Self-Improvement | Beliefs | The Self Improvement Blog

What Do You Believe?

April 16, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

“You can do it if you believe you can.” -Napoleon Hill

Whether you know it or not your beliefs about anything and everything have a direct impact in your life. They say: “Whatever you believe, you’re right.” It doesn’t matter if what you believe doesn’t serve you, or if it’s negative and limiting, if it is what you believe it WILL be how you experience your life.

Whatever you are going through your belief is the cause and how you are living is the effect. Oh, I know, you can argue that you didn’t ask to be fired, or to be left by your partner, or to be treated badly, or to lose your house, or to be in debt etc. But, that doesn’t mean that somewhere in the back of your mind, there isn’t an unconscious fear of, or doubts about or an underlying insecurity that is lying dormant in your mind.

I always say, show me someone’s life, tell me their circumstances and I will tell you what they believe. So it’s time you decide if you are going to let your beliefs define you or if you are going to step up and define your beliefs.

For those of you who I have coached, you well know the number one factor that will make the biggest and most incredible life changing impact in your life; learn to change your thoughts and you WILL change your life. Period.

It truly is the single one thing that you can do for yourself that will make such a huge difference in how you live that you will actually start to believe in magic!

The fact that we think some 60,000 thoughts a day and most of them go unnoticed by us is evidence that we are not in control of what we think about, it’s more like what we think about is in control of us and how we live and how we feel.

So, if the facts are that when you learn to get in tune with your thinking and learn how to flip the script when your thoughts don’t serve you and that you can actually change your life; what are you waiting for? Why aren’t you tripping over yourself to learn how to do this?

Maybe you don’t believe it! (Tongue in cheek.) And if that’s the case, you’re right. But if you want to open your mind to the unlimited possibilities that already exist, if you want to start living the kind of life you never believed in before, if you really want to stop feeling like you do, what do you have to lose by giving it a shot?

On the other hand, if you don’t want to, then by all means keep on doing what you are doing, keep on thinking how you’ve been thinking and don’t change a thing. And, oh by the way, how’s that been working out for you?

I used to set a timer for every 30 minutes and I would stop whatever I was doing and refocus my mind on what I wanted or how I wanted to live, even if only for 5 seconds. But it got me to keep my thoughts focused on what I wanted and NOT on what I didn’t want. And, sometimes if I was really busy, I would simply say, “Thank You for all of my blessings.”

I still use my timer when I feel like I’m drifting down the wrong path. It may seem awkward at first or inconvenient, but the alternative is to do nothing and keep living the same way you’ve always been living and getting the same results.

I can’t tell you how many times people tell me things like: “I can’t stop thinking of him or her. I feel so bad. My life is ruined. I will never get over this. Things never work out for me. I can’t afford to live the way I want. I will never have what I want” And on and on and on.

It’s these self defeating, limiting, negative thoughts that keep you stuck right where you are. Granted it’s normal to have more intense emotions at the onset of any adversity but it’s the constant feeding of your mind with these kinds of thoughts that will keep you mired in a self imposed hell.

But, if you learn to talk to yourself, lift your soul, renew your mind and stop repeating these miserable kinds of thoughts and replace them with those that WILL change your life, you will be sending me flowers when you start to live in a new way.

Instead, send yourself flowers and be happy again, believe in a better future, be grateful for your blessings, have faith and trust that life is a process and it’s the “thoughts” you hold on the inside that will reflect how you will live on the outside.

Susan Russo is an author and coach whose work has inspired people from all over the world to take back their power! Would you like to empower yourself to do the same? Discover Susan’s 7 Keys to unlock your power and sign in for her Free report.

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Filed Under: Addiction Management Tagged With: Beliefs, Manifesting, self improvement

A Review: “I Believe” by Eldon Taylor.

March 22, 2012 By ireneconlan 1 Comment

Review by Irene Conlan -

This is one of those “easy to read little books” that has a huge impact on your thinking and in the quiet moments invades your thought-space with questions and ponderings. I say it is easy to read because the chapters are short – what I think of as “bite-sized chapters” – just enough to set your mind on a journey of discovery. It doesn’t send you on a Google journey for more information but an inner journey that has you chewing on the thought and ferreting out at a deep level what you think and what you believe about what you just read.

