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Our Family Holiday Traditions – Should We Keep Them or Sack Them?

November 22, 2011 By Leave a Comment

By Nan McAdam -

There are many different types of families. There are extended, nuclear, and blended families. There are families who aren’t related by blood. These friend families are, sometimes, closer than blood ties. They are the family we choose. One thing, which has stood the test of time is, families who have the strongest ties have the most rituals. The rituals are better known as traditions. Why is it important for family closeness to observe holiday traditions?

Here are a few reasons I have found for participating in our important family rituals.

SENSE OF FAMILY AND CLOSENESS

It gives us time to spend with each other. This time together helps us understand and love one another. It’s a great time to drag out our old stories and memories, while we are making new ones, by being together. These memories are very important for us. We are able to call upon these memories when times aren’t going well.

A SENSE OF CONNECTION

Spending holidays together gives us a sense of being a family unit and understanding our commonalities of where we come from. A family can’t stay close without, actually, spending the time together. Even when we are away from our family we still feel this connection.

KEEPS OUR HERITAGE ALIVE

It gives us an opportunity, and the time, to teach our heritage to the next generation, our children. In the United States, we are a melting pot of cultures. We are, also, a nation of many different faiths. The holidays, gives us a chance to share the traditions from the part of the world our families originally came from. We can celebrate our family’s faith. Our families might celebrate the Christmas holidays, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, and the list goes on. We can, also, celebrate our American heritage, such as Independence Day, on July 4th, and our Thanksgiving tradition in November.

A TIME TO RELATE TO EACH OTHER

A chance to problem solve and communicate what is important to us. Things like goals, challenges and needs. It gives us a chance to heal from things like the loss of a loved one. There’s no better way to heal from a devastating loss than to be together as a family. To share tears, stories, grief, blessings, and eventually move through it, closer from the experience.

A TIME TO FORGIVE

Being together for holidays gives us the togetherness to forgive each other. We are able to associate the holiday traditions as a happier time. It puts us in a frame of mind to forgive each other, so we can retain our sense of closeness and family.

COOPERATION AND WORKING TOGETHER

Preparing a meal helps us relate to each other by working to create a common goal. Sharing this meal of accomplishment, helps everyone to relax and let their guard down. We gain strength and appreciation from this closeness.

In the end, it doesn’t matter what your family unit looks like to the outside world. It is only important to share the holidays and celebrate with our special traditions. This family unit is the only one who can decide what they want to celebrate. Each of our souls need to feel this special closeness and celebrations of life!

From my family to yours, have a happy holiday season!

Nan has been studying self improvement for over 20 years. She has been involved with two start up companies, from ground zero to profitability. Responsible for hiring and training their sales forces, and ongoing development of sales strategies as the businesses matured. Nan is the author of the popular 7 Day Goal Setting Course, http://www.goalsettingsecrets4u.com. For more articles read Nan’s blog: http://www.selfimprovementinformation.com.

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A Formula for Happiness

June 5, 2011 By Leave a Comment

By Mehera Arjani -

As a behavioural psychologist and Life-skills coach, the study of happiness is important to me. Not just professionally, though a lot of my clients are in pursuit of happiness, but also spiritually and personally.

I grew up in a family that follows the Indian spiritual Master, Meher Baba. His best known quote (used by Robby McFerrin in the song ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’) is “Don’t worry, be happy. I love you more than you can ever love yourself.” As a child I took this quote for granted, but my belief was tested many years later, when I was going through the break-up of my marriage and subsequent divorce. One time I was with Meher Baba’s sister Mani Irani when she said to me, “Don’t think that Baba’s message to not worry and be happy is merely a feel-good saying. It is an order from your spiritual master and has to be obeyed. You owe it to Him, if not to yourself, to not worry and be happy. If anything or anyone stands between you and the carrying out of that order, you need to remove that thing or person from your life.”

