Self-Improvement | Friendship | The Self Improvement Blog

The Gift of Friendship

March 31, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

Never underestimate the importance of having friends in your life. As we travel the path of life, we establish a variety of relationships… some deeper than others, some longer lasting and some rather brief. One thing is clear to me.. I need my friends.

The realization that I need and appreciate my closest friends has been highlighted recently as I spend time reflecting on where I am and where I am going… with some significant changes in career path and the possibility of geographic relocation. The many emotions associated with these changes are calmed and put in perspective when I can talk to or spend time with a friend.

Just being able to talk things out is so necessary and therapeutic… and hearing words of encouragement and support can make a difference in so many ways. Knowing that someone is there to listen and relate to whatever is going on has a profound effect.

Then there is the laughter…being able to laugh with someone who knows me and “gets” me can be so amazing! I read recently that laughter has the power to heal physical ailments in people, and can also change emotional states quicker than any prescribed medication. What a great way to bond..just laugh with a friend.

Having familiarity with friends and sharing a history from the past is so special… sometimes just sitting around and telling stories from our past can be fantastic. It is heartwarming to remember fun times and re-experience the warm emotions of the memories. Let your friends know how much they mean to you and how much you appreciate and love them. Do not take it for granted that they know this… and telling them will feel good – much like hearing the praise will feel to them.

One recent action I have taken is to get in touch with friends who I have lost contact with. With the internet, it is easy to find phone numbers of almost anyone. I have begun to call old friends and reconnecting is so easy and rewarding. Most of the time I feel wonderful after the call.

Social media has also made it easier to find and be found by people who used to be in my life. Business associates who were friends or colleagues from prior jobs have resurfaced and may provide help with career moves and personal support.

Take a moment to think about the friends in your life..and the ones in your past who you may want to catch up with. My friends are truly gifts… and it is in their honor that I write this tribute to all of them.

Cliff Hirschhorn is a student of “The Law of Attraction”. He has spent over 30 years as a trainer, speaker, and consultant, and writes about ways to achieve and maintain a healthy and satisfying life.

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Filed Under: Featured Tagged With: friends, friendship, self improvement

What Kind of Friend Are You – Test Yourself

March 6, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Catherine McFarlane-Noble -

Q1 You’re home on a week night, it is late when you receive a phone call from your friend. The friend asks you to drop everything and come.

Do you:

(a) Ask for details.

(b) Continue to get ready for bed.

(d) Drop everything and go to your friend.

Q2 You and a friend go out to lunch together. When the meals arrive the bowls are served incorrectly. Each order has been given to the wrong person. You both start to eat. Agitated your friend starts sifting through his/her bowl unable to find their favourite ingredients. When you gaze into your bowl you realise that your bowl has the friends ordered ingredients.

Do you:

(a) Swap bowls.

(b) Continue with the bowls you each started with.

(d) Leave the restaurant without eating.

Q3 Your friend at the office has been ordering and collecting the coffees for the team at the morning break. You discover that s/he has been receiving a free coffee every morning from the caf� as a loyalty reward for purchasing six coffees.

Do you:

(a) Think that shows initiative.

(b) Start collecting your own coffee.

(d) Stop drinking coffee.

How to score.

Write down your answers and add the point scores together.

If you answered: 1(a) You are the sort of person who likes to know what they are getting into. This is great if you are planning an event, but not the spontaneous type. 15 points. 1(b) You do not take the needs of others seriously. 5 points. 1(c) You put your own needs ahead of your friends. 10 points. 1(d) You are the best friend everyone wants but seldom finds. 20 points.

2(a)You are the kind of friend who does not make a fuss. Share and share alike is your philosophy. 20 points. 2(b) Conversation with your friend is more important to you than food. 15 points. 2(c) Food is more important than friendships. 10 points. 2(d) Neither food or friendship is a priority for you. 5 points.

3(a) You are a true and loyal friend. 20 points. 3(b) You prefer to choose what to give a friend. Rather than have them use you to get freebies. 10 points. 3(c) A good friend offers to share the work load. 15 points. 3(d) You punish both your friend and yourself. 5 points.