It is simple, too, because, while the thoughts are profound it is not written with words that demand a dictionary in your left hand while you hold the book with the right. I don’t mean to imply that it’s “dumbed-down” because it’s anything but that. I mean that anyone with good reading skills can read the book and understand what Taylor is saying. Long after the mind has feasted on the words, however, the soul will dip into its depths over and over to ponder and digest.

The chapters address topics like The Power of Belief, Integrity, Life and Pain, Love and Cruelty, Balance, Goals and Ambition, Peace - and other critical issues that each person needs to make a personal decision about. It is not a book for sissies or for those who are afraid to look within for the tough answers to serious questions.

Each chapter ends with a reflection. If the book contained nothing but the reflections it would still be worth the price you paid and the time you spent. The reflections are, as they say, “a gift that keeps on giving” because they meander into your mind off and on throughout the day and certainly at night if you happen to be awake. It is the kind of inner work that goes with significant progress on your spiritual path or guides you along an accelerated self-improvement journey.

I recommend this book for anyone who is interested in personal and spiritual growth – and isn’t that most of us? It will help you examine your beliefs in a way you may not have done before and you will find it a handy guide for self discovery at deeper and deeper levels.

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Filed Under: Book Reviews, Self Improvement Tagged With: Beliefs, knowing what you believe, power of belief

Beliefs and Language

March 13, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Dennis Dziedzic -

Human beings are linguistic creatures. The ability to communicate about our internal and external worlds in sophisticated ways is one of the major differences separating us from the animal kingdom. We’re constantly engaged with language. It’s a big component on how we communicate with others as well as ourselves. In the process of belief change, it’s important to acknowledge the role of language in our lives. Granted, there are some beliefs that originated before language, but, by far, the majority of beliefs have some linguistic component. Therefore, if you are to create healthy beliefs, it’s important to be able to recognize and implement a healthy conversation with yourself.

The way we speak is a very accurate reflection of how we think. Most people have some form of internal dialogue, a continuous conversation with themselves about their experience in any given moment. Sometimes this conversation is a description of what’s happening, a judgment, an observation, or the memory sparked by an event. Sometimes it’s helpful, other times, it’s completely banal, and nearly useless, and sometimes it’s very harmful and self-abusive. As we discussed, human beings are creatures of habit and routine, and that includes our linguistic patterns. In fact, how we speak is mostly a subconscious act. It’s the rare person who speaks slowly and uses words exactly as they wish them to mean. Speaking consciously, saying what you mean to say requires an enormous amount of attention, and we’ve been trained through years of television and movies to be lazy with our words, to resort to catch phrases and hip one-liners. Although it may require some practice, language is a great way to gain access to the subconscious mind.

Your 3 most common phrases:

This exercise will require you to pay attention to something that is happening all the time, but you probably give it little notice: how you speak. Over the next day, decide what the three most common things you say are. They don’t even have to be fully formed words. Literally, the three most common sounds that escape from your mouth. Here are some examples:

Uh-huh
Ummm…
I don’t know.
‘like’
‘actually’
do you know what I mean?
What?
Oh my God!
Swear words

You’re looking for those automatic phrases that slip from your mouth before you notice. More than likely, there will be more than three so do your best to find the most pervasive. If you’re having trouble finding them, listen to those people who you spend the most time with. Chances are they speak in a very similar way to you.

The next part of this exercise is simple, but complex in its simplicity. Once you’ve got your three words or phrases, write them down. And then…stop saying them. At first, you’ll probably have a lot of trouble with this, because you’re bringing something from the subconscious into the realm of the conscious. As you may see, it becomes easier with time, and as it does, you’ll be rewarded with greater choice in how you speak, and therefore, how you think.

A problem well stated is a problem half solved….but how do you go about figuring out the other half? To make any change, you’ve got to familiarize yourself with yourself. That’s where it all begins and ends.

To get a free report on the subject, check out click this link

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Filed Under: Featured Tagged With: Beliefs, language, self improvement, self expression

I’m already tired of the Presidential campaign

January 4, 2012 By ireneconlan Leave a Comment

By Irene Conlan -

One of the most important decisions we make as American citizens is the election of our President and, frankly, I’m already tired of the 2012 campaign. What about you?

I’m not going to talk about the merits of one candidate over another. You have to decide that for yourself based on what you read, see, hear and know about each one in light of what your political beliefs are.

Do you know what your political beliefs are?

