Self-Improvement | Personal Development | The Self Improvement Blog

Self Esteem Exercises For the Perfect Marriage

August 28, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

Self esteem in a marriage is something that can be improved by systematic effort by the person itself and by the help and support of the significant other. Below there are 5 self esteem exercises that can be followed by a couple to improve each other’s self esteem and develop a more quality relationship between them.

1. The unconditional acceptance

The complete and unconditional acceptance is the most stable foundation to build the self-esteem. Without self estem, a marriage is left in the hands of our emotions that are a non-permanent element.

2. Forget the past

You need to adopt a positive and hopeful perspective against a background where your partner has proved inadequate. Do not always refer to the past and remind your partner for his/her failures. Forget the past and try to praise your partner’s skills and capabilities.

3. Be careful on what you say

It is unbelievable how much power is contained in the words we speak – what words we use and their effect on people of our environment. The words have the power either to destroy a healthy self-esteem and personality or to reverse the negative image that someone has for himself. In your mouth is”life”and”death”.

4. Be supportive in the difficult moments

Within the storms and problems of your marriage, instead of rejecting each other, it is better to build and support each other. Being supportive will not only raise your partner’s self esteem but it will also improve your self esteem because the feeling you get when you give is one of the factors that can make you feel better and make your self esteem better.

5. Free your partner from the feelings of failure.

Free your partner from the prison of “performance and results”, with the gold key that says “freedom from the fear of failure”. One of the most common reasons that may impact someone’s self esteem is the fear of failure. If you constantly criticise your partner about his/her failures then in the long run this will impact self esteem. Try to be supportive and do not always judge your partner based on its performance and results.

More self esteem exercises on ManageYourLifeNow.com

Low self esteem is bad for your relationship.

Low self esteem is dangerous for your health.

Improve your low self esteem.

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Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: marriage, personal development, self improvement, self confidence, Self Esteem, Stress Management

Feeling Good

June 17, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Christina Fields

It is important in life for us to feel happy with ourselves and satisfied with our life. It isn’t always possible, however, so we have to do all we can to enjoy what life throws at us.We often don’t admit when something is wrong because we might feel ashamed or inadequate. If you manage to nip things in the bud early on, you can prevent far worse conditions setting in.

Admit something is wrong

We often, at times, think, feel and behave out of sorts when we are not on top form, which affects our daily life, relationships and physical health.

Some people find that they can deal with their problem on their own, while others prefer to get help from friends or professionals.

Avoid Negative Thinking

Think positive! Think confident! Don’t let things or people get you down. Negative feelings can eat into us and drag us down, affecting your personality, your career progression, your health.

Personal Development

Keep active, staying self aware and engage in a program of personal development.

Exercise is an essential part of a healthy lifestyle – but make sure it is something that you enjoy doing! Keeping active can help you maintain overall physical fitness, it can also lower the risk of many life-threatening conditions and improve mental and emotional health. The chemicals and hormones that are released in the brain through exercise can help deal with stress and promote happiness. Exercise stimulates a chemical in your brain called serotonin which makes you feel happier and less stressed. Regular exercise can even help with the treatment of depression and anxiety. Incorporating exercise into your lifestyle will also help you sleep better and feel refreshed to tackle the day ahead.

Try to identify the root cause of your negativity. Self-awareness can be developed from learning the arts of meditation, visualisation, alongside a good dose of honest self appraisal.

Personal development is a great way to increase levels of self esteem, improve self confidence and enhance skills and abilities. You can do this by setting goals for improving your life and attitude to life by thinking positive and taking action. Be realistic and motivated.

Best wishes

Christina Fields

http://www.theartofpositivethinking.com

Christina Fields is the creator of the Power Charm Formula and provides all readers with the secrets of The Art of Positive Thinking at her website http://www.theartofpositivethinking.com

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Filed Under: Health Tagged With: being positive, feeling good, help, life-threatening conditions, negative feelings, personal development

How to Motivate Anyone Including Yourself With 7 Minutes and a Cup of Coffee

February 15, 2011 By Admin 1 Comment

By Dr. Richard Norris – (Note: Dr. Richard Norris will be our guest on The Self Improvement Show on Feb. 24)

Do you, your team or organization need to overcome obstacles and deliver results?

Perhaps, you are having issues motivating your team or even yourself?

Do you need to know how to find those elusive “hot buttons” that ignite people into action?

Until a few years ago I would have answered, “Yes” to all of these. Then one day I had an epiphany.

