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What You Think of Me is Absolutely None of My Business

January 31, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Steve Wickham -

IT MIGHT sound rather obvious, but we can’t affect the thinking of other people. In fact, you might even say,

Tell me something we don’t already know, and don’t waste my time with such obvious statements of fact!

But, there’s a practical difference between knowing this truth and really living it.

This truth of not being able to overtly influence others’ perceptions of us is probably one of the most powerfully empowering concepts known to human experience. There’s a level of true mature acceptance involved in really taking hold of this.

‘What you think of me’:

  • Messes with my mind if I dwell upon it i.e. what I think you’re thinking. Then my perception of you and our interaction is slanted toward a reality that cannot, in fact, be real–it has “me” all over it, not “us” plus the situational context;
  • Is based only on what you see–a separate reality to mine. No matter how much I try I cannot see as you see;
  • May impact upon me and will cause me to reflect upon our interactions, and I can’t help that. How I reflect and the conclusions and attributions I draw from my reflections are my responsibility entirely;
  • Cannot and should not ever become a concern of mine unless it becomes an issue for you to broach with me–then I need to work with you toward a win/win outcome if that’s at all possible;
  • Tells me, if I’m intuitive, what I (and only I) can do to improve or maintain things between us. If I’m ‘picking up’ anything intuitively, I’ll check with you first to ensure there is a truth basis to it;
  • Is important, but only to the extent that it helps us to just be ourselves together.

Mind games are no fun, not for the person suffering them or for the persons impacted on the other side of things.

We are best to discipline ourselves and hold ourselves to account, reacting to things only of pure fact. We’ll hence be amazed at what is not there!

© S. J. Wickham, 2009.

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, MSIA, RSP) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min).

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3 Common Myth About Self-Esteem

January 29, 2012 By 1 Comment

By Olaf Schwennesen

Myth #1: Self-esteem depends on external factors

“If only I were successful, rich, famous, beautiful, slim, fit… than I would have high self-esteem,” reflects a common and, it turns out, false idea. Wealth and a solid self-esteem may coincide, but there is only a tenuous link between them. Self-esteem that is based on external conditions is prone to crumble when those conditions subside. In fact, you can point to people who manifest any or even all of the factors mentioned above and you will nonetheless find a considerable amount of people with low self-esteem among them. A long-term, healthy self-esteem should not be conditional and depend on external factors. Conditional self-esteem is like paying with Monopoly money. One day you’ll be busted.

Myth #2: Self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves

“Change the way you think about yourself and you change your self-esteem.” That motto seems to be the governing rule of most of the books about self-esteem. Although partly true there is more to it than meets the eye. The findings of depth psychology show that there are underlying, unconscious motives that are able to move us in mysterious ways, thus damaging our self-esteem. But those motives have nothing to do with what we think about ourselves. If we don’t make ourselves conscious of them and alter them, working with thoughts and beliefs will be fruitless and undermined.

Myth #3: Healing low self-esteem necessitates digging in the past

“To understand the root of your problems you have to investigate the past.” This is probably the most common myth relating to self-esteem It stems from the classical setting of Sigmund Freud, according to which you have to lie down and talk ( and talk and talk) about your past. The idea behind it is that once you know what happened in your past, you are cured. That myth is fostered by popular culture. Just think of the movies by Alfred Hitchcock or Woody Allen: After painfully scrutinizing her life, all of a sudden, the heroine realizes why she is afraid of thunderstorms and the color green, curing her miraculously of that dreadful diarrhea due to eating cucumber amidst severe weather.

Sadly, for the loss of time (Woody Allen spent 30 years undergoing psychoanalysis. Ask him, if he feels any better.) and money, under�standing the past only rarely helps to heal a damaged self-esteem. Besides factors that are constitutional, like temperament or a proneness to anxiety, it is the specific lessons we draw from an experiences of the past that are of crucial importance. If you want to overcome low self-esteem, you have to tackle those inhibiting conclusions and their ensuing consequences.

Overcome low self-esteem, gain self-confidence, build inner strength, and reclaim your true self-worth for good. Learn more about this new, integrative approach and visit http://www.naturalselfesteem.com.

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She Stole My Idea and I Don’t Know What to Do

January 16, 2012 By 1 Comment

By Bonnie Marcus -

Sometimes ideas come to me at the strangest times, like when I’m taking a shower, at 2 am when I can’t sleep, or when I’m driving my car. But when a great idea comes along you know it right away, right?