How did you rate?

Top Score 60 points Congratulations, as a friend you can be depended upon, no matter what. Small issues are not permitted to cloud friendship. You are supportive of your friends talents. The best kind of friend.

45 points Friendship with you is conditional.

30 points You opt out when the going gets tough.

15 points This is not friendship behaviour. If you want to be friends with the people around you. Consider meeting their needs or assisting them to meet their needs. True friends do not expect reward. Be consistent in your actions. Be the type of person others would choose to be with.

Article by Catherine McFarlane-Noble of Ask Counsellor Cathy (Relationship Therapist) a service offered by the Taiji Longevity Studio
http://www.taijilongevitystudio.com
For further details email info@taijilongevitystudio.com

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http://EzineArticles.com/?What-Kind-of-Friend-Are-You—Test-Yourself&id=4559387

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: friendship, friendship test, self improvement

The Importance of Quality Friendships

March 6, 2012 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Susan Leigh -

Over time we all develop in many different ways. The people with whom we used to party or enjoy sports may now be settled with children and absorbed with family responsibilities, others may be career focussed and living a jet-set life, some may be single and still enjoying partying and the club scene.

It can be fun to have reunions and enjoy catching up with each other, hearing the gossip, seeing how we have all changed. But if the whole of our social life is involved with people from our past it may well be that we need to consider the quality of our friendships, reflect on their influence in our lives. Nostalgia is fine on occasion, but improving the quality of our friendships and having different types of relationships can offer much in many other ways.

Some ways to improve the quality of your friendships:

- Duty can be an important part of friendship. There may be people with whom you spend time out of tradition, loyalty, continuity. They have known you all your life, better than anyone. But those connections and memories may be something that needs to be minimised at times. A positive influence is important, but if someone from your past is negative or unsupportive, keeps trying to hold you back, it may be time to consider removing their ability to influence you.

- Good friends should be prepared to listen and demonstrate respect for your worries and concerns at times when you need their support. Having someone who understands that you just need them to listen, or that you would benefit from their input and advice is important. Feeling safe and not judged for your behaviour or dilemma is a valuable part of a quality friendship. Quality friends are there for you when you need them.

- Compromise is important in relationships, but compromise works both ways. Your ideas deserve to be listened to, your suggestions should be valued and discussed. If your friends don’t appear to be interested in the activities, new ideas, things that you suggest maybe it’s time to introduce other new people who do.

- Confidence may need to be improved so you can introduce changes to suit you better. Many groups establish a certain dynamic, a regular, comfortable way of doing things. For some people continuity and predictability may well be fine. It’s an easy option to know where the gang meet regularly. Other people may prefer to dip in and out of such a rigid arrangement and use their free time in a variety of ways. Find the confidence to start voicing your own opinions and preferences.

- New people come into your life from many sources, work, the gym, introductions. There needs to be receptivity, an attitude of mind that welcomes friendly, positive new people into your life. Enjoy the opportunity to try new activities, appreciate their way of thinking, the new energy they bring into your life. It is important to make the time to nurture those relationships. Even meeting for coffee or lunch needs time to be allocated.

- Doing the things that you enjoy with people you like is an important commitment to yourself and your quality of life. Good friends deserve attention. They are the people who care about you, give good advice, understand where you’re coming from, the things that motivate or worry you. Having genuine people who have your best interests at heart is special. Even if you disagree with them or choose not to follow their advice the fact that they still respect you and stay friends is the sign of a quality relationship, a true friend.

Positive relationship support you and help you function better in your life. When you surround yourself with people from the different areas of your life you provide yourself with an important support network, the people who share your dreams, concerns, understand what your issues are. Some may be people from your past, others may have been acquired more recently. Making time and space in your life for quality friendships is important. Sometimes that requires letting go of the less supportive relationships.

Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.

Further help, advice and articles are available on relationships and other associated topics.

For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

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Filed Under: Featured Tagged With: friendship, good friends, importance of friendship, self improvement

Thursday, July 14, 2011 – Friendship

July 14, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

“Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them.”

