What is Self-Confidence?

By Julia Barnard

‘If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.’ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Confidence is about believing in yourself, giving you the courage to go for your goals. As such, assertiveness is a valuable component of a self-confident person. To reach your goals you need to be able to go for what you want. Tied in with this is having an optimistic outlook. Self-confidence is also about liking yourself and being able to take personal responsibility. Furthermore, having confidence is not about belittling or treading on the needs of others. It is a sure sign of a confident person that they are able to see the good in other people, and support and encourage them without feeling jealous or defensive.

Consider each of these elements and perhaps work on those aspects you feel you have most difficulties with. Without self-confidence, life becomes that much tougher.

Believing in yourself

With confidence, you believe you can succeed. You create goals which you expect to achieve. By believing in yourself it empowers you to relish a challenge and puts you in a position where you can cope with situations. Such self-support is very empowering and motivating. You cannot always rely on other people to say the right things, so self-belief is vital.

Assertiveness

Assertiveness is about being able to stand up for what you believe in. You are able to stand by your decision without giving in to others at the slightest hint that things may get awkward. If you can assert your needs, you will have reduced stress, as you will not feel disappointed in yourself. You will be able to enjoy life, knowing you are taking an active role in it.

Optimistic about the future

Confident people are able to recognise that when bad things happen there is a way out. Just because life isn’t so great right now, does not mean it always will be. Difficulties are regarded as challenges to be overcome. With confidence, a person is able to get up again and keep trying, rather than just giving up. With an optimistic outlook a person is able to accept and embrace the good things that happen. They do not put it down to luck or expect them to be fleeting.

Liking yourself

You really should like yourself. An important ingredient for self-confidence is the realisation of how valuable a person you are. Try to be reasonable with and fair to yourself. Sometimes we treat ourselves worse than our biggest enemy. As such, you should be able to forgive yourself. If things go wrong, it is not the end of the world. Focus on your actions, rather than let it undermine who you are.

Personal responsibility

Having confidence enables you to take responsibility for your life. You are able to recognise how much you are in charge of your thoughts and actions. You do not need to blame others when things go wrong. Instead you are able to dust yourself down and get on with things. Furthermore, you are not bound up with the past and use it as a reason for inaction in your present. Taking responsibility also allows you to recognise your achievements as yours, rather than attributing them to luck or the actions of other people.

Other people

With confidence you feel good enough about yourself that you are able to see the good in others. You do not feel the need to put other people down and try to undermine them. Instead you are able to support them and celebrate their achievements, without envy or comparison with yourself.

To boost your confidence, you want positive people in your life. Those that make you feel good about yourself. Although most of the work comes from within, you want friends that appreciate you rather than are disparaging you all the time.

Copyright Julia Barnard 2007

Julia Barnard is a professional counsellor living in Adelaide, Australia. She provides an online counselling service through her website http://www.makethechange.com.au. Julia also writes articles for the website aimed at enhancing wellbeing and promoting good mental health.

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Staying In Tune with Your Soul While Running Your Business

By Allison Maslan ~

Have you ever impulsively jumped on a great new idea to make money only to find that your enthusiasm dwindled after the first week or two? Have you started a hobby that a friend got you fired up about, dropping a big investment to get started, but soon after you completely lost interest?

In order for an activity or goal to sustain itself long enough to be successful through life’s ups and downs, there must be meaning or a passion behind it. This love of your work, relationship, hobby or practice is the glue that will keep you cherishing your wins and picking yourself up after your losses as you progress on your path toward success. When an activity or goal has meaning to you, you are more likely to give your heart and soul to this cause, making sure that you stay focused, labor over every detail, and absorb yourself in every moment. When you spend time on efforts that really matter to you, it’s much more probable that you’ll make the commitment that’s necessary to build a lasting entity.

Millions of people desire to leave the confines of the corporate world to start their own business. Even though they fantasize about the idea of freedom, they become paralyzed with fear at the thought of leaving a safe, secure job. I talk to people all day that tell me they are feeling empty as if something is missing in their daily lives. They spend three quarters of their lives at a job void of soul and passion. Their creativity and drive are buried so deep within them they feel numb and shut down. The status quo, title and a paycheck are not enough anymore. They have upped the ante. They now want to be inspired and fulfilled with purpose in their home and work life.

