Building self-esteem is not only about learning to accept and love yourself, it is also about respecting yourself. People with high self-esteem don’t let themselves be walked over by others. They don’t accept bad treatment because know that they are worth better.

People with low self-esteem don’t expect people to treat them well because they expect others to view them in the same negative way as they view themselves. People with high self-esteem on the other hand expect to be treated well. They expect others to listen to them, care about them and treat them with fairness. In short, people with high self-esteem expect others to treat them as valuable human beings because that is what they consider themselves to be.

To raise your self-esteem you have to make sure that you don’t let yourself be walked over by others. When you are mistreated you need to show yourself enough self-respect to tell the person who treated you badly to stop. You should not accept to be called names or spoken to in a degrading way and you should not accept to be ignored. If you don’t do anything to show that you don’t accept bad treatment you show yourself and others that you are not worth better than that. To raise your self-esteem you need to stand up for yourself.

If you do not respect yourself, nobody else will. Because people with high self-esteem respect themselves the people around them respect them as well. Self-respect and self-esteem is admired by others because everybody wishes to feel as people with high self-esteem feel and to have what they have. By respecting yourself you will gain respect from others.

Liv Miyagawa – The Self-Esteem Coach

Self-Esteem Coach Liv Miyagawa helps adults who want high self-esteem. She can help you to raise your self-esteem to become happier, more energetic and less stressed. Liv Miyagawa can fill you with motivation and inspiration. Apart from through personal self-esteem coaching, Liv Miyagawa can help you to raise your self-esteem through group coaching, self-esteem distance courses, home study materials and other self-esteem resources. She is also the author of The Self-Esteem Toolbox, a book full of self-esteem exercises to boost your self-esteem. Build higher self-esteem

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I want to get straight to the heart of this topic, because I firmly believe that there is a simple three-step approach that can cure feelings of worthlessness, even if you’ve felt crushed by those feelings for many years.

That’s right: a cure.

It may not surprise you to learn that feeling worthless is very common among women. You almost certainly know that. In fact, feeling worthless is possibly the most obvious symptom of low self-esteem. But it’s also one of the easiest to overcome.

Let me provoke you for a moment by making a bold statement about worthlessness. You may want to reject it out-of-hand, but I urge you to hear me out on this point because I’m going to show you how to prove this statement is true!

Feelings of worthlessness are entirely subjective. They are all in the mind. They have no basis in reality. They do not constitute a problem that requires “fixing”, and you can choose to stop feeling worthless simply by opening your mind.

Fixing your self-esteem as a whole is not quite so easy, but nevertheless it is a reality for every woman.

OK, I know that some of you are now cross with me. You may even want to scream at me “it’s all very well for you to say that, but I’ve been feeling worthless all of my life and I have no idea how to stop and it’s driving me CRAZY and, and, oh I’m so sick of being ME!”

Whether you’re cross or not, I’d like you to think carefully about what I’ve got to say next. It’s about how we might assess what something is worth.

What’s the easiest thing to value?

How about a ten-dollar bill, in pristine condition, uncrumpled, never having changed hands?

It’s worth 10 dollars, right? To you, to me, to anybody. Imagine sealing that newborn, crispy ten-dollar bill in a watertight container and dropping it in the middle of a deep lake. What’s it worth now? Well, it’s still got an intrinsic value of 10 dollars, but in order to hand it over to a storekeeper in exchange for some food, you’d have to rent a pretty sophisticated boat, some fancy detection equipment, and maybe a team of skilled divers to get that box back. And that would cost you far more than 10 dollars.

At the bottom of a lake, your perfect, crispy ten-dollar bill is worth less than nothing.

What’s that got to do with you?

You had some intrinsic value when you were born. Everybody does. You had a potential capacity to make the world a better place, to bring joy and happiness to others, to experience a sense of emotional, spiritual, and physical fulfilment.

That was worth something. It still is. Because you still have a potential capacity to do those things.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

- Marianne Williamson -

But what if you’re an exception? What if your parents, the other kids at school, your ex-husband, or the rest of society has gradually knocked all of that potential worth out of you?