~Francesco Guicciardini

Filed Under: Daily Quotes Tagged With: daily quote, friendship

Self Acceptance

November 22, 2010 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Theresa Owens -

It isn’t always easy to accept who or what we are. We all like to imagine ourselves as if looking through the lens of ‘an ideal’ without flaws or weaknesses. In truth, nobody is perfect; being human means that we make mistakes.

Today psychologists generally agree that our level of self-esteem, (how much you like and value yourself as a person), lies at the heart of your personality. To enjoy the benefits of high self-esteem is to accept and embrace all facets of ourselves – (not just the ‘esteem-able’ parts), unconditionally.

“Since the perfect human being has not yet been discovered, we all need to live with our hang-ups and our idiosyncrasies until they can be ironed out. One of the most important qualities in successful dynamic living is that of self-acceptance.” -Denis Waitley

Self-acceptance comes from an acceptance of the things you like about yourself and the things you don’t. We all will (and do) make mistakes, do things wrong and have things about us that maybe we would prefer not to have – this is what makes us unique.

Self-acceptance also involves compassion – compassion for self. We often judge ourselves unfavourably and this creates an internal dialogue (self-talk) that is negative and for the most part will result in us feeling bad about ourselves and does little to motivate us or change things.

Acceptance is about being ok with where you are now – in all aspects of your life. That does not mean that you cannot strive to change things that you want to change – it means being accepting of what is going on ‘right now’, in the ‘here and now’ and acknowledging the advantages of this – whist still working towards goals and outcomes for changes you want to make in your life.

Some people say to me – it can’t be that easy, but I know the benefits of thinking and behaving in this way, and, as you consider the benefits of self-acceptance you might like to think about the improvements it will enable you to make in your life.

In his book Happiness Now, Robert Holden says – “Happiness and self-acceptance go hand in hand. In fact, your level of self-acceptance determines your level of happiness. The more self-acceptance you have, the more happiness you will allow yourself to accept, receive and enjoy.”

Therefore, the ability to show ourselves compassion is essential. The more we are able to forgive ourselves for everything we regard as shameful, wrong, or blameworthy, the better we will understand that no human being is perfect and all that we do, whether right or wrong is another chapter in our learning and reflects our efforts to be the best we can be. Nobody deliberately does a thing wrong and we all make the best choice available to us at the time of making it.

Being able to accept ourselves unconditionally means that we set the standard. Once we stop grading ourselves and beating ourselves up for what we ‘should’ must, or ought to do’ we can adopt an attitude of compassion, understanding and forgiveness. We can continue to strive to do better whilst accepting who we are and where we are, – as we are, today.

If we can adopt this for ourselves, we are more likely to be accepting of others which will have the added benefit of improving our relationships within all areas of our life.

“The greatest success, is successful self acceptance.”

- Ben Sweet

Theresa M Owens
Professional Counsellor and Coach
Registered Hypnotist /Master Practitioner NLP
Email: theresa@e-t-c.me.uk
Mob: 0781 256 6940
15th March 2010

An NLP Master Practitioner, Counsellor and Life Coach, Theresa is a highly respected and skilled teacher and trainer, with a person centred approach to learning and personal and professional development. As the Training Director of Life Change UK she has designed and written the company’s training courses. Theresa also provides dynamic group and one to one training / support to people suffering from substance misuse.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Theresa_Owens
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Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: accept ourselves unconditionally, acceptance, Anger Management, compassion, friendship, Happiness, self improvement, self help

A Visit From the Past

April 1, 2010 By ireneconlan 1 Comment

By Irene Conlan -

Last night I was surfing the senior singles sites. Yes, even I do that.

I was surprised to see a name from the past – or at least I thought it might be. The name represented a family of friends from the past. Our kids attended school together and were close friends. His wife was a dear friend but, unfortunately, we had lost contact over the years. She was a beautiful being in every way and someone I much admired.

