Self-Improvement | Balance | The Self Improvement Blog

Work at Home – Setting Boundaries Between Work and Life

March 19, 2012 By Admin 1 Comment

Working at home is often a complicated balancing act between home life and working life. However, you need to take special care to ensure that your home life is kept separate from your working life, and vice versa. Working at home does you no good in offering you convenience and more time when you work 24/7, and not working will have the same effect. The best way to set boundaries to differentiate your work and home lives when you work at home is to set schedules and rules regarding your work. Set a daily routine for working, including a start time and a stop time that is comfortable for you. Ensure that your family is aware of this schedule so that you are not disturbed during this time.

Another way that you can set boundaries is to have a separate office space that is for work only. If your home office is all that you have, you can designate it as a work only space during certain hours to ensure that you get the work done without interruption when you need to. You should also consider keeping your personal computer and work computer separate if you can. Granted, not everyone can afford to have separate computers for everything, but if you can this is a great way to do it. You definitely need at least two computers if you have a family, so that your work is not disturbed when the family wants to use the computer for their own needs.

When it is time for work to be done, stop working. Leave whatever is undone for the next day, unless you have a critical deadline to meet. Make sure that you do whatever you can to keep the peace between these two realms. Working too much can create undue stress, but so can not working enough. Finding the balance can be a challenge, but it is one that you can meet if you are adequately prepared for the task at hand. Just take the time to establish these boundaries and you will be one step ahead in the right direction.

No one can tell you what boundaries are right for you, or which ones you need to set. You need to determine this for yourself, so do whatever is best for you. If you work as a contract employee or own your own business you should be able to work at your convenience. However, if you are an employee on a remote basis for a company, they might need you to work their hours instead. Keep all this in mind, and set boundaries that will allow you to enjoy a productive work at home career while maintaining a personal life that you can enjoy.

Tony Jacowski is a quality analyst for The MBA Journal. Aveta Solutions – Six Sigma Online (http://www.sixsigmaonline.org) offers online six sigma training and certification classes for lean six sigma, black belts, green belts, and yellow belts.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tony_Jacowski
http://EzineArticles.com/?Work-at-Home—Setting-Boundaries-Between-Work-and-Life&id=4103352

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: balance, self improvement, setting boundaries, work at home

5 Steps to Bouncing Forward and Building Resilience

February 19, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Charmaine Hammond -

Work-Life Harmony… Balance… Whatever you call it, is a challenge at the best of times. Resilience is one key to maintaining wellness. Resilience is often defined as the ability to bounce back after change, challenge, crisis and adversity; however, I have learned that bouncing back might mean simply recovering. To bounce forward is to be resilient. Here are six tips to building resilience and bouncing forward.

Examine Expectations and your Mindset

Take a close look at your mindset. Are your thoughts and words consistent with resilience or stress? Changing our mindset first requires a decision (e.g. to be resilient or to practice resilience everyday). Then it can be helpful to repeat affirmations that keep that decision active in your mind, and in your actions. Have a meeting with yourself, with one agenda item: Expectations. Are your expectations of yourself (and others) realistic, appropriate, healthy, and doable? If your expectations are verging on perfectionism, what can you adjust to be more real? Picking a Priority This is easier said than done because in the heat of a moment, when deadlines approach or when stress levels are high everything feels like a priority. Identify what the most urgent and important priorities are and put the others aside. Get crystal clear on the focus (draw the lines in your mind), and zero in on the tasks that will help you move the priorities to completion. This may require saying “no”, setting boundaries, or asking for help. A great strategy is to have a red file folder that has the five “urgent tasks” you must complete each day, then begin your day tackling those tasks first.

Silence the Negative Internal Chatter

We all have internal chatter (our internal dialogue) that starts from the moment we wake up until we go to bed. In fact, some reports suggest that we process 60,000 thoughts per day. It is important to be self aware and alert to when the chatter has been turned on because often this internal chatter will be self limiting, self defeating and negative. Instead of worrying, focus on an action plan and put it into motion. Replace negative or self defeating thoughts with affirming and hopeful ones. Ask the Big Question – Will this matter in six months? – Will it matter next week? – How about tomorrow? – What’s the worst thing that can happen if…..? – What’s the best thing that can happen if….? – What advice would I give my best friend in this situation? – What does my gut tell me?

Manage Technology Before it Manages You

Technology, email, social media, texting can be helpful (or necessary to our work), however, it can become time consuming. Several ways to manage technology is to check emails at several intervals during the day instead of having your email constantly on. Of course never respond to emails or texts when you are upset, and avoid checking emails before bed.

