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Accepting Change in Your Life – Ready or Not

January 10, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Peri Coeurtney Enkin -

Sometimes the winds of change blow through my life and it seems as though everything is crumbling. When that happens here is what I usually do.

TRY TO FIX IT

First I try my best to run around and pick up the pieces thinking I will just put everything back in their original shape. Right!

DENY IT

Just like puzzle pieces that have become saturated with water and distorted, when it is time for a change, the pieces of my life do not fit together in the same way they used to. No matter how much squishing and pressing I do when there is no room there is no room. Denial only slows down the transformation process.

COMPLAIN AND WORRY

I may try to act calm on the surface while turmoil brews inside. I try to ignore the signals. I call my friends to complain. I wake up in the night worrying.

ATTEMPT TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT

I try to figure out what I am doing wrong. Guess what? This does not work either. In fact none of the above work in my favor for very long.

Finally when I have thoroughly worn out my resistance to change – or when I remember that I have other options I do what works.

RELAX AND SURRENDER CONTROL

By the time I finally realize that no amount of stress and worry and orchestration on my part is going to get me the results I want I have already struggled myself into exhaustion. That is when I might finally surrender control and begin to relax.

ACCEPT

I can be relentless in my effort to control the external events of my life and it often takes pure frustration before I realize this very important fact: The old life – condition, situation, relationship – whatever – is changing, and I would do much better to accept that fact.

BE ACCOUNTABLE

Ease begins to enter the scene in the moment that I am conscious enough to remember this: I have been passionately praying, visualizing, setting my inner compass and writing in my journal about the new life I want to create, for many months. Why is it such a surprise to me when my old life falls apart? I asked for a new one!

REALIZATION AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

I am the one who has set the very changes I am resisting into motion in the first place!

When we acknowledge our desires and define our hopes we set powerful creative forces in motion. Within the creative process there are periods of time when, what is old and outdated naturally decays and must dissolve in order to make room for what is coming.

Having been through major life upheavals more than once in my life I now recognize the signs more quickly. Often changes still take me by surprise. I find it helps when I am diligent in my self-care. It is best when I maintain the practices that keep me centered at my core. And sometimes I need to rely on the people who care about me for comfort and support during wobbly times before the land of my new life is formed.

EXCITEMENT AND ENTHUSIASM

A sign that I am well on my way to living a new vibration, and attracting the new life I have desired is when I shift from resisting change to celebrating it. When my excitement and enthusiasm returns I am back in the flow of the dreams that I have set in motion.

And then there are only two things that need my attention.

TRUST

I need to make a choice to trust life and it’s magnificent unfolding.

LISTEN TO INTUITIONS

And I need to listen deeply for the intuitive hunches and gut knowing that guides me one step after another into the changes I have called forward.

Change is not logical. It is also something we human beings are not entirely comfortable with. If you are facing change, in any room of your life right now, I invite you to remember that you are the force that has initiated what is happening.

Peri Coeurtney Enkin is the Founder of Creators Choice™ Online School for Whole Life Fulfillment with many new programs coming soon. She lives on the Big Island of Hawaii and mentors clients around the world through Tele-Classes and Private Mentoring Programs including Aware Entrepreneurs, Your Issue Now! and The Turnaround – A Curriculum for a Fulfilling Lifestyle.

[http://www.theturnaroundnow.com]

Pick up a free report Get Unstuck Now and Listen to a free pre-recorded Tele-Class – Six Essential Steps to move from Victim to Self-Empowerment. http://www.creatorschoice.com

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Accepting Change – How to Roll With the Punches

January 10, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By John Charest -

If the road of life were a nice straight road, life would be so much easier to navigate. We would have the ability to see far into the future and we would always have time to prepare for that storm that we see in the distance. We would have fewer anxieties knowing that there wasn’t anything around the corner to surprise us.