You cannot motivate anyone!

Yep. You heard me. You cannot motivate anyone…except yourself. Think about it.

Motivation is very personal and comes from within us. Let’s look at the definition.

Motivation n: the reason or reasons behind one’s actions or behaviour (Oxford Dictionary)

Whether it is the primal drivers of the need for food and perpetuation of the species as in migrating salmon or it is because you have been made redundant thanks to the recent recession and you are motivated to provide for your family, the reason motivates you. There may be external factors but the driver comes from within.

Now what you can do is inspire others. Inspiration is initiated externally. At its root, inspire relates to “breathing in”. Oxford Dictionary defines inspiration as:

The process or quality of being inspired; a person or thing that inspires.

That is we must breathe it into ourselves first. Breathe in the inspiration and then use it, as the body uses oxygen, to help us to live and wilfully act upon our surroundings.

Inspiration precedes motivation. You need to be inspired and motivated to inspire others to become motivated.

No matter the audience, when I have asked for a show of hands those who could tell me exactly what motivates the people around them at work, rest or play, there has been very few or no hands up. A sad testimony don’t you think. No wonder there is such a chronic need today for effective leadership development?

Now think of Dr Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech. He inspired a movement that was motivated to bring about cultural change. That inspiration came about because Dr King connected with his audience. He connected with them at an emotional and spiritual level. He was giving them the vision that inspired them. The intention was to pass them the baton to make it happen. As leaders know, or most of them anyway, they cannot deliver the vision on their own. They need help.

Share the Dream

So for you to motivate anyone you must first share the dream. Communicate it clearly, consistently, constantly and creatively.

Next help your motivatees to understand their purpose as it relates to achieving the dream, goal or target. Help them to connect with it so they understand their part and how meaningful their part is in the achievement. Help them T.E.A.M U.P. – Together Everyone Achieves More Understanding Purpose.

Using a football analogy, every player has a position and with that position comes role to play (their purpose) in the game plan especially when they understand the importance of working as a team. No game plan. No awareness of their role. Out of position. Bad result.

Key Questions

Here is a question worthy of some significant consideration. Ask yourself. Ask your team.

If we do this in sport, why do we not tend to do it in business or even in at home?

Your role is to understand your purpose and, where relevant, help your motivatees to identify theirs and how it fits into the inspiring bigger picture. Do that and motivation is beginning to take form.

As the late Jim Rohn said, “When the why gets strong the how becomes easy.”

Inspire the team. Power comes when you align the individual’s purpose with the team’s purpose. The individual becomes aware, perhaps for the first time, how key they are to the success of the team or the organization. After all, teams win championships not individuals because they work as a team playing off each other’s skills, knowledge, experience and responsibilities.

Now you might be asking how do you help your motivatees to discover their purpose?

Well, one simple way to gain insight into what may motivate someone is to ask them the following question:

If you had unlimited resource in your life, what would you do?

Everyone is born with a purpose. It is hard-wired into their DNA. Everyone has strengths and gifts that will support that purpose. Regrettably, most people never discover what their purpose, gifts or strengths are. This is a way to draw it out.

Another couple of simple clarifying questions to ask them are:

What comes easy to you?

What’s your dream?

These answers will begin to enlighten you (and hopefully them) as to what those “hot buttons” might be.

Now that we have some lights coming on, what value would it be to you, your team and your organization etc if you had a simple and effective method or tool that enabled you (and everyone else for that matter) to really know what those “hot buttons” really are in about 7 minutes over a cup of coffee?

The Hot Box

Enter the “Hot Box”. Draw it out.

This is a 3 x 3 matrix with:

i.Left to right the headings 90 days – 1 year – 3 years across the top

ii. Top to bottom the headings Personal Goals – Professional Goals – Personal Development Goals

Sit down with your team-mate and work with them to fill in this box.

For illustration purposes, let’s use a work scenario and overlay the success model first devised by Napolean Hill – Be x Do = Have. Who we are combined with our actions delivers the results.

1. Ask them why they go to work. The answer you are looking for is so they can make money so they can invest it in their personal lives to deliver the lifestyle they aspire to.

2. Ask them to fill in 1-3 personal goals they would like to achieve over the next 90 days, 1 year and 3 years. Examples could be an all-inclusive vacation to the tropics or buy a house or start a hobby. This helps you both identify what is driving them, their “Why?” – their “hot buttons”. These are the ultimate results or the “Haves”

3. Help them make the connection between their personal goals and their professional goals. Ask them what they need to achieve in their professional role over 90 days, 1 year and 3 years that will ensure they then have the resources to deliver the personal goals. The answers go in the respective boxes. These answer “What?” they need to do to achieve those personal goals. They represent the “Dos”. If they do not act on these, they won’t get the results they desire.