Bonus Tip: Minimize Multi-Tasking and Use Single Tasking Instead When we multi-task we are often distracted, zone out, unfocussed, cluttered, and too busy. This can come through in our actions, thoughts, our communication and behaviours (and ultimately our results). Instead of multi-tasking, try single tasking. Work on one task until completed, then move to the next.

Bouncing Forward� requires daily actions to resilience. One step each day yields 365 action steps each year!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Charmaine_Hammond
http://EzineArticles.com/?5-Steps-to-Bouncing-Forward-and-Building-Resilience&id=6784217

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: balance, equilibrium, overcoming, resilience, self improvement

Tips To Create Balance in Your Life

January 7, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Kari Farmer -

I grew up around unbalanced parents. My mom was a workaholic and my dad enjoyed sitting in front of the TV. I now know that in order to be happy you have to have some sort of balance in your life – which my parents didn’t have and haven’t managed to find.

I think that many people are stuck with a lack of balance in their life. There are many areas of life including working or taking action, learning, taking care of our health, spending time with loved ones, and just relaxing. When you focus too much on one area and forget about the rest it can negatively affect you by encouraging stress, anxiety, and health problems to come along.

For example, if you work too much you may not take any time to relax and enjoy life, and this can burn you out and cause you to become sick, frazzled, and even depressed. Relaxation and recuperating is important in life in order to be happy and feel balanced.

On the other hand, if you take too much time laying on the couch you can let life pass you by and forget about your dreams, goals, and health. This can have a negative affect on your health and ability to be happy as well, because you are not focusing on things that will make you feel accomplished and alive.

Balance may not be the same for everyone. One person may feel balanced when they put more focus on work and less on relaxation, but they still put focus on other areas of their life, and that’s the key to balance. You have to enjoy a well-rounded life that doesn’t just consist of one thing or the other.

Some Tips to Help You Create Balance

1. Learn To Listen To Your Body

Your body knows when it’s time to take a break and when it’s time to get moving. It’s craving that balance that it needs. You just need to tune into your body and listen to it!

If you have been working too hard you will get signals that you need to relax. You may feel stressed which is a sign of not taking time to relax and recoup. You may feel like you are drifting away from your family which is a sign of not spending time with loved ones. You may be gaining weight which is a sign of sitting behind your desk too much. There are many signs that you may be getting and once you tune into them you will find it easy to understand what you need in order to feel balanced again. The trick is actually doing it!

2. Learning to Say No

It’s not going to help much if you listen to your body but don’t take action on what it’s telling you. Often this is because you are afraid to say no. For example, even though you know you need to relax and recoup, your boss asks you to work extra hours, so you say yes instead of taking the break you need.

Another common example is that you may feel as though you need to get out and exercise but your favorite TV show has come on and you don’t want to miss it (or say no) so you ignore your body and watch the show instead.

You have to willing to listen to your bodies signals and respect them if you want to create balance in your life. Your health and happiness is more important than a few extra hours at work or a TV show. Keep that in mind when debating to say yes or no.

3. Create a Balance Checklist

I have a balance checklist sitting right beside my computer. It contains a list of all the things I think are important to create balance like working, learning, exercising, meditating, and spending time with my husband. Every day I try to do each thing on my list. If I’m successful I feel always balanced at the end of the day, and if I’m not successful it’s usually because I got signals to work more for the day or relax more for the day, which makes me feel good as well.

You can create a balance sheet by listing all the things you think are important to you in life. Then create a table of Monday to Sunday and put your list under each day. As you go along with your week make sure to pay attention to the list and check off the individual tasks as you go along. Your objective should be to check off as many things on your list as you can.

Not only will creating a list to maintain balance help you stay balanced throughout the day, but soon you will find that creating balance in your life will become a habit and you will no longer need your checklist.

The bottom line is in order to be happy in life, you have to create balance. So do what works for you!

Kari writes for Manifest Connection, a personal development website focused on the happiness of the mind, body, and soul.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kari_Farmer
http://EzineArticles.com/?Tips-To-Create-Balance-in-Your-Life&id=6760417

Filed Under: Featured Tagged With: balance, Life Balance, self improvement, tips to create balance

Stuff

August 24, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Tommy Wittig -

Many of us have stuff. Lots of stuff. Many of us have more stuff than we know what to do with. Yet, with all of this stuff, there is seldom a day that goes by that we don’t wish for more stuff; a bigger house; a newer car; another gadget (insert your toy of choice here_______.); a bigger TV; on and on and on it goes.

