Self-Improvement | Forgiveness | The Self Improvement Blog

How to Be Happy in Life – The 9 Paths to Happiness

October 4, 2010 By Guest Contributor 1 Comment

Sometimes it appears that life throws more obstacles in our path than we can handle. However, even in the face of the most challenging circumstances, you can make the choice to be happy by following these 9 paths to happiness.

1. Honor Yourself: Remember what the flight attendant says, “Put your own oxygen mask on first.” You are of no use to anyone else if you have not taken care of your own needs first – this includes your own emotional, as well as physical, well-being.

2. Forgive Everyone For Everything: Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. YOU created the stress in your life by getting angry, and YOU can instantly remove that stress by granting forgiveness. Expressing your forgiveness to the other is optional – internalizing that forgiveness is required in order to live a joyful life. Don’t forget to also forgive yourself for everything you regret ever having done or not done.

3. Have Gratitude For All Of Life: As with forgiveness, gratitude is a gift to yourself. Saying “thank you” is a powerful way to create great relationships, but the real power of gratitude is internalizing an immense thankfulness for your very existence – everything that has ever occurred or failed to occur in your life.

4. Respect Your Mind: Faith is powerful, but it is no substitute for observing, paying attention, weighing alternatives, and choosing with intention. Without conscious choice, there is no freedom or happiness.

5. Design Your Future: Don’t be a passive tumbleweed blown by the winds of life. Envision the future you want, and then take action to create that future. Often, you will fail. Plan again and take action again.

6. Begin Today, and Never Give Up: There is no better time to begin than today – each and every “today.” When obstacles stop you, think of new ways to reach your goals. In the words of the Oriental proverb, “Fall seven times, stand up eight.”

7. Be Of Service To Others By Radiating Happiness: Being of service is one of the greatest paths to happiness, but remember that your greatest service to others is the person that you are, rather than the tasks you accomplish. Your greatest gift to others is to give them happiness, and by far the most powerful way to do that is to be an example of happiness and to radiate that happiness to others.

8. Dance Lightly With Life: Life does not have to be a serious undertaking. You will make mistakes, you will feel regrets, and eventually, you will die – so what? Happiness comes from dancing lightly with life – playing hopscotch on the river of life – leaping gracefully from joy to joy while laughing at the threats of calamity – even laughing hysterically at our human frailness when we do fall into the muddy torrent.

9. Know Unity With Spirit: There are as many ways to connect with Spirit as there are people – each of us has our own way to receive strength and serenity from the Infinite. Your life will be happier if you acknowledge that you are not alone, become open to that presence, and create ritual to celebrate your connection. You may feel your bond with Spirit at the Lord’s Supper, in Songs of Praise, in Calls to Prayer, in Meditation, while doing Yoga or Qigong, or while walking in the woods. However you connect with Spirit, do it today.

Sign-Up for Jonathan’s Daily Inspiration – Daily Quote email, and read his article : 7 Secrets for a Happy Life.

Jonathan Lockwood Huie is an author of self-awareness books. He has been dubbed “The Philosopher of Happiness” by those closest to him, in recognition of his on-going commitment to seeing Joy in all of life.

Today is your day to dance lightly with life. It really is. – Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: challenging, choice, Forgiveness, Gratitude/appreciation, Happiness, happy, honor, mind, path, respect, self improvement, thank you

Two Points of View on Forgiveness

July 29, 2010 By ireneconlan 1 Comment

By Irene Conlan -

You have most likely heard the saying “To err is human; to forgive is divine” (Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism, 1711). That’s a good way of saying forgiveness is not easy. But we know that, don’t we?. One of the things critical to people who want to do serious self improvement/self esteem work is forgive those who have wronged them (or whom they believe have wronged them). Many people just can’t do that because they think that somehow it lets the person “off the hook” and condones the “evil deed” they did. It doesn’t have to be that way. It all depends on how you view forgiveness and who is in control – you or the offender.

There are several points of view on forgiveness and I’d like to share two of them with you – that of Dr. Laura Schlessinger and that of Dr. Fred Luskin. Why? Because they are so vastly different in their approach and it gives you a choice in how you want to deal with forgiveness.

Dr. Laura says on You Tube (and I’m sure she says it in her writings) that four things should be present for you to forgive another person and she calls them the four Rs. They are:

Responsibility. The offender should take responsibility for what they have dome.
Remorse. They should show some degree of remorse for what they did to hurt you
Repair. They would like to make it up to you or somehow “fix” it.
Repetition. They are taking steps never, ever to do it again.