Well, they haven’t. I can be sure of that, because it’s impossible to take away a living person’s capacity to add value to the world.

Only you can suppress that value. Only you can decide to hide yourself away, feeling empty and alone. Only you can put yourself in the position of a ten-dollar bill at the bottom of a lake.

Do you see what power you have, right there in your own hands?

No matter how tough your childhood, no matter how rotten your luck, you can CHOOSE to enrich the world every day simply by the way you interact with others, by the way you make caring decisions, and by the way you feel about yourself.

If you’re feeling worthless right now, then I’d like to ask you a question. What proactive steps have you been taking recently to overcome those feelings? Many, many women – when I put this question to them – answer with something along the lines of “um, well, nothing really because I feel stuck in a rut”.

Those women, all of them, are certainly not happy that they feel like that. But feeling like that is a habit that has become – almost paradoxically – a source of comfort to them. Why? For one of two reasons:

1. Feeling worthless is a safe option because it reduces the amount of pain you suffer when things go wrong. If you already know that you’re no good and that no one will fall in love with you, or give you a job, or even care enough to listen to you, then when a rejection wings its way towards you – which it certainly will because it happens to all of us – then you’re better prepared than most. You can say: “Ah ha, you can’t ruin my life because I already knew this was going to happen; I already knew that you didn’t really love me/want me/value me!”
2. Feeling worthless is an easy option; if you’re worthless there’s no need to try to do well and succeed in the things that matter to you because there is simply no point. Also, if you act as if your opinions and your desires are all worthless then people leave you alone. If you say you have no remarkable skills or talents then there is no need to apply them. If you say that you are a useless, hopeless nobody then people will expect far less from you. And just maybe you could get lots of sympathy and perhaps even another person (on a white horse in shining armour) coming to your rescue to sort your life out for you.

Deep down, all of us really WANT to feel valued

But, the harsh truth is, we will feel valued only if we are willing to contribute something to the world around us. And whether we contribute anything or not is a choice. OUR choice.

A few of you might be annoyed with me at this point because you’re still feeling worthless but you do not agree that you are either choosing the safe, easy options or looking for a sympathy vote. If so, let’s take a look at your logic.

Your annoyance can only be caused by the injustice of my suggesting you are choosing the “safe” or “easy” option. You’re saying to me “Don’t put me down. I’m not like that. I AM WORTH MORE THAN THAT!”

Exactly my point! Please remember, I am not the one doubting your self-worth, you are. All I’m doing is pointing out that if you’re feeling worthless then it simply means that you are not doing as well in the areas that matter to you and therefore you need to invest in your self-esteem. There are no exceptions: if you want to feel like a worthwhile human being then you have to really work at it like everyone else and never give up on yourself.

It’s up to you know to acknowledge the fact the all human beings are capable of adding value to society, including YOU. As an adult there are no excuses for saying things like “I’m a worthless, stupid, lazy, ugly, useless, pathetic, helpless woman” because – as an adult – you now have the choice not to be any of these things.

All you have to do is acknowledge your real value, accept it and then make a commitment to retain it and build upon it.

George Bernard Shaw once said:

“The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.”

Woolly-thinking in the Self-esteem Movement

Remember that old adage about the road to somewhere nasty being paved with good intentions? Here are just two examples.

• The Self-esteem Movement has attempted to wrap us all in cotton-wool for years now in the hope of protecting our precious self-esteem. It’s the “self-esteem is our birthright” argument.Sadly, the only people who cling to this argument are people with low self-esteem who either have no idea how to improve matters, or lack the will to do so. The argument seduces them, because it appears to hold out hope that “someone else” might somehow take responsibility for their lack of self-esteem and magically confer higher self-esteem upon them, like a court awarding compensation.

  Believe me, this won’t happen, and nor should it. If you’ve ever been even slightly seduced by this argument, try asking someone whom you consider to possess strong self-esteem whether she believes it was her birthright or whether she had to earn it for herself. You can guess what she’ll tell you.

