Have you ever been in a situation where you believed a promise and then the other person acted like it was never made? No doubt we all know what that feels like. It may have happened when a parent made a promise and didn’t follow through. Or with spouses and friends. I can remember a girlfriend in Junior High saying to me ” Several of us are going to the movies. I’ll call you and tell you were we are meeting”. I sat by the phone and the call never came.
Somehow it did not occur to me that I could have called her to follow-up. What I learned was to be wary of my friend’s promises. I became aware in time that she had a pattern of making promises not just to me but also others and if something she preferred doing came up she did that. It did not matter to her that others had counted on her word and in time we drifted apart.
If you grew up in a home where there was addiction present you most likely heard all kinds of promises. They are inevitably accompanied with let downs. What about the teenager who says indignantly “I would never take drugs” and then you see evidence which makes you question this statement. It is so much easier to believe the former. Yet words without paying attention to the action can deceive us. A trustworthy person who has not followed through on a commitment will be apologetic about it and generally try to make amends.
Promises made, in order to be believable, have to be followed-up. In caring close relationships there has to be trust that what is said can be believed. When communication is clear and believable it eliminates anxiety in relationships. For instance, when one person says that “I will be going to the store or I will be back in a couple hours” that can be taken at face value. Relationships need to be built on trust.
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Kristina von Rosenvinge is passionate about helping individuals and couples grow in their self-mastery and increase their relationship skills in order to enjoy personal and business success.You can also follow her blog about at http://www.kristinavonrosenvinge.com.