By Irene Conlan -

Christmas is almost here and some of you men are waiting for your Christmas Eve. run to the mall to do everything last minute. Some of you are just wondering what on this earth you can do to please her and be the hero who gave her just what she wanted. Well, hopefully, you’ll find some help here – at least in those things to avoid. As you read this, think of the clues and cues she’s already given you. Yes, I know, some women expect you to read their mind and, you would prefer she come right out and tell you, “What I want is … ” But that’s not how most of us are.

Women want the men in their lives to give them something that shows he knows, loves and understands her – something that has significance in their relationship that says, “Do you remember the time . . .?” It needs to say “I cherish you and making you happy is my highest priority.” Anything else has the possibility of hurt feelings and a near end to the relationship. It doesn’t have to be expensive as much as it needs to be thoughtful and special to her.

Some things vie for the top of the list. One of those “certain to alienate” gifts is any one of the “How to” books such as “How to Manage Your Money” with a handy, dandy account ledger included. Others such as “How to Cook Everything” and “How to Be Good in Bed” carry messages you don’t want to send and “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds” could have you standing on the wrong side of the door.

Up at the top with “How to Books” is sports equipment. She most likely will not gush over a new rod and reel or a fishing lure, a new pro football or a hockey stick. Unless you know she’s committed to a sport such as tennis or golf, leave sports equipment alone. If she’s a female jock that’s a different story.

Don’t let anything that has to do with weight loss capture your attention or your wallet. Diet books, exercise DVD’s, workout clothes and club membership could spell certain death to your relationship. Even if she says she wants it, don’t do it. This ice is much too thin for you to skate on it. She wants to believe you think she’s beautiful. Any gift related to weight or body shape tells her you don’t think so and she will feel crushed.

Those skimpy little see through nighties may also totally turn her off. It may be o.k. to give her some sexy lingerie once in your relationship but a repeat will most likely get a chilly reception. Let her know what pleases you and let her do the shopping for such items.

Gifts that say “I want you to be more efficient in the kitchen, the yard, caring for the car or cleaning the house” are absolute no-nos. No gardening books, rakes trowels or shovels; no wrenches, pliers, tool cases or hydraulic jacks; no blenders, no pots and pans, no toilet bowl cleaners (absolutely never). These say “If you work harder I’ll love you.” If she has a passion for gardening, gift giving time is not a time to give her a bag of peat moss.

It’s certainly o.k. to ask her for a “wish list” and abide by it, steering clear of some of the absolute dangers such as weight related gifts. But a much more powerful move would be to notice what she likes and dislikes, what she oohs and ahhhs about and what makes her say “Oh, yuck.” Shop with your heart and use your imagination to find a gift that seems made just for her and you will have a very happy girlfriend, indeed.

Women, if you have ideas or input, please leave a comment. Men, you, too.