The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible.
- Arthur C. Clarke
December 27, 2010 – the Impossible
December 27, 2010 By Leave a Comment
Leverage Your Best – Forget the Rest
November 15, 2010 By 1 Comment
By Lynn Banis -
We are always talking about improving our weaknesses. Why? So we can have better weaknesses? There is very little chance they will turn into strengths so why not focus on honing our strengths and managing our weaknesses? Most of us are not motivated to do the stuff we are bad at anyway.
We are all wired differently and we all have different gifts. It makes much more sense to focus on the things we are gifted in – that is what we have to give the world. Instead we spend so much time, effort and money on trying to make people something they aren’t. There is a real fallacy in the notion that we can be anything we want to be. That just is not true. I cannot be a professional basketball player if I don’t have the body, the skill set and the right mindset – no matter how much I want it. So lets get real here.
It is time that we celebrate what each individual has and leverage those strengths for the good of everyone. One reason we have teams is so that the different skills can come together to make the whole group better than the individuals in the team. The same is true of families and various other groups. Embracing differences gives each of us something we do not have on our own. I am not a concert pianist but I can certainly enjoy the skills of someone who is. You may not be a speaker but perhaps you can write speeches for someone who is.
Part of the reason there is so much stress and anxiety in our culture is that we think we have to be all things to all people and that we have to do everything we try well. Let’s take some of the unrealistic stress off. Look at what we have done to our children. Their days are programmed down to the last minute with this lesson and that lesson, with this practice and that practice, with this club and that club. Oh, and don’t forget time to have a job and do homework. All that counts on the college application after all. When do we have time to live?
If we focused more on the real value and skills we have to offer we would be able to feel more in control and live more productive lives. We would not feel so out of balance and we would not feel we have to strive so hard to be good at everything. Let’s learn to value our strengths and those of other people and then learn how to leverage each others’ strengths for the good of everyone. Who is going to get off this crazy merry-go-round and help us take a broader perspective on life?
About the Author:
Lynn Banis PhD, MCC is known as America’s High Performance Coach. She specializes in helping executives and entrepreneurs make the most of their opportunities and potential. Her years of working with small and large businesses has given her a depth of knowledge that is invaluable to her clients. You can reach her at http://www.discoverypointcoaching.com or lynn@discoverypointcoaching.com. Also check out Lynn’s other businesses: Coach Academy Texas, a cutting edge coach training company; and Turnkey Coaching Solutions, a coaching program mana
gement and contract coach staffing company.
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What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
November 1, 2010 By 1 Comment
By Allison Maslan, President of Blast Off! Life and Business Coaching -
Editor’s Note: Our radio show premiers on Thursday, Nov. 4 and Allison is our first guest. Be sure to listen. Simply go to VoiceAmerica/World Talk Radio at 12 noon PST (3 p.m. EST)
- Would you ask your boss for a raise?
- Would you venture out on a new career or start a new business?
- Would you stop choosing unhealthy relationships?
- Would you stop settling in life because you finally realized you deserve better?
- Would you face the issues in your relationship and do what it takes to make it the best ever?
- Would you rekindle that childhood dream and finally make it reality?
- Would you finally figure out what your passion is and bring it into your everyday life?
- Would you challenge yourself to increase your finances to a whole new level?
- Would you walk away from all the drama in your life?
- Would you choose happiness over worry, anger and grief?
The harm is in your head
Believe it or not, you could completely transform your life if you began to make new, healthy choices. The only harm upon you are the thoughts of fear swimming in your head like a whirlpool. The self-inflicted mental torture is the most painful process of all.
Yes, your biggest fears are merely a figment of your imagination! You have either adopted someone else’s fear, watched it on television, or you were raised in a home that shared the fear freely. If each anticipated obstacle were faced pragmatically, like a child’s first steps, you would find ease even in the falls because they are simply part of the learning curve. “Ok, that hurt my bottom a bit, but I can get up and take another step!”
Living in self-judgment, fear of criticism and fear of failure is a state of imprisonment that is holding you back from embracing life to the fullest. As an adult, you have the choice whether you want to continue living this way. You can choose to live by doing rather than by fearing. The reward: A brand new life!
Did you inherit any of these beliefs?
- The world is a scary place.
- Better safe than sorry.
- Money does not grow on trees.
- Do not look at life through rose colored glasses.
- I will not amount to anything.
- True love only exists in fairy tales.
- Opportunities only come to the wealthy.