This happened to me a couple of weeks ago. As I was driving my car, a light bulb went off. I suddenly thought of a terrific idea to move a struggling project forward. I was certain that this new innovative approach to a stale project would have a positive impact on the project as well as my department and I couldn’t wait to share it with one of my co-workers.

The next day I met my colleague for lunch and I was bubbling over with enthusiasm as I told her my idea. She was equally excited and validated my strategy and creativity. I couldn’t wait to present this at our next senior staff meeting later in the week.

In the senior staff meeting, we made our way through the agenda and the troubled project became the focus of our discussion. I was already thinking about the best way to present my idea when my colleague addressed the senior team with a potential solution; MY SOLUTION! She stole my idea!

My face immediately flushed and I could feel my heart rate accelerate. I didn’t know what to say or do.

This a theoretical situation but my question to you is this: What should I do in this situation?

Has this ever happened to you? What did you do and how did it turn out?

Please email me me your thoughts and I will post them next week along with some of my suggestions for how to handle the situation.

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High Self Esteem Kids

January 15, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Austin Sina -

One of the most important things in any child’s development is having a feeling of Self-esteem  or self-value. It is crucial in helping develop the right outlook on life and in helping children to react to whatever life throws at them.

Studies show The benefits of raising and encouraging children’s self-esteem are many and varied. Kids who have a great awareness of their self-value often tend to have less problems mentally, physically and materially later in life. High self-esteem kids also find it easier to achieve more success and happiness in their adult life.

Children who grow up thinking that they have the capacity and opportunity to accomplish anything normally turn into well balanced and fulfilled adults. This is not to say every child with high self-esteem will become a super successful person in terms of material worth, relationships or a high-flying career, but they are likely to be someone of which their family (and they themselves) will be proud of.

One of the most important aspects for helping kids have high self-esteem is that they will be able to have more of a positive attitude to life’s challenges. They will be the people with the “can do” attitude that can help them in the highs and lows that life inevitably brings. The “can do” people are ultimately the people not fearful of challenges. They will look at failures not as irreparable calamities, but just part of the learning process. This will help them achieve whatever goals they have set themselves.

High Self-Esteem Kids- How Can We Make This Happen?

This is the question that many parents and guardians of children would love answering. Research shows self-esteem can be cultivated by focusing energy on two major areas:

(1) A sense of being loved and supported.

(2) A sense of capability.

This may sound simple enough. But it is not always easy to comfort and support the younger family members in every situation in life, you cannot be there all the time. One of the most important things to do is to make sure children will never have reason to believe they are not loved, encouraged or welcomed, or are unable to do something.

However, overwhelming kids too much in love and affection to the degree that they cannot do things by themselves is counter-productive also. Professionals in this area of research call for a balance between showing them unfailing and constant proof that they are highly valued and appreciated, while allowing them a large amount of independence to find things out for themselves. This balance of love and care must be achieved without domineering and freedom limiting control.

The Children’s Self Esteem Online Program and Certification by Dr. Joe Rubino, offers a complete and comprehensive method to building and creating self-esteem in kids. This program is great for any adult (parent, instructor, teacher, grandparent) looking to motivate children to success in their life challenges and goals.

This globally acknowledged online certification at High Self Esteem Kids now gives future coaches the opportunity to study for a fully recognised certification online. With this certification you could shape the future course of children positively for generations to come. By doing so, you can also reap great personal benefits such as a rewarding income, gain extra respect and gratitude of colleagues and relatives, and vitally gain the fulfilment of having been able to make a significant difference in a child’s life.

Austin Sina writes about lifestyle, self development and health issues.
Click here to check out more about the Children’s Self Esteem Online Certification Program at the High Self Esteem Kids Review site http://highselfesteemkidsreviewed.info where you can find out more information and reviews about this program.

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10 Powerful Ways To Boost Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

January 8, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Millen Livis -

” I am what I am and that’s all that I am”

I learned this Confidence Mantra – ” I am what I am and that’s all that I am” – many years ago at one of my yoga trainings at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in Massachusetts. It might seem simplistic and repetitive, but for me it brought to light one of the most important, defining, and not to mention sexy aspects of one’s personality: Self-Confidence.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking along these lines?

  • Who am I to be considered for ______________ (position, role,…)?
  • Why would this awesome, intelligent and successful guy choose me (fall in love with me)?
  • What if I would not be able to ________________?
  • Who would possibly hire me for such an important leadership role at ___________?

