Self-Improvement | Relationships | The Self Improvement Blog

Handling Criticism – “Do’s” and “Don’ts”

March 15, 2011 By Admin 3 Comments

We all struggle with criticism. It’s plain hurtful to hear someone tell us where we’re going wrong, where we must improve, or where they’d like to see us change. It happens in workplaces, in homes, in schools, in every sphere of life: criticism everywhere. How do we deal with it in a positive manner?

If there is one thing we could all do with is learning how to cope better with criticism. This is what a doctor of psychology said at a recent workshop I facilitated. She went on to say that most if not all relationship and life problems emanate from poor communication. Here is a list of ideas to assist you in dealing with criticism:

1. All criticism has at least a hint of truth, so listen with open ears and an open heart. You might learn something about yourself that others see but you don’t.

2. Respect the person delivering the criticism as it inevitably requires courage to give this feedback (provided they’re not being spiteful). Thank them for taking the risk — it’s risky business being the bearer of bad news.

3. Think in terms of what you can learn, about yourself of course, but also about other people and their reactions to you. You can also learn more about the person delivering the criticism i.e. what did they do well in their negative feedback (pick things you can emulate), and what did they do poorly (which you would want to avoid doing).

4. Don’t get hung up emotionally. Try and remain objective. Try and see the issue from a third party viewpoint. You will have time to reflect on this feedback, and that too is not a time to become too negatively emotional. Don’t develop a grudge; grudges help no-one, least of all you! (This applies 100% of the time from my experience.)

5. Set yourself a goal of being open to all feedback. Make it your policy. In the early days it will be hard to apply but if you don’t give up you’ll eventually begin to thrive on all feedback, be it negative or positive.

When you do accept criticism well and just try your best to respond in the way you’re requested to, you’ll actually find yourself in the path of praise and positive feedback — there are not many people who are good at this you see. You’ll stand out in a positive way. Most people would prefer to whinge and complain about their treatment… and where does this get them? (Refer to my comment earlier; grudges help no-one.)

Your highest goal should be to relate well. A big part of this is dealing effectively and coping well with criticism. It takes maturity and maturity is only developed with practise. Stay positive and you can grow and blossom in ways that you would not believe. Imagine not ever needing to hold a grudge. Imagine genuinely respecting everyone you meet and relate with. Imagine being strong enough not to be the slightest bit crushed by a harsh word.

Being good at coping with criticism can be all yours. Set yourself a goal to be a good receiver of criticism. Learn to cope well. The world will be your oyster.

Steve Wickham is a safety and health professional (BSc) and a qualified lay Christian minister (GradDipDiv). He is also has training and leadership Diplomas. His passion in vocation is facilitation and coaching; encouraging people to soar to a higher value of their potential.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steve_Wickham
http://EzineArticles.com/?Handling-Criticism—Dos-and-Donts&id=1146890

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: communication, coping, criticism, feedback, hurt, learning, maturity, praise, Relationships, respect, wisdom

Live from the Flirt Factory

January 24, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Kerri Zane -

www.Leopardpride.com

You’ve found this fab guy on your favorite internet site and now it’s time for that critical phone call that leads to the first date…or not. You have to be charming, effervescent and above all captivating. That’s no small order but with a few simple flirty tips it’s not that difficult.

Before you dial be ready.

Think about the conversation and how you want it to go. What would you like to tell him about yourself? What would you like to know about this guy that you haven’t learned in your written correspondences? When you are ready to make the call get comfortable. Put on your favorite music if that relaxes you, the TV is distracting and you need to focus on the conversation. Be comfortable you want to be fully open and available. Imagine you are seated across from the person, looking into his or her eyes while you’re speaking. The intimacy will come across. Take a deep breath, put your smile on, yes you can hear a smile and place the call. Bring your natural voice down an octave and stay in the positive throughout your conversation. Everyone likes being around someone who is upbeat and happy it is not only infectious but very sexy.

