Self-Improvement | Personal Development | The Self Improvement Blog

Love Yourself in 10 Steps

September 16, 2010 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

Self-love is perhaps the most powerful tool we have in dealing with the pressures and problems of society. If you love yourself, you are able to accept yourself for who you really are: strengths and weaknesses, perfections as well as flaws. Warts and all. And through this self-acceptance, you are able to determine your own self-worth, and realize that you as a human being have value.

If you love yourself, the emotional bonds you make will be deeper. Much deeper. Because without self-love, any connections you make, whether they be friends, partners, children, or parents are essentially hollow.

But don’t be fooled be the title; learning to love yourself is not easy. Simple, perhaps. But not easy. It is a difficult process, especially for those who have created such distorted views of themselves that they can no longer stand in front of a mirror without feeling ashamed, angry or embarrassed.

I have created a simple 10 step guide to make the process of learning to love yourself a little bit easier:

1. Wake up! Make a conscious decision to change for the better. Realize that the only one in control of your life is you. Take responsibility for your actions and know the power to love yourself rests with you, and you alone.

2. Stop trying to be perfect. Nobody is perfect. Nobody. So why should you be? Beauty lies in imperfection; it’s what makes you an individual!

3. Forget what popular culture tells you. You don’t have to wear a particular brand to be “cool”, you don’t have to look a certain way to be “hot” and you certainly don’t need a Ferrari to be “happy”. So stop trying to conform to these ideals. Realize that you are beautiful just the way you are.

4. Forgive yourself. Mistakes are in the past. And unless you have a working time machine, that means they cannot be changed. So take responsibility where responsibility is due, accept whatever the consequences of your actions are and move on. Think about it this way: if you hadn’t made the mistake, you never would have had the opportunity to learn from it.

5. Let go of your worries. Worrying never helped anyone. In fact, it is one of the first obstacles you must overcome in learning to love yourself. Rather than worry about something, act on it. If you can’t act on it, then it’s not worth worrying about anyway!

6. Be emotionally honest. Be truthful to yourself about how you feel. Acknowledge guilt, sorrow and depression as well as joy, enthusiasm and elation. Emotional honesty allows you to regulate and control these emotions and makes it much, much easier to love yourself.

7. Be authentic. Don’t be afraid to show people who you really are. This takes real courage but is key in learning to love yourself. People who hide their true identities end up living hollow existences. Don’t be one of these people.

8. Stop looking for flaws in your character. Rather acknowledge your strengths. Make these strengths your defining qualities; let them be the first things that come to mind when you think about yourself.

9. Be grateful. Gratitude is an essential component to self-love. Be grateful for everything you have. If you’re look at this article, it means you have a computer, electricity and you are able to read. That means you’re already better off than half the world’s population!

10. Know that you are special. Out of all the millions of sperm cells, you were the fastest and strongest. Not only does that mean you are very very lucky, it also means that you accomplished a feat more amazing than any Olympic athlete. And that makes you mighty.

Following these steps may not transform you into a beacon of self-love overnight, but they will go a long way in healing any negative self-image you may have, as well as providing a significant boost to your self-esteem. And maybe, just maybe, they will enable you to love yourself just a little bit more.

Jay Miles started writing on the internet after a trip to South-East Asia changed his life in a very real, very fundamental way. After a chance meeting with a legless beggar on the streets of Bangkok, he was given a completely different outlook on the world and life in general.

With this newly-found perspective, Jay aims to live his life with one overriding theme: love yourself. You can check out Jay’s blog here: http://mindthe-gap.com/

Or, if you want to jump straight to his newest post, “Living the Impossible”, you can do so by clicking the following link: http://mindthe-gap.com/?p=41

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Being the Love You Seek

September 10, 2010 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Elliot Zovighian -

We all have these expectations on what we want our relationships to be. Everyone is a little different, but we still have the same fundamental desires… love, respect loyalty, and support. Although we may be looking for this in our partners, it is what we should be seeking within ourselves. As relationships are a reflection of who we are and what we settle for in ourselves.

Vulnerability isn’t a dirty word!