Having been given such a strong directive, I had to think about my life and what exactly was making me unhappy. After a lot of heart-searching and honest evaluation I realised that the main cause of my unhappiness was not my husband at the time but my expectations of him, my marriage and our life together. As a behavioural psychologist I knew I could find a way to work through this. I would be a pretty useless behavioural psychologist if I didn’t! So I started keeping an ‘Expectations Diary’. This was a small notebook that fit into a pocket and had a pencil tucked in the spine. Each time I had an expectation, no mater how small – the toast will turn out just as I like it, I’ll not hit too much traffic on my way to work, my son will not track mud through the house, my husband will remember to say ‘thank you’ for the meal I cooked – I made a mark in the diary, a five-bar code. If it was a big expectation, I wrote a bit about it, but mostly the book was filled with five-bar codes. At the start I had well over 750 expectation incidents a day. No wonder I was unhappy!

Day after day over a period of five years I reduced my expectations. My husband did not, so we ended up separating and eventually divorcing. But I ended up with between 250 and 150 expectation incidents a day. No matter how I tried I couldn’t get them down further. But it worked! I was happier than I had ever been. People started noticing that I was more positive and had a much more realistic approach to life and they began to ask how they could achieve the same results in their own lives.

So far I had ignored reality, and only focused on expectations, but I looked at how reality impacted on the level of happiness in my life and I came to the conclusion that there is an almost scientific formula for happiness:

HAPPINESS = REALITY / EXPECTATIONS or H = R/E

We have two ways of increasing the happiness in our lives. The one I had used was a reduction process, I reduced my expectations and increased my happiness. But there is a second way. You can expand your reality by setting and achieving realistic goals to become more qualified, wealthy, popular or whatever. A lot of my clients were over-achievers, and reducing their expectations was very difficult for them. So we had to work out a programme of expanding their reality side by side with cutting out some of their more extreme expectations. The perspective needed to shift from merely looking at overt success – professional growth, promotions, big contracts, more business, more money – to real success. The apparently successful had to look behind their outward achievements to the desolation in their personal lives – the broken marriages, failed relationships, estranged or neglected parents and children, lack of true friendships and a hollow spiritual core – and decide if they really wanted to be happy. Did their inner happiness mean enough to them to sacrifice some of the outer trappings of material success? If they could honestly answer in the affirmative, we worked together, if not they had to find another therapist. Over the years I have helped a lot of individuals move towards real happiness, not just for themselves but also the people they care about. They in turn have gone on to spread the message of the Happiness Formula to others.

In case you are thinking, “What on earth did she do with the Expectation Diaries?” After five years I had quite a few collected, so I burnt them. I had a great time symbolically saying goodbye to the obstacles to my happiness. There is something of an arsonist in most of us that loves a good bonfire, I think.

Meher Baba Quote courtesy of Avatar Meher Baba Perpetual Public Charitable Trust (AMBPPCT)
Article copyright Mehera Arjani

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10 Steps To Improve Wellbeing

March 9, 2011 By Leave a Comment

ten steps to emotional well beingBy Pat Heydlauff -

Do you live today like it is the most important day of your life? Do you do things that really matter on a daily basis? What did you tell someone today that will be remembered about you for the rest of their life if tomorrow never comes? What was the last thing you told yourself before falling asleep – you are important, something uplifting and encouraging?

Words and actions create your life story in the eyes of others. Words and thoughts create your life when they are in your mind. And, they either improve your physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing or contribute to your downfall.

In the world of Feng Shui things in your surroundings matter because they either provide you positive uplifting encouraging energy or negative depressing discouraging energy. Things in your surroundings are easier to deal with than thoughts in your mind and words because you can see things; the more positive energy things you surround yourself with, the better your prosperity, abundance and wellbeing become. The same applies to the way your live your life – do you make every day count – are your thoughts always uplifting and encouraging – do you tell yourself everyday you are great – even when things aren’t going so well? Or do you tell yourself you are a loser – confirming to yourself that you are not worthy of having a full well rounded abundant life?

