remind me he did not often have clients who had been “fired by God.”� I said “very funny.”

At any rate, I quickly learned that many people outgrow boxes and ministers are no exception.� Or at least many minister types want to outgrow the box they came in, or got at school, or their denominational headquarters and pastoral seminars designed to keep them in a particular denomination box. For years I went to “meetings” the sole purpose of which was to keep me in line and in the assigned box of acceptable theological perspectives. Of course, I thought that was the right thing to do and where I needed to be so I didnt “fall away.”� But in hindsite, it was simply programming designed to keep me on someone elses straight and narrow, and many of them also proved to be neither on the path of straight or narrow themselves.

That is often the case when we want to be be out of a box, but deem the price too high with tribe or Church.� We become duplistic or as Paul might say, “I became all things to all men…”� This is a concept that to me leaves me wondering then exactly who was Paul if he was so willing to put on whatever show needed to win over converts. What a duplistic and deceptive attitude. Does one ever meet the real person if that is how they view things.� “To the Jew, I became a Jew…”� I can’t become all things to all men, lest I lose myself in the charade.

After gettting well aquainted and sharing my particular story, I learned that I tended, and have all my life, to outgrow my own boxes very quickly.� Most never explore the one they are given at birth, I was reminded, which I have found to be true.� I evidently had a more inquisitive, open and free spirit, which would lend itself to not only looking over the edge of the box, but climbing out much to the anger, fear and chiding of the tribe.

This also tore at me as I have a “how can I help you” temperament which can lend itself to people pleasing and compliance if I am not honest with myself.� Sometimes we stay put for a very long time afraid to speak our mind, share our thoughts or even hint at changes in our perspectives.� It makes people angry and insecure and is the stuff or countless arguements or family tension.� I learned what topics to avoid as I did not, at that time, want the hassle, the look or the rebuttal.

I learned that outgrowing a box can be very lonely.� Most of those in the previous box spend their energy keeping you in the box, not overjoyed that you want out.� Most of those in the previous box will not accompany you on your new perspectives. They simply won’t leave the box with you, nor will they offer any support.� They might simply disappear from your life or refuse to be a friend until you return to the box. Or even if you do return, things can never quite be the same again, because you dared to even attempt an escape.

They can make you feel guilty as hell for evening thinking there were other boxes!� They will however remind you that the box you now need to be in is not as real, valid or good for you as the one you left.� As a result, many return to their harm in the long run.

“Dennis, you have two choices…”� I was told.� “You can keep exploring the bigger boxes that is your nature to do and probably go it mostly alone, or you can return to the box you just got kicked out of and feel a bit more secure and “happy.”� You also will probably be on antidepressants the rest of you life.”�� He seemed to know what he was talking about and I agreed.� I was already on those meds at the time, so that made perfect sense.

The anxiety and depression caused by outgrowing a box can be relentless until one developes the skills to deal with them.� For me it is staying present and out of the past where there is anger and guilt to deal with and the future where there is anxiety and fear waiting. Sitting in quiet meditation, a very difficult thing for one raised Dutch, Calvinistic and needing to always be “productive”, but actually is very therapeutic and enlightening. NOW is what we all have. Nothing more and nothing less.� I am not always successful, but I am getting better at it.� When you outgrow a box you genuinely could not stay in, it causes a lot of guilt issues as well and grieving for those that did not either want to come along or simply couldn’t.� I have often now found it almost insane to force a young couple, upon pain of eternal death and offending the Deity, to NEVER EVER CHANGE from this day forward, and yet not be told that EVERYTHING around you will change for the rest of your life. Makes no sense to me. This is where certain institutions seem simply designed to keep one compliant and obedient to the tribe and to stay in that birth box.

Outgrowing your boxes, if you as inclined to do it, is difficult in many many ways.� Most simply won’t do it when confronted with the tribe, the church and the consequences.� Sometimes we get pushed out of box whether we like it or not and in time will come to see that it was the best thing that could have happened, thought it feels for a very long time like the worst. What’s bad is often good and, of course, what’s good can sometimes end up not so good.� Some who win the lottery seemed chosen to teach us this.

So…we all came in a box of someone elses choosing. For many that works just fine and certainly uncomplicates life to some degree. But boxes were meant to be outgrown and while tribal goals can be met by staying put, personal goals, needs and perspectives can never be enlarged upon by staying in boxes.

Maybe somewhere there is the final box that opens to clear blue skies and pure truth.� I hope so.� But for now, just climbing up to the edge of the one you are in and taking a look out and around into a bigger box just might be good enough for now. If I climb out of this current one myself and find that patch of blue endless sky with pristine rivers and lakes, inhabited by beings of light, full of only love, acceptance and truth, you’ll all be the first to know.

Dennis Diehl is a boxed in human being doing the best he can at the moment…honest.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dennis_Diehl http://EzineArticles.com/?Out-of-the-Box&id=103603

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A Challenge to Educators to Welcome Change into Their Profession

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”—Benjamin Franklin

The idea of change can evoke a range of emotions from people—fear, anger, anxiety, resentment, excitement, relief or elation. But even for the elated, there is often at least to some extent, some fear or anxiousness at the thought of leaving what is known to delve into the unknown.  Change is an inevitable and ongoing process that permeates the educational profession and often leaves people feeling like their world has been turned upside down.  “Educators never arrive” is how the saying goes, because the clientele is never the same and there is never a “one size fits all” solution.  Change is not our enemy—it is actually the savior for our profession in that it will eventually force us to examine outdated practices and beliefs about how we instruct children.  Our enemy becomes our negative reaction to change which is often underlying with fear.

Signs of Fear

Saying you are not interested in…(whatever the change may be—new program, collaboration, the reform, etc.);

feeling so dissatisfied with your work but you won’t admit it to anyone (maybe not even yourself);

having a history of resisting any new initiatives;

vocalizing your dissatisfaction of the expectations and challenges set before you;

having no professional goals set for yourself;

excusing yourself from collaboration with coworkers or instructional coaches, saying that you don’t have the time;

stating there is nothing you need help with;

blaming lack of educational growth on the students (their home life, socio-economic level, behavior).

Utilizing Changes to be Productive

Do your own research about the new change (new initiatives, programs, professional development, etc.).

Find the opportunities within the change that will help learners and focus on that aspect

Seek out coworkers who vocalize satisfaction with the change.  Find out what they are doing and why it is working for them.

Keep in mind that the change is happening to help students, not to hurt you.

Set a goal for yourself (if you’re not sure how to do this, enlist the help of a coach, mentor or colleague). Focus on the goal and evaluate the results for effectiveness.

Be open to new idea. Trying ideas does not mean the old ones are wrong.  Sometimes the new and the old come together nicely.

Reframe your thinking about the reasons students are not growing.  Empower yourself to improve your instruction with new researched strategies.

Think about Franklin’s Definition of Insanity.  Have you been expecting new results using a one-size-fits-all type of instruction?  For students not progressing, it’s time to change.
Know that change is never complete but can be an essential component of your work as one change eventually leads to another.  You can influence its direction by collaborating with your coworkers to try out the new and determine how it can work for students.  Remember, when you have chosen one of the most important jobs in the world, you have to want different results and want to be the best you can be.  Start this by welcoming change as a new opportunity for your growth.

Kristen Gonzales

Educational coach, consultant and literacy coordinator http://www.elevateme.net

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kristen_Gonzales http://EzineArticles.com/?Coping-With-Change—Fear-or-Productivity?&id=689798

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