By Larry Agresto -

Think about this for a moment, where do your thoughts come from, really, where do they come from? You don’t just pull them out of thin air; they don’t get dropped at your front door like the morning paper or delivered like the US mail but, they come from somewhere right. Well, your thoughts actually come from your paradigms or past experiences. We talked about this in chapter one “Paradigms-Your Mindset.” As your thoughts go, so goes your life. That’s why it’s important for you to understand the connection between your thoughts and your paradigms. No matter how you slice it, the bottom line is, you are your thoughts. That’s why it’s key to understand where our thoughts come from, which are our past experiences. Did you know that we think up to 60,000 thoughts each and every day. As we grow older, did you know that the majority of those thoughts are based on our past paradigms, good or bad. Whenever we have an experience in our life, at any stage in our life, our brain stores the memory from the experience like the software on your computer stores a file that you’ve written. Your brain actually files away the memory and for the rest of your life, that memory is there. The memories that our brain stores away when we’re younger, let’s say as young kids, actually colors how we experience future events in our life. In other words, your memory bank sets up a “memory database,” that your brain will tap into and call on in the future. This is why it is so important as young individuals to understand what we’re feeding our brains with, positive or negative thoughts.

Yesterday’s Thoughts Let’s visit a specific example of how this process actually works. Okay, you’re a kid again, place yourself in that frame of mind; living at home with your parents, going to school, homework, baseball, tree houses, playing with dolls etc. Now, lets take a moment and talk about riding that bike once again, as we did in chapter one. We’re going to do a comparison of two young boys, attempting to ride their bikes for the first time, each having a different experience. Tommy is excited about riding his bike for the first time but he’s also a little scared. He’s waiting for dad to come home from work because dad promised to teach him how to ride his bike when he gets home. Dad arrives home and out to the driveway they go. He jumps on the bike and attempts to go from one end of the driveway to the other but on the first try he doesn’t make it. No biggie says his dad, just jump back on and try again. So, he walks the bike back to the starting point, jumps back on and try’s again. This time he makes it to the end of the driveway with a huge grin on his face. Excited, he yells out to his dad “hey dad, I did it.” The father proudly acknowledges and as a reward asks his son if he wants to venture out and ride on the sidewalk and away they go. So, Tommy heads out to the neighborhood and proceeds to ride his bike up and down the sidewalk in front of his house, until dinner is ready. Like Tommy, Jimmy is equally excited and a little scared. His father also promised to take him out for his first bike ride when he gets home from work that evening. Once his dad arrives home, he and Jimmy walk his bike to one end of the driveway, as his father starts to give him tips on how to ride a bike and reminds him about balance and looking straight ahead. He starts his ride but doesn’t go very far and immediately falls off. Discouraged, his father encourages him to try again and so he does; this time he goes a little further but falls off again. Jimmy makes a few more attempts with the same result and then mom calls out that dinner is ready. Jimmy never got the chance that evening to successfully ride his bike up and down his driveway. Guess what he does with the experience? The next day in school, Tommy is so excited to tell all of his classmates about his experience.

He’s proud of himself and can’t wait to get home again from school to go riding again. The memory he stores in his brain of his first bike ride is a positive one, full of joy and excitement. As he gets older, the positive experience will serve him well when he attempts his next challenge to catch a baseball, swing a bat or graduate to a bigger bike. One of his classmates is Jimmy and although Tommy isn’t trying to rub it in, he shares his excitement with Jimmy as well. Jimmy was already a little disappointed that he wasn’t successful about his first try on his bike but when he hears Tommy’s news, he feels even worse. He starts to think about the possibility of falling off the bike again when he tries next and what he didn’t do right the first time. Jimmy really starts to analyze his experience and second guess his ability to ever ride his bike. The memory that gets stored in his brain bank is negative in nature, full of disappointment and lacking confidence. The reality is if Jimmy doesn’t jump right back on his bike again the next night, his doubt will grow, his confidence will slip further and he will have serious thoughts of being a failure.