Improve Your Wellbeing with Positive Energy

Since Feng Shui is all about the use of positive energy in your personal environment and helps you create a less stress filled calmer more abundant life, its principles are the perfect way to improve your overall wellbeing. Start with your surroundings to create that improved wellbeing. Then move on to your words and thoughts.

1. Make sure fresh new positive energy can enter your home through your front entrance by using cheerful colors in plantings around your front door or on a wreath – remove decaying plants and prune old plantings – keeps windows clean – positive new energy will enter

2. Eliminate all clutter in your bedroom and under your bed as well as electronic equipment – you will sleep more soundly and wakeup feeling refreshed

3. Eliminate all clutter and clothing in your closets so you always look and feel great in whatever you wear – you will let go of the old and make room for the new – sometimes even let go of the weight you’ve been wanting to lose

4. Remove clutter from the kitchen so your body can be nourished and healthy – keep the refrigerator full, it is a symbol of prosperity

5. Keep a bowl of fresh or attractive faux fruit on the kitchen counter or table to encourage abundance

6. Unclutter your office and whether your workplace is at home or in another building – you will eliminate stress and increase productivity

7. Listen to peaceful calming music at the end of the day instead of watching the late night news or the latest thriller – it will nourish your heart and soul plus help you will sleep better

8. Unclutter your negative thoughts about yourself and replace them with uplifting words of encouragement, success and abundance – if this seems difficult at first use a list of positive words or create a mantra such as “I realize I’m in the process of creating a better life, more income, better health (you fill in the words) now.”

9. When negative thoughts do try to return, thank them but firmly tell them they have served their purpose and are now upgraded to positive thoughts only – return to your mantra and your list of positive words to replace anything negative

10. Place a candle in a safe container in the middle of your home in a place of honor – if you don’t have such a place, create one – light it daily if possible to remind you that your surroundings and your thoughts now align themselves with your goal of improved wellbeing.

Because Feng Shui is about the use of positive energy, the same energy Einstein recorded in his famous formula E = mc², it is a perfect yet simple approach to improved wellbeing while also improving many other areas of your life.

First, eliminate the clutter in your surroundings and your thinking. Then surround yourself with positive energy things and thoughts and you’re well on your way to improving your wellbeing.

Remember, what you focus on is what you become – what you have focused on in the past is what you have. What you focus on from this moment forward is what you will create.

© Pat Heydlauff, all rights reserved 2008

Pat Heydlauff, President of Energy-by-Design (http://www.energy-by-design.com) and Feng Shui expert, is a consultant, speaker, columnist and award-winning artist. She has been consulting with individuals, families, and companies since the early 1990′s, with clients ranging from California to Florida. In addition, she speaks at corporate and organizational functions, and gives seminars to enhance productivity. Pat Heydlauff can be reached at balancingenergy@energy-by-design.com

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4 Healthy Habits We Love to Hate

March 14, 2010 By Leave a Comment
walkingBy James LeGrand -

Living a healthy lifestyle is often not as hard as we make it out to be. We all know what to do, but just can’t seem to bring ourselves to do it consistently. Instead of engaging in the activities that will ensure our health, which ensures our quality of life, we prefer to medicate or ignore. Bad habits and healthy habits have one thing in common…they are both habits, and habits can be changed, eliminated, or created. Here are the 4 Healthy Habits We Love to Hate.

Habit #1: Drink! Water That Is

Many of the sodas and juices we drink several times a day can give us more calories than the food we eat. As an experiment, a young man eliminated the 5 – 6 sodas he drank daily from his diet, and within a month, he lost 15 pounds with no additional changes to this diet. While sodas and juices do contain some water, it contains far more sugar, syrup and chemical sweetners than what can be considered healthy. In fact, sometimes after drinking soda or juice, you are left even thirstier than before!

