Our Comfort Zone: A Great Place to Visit, No Place to Live!

By Karin Marcus -

Ideally, our comfort zone is an individualized, protective world where we feel safe and secure, free from any anxiety producing risks or unexpected twists. Its walls only permit entry to the people, activities, and situations that support us. In stressful times when we are facing major challenges or feeling overwhelmed, our comfort zone can be a healthy place to visit for rest and renewal, a place to relax, be our self, and let down our guard.

The problem is that our comfort zone is a difficult place to leave. Without our knowing, its architect was inertia, who designed an unmovable monument to the past. Our so-called comfort zone was built to protect and enclose the person we used to be, with no consideration or vision for who we might become. Its brick and mortar are old habits and beliefs, which served us well at one time, but are now terribly outdated.

What we once perceived as our castle can become a prison. We feel stuck, bored, and uninspired. We idle away in neutral but are constantly exhausted. Or we expend tons of precious energy maintaining the status quo, while progressing nowhere.

Unfortunately, comfort zones are most often built on a major fault line. The forces that threatened their very existence are the most essential components of life – change and growth.

In truth, our future, all our untapped potential, lies outside the walls of our comfort zone.

So, how can we experience the intended benefit of comfort and still remain free to grow and change? Here are four important guidelines:

1. Have a Vision: It is important to have a vision of the person we were meant to be and to always be in the process of becoming. We must never stop asking, “What do I want to be when I grow up?” At any age, dreams keep us young and free.

2. Keep Stretching: If we want our dreams to come true, then we need to wake up! Unless they are exercised and stretched, muscles atrophy and so do our heartfelt yearnings. We need to actively keep reaching for our dream, moving forward one step at a time.

3. Rest with Purpose: Life is not linear. We can not keep charging forward, higher and higher. We need to find plateaus where we can rest, regroup and play. But we can also use this time to check our inner compass and realign our path with our values and purpose.

4. Be True to Your Self: Lasting comfort comes from knowing who we are and being at home in our own skin. We all have many parts to our personalities, but we need to spend time with the heart and soul behind this cast of characters. We need to invite that Self to come forward and direct our life.

Ultimately, the concept of a comfort zone is an oxymoron. Comfort and joy are the byproducts of a life well lived. They cannot be pursued for themselves and cannot be maintained within a delineated area. Comfort is a reward to be savored in moments of grace.

Copyright (c) 2011 Karin Marcus

Karin Marcus, MS, PCC Professional Certified Coach / Master Retreat Leader
“Let the beauty of what you love, be what you do” Rumi
Karin@Steppingoutcoaching.com
610-667-5247
http://www.SteppingOutCoaching.com.

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Authentic Self

By Linda Salazar -

Authentic Self, what does that mean exactly? According to the dictionary, authentic is, “Worthy of trust, reliance, or belief: Having an undisputed origin; genuine.”

Self is defined as, “The qualities of one person distinguishing him from another; personality or character; individuality. One’s own interests.”

If you’re unsure whether you’re living an authentic life or not, consider some of the following questions.

Do you feel successful on the outside but like a fraud on the inside? Is your public face a mask that reveals strength but the inside is scared? Do you have a sense of lingering loneliness in spite of the amount of people involved in your life? Are there people in your life that drain you? Does your career bring you a sense of peace and fulfillment? Do you make decisions based upon what others think or want just to be accepted?

Our Authentic Self is that place, deep within, that has the answers to all these questions. Where our truths, beliefs, values and dreams live; our “genuine,” our “individuality.” It is there that we know how we really feel, even though we may be uncomfortable admitting it to the world or even to ourselves at times. Finding your Authentic Self and bringing it forth can be scary, and yet, it can be one of the most freeing experiences of your life.

When you come from a place of authenticity you make choices in life that feels right to you. That resonates with your soul, without the concern of what others will think. When this is accomplished you take on a life of free will. And there is no greater gift than that of free will.

The nineteenth-century Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard said, “The most common despair is…not choosing, or willing, to be oneself, but the deepest form of despair is to choose to be another than oneself.”

