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Enhancing Your Self-Esteem: 5 Principles to Remember

November 21, 2010 By 1 Comment

By Steve Brunkhorst -

Self-esteem enhances performance in every area of life. It is an abundant supply of positive self-regard and recognition of the Creator’s unique gifts to you. It is a favorable opinion of self without feeling the need to prove your worth.

Encouragement given to others is a great catalyst for their achievement, and it is the same for you. When you encourage yourself, you feel more decisive. You are able to tap your potential more quickly.

Here are five important principles to remember about self-esteem:

1. Those with high self-esteem take complete responsibility for what happens in their lives. Instead

of wasting time finding fault, they look for ways to change themselves to create new circumstances.

2. Self-esteem does not need outward approval. It is sufficient in and of itself.The individual will accept

other’s approval with gratitude, but intuitively knows when he or she has done well.

3. Self-esteem sees from a perspective of abundance, not scarcity. It carries the confidence to ask for and accept with gratitude a limitless supply of God’s love and goodness.

4. Self-esteem is filled with faith and forgiveness. The person believes that they can have the life they

desire. They trust their creative ability enough to reach for their dreams. They forgive themselves when

missing the mark, and continue toward their objectives with tenacity and resolve.

5. Building high self-esteem after feeling low self-esteem is a process. It is helpful to spend time each

day focusing on things done well. Record each of your successes. Congratulate yourself for the smallest

victories.

Take a few moments each day to focus on and reinforce your strengths and potential. You’ll be pleased with what you discover.

Wishing you blessings and success,

Steve Brunkhorst

© Copyright by Steve Brunkhorst. All rights reserved worldwide. Reprinted from Achieve! 60-Second Nuggets of Inspiration bringing great stories, motivational nuggets, and inspiring thoughts to help you achieve more in your personal life and career. Get the next issue by visiting http://www.AchieveEzine.com

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Who’s In Charge Here?

April 6, 2010 By 2 Comments

chooseBy Irene Conlan -

Sometimes I forget who’s in charge. It doesn’t matter who I’m with, who I’m married to, who my children are, who my friends are, who I work for, what’s happening around me, how much money I have or don’t have, how fat or thin I am . . . or whatever. I am in charge of how I feel! I am in charge of my own happiness. No one can make me unhappy except me.

You ask, “Are you kidding me?”

No. I’m absolutely serious.

I cannot control what happens around me. I cannot control what other people do or what they say. But I can control how I react to it and I can control, to some extent, who I spend my time with. I can control what I accept or reject and what I think about.

It is easy to fall into the trap of complaining, over reacting, gossiping, playing the blame-game, and playing “can you top this” in terms of who has it the worst. With practice, you can learn to avoid that and to to shut out much of the negativity that is spewing around you.

Have you ever heard the little saying some children use now and then, “You’re not the boss of me?” Well, I have no boss when it comes to how I feel. So if I feel bad, sad, down or indifferent, I’m responsible.

I’m not saying that there are never circumstances that cause you to react in the moment and create sadness, grief, fear – a negative reaction in the present. It’s hard to sing and be joyful when you’ve lost your job or your child is ill or you just smashed your finger with the hammer or crashed your car. You deal with what’s at hand the best you can and return yourself to a happy frame of mind as soon as you can.

Happiness is a state of being, a state of mind,  a way of thinking and feeling over the long term and it gets easier to sustain the more you practice it. Notice the word “practice.”

So what are the steps to creating and maintaining a state of happiness? How do I learn to choose to be happy on a regular basis?

1. Be aware - pay attention to your thoughts. If you are always expecting the worse thing to happen, that is what you will notice and that is what you will react to. If you are expecting the best things to happen, you will notice those. If you are thinking “poor me” you will feel put upon and less-than (like Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh). If you are thinking, “lucky me” you will become “lucky you.” You wet the tone for how you react by the thoughts you think. Pay attention.

2. Make a decision – In most situations you have a chance  to make a decision about how you will react. (Even in disasters you can make a decision) Are you going to over react and pitch a fit? Or are you going to pull yourself together and remain on the high road?  Are you going to remain calm and gather all the facts and see all sides before you jump in with both feet. Many people are injured every year by jumping to conclusions. Don’t be one of them

3. See the big picture. The moment may be tough but the total hour/day/week/month/year/life may be fabulous. Don’t get lost in the bad moment.

4. Shut out as much negativity as possible – Choose your friends well. Monitor what comes in over the radio, TV, phone, etc. Don’t buy in to the negative. Yes, there are troubles in the world. Letting them infect and affect you will not solve the world’s problem.

5. Smile.

You’re in charge here. The payoff of choosing happiness is really big.

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Are you a kid, an adult or a grownup?

March 4, 2010 By 1 Comment

family (2)Yesterday my web developer son and I had a discussion about how we can expand this blog and make it better. How can we categorize articles better?  How can we include more age groups gracefully? How can we open it up to more authors? These were a few of the questions we put on the table and are still working on.

The part of the conversation that intrigues me was about age groups. We want to do more for young people and those who are retired, but most of the words that describe these two groups are either lame or insulting. He came up with the three categories: kids, adults, and grownups. Think about it.

