By Irene Conlan -

Isn’t it interesting that death is 100% certain for each of us and yet it is one of those things that we just don’t talk about in our Western culture? People grieve alone primarily. Two months after the death of a loved one friends are saying, “Isn’t it time you got over this?” We don’t know what to say and we’re uncomfortable with the whole subject so most of us choose to ignore it altogether. But it’s a subject that needs to be talked about. More and more people are looking for information on how to grieve or  help those who are grieving.

Because my belief system includes a belief in multiple lifetimes, a.k.a. reincarnation, I could not understand why people made dying and grieving such a big deal. “We’re just going to come back again anyway,” was my thinking. And then my fiance died of Lou Gehrig’s Disease. After many grueling months of being  his caregiver and then sitting at his bedside in hospice watching him die, I was not prepared for the surge of grief that followed. I did not understand the huge hole his dying would leave in my life. I was grieving my loss  and it was enormous. After the first few weeks following his death, people decided I should be “over it”  and come to “closure.” His sister realized I needed more than that and, over the next couple of years,  traveled from Sedona to Phoenix on a regular basis to be with me and let me talk about Stephen. God bless Holly. We helped each other get through the indescribable loss. I thought I was supposed to go through it according to Kubler-Ross’s stages and, not following them exactly, I thought I was somehow “off track” with the grief thing. When my son developed a web site for Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley called “The Grief Blog“  I had a chance to learn about grief and grieving – the most important thing is that we each grieve in our own time and our own way. (It’s interesting to me that, as a health care professional, I was never taught how to deal with grief.)

The Griefblog was widely received and  got too busy for my son to keep up with and I began posting articles to it for him. I eventually became its editor. What I have learned about grief and grieving helped me through the end of my own grieving process and, as Dr. Gloria says, “The pain remains but the suffering has stopped.”  I wish I had know all this sooner. I wish people could talk about it. And so we will.

What about you? Have you lost someone in the past few years and you just don’t know how to get through it? Do you have a bereaved friend and you have no idea what to say or how to help? Do you change the subject when the subject of death comes up in conversation? We avoid it as if ignoring it would make our own inevitable death go away – it won’t.

The Grief Blog began as an adjunct of the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart which airs live each Thursday a.m. and is hosted by Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley.  From these two components emerged the Open to Hope Foundation which now has numerous blogs about grief and grieving; e.g., loss of a child, loss of a spouse, military loss, etc. They also have a  Youtube community – http://www.youtube.com/opentohope – and are hosting the leaders in death education who are making short videos to help those who are grieving or are trying to help those who are grieving. New videos are  posted every week so check back often. You will find several posted in the right column.

If this sounds like a commercial for Open to Hope, please excuse me. There is  just nothing else like it available – anywhere. It is cutting edge and I want to share it with you.

It’s time we take a look at death and dying, grief and grieving. It’s time to talk about it – out loud.

One of the things I “harp” on in this blog is knowing what you believe and that includes knowing what you believe about death, dying and what happens after death. This would be a good time to review those beliefs.