Unfortunately we know that this is not the case. The path of life is in fact filled with many bumps, twists and turns with too many lurking surprises around each corner. Especially those surprises that tend to blindside us on a typical afternoon. There are always smooth sections on the road of life, and these are times in our lives when we everything is good. Then the unexpected happens and we find ourselves going in a new and unforeseen direction.

These are what we call times of test. They test our character, our attitudes and our resolve. Sometimes these events can shake us down to our very core. This is what we call the real “road of life.” It’s the good and the bad, the ups and the downs and everything in between.

As hard as we may work to try and reach our goals and stay focused on the things that are important to us, we’ll all at different times in our lives face dark and difficult times. It’s at this point when we stop and say…”Why Me?”…”What did I do to deserve this?” or “I don’t have time for this crisis in my life right now!”

Many of us will react by refusing to accept and trying to resist this sudden turn of events on our lives with the false belief that it will make a difference in the situation. Rather, resisting will only make things worse and more difficult to deal with in a rational way.

Often times in our lives, problems are created not only from the unexpected events but also from our inability to accept the fact that they are happening to us and this resistance can compound the situation and make it much worse.

If you choose to resist the most challenging parts of your life, you’re likely to find yourself facing more unexpectedness than you would like.

The universe and nature are constantly in a state of change. This is a change that we all live within and with all this change comes challenges.

The first step to preparing ourselves to handle life’s little surprises is by learning to expect the unexpected. We can begin doing this by raising our level of consciousness to the understanding that challenges are as certain to enter our lives as the sun is to rise each day.

By first expecting those things that we don’t expect we’ll be more prepared to accept them as part of life’s path.

Live each day with the understanding to not only accept the good things that will occur but live to embrace each and every challenge, bump, twist and turn on the road that you call “your life”.

Learn to live and work through every difficulty that your life offers you everyday. Learn to face each challenge with the understanding that life’s is not about backing away from our challenges but more about discovering the strengths that will get us through the difficult times. Learn to accept and learn to love the people that are important to you whether you find yourself in good or bad times.

Then learn to expect the unexpected.

John Charest is the author of hundreds of exclusive daily inspirational quotes created to inspire people to achieve self empowerment, become better positive parents and build stronger families. His website “Your Daily Inspiration” http://www.daily-inspirational-quotes.net offers his uniquely created quotes each weekday and serves up thousands of pages to over 90 countries on tips, strategies and ideas for inspiring a better self, better parent and stronger family.

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Fostering Resilience in Hard Times

November 10, 2011 By 2 Comments

By John Mondello -

Since the start of what some are calling “The Great Recession,” many of us have had to deal with the loss of financial resources and job security, and the struggling economy has made it difficult to hope for a brighter future. Many have had to curb spending, taken second jobs, or even put off retirement. How does one deal internally with the added anxiety and an overwhelming sense of uncertainty. In short, how do we foster resilience in today’s world.

The American Psychological Association defines resilience as “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress — such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace and financial stressors. It means “bouncing back” from difficult experiences.” Studies have shown that resilience isn’t a trait that an individual is born with, but involves thoughts, behaviors and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone. There are some key ways to foster resilience within ourselves.

Nurture and Reconnect with Caring and Supportive Relationships.

The first and most important factor is having caring and supportive family, friends and acquaintances. Trusting relationships that create love, provide role models, and offer encouragement and reassurance help bolster ones personal resilience. In the everyday grind of daily work and family life, we sometimes forget to maintain connections with friends, family and loved ones. One can identify supportive relationships and reestablish connections through reaching out, planning a reunion, or even taking the time for a long overdue phone call.

Identify and take part in activities that promote mental and physical health.

Proactively establishing a daily regimen of activities that nurture spiritual and mental health prepares us when stressors or traumas arise unexpectedly. Daily exercise and good nutrition can bolster both mental and physical health. Taking time for activities that are enjoyable and relaxing can help us de-stress. Of course limit activities that involve quick fixes, such as that extra helping of food or mind altering substances. They can drain our resources and lead to health or addiction problems when relied on regularly as a coping strategy.