In fact last week I told someone about her. You see, a friend of a friend had just been diagnosed with scleroderma – a dreadful autoimmune disease that affects the skin and blood vessels of the body. The skin becomes very thick and loses its elasticity and all of the internal organs are affected. It is crippling and very painful. My friend, Cathy, had scleroderma and she was amazing. While the disease devastated her body, it didn’t daunt her spirit and she was one of the sweetest, kindest women I’ve ever known. A gifted pianist, she worked tirelessly to get her crippled and twisted fingers to play again. During her concert – yes, she did it – I cried with emotion over the tremendous feat she had accomplished. She wanted me to help her write a book but in those years I didn’t have the skills or the talent to do it. We worked long hours to make it happen but neither of us could do it. She was one of those people that you never forget.

Our lives changed and we lost touch. I thought of her often over the years but didn’t take the time or make the effort to contact her. I wasn’t sure she was still living because I know how ill she was. And when I saw her husband on the single’s site I knew Cathy had graduated to a new dimension and I believe she had a grand welcoming there. Heaven, the “other side,” glory, the Light – whatever you choose to call that place of life after life must have held tremendous rewards for Cathy.

I started to contact her widowed husband just to say hello and I was overcome with any number of emotions that prevented that – guilt because I had not stayed in touch, grief that she is gone and I have no chance to say hello or goodbye, sadness that her boys who loved their mother so much had now lost her. All those very human feelings that we experience, acknowledge, work through.

Knowing I made the best decisions I could make for me and my family I had to dismiss the guilt – guilt is a useless, unneeded and undeserved emotion in situations such as this. I can work through the grief and sadness.

The flood of memories that came with reminisces of Cathy brought up old painful memories in my own life that I thought I had put to rest a long time ago. It was a difficult time for me. My marriage was falling apart, my sons were leaving the nest and I was in a whirlwind of change. It was a time of tremendous self doubt and endless searching for the right path to take. I was a time when my own self esteem was dangerously low, clouding my judgment and holding me back.

Twenty years makes so much difference in a life – or at least it did in mine. Reconciling the past with the present requires a lot of forgiveness of others and of myself and a great deal of appreciation for all I’ve had and all the wonderful people who have inspired me along the way. Cathy is certainly right at the top of my list.

The good news is that we all can get up from the place we’ve fallen and have a new start. While those were the most painful times of my life they were also the most productive. I have emerged from them knowing who I am and liking me a lot. That I live in the Phoenix area is symbolic to me because I have, like the Phoenix bird, risen from the ashes of defeat and near despair, to a life full of joy and fulfillment. There is so much more ahead for me and I fully intend to make the most of it.

Join me in the journey.

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: friendship, memories, old friends, remembering, self improvement

A Friend Indeed

March 2, 2010 By kzane Leave a Comment

By Kerri Zane

Every so often I receive one of those emails that are passed from woman to woman about the importance of girlfriends. They are so poetic and poignant. I love them. I know there is a long routing list of which I am one of dozens, but I like being included. Friends are such a cherished part of my life and the words expressed in the content of the passages resonate to my core. We ladies would be lost without our girlfriends!

Friends help up pick up the pieces after an ugly (or not so ugly) break-up, they are our support when our children confuse us, a sounding board for just about every situation that comes across our path and if that weren’t enough they are our most trusted fashion advisers. My best friend Sue often reminds me, “friends tell us what we need to hear not what we want to hear.” She never passes judgment, always a sympathetic ear and tells me like it is.

The other day I was having lunch with one of my other best friends, my 90-year-old mom. I asked her what brought her the most happiness in her life. Without a second thought, she proclaimed, “my friends! They are always there for me. They help me through thick and thin, I don’t know where I’d be without them.”

No doubt friends are the key to a fulfilling life. We’ve known it forever. Now researchers are finding another reason to keep friends close. There is scientific evidence that friendships and being a part of a social network can lower blood pressure, reduce the risk of diabetes and heart disease. Staying in touch with friends can keep depression at bay and keep us young. A Harvard Nurses Health Study found that the more friends a woman had the less likely they were to be physically incapacitated, as they grew older.