We have to stop thinking that being sensitive and vulnerable is bad thing. We are all afraid of being hurt. Love hurts because we cared so much, and there is nothing wrong with believing in someone, and trying your best. Sometimes it doesn’t work out, but it should never be something we feel angry or ashamed about. It’s happened to us all and they are valuable lessons taking us closer to the truer love we were meant to experience.

Walking the talk

No one is perfect. We all have our flaws. If we are meant to have this wonderful Utopian love life and relationship we dreamt of then we have to be the willing partner. It’s not about waiting to see if it comes in return. Be the love you want. Give the respect you want. Not from jaded hearts, and suspicious eyes that look for some imaginary emotional garbage at every turn. Life is what you make it. So is love. Be the love you want in return. If it isn’t returned… walk.

Live in the moment

Some people are so cautious. They take every step in fear and in doubt. Open yourself to be receptive to the love that embraces you. Accept the imperfections within yourself and your partner and stop sweating stuff that you manufacture in your mind, because you seek and ideal, not something that is real. Make love fully in the moment. There is nothing greater than being in the arms of your partner fully lost in the passions of the moment, surrendering to the love. When you can free your mind, you can free your physical manifestation of your love, and be in unison with your partner on every level.

Love is a reflection of who we are. It is what we want it to be. If we want to this great love that we’re all told we are to experience once in our lifetimes then we have to embrace it within ourselves so that we attract it from others. Love is inside us to give. Yet, we are the ones who taint it, and we are the ones who cage it. Once you fall in love with the love deep inside you, then you will truly never settle for less.

Elliot Zovighian is a life coach, speaker, author, blogger is the owner of EZ Lifestyles, a life coaching company from Toronto, Canada. His daily blog offers articles and advice on such subjects as life skills, work and career, relationships, parenting, featured videos and more. http://www.ezlifestyles.ca

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Filed Under: Love Tagged With: ezlifestyles, Happiness, honor, live in the moment, Love, passion, personal development, reflection

The Joy and Excitement of Living

September 3, 2010 By kzane Leave a Comment

By Willie Horton -

Years of psychological research suggests that we are not living life to the full. This research concludes that we go through the motions of daily life, using the faculties of automaticity (to enable us perform almost everything mindlessly), categorization (so that we can pigeonhole every new experience or person that we meet and, in the process, experience nothing new) and recognition (the mental process whereby we try to make sense of what our senses are telling us by using our own “stored knowledge” the greater part of which is decades out of date). We “live life” on auto pilot – and I don’t call that living at all.

In fact, the normal adult, in using these normal, standard mental capabilities, is slowly sucking the life out of themselves every single day of their so-called lives. This slow and mind-numbingly “not-too-bad” self-destruction started in childhood when we were told to conform, to sit up straight, to stop making noise, to stop doing the things that we enjoyed, to stop letting out minds wander and to steer well clear of any fanciful ideas for our future – we needed to get a good education, get a good job, retire and die! As children, our spontaneity, our joie de vivre, our unbridled imagination ruled our lives. These were the things that created the excitement, made life fun and that made long sunny summer holiday days seem to go on for ever. As children – up to the age of eleven or twelve – we were in what the University of Chicago describes as “flow” – we were what our youngest daughter would call “gurdy”. As young children, our lives were carefree, open to all kind of possibilities, exciting and adventurous.

Contrast that with the normal everyday life of the average normal adult! How many of us can truly say that we leap out of bed bursting with excitement every morning? How many of us can say that we live carefree lives? How many of us are fully open to all life’s wonderful possibilities? You may well say that we have to grow up – but, I’m pretty sure that the record (years of psychological research) shows that people grow older – they rarely grow up. Because if you did bother to grow up, you’d be able to control your state of mind. You could choose to be fun-loving, carefree, spontaneous, turned on and open-minded. You could decide to leap out of bed, bowled over at the prospect of the day ahead. You could choose to be open-minded and alert to all life’s wonderful possibilities.

