Problems or Opportunities

By Eldon Taylor -

Problems or Opportunities? Pollyanna or Pragmatist?

It seems that everywhere one turns today there are problems. Problems in the world such as global warming, terrorism, inflation, crime, and so forth with so many etc., etc., etceteras that one is reminded of the classic movie “The King and I.” The list is long and to many, very depressing. It may surprise you, it has me, but one of the most popular new search terms emerging recently is “anxiety.” There is a unspoken but deep feeling of anxiousness among many today and there is no end to the so-called cures offered in the market place for this guttural discomfort that can nag at one waking them from sleep and disturbing their day time activities with just some indefinite but uncomfortable feeling.

Why the anxiety? One could easily suggest a myriad of reasons albeit the most important feature of anxiety is the sense of or lack of control and the perceived need to somehow take a hold of the stimulus or stimuli and direct the potential outcome. Alas, the anxiety persists chiefly when one is unable to affect the stimuli in any real way. So, global warming, terrorism, inflation and other economic concerns, shortages, and other doom and gloom forecasts, thoughts, etc. are not the “stuff” that the average individual can directly effect.

Like the ocean, anxious feelings tend to have crests and troughs and come in waves that propagate each other. Escaping this pattern requires a new perspective. There are many alternatives but essentially they come down to just two. The first is somehow finding something that one can do that minimizes the power of the stimuli. So, if you’re powerful enough to persuade the world to eliminate the causes of global warming then you can minimize the power of this stimulus if not destroy its grip all together. The second option is to simply attend to that which we can and let go of that which is beyond our control. This so-called “let go and let God,” has been referred to by some as a Pollyanna perspective that is solipsist. (I am using the word God here in the sense Wayne Dyer approaches the Source and that is as the Grand Organizing Designer–GOD).

The term Pollyanna comes from the heroine of a novel by the same name by Eleanor Porter. In general terms it is used to describe an irrepressible optimism and a tendency to find good in everything. A solipsist in its strict sense is a person that maintains the self can know nothing but its own modifications. To some thinkers this translates into egocentrism, a sort of self as the only existent thing. However, if the notion of self-modification is viewed from the perspective that each of us knows ourselves, our history, our changes, our fears, our limitations and so forth, then from this perspective one can easily step up to the proverbial plate and admit that they are not in control of the future or any other stimuli that is otherwise out of their control. For many, the old question, “If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to hear, does it make a sound?” is answered by the quantum physics perspective that suggests without consciousness there is nothing. In other words, remove the someone to hear and there is no sound for there is no tree. In this sense, our reality is one that is created by each of us in many more ways than most might have thought. This too can be taken as rather solipsist.

The great philosopher psychologist William James had a better term and that is “pragmatic.” The word originates from the Greek meaning officious and pertaining to matters of fact and practical affairs. James used this word to set apart the practical from the idealistic. In good old country talk, the meaning goes like this, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” The pragmatic view is one of what works. The fact of the matter is letting go and letting God works! Now saying this and doing it are not necessarily the same thing so let’s look at a couple of quick, painless and easy ways by which we can all let go–including let go of anxiety.

First, begin your day with a simple thank you. Acknowledge but for a moment that all that you have, all that you are, is a gift. The new day is a gift. Accept the gift with gratitude. Take that gratitude attitude like a sincere Pollyanna into your day, knowing that all that comes to you does so for some higher good. So-called problems are really opportunities in disguise. These opportunities assist us in our personal growth. From them we become better people.

Second, forgive–forgive yourself, forgive all others and accept the worthiness to be forgiven. When some fearful or angry thought enters you mind, bless it. Give it love–all the love you can. You’ll probably find that a smile strangely wanders onto your face–the whole idea of blessing those that we blame is so counter intuitive to the way most are raised that I cannot overstate the power of this simple practice. While you’re smiling, realize that the simple act of smiling turns certain neuro-chemicals on in the brain. In other words, the act of smiling tells the brain life is good and the brain says in neuro-chemical, “Great–it’s feel good time!” and pumps some good old feel good chemicals through our bodies. So, if you don’t naturally smile when you do your blessing (forgiving) then fake it “till you make it. (Remember, you can obtain a free copy of our Forgiving and Letting Go program, one per customer please, by ordering it on tape or CD at our website: http://www.innertalk.com).

Third, let go. Let go and let God. Do what you can do and let God do the rest. When I have suggested this in the past I have been asked, how? How do I know what I can do? There is a sense that there is nothing that I can do and you have pointed this out, so what is it that I am to do? Here is the answer. Short and sweet–do a good deed for someone else. Go to the aid of another. Help someone in some small way. Help someone that may never expect you to give them aid of any kind. Give someone a smile, a compliment; add some give good feelings to others repertoire to your acumen of abilities and watch the world around you change. Helping others is our ultimate mission in some manner or another. The purpose driven life could be summed up without sermons as one aiding others to the best of our abilities.