The problem with this approach is that it gives the offender control.It may leave you carrying the anger and hurt for a very long time if the responsibility for forgiveness lies with the offender and the offender refuses to deal with it or is indifferent. What if they never show remorse? How do you know if the remorse is real? How do you know they are sincere when they say they won’t do it again? The person who offended you is in a position of power and you become the victim.

On the other hand, Dr. Fred Luskin, states that forgiveness is a choice – your choice. In his book, Forgive for Good, he states there are three pre-conditions that must be met before you forgive. These are:

Know what your feelings are about what happened.
Be clear about the action that wronged you
Share your experience with at least one or two trusted people.

Luskin states, “Forgiveness is the feeling of peace that emerges as you take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel, and become a hero instead of a victim in the story you tell. Forgiveness is the experience of peacefulness in the present moment. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it changes the present. Forgiveness means that even though you are wounded you choose to hurt and suffer less. Forgiveness means you become a part of the solution. Forgiveness is the understanding that hurt is a normal part of life. Forgiveness is for you and no one else. You can forgive and rejoin a relationship or you can forgive and never speak to the person again”

This view of forgiveness takes you out of victim hood and puts you in a position of power. It gives you the freedom to chose whether you want to reconcile once the forgiveness is done and does not leave you with anger, hatred or grudges.It stops the blame game and restores you to peace.

It’s up to you. I choose peace.

References: Luskin, Dr. Fred, Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and happiness. Harper-Collins Publishers, Inc. NY, 2002 and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFZ-2VCydq8

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: Forgiveness, healing the hurts, peace, peaceful life, self improvement

Why Forgiveness is Important to Your Health

July 17, 2010 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Bianca Tora -

It is easier to bear a grudge against an enemy, easier to build walls than to let them go. Far easier it is to bask in righteous indignation than to admit that perhaps in the larger scheme of things, we are not all that right; perhaps we might even be wrong. Sam Keen once said,”Our problem lies not in our technology, but in our minds, in our ancient tendency to create enemies in our imagination.”

This is the function of our ancient reptilian brain, the stalker and enemy maker that lies curled up in our “amygdala.” Our ancient brain builds fortresses and moats, dredging reptilian memories from mud and walling them within our cerebellum as conditioned reflexes, unthinking, unconscious and primitive. But thanks to our prefrontal cortex, we have the ability to reign in our emotions, view the situation with equanimity and perhaps even go as far as forgiving our enemy.

According to the Mayo Clinic, forgiveness is good for our health. Studies show that anger creates a whole host of nasty effects on our bodies. It suppresses the immune system; it suppresses thyroid function, slowing down the body’s metabolism; it impairs the brain’s thinking ability and it jeopardizes our ability to sleep. Anger stalls the body’s normal processes of repair and recovery. It contributes to the clenching of the jaws and eventual problems with teeth and jaw joints. It increases tension headaches and joint pain.

Most of all, anger elevates heart rate and blood pressure; it increases muscle tension as the body contends with a sense of losing control. Cases of people literally dying from anger are not unusual. Anger can constrict heart muscle and vessels and trigger a heart attack.

Studies also show that men have a more difficult time forgiving than women do. Women have been socialized into being more empathetic than men. Women also find it easier to talk problems over and move towards a common resolution. Women have learned to network since kindergarten; they have learned to build on the basis of cooperation rather than vengeance.

What happens to our body when we release anger and welcome forgiveness?

Our muscles relax. We breathe more easily. Our blood vessels open up; more oxygen enters our bloodstream. We feel as though a load has been taken off our chest. We sleep more deeply, more peacefully at night. Our body processes achieve equilibrium again and our energy fields become unblocked. We are no longer pouring energy into building walls; we can now re-direct energy towards building relationships, coherence and love.

We can all learn to forgive by concentrating on the present. Live in the moment and let past wrongs go; let go of all future worries. Regular meditation sessions can help us redirect our mind and body to the present moment.

All spiritual traditions emphasize the importance of forgiveness because healing, both personal and communal, cannot take place without forgiveness.