• The Self-esteem Movement seems to want us to believe that both self-esteem and self-worth are “binary” – that is, they exist in only one of two states like a light-switch that can be on or off. You’ve either got self-esteem or you haven’t. Of course, this fits well with the first point, but it’s simply NOT TRUE.Your self-esteem is more like a mosaic – made up of lots of little pieces, some of which can be damaged or missing to the detriment of the whole. You can make small improvements (baby steps, if you like) in one area, or in several areas at the same time. Either way, the overall mosaic will become more defined, stronger, and more appealing.

The best path forward

Thankfully, I sense that the world is beginning to reject the “teachings” of the Self-esteem Movement. Their good intentions have not delivered the results that were hoped for. There is a far better path to tread, and it leads to somewhere meaningful. It’s a path that anyone can follow if they want to. The signpost showing the way is this:

Self-esteem = doing well x feelgood factor

The truth of the matter is that NO-ONE is worthless but some people are worth more than others.

Of course it’s true that some people are born with physical features that are generally considered more beautiful than the average person’s physical features. Other people are more intelligent, some are more athletic but none of this is anything like as important as whether you make the most of who you are today and what you’ve got going for you right now. If you do this, and keep doing this day-in, day-out for the rest of your life, I can guarantee that you will never feel worthless again. You’ll be far too busy adding value here, there and everywhere to stop and wallow in self-pity.

Right at the beginning of this article I promised you a cure for worthlessness. Here it is, in three straightforward steps:

1. Acknowledge your real value by writing a list of your strengths, attributes and the good things that you do each day. If you’ve taken the Ultimate Self-esteem Test, then refer to your Self-esteem Profile and the Self-help Programs recommended to you to remind yourself of both your strengths and the areas you still need to work on. Accept this list as your starting point.
2. Make a commitment now to build your self-esteem and keep adding positive things to your life every day and find it within yourself to eliminate things from the negative side. Do more smiling, share more kind thoughts and caring emotions, be curious, optimistic, and courageous, work hard and have fun. And reduce the time and energy you expend in whingeing, moaning, or feeling sorry for yourself.
3. Be your own judge. You know yourself better than anyone and now that you’re an adult it is up to you to decide your worth and to attempt to live up to realistic expectations of yourself.

When I was living and working in Australia a few years ago I heard for the first time the expression “tall poppy syndrome”. It captures the notion that small-minded people often like to put down those who strive to do well because “tall poppies” make little weeds seem even smaller!

Don’t be afraid to be a tall poppy and enjoy the sun shining down on you.

This article is copyright protected: © 2005 Ibex Management Limited
Alison Finch is the Founder and Creator of Selfesteem4women.com, which has become the most popular self-esteem site for women on the Internet. Since 2004, she has reached out to over 200,000 women from over 90 countries and provided the much needed help to build their self-esteem and confidence. Her unique approach to building self-esteem is refreshingly different and has a twelve-year proven track record of success.

If you would like help to build more confidence and self-esteem then please visit the website: Selfesteem4women.com, take the Ultimate Self-esteem Test now and receive a free personalized Self-esteem eReport containing recommendations and useful self-esteem building information.

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Where do genuine self-love and self-acceptance come from? We get these things by soaking up all the affirmation our parents give us when we’re little. Also, our parents model their good self-worth to us.

What happens, though, if our parents didn’t give us what we needed? Are we doomed to forever feeling inadequate or unworthy if our folks were neglectful toward us or unaccepting of themselves?

The good news is that a person can develop self-love at any stage of life. Like learning a language, it’s easier to do as a child but it’s absolutely possible to do as an adult, using the following ten steps:

The first step is to recognize that any neglect, abuse or lack of protection you experienced as a child had nothing to do with you and everything to do with your parents’ limited capacity for giving love.

If your parents mistreated you it was not an indication of your inadequacy but rather, of their failings as parents. It is a mistake to judge yourself based on their poor parenting.

Too many people walk around with the incorrect assumption that they are undeserving of love, success or happiness today because they failed to please their parents.

The truth is, good parents love and accept their children regardless of their behavior or attributes. In fact, everyone deserves good things in life, regardless of whether or not they had adequate parenting.

The second step is to grieve the loss of what you didn’t receive as a child, and begin to give yourself all the love, care and support you needed then and still need, today..