Water is necessary for healthy living. Our bodies are mostly water. Without enough water, we can become dehydrated which causes all sorts of problems, including headaches, loss of energy, and lack of full body function. Water doesn’t have the sweet taste of our manufactured drinks. However, it does have the distinction of being necessary for life, and for healthy living. Sugary drinks always taste good in the short term. Water is always the best choice for your health in the long term. When short term and long term goals conflict, always choose the long term. Water is your friend. Get rid of the imposters.

Habit #2: Sleep Until You Are Done

We are perpetually tired. Between stress and lack of sleep, we are falling asleep at red lights or while actively driving, we walk into walls, spill our drinks, make simple mistakes that often have big consequences, and we have close to no mental clarity. Sleep is our body’s method of rejuvenation, and allowing our minds the time it needs to organize our thoughts and memories for clarity and recall. We often think that sleeping less means we’ll get more done, but the opposite is actually true.

If you find yourself waking up tired and remaining tired all day, go to bed earlier. Record your favorite late night shows and watch them during your waking hours. Cut out some of your social networking time, internet surfing and game playing time, and your late night channel hopping. Instead, get to bed. Slow down your thinking by realizing that while in bed, you can’t do anything about the work you left at the job, the people that wronged you, or the thing you forgot to do today. Rest your mind and body. That is the only way to be fully prepared for what tomorrow will bring, and to accomplish your to do list completely. Don’t just sleep enough to function. Sleep enough to function well.

Habit #3: Move Your Body

Our ancestors had to exercise in order to eat, whether they had to hunt or grow their food. With the advent of the take out menu, many jobs that leave us sitting all day long, and mind sucking television shows, we just can’t seem to find time to exercise. If we aren’t burning more calories than we eat, we gain weight, which can lead to one of many health issues later down the line.

If you are a “go to the gym” type of person, find a way to fit it into your schedule and then stick with it. Identify a work out buddy that can help keep you motivated and have fun. If you are more of a game person, pick a sport that you love and play it several times a week. If you are a studio person, aerobics, yoga, and martial arts are all great ways to get moving. Movement is the energy of living. Lack of motion is the energy of life ending.

Habit #4: Eat to Live, Don’t Live to Eat

We all know we need to eat fresh, vibrant, nutritious foods. Yet, we settle for fake foods, or foods with so much sugar or preservatives that it no longer resembles what it was intended to be. The problem is speed, a sweet tooth, and the need to pacify.

We have become so busy in our lives that we rush, even when we don’t need to. Rather than taking the time to prepare a healthy meal and share it with our families, we buy something on the way home. If we do prepare foods at home, we microwave it, pull it out of a can, or fry it up. Instead, let’s slow down when it comes to our food. Meals with family should be about health…healthy foods, healthy family time together, and healthy conversation.

In addition to rushing, we love our sweets. Some of us are so conditioned to eat sweets that even when we know we no longer like them, we still have to have them. When you have a sweet tooth, choose yogurt or a citrus fruit. When you need a pick-me-up, choose nuts, carrot sticks, or another fruit or vegetable you enjoy. Let’s put down the candy and cakes and pick up something we’ll be proud to eat!

Comfort foods are all around us. When we feel stressed or have a challenging day, there are those foods that we often have to have to help us unwind. Let’s make that choice a healthy one going forward. The problem is that many of our unhealthy choices make things worse. Sugar gives us the fast up and the fast crash. Fried foods and foods with a lot of preservatives can increase our blood pressure and leave us with the general feeling physically bad. Fast foods can do all of the above. From this point on, eat foods that will add quality to your life and leave the rest behind.

James LeGrand is an Author, Life Strategist, and the publisher of http://www.SpiritualIndividual.com, a free weekly newsletter that presents solutions to life’s issues through the lens of self-help, wisdom, philosophy and spirituality. He is the author of an Amazon.com best seller in Religion and Spirituality titled Evolve!, and an Expert Author with Ezine Articles.com & SelfGrowth.com. James LeGrand is also a former Radio Personality, and a Sifu in Shaolin Kungfu, which has been known for centuries as a pathway to spiritual enlightenment.

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