Bianca Tora is a writer interested in the relationship between lifestyle and the brain, specifically the area of emotional regulation and control. She has published a book on anger management for children. Visit her at http://www.help-your-child-with-anger.com

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http://EzineArticles.com/?Why-Forgiveness-is-Important-to-Your-Health&id=2500317

Filed Under: Health, Intellectual Health, Physical Health Tagged With: Forgiveness, mayo clinic, meditation, prefrontal cortex, reptilian brain, sam keen, self improvement

The key to a peaceful life – forgiveness

July 17, 2010 By ireneconlan Leave a Comment

By Irene Conlan -

You were married to him for twenty five years and stayed through some pretty bad times, raised the children almost singe-handedly so he could pursue his career, and then, when life was beginning to balance out and you could see the good times ahead, he filed for divorce because he was in love with his very young secretary. You didn’t see it coming and you were devestated. There are no answers to the “why?” and your wounds are deep and raw.

You and your best friend went into business together and the business began to thrive. After a few years it seemed that even though things seemed to be going better than ever, the cash flow told a different story. You discovered he had been stealing from the company almost from the beginning to pay for a gambling habit. You had invested your life’s savings and were left with the company’s debt when he walked away. You are immersed in legal battles that seem endless and you are left feeling empty, angry and deceived.

You met this wonderful woman. She seemed to be everything you were looking for in a mate and you were absolutely crazy about her. But just when you thought it was time to take the relationship to the next level she announced that she had a problem with you and the relationship was over. No explanation. No discussion. No “I’m sorry.” She was gone and you were left feeling hurt and bewildered.

These are hypothetical situations but are not uncommon. They represent events that leave us feeling betrayed and feeling all those emotions that accompany betrayal – feeling angry, sad, misled, unloved, humiliated, confused, violated, cheated, etc. After a while you get on with your life but the pain is always just under the surface. It’s hard for you to trust anyone else and you question your own judgment about relationships – business or romantic.

So what can you do about it?

Forgive.

I know you’re thinking, “I can’t EVER forgive him/her. What he/she did is unforgivable and I won’t sanction that behavior with forgiveness.”

You are right. The behavior was despicable and YOU are the one carrying the pain. The forgiveness is for you, not for them.Forgiveness will return you to a state of peace and well-being. They still have to deal with what they have done. You will be free of it.

According to Dr. Fred Luskin in his book Forgive for Good: A PROVEN Prescription for Health and Happiness, “If you learn to forgive you will find your life to have possibilities you could only dream of. You will gain a sense of control over your feelings and discover that you have more energy available to make good decisions. You will find that your decisions are based less on hurt feelings and more on what is best for you and those you love.”

Forgiveness is a choice. Period. It is a choice you make that enables you to have peace in your life. Forgiveness is “the feeling of peace that emerges as you take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel, and become a hero instead of a victim in the story you tell.”

To prepare to forgive, Luskin says there are three preparatory steps:

Know what your feeling are about what happened. Identify and name them
Be clear about the action that wronged you
Share your experience with at least one or two trusted people. This helps you cope and clarifies what happened to you.

You have made the decision to let it go. The next step is to heal your feelings about what happened and that begins with a generalized looking for the good and beautiful in life. Refocus your thoughts from your story of hurt to what is positive in your life. Practice being grateful and appreciative. This will gradually lead you replace those feelings of hurt and betrayal with feelings of well being.

Luskin gives you several techniques that help you heal from the painful memories of what happened to you. But it starts with the decision to let go of it so you can heal and return to peace. It is furthered by taking responsibility for your own thoughts and changing them from the anger and hate of un-forgiveness to focus on the positive and the beautiful that surrounds you.

The choice is yours. You can continue to let the wound fester until you are consumed by it or you can make a decision to forgive and allow yourself to find peace. Only you can choose to do this for yourself. Aren’t you worth it?

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: Forgiveness, healing the hurts, peace, peaceful life, self improvement

The Tiger Woods Media Feeding Frenzy

December 11, 2009 By ireneconlan Leave a Comment

Isn’t it time for the sharks to retreat and leave Tiger Woods alone? Once the media gets the smell of blood in the water and a taste of flesh they just can’t put it down.

He messed up. Big time. He hurt his wife, his family, his career and, most of all, himself. He admitted it. Other stories have surfaced now and each one creates more and more of a frenzy. I am reminded of the story in the Bible of Jesus defending the adulterous woman by saying, “Let he who has no sin cast the first stone.” Everyone turned and walked away.(John 8:11)

Perhaps we should try that now. How many, if they were honest, would need to turn and walk away?