In this way, you can start letting go of your past and being there for yourself. You’ll become your own “good parent” by making some time each day to engage in supportive and affirming self-talk.

Thirdly, take a good, clear look at the choices you’ve been making; forgive yourself for your mistakes and set your intention to make better choices in the future.

Self-esteem isn’t about complacency or leniency toward yourself but about compassion. An attitude of laziness or irresponsibility won’t help you develop self-esteem, but striving to be a better person will.

In the fourth step, you must recognize your negative self-talk. The judgments and criticisms we receive as children are internalized and become the “inner critic” whose negative messages are so familiar that often, they’re unrecognizable.

You’ll need to begin identifying all the things you say to yourself that undermine your self-confidence and self-acceptance. One such way is to ask yourself, “Would I talk to anyone else like this?”

When you recognize the messages of the inner critic, you can begin to contradict them, one by one. Remember, nobody needs to be perfect, and that being good enough is good enough!

The fifth step is to trust yourself that you have what it takes to live your best life and to handle each challenge as it arises. Self-trust leads to confidence, and greater self-esteem.

The sixth step is to face your challenges head-on. Avoiding difficulties leads to a sense of helplessness, which develops into anxiety and shame. Dealing with your challenges leads to a sense of mastery, and pride in your accomplishments.

The seventh step is standing up for yourself in your relationships and letting the important people in your life know what you really need and feel. Confrontation might be scary, but it will separate out your true friends from your false ones.

Improving your good relationships and walking away from the bad ones will make you feel empowered and will heighten your sense of self-worth.

Being a genuine person is a necessary eighth step in developing self-worth. If you put on a persona, no-one can know or love the real you. If you are genuine, you’ll experience esteem-building love and affirmation from the people who are close to you.

Self-soothing is the ninth step: You need to be able to comfort and reassure yourself when things are difficult. If you can’t do this, you’ll end up using food, alcohol or other addictions to self-soothe. These choices will create shame, whereas constructive self-soothing will build self-confidence and self-love.

Being a self-centered, thoughtless or greedy person won’t enable you to feel good about yourself. On the other hand, being kind, generous and patient with others will benefit them and enable you to feel good about yourself. Being a loving and giving person is the tenth and final step in building genuine self-acceptance.

(C) Marcia Sirota MD 2010

Marcia Sirota MD is a psychiatrist and psychotherapist practicing in Toronto Canada. Her areas of interest include overcoming compulsive eating and other addictions, unblocking creativity and healing PTSD.

She is the founder of the Ruthless Compassion Institute, which is dedicated to promoting the philosophy of Ruthless Compassion.

http://www.ruthlesscompassioninstitute.com

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In some point in our lives we will suffer from low self esteem, but that does not mean we try to strive for high self esteem. It is a moderate balance. High self esteem is all about how much we value others people’s opinions and how much we love ourselves. Low self esteem comes from a poor self image. Low self esteem thrives on negative thoughts which makes you believe the criticism made by others. This can cause you to lose faith in yourself maybe harm yourself.

Before fighting against the problem of low self esteem one should know about the factors behind low self esteem.

There are two factors which mainly affect our self esteem- how others see and treat us, how we see ourselves.

Let’s discuss the first factor how others see and treat us. There are many people who play an important role in our life like parents, teachers, friends wives and husbands. Criticism by these people can damage your self esteem. For example if parents spend more time criticizing their children, then it can be harder for children to develop a good self esteem. So we can confirm that how high or low a self esteem is all stems from our upbringing.

Apart from how our upbringing affects our self esteem there is a critic inside us as well to find fault in everything we do. Listening to the negative inner voice can harm a person’s self esteem in the same way other can do. The inner critic is our biggest enemy we may have had a good self esteem as a child but then something happens in our lives which changes our self esteem like a partner criticism, where self esteem is affected..

Our Self Esteem can be affected by our own expectations. People have their lives planned out and what they want to be. And when these plans do not materialise self esteem is affected.

We all experience problems with self esteem at certain times in our lives. But the good news is that, low self esteem is not permanent there are many ways we can improve or raise our self esteem. You can improve your self esteem if you put the effort in and have the self confidence to build self esteem and believe in yourself.