Chill in your chair

The first thing you need to do is make sure you’re talking to the right person and immediately identify yourself and on what site the two of you met. Ask him if this is a good time to speak or not, be respectful of his time and circumstances. Have your arsenal of open-ended questions ready just so there is no dead air in your dialog. Engage him in topics he really likes talking about and be sincerely interested. Create a nice conversation rhythm just like you would volley a ball on the tennis court. Give the man time to answer. If you are too busy planning your next thought you’ll miss the finer nuances of him. Listen to what he says that way you can comment or relate his answer to your own life and situation. See if what he’s saying resonates with you.

Be yourself.

Don’t answer his questions based on who you think he wants to meet, you want him to get a sense of your real personality. If you have a sense of humor let it shine. It’s okay to mention your children or your dog but don’t delve into their lives obsessively. You can talk about your job, the books you’ve read, movies you seen and places you’ve traveled. And if you love sports or even know enough to be dangerous you are golden. Every man has a sport he loves even if it’s armchair quarterbacking. The mere fact that you can honestly say you love football is enough to get a guy motivated toward asking for the first date.

There are several topics you should definitely avoid and you need to be prepared for that one question every guy asks that will get you that first date.

To get the answer to guarantee your first date visit www.Leopardpride.com

http://www.leopardpride.com/phone-flirty-girl

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: first date, flirting, Relationships

I Dare You to Move: Keys to Healthy Self Esteem

January 22, 2011 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Alison Rodgers -

Self esteem can be simply defined as the way that an individual internally views and values their physical, social, mental and emotional self. You may already know that your self esteem – or lack of – impacts nearly every cognitive decision that you make. But how does it affect your non conscious decisions in the psychological realm? How you view yourself directly impacts how you perceive the world around you, and your relationship to it.

Healthy self esteem balances the internal person to be in harmony with the world. Based on the personality type of the individual, healthy self esteem can manifest in many ways, for each individual personality type has a distinct way of showing itself. Here are some basics to evaluate your own self esteem:

Internally Secure. A healthy individual feels safe within themselves; they are not often beset by feelings of worry or dread. Healthy individuals may be emotive but not overly emotional in a negative sense, for their center is their grounding place. When you look into your own eyes in the mirror, what do you see? Are you comfortable with the synergy between your external actions and your internal person? Are you consciously seeking a healthy balance between life stressors and the internal needs you sense?

Biggest Loser. People with low self esteem are not always the demure, self doubting wall flowers that one might expect. It is often the loudest voice in the room that dominates conversations who drives himself with need for approval. In business meetings, classroom settings and relationships alike, individuals with low self esteem have a desire to be considered both knowledgeable and in control. Self esteem projects into the personality that others perceive and react too, both through positive and negative forces. A well grounded self esteem shows in an equally visible manner – people with healthy self esteem are naturally magnetic. They attract attention because of their smile, confidence and willingness to treat people equally. Given that they do not require the approval of others to feed their confidence as the primary source of acceptance, individuals with healthy self esteem are often able and willing to offer a helping hand or listening ear.

It’s all about me. Unhealthy self esteem can manifest as arrogance or complete self focus. Do you read the blog of a friend or associate and immediately assume that person is talking to/about you? Do unknown conversations in your presence make you feel nervous or convicted? Low self esteem can feed or direct fear of change, rejection or even harm. A person that grew up in an unhealthy family environment where appropriate love and affirmation are not provided may find stasis in overcompensating through this channel of feeling.

How to Change

You’re ready for a new year and a new you. You’ve made the decision that you want to turn a healthy minute into a healthy life. Where do you begin to change, now that you’ve dared yourself to move out of complacency and into a life of discovery?

First, assess yourself. Mentors are great, don’t get me wrong – but mentors and advisors all come with their own set of lenses. Begin by knowing who you are and what your goals are….I have discovered through my process that the only person that knows for sure what and how you feel is you. I started with the Enneagram test, found free online at http://www.similarminds.com/test.html. After testing, I took myself to the library and studied what the personality types meant, and how they looked both healthy and unhealthy. Following that, I began to research therapies that might be relevant to my own focus. For me, that was beginning with family of origin in my younger years, and more recently, relationships and boundaries. After interviewing a few prospective individuals and choosing a personal mentor who would confront me in a loving way, I set measurable goals to assess my own health, and wrote a journal of that metamorphosis daily.