Unfortunately, though, the progression through adolescence changed the electrical activity in our brains. As our network of neural connections reached “fully adult operational” – our mental processes sped up and our logical processes took over. Or at least that’s what the normal person thinks! However, there’s nothing logical about worry – akin to wishing the worst for yourself! There’s certainly nothing logical about stress – obvious when you consider that stress only exists in the mind of the sufferer – we make ourselves stressed. And, believe you me, there’s nothing logical about closing your eyes to today’s opportunities – but if you’re pigeonholing everything that happens before you even experience what’s going on, you will simply never notice the opportunities that are staring you in the face.

This how we behave as adults – our normal subconscious minds living in and longing for those sunny summer holiday days – our conscious minds distracted by the cares and worries of what might happen – instead of focusing, fully focusing as we did as children, on the here and now. We’re slowly killing ourselves – the normal adult, existing in this half-life of useless thought and worry is as good as dead.

But it can be completely different and the great news is that you’re the one who decides – you do not need anyone’s permission or approval. Your life is entirely in your own hands. It is you who can decide to become like a little child again – not childish, but clear, focused, open-minded, fun loving, up for life’s great adventure. It’s entirely up to you to choose your state of mind – didn’t you know that you choose your own thoughts and that your thoughts become things. It is you who can decide to come to your senses – revisit reality by seeing, feeling, hearing, smelling and tasting. Yes, this is how we experienced the wonder of the moment as children. We didn’t make up our minds on what we were experiencing based on the “stored knowledge” of preconceived notions and so-called logical thought patterns – we jumped in, splashed around – we simply let ourselves go.

You’ve got to let go too – of all the crap that’s in your head. You’ve got to come to your senses – see, feel, hear, smell and taste what’s really happening. Break the chain-reaction of normal adult recognition, experience what’s really going on. Today, right now, when you finish reading this article, stop to “smell the roses” and you will have taken the most important action for today – you’ll have taken a definitive step towards living life to the full, in the here and now, where it’s meant to be lived.

Willie Horton enables his clients live their dream – since he launched his acclaimed Personal Development Seminars in 1996. His clients include major corporations: Pfizer, Deloitte, Nestle, Wyeth, KPMG, G4S & Allergan. An Irishman, he lives in the French Alps and travels the world as a much sought after speaker and mentor. In 2008 he launched Gurdy.Net home to his Online Personal Development Seminars, Change Your Life & No More Stress

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Filed Under: Relationships, Self Improvement Tagged With: Happiness Success, Live Your Best Life, Motivational Articles, personal development, self improvement, Tr

Mind Body Spirit and the Power to Achieve Happiness and Success

August 23, 2010 By Guest Contributor 1 Comment

By Willie Horton -

Very often I find it difficult to explore some of the key concepts in what might loosely be described as personal development or self improvement, given that ordinary language and words prove wholly inadequate. For example, do the words ‘universal energy’ adequately capture the reality that you and I are simply vibrating energy, that we live in a world and universe comprised solely of vibrating energy and that all that energy is highly responsive? Does the sobriquet ‘Law of Attraction’ mean different things to different people? And where do the boundaries lie between mind, body and spirit?

In fact, of course, there are no boundaries between mind, body and spirit just as there are no limits between you and I as individuals and the universe of which each of us comprises an integral and indispensable part. Not only are we part of a whole, when it comes to us as individuals, there is just one – mind, body and spirit are simply indefinably different aspects of the one. This is important because, when one looks at the facts in this manner, it becomes blindingly clear that what we are thinking, in other words what is going on in our minds, has an immediate and direct impact on how we feel, spiritually and physically. For example, when one dissects the apparent reality of stress and its very real physical consequences, we find that our thoughts directly cause shifts in body temperature and heart rate, changes in the production and release of a whole range of chemicals all of which, if unchecked, lead to serious illnesses – such as heart attack and stroke – and, if seriously out of control, can lead to premature death.

The point that I am making is this. Our state of mind has a direct impact on the state of mind of those around us – this has proven time and again by research in the field of psychology over many years. How much more does our state of mind affect us, ourselves? Your health, fitness and wellbeing are all direct consequences of your state of mind. Even your weight – your ability to gain too much of it or a variety of eating disorders from bulimia to anorexia – is a direct consequence of what is going on in your head.