Become solution oriented.

Studies have shown that resilient people have good problem solving skills, and they react to crisis with action rather then immobility. It’s not that they don’t feel emotional pain or stress over difficult circumstances, however, they focus on solutions rather then circumstance outside their control. This is sometimes easier said then done, so breaking down possible courses of action into small achievable steps can foster feelings of self reliance and esteem.

Try to see the big picture.

Sometimes it’s easy to become mired down and excessively focused on the event or stressor. Resilient persons tend to have a long term perspective and to see things in a broader context. Try to perceive things within the scope of our lifetimes. Often looking back to times when we’ve overcome events that at the time seemed insurmountable can help us do so.

Accept and express your emotions or grief.

Strong emotions and sadness can consume us when we keep them to ourselves, or worse deny that they exist at all. They tend to lose there power to immobilize us when we allow ourselves to accept them, and especially when we express them to others. Reaching out to a supportive friend or loved one and verbalizing feelings can be cathartic and help one move forward. Accurately identifying and expressing emotions can help us manage them more effectively.

Identify and strengthen a sense of spirituality.

People who have survived insurmountable odds often have one thing in common. They tend to have strong spiritual beliefs and see themselves as part of a larger purpose. A sense of spirituality can be fostered in many ways depending on a person’s belief system and values. It can mean consistently and actively practicing your religion, volunteering, feeling a part of or spending time in nature, or simply being an active part of the community. So identifying whatever nurtures our own spirituality and moving toward that can provide strength in times of adversity.

Reach out in times of need.

As stated in factor one, persons who demonstrate resilience are connected to others, and have strong social support networks. They recognize that self reliance is important, yet also readily reach out to others in times of difficulty. Recognizing and accepting that we can’t go it alone can be our strength, rather then a weakness. This can be reaching out to a friend or loved one, joining a community or self help group, or if need be seeking the help of a licensed mental health professional. It is important to get professional help if you feel like you are unable to complete everyday activities or function as a result of traumatic or stressful life experiences.

Often we marvel at that person who seems to bounce back readily with a positive spirit in the face of hardship, loss, or adversity. In reality, we all have the potential to build on our own inner resources and foster the resilience within ourselves. Certainly the state of the world and the economy are overwhelming, however, incorporating the above factors into our life can help us stay healthy until the better times that are sure to come.

John Mondello is a psychotherapist and licensed health care professional who specializes in Anxiety Disorders and Depression. He can be reached at (845) 752- 3377 or johnmondello@counselingforanxiety.com. Check out his website at http://www.counselingforanxiety.com.

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Tuesday, October 18, 2011 – Resilience

October 18, 2011 By Leave a Comment

“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.”

- Pema Chodron

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Resilience – How to Rebound From the Toughest Challenges in Life and Love

October 18, 2011 By 1 Comment

By Hadley Finch -

You can face any challenge when you understand who you really are and how to tap into the immense power inside you. When you remember your greatness, you never have to settle in life nor in love. You’re about to learn how to look at life from an energy perspective and use your mind to change your life and thrive now.

Einstein proved that everything is energy, including us. As energetic beings, we need energetic healing. To explain how we heal with energy, I interviewed Suzette Foster, a life coach and holistic healer who credits her energetic healing techniques for her miraculous recovery from a broken neck and paralysis in 2005.

Suzette had the same injury as Christopher Reeve, was immediately paralyzed, couldn’t speak and stopped breathing. Even her Duke neurologist said she should have been dead at the scene of her biking accident or a quadriplegic. Suzette not only survived, but she now enjoys a healthy active lifestyle, including hiking, biking and dancing. She says the energetic healing techniques she used to survive and thrive can also be used to bring in money, a better career, better relationships and health.

What is Suzette’s energetic secret?