Here is the caution that I have found to offer you. Well meaning, well intentioned faithful individuals give horrible advice. That pastor, friend and sibling that would never steer you wrong – they will almost inevitably have less than most the facts. A ranking as “holy” or aged doesn’t automatically win the Pulitzer for wisdom. Chose what you let in your in as carefully as you choose what you put in your body – garbage in, garbage out. Avoid believing clichés and “sage” advice. Challenge advice that you’re given to see how it actually applies to you and your destiny, contrasting with the individual who is trying to help. Is theirs’ the life what you want? Are the people and situations in your life healthy for you – and you for them? Does the person offering you advice possess the destiny that beckons to you?

Seeking a balance in your self image and personal esteem is not about external image, wealth, power or even other people. It’s about being a fully vested human being with love and grace to spare for others, mainly because you’re not constantly wearing yourself out proving to yourself/others that you’re worthwhile. Finally, don’t be a selfish person – by being “selfless” and keeping your whole world tied in knots as you drown in your own emotionality, or by just being a jerk. Focusing on yourself and your internal esteem is a journey of discovery and it will be both long and painful if you’re doing the hard work of discovering who you truly are after years of compensating. You may have decades of compound bad choices from health to relationships to deal with and assess. You will not be the same person that you are now – and those changes might also change your outward appearance, relationships, marriage status, profession – you name it. Just as a caution in this time of self discovery if your empathy for people is low, know it and beware. The first step to becoming healthier should not involve stepping on someone else. Allow a few trusted, honest people into that circle of confidence and then prepare for the adventure of a lifetime.

Come visit Alison at http://www.todayshealthyminute.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Alison_Rodgers
http://EzineArticles.com/?I-Dare-You-to-Move:-Keys-to-Healthy-Self-Esteem&id=5723604

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: balance, healthy self esteem, low self esteem, Relationships, respect, self love, wholeness

January 22, 2011 – Relationships

January 22, 2011 By Admin Leave a Comment

Oh, the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person – having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

Filed Under: Daily Quotes Tagged With: daily quote, Relationships

Relationship Resolutions for 2011

January 22, 2011 By Admin 1 Comment

By eHarmony UK -

It’s difficult when you’re in a relationship to sit down and examine the cracks in it. But those who don’t deal with the small problems and annoying niggles when they appear are potentially putting their romances in jeopardy. Whether it’s leaving wet towels on the floor or swearing in front of the in-laws, we all have our relationship imperfections. So, why not turn over a new leaf in 2011 with a relationship resolution?

Instead of the ambitious new exercise regime or the challenging diet you probably won’t stick to, you’ll be working on the relationship and ultimately becoming closer to your other half. Here are a few ideas for relationship resolutions this January:

Tone down irritations…

If you know you have a mannerism, habit or particular way of behaving that really winds up your other half, your 2011 resolution could be to actively tone down this habit. This could range from big changes, such as giving up smoking, to little changes, such as not blowing bubbles in your chewing gum. If you do this, it will mean fewer arguments about trivial matters, and it will also show your partner you are willing to sacrifice certain indulgences for their sake.

Don’t take anger out on each other…

When you’re exhausted from a tough day at work, it’s all too easy to take your stress and anxiety and direct it towards another. When you’re in a relationship, this misplaced anger usually falls on your partner. This year, why not try to stop yourselves from snapping at each other for no real reason. Have a rant about so-and-so at work or a rational conversation about what’s bothering you instead of hiding the real source of a foul mood and directing anger elsewhere. Your partner will be there to comfort and support you if you handle it this way.

Put more time aside for the relationship…

This year, why not make a concerted effort to spend more quality time with your partner? Work, children and various other distractions can all too easily turn a couple into two passing ships. You could start a hobby together, get a babysitter or compare diaries. Whatever it takes, put more time aside for romantic restaurant dating, moonlit walks and cosy nights-in.

