By Aleks Srbinoski -
Smart Aleks: I can’t believe just how attractive I am!
Aleks Psych: Neither can I.
Emotion and psychology, rather then physical appearance is the secret to attractiveness. This is because the physical world is illusory. What we perceive is rarely an accurate representation of the way things really are. Popular singers often mime, many people pretend to be wealthy but are debt ridden and I am yet to find a magazine cover that has not been photoshopped.
Living in such an illusory world, it is understandable why many people feel like they can never measure up. That is because the reality is that they can not measure up. Maybe this is why so many reality shows are now based on showcasing and promoting human weaknesses. People know they can not measure up to the usual media illusions of perfection and so feel better about themselves when they see other people acting poorly. Both of these extremes are addictive to watch, but neither are genuinely attractive.
The biggest mistake I see many people make is neglecting the development of their emotion and psychology when attempting to become more attractive. Instead, they overly focus on physical appearance. Working on your appearance is fine, but it is not the key to attractiveness.
The key to attractiveness both in the social and the possible intimate sense is related to how often you display positive emotions. The emotions you spend the majority of your time living in will be the most influential factor in regards to how socially and physically attractive you are to yourself and other people. I do not care how physically attractive someone is, if they consistently over time display strong negative emotions, they will become less attractive to other people. Think of a really attractive person. You can think of me if you like, don’t worry I’m joking, or am I? If you had to choose between an extremely attractive but highly angry and depressive partner, or a moderately attractive but highly generous, joyful, fun, and happy partner, I guarantee you would eventually want the happy one. At first you may choose the extremely attractive person, but over time their emotion and psychology will lead you to see their true attractiveness, which is related to their consistent emotional displays and beliefs based on their psychology.
One thing the positive psychology practitioners and researchers have consistently found, is that one of the strongest predictors of what causes happiness in people is having a fun, social and outgoing nature. What the positive psychology practitioners call being extroverted and gregarious. The reason for this is because we loop onto each others emotions and so bringing a happy attitude to a social encounter will then be enhanced and amplified by other people’s happy reactions to you. As the conversation continues, the positive emotion and psychology between the two people is amplified.
There are numerous accounts and evidence to support that emotion and psychology is the key to attractiveness. I’m always hearing about people who had surgery on their face to look more physically attractive at the cost of positive emotional expression. The barbie doll botox look. It often leads to the breakdown of intimate and social relationships. The stupidest thing you could ever do is make it difficult for you to be able to smile. This is for three reasons. Number 1, when you smile you feel better. Number 2, when you smile other people feel better. Number 3, nothing is more attractive in the social and the long term intimate sense than a genuine smile.
Emotion and Psychology – Exercise: Choose at least 3 upcoming social encounters. Commit to enter into that encounter with as much positive emotion as you can and notice how the other person responds to you. If you are highly positive around people who are not used to seeing you that way, they may act surprised and be weary of your sudden increase in positive emotion. However, unless you picked a completely inappropriate time to express positive emotion (e.g. a funeral, or when someone is very angry), they will attune to you and more than likely begin to smile.
Aleks Srbinoski is a Clinical and Coaching Psychologist, Company Consultant, Creative Writer and Author, Humorist and Inspirational Motivational Speaker.
He is the Director of Aleks inPsychology, a self-development training company with a mission to guide as many people as possible towards a life of Fulfilling Happiness. His diverse range of professional and personal experiences demonstrate a love for serving people through his extensive Psychology, Creativity and Self Development experience.
Find out more about more about Aleks’ highly entertaining, informative, inspiring and comprehensive life skill coaching program Fulfilling Happiness: Preventing clinical anxiety, depression and anger whilst surging towards an extraordinary and meaningful life. Go to http://www.fulfillinghappiness.com.
To access numerous FREE self-development and happiness resources, and find out more about the range of other professional individual and organisational coaching services Aleks offers, go to http://www.aleksinpsychology.com.
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