4. Assuming that as time progresses they desire to grow, help your motivatee to then establish their personal development goals in their professional role. A great question to ask here is, “Who do you need to ‘be’ to deliver your professional goals?” Examples could be they need training to be more productive or to be better at sales or be a better manager. These answer “Who” they need to become and helps identify their development needs. Emphasize the connection between “Who” they need to become with “What” they need to do and “Why” that is so important to them.

Completed this way, you will have a Personal Motivation Plan - a record for yours and their reference at any time. And all it takes is about 7 minutes.

Now there is a piece missing. Do the following and you and everyone else nearby will know what the “hot buttons” are.

5. Once completed, request that your motivatee then obtain a picture that represents each respective Personal Goal and post it where they (and you et al) can see it easily and frequently e.g. a photo next to their phone, computer or car sun visor or an image on their iPhone or as a screensaver. This provides a constant reminder of “Why” they are truly there – for them and for you and for the rest of the team.

6. Now, as and when required, you can hit their “hot button” and reinforce their motivators. Ask a question like, “So, how are you getting on to attaining that dream holiday?” to reconnect them with their purpose. Or comment, “Now that you have made this project so profitable, congratulations on your raise! Now you will have the down payment for that house.” You get the idea.

No Excuses!!

So now are you motivated? Go get some coffee, carve out 7 minute blocks, sit down and pull out the Hot Box. Now you have no excuses. Ask. “Why?” “What?” “Who?” Ignite yourself. Then ignite the team. You will be glad you did. Oh…And please let me know how you get on.

Dr Richard Norris
Your Performance & Legacy Coach
Author of “Hoof it! 7 Key Lessons on Your Journey of Success”

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Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: action plan, goals, inspiration, manageme, motivation, personal development, self development, Success, team

3 Steps to Happiness and Prosperity

January 4, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Loretta Love Huff -

It’s funny how we hold onto discarded things not realizing what that does to trap our energy. What I discovered when I stumbled upon a relic from my past could help you free up some mental and emotional energy to reinvest in your current day-to-day life.

I had just missed participating in a “Sell Your Gold” event at my professional association’s holiday extravaganza.

So when I returned home, I started combing my closets and jewelry cases for items that had lost their psychological value for me that I could turn into cash.

I came upon a beautiful ring case, not even remembering which ring was inside. When I opened it up, I was surprised to find my ‘half’ of a wedding band set my previous husband and I had designed.

The set was laden with Adrinka symbols that had a lot of significance for us and where we each were in our spiritual life journey.

Years later as our marriage faltered and I realized I was more attached to that ring and the symbols of our marriage than our ACTUAL marriage, I knew it was time to go. We separated and divorced. I tucked the ring away, moved on, moved to Phoenix, married my college sweetheart and forgot about the ring.

A few years ago, I stumbled upon the ring and looked at it fondly – not longing at all for the ex-husband, but touched by the symbols and design process that had created the ring years earlier. I put it away again and apparently, forgot about it again.

Last week, in my hunt for buried jewels, I found it once more. This time, my reaction was “Whoo hoo! Bonanza! This will be a great trade in!” There were some remnant memories of the creation process but clearly any attachment I had for keeping the ring was gone. I took a picture, called the gold dealer, got in the car happy and was on my way.

I got a better price than expected. Double Bonanza!

On the drive home, even though I’ve been happily married for almost seven years, I was surprised about the sense of light-heartedness and freedom I felt. Getting that forgotten and years-unseen ring out of my home and life somehow felt like an unexpected Declaration of Independence.

Reminds me of that hair dye commercial based on the South Pacific song, “Gonna Wash that Man/Grey Right Out of My Hair”.

While I hadn’t been feeling the need to wash the ex right out of my hair any longer, once the opportunity arose, it felt great!

So, how does this apply to you?

1. Clean up. Clean out.

Cleaning your environment and life of discarded and unnecessary things, frees up an amazing amount of energy that you can’t anticipate nor appreciate until you’ve done it. So go through your drawers, closets, garage and car to throw out, give away or sell things that are taking up physical space. They’re probably draining your emotional space on an undetectable, subconscious level too. You’ll be energized by their absence.