Or telling yourself

  • I am too fat
  • I am too short
  • I am not funny
  • I am not sharp
  • I will not be able to ________
  • I am not good with computers to do _________
  • I am not a leader to be ________
  • I don’t know how to ________

If these kinds of thoughts never popped up in your mind, good for you! You may stop reading here.

However, for most women today (myself including), who live incredibly demanding and competitive lives, it’s often a real challenge to feel confident, capable, proficient, and secure. This lack of self-worth, feeling that you are “not ______ enough”, can be very persuasive… In fact, it may stop you from pursuing your dreams or destroy the things that you already have and love. The damage from lack of self-confidence can be really enormous and very self-destructive… it may lead to wrecked relationships, loss of jobs, feeling stuck or incapable. More often than not, low self-confidence is associated with chronic depression and other serious health issues.

One of the dangers of diminished self-worth and lack of self-confidence is that it often masquerades as truth. It causes a great deal of mental noise, which prevents you from seeing “the forest for the trees”. Your negative or limiting self-image becomes a filter that you use to see yourself in your personal and/or professional life. Once you see yourself through this narrow self-imposed filter, you close yourself off and become “the story” that you created… unable, powerless, incompetent, useless, un-lovable, etc. You become the lead actresses in this dramatic movie that you produced without realizing that you did it! However, this is NOT the Absolute Truth but rather your own Skewed Perception of Reality. This skewed self-image may become so convincing and so powerful that when someone tries to suggest otherwise – you will reject the notion of another reality as Untrue or Impossible. Ask me how I know this… because I lived it.

Conclusion and Action Steps

I believe that self-confidence is a very attractive quality of a women’s personality and is an attainable skill. OK, some women are naturally confident and G-d bless them! If that is not you, don’t despair. You can develop this attribute! But first acknowledge that you would benefit from focusing on building up self-confidence, self-reliance and positive self-image across all aspects of your life.

The process of re-building a positive self-image may take some time but you can see it as a fun game, not an assignment!

I would suggest taking on the following action steps:

    1. Live with an Attitude of Gratitude. Remember this saying:” I was sad because I didn’t have any shoes until I saw a man who didn’t have any legs…”? Every morning, while in bed, think of 5 things you are grateful for. This will help restore self-confidence and instill a sense of contentment.

 

    1. Come up with your own Freedom Mantra that you could use to deflect any negative self-talk or un-supportive comments from others. Examples of freedom mantras: “I am who I am and that’s all that I am” or simply “I Love the way I AM”.

 

    1. Mind Your Own Path. Everybody has his/her own Path; G-d has a plan for everyone. There is no need to compare yourself to others or to their achievements – you are Unique in your own way and there is a higher purpose for your uniqueness.

 

    1. Practice Judgment Free Awareness. Your thoughts become your feelings and your feelings become your beliefs, which form your subconscious mind and subsequently manifest as your physical reality… Be VERY MINDFUL of your negative thoughts – remember that you are the producer of the movie “I am ________” (fill the blank) and you can change the script at will!

 

    1. Become your Biggest Fan and Promoter. Every night, while in bed, recite at least 5 successes of the day and praise yourself for these accomplishments.

 

    1. Be Authentic/Live authentically. Some people will not like you, but many others will. There is no need to change yourself in order to please someone else or get them to like/love you. The right person will respect you and will be attracted to you because of the way you are, not the way you pretend to be.

 

    1. “Fun yourself” - sing your favorite songs out-loud and/or dance your “funky moves” whether somebody is watching or not.

 

    1. Find your Own Unique Style/Image that would eloquently reflect your personality on the outside. An attractive external self-image is important for building self-confidence in women.

 

    1. See Greatness in others… What you see in others you strengthen in yourself.

 

  1. Be Brave and Bold - Play everything, be willing to take risks, mess up, fall, and constantly challenge your un-supportive beliefs. That is how you learn – by falling and getting back up.

To your Health, Wealth, and Happiness,

Millen Livis

P.S. Was this post helpful? What are your thoughts about this subject? I would love to read your comments! Please feel free to leave a note with your thoughts on my blog site or connect with me on Facebook or Twitter

Millen Livis is a Success Coach and is committed to assisting women in becoming more Confident, Accomplished, and Content.
She is a mother, a wife, an entrepreneur, and an Inspirational Success Coach for Women. She is currently semiretired and lives in the US and France. Millen holds two Masters degree, one in Physics and another in Business Administration. Previously to being an entrepreneur, she was a technology executive working for major Wall Street Corporations for many years until she decided to change and re-invent her life. Now she is a successful business owner, happily married, and have an awesome daughter. If you ask Millen to describe how she got to where she is now, she would say: “EVERYTHING I CREATED IN MY LIFE STARTED WITH A VISION OF WHAT’S POSSIBLE.”

