By Irene Conlan -
Did you ever notice how it’s the little things that get you tied up in a knot? The big things we often handle with grace and acceptance. We muster all our inner resources and deal with the situation accepting what cannot be changed and doing what we can to adjust. .
But sometimes those little things … Well, you know what I mean.
As you may have read, this week lightening struck our house and did some damage to some of our electrical outlets and phones. Everything is fixed now except for the halogen lamp. Yesterday I bought a bulb (a $6.95 bulb which I think is pricy) and installed it in the lamp. No light. I twisted it, turned it, took it out and put it back in, reversed it – no light. I checked the plug which I already knew is working just fine, plugged the lamp back in – no light. I didn’t know what else to do so I went about my business doing something else for awhile.
I really wanted to get that lamp fixed. I have a sectional couch and I had it pulled apart because the lamp sits behind it in the corner which is the only dark spot in the room. The couch is heavy and I didn’t want to put it back together until the lamp was fixed. I just wanted to do it once.
A few hours later I returned to the lamp. I took the bulb out and did all the same things I did the first time. (The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Hmmm) I had a flicker of light and then nothing. No light. Insanely, I tried most of those steps again hoping to get the bulb “just right” and be rewarded with beautiful, corner-filling light. No such luck.
By now my frustration level was getting rather high and it isn’t a feeling I liked.
Wikipedia has a nice description of frustration:
Frustration is a common emotional response to opposition. Related to anger and disappointment, it arises from the perceived resistance to the fulfillment of individual will. The greater the obstruction, and the greater the will, the more the frustration is likely to be. Causes of frustration may be internal or external. In people, internal frustration may arise from challenges in fulfilling personal goals and desires, instinctual drives and needs, or dealing with perceived deficiencies, such as a lack of confidence or fear of social situations. Conflict can also be an internal source of frustration; when one has competing goals that interfere with one another, it can create cognitive dissonance. External causes of frustration involve conditions outside an individual, such as a blocked road or a difficult task.
So what do you do when you’re totally frustrated?
As in all things there is a choice. In this situation I could
- Have a temper tantrum (react in anger) to release the inner stress
- find a solution
- do nothing
This may sound strange, but I was in too good a mood to have a temper tantrum. No tantrums today! I find that they rarely solve anything and there are other ways to let off steam. That left me with a choice between finding a solution or doing nothing.
My solution was to do nothing. We have a good friend who knows about these things. He will be coming by one day next week and I will let him try his hand with it. In the meantime, I put the couch and the lamp back together and we’ll just wait for Andrew.
Generally, dealing with frustration in a mature and effective way involves awareness. When you are aware of the whole situation and aware of what’s happening within yourself, you can make rational decisions about the action you can take.
Ask yourself the questions:
- Is this important enough to allow it to ruin my day?
- Is this within my control?
- Is this something I have the skill set to deal with or do I need to get help?
- What can I do now to lower my stress level and deal with the situation without losing my cool?
If after assessing the situation I realize there is nothing I can do right now to change the situation, I can make a decision to get help, postpone the action until I have something I need, or drop it all together.
You may find that it’s something you can drop altogether or at least drop your expectations about. I had high expectations for getting that lamp fixed and the couch put back together. It didn’t happen. Changing my expectations took all the tension out of the situation.
Neither the cat nor I are worried about the dark corner. In fact, it would be a good place for both the cat and I to have a nap. Maybe then she’ll get off my computer.
Enjoy the day