2. Forgive and move on.

I read a Facebook post on someone’s wall today about the power of forgiveness. The main reason people seem reluctant to forgive is that they think they’re doing something for the object of their resentment. The secret is that forgiveness is just for you. It allows you to at least start the process to ‘wash that memory out of your life.” Forgiveness takes time, but if you’re not willing, you can’t even get started. If you’ve been holding on to any grudges, tell yourself you’re WILLING to forgive and eventually you will. You won’t forget the lessons you learned, but you will regain part of your soul.

3. Give thanks for what you have

Every night I say thanks for the life I’m living. Some people keep a gratitude journal that documents the wonderful things in their lives. Writing makes them more real and less transitory (ergo forgotten). Tell the people around you precisely what you appreciate about them. You’ll lighten their day immeasurably and feel happier yourself. I remember reading a book on loving relationships and one of the exercises involved saying something nice to your partner every day. Not only does that bring more love and joy into the relationship, but by some function of the ego which can’t distinguish between you and ‘other’, makes you feel happier too.

So clean out those closets, brains, hearts and relationships and make room for new, happy and prosperous experiences in your life.

About the Author

Loretta Love Huff, the Dream Leader for Business™, is an award-winning business and executive coach. She helps people and teams EXCEED their dreams.

Visit http://www.emeraldharvest.com to grab your free 5-part e-coaching course designed to inspire you to take action and help you exceed YOUR dreams.

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Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: personal development, personal improvement, stress reduction, work-life balance

Your Self-Esteem and Confidence Impact Your New Year Resolutions

December 26, 2010 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Valencia Ray MD -

It takes self-esteem and confidence to boldly move forward with new goals and plans. It is easy to talk about it and every New Year brings a sense of new possibilities and with it excitement.

In order to get a different result, however, we have to think, feel and act differently than what we have been thinking, feeling and acting. If you keep doing the same old thing, you will keep getting the same old results.

I find that most people are unaware of the powerful role of self-esteem in determining the quality of their lives. Your level of self-respect, your self-concept and self-confidence determines everything from the quality of your relationships, to your health and finances. And, unfortunately, most people are not even consciously aware of all of the negative self-talk and negative media messages that intrude upon their minds every single day. If someone talked about you the way you criticize yourself, you would probably be offended or would avoid his or her company.

Yet, we typically allow the verbal abuse of negative self-talk to go on and on without censorship. The only way to stop this vicious cycle that is a major contributor to sabotaging your life is to become consciously aware of your thoughts and to understand that your level of self-esteem and confidence is simply based upon what thoughts you choose to believe about yourself. And it really is ultimately a choice.

This morning I came across an old book of mine written by an eminent psychologist who is known for his books on self-esteem. His name is Nathaniel Branden and these quotes are taken from his book “How To Raise Your Self-Esteem”. Here are a couple of quotes from Dr. Branden; he says, “Thus self-esteem is the key to success or failure. It is also the key to understanding ourselves and others.” “…I cannot think of a single psychological difficulty…that is not traceable to poor self-esteem. Positive self-esteem is a cardinal requirement of a fulfilling life”.

From my own personal journey, I finally figured out several years ago that the way I love myself will be reflected in how I take care of myself and how I treat others. We all hope for world peace, yet as a whole, we do not understand how the peace we are seeking has to start within, within each one of us. You cannot love your neighbor until you love yourself. If you cannot get along with your own family members, why are we expecting nations to understand and get along together? Nations are composed of individual people, of course.

This new revolution or rather evolution that we see going on in the world, in order to significantly improve the our quality of life has to begin from the inside out. As Dr Brandon also said “One of the most significant characteristics of healthy self-esteem is that it is the state of one who is not at war either with himself or with others”.

Healing our self-perception, will not only build our self-confidence, it can literally heal the world. This is one reason why I am so passionate about this topic. A Happy New Year begins with setting goals to obtain a better understanding of who you really are, and thus creating a happy new YOU!

Valencia Ray MD is a speaker, writer and coach with a focus on integrating Neuroscience with Personal Development. She owned her medical business and was a practicing physician and eye surgeon before selling her business in order to pursue her new career full-time. Her message is filled with the inspiration and wisdom you need to rediscover your passion and create a life you love.