What is it with this desire to have more? Why do we keep wishing for more? To this I say, I am guilty. To be sure, I wouldn’t dare write out my thoughts on this subject without admitting that the very thought of this subject stems from my own experience and examples. I say it all too often, but it bears repeating; I am a student of life. Little of what I have to say is ever an attack on others’ behaviors and actions. Most of what I say is based on my own behaviors and actions. This one is no different.

When it comes to stuff, believe me, I have stuff. Stuff packed neatly in boxes with the notion “These are collector’s items. Can’t get rid of these!”. Stuff pushed into my nightstand because “I just need a day to go through it all.” Stuff in my closet that “I might wear this again someday.” Stuff in our Storage because “It’s sentimental.” I even have stuff in my sock drawers because “It’s easier to get at those things when I need them.”

Not a day goes by when I don’t find myself wanting more stuff. Whether it’s stuff to replace the stuff I already have, or just more stuff, I want it. I mean c’mon, who wouldn’t want a brand new iPad or a new 2011 Camaro? Just turn on your television at any given time and the commercials will assault you and entice you with their seductive ways, getting into your head and inspiring you to run out and whip out the plastic for some more stuff you really don’t need.

I mean, I really don’t need an iPad. I really don’t need a Camaro. Really, when it comes down to it I have more stuff than I will ever lay hands on and use, truth be told. I am ashamed to admit it, but I have a collection of movies that just sit on the shelf, unopened, collecting dust. Real good use of money there, right? …well, maybe I can get around to watching those movies, but for now, they’re just taking up space…

In the wide-world of Tommy, there is this little thing I call balance. I love balance. Why? Because it keeps me centered. I mean what is balance really but finding the center and equally dispersing things to one side and the other? In my world of “stuff”, I am out of balance. I wouldn’t say I am completely out of whack and falling off to one side, but I would say that I have more than I need. But isn’t that true for most of us? Boil it down, and I guess when you talk about absolute necessities, we’re simply talking about Food, Clothing and Shelter. Toss in some Oxygen and Water and we’re golden. We can survive with those few things. But for those who would take such a rigid stance like this, once again, we’re out of balance.

While the necessities of life will always have their place, the wants in life also need their place. Our “stuff” needs a place where we can mess around with it and have some fun with it. Stuff needs a time and a place. It’s only when our stuff becomes more important than our necessities that we fall out of balance. I find that if my mindset is so focused on wanting stuff, I am cynical, envious and downright nasty. That selfish part of me rises up and rears it’s ugly head causing me to take out my frustrations of perceived lack onto the very people I love. Yuck! But when I sit my butt down and take a good look around me, I see that I have so much. “Count your blessings” is what I hear my folks telling me. Their words bounce around inside my head like an echo bouncing off a canyon wall. I begin to count my blessings and realize that I have too many blessings to count!

You see, the stickiest web we can get caught up in is the tendency to overlook and appreciate what we already have. All too often we focus on what we don’t have while all the good stuff we do have sits on a shelf collecting dust, just like those damned movies I have yet to watch.

What would happen if we all dug out our stuff and decided that if it hasn’t been touched in 3 months we put it away for another 3 months and revisit it? What would happen if we all dug out our stuff and said if it hasn’t been touched in 6 months it’s going to a Garage Sale? What would happen if we all dug out our stuff and said if it hasn’t been touched for over a year we gave it all to charity? Seriously, we all have stuff that falls into one of these categories but we just keep packing it away while we pile up new stuff on top of it all. Myself included.

I think it’s time to recognize how much we truly have. I think it’s time to appreciate everything we have. There’s a saying that goes something like this; “Before wanting what you don’t have, try wanting what you do have.” I mean, c’mon…is this message new to you? I sincerely hope not! I keep telling you all that my philosophies are not new and they’re not handed down to me from the heavens as unique revelations. These are the lessons we have all heard (I hope) but it’s my job to remind you of it all.

Count your blessings and focus on what you already have. Don’t worry about the new stuff out there. Trust me on this, there will always be new stuff out there. In a month, that wickedly cool gadget that has you drooling for it, will be replaced with a new and improved gadget that will once again have you drooling. So let it go. Balance out your wants and your needs. Balance out the stuff you have and the stuff you don’t have. Appreciate what you have first and foremost and when the time comes around for you to get the new stuff, you will appreciate it so much more.

Tommy lives in Brooklyn Center, MN with his Wife, Kimberly and their three children, Jayden, Rachel and Zachary. When he is not writing or speaking, you will find him playing Guitar and Drums with his Band. A self-taught musician and Head-Banger at heart, Tommy takes his love for Rock And Roll center stage with a style that is rare in the Self Improvement field. “I coined the phrase ‘No suit, No tie, All business’ because I wanted to be different in my approach to the people I hope to reach. You’ll find a long-haired, T-shirt and Jeans wearing guy lecturing you on Personal Responsibility and Integrity. We’ve all heard it from the Suits, and while I am not knocking them, I think there is a new generation of people coming up that don’t wear the suits and ties and want someone they can relate to. That’s where I hope to come in.”