Unfortunately, adultery is not uncommon these days (or was it in any day?) We have seen these scandals over the years and they involved the most prestigious clergymen, priests, politicians, celebrities, and. yes, journalists, from all fields and many different countries. It happens among the not-sp-famous, too, but their transgressions don’t get splashed all over the front page of the newspapers and tabloids or used for the lead story on the evening news. They destroy their families silently.

My bet is that many men (and women) around the globe are feeling grateful that they have not been caught. Are the ones who are the loudest with this story the most guilty? Does the line from Hamlet fit the media-accusers – “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” Hamlet Act 3, scene 2, 222–230 Is their own infidelity causing them to use Tiger as a whipping boy to deflect attention from their own indiscretions?

I am not defending Tiger Woods. I think what he did was absolutely wrong – also very human. I know the pain his wife feels because I was there once. The pain of deception is horrendous and she is probably the one suffering most from all this negative publicity. It will take a long time for her to heal and the scars will most likely not go away. The children, when they grow older, will be able to read about their “unfaithful father” if they choose to do so and they will find many sources. They don’t deserve that. I’m not saying the journalists should never print such news but enough is enough.

As a society we set him up for disaster in a way. At the age of three he beat Bob Hope in a putting contest and when he was five, he was featured on the television show That’s Incredible! At eight he won his first formal competition and from then on he won a series of trophies and broke records everywhere. He was almost a golf legend by the time he entered college at age 19. Read more: Tiger Woods Biography – childhood, children, parents, name, history, mother, young, son, old, information, born, college, time, year http://www.notablebiographies.com/We-Z/Woods-Tiger.html#ixzz0ZO5PZbUG

When, in those younger years, did he have the opportunity to test his boundaries, to know the consequences of his actions, and to pick himself up after failure and start over like most of us do? I don’t know the answer to this but I do know that we all need to test our wings sometime in your life and we need the freedom to learn from our mistakes.Did he have the “privilege” of making mistakes and learning from them?

Fame brings with it great rewards and also great risks and multiple temptations. A man who is handsome, wealthy and famous is surrounded by beautiful women who don’t care if he is married. They don’t mind destroying his family. He is a target. Sometimes they hit the bulls-eye.

It is a glamorous but not an easy life.

So isn’t it time we back off and let him heal?

Has he learned his lesson? I don’t know.

Is he a human being who deserves forgiveness and a chance to make restitution? Absolutely.

Think about the mistakes you’ve made that were not made public knowledge. What would you want done for you right now?

Tiger and his family need some time and space for forgiveness and recuperation. The press and the gossip mongers should back off now and allow them to have that.

Filed Under: Integrity, Self Esteem, Self Improvement Tagged With: Forgiveness, healing, Media Feeding Frenzy, self improvement, Tiger Woods

Forgiveness – Release and Let Go of Your Past!

September 13, 2009 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

Michaiel Bovenes -

Next to love, forgiveness is the most misunderstood concept. Forgiveness has been twisted by a lack of awareness as to how it functions. To forgive does not mean we must rejoin with our ex-lovers, free criminals from prisons, return to old jobs or anything else absurd. We are taught to believe that if we are to forgive the one who hurt us, it must manifest in some form of behavior and it reflects weakness.

Forgiveness is a function of love that seeks to understand the negative impact of another person and then to release the pain and find inner peace. When you choose to forgive somebody this does not mean that you acknowledge their cruel behavior as acceptable, for doing this would be dishonest. Above all, it does not mean that we assume a superior (holier than thou) attitude to pardon the sins others.

Let’s explore the truth of forgiveness. The meaning of the verb forgive, translates into “to let go”, which is the act of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the release (letting go) of negative feelings generated in you by another. It is your responsibility to let go of the hurt that another produces for you. The other person can apologize to you for their negative impact, but you still have to let go of the hurt feelings in order for forgiveness to become a healing experience.

What makes forgiveness so difficult, for so many? The greatest obstacle in the living of our life is the negative ego, which loves to hold onto a grudge and is our greatest source of resistance toward forgiveness. Our negative ego is what blocks our happiness and peace of mind. We hold within us grudges, bitterness and resentment which later manifest into stress, ulcers and poor health conditions. Ultimately, we have a choice to support our EGO or our SOUL, to be RIGHT or find PEACE.