Be surprising…

Spice your relationship up this year by organising an array of surprises for your partner. Take them somewhere new every week; buy them little presents out of the blue; turn up outside their office at lunchtime. They’ll certainly appreciate the attentiveness – sometimes we all need reminding just how much we mean to someone!

Whether you’re in Manchester dating or in New York dating, a relationship resolution could make 2011 a happier year for you both. Whether it’s giving up your favourite Xbox game or hiring a babysitter, these little changes could make a world of difference.

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: relationship resolutions, Relationships, resolutions, self improvement

Learn to Love Imperfection

November 28, 2010 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Krista Dunk -

Do you know any person who is perfect in every way? Have you ever failed, fallen short, or been offensive or wrong? At a recent conference, I learned an important principle about love that needs to be shared. This is the ultimate in forgiveness – it’s learning to love imperfection.

Marriage is the most tender, yet most strenuous relationship we have. If you have the expectation of perfection for yourself or for your spouse, you will be disappointed – probably everyday. Loving someone else means you love their soul – the good, the bad and the ugly (hopefully not too much ugly). At some point you will be let down, offended, hurt, angry, disillusioned, bored, stressed, frustrated, nit-picky, and upset. Can you truly love them anyway? Don’t forget that at some point you too will be the one who offends, is wrong, behaves insensitively, hurts the other person, etc., whether you purposely mean to or not.

At the same time, a marriage relationship also brings hope, joy, security, partnership, intimacy, friendship, family, collaboration, support, fun, financial gain, passion, respect, honor, and love. Without pushing through the bad, you can never enjoy the good that an enduring marriage brings. Love should cover and forgive an offense, not dwell on it. Don’t get me wrong, if we’re talking about abuse or adultery… the rules change of course. But for other circumstances, learn to love imperfection while striving to improve your relationship.

Unfortunately falling short is a fact of life, even though we don’t intend to or purposefully mean to do so. Examine yourself and see if you have unrealistic expectations for your spouse (or for yourself). Unmet expectations that are not resolved lead to dissatisfaction, resentment, depression, and more. Instead, practice forgiveness, patience and loving imperfection. It’s not easy, but we all need love in spite of our faults and mistakes. We all need to know that we’re loved no matter what – in the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer… sound familiar?

Just keepin’ it real: Be blessed!

Krista Dunk, Founder & CEO
http://www.NWweddingplace.com
“Helping Pacific Northwest Couples Plan Their Dream Weddings & Successful Marriages™”
Olympia, WA
Read our Blog at: http://www.NWweddingplace.blogspot.com
Copyright 2008

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Krista_Dunk
http://EzineArticles.com/?Learn-to-Love-Imperfection&id=1230529

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: intimacy, Love, love advice, marriage, marriage advice, perfectionist, relationship advice, Relationships, self improvement, self help

Christmas For One: Mental Health Over the Holidays

November 26, 2010 By Admin Leave a Comment

By Kristin Johnson -

My dear friend, poet Dessa Byrd Reed, often spends holidays alone as a widow. However, she doesn’t see this, as many people often do, as a depressing circumstance. In a November 2000 POETIC VOICES interview, she said, “Because I am single and live alone, I eat out a lot. I love to talk to strangers. That’s one of my favorite things. I go out for breakfast and talk to people.”

Another talented writer, Leslie Lafayette, dealt with being a childless woman by choice in WHY DON’T YOU HAVE KIDS?: Living a Full Life Without Parenthood. You can bet that because of her choice many people would pity her. She writes the “Alone Again, Naturally” column for the outstanding magazine THE DESERT WOMAN. Observers might conclude she’s miserable on the holidays.

Both Leslie and Dessa have full lives and radiate Christmas cheer, not just in December but all year round. While we all need human contact, it’s a mistake to conclude that people without the traditional family dinner are all on suicide watch. Anyone who has negotiated where to have Christmas and which family members can come when, not to mention refereed in-law and spouse disputes, knows that the allure of having a table for one at Christmas is powerful.