What we’re already seeing is a “feeding frenzy” of political sharks. I’m talking about the negativity, the lies, the character bashing, the media hype, the coercive tactics, the deceit and on and on and on. We’re talking about the person who will be the leader of the most powerful country in the free world and I didn’t see much in the way of leadership going on in the Iowa campaign. Did you?

After Iowa, do you know what the political beliefs and stands of the candidates are?

Do you know what your political beliefs are?

I don’t know about you but I would love, for once, to see a campaign based on the issues backed up by a voting record or a successful record in business. I want to know if the candidate represents my political philosophy. Does he/she wear a label of conservative or liberal? Can he think “outside the box” and find a creative solution to a problem or does he follow a strict party line? Can he “play” well with others? Has he held political office before and can we trust him to do what he promised based on his record? Does someone “pull his strings” or can we trust him to represent his constituency? Where does he stand on the key issues – the economy, defense, the deficit, social issues – or does he have to look at poll results to make a decision?

I’m not as concerned with a mistake he made in the past as in what he learned from it and whether it improved him as a human being. Did it make him a better person?

Does he know what his political beliefs are and do you know yours?

I won’t vote for the candidate who engages in mud slinging and character assassination of the the other candidates and I won’t vote for someone because they are the darlings of the media. (Oh, I’m so tired of having the media tell me what to believe, how to vote and what is best for me). What I’m concerned about is whether or not he say one thing and does another. I want to know if he walks his talk.

We have talked about beliefs before – a lot, actually. The election of the next president is a time for you to know what you believe – about this country, about freedom, about state’s rights, about immigration, about deficit spending and the economy, about defense, about aid to other countries, about key issues, about honesty and honest representation. And this is just the beginning.

If you know what YOU believe and we can get a clear idea of what each candidate believes backed by experience then you can make a good decision.

You don’t have to believe what the media says about the candidate – find out for yourself. But know what you believe.

Let’s have more debates with new rules. No talking about the other candidates – they can speak for themselves. Let’s have straight talk on the issues, what they believe, where they stand and what they hope to accomplish in office. If they have held public office, let their voting record be made available. Then we can see if what they say and believe is compatible with what you believe and I believe.

Do you know what you believe? If not, isn’t it time you figured it out for yourself?

Filed Under: Featured Tagged With: Beliefs, Integrity, political campaign, self improvement, stands on the issues

The Growth of Alternative Religious & Spiritual Followings

September 13, 2011 By Admin 1 Comment

By Sandy Andrew -

In the mainstream media these days we are hearing more about alternative religious and spiritual beliefs such as: Scientology, Kabbalah, New Age, and Paganism for example. What is the reason for the growth of these and other alternative religious and spiritual followings?

The Information Age

The 20th century gave birth to the global information age. Human beings started to have access to knowledge through books, newspapers, radio, and television for example. Towards the end of the last century the internet brought an unprecedented amount of information to all who had access to a PC with an internet service provider.

Finally, humanity now had information available at a moment’s notice; as opposed to relying and trusting the local and state media for the information which may have been filtered, distorted, or even excluded from the people. A few nations in the world restrict their citizen’s access to internet content. Why is this restriction so? I would surmise that nations that wish to control the actions of their citizens partly do so by limiting their knowledge.

As a result of the “information age” people are becoming more aware of other races, cultures, spiritual and religious philosophies both past and present here on Earth.

The New Awareness

The level of awareness not only of Earth life, but of the Universe itself is increasing amongst the people. Recall in times gone by if you dared to imply that Earth was round in shape, or not the center of the universe, you may have been found guilty of heresy (having a different view to orthodox doctrine) and dealt with harshly or even killed. These days such actions and behavior towards these logical scientific statements would seem absurd and evil.

There are trillions upon trillions of stars in this galactic living dimension. Some may have planetary bodies that contain life and some may not. Now do you really think they all worship the current Earth religions too? We are part of a transcendent universe; many people are now turning to this way of thinking and the media attention that the alternative religions and philosophies attract only heightens the level of people’s awareness of such alternative subjects. People are more educated now than ever. Not just limited for the entitled minority anymore, education and knowledge is spreading rapidly for all the people on Earth. Once you “wet” the appetite for knowledge there is no stopping it.