We can all strive for a better understanding of low self esteem and if you require some help then please visit Http://www.haanelmasterkeysystem.com for a 100% Free Mini Course, packed with videos and exercises to help you build self esteem fast.

Ann Mir has become an expert at raising self esteem through the most effective form of expert training, namely, her own journey from lack of motivation to being able to successfully motivate others. Now, she shares her techniques through her mini-course, the Haanel Master Key System, which combines text, audio, video and interactive components that are aimed at teaching the user to boost his own self esteem.

Check her Free Mini Course at http://www.haanelmasterkeysystem.com

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Self-esteem is a personality item that you have to have and if it is possible in great amounts. That is not to say that an individual must be extremely sure of oneself to the point of arrogance; they just need enough amounts to be in a position to withstand the pressures of life and lead a contented existence. It wouldn’t make much difference if self-esteem can be measured.

The reason for this is there is really no specific sum of self-esteem that one can be advised with. Different persons need different amounts of self-esteem in an identical way that different dynamics or aspects of one person’s life require different doses of self-esteem. There is really no specific amount. In fact, different instances also demand different amounts of self-esteem.

Whatever the amounts that you need, there is no argument that one needs self-esteem. It is basically developed during the grown up years in the way we’re treated by our parents and the people around us. Parental therapy and social group interaction play major roles in the development of self-pride. But that is not to say that self-pride will be a lasting fixture come adulthood. It can nevertheless be developed and enhanced, regardless of what the age is.

Below are some methods in how to develop the self-pride, methods that can work across all age groups. Read on and you could get a thing or two that you can put on in your own life or with others.

Self-affirmation

There is a difference between self-love and narcissism. Although it is not recommended to become enthusiastic about one’s positive qualities, it’s not wrong to once in a spell acknowledge our achievements and talents. Self-affirmation is a great way to rise our self-pride levels. Telling yourself that you are great ahead of the mirror every morning may seem too much but it genuinely works in increasing one’s self-confidence.

Obviously, you do not have to take self-affirmation to the extreme if you do not want to. Sometimes acknowledging the little achievements that you have done in the long-term is enough to raise the rate of self-esteem.

Doing the items that you like

There is no aphrodisiac that would make you like yourself more than doing the items that you love. When you love what you are carrying out, you become happier and more enthusiastic. You will also become more curious about working on your skills, thereby improving yourself and allowing you to believe yourself more. Besides, if you are pleased with what you are doing, you are more certain with your decisions and your actions.

Voicing out

There is something quite liberating with voicing out your own opinions and speaking your mind. Although there are some individuals who would try to put you down and argue with what you believe in; there are still people who will respect you for your notions. Acknowledging your ideas and becoming comfortable with your thoughts will allow you to slowly trust yourself; thus increasing your self-esteem.

Accepting that you aren’t perfect

There is no perfect person internationally. Often, people develop low self esteem as they try so much to be perfect; but one thing that they have to learn is that they cannot become one because there is no perfect person. All they are often is the best that they can be.

Read more about author in:

portable electric generator

solid wood doors

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Building self esteem is like building anything else – you build one brick at a time, one step at a time or one thing after another. Taking on the whole project at once can be too overwhelming and too confusing. The question is, where do you start?

The answer to the question, “Where do I start?” is unique to each person and the next question is “What about me seems to hold me back the most?” or put another way “If only I could ___(fill in the blank)___then I would like myself more.” When you answer the question or fill in the blank you have a starting place.” Some frequently heard “if onlys” are

• If I could only lose weight, then I would like myself more.
• If only I was prettier/handsomer I would like myself more.
• If only I wasn’t so shy -
• If only I was smarter -
• If only I had stylish clothes -
• If only I had a better job -
• And the list goes on.

Often what is chosen is the tip of the iceberg, with a multitude of complex issues lurking underneath. Weight loss, for example, is often a conglomerate of related, convoluted issues. It may include issues such as eating for  comfort, using food as a replacement for love, using fat as a protection against hurtful relationships (the fat will keep people at a distance – literally and figuratively). So the solution -  eating less and exercising more -  may not work until the underlying issues are addressed.The good news is that when you begin to feel better about yourself in one area, you come to terms with other issues as well.