Then there are those who have taken the haphazard plunge into a business that they are not passionate about, and find themselves feeling like they have fallen into the drudge of yet another boring job. What was once their mission becomes their biggest nightmare.

After a few years of being disillusioned they opt to throw in the towel. This does not need to happen!

When the purpose of your business matters to you on a deeper level, your efforts will endure. And when you reach your meaningful goals, success will feel like a shining glory. When you have built something you can be proud of, something you are completely passionate about, the satisfaction is not only in the outcome, it’s in the day-to-day process. If you’re only working toward the destination and not reveling in the journey, you miss out on the abundance of life. When you are only focused on the goal , you may find yourself thinking, “Is that all there is?” while feeling empty, sad and bored, and once again, unfulfilled.

What’s the difference between those entrepreneurs who are optimistic and moving forward and those who are just getting by? I believe that much of it has to do with how you view the glass – half full or half empty. George Sheehan (author, track star, cardiologist), once said, “Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.”  People with a positive outlook and a life plan don’t get off the track when things change – they just change tracks.

As a life and business strategist, I spend a great deal of time helping clients tap into their passions, and then guiding them to create a business that reflects their inner purpose and dreams. Particularly in this economy, if you are a business owner that is having some slower weeks or months, it is crucial that you stay connected to your mission and why you started the business in the first place. If the business is only about making money, there is not much heart or soul to draw from to get you through.

Here are a few tips to feeding the soul in yourself and your business.

*Surround yourself with inspiring and motivating people. You may find that your usual crew begins to lean toward the negative side of life when times get tougher. Seek out those people who are supportive of your goals. Join groups or seek counseling to keep you motivated and accountable.

*Be Easy on yourself. Change and transformation can bring up all sorts of good, bad and ugly stuff. When you feel yourself struggling, take a break. When you have small successes, give yourself kudos for all your hard work and continue to move on toward your bigger visions and dreams.

*Start now. You don’t want to look back in ten years and realize that you’re still at the same place in your life then as now. Even if you love your life now, growth is a necessary part of your evolvement on this planet. Every single day of your life is precious. Embrace it, and those you love, to the fullest.

Once you finally connect with something that has meaning to you, and your internal passion regarding this is accessed and utilized, your once deadened perception and reality will be pumped with new and energized life blood. I call this your Secret Spark, a perfect mix of meaning and passion that enlivens your life purpose and gives you the drive and stick-to-it-ness to make things happen. When you discover the soul in your business, your work will become stimulating and fun, and you’ll be immersed in your satisfying activity and lose track of time.

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Your Attitude Toward Positive and Negative Events Will Make You More Resilient

By Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D. -

When your world is disrupted and shaken by adverse events, it can be extremely difficult to believe that the future will be better. But that’s just what the resilient person has learned to do. To be resilient, you must be an optimist who is confident that there is hope and renewal in the days to come and that this period of being under a very dark cloud is not personal, permanent or pervasive.

The optimist understands that bad things happen to everyone, and just because an unwanted event occurs, it does not mean that it was self-inflicted or engineered by a vicious, vindictive force. The optimist believes that there is a statute of limitations on the length of suffering — that the effects of the negative events won’t last forever, and that the storm need not cause a downpour over other aspects of one’s life. Resilience is about combating and even becoming immune to despair. An optimistic attitude provides some of the tools for such a worthy endeavor.

Helen Keller, an extraordinary woman whose optimism was a masterful force in living a life of purpose and fulfillment in spite of her very challenging handicaps, was born on June 27, 1880. At the age of 19 months she contracted “brain fever,” which today would probably be diagnosed as scarlet fever. She suffered a complete loss of her hearing and sight. She lived in a dark, silent, angry internal world until, at the age of seven, Anne Sullivan came to teach her.

After many attempts to communicate, Miss Sullivan (“The Miracle Worker”) broke through the barriers of blindness and deafness by splashing water on Helen’s hands, while simultaneously formulating in her hand the word for water in sign language. Anne Sullivan became a beloved friend, confidante and guiding force in Helen’s life.

Against tremendous odds, Helen Keller achieved great accomplishments as an author, speaker and activist. She modeled courage, persistence and optimism in ways that impressed so many people everywhere. She traveled throughout the world, campaigning for civil rights, womens’ rights, voting rights and world peace. She was a devoted advocate for the blind and handicapped. By viewing her limitations as opportunities to make the world a better place, Helen Keller was a shining example of resilience, optimism and commitment.

