Self Esteem Exercises For the Perfect Marriage

By Menelaos Christophi -

Self esteem in a marriage is something that can be improved by systematic effort by the person itself and by the help and support of the significant other. Below there are 5 self esteem exercises that can be followed by a couple to improve each other’s self esteem and develop a more quality relationship between them.

1. The unconditional acceptance

The complete and unconditional acceptance is the most stable foundation to build the self-esteem. Without self estem, a marriage is left in the hands of our emotions that are a non-permanent element.

2. Forget the past

You need to adopt a positive and hopeful perspective against a background where your partner has proved inadequate. Do not always refer to the past and remind your partner for his/her failures. Forget the past and try to praise your partner’s skills and capabilities.

3. Be careful on what you say

It is unbelievable how much power is contained in the words we speak – what words we use and their effect on people of our environment. The words have the power either to destroy a healthy self-esteem and personality or to reverse the negative image that someone has for himself. In your mouth is”life”and”death”.

4. Be supportive in the difficult moments

Within the storms and problems of your marriage, instead of rejecting each other, it is better to build and support each other. Being supportive will not only raise your partner’s self esteem but it will also improve your self esteem because the feeling you get when you give is one of the factors that can make you feel better and make your self esteem better.

5. Free your partner from the feelings of failure.

Free your partner from the prison of “performance and results”, with the gold key that says “freedom from the fear of failure”. One of the most common reasons that may impact someone’s self esteem is the fear of failure. If you constantly criticise your partner about his/her failures then in the long run this will impact self esteem. Try to be supportive and do not always judge your partner based on its performance and results.

More self esteem exercises on ManageYourLifeNow.com

Low self esteem is bad for your relationship.

Low self esteem is dangerous for your health.

Improve your low self esteem.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2011 – Marriage

All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.
Raymond Hull

To Move In or to Marry?

By eHarmonyUK -

That is indeed the question, or today’s question at any rate. When you meet someone, fall in love and spend years in a contented relationship, the only possible outcome seems to be that you’re going to spend the rest of your lives together. But over time things can change. Some people realise they cannot live with their partner after all. So, should you live with someone before you marry them? Or should you just get hitched straight away?

Moving in together

There are some obvious advantages here. The main one is that you really get to know someone if you live together. You might have had a matching eHarmony online personality quiz when you first met and spent years in a close relationship, but you’ll never know each other properly until you’ve lived together.

Through spending so much more time together, you begin to learn each other’s habits and see each other from every angle and perspective. For some this newfound intimacy can be really lovely and will bring you even closer, but for others the new discoveries are far too much and they make you see your partner in a new and perhaps unexpected light. This is the ultimate test: if you know you can live together, you know you will be able to marry.

Another advantage is that this is a great way of breaking down the steps on the pathway to complete commitment. For many, jumping into a marriage straight away is too much too soon. Living together is a way to gradually adjust to the idea of marrying and has probably been the means of encouraging many to propose.

Marrying

There’s something intrinsically romantic about rushing off to the altar without a care or a single doubt. Perhaps not particularly practical, but wonderfully exciting. This is the stuff of the great Shakespeare romances, believing so wholeheartedly in your relationship that you don’t even need a test run.

Another advantage here is that marriage is a sealing commitment. It’s easier to break up over small things like dirty towels on the floor if you’re only living together. Because marriage is such a binding contract, you will always be more inclined to fight for it and stick together no matter what.

Research

A recent study has actually shown that co-habitation before marriage doesn’t make the smallest bit of difference to how successful the marriage will be. So, according to this, it doesn’t matter if you met on a dating site and got hitched immediately or you were childhood sweethearts and married after eleven years of sharing a flat.

However, the study didn’t show how many couples lived together and then chose not to get married. Many a marital bullet was dodged there, which wouldn’t have flagged up on researcher’s charts.

So, keys or rings? Apparently it won’t make any difference at all!