And what is going on in your head is directly within your own control – or should be if you take the trouble to make the simplest and, ultimately, most powerful decision that we can all make as responsible adults – choosing your own thoughts. As things stand, your normal mind is plagued with inappropriate thoughts, most of which are derived from your subconscious mind. Research has concluded that the normal subconscious focuses on the events of our formative years and is more likely to focus on negative rather than the positive events – things that happened many years ago that made us feel bad about ourselves then and which, through being replayed are still making us feel inadequate. That, sadly, is our default state of mind. Of course, just because that’s the default doesn’t mean that we cannot control as to what we will or will not pay attention to.

Ultimately, you are your own master. Your life – every single aspect of it – is dictated by the thoughts that you’re paying attention to. This is happening whether you’re aware of it or not. The ultimate and powerful decision that I’ve just mentioned can be taken, day to day, moment to moment, by choosing to pay attention to the actual sensory experience of the here and now instead of letting your mind subconsciously wander to the stuff that’s hurting you. If you do not take this action, your mind will continue to hurt you. Taking this decision is the only sure-fire way of preventing your own subconscious dwell on the self-destructive thoughts that we all have to a greater of lesser degree. No other way is more effective. No other way has the power to completely transform your health, your fitness, your wellbeing, your personal effectiveness and, ultimately, your ability to live a life of peace, happiness and effortless success.

Strong words – and, for once, words that are not open to dozens of different interpretations! The choice is stark – it’s a life and death decision because if you’re not living your life to the full you might as well be dead. Don’t leave your fate in the hands of a subconscious mind that always has its finger on the self-destruct button. Grow up – take responsibility for your own life and start living it to the full. While the decision to choose your own thoughts is transformational, we’re not talking about any breathtaking leap of faith here. No one is asking you to jump off a cliff blindfolded and trust in the universe to catch you. We’re talking about stopping – right now – noticing what you’re thinking (or where your mind thinks it is!) and deciding, not on a counter thought, to focus on now. You could focus on your breathing – that’s happening now. You could focus on the wind blowing through your hair. If you’ve no hair, you’ll always find something else to focus on!! We’re talking about coming to our senses. Because, in doing so, we will stop making a nonsense of our lives and start being all that we can truly be.

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Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: Choose Your Thoughts, mind power, Mind-Body-Spirit, personal development, Power of Now, self improvement

Personal Development Turned Upside Down

July 24, 2010 By Guest Contributor 4 Comments

By Angelo Campione -

This may ruffle a few feathers but one of the key reasons why most of people don’t notice any real shifts from doing traditional Self Help or Personal Development type programs is because the focus is on symptoms rather than the underlying imbalances.

If you don’t have enough money, it’s not a money problem, it’s an imbalance in how you feel about money. If you don’t have a good relationship with your partner, it’s not a relationship problem, it’s an imbalance with how you feel about relationships.

The issue with personal development is that it implies that as a person, we’re deficient and need to be developed into something else (better). In other words, we have one set of symptoms and we need to have a better set of symptoms.

To understand this, consider that from the moment we’re born, we are creating an identity for ourselves (a story), trying to understand the environment we’re in, this is the way the human mind works. This data gathering happens up to around the age of 5, at which point the base identity is in place.

We now have a basic understanding of how we fit within our environment and what we need to do to survive. From this point onwards, everything we experience is interpreted from that basic understanding, even when we become adults!

It’s for this reason that often when people get angry, the behavior becomes childlike, the core survival mechanism that was developed in the early years is triggered and the situation is dealt with in the only way that person has been preconditioned to deal with things.

This often leads to a general unhappiness for life and the desire for better circumstances. This is usually the point at which personal development comes along to help the person resolve the unhappy story, for a happy one.

I’ll say that another way, there’s one story where unpleasant things keep showing up and we then start looking for better story in the hope of finally living a good life through good things showing up.

It’s natural to want a good life, there’s nothing wrong with that, it just helps to know that you are whole right now and that there’s greater part within that has been covered up, up to now.

If you doubt this, look at a contented baby, they emanate joy and you find yourself smiling simply by looking at them. They remind us of the joy that’s in our own hearts and so if we know that joy already, it means that the only reason that we’re not experiencing it right now is because we’ve blocked ourselves off to it!