As an expert holistic healer, she already knew at the moment of her life-threatening paralysis that her body would respond to her mind’s intentions. So she stayed calm and said in her mind, “I refuse to accept this limitation. I turn to my source.”

She instantly felt a lightning bolt of energy go through her body like a shock. She repeated this thought in her mind again, and then a second lightning bolt shook her paralyzed arm, restarted her breathing and revived her ability to speak. She says this is the untapped energy that we all have available to us. Yet she still couldn’t move her body.

When paramedics transported her to the E-R of Duke University Hospital, Suzette didn’t focus on the fact she was fully paralyzed. She whispered to the medical team, “See me dancing.”

When she survived risky surgery to bolt together two pieces of her broken neck, Suzette asked the ICU team to remove pain meds from her I-V. Once again, she used her mind and her source to rise above feelings of pain.

What is her source?

Some call this energy God or the higher power. Suzette says it doesn’t matter what you call it, but it’s important to get aligned with the energetic field that surrounds us and get it to work for you.

She focused this energy force into her full recovery and was released from the hospital in a week. She slowly taught herself to move and walk, astonishing the skeptical doctors who had said she’d never walk again.

Suzette claims that the energetic force is available to all of us, when we know how to access it. The best way to do this is to keep your focus on the solutions instead of the problems, so you allow your energy to flow into solutions you want to bring about. What you focus on, you attract–that’s the law of attraction in action.

I often tell my online community, “What you see will be, when you take right action.” Researchers tell us that positive thoughts are not enough to rewire the brain of habitual negative thinkers. New actions also are needed to make lasting positive changes. And it’s wise to visualize what you want and look at your challenges as opportunities to grow.

As you consider Suzette Foster’s life-threatening injury and miraculous recovery from paralysis and a broken neck, I’d like you to think about what’s broken in your life, your work and your relationships.

Are you paralyzed by negative thinking or hurtful habits? Will you focus your thought energy and actions on solutions so you survive the toughest challenges and thrive in life and love?

About the Author:

Hadley Finch, is America’s Red Hot Love Guide and Founder of Tribe of Singles, the only online dating site exclusively for resilient optimists who believe in great love. Her expert love, dating and relationship advice will help you get the red hot love life you deserve!

So if you’re single, financially secure, emotionally available with a healthy libido and good sense of fun, please accept your invitation to meet your Great Love today at www.tribeofsingles.com

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Monday, September 26, 2011 – Resilience

September 26, 2011 By Leave a Comment
You can get sympathy or you can get better but you can’t get both. You can be in your comfort zone or you can have growth, but you can’t have both. You can be interested or you can be sold-out-committed, but you can’t entertain both. You can have excuses or have results, but you can’t do both. Choose the path that develops your visceral fortitude.
- Mario Cortes
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Resilience – Live a No-Limits Life in Chaotic Times

September 26, 2011 By Leave a Comment

By Davender Gupta -

How successful are you at staying balanced during these chaotic times? If you are like the majority of people, probably not as well as you’d like… What if you redefined what “balance” means to you? Instead of aiming for balance, look at how you respond to the various changes and demands that come your way each day… How much energy are you spending resisting change around you, wishing that you could be in control? Time is finite, and you will always have other people’s priorities compete with your own for your time. You can’t control that.

We spend so much of our emotional energy trying to find balance in life. We feel angst because we haven’t found the “right proportion”. We talk about “quality time” with our kids, we’d rather have some quantity time. Our workdays are getting longer and our tools follow us everywhere, taking us away from what we really want to do.

In seeking balance, it is easy to default to the measures we use to understand so much of our world: how much time we spend in each area, or how much money we spend in each area. Then we make it even more difficult by seeing life as a zero-sum game. Time you spend working takes away from your personal life. Time spent at your personal life takes away from your work. Yet reality is very different. Does it happen that you think about your work project when you’re in bed, or with your kids? Does it happen that you think about your kids or your hobby when you’re at work?