If you’re someone who’s been living everyone else’s life other than your own, it’s never too late to awaken your Authentic Self and listen closely as the truth is whispered to you. This takes some courage. It means being willing to say no when you might normally say yes and the yes isn’t authentic. You may realize your truth is wanting a more simple life, one that doesn’t have to keep up with the Jones’. Whatever it is for you, be willing to create some personal time so you can get reacquainted with your Self and start to live your life. Allow yourself to be selfish.

If the word selfish makes you want to run away as fast as you can let me share a distinction with you between Selfishness and Self-interest, which should help you embrace the idea that being selfish is really okay.

Selfishness is when you take care of your Self, your needs, wants and life as a priority so you have plenty of emotional and physical reserve to be there for others without any resentment or anger. It’s about having your gas tank on full and when it starts to get low you fill it up again by taking care of your Self.

Self-interest is when you focus your attention and activities upon yourself to the exclusion of other people. There is no consideration for others.

So you see, when you take the time to be selfish, you’re creating the opportunity to live more authentically, bringing you more happiness, which ultimately benefits your family and friends.

Give your Self a gift today. Let go of your have to and should just for a little while. Slow down, listen to what you’re heart is telling you. What do you hear? Look inside. Who do you see? When you start to see a glimmer of your Authentic Self, allow it to flow to the surface and take the steps needed to begin your authentic journey. Remember, it’s the infinitesimal steps that can create the biggest transformation.

Linda Salazar
Certified Personal Life Coach, Author, Speaker
310-375-4800
Awaken The Genie Within®
Practical Strategies for Magical Results
www.awakenthegeniewithin.com
Linda@awakenthegeniewithin.com

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November 11, 2010 – Authentic Self

This above all:
To thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

~ From Hamlet, William Shakespeare

Authentic Self

By Linda Salazar-

Authentic Self, what does that mean exactly? According to the dictionary, authentic is, “Worthy of trust, reliance, or belief: Having an undisputed origin; genuine.”

Self is defined as, “The qualities of one person distinguishing him from another; personality or character; individuality. One’s own interests.”

If you’re unsure whether you’re living an authentic life or not, consider some of the following questions.

Do you feel successful on the outside but like a fraud on the inside? Is your public face a mask that reveals strength but the inside is scared? Do you have a sense of lingering loneliness in spite of the amount of people involved in your life? Are there people in your life that drain you? Does your career bring you a sense of peace and fulfillment? Do you make decisions based upon what others think or want just to be accepted?

Our Authentic Self is that place, deep within, that has the answers to all these questions. Where our truths, beliefs, values and dreams live; our “genuine,” our “individuality.” It is there that we know how we really feel, even though we may be uncomfortable admitting it to the world or even to ourselves at times. Finding your Authentic Self and bringing it forth can be scary, and yet, it can be one of the most freeing experiences of your life.

When you come from a place of authenticity you make choices in life that feels right to you. That resonates with your soul, without the concern of what others will think. When this is accomplished you take on a life of free will. And there is no greater gift than that of free will.

The nineteenth-century Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard said, “The most common despair is…not choosing, or willing, to be oneself, but the deepest form of despair is to choose to be another than oneself.”

If you’re someone who’s been living everyone else’s life other than your own, it’s never too late to awaken your Authentic Self and listen closely as the truth is whispered to you. This takes some courage. It means being willing to say no when you might normally say yes and the yes isn’t authentic. You may realize your truth is wanting a more simple life, one that doesn’t have to keep up with the Jones’. Whatever it is for you, be willing to create some personal time so you can get reacquainted with your Self and start to live your life. Allow yourself to be selfish.

If the word selfish makes you want to run away as fast as you can let me share a distinction with you between Selfishness and Self-interest, which should help you embrace the idea that being selfish is really okay.

Selfishness is when you take care of your Self, your needs, wants and life as a priority so you have plenty of emotional and physical reserve to be there for others without any resentment or anger. It’s about having your gas tank on full and when it starts to get low you fill it up again by taking care of your Self.