Website: http://www.ValenciaRay.com

Blog: [http://www.TheConfidenceDoc.com]

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Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: confidence, low self esteem, personal development, Self Esteem

How to Create a Self Assessment For Personal Growth

December 8, 2010 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Helena Ritchie -

One of the most helpful tools in charting your personal growth is the self assessment. The self assessment, or “reality check” as it is sometimes called, will give you a birds-eye view of your life at the exact moment you complete it. It’s a great tool to use for determining the starting point in a new personal development plan. It’s also a great tool to chart your progress because when done regularly, they provide you with an overview of your life, your successes and accomplishments. At the same time, they also help to point out any weak spots or areas where you still need to make changes.

Creating a self assessment can be as easy or as complicated as you want to make it. On the one hand, you don’t want it to be so complicated that just the thought of it stresses you out. At the same time, you want to force yourself to have to think about it enough that the results are actually useful.

One of the easiest ways I’ve found to do a self assessment is to simply divide your life into categories such as job, family, relationships, fitness, and any others that you can think of and then rate how satisfied you feel with each on a scale from one to ten. The areas that rank on the lower end of the scale will most likely be the highest priority when it comes to make life changes.

Once you have the areas of your life rated on the satisfaction scale, you can expand your assessment to include in-depth examinations of areas such as your feelings about the state of your life, and the type of changes you might like to make. At the end of your self assessment session you can also take time to brainstorm ideas and plans for making changes. You can also include a space for keeping track of the progress you are making on any goals and projects that you’ve already started working on.

By keeping track of your progress with periodic self assessments you will see exactly how much you are achieving. This can come in handy when you’re feeling like everything is at a standstill. When you look back over past assessments and compare where you were then to where you are now, you’ll surprise yourself with you far you’ve actually traveled on your path of personal growth.

For more personal development tips and articles, visit http://www.theacornstash.com. Don’t forget to grab your copy of The Acorn Stash Personal Development Newsletter while you’re there!

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Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: personal development, personal growth, self improvement, self assessment, self help

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

November 1, 2010 By amaslan 1 Comment

By Allison Maslan, President of Blast Off! Life and Business Coaching -

Editor’s Note: Our radio show premiers on Thursday, Nov. 4 and Allison is our first guest. Be sure to listen. Simply go to VoiceAmerica/World Talk Radio at 12 noon PST (3 p.m. EST)

Would you ask your boss for a raise?
Would you venture out on a new career or start a new business?
Would you stop choosing unhealthy relationships?
Would you stop settling in life because you finally realized you deserve better?
Would you face the issues in your relationship and do what it takes to make it the best ever?
Would you rekindle that childhood dream and finally make it reality?
Would you finally figure out what your passion is and bring it into your everyday life?
Would you challenge yourself to increase your finances to a whole new level?
Would you walk away from all the drama in your life?
Would you choose happiness over worry, anger and grief?

The harm is in your head

Believe it or not, you could completely transform your life if you began to make new, healthy choices. The only harm upon you are the thoughts of fear swimming in your head like a whirlpool. The self-inflicted mental torture is the most painful process of all.

Yes, your biggest fears are merely a figment of your imagination! You have either adopted someone else’s fear, watched it on television, or you were raised in a home that shared the fear freely. If each anticipated obstacle were faced pragmatically, like a child’s first steps, you would find ease even in the falls because they are simply part of the learning curve. “Ok, that hurt my bottom a bit, but I can get up and take another step!”

Living in self-judgment, fear of criticism and fear of failure is a state of imprisonment that is holding you back from embracing life to the fullest. As an adult, you have the choice whether you want to continue living this way. You can choose to live by doing rather than by fearing. The reward: A brand new life!

Did you inherit any of these beliefs?

The world is a scary place.
Better safe than sorry.
Money does not grow on trees.
Do not look at life through rose colored glasses.
I will not amount to anything.
True love only exists in fairy tales.
Opportunities only come to the wealthy.
I am not good enough.
I am not smart enough.
I am not beautiful enough.
I am not thin enough.
I am not successful enough.
I am lazy.
I am not capable.
I cannot do it on my own.
I cannot depend on anyone.
It is never good enough.
It has to be perfect.
You might end up on the street (one of my family’s favorites).
Life is hard.

Any of those sound familiar? Just writing those thoughts feels draining! What would life be like if these thoughts were deleted from your brain chemistry? How different your life would be if your daily thoughts were the complete opposite.

The world is safe and full of beautiful and exciting possibilities.
Money is always available to me and my bank account is growing every day.
I enjoy challenging myself because I know that I can achieve whatever I set my mind to.
Opportunities are falling into my lap on a daily basis.
I am successful at all of my endeavors.
True love is mine for the taking because I deserve it.
I am dynamic.
Perfection is a waste of time and energy.
I am a winner in every realm of my life.
My life is fun and full of new adventures.

