By Irene Conlan—
There are books, songs, articles, poems and endless conversation about one topic—love. After all, loving and being loved is what we all long for, isn’t it? Today I’d like to talk about “Unconditional Love” because we throw that term around so much and understand it so little.
The other day a friend of mind told me about her fiancé and how wonderful he is. “I love him unconditionally,” she effused, but later on in the conversation she listed some of the things he’ll need to change after they are married. Oops! That isn’t unconditional, is it?
Not this kind of love
The love we’re not talking about is best described by David Hawkins:
What the world generally refers to as love is an intense emotional condition combining physical attraction, possessiveness, control, addiction. eroticism and novelty. It’s usually fragile and fluctuating, waxing and waning with varying conditions. When frustrated this emotion often reveals an underlying anger and dependency that it had masked. That love can turn to hate is a common perception, but here, an addictive sentimentality is likely what is being spoken about, rather than Love.There probably never was actual love in such a relationship for Hate stems from Pride, not Love. (Power vs. Force, David R. Hawkins, Hay House, 2002, pp. 89-90)
Unconditional love is just that— unconditional. No conditions. No “I’d love you if only … ” In terms of romantic love it mans I love you even if you throw your clothes on the floor or leave hair in the sink. It means I love you if you become ill or lose your job, get old or fat, become crabby or forgetful. I love you even if you’re no longer “arm candy” or I don’t agree with your politics. It means I love you if you snore, bite your nails, or have other annoying habits. It means I love you even if the thrill is gone and romance has gotten lost in the reality of paying bills, raising children, and being a participant in life. It means I’ve always got your back and I want only the best for you.
Few of us can love like that even though we say we do. We are human beings, each with our own agendas, abilities, likes and dislikes, personality, intelligence and emotions. A lasting relationship requires a mutual coming to terms with all of these.
Hawkins is talking about a level of consciousness, an energy level, a state of being, a love that doesn’t fluctuate and isn’t changed by circumstances. It is all inclusive and has no barriers—in fact it removes barriers. It “focuses on the goodness of life in all its expressions and augments that which is positive.” Unconditional love dissolves negativity and positively affects all around it. Hawkins states that only about .4% of the world’s population reaches this level and truly loves unconditionally.
When I love you unconditionally I look beyond the externals and see the essence of who you are. I see indescribable beauty there and I can declare, “Wow! What’s not to love.”