She is an inspiration in telling us, “We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in this world,” and that “character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

More information on how to develop your optimism and resilience can be found in my book on Positive Psychology, It’s Your Little Red Wagon… Six Core Strengths for Navigating Your Path to the Good Life (Embrace the Power of Positive Psychology and Live Your Dreams).

Copyright 2009. Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D.

Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D., has spent close to three decades helping individuals thrive and improve their lives through her work as a licensed psychologist, author and life coach. An expert in human behavior and motivation, Dr. Esonis specializes in the burgeoning field of Positive Psychology, the scientific study of optimal human functioning and the core strengths that can lead to the achievement of one’s personally-defined goals.

Her most recent book, “It’s Your Little Red Wagon… 6 Core Strengths for Navigating Your Path to the Good Life (Embrace the Power of Positive Psychology and Live Your Dreams!),” is Dr. Esonis’s contribution to the field of Positive Psychology, presenting proven success factors and strength-building techniques that can lead individuals to a life of purpose, motivation and happiness. It is available on Amazon.com.

Dr. Esonis earned her doctoral degree at Boston College and currently maintains a life coaching practice in the San Diego area. She also teaches Positive Psychology in the Extended Learning Program at California State University San Marcos. To learn more about the power of Positive Psychology and to order her latest book, visit her website at http://www.PositivePathLifeCoaching.com

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The Secret to Happiness – It’s All in Your Head

By Sherry Essig -

If there’s a word that seems destined to provoke fear, anger and sadness, it’s “cancer.” So imagine my surprise when my friend Angela, after being diagnosed said, “I had great news; it’s only stage three.”

Great news?!

It’s all in how you think about it. The facts were what they were. She couldn’t control them. But she could control her attitude.

You can always choose your attitude.

Every day brings a mix of the good, the bad, the routine and the out-of-the-ordinary. But that’s not what determines your experience. Your attitude does… even if that may feel somewhat counter-intuitive!

Your perspective is one of the few things in life that’s 100% within your control.

Change your thoughts, change your experience.

My client Art, a talented photographer and videographer, adopted a simple change in perspective that dramatically changed how he experiences his least-favorite activity: film editing.

While he loves producing his extraordinary museum documentaries, he hated editing hundreds of hours of video down to a mere few hours for a final piece. In fact, he dreaded it so much that it ruined the entire project for him!

Until he viewed editing through a new lens.

His work is exactly the same. But he no longer thinks of it as “beating this piece into submission.” Instead he focuses on how he’s interacting with the film to craft the story. As a result, his entire experience has changed.

Develop a one-track mind toward happiness.

  1. Choose one situation. Focus first on one aspect of your life that’s stirring up strong negative emotions. It could be a task similar to Art’s editing, a challenging relationship, or something at work.
  2. Name your current attitude. Simply describe your view… don’t judge yourself or your emotions!
  3. Identify alternatives. Regardless of the facts, you can choose a variety of reactions. Consider your options and get creative, even wacky, to push your thinking. Move around the room. Step outside and peer through the trees. How would a four-year-old see the situation? How about a ninety year old? Come up with at least five alternatives.
  4. Choose your new perspective. Then practice daily. You’re creating new brain-tracks. It will take time for your new view to replace the old one. Remind yourself by placing sticky notes on your bathroom mirror, in your car, on your desk. Journal about it. Dance around the room three times a day chanting it. Anything that works to keep it top of mind.

It’s not what life hands you that dictates your experience.

It’s how you think about it. Attitude trumps facts. Managing your perspective will go a long way toward helping you get and stay unstuck.

Get Sherry Essig’s FREE “Getting Unstuck and Relieving Stress” kit along with her newsletter, The Way You Live Your Day is the Way You Live Your Life™, at http://www.flow-dynamix.com/getting-unstuck-and-relieving-stress-EZ.

Sherry Essig has over 10 years experience providing business-life coaching services and programs that help professionals live inspired, energized and unstuck. With a career spanning 25 years in the corporate world and running her own business, she knows what it takes to create change at work and in life.

You are welcome to reprint this article as long as you include the entire article and this resource box.