However, when people aren’t alone by choice, Christmas can be lonely. In Michigan, I interviewed a woman, the founder of a divorced and widowed support group, who chose to have Christmas dinner every year for lonely widows, widowers and divorced people, usually from her support group. Her children understood that she needed to start this new tradition in her new life.

Similarly, having children around, even with the relentless gimmes and commercialism, lends a special magic to Christmas, which is why playing Santa appeals to so many.

The holidays can be joyous if you’re alone, or they can be difficult. As with so much, your feelings depend on your personality, your circumstances, your childhood, and in many cases on medical or psychological conditions.

Some tips to remember if you’re alone or without your support system:

*Take advantage of counseling services in your community, including from your local church, synagogue, temple or other place of worship.

*Take time out for spirituality. You might attend services just to experience human contact and community. People are generally nicer at Christmas.

*Do all the things you wanted to do but couldn’t in your former life. Travel. Even in this post-9/11 world, you can visit faraway places. There are many tour groups for singles.

*Attend art walks, holiday concerts, lectures, and movie screenings alone. Or invite a friend you haven’t talked to in a while.

*Volunteer–it’s a wonderful way to make friends, stay active, and feel fulfilled.

*Go out to dinner alone! While women in particular feel uncomfortable, project an air of confidence. You are a strong, vital woman. This doesn’t mean that you should go bar-hopping or take risks alone at night. But you have the right to ask for a table for one without feeling as though people are judging you. (Most people are too preoccupied with their own lives to notice.)

*Gather a circle of friends or people in the same situation–just make sure the evening doesn’t turn into a pity party.

*Don’t overdrink, overeat or do drugs. It’s just not a good tradition.

*Bake cookies if you’re so inclined. Cookies make wonderful Christmas presents and ways to reconnect with your friends.

You may be tempted to think of yourself as Ebenezer Scrooge. Don’t, and boil anyone in his own pudding who calls you “Scrooge.” You are honoring Christmas in your own heart and keeping it always. Christmas for one, anyone?

Kristin Johnson is co-author of the “enthusiastically recommended” Midwest Book Review pick, Christmas Cookies Are For Giving: Stories, Recipes and Tips for Making Heartwarming Gifts (ISBN: 0-9723473-9-9). A downloadablemedia kit is available at our Web site, http://www.christmascookiesareforgiving.com, or e-mail the publisher (info@tyrpublishing.com) to receive a printed media kit and sample copy of the book. More articles available at http://www.bakingchristmascookies.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kristin_Johnson
http://EzineArticles.com/?Christmas-For-One:-Mental-Health-Over-the-Holidays&id=6335

Filed Under: Health Tagged With: alone, Christmas, Depression, holidays, mental health, Relationships, self improvement, self help

Live a Healthy Balanced Life

October 31, 2010 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Melissa Boyas -

A healthy balanced life is achieved by eating a well-rounded diet & nourishing ourselves with optimal lifestyle factors such as spirituality, relationships, physical activity, & career.

A healthy diet consists of high quality foods that are organic as much as possible. Eat lots of whole grains & vegetables, then fruits, proteins, healthy fats & water. Now this information is not new to most. We all know what we “should” be eating. Most times if we are not sustaining a healthy diet there is some kind of block or barrier holding us back from meeting our health goals.

That brings us to the second key factor in health which is optimal lifestyle. In order to want to “eat & be healthy” a person needs positive connections through spirituality, relationships, career, & blood pumping physical activity. Have you ever found yourself not motivated to exercise & then you meet a new handsome man or beautiful woman & suddenly you are at the local gym inquiring about a new membership? Your longing for love & intimacy with the opposite sex has just “motivated” you to increase physical activity & to eat healthy.

Or perhaps you have felt like something is missing in you life. You feel a void & fill it by succumbing to your cravings or addictions. Taking the time to connect with your inner self through spiritual practices like prayer & meditation allows people to feel closer to a “higher being” or “God”. This spiritual sensitivity nourishes our bodies profoundly.