For more information, please visit http://www.daretochangelife.com or connect with Millen on Facebook or Twitter

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Authentic Self Esteem

January 1, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Anne Ream -

Authenticity can be defined as honesty with oneself. In other words, being true to yourself. Authentic people have learned how to be honest with themselves and live according to their personal value system. Developing this ability is not always easy. The authentic individual recognizes the connection between all living beings and can be vulnerable and set boundaries within their relationships. Self-esteem is based in authenticity. Thus, being true to yourself, living in accord with your personal values, results in feeling good about yourself.

A step toward authentic self-esteem is to become aware of how you are thinking and what you are saying to yourself. Most of us are unaware of the things we are telling ourselves that can be damaging to our self-esteem. If we were raised in a situation in which a caregiver insulted us, we will continue to, unconsciously, repeat that insult, until we become aware of it. When we become aware of negative messages, we may have introjected, we can begin to change them. Mindfully increasing awareness of how we are thinking and what we are saying to ourselves is vital.

Thinking in a highly critical and judgmental manner, is another problem that can affect our self-esteem. If we are highly judgmental of others, we are most likely judging ourselves, as well. Although evaluation and judgment are normal, it is also normal to have biases and make distortions in evaluations and judgments. With increased self-awareness, people can recognize when they may be distorting their perceptions. As a result, people can make evaluations that are more realistic, and less harsh.

For many years now, advertising in our culture has manipulated and distorted perceptions of reality. It can be difficult for people to know who they are and why they are doing something, if much of what they do has been prescribed by advertising, or cultural norms. The BBC documentary, The Century of the Self, focuses on how, “those in power have used Freud’s theories to try and control the dangerous crowd in an age of mass democracy.” Adam Curtis, 2002. Freud’s nephew, Edward Bernase used Freud’s theories to, “create the model consumer” and to “manage the unconscious mind of the consumer.” As a consequence, many have followed their prescribed definition of success as financial success and live lives of empty prosperity.

In order to be authentic we need to be thoughtful about what we believe, what we value, and who we choose to be from moment to moment. Rather than automatically accepting something because others have done so, it is healthy to question the beliefs and thoughts of other’s before taking them on as ours. Therefore, developing our individual perspective and value system is vital for authentic self-esteem.

Meaning is another quality that is important for living a life with authentic self esteem. This means living a life with a sense of purpose. Meaning is based in what each of us finds important. Without it life has no purpose, no guidelines. A few ways we find meaning is through our career, relationships, causes, lifestyle and spiritual beliefs. Meaning connects us to something that is greater than ourselves. Knowing what we feel is important results in our making informed choices concerning what to do with our lives. As a consequence of living in a way that is true to our personal values and meaning we develop a sense of integrity, which is a vital aspect of authentic self esteem.

Integrity is the quality of having honest motivations for one’s actions. It is the opposite of hypocrisy. Someone who has a sense of wholeness in their life has integrity. A person who can behave according to their values, beliefs and principles is living a life of integrity.

Developing authentic self-esteem is part of the maturation process. In Men in Therapy, (2009) David Wexler writes, “A hallmark of the mature, authentic self is the ability to appraise the personal past and the personal present with a minimum of denial and distortion,” (page 245). Accordingly, this requires people to accept responsibility for their part in relationships that work well, and, for those that do not work well. Blaming others is a sign of immaturity and, furthermore, suggests that people who blame have self-esteem so low they cannot bear thinking about their mistakes. Additionally, blame prevents empathy, which is imperative for an intimate relationship. According to Wexler, “Empathy is considered to be one of the highest forms of affective development,” (page 253).

Self-awareness is where authentic self-esteem begins. Mindful awareness of the messages we are giving ourselves, helps us improve our self talk. Another consequence of mindfulness is our noticing when we are thinking judgmentally and the distortions that are part of those judgments. This is a state of being from which we can increase our recognition and resistance of the attempts of others to manipulate how we think. Defining our personal value system and developing a meaningful life, a life of integrity is part of an ongoing process that occurs as we grow and change. Woven throughout this process is accepting responsibility. Without acceptance of responsibility we cannot mature. Recognizing that we are fallible human beings who make mistakes renders us more vulnerable and lovable. The process of developing a sense of mature humility is one that results in authentic self-esteem. Authentic self-esteem is based in who we are and who we are becoming, here and now. Authentic self-esteem has nothing to do with what we look like, what we own, who we know, where we have traveled, how much we know, our IQ, number of degrees, or level of creativity. We can raise our authentic self-esteem every day, from moment to moment, here and now.