Do you feel stuck or trapped?

In time spent with thousands of clients over the years, I have heard many say to me, “I feel stuck and trapped in my current life situation.” To those of you that connect with this statement, I am here to share with you that your idea of being stuck or trapped in your career, relationship, health, financial situation or unfulfilled life is simply not true.

Unless you are literally chained to the floor or locked in a closet, which is highly unlikely, your stuck or trapped perspective is truly an illusion you have chosen to live by. This illusion is a creation of your misbehaving imagination. Yes, it may seem completely real. You can give me all of the evidence and circumstances, and I will say the same thing.

Whatever the data, know that your current situation is simply a belief that you have chose to settle for in one or more realms of your life. Settling can stem from misaligned ideas of your self-worth, fear, self-imposed obligations or the unwillingness to take risks.

As a child, you may have been a victim. As an adult, you can make the choice not to be. Once you take responsibility and choose to move forward, there is an abundant world waiting for you.

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: motivation, personal development, self improvement, self help, Success, vis

Happiness Takes Work: 5 Choices to Create Happiness

October 10, 2010 By Guest Contributor 1 Comment

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. -

All of us have met people who just seem to be happy most of the time.

Perhaps you have assumed that these people are just naturally happy,

or that they are the lucky people who have an easy life, or they had

really loving parents. Most of the time, nothing could be farther from the

truth.

Happy people are making specific choices regarding their thinking and

behavior. Happy people CONSCIOUSLY choose to think and behave in

ways that result in happiness. Unhappy people are UNCONSCIOUSLY

thinking and behaving in ways that create unhappiness.

Following are five of the specific choices that happy people make:

OPTIMISM

Happy people see the glass as half full, while unhappy people choose

to be pessimistic – to see the glass as half empty. Optimistic thinking

does not just happen – it is a choice regarding how you see life.

Optimistic people are optimistic because they CHOOSE to be optimistic.

Instead of allowing their ego wounded self to be in charge with all its

doom and gloom, happy people put their loving adult self in charge and

open to the wonderful possibilities that life has to offer. Happy people

realize that their thinking is the beginning of a creative process that

leads to manifestation. By thinking in positive ways, they move

themselves to act in ways that manifest their dreams.

KINDNESS

Happy people choose to be kind and compassionate toward themselves

and others. Happy people have learned that how they treat themselves

and others determines much of how they feel. Happy people do not wait

to be happy before being kind to themselves and others. They realize

that their happiness is the RESULT of their caring behavior, not the

CAUSE of it. They are kind, caring and compassionate whether or not

they feel like it. They have chosen this way of being, and their happiness

is the result.

FORGIVENESS

Happy people do not harbor resentment toward others, even others who

have been mean and hurtful toward them. They realize that resentment

makes them unhappy, so they choose to allow people their humanness

and forgive them their hurtful behavior. Because happy people tend not

to take personally others’ uncaring behavior, they don’t get their feelings

hurt in the same way that people do who take others’ behavior

personally. Happy people recognize that another’s behavior is really

about that other person, so they move into compassion toward

themselves and others rather than into judgment.

ACCEPTANCE

Happy people realize what they can control and what they can’t. They

live by the Serenity Prayer, accepting the things they cannot change and

changing the things they can. Unhappy people are constantly trying to

change people and circumstances and do not accept their lack of

control. As a result, they are constantly frustrated. Happy people realize

they cannot control others and outcomes, so they focus on what they

can control – their own thinking and behavior. Acceptance of what they

can and cannot control leads to happiness and inner peace.

GRATITUDE

Finally, happy people are consistently grateful for what they have, rather

than complaining about what they don’t have. They notice the many gifts

and blessings that come their way and they frequently express gratitude

for the everyday things in their lives – the beauty of nature, the food they

eat, the smile on a friend’s face, their ability to see, hear, walk, talk. Even

many disabled people who may not have the blessings of eyesight,

hearing, speech or legs are often happy people because they focus on

what they do have and what they can do, rather than focusing on what

they are missing out on.

