“Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them.”
~Francesco Guicciardini
Thursday, July 14, 2011 – Friendship
July 14, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Self Acceptance
November 22, 2010 By Leave a Comment
By Theresa Owens -
It isn’t always easy to accept who or what we are. We all like to imagine ourselves as if looking through the lens of ‘an ideal’ without flaws or weaknesses. In truth, nobody is perfect; being human means that we make mistakes.
Today psychologists generally agree that our level of self-esteem, (how much you like and value yourself as a person), lies at the heart of your personality. To enjoy the benefits of high self-esteem is to accept and embrace all facets of ourselves – (not just the ‘esteem-able’ parts), unconditionally.
“Since the perfect human being has not yet been discovered, we all need to live with our hang-ups and our idiosyncrasies until they can be ironed out. One of the most important qualities in successful dynamic living is that of self-acceptance.” -Denis Waitley
Self-acceptance comes from an acceptance of the things you like about yourself and the things you don’t. We all will (and do) make mistakes, do things wrong and have things about us that maybe we would prefer not to have – this is what makes us unique.
Self-acceptance also involves compassion – compassion for self. We often judge ourselves unfavourably and this creates an internal dialogue (self-talk) that is negative and for the most part will result in us feeling bad about ourselves and does little to motivate us or change things.
Acceptance is about being ok with where you are now – in all aspects of your life. That does not mean that you cannot strive to change things that you want to change – it means being accepting of what is going on ‘right now’, in the ‘here and now’ and acknowledging the advantages of this – whist still working towards goals and outcomes for changes you want to make in your life.
Some people say to me – it can’t be that easy, but I know the benefits of thinking and behaving in this way, and, as you consider the benefits of self-acceptance you might like to think about the improvements it will enable you to make in your life.
In his book Happiness Now, Robert Holden says – “Happiness and self-acceptance go hand in hand. In fact, your level of self-acceptance determines your level of happiness. The more self-acceptance you have, the more happiness you will allow yourself to accept, receive and enjoy.”
Therefore, the ability to show ourselves compassion is essential. The more we are able to forgive ourselves for everything we regard as shameful, wrong, or blameworthy, the better we will understand that no human being is perfect and all that we do, whether right or wrong is another chapter in our learning and reflects our efforts to be the best we can be. Nobody deliberately does a thing wrong and we all make the best choice available to us at the time of making it.
Being able to accept ourselves unconditionally means that we set the standard. Once we stop grading ourselves and beating ourselves up for what we ‘should’ must, or ought to do’ we can adopt an attitude of compassion, understanding and forgiveness. We can continue to strive to do better whilst accepting who we are and where we are, – as we are, today.
If we can adopt this for ourselves, we are more likely to be accepting of others which will have the added benefit of improving our relationships within all areas of our life.
“The greatest success, is successful self acceptance.”
- Ben Sweet
Theresa M Owens
Professional Counsellor and Coach
Registered Hypnotist /Master Practitioner NLP
Email: theresa@e-t-c.me.uk
Mob: 0781 256 6940
15th March 2010
An NLP Master Practitioner, Counsellor and Life Coach, Theresa is a highly respected and skilled teacher and trainer, with a person centred approach to learning and personal and professional development. As the Training Director of Life Change UK she has designed and written the company’s training courses. Theresa also provides dynamic group and one to one training / support to people suffering from substance misuse.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Theresa_Owens
http://EzineArticles.com/?Self-Acceptance&id=4082731
A Visit From the Past
April 1, 2010 By 1 Comment
By Irene Conlan -
Last night I was surfing the senior singles sites. Yes, even I do that.
I was surprised to see a name from the past – or at least I thought it might be. The name represented a family of friends from the past. Our kids attended school together and were close friends. His wife was a dear friend but, unfortunately, we had lost contact over the years. She was a beautiful being in every way and someone I much admired.
In fact last week I told someone about her. You see, a friend of a friend had just been diagnosed with scleroderma – a dreadful autoimmune disease that affects the skin and blood vessels of the body. The skin becomes very thick and loses its elasticity and all of the internal organs are affected. It is crippling and very painful. My friend, Cathy, had scleroderma and she was amazing. While the disease devastated her body, it didn’t daunt her spirit and she was one of the sweetest, kindest women I’ve ever known. A gifted pianist, she worked tirelessly to get her crippled and twisted fingers to play again. During her concert – yes, she did it – I cried with emotion over the tremendous feat she had accomplished. She wanted me to help her write a book but in those years I didn’t have the skills or the talent to do it. We worked long hours to make it happen but neither of us could do it. She was one of those people that you never forget.
Our lives changed and we lost touch. I thought of her often over the years but didn’t take the time or make the effort to contact her. I wasn’t sure she was still living because I know how ill she was. And when I saw her husband on the single’s site I knew Cathy had graduated to a new dimension and I believe she had a grand welcoming there. Heaven, the “other side,” glory, the Light – whatever you choose to call that place of life after life must have held tremendous rewards for Cathy.
I started to contact her widowed husband just to say hello and I was overcome with any number of emotions that prevented that – guilt because I had not stayed in touch, grief that she is gone and I have no chance to say hello or goodbye, sadness that her boys who loved their mother so much had now lost her. All those very human feelings that we experience, acknowledge, work through.
Knowing I made the best decisions I could make for me and my family I had to dismiss the guilt – guilt is a useless, unneeded and undeserved emotion in situations such as this. I can work through the grief and sadness.