Forgiveness like all other soul qualities (peace, love, innocence, respect, oneness, and passion) does not require a type of behavior. It begins with a relinquishing of emotional baggage and the choice to function from your Soul versus your negative ego. Forgiveness is a willingness to perceive everyone, including yourself, as either feeling and expressing love or perceiving it’s absence, and having a need for more love. It is a relinquishing of a harmful train of thought that leads to constricting feelings. Forgiveness offers freedom to live a full and harmonious life.

The bi-product of forgiveness, is our own willingness and ability to forget. If we can not seem to forget then we have never completely let go. Holding on to pain only weaken us and produces misery. The purpose of forgetting is to prevent the mind from becoming a battle field. Negative feelings evaporate whenever they are looked at calmly and honestly and are dealt with responsibly. Often this process is gradual. The desire to function from your Soul (love) and to live your life in peace is the greatest motivation for forgiving another.

If you feel that forgiving adds one more grudging obligation to your life, you are functioning from your negative ego. Understanding that forgiveness is the doorway to your happiness and is the choice to function with love. When you are attacked by another, you must first deal with the hurt feelings that you honestly feel. Forgiveness is not a short cut to avoid dealing with the negative impact of your emotions. Too many try to forgive without releasing their anger and hurt. That common mistake only represses the anger and it putrefies into resentment down the road.

A great habit to cultivate is to pause whenever you are having difficulty releasing an upset from your mind. Look directly, and in detail at the contents of your thoughts. Dissect your emotions. Step back from them for a moment and gain new perspective. Write them down in a journal to gain deeper clarity. And give yourself time to forgive, it doesn’t have to be instantaneous, but know it is necessary to your happiness and peace.

A person who claims they “love everyone equally” and are never hurt by others are not more spiritually evolved, but more likely emotionally repressed. To be a spiritual, doesn’t mean you have to like the ego of everyone that crosses your path, for you would then become transparent and lose your individuality. Liking somebody and letting go of someone’s negative impact upon you are two completely different issues.

Steps to Forgiveness:

1. Release the Charged Emotions: Take a legal pad and write at the top of the page, the person you wish to forgive. Write out all your feelings about the situation that you are forgiving. Release the anger, hurt, frustration or any feelings you have due to this experience. Take your time and feel your words as you write them down.

2. Forgive Yourself: Close your eyes and relax. Mentally repeat, I forgive myself for allowing myself to be hurt/disappointed by this experience with _________ (person’s name).

3. Express Your Emotions Meditatively: While you are still meditating begin to express your thoughts and feelings to the person you are forgiving. Let them know how much it has hurt you and how upset you are by their actions. If you are so angry you want to hit them, then do it (IMAGINATIVELY) express your pent up emotions within your imagination.

NOTE: Your intention is to release the feelings around this person and to forgive them. That is where the energy will go towards. You will not be sending this person negative energy unless that is your intention.

4. Forgive Them: With your eyes still closed, sense a light coming down from above you. It is a warm healing light that surrounds you and creates a safe environment for forgiveness. Visualize the person you wish to forgive, and see them inside the light. Mentally tell them, I forgive you for hurting/disappointing me in this way. Mentally reaffirm what you are forgiving them for. Then release them into the light.

When you finally understand that you can generate the healing of forgiveness, by choice. It will never happen until you take full responsibility for every facet of your life and your relationships with others. When you stop looking for love, security and peace outside yourself, and discover it within, you are finally set free and the magic of forgiveness has worked it’s spell.

Michaiel Patrick Bovenes is an author, professional speaker and self empowerment teacher. Since 1994, he is the author of a popular series of guided visualization meditations called, “Soul-utions”. Michaiel lives in San Francisco, CA and teaches throughout the USA and Canada.

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Filed Under: Forgiveness Tagged With: Forgiveness, self improvement

Forgive Yourself First

August 24, 2009 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Kristin Robertson -

A shocked silence hung over the conference room. Barry (not his real name), usually a compassionate and even-tempered vice president, had just loudly berated one of his managers during a staff meeting. The accused manager was looking down at his hands with a reddened face and the other managers’ jaws had dropped at this unusual display of emotional mismanagement.

