The other day I suggested to a dear friend that her real Self had never, ever worried. She quite rightly responded that her Spirit may have never worried, but that it was difficult to find. This is true; research has shown that for 85% of us we live in a reactive “conditioned” survival state! We have allowed our circumstances to dictate our mood.
However, paradoxically we have only to learn one simple Meta skill, that of discerning our emotions. And our range of choice is between fear and Love. Maybe you remember the acronym for F.E.A.R. False Evidence Appearing as Real. You know we “get-it” at an intellectual level, but we haven’t yet formed the new critical habit of conscious choice.
So let’s step back to basics. If I asked you to make a choice between the emotion of fear, which inhibits us from knowing our real Self or the limitlessness of Love, that sets us free, which would you choose? This is of course is a no brainer, and yet 85% of the time we blindly follow outdated mindsets learnt from others. Which, keep us in what I call our “conditioned prison.” Sadly we are quite adolescent when it comes to managing our emotions and making mindful decisions.
It may be useful to reflect on how we got here. When an infant is born it only has two situations which will disturb it, falling and loud unexpected noises. But by the age of seven we have taught our children a whole range of circumstances that will generate fear. We teach them that their identity is not stable, one minute we praise them with the label “good” and later we scold them with the label “bad.” We teach them their self-worth is in someone else’s hands. They learn a complete set of social “rules” that are rigidly taught, and if they are not obeyed the consequences for the child can be quite fearful from mild chastisement to violent abuse. This mindset is responsible for our unstable emotions, these trigger our fear and so we live a life in our own private hell.
Can we start again? Unquestionably! Our mind is the battle ground, but our emotions will be our beautiful friend, not to run away from, but to face and question anything that disturbs us. How do we begin? A giant step forward is to rise above your circumstances and accept 100% responsibility for how you feel. Bankers do not determine how you feel, nor politicians or the economy. To give you power away is to make yourself a victim, and this state of mind is not very resourceful for solving problems
We must remember we have a single mind, not two. There is not an inner mind and an outer mind, all meaning comes from our single mind! This can be quite liberating if you reflect on it long enough. Therefore, we have a unified thought system which we control. There is no bogey man under the bed giving rise to fear.
Here are three major ideas that have the potential to set you free.
1. Guts, you will need the backbone to stop blaming the world for how you feel. And a strong intention to seek a better way. No one can make you mad, only you can make you mad.
2. Synchronise the head and the heart. There are no emotions without a corresponding thought. Become your own life scientist. Learn to skill to track, treat and transform your negative resistant thoughts. You create your environment, not the other way round.
3. Practice, practice and practice. This way you will go far, far beyond fear. The Critical Choice is this. Do you really want the total liberation of Love or will you stay trapped in the “conditioned prison” that has no door?
You have amazing power and incredible creative potential. But this time instead of thinking up new ways to scare the pants off you, try those ideas that will inspire you and give you a reason to get out of the bed in the morning with zest!
With much love,
Solutions for Life
Joseph Geraghty is founder of School of Mastery for Emotional Intelligence. An acknowledged Psychotherapist & Change Master, helping people transition faster to their goals and ideal lifestyle. For a free consultation with Joseph visit http://www.schoolofmastery.org PS We have a new power packed 12 week course on Mastering Your Relationships starts 11 Jan 2013