To learn more about Tommy, you can find him on Twitter [@tommywittig], Facebook and his Blog, www .expertofnonexpertise .blogspot .com

You can also email him at tommywittig@gmail.com.

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: balance, clutter, self improvement, stuff

The Four Legs of Meaning and Happiness – How To Balance Your Life

May 10, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Dr. Robert Henry Schwenk -

The four legs I am speaking about are meaning and purpose, positive emotions, relationships and accomplishment.

Yes, you can balance a table on three legs, sort of a tripod affair. Our kitchen table is on one giant pillar, but that pillar has four feet. The usual table has four legs. Why? Because it is the most stable while offering the most support. If you have a rectangular table-top, a leg at each corner will stabilize the design.

Just so with your life. While three legs will keep you up and stable, four legs are even better at stabilization and support, harder to tip over. And you can start at any of the four to keep your life stable. All you need do is begin and then move through all four points on a regular and consistent basis. Let’s begin. Leg One is Meaning and Purpose.

What is the meaning of your life? I submit to you that the meaning of your life is to be happy. All the sages of all the ages have not found a better definition of meaning for you. But happiness is not simply a joyful countenance or a laughing smile.

It means that deep within you, you have a well of strength and resolve to live a positive life. That attitude is sustained by your connection to the Prime Presence. (Some folks will name this God. Whatever designation works for you is fine. Just not the usual God of thunder and wrath.)

This foundational leg means that you know you are loved beyond conditions. When you are loved in such a manner, you realize that you are happy because nothing that happens or does not happen can ever cut you off from that passion. The Universe has a passion for you.

From happiness, then, comes meaning and from meaning comes purpose. Your purpose and meaning integrate with life. It is your purpose to be happy. That is the reason you are here. In happiness you experience. Every act and word and thought applied in a positive way is what you experience. This simply means that in everything you advance the constructive mode.

From this we move on to the second leg which is living with affirmative emotions. This does not mean that you are never sad or mournful. Someone dies who was close to you and grief will be the appropriate emotion. But do not forget the positive things about his or her life and personality.

In all things you accentuate the optimistic. Sadness has its part in your life. But you also always try to bring to bear upon your feelings and experiences that which is the most reconstructive. Bring to bear that which builds as oppose to that which destroys.

Therefore, we move on to the third leg: human relationships. When you try to bring into everyone’s life that which builds, you develop relationships that affirm the existence of the other in the relationship and affirm you yourself. Face it, relationships that are negative destroy, sometimes devastate. You do not want that, of course.

So when you attempt to make relationships about building others up, you will find others helping you to build up your own life. Any activity that would cut down another person, especially in a relationship, is to be avoided. Vigorously, scrupulously averted.

Do you see, then, that your relationships will be creative and formative? Anything less is not as meaningful as it could be.

So then we come to the fourth leg: accomplishment. So far, I believe you can see, you are developing a life of meaning. It is circular reasoning. You start in one place, go around to other places and come back, naturally to the beginning again.

Using all that you own from happiness, positive emotions, and constructive relationships, you can know you have a life of accomplishment.

In that life of accomplishment, you work to make the best you are able for everyone and everything. This is true altruism, in my book.

It may sound as if I have placed a great burden on you. You are to accomplish so much. Remember that you are loved by the Source of Being unconditionally. So no matter what you do, it is accepted without question. Whatever amount you put together, you have won. In that freedom, then, you can see whatever else you may accomplish.

I do not give you tasks you must complete. What you do with your life is up to you. No one else. I give you, instead, the freedom to grow as you see you way clear to doing so. I do not burden your life. I give you liberty to make the best of your life as you will.

So, the four legs to the table of a balanced life are these:

1. Meaning and purpose through happiness.

2. Developing and keeping positive emotions.

3. Constructive relationships.

4. Accomplishment in the way that fits you.

This has been Dr. Bob 4 U, and I invite you to change your life for the better by claiming your Free Instant Access to a Force-Source-Resource. Just Click Here. Remember, one bit of information can give you a lifetime of satisfaction.

My log: http://themeaningoflifewithdrbob.com/drbobslifephrases

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Robert_Henry_Schwenk
http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Four-Legs-of-Meaning-and-Happiness—How-To-Balance-Your-Life&id=6254168

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: able, balance, Happiness, happy, legs, meaning in life, meaning of life, positive life, to be happy

Meditation Anyone?