The Right to Choose

The “information age” and ‘new awareness” has led to many people starting to examine what they have always been told. People are starting to question organizations or governments that state, ‘Believe and behave this way or else, may happen to you!” Why do they say such like this?

Any person who threatens another into submitting their free will and their loyalty to a religious or spiritual faith is ultimately false and nothing more that an oppressor. Those governments and organizations that deny the people of Earth access to public knowledge are also false. As history has shown us, when you threaten a person or a nation to submit a religious and/or philosophical beliefs violent conflict erupts: and it always will.

The ‘information age’ and “new awareness” has led to the growth of alternative religious and spiritual followings. The religious oppression of the people worldwide is being lifted and the freedom of knowledge is now with us. Every person on planet Earth should have the right to choose their own religious and philosophical belief, and should be left in peace to pursue such providing they physically harm no other.

Author and radio show host of the Universal Learning Series, Sandy Andrew was born in the Scottish town of Paisley. Sandy has lived, worked, and studied globally in Scotland, England, South Africa, and the USA. From his diverse studies and drawing on his own life experiences, Sandy formed the Universal Learning Series. Sandy currently resides in Kansas City, USA. For more information visit http://www.universallearningseries.com

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Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: Alternative Religions, Beliefs, religion, spirituality

Being Authentic Means Stepping From Behind Your Mask

April 19, 2011 By Admin 1 Comment

By Lynn Banis -

What are the roles you play in your workplace? If you are like most people you play many roles. You may be a boss, a subordinate, a friend, a counselor, a mentor, a critic, a collaborator, a supervisor, an influencer, etc. Go ahead and write them all down. I bet you will be surprised at how many roles you actually do play. I will also bet that most of them are legitimately needed to get your work done. None of the roles is the real you however – they are just what they are called – roles. They are actions you do and masks you put on to do your work. Who are you really beneath all of those masks?

Does the real you show up in any of your various roles? Probably not if you have not thought about it. In order for the real you to show up you must be intentional and authentic in all of the roles you play. It takes time and attention to first discover who you really are and how to make yourself show up that way in all of the things you do and in the way you do them. Authenticity and intention are the bottom line. If you have not done the work to find out what that is and who you are it can be very scary to think about stepping out from behind your masks.

Many of the masks we put on – or roles we play – are designed to protect us from the things we find hurtful or scary. It is hard for most of us to be in vulnerable situations so we devise a role to get us out of that vulnerable place. We seem to need to maintain our space at work and to not let other people know who we really are. Most of us feel it is safer that way. Most of us also find that playing all of those roles and wearing all of the masks is tiring and confusing. They keep us from being who we know we are at our core. Sometimes they get in the way of our living our values and beliefs and that causes us to be frustrated and dissatisfied.

The answer is to study our values and beliefs, define what our passion and vision are and then to move authentically toward them. People will react to your change. You can count on that. They will also come to respect you for stepping out and being real and authentic. In fact, you will find that you have more control because you are fully in control of your own actions and reactions to things. You will be at choice which leads to more creative and fulfilling decision making.

It’s up to you – mask or authenticity?

Find your authenticity and intention now! Call Lynn at 847-998-9882 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 847-998-9882 end_of_the_skype_highlighting to get support for your discoveries.

Lynn Banis PhD, MCC is known as America’s High Performance Coach. She specializes in helping women. executives and entrepreneurs make the most of their opportunities and potential. Her years of working with small and large businesses has given her a depth of knowledge that is invaluable to her clients. You can reach her at http://www.discoverypointcoaching.com or at her email address listed on the site.

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Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: authentic, Beliefs, control, decision, intentional, mask, roles, values, vulnerable

Self Concept – Your Personal Truth

September 29, 2010 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Christopher Kabamba -

Your self concept comprises a set of the beliefs you have about yourself with regard to self identity, self image and self worth; your ideas concerning the talents, abilities and what you think you are capable or incapable of achieving. It is an all encompassing notion that you have about yourself. It is an impression; a resultant of your knowledge and your experience of life and the meaning you have attached to those experiences.

Every human being born soon develops a concept of self. You are the author of the theory you have about self. The story however does not end with you developing a self concept; no sooner do you form a notion about yourself than it begins to shape you into the man or woman consistent with that idea. This soon becomes your personal truth; the law of your being – your actual experience of life. As an ideal, it takes hold of you and gives color and meaning to your life. It literally becomes your life. Like habits, you first form a concept of self and then, your self concept shapes you. This becomes a self calling, sustaining and perpetuating loop.

