Romancing the One – Part II – “Expecting Happiness”

By Neil Tepper, The Creativity Doctor -

I asked a couples-therapist friend recently what she observed as the most prevalent issue married couples have these days. She said it’s always the same thing: expectations versus reality.

What I took away from our conversation was that when couples commit to each other, reality is somehow collapsed so that the concept of “one-ness” becomes a fantasy world unto itself – where the sole inhabitants of that world suddenly expect all their needs and desires to be satisfied by the other inhabitant.

No matter the nature of the relationship – romantic lovers, parent-child, business partner – it’s pure fantasy to expect someone else to be responsible for our own happiness. In fact, this “unreality” can quickly turn to tragedy because try as we might and hope as we do, it’s just not possible for any person or thing outside of ourselves to make us happy.

Valentine’s Day is a perfect time to test this theory, especially if you find yourself alone for the “Event.” Since we can’t “expect” another person to be responsible for our happiness, it’s a wonderful opportunity to practice SELF-love.

In my recent article “Romancing the One” here on The Self Improvement Blog, I suggested that a “single” can experience a very happy Valentine’s Day by being creative and living “as if” they had a partner for the evening. This could be as simple as buying a flower, a bottle of wine and a Milky Way bar (cut into tiny squares on a fine serving plate) and dancing around the house to their favorite music. “Romancing the One,” I call it.

Valentine’s Day is a good time – even if you ARE in a relationship – to see where else in your life you are being unrealistic in expecting other people and things outside yourself to satisfy your desires for happiness.

Oh, by the way, I guess you figured out that you can’t take responsibility for anyone else’s happiness, either.

Love Changes Everything

heartBy Irene Conlan -

Today, in the middle of the week, we need a little uplift. And since this whole week is dedicated to thoughts of love and tomorrow we will be talking about love in relationships, I thought we needed something light and nice to set the stage for couple love. One of the most beautiful songs I know about love is the one below sung by Michael Ball. The lyrics are printed below.

LOVE CHANGES EVERYTHING (Michael Ball)

Love, love changes everything
Hands and faces, earth and sky
Love, love changes everything
How you live and how you die
Love, can make the summer fly
Or a night seem like a lifetime
Yes love, love changes everything
Now I tremble at your name
Nothing in the world will ever be the same

Love, love changes everything
Days are longer, words mean more
Love, love changes everything
Pain is deeper than before
Love will turn your world around
And that world will last forever
Yes love, love changes everything
Brings you glory, brings you shame
Nothing in the world will ever be the same

Off into the world we go
Planning futures, shaping years
Love (comes in) and suddenly all our wisdom disappears
Love makes fools of everyone
All the rules we made are broken
Yes love, love changes everyone
Live or perish in its flame
Love will never never let you be the same
Love will never never let you be the same

A solo mio V-day

rose heartBy Kerri Zane -

Damn those Happy Hallmark Holidays.

Who are those brilliant marketing executives who decided they could make us single people miserable? For the past 9 years I have spent the two weeks leading up to the fateful Feb 14 date dreaming of other places I could be. Just don’t want to face another Valentines Day SINGLE. Aww for gawd sakes, it’s time to get over it already. I have mastered the going to wedding with no +1. I can even enter a roomful of pairs at a party and manage to hold my own in a couplecentric conversation. Why should a silly fabricated holiday, that is truthfully nothing more than a clever marketing ploy to sell diamonds, flowers and greetings cards, hold me back from my perpetual happy.

With that in mind single people rejoice! You are not being conned or cajoled into purchasing anything. Instead consider Valentines to be your solo mio 24 hour window of personal pleasure. It is your take no prisoners, make no compromises, commitments be damned joyous day. You are tethered to no one.

Here are some anti-Valentine day indulgences I would like you to consider.

1. It’s a day of vast opportunities. You can pick and choose to spend your valentines with anyone you want and maybe even several anyone’s you want. You have no obligation to any one person.

2. One is NOT the loneliest number! Being single is not a reflection of your “lovability” it’s a personal preference. If you wanted to spend Valentines with a significant other you could, you simply choose to leave your options open.

3. Love yourself first. Self indulge with reckless abandon. You are in the enviable position of having no one to answer to and no one to cater to but you. Get a massage, try a new facial, or do a mani, pedi AND a bikini wax. Anything you wouldn’t normally treat yourself to – just do! The cash you are not spending on someone else is strictly for your enjoyment.

4. If you just lost a loved one or went through a recent break up go easy on yourself. It’s okay to feel the loss, but then you also have to promise to balance it with the bliss. Keep in mind that the future holds abundant possibilities.

5. Feeling amorous. Sign up now for any one of the bazillion on-line dating sites. There is literally one that caters to every interest and they usually offer a 30-day free trial. There are lots of other singles just like you looking for love. If you sign up today you could have a date by Valentines Day.

6. Get excited about reconnection. Take some time to surf facebook, Linked-in or one of the other social networking sites to find old friends and flames – you never know what might develop.