Kids comprise the group that’s still in school, need some parental input or supervision, aren’t of legal age, and rely on someone else for support. Until you start to school you’re a child. Kids are bigger, know more, (think they know everything) are still learning but need help “making it” financially and perhaps emotionally.

Adults have finished school except for the occasional self help program or CEU. They have jobs,are dating or have spouses, shoulder responsibility, are old enough to do things that have legal sanction like vote, drive, and drink and can make independent decisions. They just haven’t weathered yet, or, like fine wine, aged to perfection.

Grownups are those who have raised children or done the life equivalent in terms of service and/or suffering. (Yes, I think suffering comes in here because surviving it usually brings some degree of wisdom).  They may be looking back as much as they are looking forward. They are known for their positive attitude, their common sense and wisdom, and their knowledge and ability in a number of areas. They may be planning for or enjoying retirement but they are active and pro active in life.

I think we go in and out of these groupings although we may inhabit one the majority of the time. In each group we have different needs, wants,  want tos and long fors and we need and want different information. We may also enjoy different things and enjoy things differently as we move from one group to another.

This is a rough idea of where we’re headed. I would love to know your thoughts on it. I would love for you to help me expand and better define each group. So let me hear from you.

In thinking about the grownup group I remembered a poem that has long been one of my favorites – I think it describes the grownup group well.

Finding Her Here
Jayne Relaford Brown

I am becoming the woman I’ve wanted,
grey at the temples,soft body, delighted,
cracked up by life
with a laugh that’s known bitter
but, past it, got better,
knows she’s a survivor -
that whatever comes,
she can outlast it. I am becoming a deep
weathered basket.

I am becoming the woman I’ve longed for,
the motherly lover,
with arms strong and tender,
the growing up daughter
who blushes surprises. I am becoming
full moons and sunrises.

I find her becoming,
this woman I’ve wanted,
who knows she’ll encompass,
who knows she’s sufficient,
knows where she’s going
and travels with passion.Who remembers she’s precious,
but knows she’s not scarce- who knows she is plenty,
plenty to share.

Taken from the book,  I Am Becoming the Woman I’ve Wanted, An Anthology by Anna Price-Orneglia. Paper-Mache Press, Watsonville, CA, 1994

Now, that describes a grown up!

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What would you have done in Richmond to help the girl?

October 30, 2009 By 1 Comment

domestic-violence1

By Irene Conlan -

A fifteen year old girl was held for two hours and raped repeatedly in a dark place on the campus of a local high school.  Six men ranging in age from 15 to 21 have been arrested. It’s interesting that they were wearing bulletproof vests. They must have expected some serious trouble for what they planned to do that night. Of course they’re innocent until proven guilty.

But as horrible as the acts they committed are the acts of the bystanders – an estimated twp dozen people.  Some took pictures on their cell phones. Some cheered.  Some laughed. Approximately 24 people stood around watching a 15 year old girl being raped over and over. No one did anything to help the girl. Some said they were afraid they would be victims as well if they did anything to help.

Couldn’t at least one person have walked away and called for help?

Where on earth were the security guards that were supposed to be guarding the perimeter of the school?  Not even they were available to help this girl. Would they have been afraid as well?

The girl was released from the hospital but no one said how damaged she was, how her life will never be the same. No one is talking about the nightmares, the terror, the guilt and shame she will most likely experience for the rest of her life. Guilt and shame? Yes. Most rape victims carry great guilt and shame because society makes them the guilty one (“She must have led them on,” they say) and because her own mind tries to find a reason for the heinous thing that happened to her.  Six (or more) men left her still living but, in essence, they took her life that night.

Have we as a society lost our sense of honor? Lost our courage to stand up for what’s right? We read about super heroes in the comic books and watch them in the movies and on TV, but where is someone with just a little courage when another human being is in serious danger and is being  violated?

One of the girls there, the one who eventually called the police, told a reporter, “They think it’s cool. They weren’t raised to respect girls.”  http://www.contracostatimes.com/news/ci_/ci_13669616?nclick_check=1

That same reporter/editorial writer goes on to write:

We do not, as a society, respect girls. We teach them from birth that sexy is cute, sexy is beautiful, sexy is the way to get attention. From baby shirts that say “Hot Chick” to preschool dance classes where little girls learn to bump and grind, there’s no escaping it. By the time they’re in middle school, girls know that sexy gets more attention from boys than brainy or athletic or tough.

About boys he writes:

But I think it’s even harder for parents of boys. How do you raise a son to be caring and responsible in a culture that too often portrays women as whores and men as warriors and thugs? Movies and video games turn killing into harmless fun. The men carry guns and slap their women around. And the women keep coming back for more.

So, does this excuse it? Absolutely not! The boys who did this are in need of  serious help. No one has taught them how to be men. They are cowards who must rely on their group or gang for courage. But there is no excuse.

Nor is there excuse for the bystanders. They, too, are cowards afraid to stand up for what’s right.

What would you have done? I like to think that I would have at least slipped away and called for help – on the phone and at the dance where the security guards were hanging out.

What can we do to re-establish honor and respect for one another? It is a very complex problem. How do we teach men not to hit women? How do we teach women to respect themselves? How do we help young people learn “Your freedom ends where my nose begins?”

Isn’t self improvement concerned with courage, compassion, and responding to calls for help from those in need or in trouble?  I like to think so.

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