- I am not good enough.
- I am not smart enough.
- I am not beautiful enough.
- I am not thin enough.
- I am not successful enough.
- I am lazy.
- I am not capable.
- I cannot do it on my own.
- I cannot depend on anyone.
- It is never good enough.
- It has to be perfect.
- You might end up on the street (one of my family’s favorites).
- Life is hard.
Any of those sound familiar? Just writing those thoughts feels draining! What would life be like if these thoughts were deleted from your brain chemistry? How different your life would be if your daily thoughts were the complete opposite.
- The world is safe and full of beautiful and exciting possibilities.
- Money is always available to me and my bank account is growing every day.
- I enjoy challenging myself because I know that I can achieve whatever I set my mind to.
- Opportunities are falling into my lap on a daily basis.
- I am successful at all of my endeavors.
- True love is mine for the taking because I deserve it.
- I am dynamic.
- Perfection is a waste of time and energy.
- I am a winner in every realm of my life.
- My life is fun and full of new adventures.
Do you feel stuck or trapped?
In time spent with thousands of clients over the years, I have heard many say to me, “I feel stuck and trapped in my current life situation.” To those of you that connect with this statement, I am here to share with you that your idea of being stuck or trapped in your career, relationship, health, financial situation or unfulfilled life is simply not true.
Unless you are literally chained to the floor or locked in a closet, which is highly unlikely, your stuck or trapped perspective is truly an illusion you have chosen to live by. This illusion is a creation of your misbehaving imagination. Yes, it may seem completely real. You can give me all of the evidence and circumstances, and I will say the same thing.
Whatever the data, know that your current situation is simply a belief that you have chose to settle for in one or more realms of your life. Settling can stem from misaligned ideas of your self-worth, fear, self-imposed obligations or the unwillingness to take risks.
As a child, you may have been a victim. As an adult, you can make the choice not to be. Once you take responsibility and choose to move forward, there is an abundant world waiting for you.
So You Are Not Liking What You See In The Mirror?
October 28, 2010 By Leave a Comment
By Susan Burgess _
How many times a day do you acknowledge yourself, how many times to you tell yourself that you have “done well”, how many times do you look in the mirror and congratulate yourself?
You are not doing any of these? Self sabotage will stop you dead on your pathway to success.
Self destructive behavior is far from a rare occurrence, this form of behavior can be life threatening, a disease process that requires specialized medical care, but I am referring more to the large group of humans that could be successful and have more wealth in their life, however they continue to subconsciously destroy their progress.
How easy is it to blame other sources for your misfortune, it is the fault of the government because taxes are too high, your wages are not sufficient to meet your living costs, oh, and I nearly forget.. you do not like what you see in the mirror.
Liking or accepting yourself today is an essential step in your wealth creation journey.
Accepting who you are now, allows you to forgive what has happened in the past. Remember the past is behind you, there is no going back, just frankly, who would want to go back, the future is far more enticing.
Next, start talking to yourself, forget about the old myths regarding talking to yourself, in the words of Denis Waitley “Relentless, repetitive self-talk is what changes our self-image”. Keep telling yourself you are not a victim of life’s circumstances; tell yourself you are a person of choice.
Whatever that obstacle is that is stopping you progressing you have the choice to move on, so lets go.
Those that have already traveled the pathway to success have done so because they have stopped the self sabotaging; they are people who have developed more changes in their life. They are the ones who have accepted their past, used their mistakes as lessons for the future.
Lastly, successful people are those who don’t just read the self improvement book and put it on the bookshelf, this is just another form of self sabotage. Successful people are the ones that read the book and implement the changes in their life.
It is time to set up the right conditions for yourself, begin by starting to like what you see in the mirror, stop the self sabotage, a world of wealth awaits.
Success is a science; if you have the conditions, you get the result.
Oscar Wilde 1854 1900
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Happiness Takes Work: 5 Choices to Create Happiness
October 10, 2010 By 1 Comment
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. -
All of us have met people who just seem to be happy most of the time.
Perhaps you have assumed that these people are just naturally happy,
or that they are the lucky people who have an easy life, or they had
really loving parents. Most of the time, nothing could be farther from the
truth.
Happy people are making specific choices regarding their thinking and
behavior. Happy people CONSCIOUSLY choose to think and behave in
ways that result in happiness. Unhappy people are UNCONSCIOUSLY
thinking and behaving in ways that create unhappiness.