But lets get real here. Most of the problem is in thinking that you don’t measure up, you aren’t good enough, you need to change to be acceptable and accepted. I other words you need a major overhaul to be lovable and loved – to be good enough.  Don’t worry about what caused your lack of self esteem. That’s in the past and you’re living in the now. So where do you start?

Ask the question again, “If only I could … Now try it on for size. “If only I could _____________ I would like myself more.” And then ask yourself,  “Why can’t I like myself right now just like I am  while I’m taking care of ____________? The answer is “You can.”  (e.g., If only I could lose weight I would like myself more. Hmmm. Why can’t I like myself right now?

But if I weight 300 pounds and hate who I see in the mirror, how can I do that?

Change your thinking.

Look in the mirror – regardless of what the issue is that makes you dislike yourself – take a good look at yourself in the mirror.  What you see in the mirror is the physical you. But you are more than that. You are also a mental, spiritual, emotional being. What about those parts?  Do you like who you are emotionally, spiritually, mentally?

What do you see in the mirror? What do you like? Beautiful eyes? Great hair? Amazing smile. Each of us has his or her special physical beauty. What is yours?

But, again, what about the other parts of you? You are a conglomerate – emotions, body, intelligence, and spirit are all so intertwined that they cannot be separated and anything that affects one part affects the other. You are holistic.

Begin by thinking about all the good things about you. Identify them one by one. Attach  positive emotions to them. For example, “I am told that I have a radiant smile. I can see it for myself in the mirror. That makes me feel really good. When I smile I see others smile back and it makes me forget that I don’t like myself much. So one starting place for me will be to smile more.”

This is a tiny step but it IS a step forward. I recommend that you visit Allison Maslan’s BlastOff so you can learn to design “mini feats” that help you reach your goal. You are, remember, holistic. When you improve in one area, you improve in others. Your thinking and your emotions affect the whole you. BlastOff will give you the tools to improve one “mini feat” at a time and achieve one goal after another.

You can do this. It’s a matter of taking the first step. After all, as a dear friend of mine asks,  “What’s not to love.?”

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Strong family relationships empower parenting by building your child’s self-esteem, motivating your child to listen and learn from you, and helping you to allow your child to make mistakes and learn from them.

The best way to encourage parent/child bonding is by spending time together.

What is One-On-One Time?

-  Scheduled personal time with your child

-  Ritualized parent/child interaction

-  Bonding time

-  Relationship building

-  Self-esteem building

One-On-One Time is all about SHOWING unconditional love and acceptance.

Why should you do it?

Studies show that it decreases your child’s risk for future problems such as:

-       Behavior problems

-       Academic problems

-       Drug and alcohol abuse

-       High-risk sexual behavior

Why?

Children are more willing to listen and seek guidance from parents that they feel care about them.

How do you do it?

-       Commit

-       Be in the moment

-       Listen

-       Summarize

Commitment

Commitment should be the driving force behind One-On-One Time. Children quickly learn to look forward to their private time with you. Don’t commit to something you can’t do.  Commit to a specific day and time.  Post it on a calendar and remind your child that it is coming.  Commit to it weekly if you can or at least every other week.

One-On-One Time does not have to be that long in duration.  If commitment is difficult, try 15 minutes a week.

Be in the Moment

Be a follower.  Being a follower is not easy.  I may feel a little awkward at first but it gets easier with practice.  Avoid teaching, correcting, and even asking too many questions.

Let your child take the lead and give lots of positive attention (use Catch ‘Em Being Good & Know Your Talents handouts).

Remember, this moment is all about them.

Listen

Listen to what they are saying and feeling.

Respond by repeating back to them what they are saying and feeling.  Check in with them if you are not sure by asking, “Are you saying…?” or “Did I get it right?”

With toddlers, just be their shadow and enjoy each new experience they discover.

Summarize

Always end with a positive summary of your One-On-One Time experience.  Try saying something like, “I really and fun with you today” and “Let’s do this again!”  Next month we will discover tools to strengthen the whole family including mom and dad.