Thursday, August 4, 2011 – Marriage

Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.
- James C. Dobson

“Pleasing Your Partner” with Toneal Jackson LISTEN NOW

Toneal Jackson is a modern day “Wonder Woman” and we’re going to explore how she does all she does. She is raising four daughters, heading up two departments in her church, speaking and teaching across the country and has written two books in two years. Married for almost 10 years, Toneal has experienced almost every issue that marriage has to offer; yet she is still standing, and her marriage is stronger than ever. Her experiences have taught her that marriage can be trying, yet rewarding. Self-proclaimed “mother of many”, Toneal has been credited with raising over 10 children including her own four. She wrote and dedicated a children’s book to them, Four Girls: A Lot of Choices, which was published in April. Toneal attends numerous events nationwide presenting her book, Pleasing Your Partner: A Spiritual Guide to H.A.P.P.I.N.E.S.S.

Toneal Jackson is known as the “Queen of Multi-tasking,” Toneal serves in various capacities: wife and mother, author/poet, motivational speaker, educator, licensed evangelist, youth leader and radio talk show host. She received her MBA from the University of Phoenix, and BA from DePaul University. A firm believer in giving back, she is President of both the Evangelist and Youth Departments at her local church. She has been ranked #3 for the National Black Book Festival’s 2011 Best New Author Award and was featured in the April and May editions of NBBF News. She is a member of the Chicago Writers Association (CWA), as well as the National Association of Professional Women (NAPW). She is the mother of four daughters and is the self-proclaimed “mother of many” being credited with raising a total of ten children.  She is the author of Pleasing Your Parther: A Spiritual Guide to H.A.P.P.I.N.E.S.S. and the recently released Four Girls: A Lot of Choices.

To Listen, Click Here

Learn to Love Imperfection

By Krista Dunk -

Do you know any person who is perfect in every way? Have you ever failed, fallen short, or been offensive or wrong? At a recent conference, I learned an important principle about love that needs to be shared. This is the ultimate in forgiveness – it’s learning to love imperfection.

Marriage is the most tender, yet most strenuous relationship we have. If you have the expectation of perfection for yourself or for your spouse, you will be disappointed – probably everyday. Loving someone else means you love their soul – the good, the bad and the ugly (hopefully not too much ugly). At some point you will be let down, offended, hurt, angry, disillusioned, bored, stressed, frustrated, nit-picky, and upset. Can you truly love them anyway? Don’t forget that at some point you too will be the one who offends, is wrong, behaves insensitively, hurts the other person, etc., whether you purposely mean to or not.

At the same time, a marriage relationship also brings hope, joy, security, partnership, intimacy, friendship, family, collaboration, support, fun, financial gain, passion, respect, honor, and love. Without pushing through the bad, you can never enjoy the good that an enduring marriage brings. Love should cover and forgive an offense, not dwell on it. Don’t get me wrong, if we’re talking about abuse or adultery… the rules change of course. But for other circumstances, learn to love imperfection while striving to improve your relationship.

Unfortunately falling short is a fact of life, even though we don’t intend to or purposefully mean to do so. Examine yourself and see if you have unrealistic expectations for your spouse (or for yourself). Unmet expectations that are not resolved lead to dissatisfaction, resentment, depression, and more. Instead, practice forgiveness, patience and loving imperfection. It’s not easy, but we all need love in spite of our faults and mistakes. We all need to know that we’re loved no matter what – in the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer… sound familiar?

Just keepin’ it real: Be blessed!

Krista Dunk, Founder & CEO
http://www.NWweddingplace.com
“Helping Pacific Northwest Couples Plan Their Dream Weddings & Successful Marriages™”
Olympia, WA
Read our Blog at: http://www.NWweddingplace.blogspot.com
Copyright 2008

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Is Marriage Good For Your Health?

weddingringsBy Lori Lowe -

Lots of people seem to run from the idea of marriage as if it may cause them financial and physical ruin. There are actually many documented benefits of marriage-physical, mental and economic among others. I wouldn’t suggest getting married just to cash in on these benefits, mind you, but engaged and married couples might be happy to know these facts. And those fearful of marriage might find it eases fears.