Why do women love sharing, discussing and dissecting so much? It appears that sharing with friends is hard wired in our brains. Stress from jobs, challenging relationships and even traffic can trigger the release of cortisol, a hormone which increases blood pressure, blood sugar and reduces immune responses. Luckily, our brains have a built in mechanism to counter the harmful affects of cortisol, called oxytocin. Intense pressure for women triggers the release of oxytocin, or the so called calming hormone. A number of activities increase the output of oxytocin, including my favorite activity, exercise, along with a few other favs – yoga, massage, meditation, caring for a pet and you guessed it hanging out with friends. All these activities including companionship leads to the release of more oxytocin creating an increased sense of well being. Combine that with exercise and you’ve got a double dose of zen. Oxytocin is a unique neurochemical, difficult to replicate synthetically, but the more we make with the above mentioned activities the stronger our body and mind responds to it. The stress relieving aspect of friendship and fitness can play a big role in helping women stay healthy and far better than a medicine cabinet full of drugs.

Try spending at least an hour a week with your friends walking and chatting, it can lead to better health and will definitely be a ton of fun!

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: cortisol, friendship, fun, health, immune system, oxytocin, Self Improvement

A Best Friend – the Greatest Self Improvement Tool

December 6, 2009 By ireneconlan 1 Comment

By Irene Conlan -

One of life’s greatest gifts is the gift of friendship. Most of us have many acquaintances and, if we are lucky (although luck has little to do with it) we have at least one good friend. If you have more that one true friend you are rich, indeed.

Most of us, when we were growing up, had a “best friend?” Best friends did everything together and entrusted each other with their craziest ideas, wildest dreams, and deepest secrets. When we got old enough to have a “romantic” girlfriend/boyfriend our interests changed but we still wanted and needed our “best friend.”

We still do.

There is no better self improvement tool than a good friend. A good friend is someone you trust and enjoy who is able to help you put your thoughts back on track when you get derailed, sit with you when you are grieving and laugh with you every chance they get. A good friend knows which buttons to push and not push and likes you despite these buttons. . A good friend does not just hear but truly listens and understands what you are saying, and just by mirroring you over time, helps take the rough edges off your personality

No matter what your age you need someone that you can trust to tell you the truth, to stick with you in the hard times and rejoice with you in the good times. Our spouse may be a “best friend” but we still need someone else in our lives, someone we know we can turn to and who can rely on us to be there for them as well. In my work with the grieving I work with many whose spouse has died and they have absolutely no one to lean on. They feel lost and alone, often without identity. A “best friend” can help lighten the load better than anyone else.

Today’s videos are about friendship. As you listen to Straight No Chaser sing “Stand By Me”, pay attention to the words. (The words are below). As you listen, reflect on your own life and your friendships. Who would stand by you? Who would you stand by? It’s never too late to begin to form a real friendship and each of us is worthy of a friend.

Stand By Me
By John Lennon

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see
No I won’t be afraid
No I won’t be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darling, darling stand by me
Oh, now, now, stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won’t cry, I won’t cry
No I won’t shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

Whenever you’re in trouble won’t you stand by me
Oh, now, now, stand by me
Oh, stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Filed Under: Self Esteem, Self Improvement Tagged With: A Best Friend, friendship, self Improvement Tool, sharing, stand by me

The Gift of Friendship

What Kind of Friend Are You – Test Yourself

The Importance of Quality Friendships

Thursday, July 14, 2011 – Friendship

Self Acceptance

A Visit From the Past

A Friend Indeed

Brain Magic

News and Other New Stuff

Listen to Yvonne Perry’s interview with Gaetano Vivo today at 2:55 CDT

Someone You Should Know

Book Reviews

A Review: Lipstick and The Leash: A Woman’s Guide to Getting What You Want from Your Dog & Your Life.

The Oneness Gospel: Birthing the Christ Consciousness and Divine Human in You. A Review

Irene’s Articles

Cleaning out the clutter

Let’s put “Self” Back in Self Improvement