To fully achieve balance a person must also love the work they do, especially since we spend so much time working nowadays. And just as important, one must find the physical activity that excites them such as running, playing tennis, dancing or even hula hoop to keep your blood circulating.

So take a look at your spiritual practices, relationships, career, & physical activity. Are there any areas you could improve? Even a small change in any of these lifestyle factors will positively affect your life. Then you will find eating healthy comes easier because you “want” or are “motivated” to continue to nourish your body with goodness. Remember, it took years for you to develop the lifestyle & eating habits you currently have, therefore, it will take time & conscious effort to establish life long “health & balance”.

If you would like to contact the writer or interested in being coached to meet your Health & Wellness goals, please feel free to check out my website: http://www.tools4lovinglife.com or email: tools4lovinglife@gmail.com for a free session.

Melissa Boyas, RN Health & Wellness Coach
Website: http://www.tools4lovinglife.com
Email: tools4lovinglife@gmail.com
Schedule your first free session today!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Melissa_Boyas
http://EzineArticles.com/?Live-a-Healthy-Balanced-Life&id=5026502

Filed Under: Health Tagged With: balanced, career, health coach, healthy, life, Live, physical activity, Relationships, self improvement, spirituality

On Being Authentic

October 9, 2010 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Paul Kearley -

To be or not to be: that IS the question.

I was in a bit of a pickle. I had a heat resistant mat that I needed to put under my woodstove before I could use it, but there was no way that I could put it there myself. In order to do that I would have to lift the woodstove, slide the pad in to the exact place and then lower the 400 pound woodstove down gently so as to not dent the pad or the floor.

I sat at my kitchen table trying to think of the biggest, strongest people I knew that could help me, and hope that they were available at that time. Then I thought, I know, I’ll call Neville! He knows everyone, and he may be able to help too! True to Neville’s form, he knew someone who could help me… himself and his son Josiah.

So, here we were in my dining room, Neville and I on each side of the woodstove, Josiah in front ready to push the pad in, “OK” I said, “On three. One… two… three… lift!” “hnnnngggggghhhh…” I groaned “it’s no use” I said, as I tried, to no avail to lift my side off the floor, while Neville’s side easily rose to 8 to 10 inches, “I can’t lift this!” I whined. “There has to be a better way!”

“I know” I said, “I’ll just make a fulcrum, and then I’ll be able to do it”

Off I ran to get the material that I needed. I returned less than 5 minutes later and started to set it all up. All the while that I was preparing, Josiah was laughing and giggling at me, and Neville was just standing there looking at me with this very innocent face.

“What’s so funny?” I asked? Josiah looked at the woodstove, then looked at me and said “It’s done.” “What is?” I asked. Then I looked down and saw it. The pad was already under the woodstove and in place. While I was out getting the material for my “science experiment”, Neville had lifted the 400 pound stove by his own brute strength, and Josiah had maneuvered the pad into place. I stood there dumbfounded. “How in the world did you do that?” I stammered, shocked and amazed that he had the strength to do it. “That’s impossible.” “No it isn’t” Neville said, you just have to lift low and close to it, and it’s easy”.

I have never felt so inadequate in all my days. At that moment I felt like that skinny guy that used to be in all the old comic books. You know the one where this skinny guy is on the beach, and the big strong guy comes by and kicks sand in his face and takes his girl. Don’t get me wrong, I was extremely grateful that he could help me, and I was totally in awe of his strength, I just felt like a weak wimp. Actually, I think it was more embarrassment than anything else that was getting to me. I always thought that I was in good shape, I mean, I usually run about 35 Kilometers a week, but I guess I’m not. The more I thought about it, the more inadequate I felt. I just wanted to be stronger so that I could at least lift my half of the 400+ pounds.