The process then is discover that part of us that is covered under the layers of story that was put in place from childhood. In this sense, what we’re wanting is “Self discovery”, where we find our true essence, that foundation that provides the security to take confident steps in the world.

This is where I believe the personal development world is moving to. It’s the integrity we’re looking for and it takes care of the imbalances automatically. This is the foundation we all want and it goes beyond whatever you think the outside world can provide. If you find this of interest, go to http://www.foundationalwealth.com

Angelo Campione has real life experience of dealing with emotional pain and now walks the path that has him live a life of purpose, joy and freedom. He currently has an online Mindfulness Series free of charge that goes through a step-by-step process of not only helping people understand themselves better but also giving them tools to help them find their own Truth.

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Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: foundation, growth, personal development, safe, secure, self improvement

Personal Development and Self-Discipline Are the Secret to Enjoying a Terrific Life!

August 10, 2009 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Howard G Platt -

Personal Development is achieved through self-discipline, which must remain consistent throughout your life. The secret of making life better is to make yourself better. Your knowledge and skills determine what you achieve and what you are able to share. You will get more and have more to share with the world only as you become more as a person.

Growth through personal development is a natural process that comes from pursuing whatever fascinates you. Discover what your special interests are and use your self-discipline to build your success on those passions. Find your future in the objects of your dreams. Become a person who attracts success.

Nothing will have more influence on your potential for success than the power of self-discipline. Discipline is the force behind forming good habits and good habits determine what we become as a result of personal development.

Be aware that every commitment to a constructive habit, every commitment to practice, and every good intention will be challenged by the seductive appeal of procrastination. Remember, “Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” A strong personal self-discipline holds the power to overcome procrastination.

Resolve to make personal development a life-long commitment. There is no facet of human conduct that cannot be improved by a disciplined program of personal development. Remember, you can improve the world by improving yourself. Your happiness is related to your growth as a person.

Finally, begin your personal development program with a focus on four important areas. You will find in each of these areas an unlimited potential for personal growth. Rely on your self-discipline to accomplish that which is most important and you will develop the needed skills to succeed at all your goals.

1. First, develop your people skills. Getting along with others involves changing yourself, making others feel important, and recognizing the fact that being able to interact well with others is essential to your success.

2. Second, work on your personal communication skills. There is much to learn and much to gain in developing effective speaking and writing skills.

3. Third, learn how to adapt to change. Make change your friend and ally and make your ability to adapt to change one of your secret strengths in achieving your goals.

4. And last, take an interest in the world around you. Make your concerns felt by becoming active in societal and environmental issues. We only enrich ourselves by enriching others. Be a responsible citizen who cares and contributes. Remember, you can make a difference.

To achieve and maintain true personal development use the power of your own self-discipline to follow through with the following life improving exercises:

1. Describe the more complete person you would like to become.

2. Cite three of your personal traits or aspects of performance you would like to improve. Outline the steps you must take to achieve improvement.

3. List two or three subjects or pursuits that fascinate you and that you would enjoy doing full-time for a living. Outline what steps you can take to make these activities your life’s work.

4. Review the circumstances of a bad experience in your life, and list what you learned from the experience that will be helpful in your future progress.

5. Evaluate your progress in the following areas of personal performance, and outline how you can achieve personal development in each:

- Relations with other people
- Communications
- Adapting to change
- Improving the world

In concluding, let me remind you that the critical secret for improving your life and expanding your world lies in discovering your gifts and developing them to the fullest. Your future may be found in what you love to do most and doing it in a way that helps others.

I will leave you with a final thought: With self-discipline and a strong commitment to personal development, you can accomplish anything you want. Do not settle for less. You have the power and ability to make your life a masterpiece.

Hi I am Howard G. Platt 111 and for the past 25 years I have committed myself to learning all I possibly could in the area of Personal Development. If you visit http://www.positive-thinking-for-you.com you will find an abundance of information on self-improvement and get a FREE eBook that I found to be very interesting.