The flood of memories that came with reminisces of Cathy brought up old painful memories in my own life that I thought I had put to rest a long time ago. It was a difficult time for me. My marriage was falling apart, my sons were leaving the nest and I was in a whirlwind of change. It was a time of tremendous self doubt and endless searching for the right path to take. I was a time when my own self esteem was dangerously low, clouding my judgment and holding me back.
Twenty years makes so much difference in a life – or at least it did in mine. Reconciling the past with the present requires a lot of forgiveness of others and of myself and a great deal of appreciation for all I’ve had and all the wonderful people who have inspired me along the way. Cathy is certainly right at the top of my list.
The good news is that we all can get up from the place we’ve fallen and have a new start. While those were the most painful times of my life they were also the most productive. I have emerged from them knowing who I am and liking me a lot. That I live in the Phoenix area is symbolic to me because I have, like the Phoenix bird, risen from the ashes of defeat and near despair, to a life full of joy and fulfillment. There is so much more ahead for me and I fully intend to make the most of it.
Join me in the journey.
A Friend Indeed
March 2, 2010 By Leave a Comment
By Kerri Zane
Every so often I receive one of those emails that are passed from woman to woman about the importance of girlfriends. They are so poetic and poignant. I love them. I know there is a long routing list of which I am one of dozens, but I like being included. Friends are such a cherished part of my life and the words expressed in the content of the passages resonate to my core. We ladies would be lost without our girlfriends!
Friends help up pick up the pieces after an ugly (or not so ugly) break-up, they are our support when our children confuse us, a sounding board for just about every situation that comes across our path and if that weren’t enough they are our most trusted fashion advisers. My best friend Sue often reminds me, “friends tell us what we need to hear not what we want to hear.” She never passes judgment, always a sympathetic ear and tells me like it is.
The other day I was having lunch with one of my other best friends, my 90-year-old mom. I asked her what brought her the most happiness in her life. Without a second thought, she proclaimed, “my friends! They are always there for me. They help me through thick and thin, I don’t know where I’d be without them.”
No doubt friends are the key to a fulfilling life. We’ve known it forever. Now researchers are finding another reason to keep friends close. There is scientific evidence that friendships and being a part of a social network can lower blood pressure, reduce the risk of diabetes and heart disease. Staying in touch with friends can keep depression at bay and keep us young. A Harvard Nurses Health Study found that the more friends a woman had the less likely they were to be physically incapacitated, as they grew older.
Why do women love sharing, discussing and dissecting so much? It appears that sharing with friends is hard wired in our brains. Stress from jobs, challenging relationships and even traffic can trigger the release of cortisol, a hormone which increases blood pressure, blood sugar and reduces immune responses. Luckily, our brains have a built in mechanism to counter the harmful affects of cortisol, called oxytocin. Intense pressure for women triggers the release of oxytocin, or the so called calming hormone. A number of activities increase the output of oxytocin, including my favorite activity, exercise, along with a few other favs – yoga, massage, meditation, caring for a pet and you guessed it hanging out with friends. All these activities including companionship leads to the release of more oxytocin creating an increased sense of well being. Combine that with exercise and you’ve got a double dose of zen. Oxytocin is a unique neurochemical, difficult to replicate synthetically, but the more we make with the above mentioned activities the stronger our body and mind responds to it. The stress relieving aspect of friendship and fitness can play a big role in helping women stay healthy and far better than a medicine cabinet full of drugs.
Try spending at least an hour a week with your friends walking and chatting, it can lead to better health and will definitely be a ton of fun!
A Best Friend – the Greatest Self Improvement Tool
December 6, 2009 By 1 Comment
By Irene Conlan -
One of life’s greatest gifts is the gift of friendship. Most of us have many acquaintances and, if we are lucky (although luck has little to do with it) we have at least one good friend. If you have more that one true friend you are rich, indeed.
Most of us, when we were growing up, had a “best friend?” Best friends did everything together and entrusted each other with their craziest ideas, wildest dreams, and deepest secrets. When we got old enough to have a “romantic” girlfriend/boyfriend our interests changed but we still wanted and needed our “best friend.”
We still do.
There is no better self improvement tool than a good friend. A good friend is someone you trust and enjoy who is able to help you put your thoughts back on track when you get derailed, sit with you when you are grieving and laugh with you every chance they get. A good friend knows which buttons to push and not push and likes you despite these buttons. . A good friend does not just hear but truly listens and understands what you are saying, and just by mirroring you over time, helps take the rough edges off your personality
No matter what your age you need someone that you can trust to tell you the truth, to stick with you in the hard times and rejoice with you in the good times. Our spouse may be a “best friend” but we still need someone else in our lives, someone we know we can turn to and who can rely on us to be there for them as well. In my work with the grieving I work with many whose spouse has died and they have absolutely no one to lean on. They feel lost and alone, often without identity. A “best friend” can help lighten the load better than anyone else.
Today’s videos are about friendship. As you listen to Straight No Chaser sing “Stand By Me”, pay attention to the words. (The words are below). As you listen, reflect on your own life and your friendships. Who would stand by you? Who would you stand by? It’s never too late to begin to form a real friendship and each of us is worthy of a friend.
Stand By Me
By John LennonWhen the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see
No I won’t be afraid
No I won’t be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by meAnd darling, darling stand by me
Oh, now, now, stand by me
Stand by me, stand by meIf the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won’t cry, I won’t cry
No I won’t shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by meWhenever you’re in trouble won’t you stand by me
Oh, now, now, stand by me
Oh, stand by me, stand by me, stand by me
