By Irene Conlan -

This morning’s mail brought the following question in response to the article, “Who’s in Charge Here?” It’s a great question and I’ll do my best to answer it.

I wonder if you have more advice as to how to actually implement 3 and 4 (quoted below). I feel like they are both genuine problems of mine, especially 4 where the line of work I’m in does involve interacting with some pretty negative folks. It’s all well saying to ’shut it out’ but it’s more a case of finding that act in itself pretty tough.

3. See the big picture. The moment may be tough but the total hour/day/week/month/year/life may be fabulous. Don’t get lost in the bad moment.
4. Shut out as much negativity as possible – Choose your friends well. Monitor what comes in over the radio, TV, phone, etc. Don’t buy in to the negative. Yes, there are troubles in the world. Letting them infect and affect you will not solve the world’s problem.

The answer is not a simple one nor is there a quick solution. It would be great if we could flip a switch and turn off the negativity around us but there is no such switch.

The starting place is with your own thinking and, if you start on it today, know that you will need to work on it for the rest of your life. It is a matter of building in yourself the habit of positive thinking and it is something you need to develop over time. Some things you can do to develop this habit include:

• Listing those things you are most grateful for – Spend time on this list in the beginning adding as many things as you can. Then, on a daily basis, write down three to five things you are grateful for that day. This sets the tone for the day.
• List all the good things about yourself that you can define. Keep adding to this list.
• List the things you like about your job and the people you work with. Do not dwell on the things you don’t like about your job or the people.
• Develop the habit of looking for the positives in every person you meet and every situation you experience. Make this a conscious effort. In the beginning make it a game – find something positive in the most negative person or event. Even most of the negative experiences have something for you to learn.

Avoid the TV news as much as possible. It’s important to stay informed, but if you want bad news this is the place to find it. You can live without it quite well unless you’re a reporter or an editorial writer. Get your news once daily or read the headlines on the Internet. If working with the news is part of your job, make an effort to avoid what I call “emotional buy-in.” You cannot help those who are suffering around the world if you sink down in the mire of negativity as you read about their plight.

Monitor your thoughts and your reactions to what is going on around you. Be aware of who rubs you the wrong way. Why do you react the way you do? Is there mainly one person who triggers negative reactions in you? Why? Who brings you near the breaking point?  You will find some interesting areas of self improvement in your own life when you ask these questions. You cannot change them but you can change the way you react to them.

Choose a few positive affirmations that are meaningful to you and bring them to mind throughout the day. e.g., “I say Yes to life.” ” I am calm and relaxed in every situation,” ” I am in charge of my own thoughts and my own reactions, ” “I am in the perfect job for me right now.” “I find good in everyone around me.” You get the idea.  Write your own. Affirm what it is you want your life/your job to be like.

Visualize your ideal workplace and yourself in it. See yourself doing something you love and feel how happy it would make you. Put every detail in it that you can. You might be surprised to find it some day when you least expect it

These things prepare you to be positive as a person. The big challenge is to stay positive when everything and everyone around you seems to pull you down into the pit of negative thinking and negative reacting. If you have developed the habit of positive thinking this will be much easier.

On the job, avoid the “water cooler gossip.” Rarely is the conversation uplifting and rarely does it help anyone. And don’t get caught up in the bitching and complaining that goes on in the workplace.Either interject something positive or walk away. I like the wisdom of Thumper’s mom in Bambi – and I paraphrase – “If you can’t say somthin’ good, don’t say nothin’ at all.”

Seek out other like-minded positive thinkers. There has to be another one somewhere.Make an effort to get to know your co-workers better and “hang around” the most positive ones.

Get involved in a project of helping others. This is the single most helpful thing I know to help you stay positive. It is hard to succumb to the negativity on the job when you are planning how you are going to help that single mom who is struggling so hard, or to mow the lawn for the little old lady down the street, or volunteer with Habitat for Humanity or at the local food bank.

These are just a few suggestions. I would also encourage you to learn meditation, study positive psychology, find positive relationships outside of work, and spend more time in reflection about life and your part in it.

It isn’t easy but it can be done. Spend your time looking for the positive, the beauty, the special, the good, the upbeat. The negative will gradually begin to let you go. Oh, it will bite you now and then but it won’t be in control after you take charge of your own thinking.

The responsibility of living a positive life rests entirely on your shoulders and it begins with taking control of your own thoughts – one thought at a time.