Following are five of the specific choices that happy people make:
OPTIMISM
Happy people see the glass as half full, while unhappy people choose
to be pessimistic – to see the glass as half empty. Optimistic thinking
does not just happen – it is a choice regarding how you see life.
Optimistic people are optimistic because they CHOOSE to be optimistic.
Instead of allowing their ego wounded self to be in charge with all its
doom and gloom, happy people put their loving adult self in charge and
open to the wonderful possibilities that life has to offer. Happy people
realize that their thinking is the beginning of a creative process that
leads to manifestation. By thinking in positive ways, they move
themselves to act in ways that manifest their dreams.
KINDNESS
Happy people choose to be kind and compassionate toward themselves
and others. Happy people have learned that how they treat themselves
and others determines much of how they feel. Happy people do not wait
to be happy before being kind to themselves and others. They realize
that their happiness is the RESULT of their caring behavior, not the
CAUSE of it. They are kind, caring and compassionate whether or not
they feel like it. They have chosen this way of being, and their happiness
is the result.
FORGIVENESS
Happy people do not harbor resentment toward others, even others who
have been mean and hurtful toward them. They realize that resentment
makes them unhappy, so they choose to allow people their humanness
and forgive them their hurtful behavior. Because happy people tend not
to take personally others’ uncaring behavior, they don’t get their feelings
hurt in the same way that people do who take others’ behavior
personally. Happy people recognize that another’s behavior is really
about that other person, so they move into compassion toward
themselves and others rather than into judgment.
ACCEPTANCE
Happy people realize what they can control and what they can’t. They
live by the Serenity Prayer, accepting the things they cannot change and
changing the things they can. Unhappy people are constantly trying to
change people and circumstances and do not accept their lack of
control. As a result, they are constantly frustrated. Happy people realize
they cannot control others and outcomes, so they focus on what they
can control – their own thinking and behavior. Acceptance of what they
can and cannot control leads to happiness and inner peace.
GRATITUDE
Finally, happy people are consistently grateful for what they have, rather
than complaining about what they don’t have. They notice the many gifts
and blessings that come their way and they frequently express gratitude
for the everyday things in their lives – the beauty of nature, the food they
eat, the smile on a friend’s face, their ability to see, hear, walk, talk. Even
many disabled people who may not have the blessings of eyesight,
hearing, speech or legs are often happy people because they focus on
what they do have and what they can do, rather than focusing on what
they are missing out on.
If you want to be happy, then you need to recognize that happiness is
the result of your thinking and behavior, not the cause of it. If you choose
to focus on becoming conscious of what thoughts and behavior make
you feel happy, you can become a happy person – regardless of your
present circumstances. Happiness does not just happen – it takes work!
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
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Loving the Most Important Person in Your Life
October 8, 2010 By 2 Comments
By Adam Khoo -
I’m sure that there are lots of things that you really love. You may love your parents, your husband/wife, your girl friend/boyfriend and your children. You may love your car, your home or even your new mobile phone.
But let me ask you a question that may seem really weird, ‘do you love yourself?’ Do you love that person you see in the mirror every day? If you find that you have many things in life to be grateful for but are still not happy with, the reason may be because you have not learnt to love yourself.
In order to be HAPPY and SUCCESSFUL, you have to start by loving yourself. The reason why many people feel lousy about themselves and fail to achieve is because they don’t like who they are.
Many people think that they must first become successful before they start loving themselves and their life. In fact, the opposite is true. You must first love yourself before you can become successful. People who love and feel good abut themselves have what is called HIGH SELF-ESTEEM.
The Most Important Person In Your Life Is…
Let me give you the most important reason why you should love yourself.
Imagine that there was someone whom you have to spend the rest of your life with. You had to spend every minute of every day with this person, day in and day out. This person is the first you see when you wake up in the morning and the last person you see when you go to sleep.
This person is there on all your life’s special occasions: your birthday, Christmas, New Year, your wedding and finally, your funeral. This person is there during all of your life’s ups and downs. This person shares your sorrows and your joys.
When you are down, only this person can cheer you up. When you fall, only this person can pick you up. When you set a goal, only this person can give you the motivation and confidence to achieve it. This person will never leave you and is the only one you can truly depend on.
If you didn’t like this person, wouldn’t your life be absolutely miserable? You’d be forever stuck to a person you didn’t like. You wouldn’t be able to do anything! I am sure you can guess that this person is YOU!
YOU are the most important person in your own life.