Right now, as you read this article, everything that you see in your life and in the world around you is defined with the context of your self concept. The quality of your life in all its bearings is the quality of your self concept. The theory you have about yourself is what manifests the events of your life and the meaning you attach to those events; this becomes your true experience of life; your personal truth. Someone said that experience is not what happens to you but what you do with what happens to you.

Henry Ford understood self concept vis-à-vis personal truth when he said that “whether you think you are can or cannot; either way you are right.” According to your faith, it will be done unto you. The impression you have about yourself is the ceiling for your potential and the creative determinant for your success or failure in life; it determines the height of your aim and the length of your reach. The results that you get epitomize the opinion you hold about yourself. It determines your level of contribution; it influences the life you chose; all your decisions in life have their root in the theory you have about yourself. Your self concept is what is driving your life.

Do you think that you have an empowering perception of self? In what areas can you improve the quality of the thoughts you hold about yourself? What negative self impressions clog your mind? These and many other similar questions should be subjects of deliberation for every seeker.

You will not be able to achieve the dreams of your life if your self concept denies the attainment of those dreams. This is assuming that your self concept is the kind that even allows for a conception of a bigger vision for your life. It is the negative identity and mental images that you have about yourself and about your place in the grand scheme of things that are hindering you from truly living a more abundant life.

Sit down; write on a piece of paper what you want in your life. What belief changes can you bring in your life that would help you achieve these goals? Focus on the most immediate things that you can do; little changes that you can start with. Personal growth is a life long process; for as long as we live there will always be new paths to trade and new worlds to discover. The important thing is for you to start where you are and with whatever you have. Commit yourself to a path of personal growth; adopt the process of self evolution where you are constantly becoming more; build for yourself a positive momentum towards growth and development. By constantly challenging your limiting beliefs, create a new and empowering personal truth for your life; it is only then that you will truly begin to see and experience what promise and wonderful things this world holds for you.

Christopher Kabamba is an IT professional with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Computer Science from the Copperbelt University, Zambia. He is a student of personal growth and development. He desires to take up a professional career as an Author, Public Speaker and Life Coach. He documents some of his thoughts on Personal Growth and Development on his blog: [http://kabamba.wordpress.com]

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Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: Beliefs, esteem, perception, personal truth, self, self improvement, self concept

Are You a Religious Atheist, or a Faithless Believer? Wait, WUT?

September 27, 2010 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Michael Glenn -

Are you religious? Are you an Atheist? Are you neither? Let’s find out.

When I was a child my mother died. One day she fell down in the shower because her legs stopped working. The doctors found brain cancer, and within months she was dead. She was 24. I was 5.

I don’t remember much from that time, but what I do remember is feeling like a spectator to my own life. Watching the way the adults around me dealt or didn’t deal with this event was confusing. After her death, I felt very alone. My father checked out. My other relatives treated me like some kind of specimen. Me and my baby sister would enter a room and all the adults would fall silent and stare at us. My aunt would flee the room in tears. This was hard to understand as a 5 year old.

Being so alone, I felt compelled to find my own meaning. I remember attending church with my grandparents. The people in church would dress up in clothes they never wore, pray words they never used in normal conversation, sing songs that weren’t on the radio, and give money for no product. It was confusing to see them carry on this way for 2 hours on a Sunday, then return living as if Sunday never happened.

When I was 8, my stepmother was very angry with all my lying, and told me I had to read the bible. She dusted it off (I’m quite sure she never read it), and gave it to me. I was an avid reader already and I took this task quite seriously. I wanted to understand what all the fuss on Sunday was about.

The language in the Bible was complex for an 8 year old, so I read methodically and carefully. Rereading sections many times to make sure I understood. The begat section of Genesis chapter 5 was tough since I had to try to assemble that family tree and all those strange names in my head. My stepmother seemed quite surprised a week later when I was still reading intently. She didn’t know how to discuss the book with me, so she said nothing.

The Bible gets riveting in places. Quite a story. So did I believe it? Even at 8 it was difficult. The lives of 2000 years ago were so very different than mine. And they saw and did things that no one ever does today. It’s as if it were some mythical land where these things were possible. That… I could understand at 8. Because all the books I read then had those same qualities.