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All About Resilience

wheelchairBy Julia Barnard

How resilient do you think you are? How easily do you bounce back when bad things happen? Do you think you would manage if disability or serious illness were to come your way, or do you think you would buckle under the misery and give up on life? People sometimes say ‘I don’t know what I would do if’. But people do manage, somehow life goes on and for some their life is more satisfying and meaningful than it was previously. You are probably more resilient than you think you are.

I feel confident of your resilience when I reflect on the children I once worked with. They all had physical disabilities, and many of them faced some amazingly complex issues. Yet 99% of these children showed incredible resilience, they got on with their day to day life working hard in school, making friends, enjoying life. In fact, their resilience was taken for granted — the ones that stood out were those who struggled to cope. It seems to me, that resilience is not a rare trait, but something we are all capable of.

Being resilient means being able to cope under stress or pressure or when difficulties come your way. These problems can vary in their enormity: being in a serious accident, facing a natural disaster, not getting a promotion, or even just missing the bus. In life, bad things happen. However, I think knowing you will bounce back means you have already won half the battle. Of course, you may believe you are not the resilient type so what follows are tips to help your strengthen your resilience and to recognise this capability within you.

How do you manage when difficulties come your way? Recall things in your past and what you did to overcome them. Could you have done things differently, so you recovered sooner? Note times when you’ve bounced back in the past. Build on these experiences to help you persevere on your next challenge.

Make sure you know how to recognise and manage your stress. When you feel stress hitting you, two of the easiest ways to help you feel better are exercise and deep breathing. If you are the efficient type, try yoga as this combines the two.

Have the courage to get support. Being able to turn to others for help is also a sign of resilience. Get support from friends, family and community. Today community is world-wide thanks to the internet.

When problems come your way, rather than getting overwhelmed with emotion, take on a problem solving approach. Seek out realistic and attainable solutions that can be quickly implemented.

Recognise how much control you have over how you think and feel and how this impacts on your subsequent behaviour. Be careful how you define yourself. Don’t label yourself a victim. It reduces the amount of control you feel you have. You do not have to be a casualty of your circumstances and earlier life events do not have to derail you. Studies have shown examples of children growing up in difficult circumstances — extreme poverty, parents with mental illness or alcoholism – yet they continued to thrive and do well in school.

Learn an optimistic way of thinking. Know that although things may be tough now, at some point things will be better. Recognise that bad things in life will happen but start now to learn that you will get through it. Be ready for the challenge rather than expect to be defeated. See change as an opportunity, rather than something to fight against.

Copyright Julia Barnard 2010

Julia Barnard is a counsellor and author living in Adelaide, Australia. You can discover more ways to be happy through her book: Promoting Happiness, a workbook to help you appreciate and get the most out of your life.

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Have You Noticed the Optimism of the Olympians?

olympic ringsBy Irene Conlan -

If you are watching the Olympics, you must have noticed how optimistic the athletes are? “Do you think you have a chance of winning a medal here in Vancouver?” “Well, I think I have a really good chance and so do the other members of my team.  I have trained well and so far things are going great,” is a standard answer. Their body language is saying, “Yes! I’m a winner.”  Few seem cocky.But they are confident in their ability to do well.  They are prepared and, yes, they are very optimistic.

What if you asked the question, “Do you think you have a chance of winning a medal” and the response was, “Well, I don’t know. I hope so. I’m going to try.” How would you rate their chance of winning? Probably not as high as the one who said, “Yes” with enthusiasm.

Think about it. Hope and try are failure words.  Hope is defined as  “to desire with expectation of obtainment” and  try means “to make an attempt at”    Optimism, on the other hand,  is “an inclination to put the most favorable construction upon actions and events or to anticipate the best possible outcome.” Hope gives you desire and try gives you what? Perhaps nothing. Optimism is a word that represents more than a mindset. It represents an energetic state that involves your whole being on an ongoing and continuous basis. I can hope for this and I can try to attain or obtain it. But when I’m optimistic my energy announces, “I fully expect this to come about” and most often it does.

Think about these responses to “Do you think you can win a medal?”

  • I certainly hope so.
  • I’m going to try my best.
  • I have trained well. I’m in great condition. I am sking/skating/playing my best. I know I have done all I can do to prepare and ‘yes’ I believe I have a great chance to win a medal.”