The Power of Loving Yourself
When you really love someone, you always want the very best for him or her, right? You would do anything for them. You would make sacrifices for them and defend them if anyone speaks badly of them.
The same thing goes when you love yourself.
When you love yourself, you will want the very best for yourself. You would not accept anything less than the best for yourself. You will want the best relationships, the best career, the best partner and the best home. You will not accept being in an abusive relationship. You will not accept being stuck in a job you hate. You will not accept a mediocre life that is going nowhere.
In other words, those who love themselves dream big and set high standards for themselves. At the same time, you would be willing to work hard and make sacrifices for yourself. You will be willing to sacrifice the effort to go to the gym, to read a self-improvement book and to avoid unhealthy foods that are bad for you.
When You Like Yourself, People Will Start to Like You
When I talk about loving yourself, I am not talking about being an arrogant, egotistical braggart who looks at your self every ten minutes and boastfully says, ‘I am the greatest’. Nobody likes people like that!
In fact, people who really love themselves never boast or show off! They don’t need to. They already feel good about themselves inside.
When you like yourself, you will feel good about yourself. You will have the confidence to take on challenges, make friends and be outgoing. You will smile alot and talk positively about yourself and others. People who feel good about themselves see the good in others and give them sincere encouragement and praise.
This confidence and positive attitude will make you really charming and attractive to others. People will start to admire and respect you. People love being around positive people because it makes them feel good as well.
What Happens When You Don’t Love Yourself?
On the other hand, teens who hate themselves tend to remain unhappy and unsuccessful. When you don’t like yourself, you tend to put yourself down, think negatively of yourself and set low personal standards.
Back in secondary school, I remember asking one of my friends Stan which University he was aiming to go for. He said, ‘ I don’t want to go to the university.’ ‘With a university degree, you can get a much better job and live a more comfortable life. You can get success, respect and more money,” I said. He replied, ‘who cares?’
At the time, I couldn’t understand why Stan would not care about his own future. Later I realized it was because Stan did not like himself very much. In his mind, he did not think he deserved a great life. He believed that only other people who were better deserved such a successful life.
So, begin the journey of success and happiness by first loving yourself!
Adam Khoo is an entrepreneur, best-selling author and a self-made millionaire by the age of 26. Over the last 15 years, he has trained over 245,000 professionals, executives and business owners to tap their personal power and achieve excellence in their various fields of endeavor. Discover his supercharged success secrets and claim your FREE bonus report Ultimate Success Formula at http://www.Patterns-Of-Excellence.com
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How to Have More Joy in Life!
September 21, 2010 By Leave a Comment
By Annette Colby -
Imagine being alive from the top of your head, down through the body and out the tips of your toes. Not just alive and surviving, but energized and living the life of your dreams. Turning a so-so life into a passion filled, exciting adventure is possible. However, there is a catch: It won’t happen on its own. If you want the feelings of greater happiness, joy, success, inner peace, and abundance, a necessary adjustment is required. You are going to have to learn to shift your focus from everything that is going wrong and place attention on the necessity of feeling good right now. Here are six tips on how to bring more joy into your life!
Dreams and Goals
Feeling good is about having a dream, not just having the outcome of a dream. Spend joyful time with your dreams and desires even before they become real. Dreams are about self-love and a decision to feel good from the inside out. They reaffirm the beauty and joy of living. Helen Keller wrote, “Be of good cheer. Do not think of today’s failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find joy in overcoming obstacles. Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost.” Dreams provide a sense of purpose; a guiding direction; something to hold onto during life ups and down. Dreams give you the opportunity to feel good, now in this present moment. How? By loving yourself for having a dream, by breathing life into that dream, and by learning to nurture a growing expectation that things will work out well for you.
Joy is Now, Not Later
Your goals and dreams are important because they provide a sense of direction for your life and form a basis for your decisions and choices. However, don’t postpone your joy until the end of your goal. Joy is not going to magically appear like a pot of gold waiting at the end of the goal rainbow. This is because you cannot earn joy. Instead, joy comes from inside of you. It rises up because you consciously chose a specific direction or goal that was important to you, and then you decided to spend energy and effort engaged in bringing your goal to life. Joy is the delight your share with yourself now and each day as you think self-supportive thoughts and take self-empowering actions to create success for yourself.