Anne is a Board Certified Registered art therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor. Anne has been studying human development and relationships for over 45 years. She has been successfully working with families, in various capacities, for over 20 years. Her private practice is in the Mt. Airy section of Philadelphia PA. She specializes in helping people recover from various types of trauma, difficult changes and loss. Anne has an unusual ability to connect with children and adolescents, along with their parents. Parenting is the most important job we ever do, yet no one shows us how to do it or gives us the support we need. Anne has successfully coached many parents through a variety of critical stages in their children’s lives. Annes greatest joy is helping people understand themselves and each other.

http://www.annescreativetherapy.com

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Five Ways To Boost Your Self Esteem

December 26, 2011 By Leave a Comment

By Frances Pauline C Brillantes

We all have a mental image of how we think we look like and how we are as people. Some might have a good image of themselves while others are stuck in a perpetual pit of denial. This personal perception of self-image is called self-esteem. It is built on years of life experiences and an amalgamation of how others interact with us, how we are loved, culture, religion, financial status, and schooling. This self-esteem is how we view ourselves distinctly from how others see us. It manifests in how we interact with others, how we think, how we act, and the decisions we make. Thus, self-esteem is a big determinant in the way we live our lives.

People with low self-esteem usually have problems coping with relationships and their personal issues. Past experiences that have had a negative impact on them tend to haunt their every action. Circumstances such as bullying, verbal abuse, and financial instability make one person think low about themselves. This is unhealthy to a person’s development as well as his career. For those who think they have low self-esteem, here are five ways to boost your self-esteem.

1. Stop thinking negative things about yourself.

Thinking negative things about yourself only brings your confidence down. Learn to ignore things such as gossip and verbal abuse as they will do nothing but give you something negative to dwell on.

2. Appreciate compliments, and acknowledge them.

When someone notices something good about you, take it in, and say thank you. If your boss tells you that you did a good job, listen. Learn to acknowledge that you have something good in you that others appreciate as well. It will make you feel better about yourself and inspire you to do better. Further, it will give you something to look forward to, like going to work.

3. Think of mistakes as opportunities for you to learn from.

Everybody makes mistakes. Remember that. The only difference between success and failure is that successful people examine what they did wrong, and try to do it correctly the next time around. If you failed at something, analyze the situation. Where did you go wrong? What should you have done? What will you do the next time the same situation happens? Instead of sulking in regret, rise up and keep your high and brain working.

4. Go with the good crowd.

People who keep on criticizing others will criticize you either behind your back or blatantly in your face. Once you hear what they have to say about you, it will haunt you and eventually make you doubt yourself in almost everything you do. Get out of this crowd and look for people who appreciate you despite your faults and flaws.

5. Don’t be a perfectionist.

Aim for achievement and success rather than being a perfectionist. The difference between being an achiever and being a perfectionist is the ability to be flexible and creative. While perfectionists are boxed up in a certain method of doing things so that when they fail, they fall hard. Their focus is on the method itself, and the goal becomes secondary. Achievers continue to look for creative means to do things. When one option isn’t available, they search for another. Being creative allows you to succeed in more ways than one. Less disappointments leads to less self-doubt and an increased feeling of elation. This makes you all the more confident in your capabilities.

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What Does Self-Esteem Really Mean to You?

December 15, 2011 By Leave a Comment

By Patricia Anaya -

I deserve only good things, so nothing bad can happen to me!

These days, we hear the term self-esteem every day. We relate to it and most of us know what it means because we’ve heard about it since we were kids. At least one of our teachers tried to explain what it means and how we can develop very good self-esteem. They told us that self-esteem is one of the most important things to have if we want to be happy. We are grownups now; if we go back to our school years, we realize that maybe we didn’t understand the concept behind the term self-esteem, because our lives don’t reflect a realistic respect for ourselves.