I have a pro-marriage perspective. However, let me say up front that I realize that not all divorces can or should be prevented, especially if any kind of abuse is occurring. My intent is to provide positive information about marriage.

In the interest of brevity, I will touch on just a few physical benefits of marriage. I’d be happy to share more details if you are interested. In other articles, I’ll share some surprising health benefits that married parents provide to their children.

For the adults:

1) Married people live longer than similar individuals who are single or divorced, even after factoring in income, race and background. (This is true for women, but there’s an even stronger correlation for men.)

2) Men and women who are married have lower rates of substance abuse and alcohol consumption than unmarried individuals, even after controlling for genetic factors and family background.

3) Married individuals have a much lower rate of suicide than those who divorce. Men and women who divorce are tragically twice as likely as married individuals to attempt suicide. Married women have lower rates of suicide than divorced, widowed or never-married women.

4) Married men and women are on average healthier than single, divorced or cohabiting individuals. Researchers don’t know if this is because healthier people get married or because marriage helps them to stay healthier. However, they do know on average married couples live healthier lifestyles, monitor one another’s health and have more wealth, which all probably contribute to better health. A large study of retired individuals showed much less disease and impairment in married individuals than widowed, divorced or cohabiting individuals, after controlling for age, race and sex. A caveat here is that better quality marriages led to better health outcomes! Stress inside or outside a marriage is never good for one’s health.

More information on these studies can be found in “Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition by Institute for American Values.”

Lori Lowe is a writer and communications consultant from Indianapolis. Her blog http://www.lorilowe.wordpress.com encourages couples in their marriages and family relationships. Subscribe today to read a positive voice in your inbox.

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9 Principles For Designing the Life of Your Dreams

cloudsBy Mark Webb -

“Why should I deem myself to be a chisel, when I could be the artist?”

~J.C.F. von Schiller

Do you realize that you can drastically change your life over the next two years? I’m talking about any area of your life. This could be your educational level, your financial status, the fulfillment in your home and marriage. Your success begins with the development of a target. What is your aim?

Can you imagine playing the game of basketball without any hoops? It would look more like a game of keep-away. The whole object of the game is to get the ball in the hoop. What you accomplish in life is much the same way. What are you aiming for in your life? If you don’t have a hoop in mind for yourself, your life will never be all that it could be.

Most people never truly define their goals. If you study successful people, you’ll find that all had a clearly defined target and they focused their energy on that end. Here are nine principles that will accelerate the achievement of your dreams:

1) Start by answering the question, “What do I want out of my life?” The response can be general or specific but the more specific the better. The answers will serve as your targets.

“If you don’t know where you are going, how can you expect to get there?”

~ Basil S. Walsh

2) The past doesn’t predict the future. Just because you have tried and failed in the past doesn’t mean you will fail next time. Perseverance is essential when building the life of your dreams. Bad experiences can teach you how to correct the situation so you will have a positive outcome in the future. Do not limit yourself by focusing on the setbacks of your past. Most successful people have many stories of trials and errors. Rarely is anyone an overnight success.

“There is nothing we cannot live down, rise above and overcome.”

~Ella Wheeler-Wilcox

3) Set goals that mean something to you. Don’t create targets that are really someone else’s dreams. If you live your life trying to fulfill someone else’s wishes for you, you could be setting yourself up for tragic results.

If you are meant to be a chef, then you belong in the kitchen. If you are meant to be a pastor, then you need to be in the ministry. Far too many people choose targets for the wrong reasons. Ask yourself, “Why am I doing what I’m doing?” I encourage you to set goals that are important to you. This will automatically help you love the gift of life that has been given to you.

“Whatever you are meant to do, move toward it and it will come to you.”