The bottom line, help others. It is after all only a slight shift in perspective that changes everything one does from a purely selfish act to one that has the best interest of all at heart, whether in our vocations or avocations. In short, and in the words of A. Lawrence Lowel, “Anyone who sees in his own occupation merely a means of earning money degrades it; but he that sees in it a service to mankind ennobles both his labor and himself.”

Eldon Taylor is the author of hundreds of self-help articles, books, tapes and video programs. His awards include the 2005 International Peace Prize awarded by the United Cultural Convention. His vitae may be found in over a dozen Who’s Who publications including the Who’s Who of Intellectuals. For more information about Eldon and his programs or philosophy, visit http://www.innertalk.com

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(Editor’s note: Dr. Taylor is our guest on The Self Improvement Show this Thursday – March 22 and will be a special discussion on beliefs.)

 

 

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March 20, 2011 – Perspective

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience.
- Shelley Winters

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How To Cope When Things Go Wrong: Cultivating Perspective, Balance, And Gratitude

By Paula Apfelbach

Perspective, balance, and gratitude: these often-elusive but always-helpful states of mind will help you to cope with life’s stresses and to reduce worry when bad times inevitably come. The next time you’re bogged down, consider some of these methods for rising out of your funk.

Put it in a box

Compartmentalizing is something that we do in many areas of our lives, every time we put something away in a box or bin or other container. Therefore, do the same whenever you’re sad or worried or upset: acknowledge the legitimacy of those feelings, give yourself some time to wallow around in them, but then try to place them into a mental “box” and move on to other thoughts. You can always bring your mental box back out and rummage around in it again later, but if grief and worry are allowed to take their natural courses, they’ll flow throughout the parts of your life that are working well and sully them. So give your upsets their due — but no more than their due.

Appreciation: it doesn’t get any better than this

Enumerating your blessings — especially the basic, humble things — is a powerful reminder never to take even the most mundane element of daily life as a given, and cultivating that “attitude of gratitude” is a goal worth pursuing all year long, not just when the calendar says that it’s Thanksgiving time. Truly, I can’t think of a more effective or reliable way to cultivate balance and perspective than being appreciative and refusing to take things for granted.

Play the “How could it be worse?” game

Okay, so maybe a state of continuous appreciation is a little too Pollyanna for you. If your gratitude occasionally fails and you start to feel sorry for myself, try the opposite approach to regain perspective: engage in the rather morbid-sounding “How could it be worse?” game. The way you play is to think of a negative situation in your life and then mentally turn it into something worse. If you’re anything like me, it will take only about one nanosecond before you realize that any upsetting circumstance you’re now experiencing could be worse — even much worse — and perhaps you do have it pretty good.

Another way to look at this is to remember that everything is relative. What’s awful one day may be only a drop in the bucket the next, and, thankfully, vice versa. Railing against the reality of life’s ebbs and flows will not change that reality. A mantra that I created for myself seems to apply here: “It isn’t fair; it just is.”

You always have options — even when you’re convinced you don’t

I don’t want to “go all motivational speaker” on you, but when life is crushing in on you and every single thing seems utterly imperative, it’s easy to forget that you do have options — it just seems like you don’t. One means to shake off this sense of imperatives is to do a little visualization exercise. My favorite example involves running off to Paris to become a painter creating masterpieces along the banks of the Seine…

“But of course,” you say, “I could never actually do that. What about my family and friends? My business? My dog? My mortgage? My Glee episodes?!” And right then the great majority of people would conclude that abandoning their current lives would be impossible, and they’d dismiss their painterly dreams because their priorities lie much more strongly elsewhere. And that’s not wrong in any way. My only point is that being a Parisian painter actually is an option if it’s of a higher priority than those other life elements. It’s just that it probably seems so ludicrous that most people wouldn’t even view it as an option.

And so it goes with a lot of activities: they seem critically necessary until you realize that perhaps not quite all of them deserve top-priority ranking. So take a while to evaluate how you’re spending your time. If you then choose to continue as you have been, you can feel great about living according to your highest values. But if you discover that there’s room for change, then exercise those options that you perhaps didn’t even know you had.

Accepting your limitations empowers you like little else

We’re all familiar with theologian Reinhold Neibuhr’s “Serenity Prayer,” about accepting the things we cannot change, changing the things we can, and having the wisdom to know the difference. It reminds me that there is relatively little in life that any one individual can control (despite our wishes to the contrary), so we have very little to complain about! In other words, why fret about something you can change, and why fret about something you cannot change?