If you want to be happy, then you need to recognize that happiness is

the result of your thinking and behavior, not the cause of it. If you choose

to focus on becoming conscious of what thoughts and behavior make

you feel happy, you can become a happy person – regardless of your

present circumstances. Happiness does not just happen – it takes work!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

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Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: Happiness, inner peace, motivation, personal development, self improvement, Self Esteem, self help

Loving the Most Important Person in Your Life

October 8, 2010 By Guest Contributor 2 Comments

By Adam Khoo -

I’m sure that there are lots of things that you really love. You may love your parents, your husband/wife, your girl friend/boyfriend and your children. You may love your car, your home or even your new mobile phone.

But let me ask you a question that may seem really weird, ‘do you love yourself?’ Do you love that person you see in the mirror every day? If you find that you have many things in life to be grateful for but are still not happy with, the reason may be because you have not learnt to love yourself.

In order to be HAPPY and SUCCESSFUL, you have to start by loving yourself. The reason why many people feel lousy about themselves and fail to achieve is because they don’t like who they are.

Many people think that they must first become successful before they start loving themselves and their life. In fact, the opposite is true. You must first love yourself before you can become successful. People who love and feel good abut themselves have what is called HIGH SELF-ESTEEM.

The Most Important Person In Your Life Is…

Let me give you the most important reason why you should love yourself.

Imagine that there was someone whom you have to spend the rest of your life with. You had to spend every minute of every day with this person, day in and day out. This person is the first you see when you wake up in the morning and the last person you see when you go to sleep.

This person is there on all your life’s special occasions: your birthday, Christmas, New Year, your wedding and finally, your funeral. This person is there during all of your life’s ups and downs. This person shares your sorrows and your joys.

When you are down, only this person can cheer you up. When you fall, only this person can pick you up. When you set a goal, only this person can give you the motivation and confidence to achieve it. This person will never leave you and is the only one you can truly depend on.

If you didn’t like this person, wouldn’t your life be absolutely miserable? You’d be forever stuck to a person you didn’t like. You wouldn’t be able to do anything! I am sure you can guess that this person is YOU!

YOU are the most important person in your own life.

The Power of Loving Yourself

When you really love someone, you always want the very best for him or her, right? You would do anything for them. You would make sacrifices for them and defend them if anyone speaks badly of them.

The same thing goes when you love yourself.

When you love yourself, you will want the very best for yourself. You would not accept anything less than the best for yourself. You will want the best relationships, the best career, the best partner and the best home. You will not accept being in an abusive relationship. You will not accept being stuck in a job you hate. You will not accept a mediocre life that is going nowhere.

In other words, those who love themselves dream big and set high standards for themselves. At the same time, you would be willing to work hard and make sacrifices for yourself. You will be willing to sacrifice the effort to go to the gym, to read a self-improvement book and to avoid unhealthy foods that are bad for you.

When You Like Yourself, People Will Start to Like You

When I talk about loving yourself, I am not talking about being an arrogant, egotistical braggart who looks at your self every ten minutes and boastfully says, ‘I am the greatest’. Nobody likes people like that!

In fact, people who really love themselves never boast or show off! They don’t need to. They already feel good about themselves inside.

When you like yourself, you will feel good about yourself. You will have the confidence to take on challenges, make friends and be outgoing. You will smile alot and talk positively about yourself and others. People who feel good about themselves see the good in others and give them sincere encouragement and praise.

This confidence and positive attitude will make you really charming and attractive to others. People will start to admire and respect you. People love being around positive people because it makes them feel good as well.

What Happens When You Don’t Love Yourself?

On the other hand, teens who hate themselves tend to remain unhappy and unsuccessful. When you don’t like yourself, you tend to put yourself down, think negatively of yourself and set low personal standards.

Back in secondary school, I remember asking one of my friends Stan which University he was aiming to go for. He said, ‘ I don’t want to go to the university.’ ‘With a university degree, you can get a much better job and live a more comfortable life. You can get success, respect and more money,” I said. He replied, ‘who cares?’

At the time, I couldn’t understand why Stan would not care about his own future. Later I realized it was because Stan did not like himself very much. In his mind, he did not think he deserved a great life. He believed that only other people who were better deserved such a successful life.

So, begin the journey of success and happiness by first loving yourself!

Adam Khoo is an entrepreneur, best-selling author and a self-made millionaire by the age of 26. Over the last 15 years, he has trained over 245,000 professionals, executives and business owners to tap their personal power and achieve excellence in their various fields of endeavor. Discover his supercharged success secrets and claim your FREE bonus report Ultimate Success Formula at http://www.Patterns-Of-Excellence.com

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Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: loving yourself, motivation, personal development, self improvement, Self Esteem

Coming From Ground and Center

September 23, 2010 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Val Wilcox -

“Grounding and Centering” is a visualization and meditation exercise you can use to focus yourself on the present. You learn to feel more whole, more aware while being able to balance yourself. This exercise can be used whenever you are stressed, worried or nervous. When you can step into this state of being, it helps you to Live in the Moment. Being Grounded and Centered are essential parts of Living in the Moment.