~Gloria Dunn

4) Don’t set your sights on so many targets that not one will be reached. The Chinese have a proverb that says “Never try to catch two frogs with one hand.” You can have more than one goal but be careful you don’t dilute your focus. I have a friend who has a hard time getting his work done because he is always getting distracted by “something shiny”. The more concentrated you are in your efforts, the faster you will achieve your goal.

“He who wants to do everything will never do anything.”

~Andre’ Maurois

5) Write your goals on a piece of paper. Goal setting experts agree that this single element will make all the difference in the world. When you write your goals, you begin a process of transforming the abstract into something tangible. If you simply wrote your goals once and then hid the list away for one year, at the end of that year when you revisited the list you would be amazed at what you have accomplished.

Write your goals in the first person and in the present tense.

For example:

I have a Wonderful, Christ-centered marriage with (insert spouse’s name).

I am in excellent shape and have boundless energy.

I earn “X” amount of dollars per year.

I can easily bench-press ____ pounds.

I have unshakable peace of mind.

You want to write these goals as if they have already been attained.

6) Give yourself a daily reminder. If you really want to accelerate your progress then keep your list of goals in front of you. I suggest that once you create your list of goals you should rewrite the list every day for at least 30 days. This practice of writing and re-writing pulls more of your facilities into the process which reinforces the importance and the focus. After you complete the thirty day goal, then you can switch to Step 7.

7) Say your goals out loud. This one can be awkward and possibly disruptive so you may have to be creative when and where you do this step. To significantly speed up your success, say your goals out loud. The spoken word is more powerful than a thought. Remember, God spoke the world into existence. Every morning recite your goals out loud. This reminder will serve you throughout your day and reinforces you will act in accordance with your desired outcome.

8) Walk boldly through your obstacles. Hannah More said, “Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.” So keep your eyes on the target.

9) Always Aim Higher. You want to choose targets that will push you to be all that you can be. You become what you think about, so think BIG.

“The true worth of a man is to be measured by the objects he pursues.”

~ Marcus Aurelius

I talk to too many people who have lived lives of regret. Do not let that happen to you. Set targets that will help you live your life to the fullest. I want you to laugh more, love deeper, and enjoy life while you can.

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships. Sign up for Mark Webb Relationship Strategies Ezine ($100 Value). Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Make Love, Not Laps – Sex Can Benefit Our Health

al weatherhead2By Byron Edgington -

The new swine flu, flesh eating bacteria, e-coli at the salad bar, where will it end? Just when you thought science dredged up only bad news comes this from across the Atlantic. Finally, there’s proof that sex, and it seems that it’s happy, satisfying, monogamous sex we’re referring to, actually helps us live longer. In an age of anxiety over health care plans, HMOs, managed care, overpriced insurance and uncertainty out of Washington, it turns out that regular bedroom intimacy with a loving, faithful partner is as salutary as we’d suspected all along.

Yes, there will be the naysayers, and those who claim that it’s just those randy Brits at it again with their prurient diversions, this time from a laboratory, funded no doubt with cash from their socialized medicine coffers. And there will be those who claim, not without justification, that the study was a waste of such funds, since a celibate life isn’t worth living, much less extending anyway. But for the real proof, here it is.

A recent study at Queens University in Belfast Northern Ireland* showed that frequent, satisfying sex has a remarkable affect on overall life satisfaction. No surprise there. As I said, we’ve long suspected as much. But the extensive study also demonstrated that regular sex has a proven affect on overall health and longevity in males. The mortality of about 1,000 middle-aged men was followed over the course of a decade. After a 10 year period, the British Medical Journal Lancet revealed that the men who reported the highest frequency of orgasm enjoyed a death rate 50 percent lower than the others.

It gets better. This and other studies have shown that having sex a few times a week has a direct link to reduced risk of heart disease: In a 2001 follow-up to the Queens University study, researchers looked at cardiovascular health. They found that men who have sex three or more times a week lowered their risk of heart attack and stroke by 50 percent. (!)