7. Most importantly celebrate the loves you do have in your life. Spend the day with family and friends.

www.kerrizane.com

Valentine’s Day History

By Glenda Clements -

In the West, Valentine’s Day, also called St. Valentine’s Day is the traditional day on which lovers express their feelings to each other by sending Valentine’s cards and giving flowers or candy but how did the practice of giving Valentine’s Day gifts come about? This is the history of Valentine’s Day dating back to 270 AD. The holiday itself is named after two of numerous early Christian martyrs named Valentine. Until 1969, the Catholic Church formally recognized eleven Valentine’s Days but the the Valentines honored on February 14 are Valentine of Rome and Valentine of Terni.

Valentine of Rome was a priest who served during the reign of Emperor Claudius II. Legend has it that the emperor felt that single men made better soldiers so he declared it was unlawful for young men to get married. Valentine disagreed with the new law and considered it cruel so he continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret.

According to this version of the legend, Valentine was arrested and interrogated by Roman Emperor Claudius II in person. Claudius was impressed by Valentine and attempted to get him to convert to Roman paganism in order to save his life but Valentine refused and tried to convert Claudius to Christianity instead. Because of this, he was executed on February 14, 270 AD.

On the evening before his execution, he wrote the first “valentine” himself, addressed to the jailer’s young daughter, identified as his beloved, whom he had befriended and healed. The note read “From your Valentine.” Valentine of Rome thus became a Patron Saint, and spiritual overseer of an annual festival. The festival involved young Romans offering women they admired, and wished to court, handwritten greetings of affection on February 14. The greeting cards acquired St.Valentine’s name.

Valentine of Terni became bishop of Interamna about AD 197 and is said to have been killed during the persecution of Emperor Aurelian. One of the most intriguing stories of the history of Valentine’s Day was the discovery of a sarcophagus which held the bodies of two young people, Sabino, a Roman soldier and Serapia, a girl from Terni. Legend has it that she was a Christian and he a pagan. The two were married by Saint Valentine in defiance of the Emperor of Aurelian.

This legend is the centerpiece of the tradition of Saint Valentine of Terni. It is a story of the triumph of love over cultural differences. Today, couples from all over the world travel to Terni every February 14 to take or renew their marriage vows.

Another legend involving the history of Valentine’s Day claims that the Christian Church may have decided to celebrate Valentine’s feast day in the middle of February in an effort to “christianize” celebrations of the pagan Lupercalia festival. In ancient Rome, February was the official beginning of spring and was considered a time for purification. Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, and began at the ides of February – on the 15th. Lupercalia was also dedicated to the Roman founders, Romulus and Remus who were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa.

The festival began with members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, gathering at the sacred cave of Romulus and Remus. The priests would then sacrifice a goat for fertility and a dog for purification. They would slice the hides into strips and dip them in the sacrificial blood. The priests would walk along a path marked with rocks where women would line up to be touched with the strips. Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because they believed the strips would make them more fertile in the coming year and ease the pain of childbirth.

Later in the day, according to legend, young women would place their names in a big urn. The city’s bachelors would then each choose a name from the urn and pair with their chosen woman for the next week. The young bachelors would wear the strip of paper with their chosen’s name on their sleeve for that time hence the old saying, “He wears his heart on his sleeve.” Some of the matches often resulted in marriage. Pope Gelasius declared February 14 to be St. Valentine’s Day around 498 A.D. The Roman lottery system for romantic pairing was later deemed un-christian and was outlawed.

Valentine’s Day became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer, the most famous author of the Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished. There were strict rules of courtly love and the art of courtly love was practised by the members of the courts across Europe during the Middle Ages. The rules of courtly love allowed knights and ladies to show their admiration regardless of their marital state. It was a common occurrence for a married lady to give a token to a knight of her choice to be worn during a Medieval tournament. There were rules which governed courtly love but sometimes the parties, who started their relationship with such elements of courtly love, would become deeply involved. A famous example of a relationship which was stirred by romantic courtly love and romance is described in the Legend of King Arthur, where his Queen, Guinevere fell in love with Sir Lancelot.

The earliest surviving valentine is a fifteenth-century rondeau written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his “valentined” wife. At the time, the duke was being held in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt in 1415.

In Great Britain, Valentine’s Day began to be popularly celebrated around the seventeenth century. By the middle of the eighteenth century, it was common for friends and lovers to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes as Valentine’s Day Gifts.

In the United States, the first mass-produced Valentines of embossed paper lace were produced and sold shortly after 1847 by Esther Howland of Worcester, Massachusetts. Her father operated a large book and stationary store, but Esther took her inspiration from an English valentine that she had received. By the end of the century, due to printing technology improvements, printed cards began to replace written letters.

According to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated one billion Valentine’s cards are sent each year, making Valentine’s Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year, second only to Christmas. It is approximated that 85% of all valentines cards are purchased by women.

In the second half of the twentieth century, the practice of exchanging cards was extended to all manner of gifts in the United States, usually from a man to a woman. Typical Valentine’s Day gifts include roses and chocolates packed in a red satin, heart-shaped box. In the 1980s, the diamond industry began to promote Valentine’s Day as an occasion for giving jewelry.

As you can see, a large portion of the history of Valentine’s Day is based on romance between man and woman. That is still the case, lovers exchange gifts to show their feelings for each other but Valentine’s Day has also evolved to include exchange of gifts between friends and family.

Please visit my website at this link to get some unique ideas for Valentine’s Gifts this holiday! http://www.gkc-enterprises.com/valentinegift by Glenda Clements.

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