Barry quickly ended the meeting and hurried to his office. Later, he told me about the situation. “I was at the end of my rope, Kristin. My son is having terrible health problems and I had been up most of the night worrying about him and about work. I shouldn’t have lost my temper. How can I ever forgive myself or make it up to that manager?”

As his coach, I told him that self-forgiveness is an important managerial practice, and that he had an opportunity to model good self-care to the rest of the team. He decided to apologize in person to the manager and made a public apology at the next staff meeting. Then he and I worked on ways for Barry to forgive himself.

You probably can relate to Barry’s situation. Everyone has multiple instances in their past that beg for self-forgiveness. Here are some self-forgiveness opportunities you might experience:

You blame yourself for being laid-off or not getting a promotionYou are angry at yourself for having to learn by making mistakes (like saying something hurtful, sending out an inappropriate email, doing something unethical)You deeply regret harm that you caused someone elseYou are caught in a cycle of self-talk that endlessly repeats, “I shoulda, coulda, woulda”You regret lost opportunities to create harmony or show love, such as losing your temper at work or missing your daughter’s soccer gameYou aren’t ready to forgive someone else

Naturally, your first step in self-forgiveness is to take responsibility for what you did. That means that you make amends for any harm you created, and do your best to right any wrong. You might have to apologize to the person you hurt, or reap the natural or legal consequences of what you did (such as paying a fine, going to court, losing a job, not closing a deal, and more). Taking responsibility is the mark of a mature individual.

However, if you think you need self-forgiveness, you already, by definition, realize the part you played in the situation and are aware of your responsibility. This awareness is positive, and you must give yourself a pat on the back for being responsible for your actions.

Then, you deserve your own forgiveness. Remember that forgiveness is achieving a feeling of neutrality toward the situation and not feeling surge of negative emotions when you think about it. Self-forgiveness is part of exquisite self-care, in which you fulfill your own needs and take full responsibility for your own happiness.

The seven-step process of forgiving that I describe in my new book, A Forgiveness Journal: Letting Go of the Past, works for both forgiving others and forgiving ourselves. Some of the highlights of the process include identifying your feelings, gaining perspective and blessing yourself.

Identify your feelings. You must express your feelings such as regret, anger, sadness, blame and resentment. Emotions that are buried or stuffed away never die – they only cause One effective way to do this is to write about your feelings, perhaps starting your sentences with “I am angry about {blank}” or “I feel regret about {blank}”. The great thing about writing is that it is entirely private – no one needs to see what you write. One of my coaching clients types his journal entries on his computer and purposely does not save his writing, so there is no chance of anyone finding or seeing what he wrote.

Gain Perspective Are you even going to remember this incident at the end of your life? If not, then you realize the relative insignificance of this event. Were there good things that came out of the experience for you? List any positive outcomes. What would the benevolence of Source energy say about this? Source does not judge you but can only extend love, just as a loving parent extends loves to a wayward child. As a spiritual teacher once told me, “We must extend to ourselves the same compassion that we extend to others.”

Bless Yourself Understanding that you did the best you could under the circumstances, you can let go of your self-judgment and bless yourself instead. Every time you think of the situation, consciously redirect your thoughts away from “I shoulda…” and choose to practice self-love by saying, “I honor my true essence” or “I bless myself”.

Changing the world starts with changing yourself. There is a wonderful ripple effect that happens when we change our interior perspective. Our actions start lining up with our thoughts, and people begin to react differently to us. As Gandhi so famously said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Practice self-forgiveness to create a more forgiving world.

If you like what you’ve read so far, you’ll want to sign up for Kristin Robertson’s free monthly newsletter at [http://www.brioleadership.com]http://www.brioleadership.com. Also, check out her book, A Forgiveness Journal: Letting Go of the Past, at [http://www.aforgivenessjournal.com]http://www.aforgivenessjournal.com. Kristin is President and Head Coach of Brio Leadership, a coaching, consulting and training firm that helps builds spiritually intelligent individuals and teams so they can live lives of integrity, meaning and fulfillment. She believes that incorporating spiritual intelligence in the workplace is a way to positively transform lives and create highly productive work environments.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kristin_Robertson

Filed Under: Self Esteem, Self Improvement, Stress Management Tagged With: building self esteem, Christmas, compassion, Creativity, emotions, Forgiveness, Gratitude/appreciation, Happiness, Self Improvement

Forgiveness is a Choice Not a Feeling

January 23, 2009 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Allison O’Neill

We have all had people in our lives that have pissed us off. The trouble is if years later we still haven’t forgiven them and moved on, it eats away at us – not them. If you can’t forgive a person they still have control over you. Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling. Some people will be bitter for weeks because somebody used the last of the milk, while others that have been the victims of brutal attacks walk on sunshine, full of love. Look at Nelson Mandela – behind bars for 27 years and forgave his captors. It is said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgiving is letting the whole thing go instead of carrying bitterness you don’t need. If you say you cannot be happy today because of something that happened in the past you are only hurting yourself. The people that were involved don’t care and aren’t even aware.