Fill out a “life report card”

Most of us stopped receiving report cards a long time ago, but they might be worth reinstating. Create a list of all of the major areas of your life — relationships, occupation, leisure, spirituality, health, fitness, intellectual pursuits, finances, and whatever else is important to you — and grade yourself in each area. If you like your grades, celebrate! But, if some disappoint you, figure out what you can improve. Remembering that you can’t control everything might come in handy here, but recalling that you do have options might also come in handy. If you’re tempted to claim that you absolutely cannot change some aspect of your life, think twice: can you?

Perspective, gratitude, and balance: All are within reach, and they’ll help you to cope when things inevitably go wrong. Truly, it could always be worse.

Paula Apfelbach began her business, Breathing Room Professional Organizing, in May 2005. She transitioned out of organizing in the fall of 2010, but continues to write a free mini-zine called “exhale” and accepts freelance assignments on the subjects of organization and life simplicity. Paula lives in Madison, Wisconsin.

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Enjoy Life – Stop And Smell The Roses

By Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD -

Have you heard the expression, ‘Stop and smell the roses?’ The expression is more meaningful than most people believe. If you pay attention, going slower in life offers a different perspective. It offers the ability to notice things that are seldom seen when one is moving at a fast pace.

The phrase is believed to have originated in the United States and was first used in a conversation 100+ years ago, between friends. The folklore tells the story of a woman who worked so diligently in her rose garden that she did not take the time to enjoy the fruits of her labor. Her friend reminded her to stop working and simply experience the beauty she had created. Ringo Starr released an album in early 1980′s, ‘Stop and Smell the Roses.’ Undoubtedly, he heard the folklore on which his album was based.

In the modern world, we have invented gadgets that are seemingly better and faster, thus, we are tempted to create more of the same. Fast food, instant communication-texting, instant messages via a computer, cell phones, etc. We are programming ourselves to think the faster we go the more we achieve. Paradoxically, we are creating less and enjoying it less, rather than more achievement, thus, more enjoyment.

As you move through your experiences you need to seek a different view than previously perceived. Each moment offers an opportunity to slow down and look a little deeper, even if for only one moment.

Pause this moment. Make a commitment to yourself to slow down to enjoy the fruits of your labor and to enjoy the experience. ‘Stop and smell the roses.’

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, Metaphysician – Certified Hypnosis Practitioner, Author and Speaker. Dr. Dorothy facilitates clearing blocks, fears and limiting beliefs. You can live the life you desire. She brings awareness to concepts not typically obvious to one’s thoughts and feelings. http://www.gen-assist.com

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The Day After Christmas Thoughts

Jack Christmas 2009By Irene Conlan -

I hope your Christmas was wonderful. Ours was.

My grandson, Jack,  will be six next month and this is the first year he really got excited about Christmas. It was wonderful watching him. He got a lot of “stuff” and was truly excited about each thing – even the socks and underwear. He seemed to like the little things as much as the big, the cheap things as much as the expensive. He didn’t judge anything or anyone and he was truly in the moment.

I tried to put myself in his shoes and see Christmas from a child’s perspective. It was an interesting adventure. From a child’s view the tree is bigger and the lights brighter. The packages are more beautiful and the mystery of  their contents more compelling.  They don’t hesitate to express their like or dislike of the gifts and immediately set out to enjoy what they have received. They don’t ask for the price or look for the designer label. If the gift was really “cool”  the giver received immediate hugs and smiles (if those could be transformed into currency, we would be millionaires today).jack and gifts

It would be interesting to  try to see the world and everything in it through a child’s eyes. What would they see that we don’t see as adults? What comes to my mind is the title of a James Herriot book – All Things Bright and Beautiful. What if we each saw the world around us as bright and beautiful again? Would we treat it differently? Would we take care of it better? Would we enjoy it more?  Would the grass look greener and the trees seem taller? Would there be more moments of wide eyed awe when we discovered something new?

We are so used to our surroundings that we tend not to see them anymore. We often pass by nature’s beauty without noticing and we take the common place for granted. But a child doesn’t. He sees the butterflies and pauses at flowers – even if they’re dandelions – to look and, if possible, pick. He runs, skips and jumps through the grass always noticing things along the way. “Oh, mama, look what I found” is heard often” and “Oh, look” is often uttered with wonderment when he sees things like bubbles, flowers, butterflies or bugs – almost anything new.

What if during this week between Christmas and New Year’s Day, you practiced seeing things through the eyes of a child to renew your own wonderment at the beauty around you? For most of us this is a slow week.If you can, take time to really look at everything around you instead of barreling ahead eyes fixed only on what’s in front of you trying to get there faster. Depending on where you live, notice the trees, the snow, the flowers, the buildings you pass – really see them as if for the first time.   Look at familiar faces as if you never saw them before and search out the beauty there. Look at your own face as if it were new to you. What do you see?

It’s an interesting exercise and can be an exciting adventure. I would love to hear your reaction if you are brave enough to try it.

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