April 13, 2011 By ireneconlan 1 Comment

By Irene Conlan -

The Chopra Center started it’s Spring 21 Day Meditation Challenge today and it’s not too late for you to join in. For those of you who have never meditated, it is the perfect way to get started and, by the end of the three weeks you will know it is something you want to continue. For those of you who are seasoned meditators, it is a confirmation, a refresher, a change of pace that will put new energy into your daily meditation.

You don’t have to be religious or consider yourself deeply spiritual to meditate although your spirit basks in meditation. Why would you want to meditate? Research has scientifically proven that meditation is a safe and simple way to balance your physical, emotional, and mental state and its countless values have been known and practiced for thousands of years. What are the benefits?

It is the best stress reliever available. It’s like a switch that turns off the everyday worries, anxiety points, tensions and gives you a period of pure relaxation.
Clears your mind and helps you control your thoughts.
Enhances concentration
Helps you live in the moment
Lets you experience moments of peace, reflection, and, yes, sometimes bliss
Has physical benefits – lowered heart rate, respiration and blood pressure.
Opens the doors of creativity – often after a period of meditation you will find answers to questions you have been pondering, solutions to problems you have been wrestling with, and insights into how to accomplish your goals.
your relationship with yourself will deepen and you will begin to notice an increase in self esteem, self awareness and self confidence
Leaves you with a greater feeling of well being
And so much more

Some people shy away from meditation because they think it takes too much time. If this is a worry for you, start slowly – with five or ten minutes – and increase it as you feel the need. You will find that in the Chopra meditations they gradually increase the time spent but rarely go beyond 20 minutes. Isn’t that time well spent to realize even one of the benefits listed above? I’m doing it for the third time. Yep! 3 times. I love their meditations and get such a boost from them. Join me.

All you need to do is register. Simply go to http://www.chopra.com/meditationchallenge

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: balance, living in the moment, meditation, stress relief

How To Cope When Things Go Wrong: Cultivating Perspective, Balance, And Gratitude

February 25, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Paula Apfelbach

Perspective, balance, and gratitude: these often-elusive but always-helpful states of mind will help you to cope with life’s stresses and to reduce worry when bad times inevitably come. The next time you’re bogged down, consider some of these methods for rising out of your funk.

Put it in a box

Compartmentalizing is something that we do in many areas of our lives, every time we put something away in a box or bin or other container. Therefore, do the same whenever you’re sad or worried or upset: acknowledge the legitimacy of those feelings, give yourself some time to wallow around in them, but then try to place them into a mental “box” and move on to other thoughts. You can always bring your mental box back out and rummage around in it again later, but if grief and worry are allowed to take their natural courses, they’ll flow throughout the parts of your life that are working well and sully them. So give your upsets their due — but no more than their due.

Appreciation: it doesn’t get any better than this

Enumerating your blessings — especially the basic, humble things — is a powerful reminder never to take even the most mundane element of daily life as a given, and cultivating that “attitude of gratitude” is a goal worth pursuing all year long, not just when the calendar says that it’s Thanksgiving time. Truly, I can’t think of a more effective or reliable way to cultivate balance and perspective than being appreciative and refusing to take things for granted.

Play the “How could it be worse?” game

Okay, so maybe a state of continuous appreciation is a little too Pollyanna for you. If your gratitude occasionally fails and you start to feel sorry for myself, try the opposite approach to regain perspective: engage in the rather morbid-sounding “How could it be worse?” game. The way you play is to think of a negative situation in your life and then mentally turn it into something worse. If you’re anything like me, it will take only about one nanosecond before you realize that any upsetting circumstance you’re now experiencing could be worse — even much worse — and perhaps you do have it pretty good.

Another way to look at this is to remember that everything is relative. What’s awful one day may be only a drop in the bucket the next, and, thankfully, vice versa. Railing against the reality of life’s ebbs and flows will not change that reality. A mantra that I created for myself seems to apply here: “It isn’t fair; it just is.”

You always have options — even when you’re convinced you don’t

I don’t want to “go all motivational speaker” on you, but when life is crushing in on you and every single thing seems utterly imperative, it’s easy to forget that you do have options — it just seems like you don’t. One means to shake off this sense of imperatives is to do a little visualization exercise. My favorite example involves running off to Paris to become a painter creating masterpieces along the banks of the Seine…

“But of course,” you say, “I could never actually do that. What about my family and friends? My business? My dog? My mortgage? My Glee episodes?!” And right then the great majority of people would conclude that abandoning their current lives would be impossible, and they’d dismiss their painterly dreams because their priorities lie much more strongly elsewhere. And that’s not wrong in any way. My only point is that being a Parisian painter actually is an option if it’s of a higher priority than those other life elements. It’s just that it probably seems so ludicrous that most people wouldn’t even view it as an option.

