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6 Smart Tips on Making Tough Decisions

August 9, 2010 By Leave a Comment

questionBy Amanda Paul -

There will always come a time in each of our lives in which we will have to make a tough decision. From deciding if your current relationship is right for you to whether or not you should go for that big promotion. Tough decisions can come from all aspects of our life from personal to professional. This is why today I am going to give you some smart tips to use the next time you are faced with a tough decision.

1. Set a deadline for yourself – It is really important that you set a deadline for yourself about when you want to have a final decision made. Without a deadline we allow ourselves to procrastinate or maybe even miss an opportunity. Setting a deadline may be scary but it is a necessary part of the decision making process.

2. Trust yourself – I firmly believe that each of is the expert of our life. Who knows you better that you? By taking charge and seeing yourself as an expert of your choices can give you the confidence you need to make difficult life decisions. Often we allow our bad choices of the past to diminish our ability to make the right choice. I have found that often when I have made a bad choice it has been because I haven’t trusted myself and instead just went along with something or trusted someone else to make the decision for me and this generally ended with negative results.

3. Evaluate the cost and gain with the decision – With each choice that we face in life there is a cost and something that we gain. It is important to determine if the gain is worth the cost. Maybe the higher paycheck of a new position is not worth the added stress and responsibility or maybe the new home is appealing but isn’t worth the higher mortgage payment and tighter budget. If the cost is not worth the gain then you may not want to move forward with making a change.

4. Ask for advice – I put this step further down the list for a reason. Often we will seek out the advice of others to avoid making the difficult decision ourselves. When asking a person for advice make sure it is someone that you trust and that will take advice giving seriously. It is important that you don’t just make a decision based on their advice but take it under consideration. Talking with someone about the decision may give you an alternative perspective and they may be able to give you different points to evaluate before deciding.

5. Make a pros and cons list – If after using the above tips you still find yourself torn you might try making a pros and cons list. Take a piece of paper divide it into two halves and write the positives of making the decision and the negatives. If you really want to hash out the options in this way you may also make a list about the pros and cons of not making the decision. After your lists are complete sit down and consider all options. Hopefully this may help to resolve any left over fears or insecurities about your decision.

6. Decide – This is the most important step. If we never finally make a choice then we could end up with a decision being made for us or nothing at all. I can ensure that if you never finally make the decision you will spend your days wishing that you had. I believe it is better to make a choice and give it a try then to sit and allow life to happen to you. Make a choice and take ownership for that choice. If you have followed these steps then you can be assured that your decision was well thought out and you can move forward confidently knowing that you have made a well informed decision.

These aren’t the only things you can do to help make those tough decisions easier, but they’re a good starting point. Try one or all of them the next time a tough decision rears it’s head in your life and press forward toward your goals.

And now, I’d like to invite you to claim your FREE instant access to my “Ultimate Guide To Goal Setting” which you will receive when you sign up for my “Become A Better You” Newsletter at my blog at http://www.AmandaTPaul.com

You’ll receive inspirational guidance and tips that will help you begin to create the kind of life you’ve always wanted for yourself, one full of happiness and fulfillment. You really can change the course of your life, if you’re willing to take the right steps and push toward your goals! Join us today and start “becoming a better you!”

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Filed Under: Emotional Health, Health, Intellectual Health Tagged With: , , , , ,

Making Tough Decisions

August 9, 2010 By 3 Comments

this is the questionBy Irene Conlan -

I was recently faced with a very tough decision that affected not only myself but someone else. A “no” would be good for me but not for the other person. A “yes” might be good for me but, then again, in the long run might not. It would possibly be good for the other person. I couldn’t see it  clearly and wrestled with it.  I spent  time in meditation and  I tried to look at it from all sides. I realized I was operating from “ought to” and “should” and was feeling guilty for potentially letting someone down. A decision based on guilt is often not the best decision for anyone. So I tried to take guilt out of the equation and look at it again.

Then I asked the simple question: “Is this for my best and highest good?” The clear answer was “no.”  I asked the next question “Is this for the other’s best and highest good?” and the answer wasn’t so clear. It was, “I don’t know.”

What I do know is that I am the only one who can make decisions for me. I have to be an advocate for me because I am responsible for the decisions I make and the actions I take. No one else is or can be. Nor am I responsible for anyone else’s decisions and actions.