There were remarkable other findings as well, none of which are terribly surprising either, it’s just that they’ve rarely been demonstrated in a scientific journal. Here’s an example. From enjoying regular intimate contact with their mates, weight loss was noticeable in men over fifty. It makes sense; particularly after a certain young age, sex is a lot like exercise, not to say work, at times. A vigorous session in bed is about the same as running for 15 minutes or playing a game of tennis. They don’t call a tie score in tennis love for no reason, after all. During sex, your pulse rate rises from about 70 beats per minute to 150, similar to what you’d get from a vigorous workout at the gym. It may be the perfect aerobic exercise. Make love, not laps.

But wait, it gets even better. Sex as pain relief? Here’s another fascinating outcome of the study. Just before climax, our level of a hormone called oxytocin surges to five times its normal level. Five times! This flood of hormonal anesthesia releases endorphins, which alleviate the pain of everything from headaches to arthritis – even migraines. In women, orgasm stimulates the production of estrogen, which can reduce the pain of PMS. “Not tonight, dear, my headache is gone”.

As far as the long-term partner aspect of the study, there was really no mention of the gender of the so called ‘control group’, the other half of the participants. Indeed, the study focused solely on male health and longevity. Let’s hope a similar experiment arrives soon, based on the female model, and what the affects of a robust sexual experience has on them. If the Queens study is any indication, the results will be similar. One potential outcome may be, that women who enjoy a lot of intimate activity just happen to be married to a person who just happens to enjoy as much intimacy as she does, and just happens to want her to stick around for as long as possible. And that would come as no surprise either. We don’t really need to spend a lot of research money that could be put to better use. We could spend those dollars, or pounds sterling, developing vaccines for swine flu, eradicating this flesh eating menace, or buying sneeze shields for the salad bar.

*Department of Epidemiology and Public Health, Queen’s University of Belfast, Belfast BT12 6BJ

Byron H. Edgington is a writer and creator of the marriage resource website http://www.caffection.com Caffection is where marriage and its manifold benefits are spoken. Visit Caffection.com for an assets planning guide, heartwarming movies, a daily journal, quotes, an e-newsletter and more, all free to download.

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The Disenfranchised Father Syndrome – An Overview

ComfortingBy Zac Johnson

For many in a family the stress of divorce can be quite high. For fathers this is especially true. The sense of loss and in many cases the loss of being a father is just too great. For many fathers this means a sense of loss and often a great depression occurs in the father. What this does to the father’s world view is pretty obvious as the sense of betrayal and hopelessness can be overwhelming. All of these events in a father’s life can lead to what is called the Disenfranchised Father Syndrome.

What are the results of the Disenfranchised Father Syndrome?

For many fathers the first and immediate result is a depression that hurts the father’s ability to make a contribution to the world around him. Further on if left untreated this can lead to other physical illnesses such as heart attacks, stroke and other cases where the father will need to be hospitalized for some medical illness.

Most of the time these events occur in a very hostile and adversarial environment. Having your life turned upside down by someone you used to care about can be about the most stressful thing a father can go through. A hostile lawyer in the mix surely just adds to the stress and slowly chips at the father’s ability to cope with the world around him. This lack of ability to cope with the emotional onslaught of divorce can cause many men to become immobilized and frozen in their world.

The Disenfranchisement of Fathers

For many men the court system may seem weighted against them. Many men believe that the courts are biased towards men and lean too much on trying to help the women in the family. They see the world through their own pain and not through any objective means. For many men they can rightly say that they were disenfranchised in the courts and elsewhere. However that is not an excuse to stop living or paying for child support.

What can be done about this?

For many men the sense of loss because of divorce is just too much. That is where we can begin to attack this issue. The support groups for men need to be emphasized as equally as much for men and for women alike. Emotional health needs to be considered for both parents. Without this consideration many fathers are going to get into a lot of health problems that they might not be able to get out of.

Child custody battles are intense and without the proper aid can be almost impossible. Find the tools needed to win your battle for your kids.

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