And so it goes with a lot of activities: they seem critically necessary until you realize that perhaps not quite all of them deserve top-priority ranking. So take a while to evaluate how you’re spending your time. If you then choose to continue as you have been, you can feel great about living according to your highest values. But if you discover that there’s room for change, then exercise those options that you perhaps didn’t even know you had.

Accepting your limitations empowers you like little else

We’re all familiar with theologian Reinhold Neibuhr’s “Serenity Prayer,” about accepting the things we cannot change, changing the things we can, and having the wisdom to know the difference. It reminds me that there is relatively little in life that any one individual can control (despite our wishes to the contrary), so we have very little to complain about! In other words, why fret about something you can change, and why fret about something you cannot change?

Fill out a “life report card”

Most of us stopped receiving report cards a long time ago, but they might be worth reinstating. Create a list of all of the major areas of your life — relationships, occupation, leisure, spirituality, health, fitness, intellectual pursuits, finances, and whatever else is important to you — and grade yourself in each area. If you like your grades, celebrate! But, if some disappoint you, figure out what you can improve. Remembering that you can’t control everything might come in handy here, but recalling that you do have options might also come in handy. If you’re tempted to claim that you absolutely cannot change some aspect of your life, think twice: can you?

Perspective, gratitude, and balance: All are within reach, and they’ll help you to cope when things inevitably go wrong. Truly, it could always be worse.

Paula Apfelbach began her business, Breathing Room Professional Organizing, in May 2005. She transitioned out of organizing in the fall of 2010, but continues to write a free mini-zine called “exhale” and accepts freelance assignments on the subjects of organization and life simplicity. Paula lives in Madison, Wisconsin.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Paula_Apfelbach
http://EzineArticles.com/?How-To-Cope-When-Things-Go-Wrong:-Cultivating-Perspective,-Balance,-And-Gratitude&id=5986010

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: appreciation, balance, cope, empower, go wrong, Gratitude/appreciation, options, perspective, State of mind, Stress Management, worry

I Dare You to Move: Keys to Healthy Self Esteem

January 22, 2011 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Alison Rodgers -

Self esteem can be simply defined as the way that an individual internally views and values their physical, social, mental and emotional self. You may already know that your self esteem – or lack of – impacts nearly every cognitive decision that you make. But how does it affect your non conscious decisions in the psychological realm? How you view yourself directly impacts how you perceive the world around you, and your relationship to it.

Healthy self esteem balances the internal person to be in harmony with the world. Based on the personality type of the individual, healthy self esteem can manifest in many ways, for each individual personality type has a distinct way of showing itself. Here are some basics to evaluate your own self esteem:

Internally Secure. A healthy individual feels safe within themselves; they are not often beset by feelings of worry or dread. Healthy individuals may be emotive but not overly emotional in a negative sense, for their center is their grounding place. When you look into your own eyes in the mirror, what do you see? Are you comfortable with the synergy between your external actions and your internal person? Are you consciously seeking a healthy balance between life stressors and the internal needs you sense?

Biggest Loser. People with low self esteem are not always the demure, self doubting wall flowers that one might expect. It is often the loudest voice in the room that dominates conversations who drives himself with need for approval. In business meetings, classroom settings and relationships alike, individuals with low self esteem have a desire to be considered both knowledgeable and in control. Self esteem projects into the personality that others perceive and react too, both through positive and negative forces. A well grounded self esteem shows in an equally visible manner – people with healthy self esteem are naturally magnetic. They attract attention because of their smile, confidence and willingness to treat people equally. Given that they do not require the approval of others to feed their confidence as the primary source of acceptance, individuals with healthy self esteem are often able and willing to offer a helping hand or listening ear.

It’s all about me. Unhealthy self esteem can manifest as arrogance or complete self focus. Do you read the blog of a friend or associate and immediately assume that person is talking to/about you? Do unknown conversations in your presence make you feel nervous or convicted? Low self esteem can feed or direct fear of change, rejection or even harm. A person that grew up in an unhealthy family environment where appropriate love and affirmation are not provided may find stasis in overcompensating through this channel of feeling.

How to Change

You’re ready for a new year and a new you. You’ve made the decision that you want to turn a healthy minute into a healthy life. Where do you begin to change, now that you’ve dared yourself to move out of complacency and into a life of discovery?