I understand God differently now. He is not the bearded old man protecting and ruling from another realm.

God is a metaphor for a mystery that absolutely transcends all human categories of thought. Even the categories of being and non-being. It’s as simple as that.

Joseph Campbell

So am I religious or an atheist? How about you?

That definition depends on how much you want to think about the question. Is religion doing you any good? Is it putting you in touch with the mystery that is the source of your own being?

If the answer is no, you might think religion is a lie. You might read the miracles and stories in the bible and think it’s all made up fiction. Then you are probably an atheist.

If you think all the stories in the bible are facts, you might be a theist. Maybe God had a stenographer who wasn’t human and had no personal or political agenda writing the words down like a great reporter capturing the facts. The words ought to be followed to the letter. That is a religious view.

I am neither. I see problems with both. Atheists are often quite close minded to the miraculous. They won’t even consider miracles, instead seeking rational explanation for any strange phenomena. Religious people are often like the ones at my Grandparents church, religious on Sunday, sinners the rest of the week. And they use religion to push self serving agendas.

I am spiritual. I have experienced miracles. And I feel spirituality every day, not just when I dress up and donate money. But, more importantly, spirituality and religious mysticism puts me in touch with my source. And reunites me with my mother who died when I was 5. I always stayed connected to her. I value that connection and even though it remains a mystery to my human sized brain, the feeling is empowering and part of my very identity.

Maybe my experiences will help you clarify for yourself whether you are Religious, Atheist, or Other. If you find you are other, then I don’t think you are alone. There are many like us.

If you liked my story, please share it. And you can find more of my writing at: www.greaterspirit.com

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: Beliefs, religion, self improvement, spirituality

Belief Changes Everything

August 15, 2010 By Guest Contributor 1 Comment

By Annette Vaillancourt -

“I’ll SEE it when I BELIEVE it.” That’s right. You didn’t read that wrong. I’ll SEE it when I BELIEVE it. Not the skeptic’s oft quoted “I’ll BELIEVE it when I SEE it.”

In my nearly 20 years of doing therapy I’ve witnessed first hand the malleable nature of so called “reality.” Sometimes, I begin to think of reality as just someone’s deeply held opinion or belief. In fact, I’ve seen how powerful it is when someone challenges or changes a long held or unexamined belief. When they do start to question and ask “Says who?” reality starts to change as well.

For example, I teach clients how to visualize and affirm positive outcomes to situations they’re worried about or feel pessimistic about. I call this “worrying about things going right” or “positive worry.” Negative worry consists of vividly imagining a situation going wrong. The clients who are most successful in turning things around are able to form a vivid picture in their mind’s eye of a positive outcome. As a colleague of mine once said, “If your going to create a reality in your imagination, why not make it be flattering to you?”

A powerful example from my own life of this new way of looking at things came when I was studying for my prelims — or what I like to call “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Psychology, But Were Afraid To Ask.” In preparation for this comprehensive exam, diligent grad students will study for 3-6 months, practically living in the library, digesting and synthesizing tons of material. The stress of prelims likely has caused even the most earnest and dedicated student to consider a change of career. Either that, or the stress may have launched a fresh batch of alcoholics.

The overarching belief about prelims is that the entire process – from start to finish – would be awful. Indeed, it SHOULD be awful – a sort of trial by fire or rite of passage. For some unknown reason, I decided upon a paradigm shift right at that critical stage of my academic career. I decided to change my “reality” and make prelims fun. I wondered what would happen if I just studied when I felt like it, instead of forcing myself to do so when I wasn’t inclined. Looking back, I guess you could say I trusted myself.

Taking this approach, I found myself studying at odd hours, sometimes briefly, sometimes in the “zone” for hours. Plus – here’s the point of this long set up – I would practice visualizing the day of the exam down to the tiniest detail and seeing myself go through the day calmly and with confidence.

Guess what! It went EXACTLY as I had imagined it – from going mentally “blank” in the shower right down to the type of paper I was given to write my essays. Oh, and of course, I passed on my first attempt. Whee!

So…….

*What ideas do you hold about reality and the way things work that need to be challenged? *If you think yourself fearful, ask “Says who?” and imagine yourself acting bravely or assertively. *If you think you will fail in a certain situation, ask “Says who?” and imagine your self acting confidently and effectively in that situation. *If you think you can’t be, do or have what you want, ask “Says who?” and imagine yourself acting on your wants and getting what you want. When you SEE it, you’ll believe it and are more likely to take action in that positive direction.