Related posts:

• Part 3: Strong family relationships empower parenting by building your family’s internal unity.
• Building Self-esteem for Toddlers
• Building Your Child’s Self Esteem
• Empowered Parenting: A three part series on how to empower parenting by strengthening the family unit
• LoveParent by Betsy Thompson – A Review

Some of us have been around for a long time and we’re just learning that it’s o.k. to love ourselves. We were taught never to put ourselves first, that we were born sinful or bad, that we would never amount to anything unless …  (fill in the blank). If we mentioned something positive about ourselves it was called bragging and was not acceptable. We were told in school, Sunday school and at home that “Pride goeth before a fall.” And we were warned about letting things “go to our head.”  Praise was considered dangerously ego inflating and the rule of thumb was  that if you didn’t hear that it was wrong you probably did a good job.

Those days, hopefully, are gone for good.

Now we know that not only is it o.k, but it’s essential to love yourself. Consider these questions:

• If I don’t love me, who else can?

• If I don’t love me, can I truly love someone else?

Call it what you want  – self love, self esteem, self worth – how you regard yourself determines how you will regard others and how you will respond to a relationship. It is NOT – I repeat – It is NOT the “pride” part of “pride goes before a fall.”

I’m not saying that we  love only ourselves. Balance requires that we are “other centered” as well as “self centered” (self centered in a good way.” It also requires that we can give love as well receive love.

So,  how do we build our self esteem, our love of self in a healthy way?

Hara Estroff Marano, in Psychology Today states:

Self-love doesn’t happen by luck or the grace of God. You have to create it. These are among the most important elements of it.

• Honoring yourself and who you really are. Love is your birthright. As Teilhard de Chardin said, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

• Telling the highest truth, which is that we are powerful beings capable of creating joy and success or pain and suffering in our lives. We are not destined to be victims. We have the power to choose, and this power is both the greatest responsibility we have and the greatest opportunity.

• Honoring who you are becoming. Self-love involves recognizing that you are constantly evolving and growing to become a more powerful and more loving being.

• Honoring your feelings and responding to those feelings. Remember, feelings are important signals, and even the so-called negative feelings of anger and fear serve the important purpose of alerting us to the obstacles in our life.

• Recognizing that the universe is literally made of love. “If we will just open ourselves to receive, like flowers opening to the sun, then everything is possible,” says Ti Caine, hypnotherapist and life coach based in Sherman Oaks, California.

How do you begin honoring yourself? It starts with awareness. Become aware of who you are, what your strengths are, what you like/love. Pay attention. Accept the fact that you are unique, special, one of a kind. Some of the tools to help you become more aware and accepting of who you are include:

Meditation – this is a time when you really get to know you. Silence of the mind can teach you more that you can possibly learn in a lecture. Use it as a time to commune with your inner self. Have a good chat with your Supreme Being. Do you think for a moment that the Creator made a mistake when you were created?

Journaling – writing down your thoughts and feelings on a daily basis can show you a clearer picture of your strengths and weaknesses. We all have weaknesses so don’t be afraid of them.

Gratitude and Appreciation – As you start being aware of those things you are grateful for and that you appreciate you will find it easier to be grateful for and appreciate things about yourself.

Service to others - There is absolutely no better way to feel better about yourself than to be of service to others. Not just because you receive sincere compliments but because the energy of giving creates something new in you. Try it and see.

There is never a better time to start loving yourself than right now. Go for it.

Related posts:

• When is the Last Time You Said “I Love You?”
• Happy Valentine’s Day
• Love Changes Everything
• October 21, 2010 Love
• What It Means to Love the Self

A shocked silence hung over the conference room. Barry (not his real name), usually a compassionate and even-tempered vice president, had just loudly berated one of his managers during a staff meeting. The accused manager was looking down at his hands with a reddened face and the other managers’ jaws had dropped at this unusual display of emotional mismanagement.

Barry quickly ended the meeting and hurried to his office. Later, he told me about the situation. “I was at the end of my rope, Kristin. My son is having terrible health problems and I had been up most of the night worrying about him and about work. I shouldn’t have lost my temper. How can I ever forgive myself or make it up to that manager?”

