By Irene Conlan -
I’m going to Mexico next week – to La Paz to visit my brother who has a winter condo there. It’s a beautiful, peaceful place and I love my visits there. But getting ready is something of a challenge because I literally have nothing to wear. I have lost over 90 pounds in the past six months and nothing – and I mean nothing – in my closet fits anymore. What a joy! But since they don’t allow nude people on the beach I decided I’d better go shopping.
So yesterday I went out on a shopping adventure. I started this spree early so there weren’t many shoppers in the store. I like to browse for a while and then make my selections for the fitting room. A very nice clerk was helping me, giving me space to browse. She got a phone call and another clerk took over. I was looking at some blouses that I really liked but the clerk decided to tidy up the rack at that moment. Everything I would reach for she would grab, mumble something about how people don’t put things back correctly and hang it in it’s correct place according to size and color. After about three tries to look at one of them closer I decided to move on and let her finish rearranging the rack.
She followed me. She was very sweet but over-solicitous and my “browsing” became impossible.
No matter what I took of the rack for a closer look, she urged me to try it on and then insisted that it was just right for me. It became a game for me when I realized she would tell me I looked good in the most ill-fitting outfits. I discovered that what fit my body in one place didn’t fit in another and that I was several sizes simultaneously. What an interesting dilemma. I tried on slacks and capris and shirts and tee tops and came up with nothing. I opined that I had lost “the game.”
I got dressed in my own clothes, thanked the clerks for their assistance and started to leave the store. A younger clerk who had been watching “the game” asked me if I needed clothes for something special. “I’m going to Mexico to sit on the beach” I told her and she went into action. “Oh, let me help you,” she said, “I love doing this.” She headed toward a rack on the other side of the store. She found things we hadn’t seen, that I liked, and that fit.
There were times when all three women were finding things for me and giving me suggestions. I told them they made me feel like a princes – they actually made me feel quite special and it felt good.”The Game” became fun and successful.
We found several things that were just right. When I checked out, the manager gave me a nice discount that made “the game” even better.
On reflection it was interesting to me how different things are when you’re seriously overweight contrasted with when you can wear smaller sizes. I’ve been in that store before only to be ignored and leave empty handed. I like their clothes but I don’t like the way they treated larger women – and I saw it happening to others (They are one of the few stores in town that carry a nice line of clothing in plus sizes as well as regular sizes).
A great deal of attention is being given obesity these days – by the government, by the news media, and by reality programs such as The Biggest Loser. As one who has “been there” let me tell you that losing weight is one of those things that is “easier said than done.” I tried every diet that came along and gained on it. After fifteen years of searching for something that would help me, I found it. I had been told by one doctor to forget about it because people my age can’t lose weight. (How’s that for negative reinforcement?) and six months later I found a doctor that said, “I can help you.”
She has, indeed, helped me and I am more than grateful. I am successful.
In the past I have experienced the disgusted looks of people who have never had a weight problem and I have endured their unkind remarks. People with a weight problem already feel bad enough, they don’t need disparagement heaped upon them, too.
I had gained weight after a bout with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and grew from a size 6-8 to a size 18 in a matter of months and just continued gaining. When I started gaining I was eating the same way that had kept me a size 6 – 8 and no diet or exercise program made a difference. After a few years of doing everything I knew to do, I gave up trying. I finally leveled off and for the past two years gained no more. Maybe the timing was just right.
I feel like I have a brand new life. I’m not finished yet but the end is in sight. I have my health back. That part of me that was in pain has recovered and I feel good about how I look.
If you are reading this and you have a weight problem, take heart. Don’t give up. If you are seriously committed to losing weight and regaining your health there is someone out there who can help you. You can’t always do it alone so keep searching. There are more and more programs available to help you. One of them will work for you.
If you are reading this and you don’t understand the enormity of the problem (no pun intended) then try to understand the hell that many obese people are in. Have compassion and some kind words. If you clerk in a store, help them as you would help someone in a size 4 – with dignity and respect.Most obese people want help and many already dislike themselves intensely. Don’t add to their pain.
So, in parting, let me say, Ladies of “the game” I thank you for your service. And now, off to La Paz!
6 Steps to Dealing With Discouraging Comments (So You Don’t Get Derailed!)
Have you ever felt discouraged by people mocking your wellness efforts? Comments like:
“Well, aren’t you Miss Healthy!”
“You don’t need to work out. You are so tiny.”
“Come on, this one dessert won’t kill ya.”
“Must be nice to be able to eat whatever you want.”
Maybe you’ve heard those words. Maybe you’ve said or thought them of someone else.
Having lived a wellness lifestyle for decades, I’ve experienced many little jabs over the years – often from people you think would be most supportive. And because it is human instinct to want to fit in and be loved, if you take those comments to heart, they can squash your exercise or clean-eating efforts. In fact, they can absolutely derail you… especially when you are just forming new habits.
I particularly love the phrase – “Must be nice” – as if its luck that fit people look the way they do. Every person who works at being fit knows that luck has very little to do with it. It’s a lifestyle choice. Yes, some genetics are involved. But time and time again, success stories prove that attitude and daily habits have much more to do with your health and appearance than genetics.
So how do you deal with those snarky sarcastic comments without just snapping back or derailing yourself? Here are six important steps:
1. SEEK TO UNDERSTAND
First off, know that their comments aren’t about you. They are about them. Often times when people are out of synch with their own truth, they project onto others. They justify their unhealthy choices at a dinner party by singling the healthy ones out. Having this awareness fills me with compassion for these people, because I know that if they need to project onto me, they must really be out of sorts within themselves. You can tell so much about a person by the quality and tone of their comments.
2. PLAN YOUR RESPONSE
If you know your response in advance, then these comments can slide right off you. For example, when someone says to me, “Must be nice.” My response is “Nice doesn’t begin to capture how amazing it feels.” When someone says, “Well aren’t you Miss Healthy” I say, “That’s the goal.” Plan your response in a way that is genuine and supportive of your efforts – something that reaffirms your conviction. It helps the Universe know you mean business!
3. CELEBRATE THEIR NOTICING
I’m the queen of reframing things(just ask my clients). So when someone makes a snarky comment, I take note. Hmmm… I must be doing something right that causes them to notice my delicious healthy habits. Their comment just became my rocket fuel.
4. VOICE YOUR TRUTH
If you can’t reframe their comments, especially when they’re from someone in your immediate circle, talk to this person(s). Tell them how important this wellness journey is to you. Ask them to either support your efforts or keep quiet. Often time’s people have no idea how hurtful their comments are. Voicing your truth softly but firmly honours you AND teaches people how to treat you.
5. LEAD THE WAY
I’ve discovered the most powerful way to transform other people’s thinking is to be a role model. When a friend or family member sees the results you’re getting (because you look fantastic!), all of a sudden the comments at the dinner table seem to go quiet. The same people who were taking jabs are now asking, what’s your secret?
Isn’t human behavior funny?
These five steps also apply to comments about parenting, career or business success, or your personal spending choices.
People will always have an opinion. Their opinion is not your problem.
The world needs more people who will rise in the face of snarky comments versus shrink. Right? So remember, seek to understand, plan your response, celebrate their noticing, voice your truth and lead the way.
Oh, and one BONUS point…
Get a louder cheering section.
Surround yourself with people who will cheer you on with inspiration and encouragement versus drag you down because of their own stuff. You deserve to be happy and healthy. You deserve to have energy to live the life you desire. Keep taking steps down the wellness path.
The world needs your sparkle. And your sparkle is enough.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Paula_Onysko
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