By Irene Conlan -

When you are serious about self improvement – when you want to be “the best that you can be” (no reference to the Army) – you keep an eye out for good guidelines, new approaches that make our journey feel fresh and new again. There is one book that I treasure and have given multiple copies to others and that is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. And now his son, Don Jose Ruiz, has written The Fifth Agreement. If you haven’t read these two books I encourage you do to do so and urge you to read them thoughtfully and perhaps more than once.

The first agreement, to refresh your memory, is “Be Impeccable in your speech.” Impeccable is a great word that has two meanings: 1. faultess; flawless; irreproachable; 2. not liable to sin; not capable of sin. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/impeccable

To become impeccable in our speech could take a lifetime – maybe several lifetimes. It is something we need to be constantly aware of. What are we saying? What are we promising? To do this you have to be aware of every sound that is about to come out of your mouth – before it does. How would your life be if you didn’t bow to the pressure to gossip, indulge in innuendo, and share negativity? What if you were careful to express yourself with as much love as you possibly can?

To start, pay attention to what you say during several days – become aware of it, note it and make a decision about what you need to chaange to move you even a little toward speech impeccability.

The second agreement – Don’t take anything personally. Are you kidding me? How on earth do I do this? Begin by realizing that everything isn’t about you and, even if it is, you don’t need to take it personally. Notice it and go on with your life. One of my most favorite sayings is “What anybody else thinks of me is none of my business.” It’s easier said than done, but is a good rule of thumb.

The third agreement – Don’t make assumptions. Wouldn’t we eliminate a lot of trouble for ourselves if we didn’t make assumptions and jump to conclusions? It is so human to do that, isn’t it? Be slow to judge because your verdict may come back to bite you and may badly hurt another person. I feel sure you’ve heard this but just in case you haven’t look at the word assume. What does it say? Assuming makes an ass of u and me. Ass-u-me. Hmmm. Worth pondering, isn’t it?

The fourth agreement – Always do your best. We all like to believe we do this, don’t we? But do we always do our best? Always is an all encompassing word, isn’t it? I think our intention is always to do the best we can but there are times when the spirit is willing but the flesh isn’t and we just “get through” the best we can. What would it be like always to do my best, I wonder. What a difference would it make if we all did?

And the new fifth agreement – Be skeptical but learn to listen. We are bombarded with information on a continuous basis about issues very meaningful to us. Some of the information directly opposes what we we have come to believe. There are two eextrems of response: buy into it immediately or reject it entirely. Don Jose Ruiz encourages us to listen carefully to what is said and what isn’t said, weigh it carefully before you make a decision on whether to accept or reject it. Don’t be too quick to either accept or reject ideas before you have examined them in your mind and your heart. Ruiz makes a statement that I want to share with you word for word and that is “If you’re miserable sometimes it’s because you’re telling yourself a story that isn’t true, but you believe it (The Fifth Agreement, p. 75)

If these five agreements are new to you – and even if they’re not – I encourage you to study them and examine your life in light of them. We took a racing sprint through them. Go back and take a leisurely stroll through them .You can’t go wrong here and it will propel you nicely along your self improvement path.