Have you ever felt inadequate when you compared yourself to others? Like you just didn’t measure up to your own expectations, and you pretended to be someone who you weren’t? We are all sometimes intimidated by other people’s abilities like confidence, communications skills, knowledge or even their looks. This desire to “be like them” drives us to do rash things to our bodies and sometimes to our relationships. What is this need that we sometimes seem to have to compare ourselves to others and wish we had what they had? How many times have we heard about some young teen girl who became anorexic, just to look like someone that she saw in a magazine, or another person who joined a gang, just to fit in, or another person who took up drinking or doing drugs, just to be accepted?

Of course, we all want to be accepted, and often we will do things that we wouldn’t normally do, just to get that recognition, but after it is all over, we are still the same person who stares back in the mirror, with our own quiver full of strengths and weaknesses… no more, no less. And wishing ourselves into another character or strength will not create them. We may wish that we were smarter, we may wish that we were better looking, or we may even wish that we were stronger, but we are what we are, and no amount of wishing will change that: actions will do a lot of it, but wishing won’t. We must learn to be authentic.

To be truly happy in life means accepting who you are, and what you have to offer. Much has been written on the importance of being yourself, or being authentic, but it all comes down to your decisions in life. I love what Chuck Swindoll said about this:

1. Know who you are.

2. Accept who you are.

3. Be who you are.

I would go further and add first, “Learn who you are”.

This week, dare to learn who you are so that you can be the most authentic person that you can be. Only then can you be truly happy.

Make this your best week ever.

Paul

For 22 years, Paul Kearley has thrived in the personal development and coaching business. As a Master Coach for the past 10 years, Paul’s passion is in developing and creating increased potential with both clients and other trainers. A columnist for two newspapers in Eastern Canada, and editor for his own weekly ezine, Paul writes articles that address the everyday challenges we all have and face in life and in business, and offers suggestions for success.

If you’d like to connect with Paul to discuss your personal or business strategies or to subscribe to “E-Motion” , simply send an e-mail to carnegie@nbnet.nb.ca, visit http://www.mustthinking.com or call 506 433 4722.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Paul_Kearley
http://EzineArticles.com/?On-Being-Authentic&id=480524

Filed Under: Self Esteem Tagged With: fitness, leadership, personal coaching, Relationships, self improvement, Success

Do You Have a Good Sense of Humor? Take the Quiz

August 8, 2010 By Guest Contributor Leave a Comment

By Carla Rieger

Plato once said that “Life was meant to be lived as play.” When I ask audience members if they have a sense of humor, I usually get 25 per cent of the group raising their hands. Yet, when I tell a joke, most of the audience laughs. I’d like to expand your understanding of yourself and humor. Underneath the word PLAYFULNESS are more specific terms such as humor and fun. Humor is the ability to give laughter or be the instigator of playfulness. This is the more yang, or masculine principle. Fun, on the other hand, is the ability to receive laughter. This is the more yin, or feminine, principle of playfulness. A useful metaphor may be that humor is the plug, and fun is the socket. The ability to be playful with life is to have both. Some people are good at receiving laughter; they can laugh at jokes or irony, but rarely express humor themselves. These people have a good sense of fun. Conversely, some people use humor often to instill laughter in others, yet may not be able to laugh themselves. Several professional comedians fall into this category. They have a good sense of humor, but not a good sense of fun. The ideal is to have both.

What Are Your Attitudes Towards Humor?

Before building on your sense of humor, it is important to do a personal attitude inventory. Read each statement and think about how often this is true for you…