What does self-esteem really mean?If we focused on these two words, the first word is self, which means your own reflective consciousness; in other words, it means my OWN person. The second word is esteem, which means respect and admiration. If we put together the two words, it means “my own respect and admiration.” But the term self-esteem is much more than that. Self-esteem is how much you value yourself and how important you think you are. It is how much confidence and capability you think you have. It is feeling good and comfortable doing what you want to do. It is the ability to feel good and have fun. It is giving yourself permission to enjoy your life and to feel and embrace all your emotions, including fear, frustration, anger, and others. Your self-esteem is a complete detailed picture of you, it is your self-image. How do you see yourself? What do you think about yourself? What do you feel about yourself? That is your self-esteem!

If you want to know more about your self, answering these questions may help you. It is very important that you have a piece of paper and a pen to answer them.

How much do you love yourself?Loving yourself means that you accept yourself completely. See yourself without any judgment or recrimination. Accept all the good qualities (of course you have them!) and work on the ones you want to improve. Nobody is perfect, but everybody has positive qualities, you just need to look inside you. Ask people who know and appreciate you to help you find your strengths. Make a list of all the qualities you have and read it every day. And make another list with the things you want to improve and work on that every day.

How much do you believe in yourself?Every person believes in themselves, what do you believe about you? Write down everything you believe about yourself, positive and negative. Then, on another piece of paper, write on the left side all the positive beliefs and on the right side the negative ones. The negative ones are limited beliefs that you need to change, things like “I don’t deserve to be happy,” “I don’t like my body,” “People don’t like me,”… and others that are stopping your happiness. You need to replace your limited beliefs with empowering beliefs because they are a very important part of your self-esteem.

How much do you respect yourself?If you notice that other people don’t respect you it is because you don’t respect yourself. The most important thing is your own respect. The way you treat yourself others will treat you. You deserve only good things and you are capable to get them as soon as you believe and respect yourself. Be aware of the words you say to you. What is your self-talk every day, do you use empowering or dis-empowering words?

How much do you admire and value yourself?You are the most important person in this world! Create an ideal-ME with a specific vision and work on it every day. You are very valuable; this world wouldn’t be the same without you. You are in this world for a reason and you have an important mission. It is your responsibility to find and accomplish it. Congratulate yourself for every little (big) accomplishment every day.

How much do you accept yourself?Accepting yourself is very different from resignation and not doing anything to improve your life. Accepting yourself means being happy and able to enjoy every day of your life, but at the same time it requires you to be honest with yourself and seek opportunities to grow and improve things. For example, if you are not happy with your body, the first step is to accept and love your body as it is. Learn how to feel good and appreciate your body. When you feel good your body and mind work together and react better to how you’re improving your body, such as exercise, dieting, and others.

You need to be very honest with yourself when you answer these questions. When you read your answers you will discover that you have qualities, talents, and reasons to celebrate your life. At the same time you will find your limited beliefs that are stopping you to grow and be happy, so know you are ready to clean them and reprogram new ones.

Now that you have a better idea about yourself, you are ready to improve your self-esteem. Here are three steeps that you can do:

- Heal and release your past.It is very important to close your past circles and live in the present. If you are living in the past (or in the future) you are wasting your time and losing your focus. The past is already done and we cannot do anything to change it, but if we don’t let it go, our past experiences are controlling our now and ruining our life. A good exercise to heal your life is to write down on a piece of paper the details of one bad past experience. Write about all your negative feelings and emotions. You can write names if you want. Let go of everything you’re holding inside. When you finish, burn the paper. Breathe slowly three to five times, take another piece of paper and write what you learn from this experience. Everything has two sides, it depends how you see it. Focus your mind on seeing the good side of the event. Forgive yourself and others. Everybody makes mistakes. Write grateful affirmations because you are alive and great things are coming to you. Maybe you will need to repeat this exercise a few times to heal yourself, just don’t do it that same day.

- Evaluate your present.Ask yourself, how do I feel right now?

What is missing in my life today? Maybe you are not living the life you want, maybe you feel frustrated, depressed, stressed or dissatisfied with your life. Realize that you are here to be happy no matter what and if you are not living the life you want, you need to make changes. You are the creator of your life and only YOU can change it when you take responsibility.

- Look for your ideal future.The first question here is what do you really want to do with your life? How does your ideal-life look like? If you can describe it in detail and visualize your ideal life, it will be easier to accomplish it. What are the things you need to change to get what you want? Remember that you are in charge of your life and you are a creator, so if you can create your ideal life in your mind you can bring it to reality and live the life you deserve.

