By Judy H. Wright —
What part do boundaries set in friendships and personal relationships? Why is it necessary to set healthy boundaries? How do you know if your boundaries have been crossed or your rights as an individual have been ignored? How can you handle a work situation if your boundary of acceptable behavior has been stepped over? Are you aggressive, passive or assertive in stating your needs and feelings? Do you expect others to handle you carefully when you have a bad mood? Do you sometimes blame others for “making you mad?”
Respect is a two way street and as we honor the boundaries of others, we can be more aware of our own choices and preferences in life. As I work with families, I see that many of the problems stem from unclear expectations or inconsistent boundaries of acceptable behavior. Healthy Boundaries are necessary because they define who we are what we value.
We honor ourselves and others when we decide what we want others to do and say and what it is not acceptable to us. Remember, no one can know what you want from them unless you are clear in stating your needs. They cannot read your mind, so speak up about what you want them to do.
You always get a better response when you tell people what you want them to do rather than what you don’t want them to do. For instance; “Don’t talk to me that way!” is less effective than “I like it when you talk to me in a respectful manner without shouting.”
What are Healthy Boundaries?
- They define who we are in life and what we expect from ourselves and others.
- They show us where we stand in life.
- They make us aware of what is socially appropriate.
- They help us to learn trust and to let down our defenses when we feel safe.
- They help us to accept people who are different from us.
- They help us define our needs and find ways to meet them.
- They permit us to experience intimacy in relationships.
- They bring order into our lives.
- They allow us to determine how we would like to be treated.
Healthy Boundaries also…
- Give us self-discipline, maturity, and character.
- Empower us to stand against manipulation.
- Place us firmly in charge of our lives.
- Define what we are and are not responsible for.
- Empower us to set priorities and make choices.
- Allow us to hold our ground without hostility.
- Prevent the build-up of resentment toward others.
- Allow us to protect ourselves, to avoid victimization.
- Permit us to maintain our identity in relationships.
- Help us negotiate differences and achieve goals.
- Assist us in solving conflicts so everyone wins something.
- Help us to love and esteem ourselves.
The foundation to self esteem and confidence in relationships, both personal and professional, is healthy boundaries and mutual respect. In order to build that foundation, we must understand what we want from others and what we are willing to bring to relationships. Healthy means wholesome, hale, robust, sound, well, vigorous, nurturing,strong, and hearty,
Isn’t that why we want to build healthy relationships with respectful boundaries?
I want to treat others as I would like others to treat me, how about you?
Be sure to sign up to receive the ezine (newsletter) The Artichoke-finding the heart of the story in the journey of life at http://www.ArtichokePress.com You will be sent a free eBook on Using Encouraging Words.
Artichoke Press is the home site of Judy H. Wright, family relationship coach and author of over 20 books and many articles on family relationships. If your organization would like to schedule Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer, for a workshop please call 406.549.9813.
You are also invited to visit our blog at http://www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com for answers and suggestions which will enhance your relationships. You will also find a full listing of free tele-classes and radio shows held each Thursday just for you.
(c) Judy H. Wright You have permission to reprint this article in your blog, ezine or offline magazine as long as you keep the content and contact information intact. Thank You.
Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members,coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults who respect others.