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Authenticity – Living Life in Harmony With Our True Inner Self

April 12, 2011 By Leave a Comment

By Elias Scultori -

If we had a poll today asking people if they lived their lives authentically, I am almost certain we would get a very positive answer from the majority of the interviewees. I want to believe that most people live their lives acting and performing in the best of their abilities. They work hard. Most of the time they tell the truth. They respect each other. And they try to make connections that are lasting and fulfilling.

But is this true authenticity? The English dictionary says that authenticity means “the genuineness or truth of something.” When we read this and haphazardly apply to our daily routines, I believe most people would say they live lives that are authentic and that they act with authenticity. Most people would say they are sincere, genuine and that they act with truth.

But let’s go a little deeper. What are your true desires? What are the things that you long for the most? What is it that you truly believe in? Where does your heart reside? What is it that you really, really want for your life today? Who are you?

You see, most of the time we live our lives doing the things the way we were taught to live. We go about making choices, making decisions based on what people have told us would be the best for us or on what they expect of us. And we never really, truly questioned them to find out if they are in agreement with our own true selves, with who we really are. The result of this is that we end up dissatisfied, annoyed, perhaps angry, frustrated and sometimes even depressed and hopeless. We accommodate and life becomes uninteresting. And we go about blaming others, blaming our family, blaming our government, politicians and even blaming God.

A true authentic life is the one that is in synchronicity with our core values. A true authentic life is the one that ticks flawlessly together with our heart. Do you know what that is? Do you live in that place? What would take for you to discover this?

This is no simple task. We are constantly bombarded by society’s wishes and demands that we often relinquish ourselves to them. In the process we lose focus and forget the longings of our soul. But we can reclaim our space. Everyday we must tune in, call for our internal voice and listen. Everyday, at the moment of every decision and every action we must ask ourselves if that is authentic for us, if that is genuine and true, not according to anyone else, but solely to us. Then we will be living a true authentic life.

This is a path that takes courage and determination, but that is rewarding and satisfying. We can do this. Start today!

Elias Scultori is a professional life coach. His practice and speaking engagements expand across the country and abroad. His focus is on helping his clients remove barriers, unearth their talents and true desires so they can build a personal and/or professional life journey that is full, rewarding and authentic. Elias was born in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and presently lives in Princeton, NJ. To find out more go to www.lifecoaching-egs.com

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Dealing With Frustration

August 21, 2010 By Leave a Comment

stressedBy Irene Conlan -

Did you ever notice how it’s the little things that get you  tied up in a knot? The big things we often handle with grace and acceptance. We muster all our inner resources and deal with the situation accepting what cannot be changed and doing what we can to adjust. .

But sometimes those little things … Well, you know what I mean.

As you may have read, this week lightening struck our house and did some damage to some of our electrical outlets and phones. Everything is fixed now except for the halogen lamp. Yesterday I bought a bulb (a $6.95 bulb which I think is pricy) and installed it in the lamp.  No light.  I twisted it, turned it, took it out and put it back in, reversed it – no light. I checked the plug which I already knew is working just fine, plugged the lamp back in – no light. I didn’t know what else to do so I went about my business doing something else for awhile.

I really wanted to get that lamp fixed. I have a sectional couch and I had it pulled apart because the lamp sits behind it in the corner which is the only dark spot in the room. The couch is heavy and I didn’t want to put it back together until the lamp was fixed. I just wanted to do it once.

A few hours later I returned to the lamp. I took the bulb out and did all the same things I did the first time. (The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Hmmm) I had a flicker of light and then nothing. No light. Insanely, I tried most of  those steps again hoping to get the bulb “just right” and be rewarded with beautiful, corner-filling light. No such luck.

By now my frustration level was getting rather high and it isn’t a feeling I liked.

Wikipedia has a nice description of frustration:

Frustration is a common emotional response to opposition. Related to anger and disappointment, it arises from the perceived resistance to the fulfillment of individual will. The greater the obstruction, and the greater the will, the more the frustration is likely to be. Causes of frustration may be internal or external. In people, internal frustration may arise from challenges in fulfilling personal goals and desires, instinctual drives and needs, or dealing with perceived deficiencies, such as a lack of confidence or fear of social situations. Conflict can also be an internal source of frustration; when one has competing goals that interfere with one another, it can create cognitive dissonance. External causes of frustration involve conditions outside an individual, such as a blocked road or a difficult task.

So what do you do when you’re totally frustrated?

As in all things there is a choice. In this situation I could

  1. Have a temper tantrum (react in anger) to release the inner stress
  2. find a solution
  3. do nothing

This may sound strange, but I was in too good a mood to have a temper tantrum. No tantrums today! I find that they rarely solve anything and there are other ways to let off steam. That left me with a choice between finding a solution or doing nothing.

My solution was to do nothing. We have a good friend who knows about these things. He will be coming by one day next week and I will let him try his hand with it. In the meantime, I put the couch and the lamp back together and we’ll just wait for Andrew.

Generally, dealing with frustration in a mature and effective way involves awareness. When  you are aware of the whole situation and aware of what’s happening within yourself, you can make rational decisions about the action you can take.

Ask yourself the questions:

  • Is this important enough to allow it to ruin my day?
  • Is this within my control?
  • Is this something I have the skill set to deal with or do I need to get help?
  • What can I do now to lower my stress level and deal with the situation without losing my cool?

If after assessing the situation I realize there is nothing I can do right now to change the situation, I can make a decision  to get help, postpone the action until I have something I need, or drop it all together.The cat and the computer 002

You may find that it’s something you can drop altogether or at least drop your expectations about. I had high expectations for getting that lamp fixed and the couch put back together. It didn’t happen. Changing my expectations took all the tension out of the situation.

Neither the cat nor I are worried about the dark corner. In fact, it would be a good place for both the cat and I to have a nap. Maybe then she’ll get off my computer.

Enjoy the day

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