Self-interest is when you focus your attention and activities upon yourself to the exclusion of other people. There is no consideration for others.

So you see, when you take the time to be selfish, you’re creating the opportunity to live more authentically, bringing you more happiness, which ultimately benefits your family and friends.

Give your Self a gift today. Let go of your have to and should just for a little while. Slow down, listen to what you’re heart is telling you. What do you hear? Look inside. Who do you see? When you start to see a glimmer of your Authentic Self, allow it to flow to the surface and take the steps needed to begin your authentic journey. Remember, it’s the infinitesimal steps that can create the biggest transformation.

Linda Salazar
Certified Personal Life Coach, Author, Speaker
310-375-4800
Awaken The Genie Within®
Practical Strategies for Magical Results
www.awakenthegeniewithin.com
Linda@awakenthegeniewithin.com

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Which Do You Prefer: To Be Right or Happy?

By Peter Winslow -

Lately, I’ve become all too aware that I’m very fond of being right. As I pondered the premise, a real poser fell into my lap. What if there is no wrong? What if everything serves in some way?

There are well-established philosophies in the world that maintain no moral high-ground for the concepts of “right” and “wrong.” They simply regard life as a procession of action and consequence. It’s called karma, and it’s a very strong guiding influence. In the West, an urban poet once gave credence to the notion in expressing “If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.”

Why do so many people stake their happiness, if not their very sanity, on the need to be right? It’s a circuitous quest, considering that righteousness can be a moving target. Very often, what was right before may be left behind later on.

It was once considered proper to own human beings, until enough people deemed it no longer right to do so. The argument split our country in two, leading a nation to war against itself. Many on both sides of the issue met their ends believing they were right.

What aspect of humanity so fervently feels the need to be right, even in the face of death and devastation?

The critical thinking mind, called ego, is the aspect that pursues its rights and wrongs with reckless abandon. It frequently carries the unmitigated need to establish support for its beliefs, impress those beliefs upon others, and ultimately have them capitulate in agreement.

And yet, we’ve all witnessed people who are never flustered when others disagree with them. They make a distinction between authenticity and ego, making the choice to be happy. Happy with what? These people have chosen to be happy with who they really are. It follows that their egos are in alignment with the deeper aspect that observes without judgment from beyond the fray.

It makes sense when you realize that ego always wants to be right. It has to believe what it thinks is right, and no personality can be at rest with itself when it thinks the beliefs it lives by are wrong.

Conversely, the authentic self doesn’t cling to being “right.” It’s indefensible; it has nothing to defend. It resonates with being happy and at peace instead of being right.

Ego takes things personally, but to the core essence, the authentic self, nothing is personal. Initially, this can be a tedious distinction, but pay it your earnest attention and it becomes clear; in fact it’s simple. You want to pay attention, because this concept can change your life (and your health) for the better in many ways.

The next time you find yourself baited into an argument with a stubborn opponent, take the opportunity and put it to the test. Even if your ego is tying itself in knots over the issue, from the perspective of the true self, this exercise is liberating.

Do this: With sincerity, tell the person confronting you with an argument that they’re right, even if you’re sure that’s not the case. Remember, you are addressing their ego, which wants to be right. By agreeing with them, you will immediately take the wind out of their argument and defuse a potentially volatile situation. They may not even know how to respond to you, and the solution you seek will be easier to find.

The payoff: When people disagree with you, realize they’re not opposing the true you; they’re differing with the beliefs and constructs of your ego. By making a distinction, you essentially change the game. The solutions you seek are always near at hand when you make space for the authentic self to shine in the face of your challenges.

Peter Winslow, DcH is a Life Coach and Counselor. He connects his clients to their inner power for life changing results. He offers services, products and information for optimal health, happiness and personal enlightenment. What a difference the right voice can make in your life. Take an empowering journey with a free guided meditation mp3 by Peter Winslow at http://www.trueinnerbeauty.com.

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Are You Good Enough Yet?