The  dilemma for me involves the decision that seems to be a choice between selfishness and compassion. When is it o.k. to take care of me first? When is it all right to say, “I just can’t do that right now” ? When is it o.k. to say “no?”

It is  not an easy question. There is not an easy answer.

In the Dalai Lama’s Book of Wisdom, he states:

“If you think only of yourself, if you forget the rights and well-being of others, or, worse still, if you exploit others, ultimately you will lose. You will have no friends who will show concern for your well-being. Moreover, if a tragedy befalls you, instead of feeling concerned, others might even secretly rejoice.

By contrast, if an individual is compassionate and altruistic, and has the interests of others in mind, then irrespective of whether that person knows a lot of people, wherever that person moves, he or she will immediately make friends. And when that person faces a tragedy, there will be plenty of people who will come to help.”

We all have to make troubling decisions now and then – decisions that are complex and involve others – decisions that involve the heart as well as the head. Sometimes “no” is the more compassionate answer.

I have peace knowing that I looked at all sides. I know I was making the best possible decision I know to make at this time with the awareness I have right now.  If the situation changes and/or my awareness changes I can make another decision.

Life is filled with choices, decisions, uncertainties, and no guarantees. The best we can do sometimes feels like it is not enough. Looking at “the big picture” I know that I have an attitude of compassion for others and at times the decision has to be made to take care of me, too. Peace lets me know it was a good decision.

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: , , , , ,

Let’s Put the “Self” Back in Self Improvement!

December 4, 2009 By Leave a Comment

b143By Irene Conlan -

Most of us don’t get bogged down in definitions of words like “self” – we know we’re talking about the “I” that’s called “me.” For those of you who love definitions, “The self is a key construct in several schools of psychology, broadly referring to the cognitive and affective representation of one’s identity.” Wikipedia

But let’s don’t get bogged down in that bit of psychiatric hair splitting over a word we all understand. Hey, it’s me – the me inside this body that thinks, feels, knows, makes decisions, loves, longs for, and all those other things I do that differentiate me from any else. Oops, there I spilled the beans.

My “self” differentiates me from everyone else.

Are you telling me that I’m not supposed to be like anyone else?

Yep.

As humans we all have similarities and we all have uniqueness. For instance we all have likes and dislsikes but what those likes and dislikes are varies from person to person. We all experience hunger but what satisfies that hunger is unique. We each can hear the same music but how we experience it is distinctive to “me.”  Everything I see, hear, experience in anyway is filtered through my total experience throughout my lifetime and that makes it special to “me.” Get it? My self has to be different from your self because our total lifetime experience has varied.

Got it.  So?

Well, let’s talk about putting “self” back into self improvement. There are a lot of books on the shelves of bookstores and libraries offering “self help.”  In fact one web site lists the 50 top self help classics. Classics! (And I think they’re worth reading over a lifetime.) They cover almost any topic you can imagine from Anxiety control to zodiac signs and each has it’s own slant – you can get two books on the same topic that give you totally different advice. So which one is right? Perhaps both.  Perhaps neither. In my opinion most self help books are valuable as guidelines, as information to be considered before you make the decision based on who you are and what you want.

We are fortunate to have so much wonderful information at our fingertips. If we want to know how to do lose weight, for example, we can go to the bookstore, library, internet, your family physician or a bariatric specialist. When you have information from each of them then, looking at all the data and all the advice, you can make a decision that works for you. (Hopefully).  If you want to stop smoking you can do the same type of research and then make a choice – do you wear a patch, take a pill, visit a hypnotist, get acupuncture,  or just go “cold turkey?” It’s your choice – what works best for you.

It is my own personal opinion that we put too much confidence in the “experts” who know a lot about a subject but nothing about you – or me. I love the experts and I consult them often. You probably do, too. Fantastic. But do you take their words as “gospel truth” or do you weigh them carefully along with other “experts” on the same subject and made a decision based on your needs, wants and individual differences?

Yes?

Good for you.

We are gifted with good minds, a wide range of emotions, solid inner guidance and free will. We may be out of the habit of making good decisions for ourselves but we can get back into the swing of it soon with a little practice. It’s not too late to stop trying to be like everyone else and discover what’s so wonderfully special about your “self” and what about you is beautifully unique.

Join with me in the campaign to put “self” back into self improvement. It sounds like fun to me.

Filed Under: Dreams and Goals, Self Esteem, Self Improvement Tagged With: , , , , ,