You Paint The Picture Now tell me, how do you think this negative paradigm will impact Jimmy’s future challenges, not only as a kid but later in life as well? Can you see how paradigms are created by your thoughts and beliefs over time? How you interpret your experience in the present, has a direct impact on your behavior in the future. Clearly, the picture that Jimmy has painted in his mind of his bike experience will not be a positive but a negative one, so the memory that gets sent to his “memory database” will create a negative paradigm or mindset. Okay, it’s time for a little more hard love, here’s the reality of paradigms; you and only you attract what you focus on in your life. That’s right, who we are and who we become, are created

by our own thoughts, in our own minds. Are you getting this, is it starting to sink in? It’s one thing for a young kid who’s not aware of paradigms and there impact on future behavior, to create a negative mindset but as a mature, responsible adult, you have to take accountability for your actions and what you fill your head with, noise or good stuff. Positive thoughts and actions can never produce bad results; likewise negative thoughts and actions can never produce good results. I can remember two specific points in my life, where like Jimmy, past negative experiences have colored my paradigm and had a negative impact on my behavior in the future.

A Life Experience When I graduated from college, because my dad was ill and my mother was working two jobs to keep the family going, I decided to get into sales, so I could make the most money possible to help my family. I always thought I was a pretty cocky and confident kid, someone who didn’t scare easily. But I’ll tell you, after I went through a one week crash course in sales and had to get on the phone to call clients and schedule appointments, I found out how much of a chicken I really was. I mean, my hands would actually get clammy, as I thought about picking up the phone, dialing and talking to prospects. I would procrastinate for as long as possible to pick up the phone and even when I did, I was so nervous, that my mouth would get so dry, I couldn’t talk if I wanted to. You know that awful cotton mouth feeling, when you can actually taste the fear. It wasn’t until I realized that all the fear and emotion was simply “noise”in my head that I was creating based on my paradigm, Where did I get the behavior from, well actually, I believe I created it when I was younger based on my dads medical situation. You see, back in the ’60′s, people in general were not as educated about cancer as they are today. Believe it or not, some people actually thought it was contagious. As a result, when someone was diagnosed with a terminal illness like cancer, many people related to you like they did to did to people in the ’80′s who were diagnosed with AIDS. After my father had surgery and went through his round of chemotherapy and radiation he was released from his company. I’m not sure if his company thought he was no longer able to do his job or they were afraid that his disease was contagious or both; all I know is that he was released from his job, which put my family in an even tougher financial situation. So, I grew up not trusting corporate America or the white collar world, yet I felt that was where I could make the most money the quickest to help my family, so there I was. So you see, my paradigm was based on fear and mistrust regarding my dad’s illness and corporate experience. I colored my world with those thoughts, which then led to the emotions and actions that I carried out. Do yourself a favor, I mean this can really change your life; remember, you are what you think about most often and you attract into your life exactly what you think about most often. It’s that simple.

Bio for Lawrence Agresto

Hi, my name is Larry Agresto from Boston.

I am married to my wonderful wife Susan and the father of my two beautiful daughters Lauren & Julia. I am also the Founder of Peak Performance Coaching.

I was in corporate America for 28 years in the IT Consulting Sector and spent the last 15 years in senior management i.e. Vice President of Sales, Regional Vice President.

While in Corporate America, I trained dozens of Account Executives and Recruiters to improve their sales performance. My training sessions focused on; leadership, teamwork, sales training, goal setting & planning, daily priority & schedule, organizational & proficiency skills, human behavior & human dynamics.

Throughout my professional career, my avocation has always been Life Coaching. I’ve attended countless conferences & seminars on the topic, as well as listened to and read literally hundreds of CD’S, DVD’s and books. Personally, I have been coached by Jim Rohn, Jeffrey Combs, Ellie Drake and Guy Finley. My greatest mentor however, has been life itself and embracing the moment by moment lessons that it offers.

I have written several e-books including; The Principals of Success, What’s Stopping You, The Journey and my Coaching Program, The 100 Day Breakthrough.

I provide one-on-one coaching for clients based on my four Coaching Programs; Stepping Stones to Change, The Path to Change, The Journey and the Breakthrough Program. I also provide group coaching sessions and seminars to organizations and businesses.

To your success,

Larry Agresto

Life & Success Coach
Peak Performance Coaching

(978) 649-1020 http://www.larryagresto.com

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