In sum, trying worrying about things going RIGHT for a change. Go over and over it. Truly worry positively for at least as much or more than you’d worry negatively. Wear a positive expectation rut in your brain, so that when the situation comes along, you will follow the road to success. Then when the situation goes as you imagined it, you can shout, “I KNEW IT!”

Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D., LPC
220 W. Argonne, Suite 100E
Kirkwood, MO 63131
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Filed Under: Self awareness, Self Improvement Tagged With: Beliefs, positive expectations, self improvement, visualizations

Sorting things out

February 2, 2010 By ireneconlan Leave a Comment

By Irene Conlan -

Yesterday I took on the long avoided task of sorting lids and containers. It seemed like I never had the right lid to fit the container I had already filled with leftovers destined for the refrigerator. It was time to fix it – actually it was time to fix it several months ago but it is one of those jobs that can be postponed indefinitely.

Jack came over and asked if there was anything he could do to help me. As much as I didn’t want to I said, “Yes.” Let’s get all those little plastic containers and lids out of the cabinet and sort them out. They are stored in a lower cabinet in the kitchen and, since he’s six, he can crawl in and get stuff from the back. He brought them all out, wiped out the cabinet for me and now it’s in my hands.

I have a lot of round containers and a lot of round lids but none fit each other. I have containers that are exactly the same size and look exactly the same but some need red lids and some need blue lids. I have square containers but no square lids that size. Conversely I have square lids and no containers to put them on. What I have is a mess. Today I will sort, match and throw away anything that doesn’t have a mate.

Don’t we sometimes need to sort out other things in our life like we sort lids and containers? We pick things up along the years and never put them down. Things like habits, obligations, ideas, perhaps even friends. and lots of stuff.

Stuff is the easiest place to start. Once you finish with the lids and containers move on to your pantry, closets, drawers, desk, file cabinets if you have them – any place you stash “stuff.” Get rid of anything you don’t use. If you haven’t used it in a year or two, you probably aren’t going to use it at all and perhaps it’s just what someone else needs right now. Give it to Good Will or the Salvation Army, St. Vincent de Paul, or any one of the many charities that have resale stores. You can do that with your clothes as well. In the pantry you might find some cans of food that you can donate for those who don’t have food.

That was easy (unless you’re a pack rat) but now things begin to get harder. Let’s look at habits you’ve picked up over the years. You may have a couple of doozies – smoking, for example, or drinking too much too often. – things that impair your health and safety as well as the health and safety of others. What do you want to do about them? Be honest with yourself and look at them straight on. Do you want to continue with these habits? It’s your choice.

What about other habits, some of which may have been around for a very long time. Consider some of these and sort them out (and this takes brutal honesty sometimes):

showing up to everything late – work, appointments, social engagements
gossip
belittling others
lying, cheating, etc.- in little things, of course
nagging
over eating
nail biting
procrastinating
fill in some you have that aren’t listed here.

Make a list of what you noticed about yourself and chose one that you want to get rid of. Start with an easy one and let go of it for three weeks. Most of us can do anything for three weeks. Impose a penalty on yourself, e.g., put a quarter in a jar every time you hear yourself nagging your husband and kids (or wife and kids). At the end of the three weeks do something special with the money (some of you may have a lot and some won’t). Awareness and time will help reduce most small bad habits to zero. We’ll talk about the big ones at another time.

Another area of sorting is that of beliefs. I bring this up every now and then because I believe it is critically important. An old friend used to say “If you don’t know what you stand for, you’ll fall for anything.” Your beliefs are the foundation for living. So sort through them. What do you believe that you choose to believe – not what you have always been told you had to believe? I’m not saying dump everything you’ve been taught, but I am saying, examine it carefully and make a conscious decision to accept or reject it.

Tale a look at your life and begin to be aware of what you have, do, say and think and begin to sort out those things that no longer serve you while choosing to keep and work on those things that need to be strengthened. Oh, and enjoy those things that are great just the way they are. This will allow you to live with greater awareness, freedom and, hopefully, joy. Self awareness, after all, is the first giant step toward self improvement.

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: Beliefs, Habit management, lids and containers, sorting out, stuff

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