With the intellectualization of our work in the knowledge economy, the line between working and living is blurring. Instead of trying to expand what is not expandable, can there be another way to look at having a more “rounded” life?

Look at a tree swaying in the wind on a blustery day. The tree stays rooted yet it sways in response to the winds.

The strength of the tree allows it to stay put. It gives the tree substance and structure. The core of the tree is where the strength is.

The flexibility of the tree allows it to sway with the wind, adapting to changing conditions of heat, light and wind around the tree. If the core of the tree is too stiff, the slightest breeze could cause it to snap. If the core of the tree is not strong enough, the tree cannot grow properly and will be all twisted and bent.

How the tree fares in the face of chaotic, blustery winds illustrates the resilience of the tree. Resilience is a combination of strength and flexibility. Resilience is a property that captures how you adapt to change around you.

Change is necessary for growth, if there is no change around you, then you can’t grow. Adopting a resilient point of view allows you to grow when there is great chaos around you, to grow in a way that builds on your life mission and the vision that you want to create.

A solopreneur who leads life consciously, moving with purpose towards a grand vision, has to learn to integrate strength and flexibility, in order to adapt to the chaotic competing priorities of life. By learning to consciously direct your strength and develop your flexibility, you can integrate four elements that you can control at all times: Passion, Purpose, Spirit and Soul.

Passion is how you create your emotional energy. Purpose is about the tangible results you create. Spirit is how you connect to the people and the world around you, and Soul is how you align your mission, vision and values. Together, these elements generate the vital energy you need to feel fulfilled and happy.

Focus on maximizing these fundamental Life Areas, and the right mix of work, family and personal investment will emerge, a integration that’s appropriate for what you want out of life in the present moment. And because resilience is an energy-based concept, it does not have to be a zero sum game. As you get more in touch with your four Life Areas of Passion, Purpose, Spirit and Soul, you gain access to more energy, which makes life more energized, positive and fun.

Leading a resilient life allows you to live life to the fullest, with no compromises or limitations. And isn’t that what we all seek?

Davender Gupta is a business leadership coach and Certified “Book Yourself Solid” Coach whose mission is to guide passion-driven solopreneurs, professionals and people with Big Dreams to accelerate their Vision from Passion to Profit. Join the discussion on his blog frompassiontoprofit.com and his main site coachdavender.com He welcomes your questions by e-mail at coach@davender.com or by phone, toll-free, at 1-888-788-8844.

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Tuesday, June 14, 2011 – Resilience

June 14, 2011 By Leave a Comment

“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.” Pema Chodron

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The Components of Personal Resilience

June 14, 2011 By Leave a Comment

By Graham Yemm -

There is a growing amount of research and publicity about the power of personal resilience when managing pressure and avoiding stress. Despite this, many organisations still want to focus on stress management or wellbeing programmes. Although these are better than nothing maybe they, and their personnel, would benefit more from putting the attention onto developing people’s personal resilience. (There is a strong argument for also addressing organisational influence at the same time.)

Resilience has many definitions from the “ability to bounce back” to “The ability to withstand adverse events and stressful situations without falling apart, by actively and positively coping with stress” (Stein and Book) Whatever your preference for definitions, you can probably identify certain times and situations where you feel more capable and resilient. Maybe you can use these to learn from and expand the range of situations where you can respond more resiliently?

We have identified 6 components which we believe are fundamental to personal resilience. Each of these can be developed and thought of as a work in progress which you keep improving. Not only will strengthening them help to increase your personal resilience they will help you in many other aspects of your life.

Sense of purpose

Probably the core component of the six. It is the foundation for the all of the others. Not everyone is clear about their purpose and it is frequently something that you can define as you move through life. The stronger your sense of purpose the better equipped you are to handle challenges and setbacks and to recover from them. If you are not clear, it can lead to feelings of frustration or aimlessness. Being able to identify this can help you to feel you are having a more meaningful life. Do you understand the purpose in all the activities you engage in or do you experience a frustrating sense of why you are there?