Permission to Feel Good
As odd as it may sound, it is important to make a conscious decision that you want to be alive and you want to feel good in your life. Until you decide to give yourself permission to feel good, it may be quite difficult to make decisions that support your goal of increasing your joy. Deciding to feel good builds new self-supporting beliefs inside of you. Those new beliefs state, “I exist, I can have what I want, I am supported, I’m good enough, and it is important for me to feel good.”
Make Decisions That Support Joy
Feeling good and increasing your level of joy is something that you allow or do not allow. Each day you make many decisions related to your ability to allow yourself to feel joyful. Actions that support joy include paying attention to what is most important to you, moving personal priorities to the top of your to-do list, and talking to yourself in a supportive and encouraging way. Joy expands as you focus on what is personally meaningful. You can increase your level of joy by asking yourself, “Is the energy I am bringing into the relationship of me and my life allowing me to feel good? Am I taking actions that increase my feelings of empowerment? Do the thoughts I am thinking take me closer to, or further from my goal?” The answers to these questions illustrates how much influence you have over your own ability to allow joy, to nurture it, and to make it important in your life.
Boost Your Energy
Joy is your ability to connect your spirit with your physical life. If you are feeling stagnant, lethargic, bored, or stressed it is time to get your energy flowing. Stand up and shake things up. Take a five-minute walk, get some sunlight, and get involved in some activity that helps you breathe more deeply. Move around a little and take several deep breaths. Consciously and deliberately, take the kind of breaths that say, “Yes” to life, and “Yes” to joy!
Be Kind to Yourself
If you are feeling anxious, stressed, sad, or even depressed, this is a sign that you body is calling out for more support. Some of the best ways to increase your level of joy include sunlight, fresh air, and enjoyable movement. In addition, love yourself and focus on a joyful experience. Acknowledge your efforts and successes. Speak kindly to yourself. Watch movies that inspire or make you laugh. Go for walks outside. Pamper your body. Have more fun. Breathe. Joy is essentially the celebration of your own life.
Gaining more joy can seem perplexing at first, but with practice and a positive attitude, your ability to feel more alive, happier, and more joyful gets much easier. Joy is always around you, in you, and available to you. Follow these ideas and give your joy level a boost today!
Dr. Annette Colby, RD can help you take the pain out of life, turn difficult emotions into joy, release stress, end emotional eating, and move beyond depression into an extraordinary life! Annette is the author of Your Highest Potential and has the unique ability to show you how to spark an amazing relationship with your life! Visit www.LovingMiracles.com to access hundreds of content filled articles and sign up for a Fr’ee subscription to Loving Miracles! newsletter.
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How to Obtain True Happiness
September 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment
By Gerry Hartigan -
The Key to True Happiness
“If I only had more money, I would be happy. If I only had a better job, I would be happy. If I only had a different partner, I would be happy.” Any of these statements ring a bell with you? Many of us equate happiness with something we don’t have so we are always looking to the unreal for happiness. That is a big mistake. People who want more, and then get it, are rarely truly satisfied. Something else moves up on their want list. The problem lies in the fact that we are looking for happiness in something that can’t give it to us. Things will never fulfill us. No matter how hard we try they just can’t do it. They can give us pleasure and joy but not happiness.
Stop to think about your own life up to this point and you will see that most of the times in your life when you have been truly happy have been when you spent time with other people. Happiness comes from sharing life with those you love and care about. Things can add to those times of happiness but they don’t dictate them. Meeting friends for a cup of coffee, playing a board game with your children, having a snow fight. Simple pleasures in your life have probably given you the most happiness. So why do we keep looking ahead to the future and pining for what we don’t have? Because everything around us tells us we are failures if we don’t have this car, or live in this house, or vacation in this resort. Constant bombardment of materialism to tell us our life sucks and we are losers. So what do we do? We go in to debt up to our necks trying to find that ‘happiness’ that the world says it out there just a little bit beyond our reach right now.
What happens when you buy the things and do the stuff you feel pressured to do? It sucks. The expensive car loses its novelty after a month or two, the big house, becomes boring and hard to maintain, the expensive vacation was fun but you’ve had more fun building sandcastles with your kids at your local beach. I am not saying that there aren’t elements of happiness to be found in doing these things and acquiring the nice stuff. What I am saying is don’t depend on that kind of life to give you true happiness. It can’t and it won’t.