As his coach, I told him that self-forgiveness is an important managerial practice, and that he had an opportunity to model good self-care to the rest of the team. He decided to apologize in person to the manager and made a public apology at the next staff meeting. Then he and I worked on ways for Barry to forgive himself.

You probably can relate to Barry’s situation. Everyone has multiple instances in their past that beg for self-forgiveness. Here are some self-forgiveness opportunities you might experience:

You blame yourself for being laid-off or not getting a promotionYou are angry at yourself for having to learn by making mistakes (like saying something hurtful, sending out an inappropriate email, doing something unethical)You deeply regret harm that you caused someone elseYou are caught in a cycle of self-talk that endlessly repeats, “I shoulda, coulda, woulda”You regret lost opportunities to create harmony or show love, such as losing your temper at work or missing your daughter’s soccer gameYou aren’t ready to forgive someone else

Naturally, your first step in self-forgiveness is to take responsibility for what you did. That means that you make amends for any harm you created, and do your best to right any wrong. You might have to apologize to the person you hurt, or reap the natural or legal consequences of what you did (such as paying a fine, going to court, losing a job, not closing a deal, and more). Taking responsibility is the mark of a mature individual.

However, if you think you need self-forgiveness, you already, by definition, realize the part you played in the situation and are aware of your responsibility. This awareness is positive, and you must give yourself a pat on the back for being responsible for your actions.

Then, you deserve your own forgiveness. Remember that forgiveness is achieving a feeling of neutrality toward the situation and not feeling surge of negative emotions when you think about it. Self-forgiveness is part of exquisite self-care, in which you fulfill your own needs and take full responsibility for your own happiness.

The seven-step process of forgiving that I describe in my new book, A Forgiveness Journal: Letting Go of the Past, works for both forgiving others and forgiving ourselves. Some of the highlights of the process include identifying your feelings, gaining perspective and blessing yourself.

Identify your feelings. You must express your feelings such as regret, anger, sadness, blame and resentment. Emotions that are buried or stuffed away never die – they only cause One effective way to do this is to write about your feelings, perhaps starting your sentences with “I am angry about {blank}” or “I feel regret about {blank}”. The great thing about writing is that it is entirely private – no one needs to see what you write. One of my coaching clients types his journal entries on his computer and purposely does not save his writing, so there is no chance of anyone finding or seeing what he wrote.

Gain Perspective Are you even going to remember this incident at the end of your life? If not, then you realize the relative insignificance of this event. Were there good things that came out of the experience for you? List any positive outcomes. What would the benevolence of Source energy say about this? Source does not judge you but can only extend love, just as a loving parent extends loves to a wayward child. As a spiritual teacher once told me, “We must extend to ourselves the same compassion that we extend to others.”

Bless Yourself Understanding that you did the best you could under the circumstances, you can let go of your self-judgment and bless yourself instead. Every time you think of the situation, consciously redirect your thoughts away from “I shoulda…” and choose to practice self-love by saying, “I honor my true essence” or “I bless myself”.

Changing the world starts with changing yourself. There is a wonderful ripple effect that happens when we change our interior perspective. Our actions start lining up with our thoughts, and people begin to react differently to us. As Gandhi so famously said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Practice self-forgiveness to create a more forgiving world.

If you like what you’ve read so far, you’ll want to sign up for Kristin Robertson’s free monthly newsletter at [http://www.brioleadership.com]http://www.brioleadership.com. Also, check out her book, A Forgiveness Journal: Letting Go of the Past, at [http://www.aforgivenessjournal.com]http://www.aforgivenessjournal.com. Kristin is President and Head Coach of Brio Leadership, a coaching, consulting and training firm that helps builds spiritually intelligent individuals and teams so they can live lives of integrity, meaning and fulfillment. She believes that incorporating spiritual intelligence in the workplace is a way to positively transform lives and create highly productive work environments.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kristin_Robertson

Related posts:

• Two Points of View on Forgiveness
• I Will NOT Forgive Him For What He Did to Me!
• Forgiveness and Self Improvement
• Forgiveness and Self Improvement II
• Self-Help: Forgiving for Your Sake