By Carolyn Porter -
Express love – we can’t miss this message with the advertising for St Valentine’s Day this month. We see red and pink hearts displayed everywhere as constant reminders to purchase something for those you love so they know you love them. This is all part of retail marketing strategy so they realize sales and profits.
That’s all well and good; it’s always nice to receive an expression of love at this time of year – flowers, jewelry, cards, lingerie, dinner out or even chocolates. Often it takes an event like Valentine’s Day to jiggle the mind of some individuals to remember those they love. So let’s talk about love.
What is love? Most would say it’s a fuzzy feeling, something that’s warm deep inside of you that makes you feel good. Or perhaps it’s a feeling of being comfortable and happy when you’re around that person. Some relate it to sexual ecstasy. Others might suggest the bond you feel between parent and child, siblings, spouses, and so on. Most of this love, even the most sincere, comes with expectations. And these expectations are from programming shared to you from birth and on.
What do I mean by expectations? Stop and think about any relationship you are presently in. Perhaps it’s with your parents or a spouse or a sister. There are certain things you expect from them, ways you expect them to act. Perhaps you expect support from your parents but instead they bash your idea(s), repeatedly. So you get hurt, pull away, and a feeling of something less than love surfaces, even to the point of not speaking for a while. Maybe you are sharing some concerns about a health issue of yours in a conversation with your sister and all she can talk about is her problems; she’s not even listening to you. As a result you feel hurt, not cared about, and pull away feeling rejected and unloved. And think how many times your spouse or child has disappointed you in some way because they didn’t live up to your expectations!
Here’s my take on love now that I’ve experienced love with expectations and love without them. Love has nothing to do with the other person’s actions! Love is what you feel inside and when it’s unconditional love it doesn’t matter what the other person is or is not doing because you have no expectations; you are simply feeling love towards them. If you are hurt and pull away because of the other person’s lack of understanding or caring, you have joined them in a dance of expectations, or conditional love. It has brought you down to their level, for anything other than unconditional love is lesser. Once you realize that their actions are not really related to the relationship, you can love in spite of. Their response to you and your actions are coming from their reference point, their perception, and literally have nothing to do with you; it’s their stuff!
Once I realized this important aspect of love, I realized I could love and ACCEPT everyone who entered my life path. It didn’t mean I had to agree with them or share their perception, but I could honor their place and what was truth for them and still love them. Neither did it mean I must remain in their presence. What a relief that was! From then on I only had to be concerned with my thoughts and feelings and not theirs.
But the beauty of it all is how love like this works. When you love another person and accept them as they are, you send out a higher level vibration. It could be that they can’t connect with your vibration and will walk away, but often you help to raise them to a higher consciousness without them even knowing it. Watch what happens if you smile at someone. Most of the time they’ll smile back at you. That’s how it works. You send out love and you receive love in return!
Relationships are ever changing because people are changing. Perhaps a marriage seems wonderful and then obstacles appear, out of nowhere, and the relationship seems to be falling apart, maybe leaving the people wondering what happened. In a relationship both people must be growing, for if one grows and the other doesn’t the relationship will wilt. So the relationship changes form, you go your separate ways, but the love doesn’t change if it’s real, unconditional love. What did change was the form of the relationship. No longer will you share your lives in the same way, but an eternal bond was formed that will never end. In this place you will find Ex’s as friends and able to let go of past hurt and pain. But when you see two Ex’s who cannot be in the same room without explosive behavior, you have total lack of forgiveness which is simply due to conditional love, expectations and fear-based anger.
The most extraordinary aspect of unconditional love is that it heals everything. Life is made up totally of relationships, relationships with family, friends, work, community, pets, money, career and especially yourself.. So you cannot escape being in a relationship. Misunderstandings, lack of good communication, anger, fear, lack of forgiveness, criticism, judgment, are all products of conditional love which is simply from fear. Love that is unconditional expresses as kindness, understanding, acceptance, forgiveness, happiness, compassion, and peacefulness. Look at both these expressions and you decide which one can heal. It’s obvious isn’t it? You cannot heal a relationship if you’re participating with expectations of your own creation. But if you accept the person as they are, unconditionally, any situation can be healed.
Here’s an example. Your friend has unkindly accused you of something that you didn’t do, even though she sincerely believes you did. It is hurting you that she could believe this and your first instinct is to fire back with a few choice words of your own in defense of yourself. And you feel justified because you know it isn’t a truth at all. But you see, she believes it is a truth.
So in normal circumstances there would be quite an exchange of verbiage and most likely both of you would leave each other’s presence in an angry huff. But here’s another way to handle it. When your friend accuses you unjustly, instead of firing back what if you simply said in a gentle voice, “Thank you for sharing this with me. It actually isn’t a truth but I understand that you might think so.” What happens here? The confrontation is diffused because if you don’t buy into the dance of anger she started, there is no dance. Get the point?
Just think of our world. What if everyone treated everybody as they desire to be treated? What if every individual smiled all day every day? What if people looked for ways to compliment the other person instead of criticizing them? What if people listened instead of always wanting to express their thoughts? What if you were so full of love that it overflowed and spilled out to everyone who crossed your path each day? What a different world we would live in!
Louise Hay, an internationally recognized authority on self-healing and spreading love said this: “You are not here to please other people or to live your lives their way. You can only live it your way and walk your own pathway. You have come here to fulfill yourself and express love on the deepest level. You are here to learn and grow…When you leave the planet…the only thing you take is your capacity to love!”
So I challenge you to begin today to express love that is accepting, forgiving, kind, compassionate, non-judgmental, trusting and appreciative, and know that every time you express these feelings someone or something heals in some way. Love is really entirely up to you and only you can control what you feel. I imagine there is someone in your life who could use your love. Love is truly the answer for healing every relationship in this world!
Carolyn Porter, D. Div.
Empower Productions, Inc.
http://www.drcarolynporter.com
Carolyn Porter, D. Div., is a Spiritual Wholeness Coach, Inspirational Speaker, Author of multiple books, ebooks and audios, and an Energy Facilitator whose passion it to help individuals understand their magnificence and inborn power. Love is their natural essence and she assists people in returning to a state of living life through love as they create their dreams into reality. She recently opened a healing center called Where Miracles Happen in Woodstock, GA. http://www.drcarolynporter.com or 770-663-3991.
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