“Coming From Ground and Center”

To practice this exercise, give yourself a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed. It takes practice to accomplish this exercise so be gentle and patient with yourself. Never push yourself, let the feelings flow. Quiet your mind and allow the feelings from your Center come through.

Begin by standing or sitting comfortably: Place your hand just below your belly button and start deep breathing. Deep breathing involves relaxing your stomach and letting your breath down into your belly. Imagine it flowing down into your toes as your belly expands. Do you start to feel different? Some people find this sort of deep breathing unnatural. To learn it, breathe so that your belly pushes your hand out. Practice regularly, so that it becomes easy and natural.
Close your eyes: Imagine your breath pushing down through the base of your spine, through your feet, like a tree pushing down its roots. Imagine those roots pushing down through the floor and into the soil below. Imagine they can feel something of the quality of the earth, what grows there, and how healthy it is. Push down through the waters under the soil, down through the bedrock, and down into the center. If there’s still any tension or fear, let that go through your “roots”. For some people, imagining that there is a fire at the center of the Earth and throwing negative feelings into the fire helps to make those feelings dissipate.
Imagine you can draw some of that fire up: Feel it as the earth’s living creative energy, and bring it up through the rock and the water and the soil. Bring it into your legs and feet, like a tree’s roots would draw up water and nutrients. Bring it up your spine and imagine your spine growing like a tree trunk, reaching up to the sky. Bring some fire into your heart, into any place inside you that needs healing or extra energy. As you imagine the growth and energy flowing into you, raise and open your posture and re-focus on your breath.
Direct the energy up through your arms and out of your hands, up through your neck and throat and out the top of your head: Visualize branches of energy that reach up to the sky, and let them spread around you and reach back down to touch the earth, creating a protective filter around you. Take a moment, look at that energy web, and notice if there are any places that need to be repaired or strengthened. Send energy in that direction.
Imagine the energy of the sun, shining down on your leaves and branches: Breathe deep; draw that energy in. Breathe it down through your leaves and branches, down through your heart and your belly and your hands. Take it in, feed on it like a tree feeds on sunlight.
Imagine your feet have sticky roots: Let them sink into the earth and then release when you start to move. Walk around a little. Feel connected with the ground. Feel the imaginary roots grip and release.
Stretch your arms out to your sides as you move, as far as they’ll go, until you can’t see your hands if you look straight ahead: Now wiggle your thumbs, and slowly bring your arms in until your thumbs are just visible on the edge of your peripheral vision. Notice how wide your field of vision can be. As you walk, breathing deep, grounded, activate that peripheral vision. Know that you can be aware of what’s going on around you.
Come back to stillness: As you breathe, feel where it is in your body this grounded place seems to live, and touch that place. Can you find an image for this grounded state? A word or phrase you can say? When you use these three together-touch, image, and phrase- you create an anchor to help you ground quickly in any situation.

Do you notice a difference? Coming from this place of balance may change your perceptions and thoughts when interacting with others. Think of instances in your life where this would be beneficial.

Remember, the more you practice grounding, the more automatic it becomes. If you take even a few minutes a day to practice, you’ll not only have better energy in your daily life, you’ll be able to ground quickly and instantly when you’re in a tense situation.
If Ground and Center exercises seem to take too long, you may be trying too hard, or you may be achieving Ground and Center without recognizing it. If this happens, do something else for a while and try again later. To Ground and Center is a skill, like any other, which only gets easier with practice, so practice often.
Notice whether you are making eye contact with the people you pass. Keep breathing, stay grounded, keep your awareness wide, but now also make eye contact with each person you pass. How does it feel to be this present in a situation?

Are you ready to add this practice to your daily life? Energizing and balancing your thoughts and clearing stress and tension could bring clarity of purpose to your life.

“Everything in life,… has to have balance.”

Donna Karan

To access more posts by Val Wilcox, please visit http://www.valwilcox.com
Stop on over to pick up a FREE copy of my newest book – Change Your Mindset…Change Your Mind

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

Have an awesome day!

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Filed Under: Health Tagged With: clarity, empowerment, Ground & Center, meditation, mindset, personal development, self improvement

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