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Filed Under: Self Esteem, Self Improvement Tagged With: Discipline, Enjoying a Terrific Life, personal development

What Homer Simpson and Yoda Can Teach You About Personal Development

February 4, 2009 By Guest Contributor 1 Comment

By Michael McGrath -

The Simpsons is a Matt Groening classic comedy cartoon that almost everyone has seen. One of the key characters, Homer Simpson, is a bad husband, terrible father and incompetent employee. So how can he teach you how to live the life of your dreams and attain all your goals? Why is he a personal development guru?

Well, Homer is a prefect example of how many people think. He can be used as a mirror for our own beliefs. His famous quotes are legendary yet they are such a poignantly accurate reflection of the common mindset that it is sad.

Once he said “Trying is the first step towards failure” and another time he said “you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is – never try”.

Now although these quotes may be funny it is unfortunate that many people live their lives holding these very same views.

The problem with the modern mindset is the expectation of failure which therefore leads to the fear of even trying! There are many, many people who have been conditioned into believing that they cannot attain their desires. They feel that pursuing their goals is useless, at best, and harmful at worse. Some think goal setting can harm them because the failure that may ensue would only robe them further of their confidence and self esteem. It is true that constant failure and the inability to reach your objectives can be damaging to your self belief. But, this can only occur if you allow it to happen. Why? Because, there is no such thing as failure – there is only giving up!

To quote another famous character, Yoda from Star Wars, “With you it is always what cannot be done… Just do, or do not! There is no try! ” When you say you will “try” to do something, you are holding the expectation that you may fail. No longer try to reach your objectives. Instead expect to reach them!

In order to be successful with our personal development goals, or anything else in life, you must hold the expectation of success.

When you begin to recondition yourself mentally you will hit resistance. As you keep telling yourself that you will be successful and begin to concentrate on the things that you do want your subconscious mind will rebel. This is an unfortunate, but necessary, part of personal development. It will remind you how often in the past you failed. It will bring to your conscious attention all the factors that are against you. The subconscious mind will begin to direct your conscious attention to the obstacles that are hindering you now and will also exaggerate these obstacles and create visions of futures ones – many of which will never happen. This is merely your own internal resistance. This resistance stems from negative mental programming but with persistence you can overcome this programming and with perseverance you can reach any goal!

Your expectation plays a major role in your life. In personal development, just like everything, you must expect to succeed. Expect miracles! Expecting success and resisting the urge to wallow in the negative thoughts that your subconscious spews at you will change your life in ways you cannot now imagine.

What is the wrong with this approach? After all it will do you absolutely no harm and only good. At the very least it will make you feel better, have a better attitude, enjoy your own company and allow others to enjoy it. It is important to be aware of the fact that your focus is everything in life. What you focus on always increases in your life. Your focus on anything expands that thing. Quantum physics is now telling us that consciousness itself is the driving force of the universe. It is the creator of matter. Direct your conscious attention towards what you want and away from what you don’t want, with the expectation of success, and you will begin to attract to yourself miracles!

What is the worst that can happen? I suppose the worst is you will not get what you want. Always keep in mind that you cannot fail if you never stop pursuing what you want!

However, it is a universal truth that your focus determines your reality! If you begin to focus on what you have now that you are grateful for and also on what you want then you will create more of those things in your life. Expect miracles and you will get miracles! This is personal development at its most basic, and powerful, level!

To learn more about how personal development can change your life and help you reach your dreams go to Self Improvement. You can also visit Personal Development to read free product reviews, articles and recommendations.

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Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: Homer Simpson and Yoda, personal development, self help, Self Improvement

Love Yourself in 10 Steps

Being the Love You Seek

The Joy and Excitement of Living

Mind Body Spirit and the Power to Achieve Happiness and Success

Personal Development Turned Upside Down

Personal Development and Self-Discipline Are the Secret to Enjoying a Terrific Life!

What Homer Simpson and Yoda Can Teach You About Personal Development

Lipstick and The Leash

An Interview with Christopner “Divinity” Dines

News and Other New Stuff

Listen to Yvonne Perry’s interview with Gaetano Vivo today at 2:55 CDT

Someone You Should Know

Book Reviews

The Oneness Gospel: Birthing the Christ Consciousness and Divine Human in You. A Review

Alpha Chick: Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power. A Review

Irene’s Articles

Cleaning out the clutter

Let’s put “Self” Back in Self Improvement