The next time you hear the term self-esteem, think about your inner self, because your self-esteem is YOU. The complete picture of you, your self-image has a big impact on your reality. It gives you the power to love, believe and accept yourself completely and create the life you deserve.

Patricia Anaya is an Author, Speaker, Life Coach and Creative Director. Her new book for children “The Three Powers, Magic to Love Yourself! was published on 11/11/11 ( http://www.TheThreePowers.com ). The Three Powers, Magic to Love Yourself! teaches children the principles to love themselves and to develop their own ability to make good friends and be happy. Patricia is the creator of brainywoman.com, has a passion for creating projects that help people, especially women and children. “brainywoman.com opens up a lot of possibilities to touch women’s lives and help them to improve self-esteem.

Don’t forget to visit http://www.brainywoman.com to find more inspirational and practical articles like this. “Learn how to create the life you deserve by focusing your words, thoughts, feelings and emotions.”

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John’s Story: Who Shot My Self Esteem?

December 15, 2011 By Leave a Comment

by Catherine Page -

Since turning 50, my new number one goal in life is to grow old gracefully. So far, I’m failing miserably. But that’s OK, because as I look around, I see that not only am I not alone, I am in great company.

JOHN’S STORY:

John, a fit and hearty gentleman, found himself defending our homestead after two young thugs and their pit-bull decided to park at the top of our driveway, very late one night. The fact that we lived in the woods on an out-of-the-way street, with very few houses, made a visit such as this highly suspicious.

John grabbed his gun and headed out. By then the hooligans had backed off down the drive to cruise the rest of our street, ostensibly looking for other houses to rob.  (I guess ours did not impress them as a potential mother load of treasure.) While they were gone, John silently rolled our car down the driveway, and parked sideways across the road. Creeping slowly back up the street toward our house, they found their way blocked by the vehicle.

 

Keeping his gun hidden, John leaned in to the driver’s window, and asked if he could help since obviously they must be lost.  The passenger, a rangy, tattooed sort, leapt out of the car like his end had been lit on fire, and skittered toward John, like a bottle rocket gone awry; it was obvious that his bravery was fueled by drugs, and not the mellow kind. Some neighbors heard the ruckus and came out and surrounded the car, lending their support.  Things got loud, the police were called, and the evening ended with the arrest of these apparently well known ‘meth-heads’.

As John told the story, I expected more of a tone of confidence, and maybe just a touch of rightful braggadocio. After all, he caught the culprits before they were able to commit their crimes, and thus, had saved the neighborhood from victimization.  Instead, I could see that something about the story was bothering him. Waiting patiently, I knew that eventually it would emerge – and it did.  In a subdued manner, he told me that when the young man had jumped from the car to confront him, he blurted out something — something so crushing, that to an aging lothario, it was the soulful equivalent of salt-peter.  What he said to my hail and health conscious friend was: “Get out of my way you fat old man!”

Just that one offhanded remark, made by someone with all the reasoning abilities of a charging boar, was all it took to destroy my friend’s illusion that middle age lasts forever. Neither clever redirection of the conversation toward the awesome heroics of the players, nor ridicule of the silly criminals, could neutralize the damaging effects of that one thoughtless remark

It all boiled down to one seemingly innocuous utterance.  No, not the word ‘fat’ (which would have been tops on my gasp-o-meter).   John could no longer in his mind, pretend that he was merely distinguished or mature.  In the eyes of this raw and untried youth, he had been declared a relic.  It was a pivotal moment for him I’m quite certain.  Who knows – maybe that moment is the very reason he is at present and today, chasing his youth scuba diving off the reefs of Roatan.

But one thing I do know about growing old, is that however the realization dawns, however we arrive at our conclusions about the inevitability of aging, we might as well enjoy ourselves.  So move over John, and watch out Ponza – here I come!

About the Author

This article was written by Catherine Page, Senior Writer for Discount Security Cameras, your source for quality security cameras and security camera systems. When Catherine is not planted face-first in a novel at home in Atlanta, she’s busy catering to her brood of fur-children.

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Do Not Underestimate the Psychological Effects of Fitness

December 11, 2011 By Leave a Comment

By Vic Vogel -

There is much written about the physical effects of fitness. Overlooked, but equally important, are the psychological effects derived from fitness. Fitness gurus often speak of the mind and body experience. There is more to this than the metaphysical implications. Fitness has a profound affect on your psychological state.