By Valencia Ray MD -

Core confidence is the key to breaking the never-ending cycle of not being “good enough”. As you know “good enough” is relative so how could you ever make this determination as a way to being?

It is so connected to “doing” that you will always have something else to, well, do. Basing your confidence and self-esteem on what you accomplish, your job title or how much money you make is a bottomless pit – here today, gone tomorrow.

Do you want to continue to live like this? I think not. The way to peace of mind and true success and abundance is to get to the core of the matter. That’s why I speak about “core confidence” as the only type of authentic confidence to be uncovered.

Notice I said “uncovered”. This place of inner power is already there. It’s a place of inner knowing of courage that comes from the inside out. It takes courage to turn your attention away from seeking outside of yourself – including seeking love, security and self-esteem.

We are so conditioned from the time we are very young children to go after these human needs outside of ourselves and this will impact your level of achievement in every area of your life, including business, relationships and health. Why? Because mindset is at the root of all of the actions you take.

Perception forms your mindset and mindset forms your perception. It is a feedback loop. Until we understand that HOW you think is the foundation to what actions you take and what opportunities you can perceive to take advantage of, we cannot be effective or come from our highest potential.

It was not until I discovered how to root out the stories of not good enough, not enough, or not worthy that I could finally come from a place that get more and more unshakable every year.

Here’s a key tip: YOU are not your thoughts. As shocking as that may be to some people, what you think is not the same as who you are. Brain science can demonstrate this beautifully and it’s time to shift your paradigm.

Here is another point. In the early years, I considered myself a “spiritual seeker”, yet at some point, in order to be effective on this earth I had to get the “aha” that spirit and the everyday living of life needs to be integrated or else you can get “so heavenly bound that you are no earthly good”.

For example, I know this may be controversial for some people but I do not subscribe to the belief that money is not spiritual. Money is an innocent bystander to the consciousness that controls it. And if having money or desire to achieve is “bad” and not spiritual, then why as a “seeker” to bother to get out of the bed in the morning and go to work to get more money?

Why have any dreams to express your gifts? The key is to separate your sense of self and power from what you do.

Having wealth and goals make life interesting and can help raise the quality of life for all when used from an authentic, empowered space. Have plenty of both, but just be wise enough to not allow it to “have you”. Simple as that.

When you attach your very identity to money or achievement you will start to lose your authentic self for the ego sense, Mental Me, sense of self. This ego identity lives in the space of fear and separation from others. You have to have a sense of “ego” or human identity to function in the world. Yet, you need to separate “fact from fiction” and update this storytelling ego area of your brain so that you can let go of self-limiting perceptions.

When we learn how to drop the fear, the “Fictitious Evidence Affecting Reality” and learn what it means in a practical way to shine from our authentic self, we can truly live as confident women. I don’t know about you, but I plan on experiencing love, joy, peace and prosperity in my business, relationships and health. It does not have to be either/or and life was not meant to be one drama after another.

No, the answer lies within. It comes from accepting who you are and cultivating your unique gifts and talents. The “cures” for our woes start with understanding the science behind how our brains and minds work and being lead by spirit/intuition, the inner wisdom of our Authentic Self.

This is the path of true power. The world does not give this type of confidence and self-esteem and the world cannot take it away. What do you think?

Website: Visit http://www.ValenciaRay.com for your free jump-start report & audio, “7 Common Myths That Block Your Vision for Your Life – And What to Do About It”

Valencia Ray MD is a former eye surgeon who with clear intention sold her medical practice to now show women entrepreneurs and professionals how to eliminate blind spots that block their true potential and limits their vision for business success, happy relationships and good health.

Every week she gives uncommon tips and strategies in her Mind Muscle Minutes and blog, to expand your vision for your business, relationships and a healthy lifestyle, and how to make it happen! You can claim your free reports and learn more at http://www.ValenciaRay.com

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What Mask Are You Wearing? How to Become Your Authentic Self

By Pat Mussieux -

Who are you? What do you do? These are common questions as we go about our daily lives.