True happiness will come when you realize it is within your soul. It comes from inside you as you learn to look at others for who they really are and treat them as special people. They deserve that as do you. You and I are special. Life is made up of special moments with special people. You have to learn to take those moments, breathe them in, enjoy them, relish them, treasure them. If you don’t, they will slip right by you and you will have missed a golden opportunity. Your son calls you to play catch, a wonderful opportunity for bonding and teaching, a time for the two of you to connect in a way no toy or video game can connect with him. If you pass that up so you can do other ‘important things’ then you are the one who loses the most. Your son will lose out on a chance to connect with you and you lose out on a chance to really build into his life.
Don’t allow those moments to escape. Grab them and live them to the fullest. Your kids deserve that, your partner deserves that. Happiness comes from sharing life with others. Many of us are not skilled at sharing with others. Practice makes perfect so if it is difficult for you to share with your loved ones, start today. Force yourself to spend time with people talking and sharing. Listen to them as they speak. Hear their needs, their wants, their desires. The more you learn about someone the more fascinating they become. Sharing intimacy is not only physical; it is also emotional and spiritual. Connect with people on a deeper level and your happiness will increase.
When you truly love someone you can’t wait to rush home from work and be with them In the same way,when you understand the value and joy of spending time with your children everything else fades in comparison. No TV show or mindless game can ever take the place of interacting with your children. Try to develop the habit of looking for ways to spend quality time with those you love and care about. If it is new for you, then you are in for a very exciting time. Your whole life is going to open up and expand in new ways. Maybe for the first time you are going to learn what true happiness is. Being content with yourself will make achieving happiness easier. For the rest of this book I want to help you see yourself as you truly are. I want you to learn to let the real YOU out so that true fulfillment and joy can enter your soul, mind, body, and spirit.
Don’t allow yourself to be discouraged but instead take each challenge and face it head-on. I know you are tired of being an under-achiever. You want what is best for you and your loved ones. You want to change; otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this book. That is the key to success. WANTING to change. The want creates the desire to succeed and from there you can move from success to success. My goal is that be the time you have finished reading this book and applying the principles you will learn, you will be a changed person. Someone different from who you are now. Someone who loves themselves so that you can really learn to love others and be a channel of goodness and love to all those around you. Sounds challenging? It is, but you can do it and the rewards are great for you and all those you come in to contact with so buckle up and starting taking the ride to true happiness.
Gerry Hartigan invites you to take a look at http://www.gerryhartigan.com for more great resources to help you become all you should be. Gerry has traveled to 80 countries and spoken in colleges, universities, seminars, and conferences. Born in Ireland with a great Irish wit. Available for your next event. Gerry is also the author of “The Common Sense Guide to Building Personal Wealth.” “The Keys to an Abundant Life” and, “The Keys to an Abundant Life Workbook.”
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When Managing Difficult People, Don’t Let Pet Peeves Hook You
August 10, 2010 By Leave a Comment
By Alan Fairweather -
Do you have any pet peeves that annoy you about other people?
When I’m running a Managing Difficult People seminar, I ask the participants to make a list of pet peeves that they have about other people, either in their business or personal life.
Some of the participants are reluctant to admit their pet peeves. They believe they shouldn’t have any, or they’re too embarrassed to admit to them. With a bit of encouragement from me, and some of the more outspoken members of the group, we eventually end up with a huge list on the flip chart.
People will talk about things that irritate them about other people, and drive them crazy. Things they disapprove of, find embarrassing, or just don’t like. Here are some of the pet peeves I’ve heard from seminar participants:
Speaking with your mouth full
Bad breath
Body odour
Not saying please or thank you
General bad manners
Answering a mobile phone in the middle of a conversation
Squeezing the toothpaste from the wrong end
Putting a toilet roll on the holder the wrong way around
Untidiness
Bad timekeeping
Smoking
Obesity
Drunkenness
Not looking you in the eye
Slurping food or drink
Not listening
Loud music
Loud people
As you will see, the list goes on and on.
Once we have all these pet peeves on our flip chart, I then ask the group to vote on each one. In a group of, let’s say, 20 people; 12 people might say ‘speaking with your mouth full’ is a pet peeve for them. Another 6 people might say ‘untidiness’ is a peeve for them.
What comes out of this, as you will see, is that not all of us have the same pet peeves. If you consistently arrive late, this can drive some people crazy, while others don’t really care if you’re late or not.
You develop these pet peeves based on how you were brought up; how you were programmed. You probably learned them from your parents and all the other people you grew up with.