In an article reviewing the impacts of exercise on the psychological state Dr. Daniel Landers, from Arizona State University had this to say, “The research literature suggests that for many variables there is now ample evidence that a definite relationship exists between exercise and improved mental health. This is particularly evident in the case of a reduction of anxiety and depression…Exercise is related not only to a relief in symptoms of depression and anxiety but it also seems to be beneficial in enhancing self-esteem, producing more restful sleep, and helping people recover more quickly from psychosocial stressors.”[1] The chemical effect that exercise has on the brain causes an improved mood, “Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that may leave you feeling happier and more relaxed than you were before you worked out. You will also look better and feel better, when you exercise regularly, which can boost your confidence and improve your self-esteem. Regular physical activity can even help prevent depression.”[2] Although much more research is needed, it is clear there is a direct link between your psychological state and your physical fitness.

Going into 2010 recession has gripped us, unemployment is higher than it has been since the Great Depression, and people are experiencing more psychological trauma, e.g. depression, anxiety, and loss of self-esteem, especially during the holiday season between Thanksgiving and Christmas. The difficulty in taking advantage of fitness is the lack of knowledge about fitness and the effect it can have on health, both physical and psychological. Least known are the psychological affects. The personal training profession spends much of its time measuring the physical effects of exercise and nutrition. Lost in many cases is the association of improved psychological impact resulting from exercise and nutrition. This lack of knowledge leads to focusing more on the physical aspects of fitness training at the exclusion of the psychological issues. Personal support plays a large role in reinforcing the psychological impact of fitness training. Most trainers focus on body fat percentage, weight, body circumference, and lean body mass to measure progress. Equally important are mood, self-esteem, self-worth, and a healthy psychological state. The measurements for psychological impact often rest in others opinions, journals, mood charts, and feedback from loved ones. Discrimination based on appearance, related to size, is well documented in the business world. Fitness not only effects your personal life, it effects your professional life, which then effects your psychological state of mind.

Most people feel the need to improve their fitness during the holidays. Mostly, this is due to the physical effects of eating and lack of exercise, e.g. pants are too tight. In the current times, it is equally important to seek fitness for psychological reasons. People often experience stress, depression, and anxiety during the holidays. They increase their exposure to others, e.g. parties, relatives they have not seen for awhile, and hordes of shoppers in stores. How others view you can either lead to feelings of insecurity and poor self-esteem, or elation and good self-esteem. Your fitness level will have a direct bearing on how others perceive you, and the resulting psychological impact.

Your psychological health is impacted by physical factors and emotional factors. Physical factors can be improved through exercises that increase and release endorphins in the body, “Endorphins act as analgesics, which means they diminish the perception of pain. They also act as sedatives. They are manufactured in your brain, spinal cord, and many other parts of your body and are released in response to brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. The neuron receptors endorphins bind to are the same ones that bind some pain medicines. However, unlike with morphine, the activation of these receptors by the body’s endorphins does not lead to addiction or dependence.”[3] Emotional health is experienced by the positive reinforcement people receive about their improved appearance, which in turn improves their self-esteem. This blog is too short to go into detail about these relationships. There are many articles and books on this subject. They can be researched through the internet and libraries.

When deciding to embark on a fitness program ensure you consider not only the physical benefits related to fitness, but also the psychological benefits. Make sure when designing your strategy for fitness that you include measurements that relate to your psychological improvement. Review these measurements as often as the physical measurements you have established. This holistic approach to fitness will benefit your Total Fitness.

[1] Landers, Dr. Daniel. “The Influence of Exercise on Mental Health”. ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED AS SERIES 2, NUMBER 12, OF THE PCPFS RESEARCH DIGEST July, 2006:

[2] Exercise: 7 benefits of regular physical activity. Mayo Clinic.com. 12 16-2009

[3] “Exercise and Depression”. WebMD. 12-16-2009

Vic Vogel is an internationally NFPT certified personal trainer /fitness consultant, author, and sports nutritionist. He provides fitness consulting to individuals and businesses. Vic has conducted fitness lectures in both businesses and non-profit organizations. He is the Principal and owner of Strategy for Fitness, [http://www.strategyforfitness.com], and CEO of Victor L. Vogel & Associates, Inc. Vic’s two books Building a Strategy for Fitness: A Model to Reach and Sustain Total Fitness & Health, and Strategy for Fitness: Nutritional Manual can be found at Amazon. Vic publishes a fat loss review blog http://www.wayfastfatloss.com He holds a Masters degree from the University of Oklahoma.Vic resides and practices in Oklahoma City, where is specialized in clients over 50.

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