These are very difficult questions for many people who are currently unemployed, newly retired, ‘stay at home’ Moms, and so on. In today’s society, we place so much value on what we do – our label, if you will.

As women, we typically grow up as ‘people pleasers’. We lose sight of who we are, really; if, in fact, we ever figured it out! As women, also, we tend to compare the inside of us to the outside of everyone else. That needs to stop.

Everyone has a story and most people are wearing their own mask.

There is a level of existence called our ‘authentic self’. It is the YOU that can be found at your very core. It has nothing to do with our job, our function, our role in life. But rather, it is the combination of all our natural talents, gifts, wisdom, skills and so on. But many of us go through life not knowing or believing that we are good enough. So, we put on our mask – you know the one – for when we:

  • Deal with certain family members
  • Interact with business associates
  • Attend social events

This is our fictional self. We take on this persona and go through our daily lives wearing one mask after another.

Along with this, we teach people how to treat us. You may have found it easier to live your life this way.

But living life this way drains you of the critical identity and energy that you need to reach your goals and your dreams. I was the ‘people pleaser’ in my family. My father would often call on me to ‘make things better’ among the siblings. (I am sure that many of you can relate to this!) When my father passed away, many years ago, I buried all my masks with him. I made a conscious decision that day to begin to live an authentic, effective, progressive life – to use my talents and gifts and become the person I was meant to be in this life. My father often told me to “be happy with what you have”, “don’t get too big for your britches’ – and so I lived a ‘small’ life. He meant well and I loved him dearly! But having worked with cognitive techniques for the past 20 years, I have learned that there is so much more to living a full life and that’s what I wanted. And, as Maya Angelou says, ‘when you know better, you do better‘!

Pat Mussieux is an expert coach on mind-set and goal-setting techniques, helping female baby-boomers add more happiness to their daily lives. To get your free CD: “The 10 Steps2Happiness”, visit http://www.steps2happiness.com

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Can You Just Be?

By Irene Conlan -

Last night was “kid night” at our house. A friend was here with her four children and Jack, my grandson, was here for the weekend. They’re great friends and engage in continuous play with lots of laughs and some occasional “ouches” and rarely, some tears.

We had taken some pictures of the oldest boy for a school project and, just as I settled back into my chair, the three pictured above came bubbling into my living room. “Gramma, Gramma,” they chirped, in something akin to unison but a bit askew, “Take our picture. Will you take our picture? Pleeeeeeeeeeze?” Puleeeeeeze?”  How could I resist a plea like that? I couldn’t.

So we snapped away amid giggles and antics and then loaded them into the computer so we could see them better. The little one who is three looked at his picture in astonishment and started singing, “Look at me. Look at me” with a smile that ravished his entire face. He was inside my computer and just couldn’t figure out how he got there – and he was loving it. The six year olds acted like they understood and smiled at him condescendingly – my Grandson explained the whole thing in a way that even he couldn’t understand but none of us really cared that it didn’t make sense. It was all we needed to know about the matter.

They bounced out just as quickly as they bubbled in, seemingly satisfied that their posing and preening was equally as important as the older brother’s and I heard them giggling all the way down the hall and then on into the evening.

I think we can learn some of our greatest life lessons from children. Sometimes it seems like they should be the teachers and we the students but instead we try to cram our ideas, manners, ways of being into them and make them just like us. Such a pity.

Last night the three were dressed up for pictures and they were pretending to be somebody else. Jack was a pilot, Rowdy was a clown and Jade was a cowboy. They didn’t have to be the same and they took their characters from the hats that were available. They announced that Jade was the Sheriff and Jade fingered his badge and pushed his hat back a little bit. At that moment he WAS the sheriff even though he doesn’t know what a sheriff is.

Sometimes we adults pretend to be someone or something we are not but the difference is that the children know they’re pretending and sometimes we come to believe our own fantasy. Because we have a title, or some money or a big house or some claim to fame, we come to believe that we are different from everyone else and much more important. We forget that just because we are human and on this planet, we are beautiful, important, special and we only have to be our authentic selves.