When I was a child, I was never allowed to waste food. I had to eat everything that was on my plate before I could leave the table. This programming is so strong, that as an adult I admit to being a bit peeved by people who pick at their food and leave lots on the plate without eating it.
When we interact with other people it is highly possible that we allow our pet peeves to influence that interaction.
I was running a seminar for some bank employees and several of them stated the same pet peeve. They hate when a customer answers their mobile phone in the middle of a transaction or a conversation. Because the bank employee finds this behaviour annoying, it could potentially affect how he or she deals with the customer.
The staff member’s annoyance, albeit slight, may be transmitted to a customer by tone of voice or body language. It is then possible that the customer may become difficult. Any customer’s behaviour, which is a pet peeve for you, may hook you into negative behaviour, and that will potentially cause problems.
The other aspect of this is; we all have pet peeves, however, what may be a pet peeve for you may not be for the other person. You may think that being a bit late with your report is not such a big deal; but the other person does, and that, potentially, causes them to be difficult.
Some food for thought!
Alan Fairweather, ‘The Motivation Doctor,’ is an International Business Speaker, Best Selling Author and Sales Growth Expert. For the past sixteen years, he’s been turning ‘adequate’ managers, sales and customer service people into consistent top performers. He is the author of two books: ‘How to be a Motivational Manager’ A down-to-earth guide for managers and team leaders. ‘How to Manage Difficult People’ Proven strategies for dealing with challenging behaviour at work. To receive your free newsletter and free eBooks, visit: http://www.themotivationdoctor.com
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Free Your Heart From Hatred – The First Step to Happiness
May 13, 2010 By 3 Comments
By Claudia Juarez -
Is hate useful? Is there a good use for hate?
To me, there is. When we hate something or someone, that provokes an array of feelings inside. Those feelings are a sign that something is not good. Big news, huh? I’m not a doctor in medicine but I do know they start an internal chain reaction that end in all sort of illnesses, be them emotional or physical (more often than not). They are a sign of resistance.
We are all scared of changes. We would love our lives to remain predictable so we don’t have to adjust each time to new situation but that’s simply not how life is designed. When we encounter challenges, our body and mind go into alert mode: there is something that doesn’t fit with how we constructed our view of the world.
The healthier and more difficult thing to do would be to work over that challenge, see if it presents an opportunity to better ourselves and if it doesn’t, at least don’t let it stay inside of us.
Instead, what we do most often is to find ourselves ruminating about all the negative aspects it has, all the negative impact it is going to have, how much we’ll deviate from our programmed path and so on. Have you heard that you get what you focus on the most? The more we ruminate about it, the more we focus on it, the more of the negative aspects we get only to start ruminating about it once more and repeat the cycle. Over time, it becomes that visceral feeling we call “hate”. We hate our job, our boss, our workplace, our house etc. We end up getting sick and we add more excuses our our “right” to hate.
What’s the good use then? When we realize we’re inside this cycle, we can stop and think about the cause of our unrest. What is it that we’re resisting? Is there a way to change that resistance into acceptance? Could it be that what we’re resisting can actually make us go forward? Can we capitalize on the situation and make it work for us?
And if we can’t change it and it’s still negative, do we really need to focus and devote so much attention into it? Is there anything else that we could focus on? Usually, when we consciously focus on something more positive, we tend to start shifting our energy. When we do that, our overall life improves. Maybe at first you will have to force yourself to focus on something more positive. When I was really sick last year, I had episodes of acute pain that lasted for hours. At first I would just go something like “I wish the pain would stop, why doesn’t it stop, what can I do/take to make it stop” and dwell upon the fact that I was feeling a lot of pain and that my sickness was because of the stress produced by the people I had to work with who to me where doing all they could to make my life miserable. All that added even more stress to the pain I
felt. It wasn’t until I shifted my focus from pain to whatever else (I would force myself to think of the most trivial things like planning the weekly menu during these episodes) that I started to improve.
So, in a short time after thinking of positive things, we find ourselves focusing less and less into the cause of our hate. One day it no longer has power over us. Then is when we start seeing more possibilities and figure how it can work in our advantage.
When we’re free of hatred, our life is lighter and we’re finally able to see the good things around us that we couldn’t see before.
Claudia Juarez [http://www.motivationemergency.com] BA, Motivation & Career Coach, teaches professionals how to be happier in their lives and jobs from the inside-out through a unique approach to motivation. Discover the 2 THINGS that will recession proof your life at: www.MotivationEmergency.com [http://www.motivationemergency.com]
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