First, assess yourself. Mentors are great, don’t get me wrong – but mentors and advisors all come with their own set of lenses. Begin by knowing who you are and what your goals are….I have discovered through my process that the only person that knows for sure what and how you feel is you. I started with the Enneagram test, found free online at http://www.similarminds.com/test.html. After testing, I took myself to the library and studied what the personality types meant, and how they looked both healthy and unhealthy. Following that, I began to research therapies that might be relevant to my own focus. For me, that was beginning with family of origin in my younger years, and more recently, relationships and boundaries. After interviewing a few prospective individuals and choosing a personal mentor who would confront me in a loving way, I set measurable goals to assess my own health, and wrote a journal of that metamorphosis daily.

Here is the caution that I have found to offer you. Well meaning, well intentioned faithful individuals give horrible advice. That pastor, friend and sibling that would never steer you wrong – they will almost inevitably have less than most the facts. A ranking as “holy” or aged doesn’t automatically win the Pulitzer for wisdom. Chose what you let in your in as carefully as you choose what you put in your body – garbage in, garbage out. Avoid believing clichés and “sage” advice. Challenge advice that you’re given to see how it actually applies to you and your destiny, contrasting with the individual who is trying to help. Is theirs’ the life what you want? Are the people and situations in your life healthy for you – and you for them? Does the person offering you advice possess the destiny that beckons to you?

Seeking a balance in your self image and personal esteem is not about external image, wealth, power or even other people. It’s about being a fully vested human being with love and grace to spare for others, mainly because you’re not constantly wearing yourself out proving to yourself/others that you’re worthwhile. Finally, don’t be a selfish person – by being “selfless” and keeping your whole world tied in knots as you drown in your own emotionality, or by just being a jerk. Focusing on yourself and your internal esteem is a journey of discovery and it will be both long and painful if you’re doing the hard work of discovering who you truly are after years of compensating. You may have decades of compound bad choices from health to relationships to deal with and assess. You will not be the same person that you are now – and those changes might also change your outward appearance, relationships, marriage status, profession – you name it. Just as a caution in this time of self discovery if your empathy for people is low, know it and beware. The first step to becoming healthier should not involve stepping on someone else. Allow a few trusted, honest people into that circle of confidence and then prepare for the adventure of a lifetime.

Come visit Alison at http://www.todayshealthyminute.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Alison_Rodgers
http://EzineArticles.com/?I-Dare-You-to-Move:-Keys-to-Healthy-Self-Esteem&id=5723604

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: balance, healthy self esteem, low self esteem, Relationships, respect, self love, wholeness

Are You Really Ready For a Relationship

October 7, 2010 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Susan Sheppard -

So often I hear, I want a boyfriend, I’m married but I’m not happy. I just got divorced and I don’t want to make the same mistake again. When will I find someone? It occurred to me recently that in order to be in a relationship that works, it’s necessary to be ready to enter one. I know that sounds really simple, but if we look at our national divorce rate, you can see that it is not simple. In fact, I seriously doubt that many people consider their readiness for marriage or relationship of any sort. I think the average scenario goes something like this. He is attracted to how she looks. She is attracted to his energy and productivity. They start dating and eventually she thinks it might be a good idea to get married. He goes along because he is sure it’s going to get him regular sex and then all their friends and relatives get excited about their wedding. They have a big celebration and then they start to realize there is more to marriage than living together. Please forgive me for the offensive simplification of this scenario. It is merely an illustration.

My awareness heightened when I began working with clients who were in a state of chaos. They were in various stages of post relationship survival. Their finances were in a shambles. Some were broken hearted, with no self-esteem, out of work, wondering what to do about their rent and utilities payments and seeking coaching about their relationships. Many, I think, were planning on having a new relationship rescue him/her from impending disaster. I started to think about parameters for readiness in relationship. What specific standards and status should be the baseline? What exactly constitutes readiness? What is definite is that nothing is definite. So where do we start?

First is desire. The desire to be part of something is manifested in relationship. You can’t be “in” relationship unless you want to be. Partnership demands a serious time commitment, one on one conversations, planning, dating, socializing, compromising, making love, having sex, playing, working, sleeping, having children and raising them, shopping, cleaning house. Granted, some of these things you would do even if you were not in relationship. However, once you are seriously committed, as in living together, every one of the above -mentioned tasks involves agreement and participation by both partners.

Even prior to living together, finding someone you are willing to try being in relationship with is practically a full time job. So many of the people that I talk with in my work, tell me, I just don’t have the energy to go through the process of dating and getting to know someone well enough to feel comfortable being authentic and intimate. Don’t you agree that many people settle for what they have, even if unsatisfying, because it’s just too much work to change it?