You don’t have to know how to forgive; you just have to be willing to forgive. Forgiving is so important for you. Some people believe that if you let time pass forgiveness will eventually happen but this is not true at all. Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling. If you wait until you feel like forgiving someone it will never happen. You have to choose to forgive them, then as time goes by you’ll realise you actually have. You will no longer be carrying bitterness or hatred around anymore, you will be free of baggage – ahhhh freedom feels great.

Choosing to forgive doesn’t mean you think whatever the person did is ok – it means you refuse to walk around carrying it forever on your shoulders. It is also not forgetting – in fact you must remember and acknowledge all your emotions before you can forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t have to involve reconciliation if you don’t want it to – it is to heal you, not them. It means you don’t want it to impact your life for one second longer. Comedian Lily Tomlin said “Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past”.

When you forgive you save your body from chemicals such as adrenaline and cortisone which surge through your body when you hold anger and resentment – long term they will give you cancer. There has been a case when a doctor could find nothing physically wrong with a patient during an autopsy so listed cause of death as anger and resentment. The person had been bitter for years and the doctor believed it eventually killed them.

Don’t let your heart be jammed with historic sludge, allow peace to flow – be free instead. To be free we need to act as if nothing happened. When in pain you have 3 choices:
*press past it now
*press past it later
*keep it forever

Once you’ve made a choice to forgive:

1. Stop telling “the story.” Discipline your tongue. Stop talking about the person/problem/issue. If you want to get better you cannot be bitter. Your mind affects your mouth and mouth affects your mind – so you need to stop talking about it and move on.
2. Do tell “the story” from the other person’s perspective a few times.
3. Make a list of the good things that happened as a result of the experience.
4. Make a habit of sending blessings towards your enemies and those who have hurt you, believe your emotions are being healed.
5. Picture the person on a stage and see great things happening to them. Then do the same for yourself.

Benefits of forgiveness:
• Healing of emotional and physical pain
• Reduced depression and stress
• Better immune system and digestion
• More physical and mental energy
• Better quality sleep
• Longer life
• Increased happiness and peace of mind
• Being friendlier and more tolerant
• Getting a new life!

Choosing to forgive gives you back your emotional freedom and happiness. It makes you wiser and stronger as forgiveness is an attribute of the strong – weak people can’t forgive. It makes you easier to love and life itself is just easier. Press past it now!

Allison O’Neill writes a self growth blog called “Live Knowing This” http://www.liveknowingthis.blogspot.com . Self growth has been a huge love of hers from a very young age. She has read hundreds of self help books. Been to all the ‘entrepreneurs’ seminars she could find, and adores Tony Robbins programs. She loves pondering, writing and learning as she writes. She wants to help people live better and simpler lives while loving learning and growing.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Allison_O’Neill

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: Forgiveness, self improvement, self help

The Key to Freedom – Forgiveness Will Set You Free

September 25, 2008 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Rachelle Disbennett-Lee

As long as you hold onto the past, you are not free to live in the present. Holding on to old grudges, hurts and disappointments only anchors you to what has happened and keeps you from truly embracing what is happening. Letting go of the past provides you the freedom to live your life in the present. Forgiveness is the key to freedom. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Health Tagged With: Forgiveness, freedom, self improvement

Forgiveness – Don’t Get Your Knickers in a Knot

August 19, 2008 By Guest Contributor 1 Comment

By Joyce Lee

Lorna was choked.

Lorna had been wronged and she was seething about it. Every time she thought about it, she got pissy again. She found herself fantasizing and rehearsing plans to get even and holding imaginary conversations where she told the wrong-doer off. She told all her friends about the crime and carried her resentment around ready to be hauled out at a moment’s notice. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Forgiveness, Self Improvement Tagged With: Forgiveness, self improvement

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