Which response holds the power?

Optimism doesn’t just apply to the Olympics or to great feats on a one by one basis. It applies to all of life. If I believe I will accomplish the most, attain the highest, do the best – I will. If I believe I will fail, lose everything, be at the bottom of the barrel – I will.

If I am optimistic – if I send out energy that says, I can and I will – I will reap positive results.

Guess what pessimism brings in.

You have most likely heard the adage, “You reap what you sow.”  You sow grass seed, you grow grass, etc.  If you sow optimism you get optimism and positive outcomes back. If you sow pessimism you get pessimism and negative outcomes back.

Sometimes the Universe is so beautifully simple and clear.

If you are not a full fledged optimist, do this: Be optimistic for one day. Think of the best, expect the best, do your best just for one day and see if it isn’t a better way to travel. It may not win you a gold medal but the returns may be far more valuable.

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Videos for the Week of September 20, 2009

b862What is Optimism? -

Dr. Martin Seligman, professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and Director of the Positive Psychology Center, and founder of the field of positive psychology, answers questions for users of happiness website happier.com. In this exclusive online video, expert Marty Seligman answers the questions: What is optimism? What is the difference between optimism and pessimism? What is the role of explanatory style?
If you are reading this after the week of 9/20/09 click below for the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6mQnJxEqsI

Just for Fun –
Terry Fator was ready to give up trying to make it as a ventriloquist when he won an audition on America’s Got Talent. He won First Place and went on to sign a $50M contract for a five year run at the Mirage in Las Vegas. Another success story. In this video Terry Fator and Kermit the Frog perform James Taylor’s “You’ve Got a Friend”. Outstanding Ventriloquist and Impressionist performance.

If you are reading this after the week of 9/20/09 click below for the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eztcCT9e_jI

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Optimism, Health & Longevity

Ninety years youngBy Ananga Sivyer -

The health press are hot on the trail of positivity of late, as mounting evidence shows that those who live with their glass half full are living longer.

This could be for a variety of reasons, two of the more obvious ones being:

1. that negativity is stressful and gets us down physically as well as emotionally and

2. that the body and mind are expert at manifesting our feelings and expectations.

Simply put, pessimists tend not to expect to live a long and healthy life, and their body may well dutifully arrange things to make it so.

Martin Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania recently conducted a study in which “pessimistic” students were sent to optimism workshops, as a direct result, many of them began experiencing reduced anxiety and paying less visits to the school’s health services department.

The good news :-) , is that optimism is contagious, but we have to be willing to allow that chink of light through the curtains that lift our spirits. This is where support groups and workshops can be of great value, as they can help us learn new skills to pep up our outlook.

Here are a few fun and easy ways to change the way you look at your glass:

make it a game – if you catch yourself having a downcast thought about something, just say “oops” to yourself, look up and arrange your face in a smile and have a think about how many ways you can find to see it differently.

start a gratitude journal – write down every day the things you have in your life to be happy about and grateful for. There’s always something. Write at least three every day and then read through them, pick one and sit back and close your eyes and think about it for a minute. Try and recall it vividly and in detail so you can really feel it.

choose your company carefully – be it people, what you watch, or what you read, be careful who you’re hanging out with. Grumpiness and pessimism can be contagious! Look for company that uplifts and inspires you. If TV is your way of distraction, choose something funny or inspiring rather than the news. And how about trying an inspiring read? Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff by Richard Carlson is a great book for a quick 5 minute mental lift.

Ananga Sivyer is a contributing editor and health consultant for LifeScape magazine and the author of the self-help workbook: [http://www.emotionalfreedomforyou.com]The Art & Science of Emotional Freedom

For more articles likes this or to sign up for her free “Energy Points” E-zine, visit her web-site at: http://www.ananga.net

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Happiness – 7 Secrets in Creating Happiness (Part One)

By Jackson Tan   http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jackson_Tan

1. Be Optimistic – Being optimistic help us to overcome ‘Worry’, the number one enemy to happiness. We can choose to see our glasses as half full or half empty. Learn to hope for the best and not worry about things not going in your way. Studies show that when we become optimistic we become happier. [Read more...]

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Quote of the Day – Aging

The secret of genius is toquote carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm.

- Aldous Huxley

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