For many people their sense of purpose is around one of the following, or a combination:

people – interests or hobbies – religion or spirituality – personal achievement or ambition

Positive realism

This component is something of a balancing act, between being able to think positively about situations and events whilst being realistic about what can be achieved. (It is not about some naive false optimism!) It involves being able to generate positive thoughts and feelings about situations. If you slip towards the other side, ask what do you gain by taking that more negative view of things? Practise seeing the glass half full, look at the positive and you will start to feel different. At the same time, a healthy dose of realism is good. It reduces the chance of having unreasonable expectations and subsequent disappointment. Keep things in perspective and it will help you to achieve these aims. Whether thinking about what might happen, or reflecting on things from the past, think positively and with the realistic perspective. Focusing on what is in front of you now can support this approach.

Relationships

People matter to us. Supporting and caring relationships are essential. Your interpersonal communication and skills can be an important element of your ability to be resilient and how well you can handle difficult situations or times. Having people around who you can reach out to when you need support or help is a real asset. (Provided you are open to doing so and do not think it is a weakness to seek support.) It is also powerful to be able to offer help and support to others when they need it. Developing your interpersonal skills to be able to adapt to a wide variety of people and interactions can help reduce the possible pressures created in difficult relationships.

Determination yet open-minded and flexible

How good are you at seeing things through? When faced with challenges do you deal with them by having a “can do” approach, being proactive and taking action? This component considers how well you finish tasks and things which you have started. Are you able to keep going in the face of adversity rather than giving up? Your ability to persevere when confronted with difficulty will help your resilience. An important part of this is your ability to be adaptable and open-minded. Rather than being closed minded in your determination, resilience is helped if you can be flexible in your approach to things. It prevents any tendency to keep repeating the same behaviours to similar situations and expecting different results! A willingness to explore options and alternatives will always provide you with a greater range of choices to deal with situations.

Self-Awareness

This refers to your knowledge of your inner self and how you think, feel and react. What are the patterns you have in the way we think about, or respond to, different situations and challenges? Can you identify the positive, more helpful ones – and those which might be less positive? Resilient people are able to identify the causes of their success and any failures and learn from them. They will accept responsibility for their actions and reactions. They recognise what challenges or situations are beyond their control and that the part which is in their control is how they think and react. Assess your own habits about your thoughts, do you live in the present and future, or keep going back to the past?

Self-management -self-reliance

This component is somewhat more pragmatic as it considers how well you know, and use your strengths and skills and recognise your limitations. Both at work and home, do you manage your time and only take on what you can handle realistically? Over-commitment is a major source of pressure for many. Aim to get your work-life balance at the right level for you and those around you. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions. As you build your own reliance you can become stronger at doing this. Looking after yourself is also important. Your health, lifestyle and even amount or relaxation and sleep will help towards your resilience.

For organisations, you can really benefit from helping your people to introduce some initiatives to help them increase their personal resilience. We know that stress costs your business, both directly and indirectly. Why wait until it becomes a problem? Support your people by working on prevention and start offering some personal resilience training or help.

Individuals can use various ways to assess themselves. Discussion with friends or colleagues, self-assessment, coaching or taking some sort of profile or questionnaire. (You could try our Personal Resilience Index!) Identify where you feel you could improve and where you feel you are strong. Think about your preferences or choices for how you could develop in the areas you want and take some action. Ultimately, it will help you with your quality of life and potentially help in all areas.

Graham Yemm is a partner in Managing Pressure and has 20 years of experience of working with organisations and individuals, internationally and in the UK, to help them manage time more effectively and to deal with pressure and stress. He can be reached through info@managingpressure.com or             +44 1483 480656      .

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March 13, 2011 Resilience

March 13, 2011 By Leave a Comment

In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, to struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life.
~ Albert Bandura

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