But even worse, sometimes we pretend that we are worthless, unworthy, not good enough and we come to believe it, leaving our hopes and dreams to languish unfulfilled.  There is a saying, “God don’t make no junk.”

The children know who they are after the pretend game is over.  Do you? Who are you? If you could take off the costume, the hat, the pretenses, the aliases who would  you be?

Today would be a good day to find out.

Then for a time you can relax and just be.

A Dance Between Google and Self Improvement

google

By Irene Conlan -

Google and I must be in some kind of contemporary dance. For the last two or three months this blog has been traveling around Google landing on pages seemingly at random. I’ve been trying to figure it out and, along the way, found some self improvement lessons – quite a surprise. I never know where the lessons are going to come from and I didn’t expect one from Google.  Let me explain.

For a long time I was on the first page of Google and the traffic to my site was steadily increasing. Then sometime in September the traffic suddenly diminished. I wasn’t doing anything different so I started posting more articles. I came back to page one. Again in October the blog disappeared.  I went through Google page by page searching the key words “self improvement” and finally found The Self Improvement Blog on page 86. Holy Cow, what happened? I was using a lot of Ezine articles then so I started writing original articles as often as I could. (I love Ezine – some of thearticles are fantastic).  The blog returned to page one within two weeks. This happened again in November when I used several articles on 3 – 4 consecutive days.   On Tuesday of this week I used an Ezine article because the schedule went bonkers and I didn’t have time to write. Well, guess what? Today I’m on page three of Google and my traffic is down.

So I did my “What am I supposed to learn from this?” exercise. It’s very simple. I try to get quiet – into a meditative state if possible (sometimes my mind is too busy to shut up) -  and ask the question, “What’s the lesson here?”

I didn’t like the answer but what I was ‘“Be your authentic self.”

Fine. How do I do that?  Well, how do I do that for the blog?

Write your own stuff – every day – at least one original article.

Hey, give me a break now and then.

Have others write original stuff for you.

Oh.

“Be your authentic, be original, be consistent”.  Those are the lessons that came from this.

Talking about being your original self and using articles that have been made available to me by experts and non-experts through an online article service doesn’t seem non-authentic to me. Actually I had never given it any thought. I’m not an expert in every facet of self improvement – no one is – but I do “get it.”  If I’m talking about  others being authentic, then this blog has to be authentic – new, different, unlike every other blog on the Internet.

And, since one of the big self improvement issues is being your authentic self we need to address it in an authentic way.  We need to work on asking and answering the questions:

  • Who are you?
  • What about you is different from anyone else you know?
  • What about you is special, unique? (Don’t give me that “I’m not special” stuff – I don’t buy it).
  • What do you love?
  • What makes you happy?
  • If you didn’t think you had to be like someone you know, or like someone told you to be, or like some movie or TV star – how would you show up in the world?
  • What would happen if you stopped conforming and became the free spirit that you are?
  • Is it safe to be different?
  • And to paraphrase Willie Wonka, “So many questions, so little time.”

And so today I commit to posting all new articles. Not necessarily all by me, but all original (Would YOU like to write an article for the Self Improvement Blog? You are invited to do so).

In 2010 let’s adventure together in the pursuit of the authentic self. Sounds like fun to me.

Thanks, Google. I know you didn’t plan the lesson but lessons come from all kinds of situations, don’t they?

The Wisdom of Happiness

By Michael Sean Symonds   http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Michael_Sean_Symonds

A Meditation master once said that the purpose of life is the expansion of happiness…

Human beings have always sought happiness (pleasure) over pain.  Most spiritual philosophies warn us of the pursuit of pleasure (desires) and its consequences.  Some suggest that we must wait for happiness; it could be the coming of a savior, after we die, or after we accumulate certain merits or karma.  The world of spirituality and new age doctrines package the pursuit of happiness in colorful wrapping paper offering a variety of methods and practices that propose to reveal or deliver the experience of happiness in the here an now. [Read more...]