By Neil Tepper, The Creativity Doctor -
I asked a couples-therapist friend recently what she observed as the most prevalent issue married couples have these days. She said it’s always the same thing: expectations versus reality.
What I took away from our conversation was that when couples commit to each other, reality is somehow collapsed so that the concept of “one-ness” becomes a fantasy world unto itself – where the sole inhabitants of that world suddenly expect all their needs and desires to be satisfied by the other inhabitant.
No matter the nature of the relationship – romantic lovers, parent-child, business partner – it’s pure fantasy to expect someone else to be responsible for our own happiness. In fact, this “unreality” can quickly turn to tragedy because try as we might and hope as we do, it’s just not possible for any person or thing outside of ourselves to make us happy.
Valentine’s Day is a perfect time to test this theory, especially if you find yourself alone for the “Event.” Since we can’t “expect” another person to be responsible for our happiness, it’s a wonderful opportunity to practice SELF-love.
In my recent article “Romancing the One” here on The Self Improvement Blog, I suggested that a “single” can experience a very happy Valentine’s Day by being creative and living “as if” they had a partner for the evening. This could be as simple as buying a flower, a bottle of wine and a Milky Way bar (cut into tiny squares on a fine serving plate) and dancing around the house to their favorite music. “Romancing the One,” I call it.
Valentine’s Day is a good time – even if you ARE in a relationship – to see where else in your life you are being unrealistic in expecting other people and things outside yourself to satisfy your desires for happiness.
Oh, by the way, I guess you figured out that you can’t take responsibility for anyone else’s happiness, either.