Those that I have coached all the way to marriage and beyond have been serious about getting married. They wanted it, they were willing to do whatever it takes to find and enroll the right partner. They also do whatever it takes to maintain the level of passion and intimacy, production and appetite that are necessary to sustain a healthy, vibrant, satisfying relationship. In other words, they do not assume that once you are in a “marriage” or “committed relationship” that IT will take care of itself.

One seemingly unrelated concept that has forever been an annoyance has to do with loan applications. Bear with me on this. Whenever you submit a loan or credit application, the first response of the lender is to check your credit and your financial picture. If it appears that you need money for any reason, the likelihood of approval for financing is almost nil. However, if you appear financially stable with plenty of unused credit and a steady job and money in savings, every financial institution is clamoring to lend you money. So how does this relate?

It is my opinion, that love and relationship operate in the same way. Let’s say you go to the love bank and ask for a boyfriend/girlfriend, a serious one perhaps leading to marriage. The love bank manager takes a look at you and says. You work too much, you spend all of your money, your credit cards are maxed-out, you have diminished self esteem and a broken heart from the last one, you’re physically and emotionally bankrupt, and you don’t trust anyone. REJECTED!!! Now, you are really in need of someone to save you so you continue looking at all of the B and C rated love lenders, bars, pick up joints, work, internet dating services, personal ads until you find someone who is as needy as you are. You need someone to rebuild your self-esteem and reassure you that you are indeed lovable.

WRONG!!!!!

Although I have never been fond of credit reporting agencies and the use of their information by lending institutions, there is some validity in their strategy that is applicable to relationship coaching. In order to be ready for a serious relationship, one must achieve the following:

1. Desire to be in relationship

2. Self – esteem. Know that you are attractive and have something to offer another person.

3. Financial stability. At least enough income to take care of your housing and basic needs and minimal credit card debt.

4. Work. A job that satisfies some of your achievement needs.

5. Vulnerability. Enough healing that you are able to share your authentic self with this person.

6. Love. An abundance for yourself with enough left over to share with another person.

I am not saying that you must be in perfect shape. What I am saying, however, is that you will attract a person who is your balance, someone who has the same or different issues in the same proportions. If you are needy, you will attract neediness. If you have intimacy issues you will attract someone who is shut down. So it is in your best interests to undertake a personal redevelopment plan prior to looking for a relationship. Be the best you that you can be to offer to another person. This seems to be a great way to start the new year. Funny, how it usually happens that someone who has been taking extraordinary care of themselves and not looking for a relationship suddenly finds him/herself in love.

Relationship coaching is life coaching. Life becomes extraordinary when we discover that being absolutely committed to taking care of ourselves, leads to abundance in every aspect of our lives.

Buy my book [http://www.HowToGetWhatYouWantFromYourManAnytime]

Enroll in an e-course http://www.RomanceReentry.com

Request a consultation http://www.gettingwhatyouwant.com

e-mail me at Susan@gettingwhatyouwant.com

“I help people who want sacred intimacy in a hot relationship, get what they want from each other so that they can experience more fun, more sex and less bickering!”

818-548-0849

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Susan_Sheppard
http://EzineArticles.com/?Are-You-Really-Ready-For-a-Relationship?&id=6824

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: balance, dating, intimacy, relationship, Self Esteem

Daily Quote – Balance

October 4, 2010 By Admin Leave a Comment

Balance, peace, and joy are the fruit of a successful life. It starts with recognizing your talents and finding ways to serve others by using them.
Thomas Kinkade

Filed Under: Daily Quotes Tagged With: balance, life, self improvement

Work at Home – Setting Boundaries Between Work and Life

5 Steps to Bouncing Forward and Building Resilience

Tips To Create Balance in Your Life

Stuff

The Four Legs of Meaning and Happiness – How To Balance Your Life

Meditation Anyone?

How To Cope When Things Go Wrong: Cultivating Perspective, Balance, And Gratitude

I Dare You to Move: Keys to Healthy Self Esteem

Are You Really Ready For a Relationship

Daily Quote – Balance

Brain Magic

News and Other New Stuff

Listen to Yvonne Perry’s interview with Gaetano Vivo today at 2:55 CDT

Someone You Should Know

Book Reviews

A Review: Lipstick and The Leash: A Woman’s Guide to Getting What You Want from Your Dog & Your Life.

The Oneness Gospel: Birthing the Christ Consciousness and Divine Human in You. A Review

Irene’s Articles

Cleaning out the clutter

Let’s put “Self” Back in Self Improvement