A) Always   B) Mostly   C) Don't Know   D) Never

1. Life is hard, mostly a struggle. A B C D

2. When I work I have a lot of fun. A B C D

3. I find I worry a lot in life. A B C D

4. My mental health improves when I’m having fun. A B C D

5. Having fun seems to just get me into trouble as a presenter. A B C D

6. I laugh at myself when I make a mistake. A B C D

7. I feel overwhelmed by my responsibilities. A B C D

8. I take my responsibilities seriously, but myself lightly. A B C D

9. When I’m having fun, other people seem positively affected by me. A B C D

10. When I’m doing something that is just for fun, it feels like a waste of time. A B C D

11. I thrive on adventure. A B C D

12. I’m not playful when I work because there is too much to do. A B C D

13. I put off learning more about humor because I don’t have time. A B C D

14. I am grateful for my life, and make each moment count. A B C D

15. When I’m with a group of people socially it takes me a while to feel relaxed enough to be playful. A B C D

16. Using humor feels too risky. A B C D

17. I’m concerned people will think I’m stupid or foolish if I try to make them laugh. A B C D

18. People generally consider me a positive, upbeat person. A B C D

19. My audiences are usually poker-faced grouches who practice mirth control. A B C D

20. If I’m having fun at the front of the room, others feel uncomfortable. A B C D

21. The people I spend most of my time with are fun-loving people. A B C D

22. I look for what is wrong with a situation, before I look at what is right. A B C D

23. I have a good sense of humor; I can easily make people laugh. A B C D

24. When I was growing up, my family was humorously challenged. A B C D

25. I have a sunny disposition. A B C D

26. I laugh easily. A B C D

27. When things go wrong, I eventually find some angle on it that is funny. A B C D

28. Whenever I start to enjoy myself, I start to feel guilty. A B C D

29. I tend to see the glass as “half empty”. A B C D

30. My humor seems to hurt and/or offend people A B C D

31. I’m less self-conscious when I’m having fun. A B C D

32. I like to stay in control. Having fun often seems too chaotic. A B C D

33. I balance work and play in my life. A B C D

34. I make sure I take time to enjoy myself each day. A B C D

35. Most women aren’t very funny. A B C D

36. Women’s humor is just as valid as men’s. A B C D

Scoring

1.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

2.	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

3.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

4.	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

5.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

6.	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

7.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

8.	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

9.	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

10.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

11.	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

12.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

13.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

14.	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

15.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

16.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

17.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

18.	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

19.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

20.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

21.	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

22.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

23.	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

24.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

25.	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

26.	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

27.	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

28.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

29.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

30.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

31.	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

32.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

33.	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

34	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

35.	a.1	b.2	c.3	d.4

36	a.4	b.3	c.2	d.1

Total Score = ______________

Results

If your score was 117 or more, your attitude towards fun is a model for the rest of us.

If your score was 90-116, you are human. We all carry some negativity. You are still on your way towards a more joyous life. This book can help enhance that.

If your score was 63-115, your attitudes often repel wonderful, fun moments. Practicing new behaviors outlined in here, will help you re-write your inner script around fun.

If your score was under 62, you definitely need some help. But that’s okay, there is lots of help available. And, each moment is an opportunity for making new choices.

Carla Rieger is an expert on creative people skills at work. If you want a motivational speaker, trainer, or leadership coach to help you stay on the creative edge, contact Carla Rieger.

Web site: http://www.carlarieger.com
Tel: 1-866-294-2988
Email carla@carlarieger.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Carla_Rieger
http://EzineArticles.com/?Do-You-Have-a-Good-Sense-of-Humor?-Take-the-Quiz&id=97712

Filed Under: Humor Tagged With: communication, communication skills, communication types, Relationships, self improvement, self help, Sense Of Humor

Handling Criticism – “Do’s” and “Don’ts”

Live from the Flirt Factory

I Dare You to Move: Keys to Healthy Self Esteem

January 22, 2011 – Relationships

Relationship Resolutions for 2011

Learn to Love Imperfection

Christmas For One: Mental Health Over the Holidays

Live a Healthy Balanced Life

On Being Authentic

Do You Have a Good Sense of Humor? Take the Quiz

Lipstick and The Leash

An Interview with Christopner “Divinity” Dines

News and Other New Stuff

Listen to Yvonne Perry’s interview with Gaetano Vivo today at 2:55 CDT

Someone You Should Know

Book Reviews

The Oneness Gospel: Birthing the Christ Consciousness and Divine Human in You. A Review

Alpha Chick: Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power. A Review

Irene’s Articles

Cleaning out the clutter

Let’s put “Self” Back in Self Improvement